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CAROLINAMUSED's Recent Blog Entries
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Thursday, August 11, 2011
It's been a while - I really had to stop doing anything but teaching and finishing my dissertation for a few weeks (a month? - I have no idea, because I really did not look up). In fact there were days and days when I stayed in my nightie all day, and I'd look up and realize it'd been 3 or 4 days since I'd taken a shower. Ick. So Mike and I are back on it, especially with food tracking. We've continued to measure stuff but the between-meals eating has not been all that healthy or measured, and nothing at all was tracked. Whatever. But what I don't want to do is gain everything back that I'd lost. I won't be weighing myself 'til next week, and tomorrow in the early morning, we'll go out for an easy mile walk. I am still extremely busy - I have to get all the changes requested for my diss. complete & to my chair by 8/17, plus all grades for the 3 courses I'm teaching are due to be posted by 8/16. Oh, and school starts again at the end of the month. One step at a time. I'm glad to be back on track!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Four-ish years ago, my friend, partner, and now (as of a year ago) husband moved in with me. The day he did, I went vegan, figuring it couldn't hurt, and would probably help. At least, we could save on groceries.
Plus, you know, I had been diagnosed with diabetes, and I hated the whole metformin thing, hated measuring food, hated turning control of my life over to a bunch of doctors and dietitians. There I was, busy as all get-out, mid-doctoral coursework, and the doc wanted me in there once a week. I tried for months but it was just too much for me. I was stressed out, constantly, and felt chained to various desks at 4 different locations, since I wasn't 'just' a doc student - but also a research fellow at 2 locations, and a research assistant. When you're up all hours finishing off that research paper, you (ok, I) tend to reach for the easiest thing: pizza deliveries, bags of chips, all that. Even though I love to cook, there was no time to do that, and exercise had become confined to walking between bus stops on my hours long daily commute. Still, I was aware, and scared. I was tired all the time. I wanted change, knew my diet was dangerous. Perhaps I wanted more than anything to turn back the clock and unsay that diagnosis, which can lead to blindness, amputations, and more.
So, when Mike moved in, I went vegan overnight, and learned to cook a whole new way. To my amazement it wasn't hard, and the great surprise was that it was a lot of fun, delicious, and anything but deprivation. We ate super well, and still do. With his presence, I looked up from my computer and began to have a real life apart from my work. For so long, even before I began my doc studies, my life was work. I had worked hard to get to this place, academically, but at the same time, my health was declining. That happens when you don't look up. Maybe it's one of those Murphy's Law things, a corollary to work taking all the time allotted. You know, if you don't take time to balance your life, you pay the price. Dread visions of myself, too ill to defend my dissertation... having to quit the program due to health. And still having student loans to pay off! Uh, no. Not acceptable, not in the least acceptable.
So then, we married last year. As a gift to ourselves, we used wedding money to buy an elliptical trainer. We became active in sparks... and then we began going to a gym, and running. (running? me? yeah, me).
I'm a little stalled out right now because I'm on deadline. I'm trying to hold the line, at least maintain my weight, while teaching full time and finish my dissertation. My job is at stake, so everything else is on hold, and I do mean everything. Mike is right here with me, cooking wonderful food, being there to listen - everything.
This is a long way 'round the block to tell you my good news. Today, I went to a doc for a checkup. She asked me... so when was the last time you got your blood sugar checked? (Ulp, I said) - about 3 years, expecting a lecture. But you know, I said, I've lost 40 lbs, we've been running, we're vegan.
MY BLOOD SUGAR IS IN THE NORMAL RANGE. She said: you are doing fantastic.
NORMAL. NORMAL.
You know, when I was a kid I never wanted to be normal. Now, this word means life. And it is his fault.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Mike and I are both fairly stressed out right now, and I've had limited time to do much of anything. He's finishing up his 2nd Master's while simultaneously doing all cooking and cleaning (and running to the store, etc.) while I'm closing out the spring semester on 3 courses, trying to prep for the 3 courses I'll be teaching this summer - and oh yeah, finishing my dissertation. We both are hanging in there, at times just barely, with running and staying on track with food intake - nothing like a little/lot of stress, day in and out.
But it's about the journey. As we move toward this crucial 'endpoint,' after which much may change (I have applied for a job elsewhere, he will be looking for one but we don't know where), there is already so much to celebrate.
What I celebrate today (and every day, in fact) is our relationship, friendship, and marriage. Today is our one year anniversary, though we've been friends for 10 years. We're still sappy about it, and I hope we stay that way - when we're not working hard in our respective offices at either end of the house, we share (truly) silly in-jokes and wonderful philosophical discussions, sometimes in the early dark of morning. We have our small rituals, like walking through the garden and discussing growth we see (and here, too, he deserves credit: every speck of earth and grass blade has been dealt with by him, every growing tomato, chard, bean, lily, petunia - all his work, and part of daily pleasure for both of us).
It's really something, you know, when your life partner gives so much. He does so in the most generous way, and I only hope that what I give offers him as much joy and peace as he gives me.
This journey is filled with joy. Sure, we could spend time feeling guilty - over things undone, or thinking about the inevitable sadnesses we've all got. At moments, I do that, and that's ok. But not everyone is as fortunate as we are, and it's important to spend time acknowledging the joy. Good thing I do so every single day.
My favorite husband: I think I'll keep'im
Saturday, February 05, 2011
We'd had our rings custom made. The gold is reclaimed, and the design is a vine, because we thought it was beautiful. The rings are traditional and modern.
We had to have them sized up a bit (the jeweler lives elsewhere) to fit. Mike has been carrying his on his keychain, and he can wear the ring with the keychain's ring still attached - with room enough to see plenty of daylight between his finger and the ring. Mine has been looser and looser but you know, I hated to take it off.
For so many years I have worn no jewelery. This stays.
I thought the rubber band was a nice touch :)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday I had a meeting with students (I teach completely online, so this is an unusual thing - happens twice a semester). I love the opportunity to meet face-to-face and this time thought to bring a camera. I am in several of the pics, and this morning looked at them. Gasp! Fist pump! Newsflash! When I look at the pics of me I don't think: gawd I look fat. Even the pic of me and Mike in our running gear had me thinking that, to be honest - this does not, for the first time in far, far too long. I may wear this on my forehead, and to hell with naysayers who find it unprofessional :)
Onward!
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