Wednesday, November 09, 2011
I woke up early and I thought I would sort memorabilia. Oh, what a big mistake that was. It evoked so much pain that when I tried to walk in this beautiful morning with my upbeat, march music on my headphones, even that did not work. I only got 1/3 of a mile away and I was crying so much I had to come back.
Specifically, I found papers from the War Department, dated 1943, where my dad got certificates of training for radio work. My dad was 4F and my mom always mentioned it, which I thought was very mean. Here it turned out he did do important work for the war effort.
Pain attacks me.
Then I found cards from my former husband, saying things like we should go to Europe again, just the two of us. He did love me at one time. More pain attacks me.
Then I found a card from my daughter that was so bright and cheerful from about 15 years ago. Now she suffers from depression and I never get cards like that anymore. How deep can this pain go?
I had no idea this would happen to me when I started out to sort all these papers. I better just stuff them in a box and return them to the basement.
What a huge mistake it was to unearth these memories.