CAROLEE1945   20,792
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Waking Up

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Woke up at 7:30 this morning; usually wake up at 5 am, which makes walking easy to fit into the day. My daughter and her husband are coming this weekend to visit for my birthday. They live 2 hours away, but I have not seen them in 6 months. My daughter suffers from a depression problem, I am not exactly sure what it is, but even when she was little, she could not make friends at school, would fly into rages, yet was a model student. I am just grateful she is alive and she has a good husband. I never know what kind of mood she will be in. Usually when they come to visit, it is really nice, and they used to come once a month. I was planning to visit her, but all sorts of things have gone wrong, so she may feel slighted from my end, too. 2 hours is not that far away, but for me to drive it by myself really would be hard. I was planning to take a train trip to visit them and stay overnight, but first she went into a bad depression, then she got sick, and now it is 102 degrees where she lives, and then it seems like all the days are filled with my mothers needs, doctors and things, and to find two days free is not easy. I really love my daughter, and I have spent many sleepless nights worrying about her.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLANNIE 7/18/2011 10:23PM

    I'm reading blogs late, since I was gone this weekend. How did you visit go? Hoping that it was a good one for you.

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KAYYVAUGHN 7/17/2011 6:50AM

    We will always worry about our children, no matter how old they are now. I agree with Jeanne. We have the younger and the older to take care of in our generation. It's not easy.
I do hope you have a good visit with your family.

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JEANNE229 7/16/2011 5:41PM

    Our children worry us until the day we die. It is also hard to be the "sandwich" generation, worrying about parents AND children! Been there. It is a hard place to be, but we are with you whenever the need arises.

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VINGRAM 7/16/2011 11:39AM

    Hope the visit with DD and family goes well and that you are able to have a drama-free weekend for your birthday!

Hugs and happy emoticon emoticon

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Friday, July 15, 2011

The only time my kids seem to call me is when they want something. Awhile back I desperately needed help with my mom after she fell, was hospitalized, and there was just so much to do. I even offered to pay one daughter to come once a week to help out, and she just ignored me. They are 35 and 38. This daughter does not work, and has absolutely nothing she has to do. It just boggles my mind that she would not help after I gave them a large sum of money to buy a house. Now that my mom is too old to host family birthday parties, couldn't one of my kids do it? I will be 66 on July 20 and I refuse to do my own party!!! (the last few years I actually did!!) So, finally, my other daughter, whom also got money from me for a house, is doing a family party for me, but she seemed a bit unwilling because she asked me if she could just bring food to my house!!! No, I do not want to deal with the set up and clean up. Gee whiz!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VINGRAM 7/15/2011 9:59PM

    We went through that same scenario with my son - only calling when he needed something. We finally realized we not helping him by helping him. That was many years ago, and I am proud to say he has grown into a wonderful 42 year old husband, father, and son.

Hang in will happen someday. vista emoticon

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JEANNE229 7/15/2011 12:39PM

    Carol, that is so sad. These girls should treat you like a queen and be there at EVERY need! Someday, they will be sorry when they no longer can take you and your love for granted. My daughters are the same ages as yours, and they also tend to be a bit self-involved. But I hope that will pass as they realize time is not forever!

Love you, my friend. We'll have a party for you HERE! July 19 is my hubby's 66th, too! Celebrate life and what is in it! I'll bring the cake!


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Same day after thinking

Thursday, July 14, 2011

After thinking about my kids, I realize when I was their age, I was pretty selfish too. Age does bring understanding and willingness to help. And it is perfectly normal; I think it was Carl Jung who talked about stages of life and the ages of 25-50 the person has to do everything they can to become themselves, establish identity. Then later a person can let it go and be there more for other people. So, hopefully by the time I need help, my children will be in a different space.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLANNIE 7/15/2011 8:02AM

    LOL! I'm in the same boat. My kids (28 and 24) call often but always talk about themselves. I want to scream to them, "Would it hurt you to ask about how your dad and I are going?" Sigh. It will transition.

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Old Age

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Whoops, did not do an entry for Wednesday? Trying to be consistent. Had a great day in Sonoma and Napa Valley; wonderful big lunch, and so had salad for dinner.

Today, I need to go to the museum; instead of driving, I will walk in keeping with my desire to cultivate a walking habit.

My mom always had a membership and we let it lapse because after all, she cannot go by herself anymore, she has to be with me and I have a membership. But she misses getting the newsletters in the mail, and I realize the expense of it is worth her sense of self. I am learning so much about old age, which will be upon me before I know it. And, all I am learning is incredibly sad --the worst part is losing your identity. Very hard to put a good spin on it. And, to be honest, I seriously doubt my kids do for me as I have done for my mom. They are just too selfish. Not to be negative, but in general, I and my entire generation have spoiled our kids. My mom and dad and folks in their generation did not, because of their experiences with the Great Depression. No one is right or wrong here, it is just consequences of how we were all raised. What I am saying is they raised us a certain way because of their early lives being so difficult. I raised my kids a different way because of my early life, not being as hard. Also, the society in general influences all of us as we are growing up.

I do not look forward to growing into my older age. Walking, eating right, having friends -- that is the best preparation I can come up with. But the day will come when I cannot walk, when I cannot buy the food for myself, and my friends will die. I see this now that my mother is 93. I just hope someone will be there to help me the way I am helping my mom.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CT-FL-SNOWBIRD 7/18/2011 7:58PM

    Your kids will probably surprise you and rise to the the occasion, when you need them. They will follow your great example. I've seen this happen again and again. In fact, I don't think my parents ever thought that I would turn out to be such a good advocate for my special brother, Melvin. I wasn't very "nurturing" towards him , when I was younger. I guess I "grew up." And I believe your kids will also.

P.S. I'm just catching up on my blogs and I'm very impressed with your positive attitude about your walking. Keep up the good work.

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ZEEDRA 7/14/2011 4:29PM

    Yes, Carol, it's something we have to think about.

I had a four-hour job today, spending time with an older lady, helping her with her bath, etc. She has the same doctor as I do and as my cousin does so this doctor (bless her heart) linked the three of us up as she wanted this lady to have some TLC.

Well, after two days I was "fired" but in such a nice way. She really can't come to terms with not being 100% independent. I gave her my phone number and "left the door open" saying that my cousin and I are very flexible and that if she changes her mind, to call one of us. Dr. B. will be a bit upset, I think.

It's a process. This woman was telling me the story of a friend who, it seemed, was one day independent and the next was very unhappily in a nursing home, thanks to her kids.

This cannot be solved with one easy swoop of the magic wand. You are doing your upmost. I don't feel I did my upmost with my mother but it was a "personal best"...and she was always very appreciative.

This sounds selfish but I always try to have some younger friends. If I outlive all my contemporaries, at least I'll have the youngins to visit me! Ha! My 85-year-old very active friend has been very successful in this area. She has practically a troup of young friends who just love to help her out!

Well, enough of that. We must make a plan and let our kids know what the plan is.

Hugs, Sandra

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VINGRAM 7/14/2011 3:13PM

    Have faith that someone will be there for you. My son jokes that he will be sure to put me in a nursing home with a pool so I'll be happy. I agree - the days of taking care of relatives is quickly coming to an end. And that is so sad.

You are earning many stars in your crown for taking such good care of your mom. I never got that chance -mine died when she was only 62 (omg - thats my age now!).........I was only 22 at the time.

Warm fuzzies coming your

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DOLLIE6 7/14/2011 2:44PM

    I enjoyed reading your blog. You sound like a sweet person I bet you will have someone there for you when you get old to help you.

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    I enjoyed reading your blog.

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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Went downtown to the Gertrude Stein exhibit at the MOMA. On the way home, I got off the train several stops ahead,and did a great walk. Very pleased with my iphone, which has a gps map and easy to follow directions. Feel very good that I could be in a museum for 2 hours, and still do a great walk!!! Was a bit tired when I got home.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZEEDRA 7/14/2011 4:33PM

    Gertrude Stein! I wish I was in New York. I've thought of home/apartment exchanges so I could go spend time there.

Did the exhibit show how Ms. Stein used to have her chairs on pulleys and raise them and lower them to and from the wall/ceiling according to how many guests had?

A rose is a rose...

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CARLANNIE 7/14/2011 9:46AM

    That's what you call "Going the extra mile!"

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KAYYVAUGHN 7/13/2011 6:52PM

    I know the exhibit was interesting. Then you got a walk in also.

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VINGRAM 7/13/2011 5:22AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon vista

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SUSZAN_2000 7/13/2011 12:51AM

  Awesome Job!

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CHIBIKARATE 7/13/2011 12:48AM

    love it you put the effort in that is so cool emoticon

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BIGTOSS03 7/13/2011 12:45AM

    Way to go! The fact that you took the effort to walk a few blocks is great. Walking around the museum probably was a good 2 hrs or more itself on top of that is even more impressed.

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