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Determination

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I am fighting against myself! My emotions tell me to give up that I can never do this
and lose the weight I need to lose.
I literally have a battle each day when chocolate donuts are in the office or goodies are delivered to me from a well meaning friend.

I have this conflict inside myself that goes like this: Carole you can eat one of these, it really doesn't matter. Your weight has been stuck for two weeks, why bother? Then I have this thought thinking this may be the day I move off that plateau. Don't give up!
It is so exhausting and it is hurtful. So far I have been off the sugar for two weeks. It seems like everything in life has sugar in it. What I mean is I am avoiding candies, cookies, cakes and sugar outright.

The cravings for the sugary items are less since I made this effort to stop eating them however there still is temptation when I am tired, depressed, angry etc. I am an emotional eater that is for sure so carbs and sugars are my comfort. So the battle continues with emotional Carole. I wear myself out with this stuff.

I have 1.8 pounds to make a mini goal I made and I am losing 2/10ths of a pound in two weeks, seriously this is hard. I am exercising every morning and walking 5 miles a night every night.

I refuse to starve myself and do unhealthy things to lose this weight. I want to do this for my long term weight loss and health.

I appreciate this site so much for encouragement and support. I am a girl that needs that support. I am so weak most of the time.

Stay focused! Remember the long term goals and remember that donut or candy bar is not going to help me make my goals and it just isn't worth it

I am attaching a picture to show my progress in the last 5 weeks to help me remember and stay on the road to wellness.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITWITHIN 2/12/2014 7:44PM

    emoticon emoticon

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REGINAM78 2/11/2014 10:04AM

    wow!! what a change 5 weeks make.. you look great.. to keep me not eating to many sweets i have my lap tap on a kitchen counter, so i log in what i want to eat first and see if it worth it. If i really want something i weigh it so i wouldn't eat more then i should.. keep up the good work!!

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 2/11/2014 9:37AM

    Stay Spark strong! emoticon emoticon emoticon


emoticon blog!

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Making my goals

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Good afternoon sparkbuddies! Hope you are doing well.

It is not secret to those who know me, I have been struggling. I have been working out and eating within my calorie limits for the most part, no perfectly but consistently. I haven't lost a pound in a month. I fixated on the scale, then ignored the scale, then fixated on it again emoticon I want to see progress and I want to see it on the scale! No one had noticed that I had lost weight and that of course has made me feel even more discouraged. I entertained the give up option and would dismiss it quickly. Failing would be giving up.

Today, I shared with a friend of mine about how frustrated I am with my lack of movement with the scale and how hard I was working out. I shared about how I didn't make my mini weight loss goal for April and how disappointed I was that I couldn't make that little goal. Her response was "maybe you just can't lose the weight, maybe you have lost all you can" I looked at her face and she was not kidding. She then talked about how I have been heavy for so long and yo yo-ing up and down for so long, I may have damaged my metabolism. She said your age is a factor, you are not 20 anymore either. I don't know if that stuff is even true but the fact that she said I probably can't do it really hurt my feelings

I told her that I believed I could do it, that I had to stick it out and just trudge through this rough time and what she said hurt my feelings. I wanted encouragement from her. She then said "Well you can't convince me that you can lose that much weight but it seems like you have convinced yourself you can do it" She said she didn't want me to get my hopes up and then be devastated when I couldn't do it, that she has seen me hurt so much over so many things, she couldn't raise my hopes in this situation.

This conversation really hit me when I got home today. She said that I had convinced myself that I could do it. The thing is, until that moment, I had been hoping others could convince me that it was going to happen when in fact I need to be actively believing I can make my goals and I can do this. What a simple thing to do but it is so hard for me. I have never had success in this area of my life but it doesn't mean I won't have success now.

I thought I need to focus on the good things I am doing and put less emphasis on the scale. So I came home and took my measurements. I was stunned.
I have lost 8 inches in my waist alone since I began this amazing journey in January.
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That is progress and it is tangible!
I don't have all this figured out but I do know, I have to keep plugging away at it and I need to be good to myself, be nice to myself. I wouldn't treat a friend badly, I shouldn't do that to me either.

Thank you for listening, I know that I am so slow to learn things and even then, I don't learn them and need you to tell me all over again. Thank you for your patience with me.

I am thankful for you and your support!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SARAHFAILLA 4/27/2011 4:08AM

    8 inches to me is worth more than the scale moving anyday. And you can totally do this! Add in ST and you will up your metabolism and see results like you are with losing inches!

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SHERRYTOO 4/25/2011 9:39PM

    you've had an "ah-ha" moment, haven't you!

Here's an idea -- let's lose this darn weight for once and for all!

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SLIMTHICK2 4/25/2011 5:27PM

    My dear friend I have been having the same experience as you. I have lost nothing for the last couple of months. I have been backward and forward with the same two lbs. I had a scale fixation also and I had to remove myself from it.
I am currently back to weighing myself once a week and have noticed a 1lb loss last Friday. I too am in my 50's (I didn't look at your age) so I know the frustration.
Recently my daughter bought me a digital scale and I'm getting more precise reading of my food portions I am also sticking to my exercise routine and have added weight training.
Let no one tell you it can't be done. I believe that I can do it and I am pressing on I am not looking to anyone for motivation and affirmation, but I do have to thank my husband and daughters in this regard.
So you press on with what you are doing and the results will come forth. Read all the motivating blogs that you can and watch that weight come right off of you. emoticon All the best to you.

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WALKINGGRANDMA 4/21/2011 11:31PM

    Progress! I'm so glad you are seeing a change. It is often hard for others to see the change also. You can continue this journey. Find your Resting Metabolic Rate and use that for your calorie limit (something new that may help.) Stay within 200 calories of that. It will be a bit more than you might be used to, but it will help you because you won't be starving.

Did you know stress slows weight loss, so if we stress about it, we are slowing things down. You can do this.

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SUSANMOMOF6 4/21/2011 9:10PM

    I am very proud of you that you let her know how her words affected you. I am so glad you processed what happened and realized that in the end all that matters is what you believe. I believe in you; I'm sorry your friend does not. Keep pressing on. You've made awesome tangible progress. You will continue to do so. What happened made me think of this quote:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Elenor Roosevelt. You are telling yourself the truth and treating yourself like a friend. That is amazing progress, maybe even more important than weight loss.

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SONGOFJOY27 4/21/2011 8:34PM

    8 inches off your waist!!!! Wow! That is a wonderful non-scale victory!!! Hooray!!!
As far as the scale, don't give it so much power over you! It's not the only way we can measure progress. As a matter of fact, if you're losing inches, are your clothes getting looser? It sounds like your body right now may be exchanging toned muscles for flab ... and we know that muscles weigh more. But they also keep your metabolism burning hotter.
Trust yourself. Trust that if you continue to do the right things, you will see the results. You're doing things now that you couldn't do 3 months ago. That's more progress!
I'd say you are making good progress!!
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I really want this!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Good Morning!
I am so discouraged this morning I thought I better blog and get it out and then move on.
The scale is definitely stuck, not one person has noticed that I have lost weight, no one. I am wearing one size smaller in jeans and I am feeling better about myself and about the way I look. Not great but better.
I feel that I am so big that people don't notice 25 pounds gone? Or just maybe I was super good at hiding that 25 pounds from others emoticon Who knows? I need to focus on how I feel and that I need to go forward and not give up.

I have been exercising more than I ever have in my whole life, this is a big deal. However, I don't think it is enough for this body. I need to do more. The scale is not moving, I am staying in my calorie range during the week anyhow emoticon

I literally have to say to myself out loud, don't give up, you can do this but it is really really hard. Hubby can eat anything he wants and in huge quantities and look absolutely amazing. It makes me feel like I am being punished and cheated when I see him eating the goodies etc. Then on the weekends, I give in to some of that stuff and the cycle is of healthy and what is best for me is broken. We are with family, with Sophie and I just lose it and eat the stuff that is not the best for me. ugh

I haven't fallen off completely, I work real hard during the week and sometimes I only eat bad things for one meal on Sunday or something so I am improving but still stuck. And of course the scale is not forgiving to me. One bad meal will set me back a week in terms of the scale. My metabolism is so slow. So I need to exercise more and harder. I have been using just dance 2, zumba and walking every night. My body is not changing enough with these things, I need more.

Today I am bumping up my exercise to a program called Turbofire. I watched an infomercial about it four or five times and shrugged it off. A friend of mine tried it and it helped her maintain a healthier outlook because she was working so hard she didn't want to blow it with food. I read reviews about it and finally I purchased the program and watched the intro dvd this morning. These moves are hard and it is a heavy workout. I will be doing the low impact version as I have a very bad knee . They also have a diet you can follow but right now, I am going to just attempt to do the moves which will be hilarious but I figure if I am moving most of the time, I am doing good! right?

I am so done being the fat girl! I need to do whatever I can to change my mindset so I can change this body and live my best life possible. I don't want to give up! I really want this! I don't want my body size and weight to limit me in my life. I want to feel good about how I look, I want to be healthy!

Thank you for reading. I know I am a broken record. I want to learn how to change and telling you my buddies about what is happening, I can be held accountable to my commitment to myself.

I appreciate you!!! I am so thankful for my sparkfriends, you are such an inspiration to me. Have a fabulous day!


emoticon emoticon emoticon

My Glen baby and I at the beach in Carmel California


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OFABULOUSME 4/14/2011 11:26AM

    Carole, you've come such a long way already - and you can totally do this. 25 pounds is amazing. Don't forget, some people are uncomfortable bringing up another person's weight loss - but they're probably noticing anyway. Keep up the good work.
And it's okay to have a "cheat". In fact, I've started planning my "cheat" one day a week - that way I can get through temptation knowing I can just wait and have it on that day. And then I am free to enjoy my day without guilt. So far this has been a saving grace for me and I'm actually starting to lose weight again after a LONG stall.

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SARAHFAILLA 4/13/2011 8:53AM

    I agree with scale drama- i had to let mine go for a while. And my man can also eat all he wants. I actually give him extra protein shakes, etc bc I can't seem to keep him fed well enough! You know you are making progress so keep doing it for you! :-)

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SLIMTHICK2 4/9/2011 8:11PM

    Love your photo, you and hubby look just fabulous. Hope the exercise program works, I'm also in a rut these days and trying to work my way out. All the best to you. emoticon

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SHERRYTOO 4/6/2011 5:47PM

    Throw your scale away! Do not let the number on the scale determine whether you're excited or depressed.

Keep eating correctly, and exercising, and you'll be fine!

BTW - this is life, so you will indulge in food every now and then. Do it, and then get re-focused.

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I am stuck!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Hi Buddies!
How are you doing on your journey? I went off big time last weekend and so the scale has not been my friend this week at all. It is my fault and I own it.

Now I am afraid I am not going to make my goal I had set for myself. I don't think I can lose six pounds in two weeks. I am so mad at myself for blowing it and getting myself off track, grrrr....... The scale is stuck now at one number and has been there for five days and I have been so good! Well for five days I have been so good ha!

Weekends are so hard for me, we are doing social things, Sophie is usually with us and I just get caught up in eating things that are not good for me. Does anyone else have a problem with weekend eating being not so hot?

I need help with this so I can still have fun but not completely blow it every weekend! And I also need help to get this scale to move so I can move forward from my mistakes.

Have a great day! Thank you for reading and as always thank you for commenting, you help me so very much! I appreciate you!


Sophie having fun in her tent!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERRYTOO 4/2/2011 4:37PM

    What a cute pic of little Sophie!

Don't beat yourself up. Just pick yourself up, and keep on going. Don't worry about what the scale says. Take note of how you feel and how your clothes fit!

You're doing great!

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SLIMTHICK2 4/1/2011 3:48PM

    Hi Carole you, me and almost everyone else seem to be stuch this month. I've been gaining and losing the same two lbs for the last month, you can just imagine my state, but for the last few days I'v decided to limit my eating to two meals per day (I'm trying this with the help of the Lord) and I actually lost 1lb this week. I truly need to do something with myself to kick start the weight loss again I'm about half way to my goal and I need a breakthrough.
So I hope you find something that works for you and do have yourself a great weekend. emoticon

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SONGOFJOY27 3/31/2011 2:23PM

    Sophie is so cute in her tent! I really enjoy the pictures you post of her at the end of your blogs!
Weekends can be hard because there's a change of routine. I think that staying on track is more about deciding ahead of time what kinds of things I choose to eat and not to eat, and then sticking with my decision.
I've also found that making sure I get at least 8 glasses of water every day helps the effects of poor decisions move through more quickly.
Keep on making the changes. You're making good progress!


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RICEOWL86 3/31/2011 2:06PM

    I completely understand your predicament. It's not so much my kids that "help" me eat too much, it's my hubby--I'm married to one of those guys who can eat whatever he wants and doesn't gain weight. And I feel your scale pain--I haven't lost a single pound this whole year! I read an article that helped me a little and I blogged about it today, so check out my blog if you have time. Hang in there!

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Hot Tamales

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Hi Buddies! I have been sick with an antibiotic resistant urinary tract infection and it has been so fun, NOT! Anyhow, I am feeling better now and getting back into my exercise routine, yay!!
Yesterday I had a bit of a challenge. I went to the store and bought a box of hot tamales. Of course, I bought other things but this was the highlight of my shopping trip emoticon I have been craving hot tamales for a week maybe longer.
I intended to eat a "serving" of hot tamales which is 20! That should do it, and I needed to just portion those out and eat them slowly and be happy. Could I do that? No! I ate the whole box one portion of 20 at a time emoticon
Needless to say, I had a whole lot of guilt over it right after I did it and today. No guilt during though, I was having the time of my life gorging on hot tamales.
Today is a new day, get back up and get moving! Leave those hot tamales in the past emoticon I cannot give up!
Have a great day!! Remember YOU are worth it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERRYTOO 3/22/2011 6:15PM

    Carole,
I know what you mean. In my case, it's chocolate chip cookies instead of tamales. But you know what to do! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on walking! I am so proud of you. You have turned yourself completely around!
emoticon
Hugs,
Sherry

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WALKINGGRANDMA 3/22/2011 12:50PM

    I hate it when I do that, but I usually eat a "portion" which is a package. That is why I often get those sort of things out when the kids are around. They will share with me and I don't have to eat the entire package. Onward. It is fun to indulge occasionally. Occasionally is the operative word here.

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SONGOFJOY27 3/22/2011 12:02PM

    I've done that ... but then you're right. You need to leave it in the past and move on and make better choices.
You're doing great!!!!

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