Wednesday, November 07, 2012
Yesterday, I came home early from work.
My daughter was moving out and hadn't told me.
Granted, she is 21 and she should have moved out a long time ago, but I wish she would have had the courtesy to speak to me and not just walk out like that.
Tonight as I was walking around 2 blocks (yes, 2! ), I thought about my relationship with my youngest daughter. Her older siblings were louder and often gained the most attention. I was also a bit depressed by the time I had my baby two years later and extremely over tired from the stresses of raising my little family. I have tried several times over the past 21 years to make a friendship with her. Sometimes I get a brief positive response, but she quickly shuts me back out. Why?
Is there any possible way that I could have been a better parent to her? Will she ever forgive me for any of the things she has deemed me guilty of? Will she ever come to a realization that I love her no matter what? Will she continue to cut me out of her life or will she recognize a need for her mother and let me in? I know I need her to love me back.
I was thinking that this is what Jesus Christ has done for all of us. He stands at the door wondering if we will let him into our life.
Why did my appendix need to come out last week? I believe it is the same reason that my daughter walked out without comment yesterday. Once she could see that she wouldn't lose me she left me. She does love me, she just doesn't know how to be herself and still accept that may be different from what I wanted her to be. I hope someday she will realize that I do accept her and I will not stop loving her anyway.