Saturday, March 10, 2012
When i last lost weight, i grieved over the lost sweets I could not eat. I didn[t want to feel deprivede anymore! I still have work to do, but I know that it will be possible.
This morning I weighed in at 175.3, again. My weight has bounced around quite a bit and so I was actually relieved that I hadn't put on any weight. At work, I had 2 people trying to offer me the best sweets, and I was surprised when I heard myself telling them it was fine,I didn't need any cheering up today. One of those was my favorite cupcakes - 6 of them! I gave 4 away before I caved and ate one. Then I gave the remaining one away so that I wouldn't try to take it home and eating it all the way.
I have told my inner child that if I can go all day without sugar, I will be allowed a small amount as a reward just before making dinner. Today I didn't earn that right, and when that happens I have a harder time keeping control. While I didn't do as well today, I did better this week than I have been doing lately. I am sure I can do this, one baby step at a time.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
My mom always used to say: "You can only change yourself." I discovered that this quote can be changed slightly to be even more powerful. "I am the only one who can change me."
I have a really good sparkbuddy and several people that have sent comments that have helped me recently as I am trying to find out who I really want to be in relation to my weight, health, and lifestyle. I know this is possible even if it isn't easy.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
I weighed in higher at 175.3 again. I was a bit depressed. So, yesterday I set a commitment to go without sugar for 1 day. How hard could be one day be? I lost by 12:30 yesterday. I lost again today by 1:40 pm. I know I am better than this, so why am I purposely sabotaging my own efforts?
After some time for reflection, I realized that I don't want to be judged, for good or for bad. People are too kind to come out and say "MY, you are getting plump!" But, the comments surely come in when I lost weight! They would say, "You are being so good!" (Little did they know.) Or ask, "What kind of program are you doing, because that never worked for me..." (Is that to make me feel guilty?) But the two that hurt the most was the one from my doctor (who got me to start my weight loss journey the first time) who said,"I am beginning to think you are anorexic" I was only down to 150 and I was proud of my efforts. And the one from my husband, "I don't like skinny girls".
So, I realized the harder I try to lose weight or keep my goals, I am also putting more and more obstacles in my own way to "prove" that I can't do it. I don't blame my coworkers for bringing in the delicious cinnamon bread - I am the one that chose to eat it. I just don't know how to get past the hurt and stop hurting myself.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
It is the end of another week. I am down to 174.9 lb. today. I am at the lowest I have been all month. Can I continue to lose if I continue to keep my calories within range?
I really shouldn't have such a hard time dieting - I have done this before and this time around I am eating better foods. I am not really hungry all the time like I was last time and although my mouth and brain wants more food constantly (especially sugary foods), I rationally know it is not necessary.
My thought? Every hour, every minute of every day I must remember that I can re-lose the weight and with God and good friends to help me find the way, all things are possible.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I never thought I would ever run in a race. I like to run. I run for fun, just me and my dog. She is 10 years old and runs rather slowly anymore, but that is okay with me. I just like to move. Then my foot started hurting and I had to cut back.
Our school hosted a race and I wanted to support the kids running, so I thought I would work up to it. I signed up. I worked on endurance. Yesterday, I stretched and prepared and headed off to the race. It was so much fun! I can't believe I haven't tried it before! Now I have a greater reason to lose weight - so I can run without as much pain! I hear there is another race in our city in July!
I ran and walked the whole race and by the end my asthma kicked in. I was sounding pretty awful as I crossed the finish line, but I made it in 32:20! By the end of the day, I couldn't walk without a lot of pain, but I took some meds and this morning feeling better.
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