Saturday, November 24, 2012
I had some time alone today. I can't remember the last time I had totally to my self. I went out to the garage and cut out some wood projects for my cub scouts. I had a lot of fun. I was so absorbed, I almost forgot to stop at lunch time. But, alas, my alone time was over.
I had a good calorie day and a lot of movement. I weighed myself this morning and wasn't surprised that it came in higher than I wanted.
I always seem to "gain" weight when I exercise the day before. I decided to "google" it and learned that when a person exercises, the body's muscles inflame and have micro tears in them that must be repaired in order to "build" muscle. To repair the muscles, the body retains water to aid in the process. Hence, we have a weekly routine of exercise and one day a week set aside for weigh ins so that our ups and downs are minimized due to the consistency of the routine. EXCEPT, I am not consistent. I try to exercise regularly, but it isn't like every Monday I do aerobics and Tuesdays are weight lifting. I change things up regularly. From week to week, I do different stuff. From day to day, even. No wonder my weight loss doesn't seem to hold to a particular pattern.
So, today for my exercise routine, I went for a 5 mile walk. I was going to try to work up to the 5 miles, but decided I was ready. Too bad I was so far away from home when the 3.5 mile mark hit me. I made it, but I may be hurting a few more days.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
I am reading a book, "As Husbands Go," by Susan Isaacs. I really like a good fiction book. As I have been reading this one, there is one part that disturbs me a bit. Susan, the main character, has a working partner whose husband she calls, "Fat boy." It makes me wonder, why would anyone call someone else, especially their husband, fat? Yet, in the book, it almost seems a tender remark. It doesn't matter if it is true or not.
I am currently overweight. I have to lose 10 pounds to get back to the "good" weight category. I want to lose 30. I won't be in any danger of losing too much weight. I know myself.
My husband is morbidly obese. I love him. When he tells me he is too short (at 6 ft 4 in) for his weight, or big boned, I smile and tell him I love him. I invite him to walk with me although he has yet to take me up on the offer. I also bought a couple of strengthening videos that I hope to convince him to workout with along with me in the evenings just as soon as I get a room that we can both lie down on the floor in. I try to make healthy food and he complains about being hungry after telling me he doesn't feel like eating dinner. Usually I try to eat fewer calories during the day and a small but too high in fat dinner alternating with larger portioned healthy meals a couple of times a week. This isn't best for me, but I really feel bad when he refuses my good foods.
Although all of my efforts to lose weight are aimed primarily at myself, I think he feels threatened by my desire to be healthy. Today as we were discussing our activities for the weekend, I mentioned hanging Christmas lights. He told me I wasn't able to hang lights this year because I am not as strong as I used to be. I realize that his comment was aimed at his own realization of his own body and it's limitations. I told him I was sure I would be fine and our son would be there to help.
I think I am pretty good at overlooking his weaknesses and I would never call him fat. That would hurt his feelings and make me look judgmental. Sometimes his comments or the comments of others make me feel bad and I wish people would just let me be myself. My husband is a good man and if he ever decides to lose weight or if he doesn't, he will do so because he wants to feel better. Until then,
" Let me be patient. Let me be kind. Make me unselfish without being blind. " - unknown
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
My calories are slowly getting more and more each day. I have to start being careful again so I don't fall back into the rut of thinking I have to eat all of the time!!!!
I also stopped losing weight. I am sure there is a correlation. I know I need to increase my activity next. Yesterday I did some stretching and today I hurt.
I am still pretty good at avoiding sugar although not completely. My ability to walk is completely healed and I still do a few laps at school every day. I am drinking all of my water and I try to avoid snacking all together. I am hoping that Thanksgiving meal doesn't mess up my streak.
! aim happy to have my ability to move.
I am happy that i have a family
I love to plan cub scout activities.
My health is worth it.
Monday, November 19, 2012
"The self is not something that one finds. It is something one creates." - Thomas Szasz
It isn't an easy trek we may be on, but every step is worth it. And I am going to start by going to bed by 10 p.m. tonight. Have a good night.
Monday, November 19, 2012
It has been a busy marvelous weekend. We had stake conference. My youngest son was made an elder. My oldest son and wife were here and it was nice to visit with them. It was a day full of visiting and church meetings. Within weeks, there will be major changes in our home as my baby prepares to serve a mission for our church. He will be my first and only missionary and I am so overjoyed at getting this opportunity to experience missionary service as I support him on his mission.
So many people love him and support him. We had a small gathering today and it was nice to feel the love of so many people.
Did you ever see such marvels as the bare branches of a walnut tree as you walk along with only a sweater over your short sleeved dress on the 18th of November? The light breeze was only about 50 degrees and as the sun beat down upon me, barely noticeable. Then as day turns to evening, the winds kick up and the rain comes. I just love the beauties of fall.
Sometimes I feel like that walnut tree. I stand where I am regardless of the rain or sun or wind. It isn't always easy and sometimes my leaves fall when hard times come, but they always grow back in the spring. Some days are easier than others and I am always glad when the sun shines for a day to remind me of the love of others that makes me a better person. I, too, can love and make someone's day. If you take time to notice, the walnut tree will drop you a small token of it's appreciation. I love to pick up those tokens and share my appreciation for others.
Thank you to all of you that have helped me as I have struggled in getting back to the mindset of weight loss. I didn't lose as much last week, but I believe that is a good thing. I may have worried if I continued to lose so much so fast. I also would have worried if I started overeating again now that my appetite is back. But I am able to focus on doing the right things. I know that is partly because I know I have the support from the other spark people. I love this group. I hope that now as I continue to focus on getting where I need to be that I will be able to help someone else who may struggle as I have.
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