CARMADAB   14,551
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Panic episode

Thursday, May 08, 2014

So, for several months, I have been working with a personal trainer. I LOVE it. I have gained so much! My balance is better than it has ever been. My strength is regained enough that I can work outdoors in the yard after a winter off without frequent breaks. I can bike better than I ever could (not my previous favorite activity, but I am learning.)

I have seen a few negative things. My trainer hasn't encouraged my weight loss efforts and with my brooding after my foot surgery as well as muscle gain from the workouts, I have put on 15 pounds the past 6 months. This isn't her fault, it is mine, but it is a fact.

I also was so worried about my feet for so long, that I had a few mini panic attacks during our preliminary workouts. I thought little of it since we were being careful of the feet and she let me stop when I "couldn't" do the exercise.

Two weeks ago, I wasn't so lucky. I had a full fledged panic attack and hyperventilated, my muscles wouldn't hold me up and it was awful. I have had super anxiety every day since. I went to the gym and did my workouts, reducing the load when I felt overwhelmed. I rode the bike. I am even getting more and more steps everyday with my spark=tracker.

Still, every time I begin to get close to the gym, my heart races and my breathing intensifies.
Last Friday (Training day) I was physically ill and cancelled on the trainer. My stress level is causing physical ailments. Exercise is supposed to make it go away, not increase it.

Yesterday I forced myself to go to the gym alone again. I chose one of her earlier suggested workouts. I simplified her regimen when needed and kept the heart rate down during the warm-up. Still, I wanted to test things a bit and tried to push the exertion rate. I started to feel my chest constrict, breathing faster, I stopped and tried to walk it off. I was able to walk it off, but it scared me.

So, when I came home, I googled it. Exercise phobia is a real thing. Apparently the fast breathing and fast heart rate of exercise reminds the body of a panic attack and it remembers the fears and heads straight into hyperventilation. The only way to deal with it is to listen to your body and stop when it insists on it. Another challenge for me to hurdle.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCHECK5 5/14/2014 7:20PM

    wow I never have heard of that...I hope your feeling better and I know you will push through it...just alway remember to listen to your body...Best of luck my friends!!! miss ya tons!!

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CARMADAB 5/9/2014 11:44PM

    Thanks! I'm not a quitter and I will get through this.

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WANTAWAIST 5/8/2014 8:59AM

    That's scary!! I wish you all the best getting through. Just take it one step at a time. Good Luck!

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Have to go to the Gym?

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Do you have to go to the gym again today?

How do you answer that question? When I ask myself, I answer "Yes, I get to go to the gym again today." So, when my loved one asks me if I have to go again today, I answered the same. So, why do I feel guilty? Why do I wonder if my goals and his will ever be the same? And why do I wonder if I can make it with his resistance?

Of course I know I can. I just wanted it to be better this time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCHECK5 1/1/2014 9:58AM

    You can do it...2014 is going to be a great year!!

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SAFL04 12/22/2013 8:09PM

    You have to do this for yourself. He needs to recognize this, if he realizes how important this is for you, hopefully he will provide encouragement. :) In order to be the best that YOU can be YOU need to feel good about YOURSELF! If YOU feel better getting healthy then YOU deserve all the support in the world!!

emoticon emoticon

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ZRIE014 12/19/2013 12:41AM

  i do it everyday to ensure that i workout

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SHANNONY84 12/19/2013 12:39AM

    Way to push yourself! emoticon emoticon

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Strengthening thanks!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Everything that I fail at is certainly due to my weakness. I struggle with extreme hunger and cheat too often with non nutritive fatty treats. I am weak and I admit that.

Yet when I succeed, I know that someone higher loves me enough to help me become strong enough to do well.

Today I was late for work and grabbed a quick snack for breakfast. Knowing my pre-packed lunch was nasty, I also brought an apple for a late morning snack. I ate that and felt a desire for more food. I did ok until lunch time when stress happened and the boss wanted me to do some project for him and I did it. I still made it to lunch about 10 minutes later, but that nasty crab left a bad taste in my mouth and the clementines I brought didn't hide it. So, I gave in to the chocolate sitting nearby.

So, why am I thankful? This evening I went to a pilates class after touching base with my husband and 2 youngest children. Then I stayed and interviewed my new personal trainer. I am going to do this, no matter how much I just want to go eat a big bowl of ice cream, I am going to go to bed and rest easy knowing the sugar won't keep waking me up throughout the night. And tomorrow, I am going to take something less disgusting for lunch and maybe even get an earlier start so I don't miss my warm breakfast.


Hard Choices

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I did a bit better on my calorie intake today.

What can I do?

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." - Dr. Seuss

One day at a time.
Because it is best.
Take care of what you have.

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." - Dr. Seuss.

I took care of me. I actually seen a doctor today for my foot. He told me I must have a high pain tolerance after looking at the xray. He recommends surgery. There are other options I can try first if I want. I just don't know. But the pain never goes away anymore except when I am asleep. I have to be able to exercise to meet my weight goals.

I am the most me I can be and I like to exercise. (I also like to eat.) But I liked being thin and no one can make me thin but me. If I can't exercise, I am not really doing anything but existing and fighting the food battle.

It is all about choices. What will get me the most desired outcome?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCHECK5 10/24/2013 8:18AM

    Hang in there my friend it will come...I hope everything works out with your foot...And like you said you can workout if your in to much pain.
Take care emoticon

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Look up

Sunday, October 06, 2013

When things get you down. Look up. You can be what you want to be. I am on my way to what I want to be.

No exercise, it was my day off. I haven't lost weight yet, but I will.

Today I ate well and had an enjoyable Sunday in my house with the TV and my husband. I talked with him about why I put the pounds back on. He really thinks he supports my weight loss efforts. I guess I need to trust that he is supporting me and tell him when I feel like he is sabotaging my efforts. Truth is, I have sabotaged myself at times. But that is in the past. Today is a new day.

My head is up. I am not feeling down, because I know I am on the right track.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCHECK5 10/7/2013 6:21AM

    So awesome to have a talk like that with your husband...hope he supports you more ...he needs to by your ROCK.... emoticon
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