Friday, July 02, 2010
Isn't that what they say?
I was wishing that something would turn up on my allergy test I took yesterday. I have trouble sleeping, some mild congestion and some pretty bad sinus headaches I get 2-3 times a week. So I'm thinking hopefully I'm allergic to something so it can be treated, I can live life headache free and get some sleep at night.
WELL - I am allergic to all manner of trees, weeds, grass, dust, mold and even the cat! So the lifestyle changes that I'm supposed to make are basically endless (indoor and outdoors are both triggers) and the medication that would help is so expensive that I could not afford it and had to leave the pharmacy near tears!
Fortunately my boyfriend helped calm me down and do some price comparisons online, so that made it affordable - barely.
But this sucks because my cat can't sleep in the bed with me anymore (my REAL boyfriend, lol!) and all this other nonsense I'm supposed to do that just really isn't going to happen.
Oh well, at least I have some medicine and hopefully that helps enough that these other issues won't be the hindrance that I anticipate.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I made it a week without binging! There were some nights (tonight included) when I ate more than maybe I should have, but the point is that I feel good and have not eaten to the point of discomfort at anytime. I'm convinced that I can lose at least a couple pounds at this rate, even if it's very slowly, because I exercise bout an hour a day, 6 days a week and am pretty active. But if I don't it's ok.
I'm really just very focused on enjoying food and fitness, not stressing over an occasional treat or extra serving of something. I just really want to stop the rollercoaster of several days of eating according to "plan" and feeling deprived followed by a 1 or 2 day binge. That was not helping.
So I had an extra slice of stuffed pizza tonight and 4 chocolates that I wouldn't of had if I was tracking calories. But I enjoyed the food, do not feel overly stuffed and, most importantly, have NOT had a binge in a week!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
OK - first off, the first time I typed the title of this blog, I typed steak instead of streak. Am I craving steak alraedy? yeesh.
I was going to start yesterday, but I think I need a normal work day to start so that I'm in my routine, then when the weekend starts and the routine is off I have a couple of good days under my belt.
I'm weighing myself twice a month only, but I'm not longer rewarding weight loss, only behavior. I want to go one month binge free, because 30 days seems to be the magic number for me to develope a good habit. I need to treat this seriously though, it's not a bad habit it's a dangerous one. Dangerous to my mental and physical health.
So - for each week of the next 30 days I will reward myself with fresh flowers.
At the end of the month - 07/13, I will treat myself to a new stability ball and video game!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
So, just thinking about what causes me to start binging, becuase I did it again last night. I think there are some deep issues here that need to be resolved, but I'm not sure where to start. I think I'm pretty happy since finishing school and letting go of my goal to be a CPA, but the fact that once a week I binge is a pretty big indication that something is off. Lonely? Frustrated? Angry? Tired? Not sure.
I'm going to start just by writing down what the environment around me is like when I start a binge.
Typically I am by myself, or my boyfriend is home but in another room doing his own thing.
It's late afternoon, although usually around dinnertime. It's never started before 3pm.
The foods are always carbs. Toast, peanut butter and jelly, dark chocolate, cereal, etc.
It used to happen when I was doing homework and very frustrated, now it happens when I play video games... wierd.
I'm usually pretty tired the days that it happens.
It's usually a weekend.
Anyhow, I'm going to think about these things and see I can gain some insight. I'm not angry about what happened yesterday, but it has to stop. I keep promising it won't happen again but every week it does. I'm not ready to quit trying but it's clearly not enough to just say "I quit! I'm going on a sparkstreak of no binges!"
Thursday, June 03, 2010
May was such a great month, so why did I spend the first two days of June binging?
Ok, I was tired (very little sleep) and stressed out (very busy at work) I had a cold. But really these are excuses that lead to I deserve it, I didn't lose the weight I wanted to anyway, so who cares? and other negative thoughts that justify eating myself sick with comfort food.
Here's what is so ironic though - I am SO HEALTHY NOW! I am in my healthy weight range, although a bit on the high end. I eat healthy food everyday, exercise, have improved my sleep (a little - this is still an area for improvement that I am working with my doctor on) and fell like I look great, if a little on the curvy side. The only reason I wanted to lose so much weight in May was because I gained it so quickly during a time of extreme stress.
I don't think I'm meant to be 122 lbs. I got down that low before Christmas, and I wasn't starving or anything, but I think it was a fluke and not realistice. No one - NO ONE - in my family ever weighed that little except during the great depression.
SO - here are my new goals.
No more counting calories - I'm at a healthy weight. I'd like to lose a couple more, but slowly and on my own terms. I know what a serving is, I've been on sparkpeople for like a year and a half. Instead of tracking calories on my calender, I am tracking feelings. Am I happy with what I ate? Feeling satisfied? Did I get stressed and overeat? If so, why? Because right now these occassional binges are the only thing stopping me from being completely happy with my health.
I am only weighing in and taking measurements twice a month. This will help me focus on how I FEEL, not a number.
I set a much less ambitious weigh goal on my spark goal tracker - 130 by mid July. I'm probably about 137 right now after the past couple days, but I'm not weighing in until the 15th. When I acurately entered in how many calories I burn (waaaay more then what spark recomended the last time I set my goals) my calorie range shot way up.
So that's how it is! I'm tracking feelings, not calories and taking things slower. I am so healthy and have built great habits, there is no reason for me to ahve a two day binge pity party!
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