Sunday, June 10, 2012
I haven't blogged in forever! I've been on sparkpeople, but not as active as I should be. I'm trying to focus on being more balanced in my weight loss/maintenance. I'm getting married in fall now, and family right after that. I'd like to work dieting out of my life so that I can raise a child without him/her seeing mom track food or complain about pants not fitting. Better to start now than AFTER wedding and baby, I guess.
Reading some of my old posts I realize I'm doing a lot better now, though. I don't think I even realized how stressed out I was! I have and have had a job that I love the past year, and I never realized how much that can help. Just having a full time job I enjoy doesn't just help me deal with my debt, but my self esteem too. Having a routine instead of working multiple crazy part time jobs is great.
That's all, folks!
Monday, April 04, 2011
So..... I've had a tough couple of days. This journey has been very long and after two years I'm finding myself more frustrated then ever. I was reminded of another time when I had a big goal that turned into a situation in which the journey was so difficult that the end result was not worth it. I wanted to be a CPA, applied thinking I was good to go for the exam and was told that I hadn't met the criteria. I was devestated but "persevered" and ended up spending a fortune on another degree only to be told no 18 months later when I AGAIN applied.
So I gave up. But that's an oversimplification. The truth was I became so OBSESSED with this goal that I was making myself miserable and comletely forgot why I wanted a CPA in the first place - to get a better career.
Well, I "gave up" on the CPA and guess what? I have a better career! And I'm more relaxed and happy.
I think I am now doing the same thing with my health. I am obessed with the scale because just like having a CPA is a mark of having a good career having a weight of 128 lbs (my goal that I hit little over a year ago) is a mark of good health. But I don't feel at all healthy. I hate tracking food, I hate weigh ins and I yoyo the same 5-10 lbs each month, sometimes within a week. Yeah, I've gained at my worst 8 lbs. in ONE WEEK.
I think this goal weight has to go where the CPA has gone. Today is that I am putting away the scale, keeping a journal and focusing on what I SHOULD eat and HOW I FEEL. No more 5-6 days of eating 100% to plan and then 3 days of binging and guilt. Each day I will eat to feel my best. If I am hungry, I will have a snack and not worry about going over my calories. If I'm not hungry, I won't eat. I don't HAVE to eat something so I'm not "hungry later" If I'm hungry later, I can eat later. Yeesh. Just typing that I realize how crazy this has become, lol!
This is going to be hard though. I like to quantify things (accounting major, lol!) and measure my success that way. But it's really hurting me so I need to do this for me.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I really feel like it is. First my relationship with my boyfriend has made a huge turn for the better after we broke up for a week. We realized we really do love each other and got back together and have been doing great since and even talk about having a family and spending the rest of our lives together.
Now today I just got a phone call offering me a great job, which of course I accepted! It's minutes from home and the pay is good so I can put a dent in that credit card and then work on my student loans. Oh yeah, I can also say good bye to working every Saturday! So not only is my personal life taking a turn for the better, but I can rest easy knowing that when we do commit to each other I won't be going into a marriage burdened with debt that I have to ask my husband to help me with.
I just cannot believe my luck, for the first time in years I really feel that life is looking up for me! The ironic thing is, none of this happened until I accepted the life that I had and make peace with it. When I realized my boyfriend might not love me and made peace with having to go back home to my parents and that I might not (at nearly 30) find a love again at least not one that I would start a family with, he told me that he really did love me and that he wanted to try and work things. We've been much happier since. And then I decided that maybe I was just going to work part-time and be poor my whole life but that it was ok because I was surrounded by people who love and care for me, BOOM! Job offer! Even better - all the decisions that I regretted lead up to me getting this job. I was so sorry I went back to school because of the debt, but during the interview they were so excited to see how much I valued education!
Sorry for long blog, but I'm just so happy now I haven't felt this way in ages! I don't know how long I was laughing and crying after I got that call, but I feel great - and BEST OF ALL - during all this stress (good and bad) I haven't turned to food ONCE and that's how it's staying! Personal, financial and physical health are all lookin' up from here!
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years and feeling really down. Am in the process of taking my necessaries to my parents 2 room condo until I find a place of my own. Have no idea how I'm going to do that on my salary, which is barely $1,000 a month.
I just feel numb. He's the only man I ever loved for any amount of time, much less 5 years. All of my best memories of the last 5 years are with him. I feel embarrassed of all things, because everyone was so sure it would work out and we were perfect for each other. Life sure if full of surprises.
I have to be positive that something good will come my way soon because it's just been so hard. Two years of a disastrous attempt at sitting for the CPA (twice they denied my application over bureaucratic fine print and they lost my case that challenged my qualifications to sit after I spend $30,000 on ANOTHER degree to meet their requirements) and now a failed relationship. The more "good" decisions I make, the worse things get.
Life is full of surprises, I'm just ready for a good one for a change. Time to visit my nephews I think. They're 3 and 4 yrs old and think I'm da bomb! :-) Nothing like a little toddler love to boost your self esteem!
I think I feel worst for my cat though. He was SOOOOOPER happy in our big town house, three floors to run around and no kids or other pets. Now it's back to one room, visiting children and my mom's b*tchy cat that he's afraid of! Poor guy...
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