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It's getting really hard.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My honey has been working A LOT (80-hours-a-week-or-more a lot). I have read wonderful suggestions of what to do with my time and I have followed many of these suggestions. They have really helped me keep busy and not think about my honey being gone so much.

But today has been the first day where I've been really really sad. I wake up anywhere from 6-8am, honey doesn't wake up until 10:00 or later because he works so late. So this has been my daily schedule for over a month now:
Wake up
Eat breakfast, Spark, dishes, cook, clean up
Honey wakes up, showers, gets ready for work.
I drive honey to work (it's the little bit of time we get to spend together).
Spend the afternoon doing stuff without my honey.
Pick up honey at night, go to bed soon thereafter.
Repeat daily.

It really sucks. I though that this summer was going to be wonderful because I wasn't taking any classes - we were going to spend lots of time together. But it really sucks. I am miserable, I am sad, I am actually kind of looking forward to school starting again so I have something to take my mind off this.
And the thing that sucks the most is that I can't do anything about it. I am very supportive of my honey and his job... sometimes I just want to go into the management office and scream that our relationship and home life is suffering because of his hours. But I wouldn't want him coming into my principal's office, so I sit back and wait and sigh.

I know that today I should have gone for a swim. But I just couldn't. I didn't want to leave the house and have to talk to anyone about my summer. So I stayed in and cleaned A LOT (I think it may have been enough cleaning to warrant entering it into the fitness tracker). I may go out later to get some stuff for school; I don't know that I want to sit around *all* night and mope... but it's hard. I've been trying so hard to put on a happy face and act like everything is ok, but it's getting to the point where it's not ok anymore. I just don't know what to do. I am the saddest I've been in a long time.

And lately, everything I've been doing to try to take my mind *off* being lonely has just made me think of my honey more. Go out with some friends to hear a friend play a gig - one friend just got engaged, so we talked about that all night. Sigh. Went to a wedding on Friday night - got to see the happy couple dancing together. Sigh. Meet with my trainer - she asks me when the wedding is. Sigh.

Luckily, though, I have been doing well with my nutrition. I have been staying within my goal ranges (although tonight I had two fajitas which may have put me over a little bit, but I'm not sweating it) and successfully avoiding the Depression Binge. And I've been doing pretty well with my fitness, although I'm not quite meeting the minute goals I set for myself. I'm not going to beat myself up for it, though.
Tomorrow I have a class at the gym, so I'm going a bit early to get in a workout (the class is a stretch class, so it will feel good after a hard strength training session).

I try really really hard to be positive through all this, but I just needed to vent a bit. I hate to complain to my honey, he knows how much it sucks too. It's funny - even though I really don't *know* many of my Spark friends, I feel like I can count on you all to make sure I don't eat myself into a brownie ice cream-induced coma.

And since I hate to end on a sucky note, here are some good things.

- Honey noticed my arms are getting smaller. He told me they felt really good.
- I have successfully avoided the cereal for two days.
- Wine consumption has been limited to one glass a night, and it feels good.
- The house has never been cleaner.

Off to fold some laundry and get a shopping list together... don't know that I really feel like heading out tonight, but tomorrow I just might.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMTO3BOYZ2000 8/12/2010 10:59PM

    I miss my hubby as well. I work during the day and he works second shift. So I go to work early in the morning, when I get home from work, he has already gone to work. When he gets home from work, I'm already asleep. It's sad, even though we live in the same house, we only usually get to see each other on the weekends. But it could be worse....he could be stationed overseas and not get to see each other for months on end.

So....stay positive and find things to do that you really like or try some new things.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 8/12/2010 9:00PM

    My fiance and I are in the same situation. Sometimes the only time I see him is when I drive him to work. I realized I was eating out of boredom and resentment. He explained to me that he needs to feel like he is providing for us and taking care of the family for him to feel good about himself and I get that. He is going to take an extra day off soon and I think it will be good for us. For years we have not had a single day off together and he works nights and I work days so I literally almost never see him. It is hard but you are working towards something together and your support probably makes it all possible. Focusing on your health is a great way to take control of the situation for yourself. Hugs, It will get better.

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CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 8/12/2010 4:26PM

    OMIGOSH! While reading your post I SO felt your sadness! The first SEVERAL years of our marriage hubby worked LONG hours(70-80)and they were midnight shift. Well, he'd wake at 4pm, leave at 5-6 pm and get home to go to sleep at 8-10 am. I was home with the older kids who were very very young at the time. Finally, after many yrs of prayer, he went to dayshift. Still had long hrs but at least he was home in the times the kids were awake too. I actually threatened the D word a few times b/c we NEVER saw him!(there would be 3 days in a row most weeks that the kids wouldn't lay eyes on him).
I remember the sadness and loneliness..gradually you'll get things to do(like school in the fall) and it won't seem so bleak. In the meantime, we're all here for you so cry and scream and let it out~we'll listen!

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MIAMIA7 8/12/2010 2:53PM

    Aw Carrie-that's so tough! And as Bobby said, I can relate. He worked so many hours and I was home with our oldest who was just 3. At least I had him to keep busy but I knew NO ONE! That was tough. I just made friends really fast. Hmmm, I actually remember joining a gym class and took Phillip with me. Hang in there. It doesn't necessarily get easier but you adjust and find things to fill the time. Eventually (for me it was years and 2 more kids) things change-whether it be career or a move-and you realize you made it through! Remember you can always vent here. That's what spark friends are for-support!
Anne

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MUFFIY831 8/12/2010 10:03AM

    I'm sorry this is so difficult. Like others, I hope that it will calm down and you can spend more time together. Take this time apart to focus on yourself, your goals, which I think you've been doing. Having a stronger you will make for a stronger team when you're finally able to spend more time together. Hang in there!

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COOPSM 8/12/2010 8:20AM

    Carrie---I am sorry this is so hard on you...I get it...it does suck...but it will get easier...when hubby and I first hooked up..he worked 4 hours away--so we be gone for dyas on end..then come home from a bunch..just to leave again....
It will get easier....keep that head up and hang in there!!!!
How far are you from Grove City???

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JILLIANPRNCSS 8/12/2010 7:07AM

    Does your honey know how you feel? I know that he can't do anything bur sometimes a good cry and vent helps clear it up so you can move on.

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TMAC10 8/12/2010 6:10AM

    I don't have much words in form of advice, although I know you've heard it all, but always feel like you can vent! I'm here as a listening here if you need anything!

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LAGREBE 8/12/2010 4:40AM

    As difficult as your situation is it sometimes helps to look at worse senarios. In your case it could be: Military wife and husband in a war zone... Hang in there! You are a lot stronger than you think!

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TORTUETOO 8/11/2010 11:56PM

    I know I've said this before but as someone who has been doing this for the past 9 years, I feel your pain and your loneliness. Stay strong sweetie. It never gets nicer per se but you do adjust and it does get easier. Big hugs. emoticon

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BOBBYD31 8/11/2010 10:45PM

    first of all step away from the brownie ice cream!!!!!! sorry you have to go thru this, it was similar to anne and i when we first got married. i took her 9 hours away from all friends and family and worked all the time. we got thru it and you will too, you have spark, your exercise routine, your friends and school soon use these to get out.
believe me this will make your relationship stronger because the little time you have with each other each week is special, just remember to treat it that way.

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ONECOOKIETWO 8/11/2010 9:48PM

    Hey, you have every right to feel sucky about the 80 hours/week you don't get to see him. How long is this schedule going to last? Relationships are built on being together to HAVE them!

This is so not fair to the both of yas. I hope it is temporary and that you and he will get to have a lot of quality time together soon, and onward into the future. If not... is that job of his really worth the sacrifice?

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PINKCOCONUT 8/11/2010 8:57PM

    I hear ya on the opposite hours with the honey. It totally sucks! But you're right, blogging it out is better than eating it! *big hugs* I hope things turn around soon and feel free to message me any time!

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CGREEN717 8/11/2010 7:40PM

    I can so relate to how your feeling. When my husband was a truck driver and gone for weeks on end it was so hard for me to want to do ANYTHING. I missed him so much it hurt. It literally felt like a part of me was dead.
So, as for what your going through, don't worry your not alone. Do you have any other friends that live close to you that suffer with the same problem??? If so, maybe you could start a little group of woman that support each other there???

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Wednesday 8-11

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Did everything on my list yesterday. I even relaxed and (gasp) left some dishes in the sink!

Today I will:
Drink lots of water
Get in either a swim or a bike ride (it's really humid right now - don't really feel like riding in this, so we'll see what happens later.)
Go shopping for something on my back-to-school list
Vacuum the downstairs
Stick to the eating plan - I have it all figured out!

Last night I went to Power Zen. It's a yoga-Pilates class using a Reebok core board, so the balance is challenging. I can NOT get into the "teaser" Pilates position. Ugh. I am definitely going to have to practice this one at home. But something I noticed - when we had to do to the low staff to plank (a tricky way of saying "push-up), I could do it much more easily than ever before! I could even go from dipping my hips to a low staff with no problem, and then push-up and go into down dog. This is a BIG step for me - that used to be one of the hardest parts of class for me. I was SO excited when I realized what I just did! So then, of course, I had to come home and measure my upper arms. I have lost about 1/2 an inch in each arm (!!!) since the last time I measured, about a month-month and a half ago. Wow! This eating right and strength training stuff is really working!

Another part of my body I notice changing is my outer thighs. They are definitely getting slimmer - I can see it and feel it. These are changes that aren't necessarily showing up on the scale, or even making my clothes fit better, but I notice myself getting firmer and stronger. Hallelujah, the consistency and new goal-setting is paying off!

Went for my walk, had lots of water already, going to enter today's snacks into the nutrition tracker...

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 8/12/2010 4:29PM

    What a great blog!(I read your sad blog first)
I have to get back to ST! You have motivated me as my arms used to be the highlight of my body. Since running and baby, the arms have a taken a closet seat but I need to get back to them.
You're doing great!!!

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GSDMIKE 8/11/2010 3:07PM

    You and Bobby have me thinking about swimming, reading your blogs. I haven't been in the pool in 3 years, and struggled with it then, but I'm thinking about trying a few laps tonight while Sherry is working with her PT.

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LBEEKMA 8/11/2010 10:59AM

    Isn't it great to feel stronger! The clothes changes/lbs. will come!

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PINKCOCONUT 8/11/2010 10:18AM

    Ohhh!!! Exciting! You're giving me some much needed motivation for strength training!

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Sticking to the plan...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I often have trouble sticking to a plan for more than a week. I get bored, i don't see the results I want... but this time it's going to be different. I laid out a plan for August, and I'm going to stick to it.
As much as I like to make lists and plan, it was nice not having to come up with a whole new plan for this week. Tweak the protein number, and that was it.

Today I will:

Go into school for a little bit to drop off some stuff.
Drink a ton of water.
Stick to the eating plan (I even planned my snacks for today!)
Get to the gym this afternoon for Power Zen and a TM run. My muscles need a rest from weight training - I did a lot yesterday.
Try to relax a little bit - my honey reminded me that I need to take a little time for myself before school starts.
Be positive!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERS1973 8/11/2010 3:33PM

    You know, when I started SP my only goal was to record everything I eat for the month of August. I haven't used the food plan or the exercise plan. I can't wait to see if it works for you. Maybe having someone else create the plan for me and I just have to follow it would work. You've got me thinking!!

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LSCHULER72 8/10/2010 6:16PM

    Your hubby is right-make sure to take that time for you. Go for it!!!

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PPCM_SURVIVOR 8/10/2010 11:21AM

    emoticon

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MRS.PRINCIPAL 8/10/2010 11:16AM

    Sounds like a great plan! It's easier to stick to now that you've written it down. Have a great week.

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KARVY09 8/10/2010 10:54AM

    You can do it, girl.

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GSDMIKE 8/10/2010 10:50AM

    Power Zen sounds like an oxymoron to me. I love plans. I live to plan. I feel lost without a plan. When I'm really living the plan it's a dynamic thing though, constantly refined, revised, revamped, I ran out of re-words.

Have a great day, and enjoy some powerful zen.

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It's hot.

Monday, August 09, 2010

I really haven't done much of anything today. It's just one of those Lazy Days of Summer. But I *did* get to the gym... Took a nap and when I woke up, decided that I couldn't be a lump for the entire day. Just like every other time I go to the gym, it was wonderful once I got going - it's just getting out the door that's the problem.

This evening I will:
Stick to a very low-cal soup for dinner. I ate cereal at lunch (bleh - too much of it) so I am going to take it easy at dinner.
Drink lots of water.
Plan meals for the rest of the week.
Make some shopping lists.
Lay on the couch.

Bought some chocolate milk yesterday. I am getting pretty good at adding protein into my diet - I've been consistently hitting my goal. This conscious decision to add more protein has also caused me to really *think* about my snacks - instead of crackers and jelly, I've been having Greek yogurt or cottage cheese and fruit or hard-boiled eggs. With the exception of today's mini cereal binge (it was very mini - I was able to stop myself before it got out of control), I have been doing well on the nutrition stuff.

Yawn... off to get some water and a nap.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TORTUETOO 8/10/2010 10:26AM

    I had to consciously up my protein, too. I'm not a vegetarian, but I don't eat a ton of meat so sometimes it's hard for me to work in as much as I'm supposed to have. I went the powder route...I add it it to my oatmeal and smoothies for breakfast. I've found that really helps. Cottage cheese is a good idea, though! I don't know why but I never even think about it. Thanks for the tip!

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COOPSM 8/10/2010 5:05AM

    Great job on stopping the cereal downward spiral...I love my cereal too!!!

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SOUTHGOINGZAX 8/10/2010 12:25AM

    Go protein! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BOBBYD31 8/10/2010 12:16AM

    because of you i keep adding more protein also but i have been adding meat, thanks for the reminder

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CAMROLA 8/9/2010 10:08PM

    I admire you for always getting a workout in, even with the heat! It's definitely been a HOT one this summer!

emoticon

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GOALIEGRANDMA3 8/9/2010 7:13PM

    what is chocolate milk over the moon? I love chocolate, so this interests me

150 calories for a cup isn't bad, either

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DREBENEZER 8/9/2010 6:23PM

    Yea...it's hot. LOL.

Soup sounds good!

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PINKCOCONUT 8/9/2010 6:14PM

    You're awesome!

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FLB.MMA 8/9/2010 5:19PM

  Sounds like you got it under control!!! It is hot here also. It is about 5:15pm and it is 96 degrees (bardstown, ky) emoticon

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LSCHULER72 8/9/2010 5:18PM

    Enjoy!

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Thoughts

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Just some things...

Friday's wedding was beautiful. Bride was gorgeous. Had the vegetarian meal - delish. Did well with the open bar and dessert buffet.

Saturday I spent time shopping with mom instead of going for a bike ride - it was nice though; we don't go shopping together too often, so it was definitely worth it. Got some cute new tops to transition into fall.
Yesterday's eating was all over the place, though. I went out for breakfast and lunch, and dinner was not the planned stir-fry, but instead a PB&J and some crackers. And two cookies. Bleh... but today I am ready to get back on track and have some super delish and healthy food.

This week's goal is to have 70 grams of protein a day. I just snacked on some Greek yogurt, and I had my milk for breakfast, so I'm already over half-way there. i feel like eating more protein during the day is keeping me from getting snacky after dinner.
Made a zucchini bread this morning - most of it is going into the freezer. It's nice to have individual pieces of a sweet for when the mood strikes.
Later today I am going to make some carrot-potato soup for the freezer. We have lots of carrots, and I'd like to use most of them up for the soup. I've been doing really well using up our veggies from the farm; with honey working so much, it has been a challenge for me to figure out what to do with everything.

I had originally planned on going to the gym today, but if I don't get there, I'm not going to sweat it. Today is a day with my honey (he's home for most of the day), and I want to take advantage of that. Maybe I'll take my bike up to the mountain for a little ride around there... it's a beautiful day!

Off to do some grocery shopping...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CASSIOEPIA 8/8/2010 10:08PM

    Great thoughts! Sounds like you did awesome at the wedding, and spent a nice day with your mom. Hope you also had a great day today with your man!

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COOPSM 8/8/2010 9:52PM

    Carrie---sounds like a great weekend...I think I may try the milk trick when I get the munchies...hmmm...need to keep more greek yogurt on hand too...
Glad you got some honey time today....

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SEPPIESUSAN 8/8/2010 12:59PM

    Sounds like you did an awesome job at the wedding. Dessert buffet.......mmm...

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GSDMIKE 8/8/2010 11:57AM

    Mmmm, soup. And zucchini bread. Now you've got me thinking about what to cook for dinner. Maybe a nice lentil soup...

Enjoy your day with your fella.

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ACROSONIC 8/8/2010 11:44AM

    Enjoy your day!

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