Friday, January 28, 2011
January 1st was my two-year Sparkversary. In the two years I've been Sparking, I've learned a lot about my body and what I need to do to keep it healthy. I've been able to keep 30 pounds off and live the life I want to live.
But I still get scared... I get scared about gaining the weight back. I haven't had a serious scare in a while, but this week was one of those weeks. Actually, it's been one of those months. My brother moved to Qatar for a semester to teach, we've had umpteen snow days where I haven't been able to get out to the gym, and there are a million more excuses... but yesterday afternoon I was actually scared that my body was not going to go back to wanting exercise... that it wasn't going to want good food anymore... that it would be happy creeping up in size until I'd have to buy bigger clothes.
Last night I had one of those moments, though, where the desire to be fit was more than the desire to overeat. I wrote yesterday that I got the new J.Crew arrivals via e-mail... during the winter, it's easy to think "oh, I can throw on a sweater." But when those cute bikinis popped up on my e-mail, it was like "Oh sh*# !!! THAT'S why I'm working so hard and treating my body right." I immediately stopped craving cereal, and I even got two carrots as a snack.
So tonight was Chip Night. I decided earlier in the week that on Friday (today), I'd get whatever I wanted for dinner, not feel bad about it, get it out of my system. And a funny thing happened. I went in for chips, and I didn't really want them anymore. I bought them anyway - I thought "well, if I don't get them now while I'm here, the craving will get so out of control that I won't be able to stand it anymore." So I picked up a bag of Kettle Chips and a single-serving of Haagen-Dazs strawberry.
Got home, started eating the chips, and I thought "you know, I don't really want these. They don't taste that good, and I don't feel that good eating them." So I threw most of them away. I will admit, I enjoyed every single bite of the ice cream. I think if I would have gotten a pint, it would be gone. So I'm glad I got the little one.
I picked up some cherries at the store so I didn't look like a *complete* pig getting chips and ice cream, and i actually enjoyed the cherries a ton more than I enjoyed the chips.
So I guess the point of this blog is to say that even though it was hard, I kept faith in my body. I thought "ok body, I'll give you one more chance to get the chip craving out before I totally get worried." And my body didn't let me down. It knew I meant business, and tonight it worked with me to get back in the right state of mind. My routine got knocked for a loop, and I wasn't adjusting well. It was getting easier and easier to make excuses, and harder and harder to make the right choices. But my body hung in there.
I send out a gigantic, HUGE THANK YOU!!!! to you all for leaving supportive and kind words for me. You assured me that I'd get through this, and I did. THANK YOU!!!!!!!
So if you are having a difficult time getting back into it, trust in that body of yours. It knows what it wants, sometimes it takes a little bit of time and work to get back on the same wavelength. But you will. You'll rediscover the joy of peeing often because you're getting enough water. You'll rediscover how awesome it feels to finish a killer workout and be reminded of it two days later when your thighs are burning. You'll especially like the joy of looking in the mirror and once again being happy with what you see. It's nicer to see muscles emerging instead of a roll.