Thursday, July 15, 2010
I can't explain why I am in the funk that I am in... but... I am!
Tonight I am giving in to a few of my challenges of the day...
I went grocery shopping today, I bought: salad fixings, grapes, bananas, light breads, Bagel Thins, FF Cottage Cheese, WW Cream Cheese, Yoplait Light Yogurts, tuna, and light microwave popcorn!
I stayed out of the potato chip aisle... looked at ice cream but decided I can't go there right now... just followed my list and feel good about it!
So my plan of the night, will be to MAKE the salad... and rinse the grapes and set them up in single serving baggies... might eat a salad when it is done... meanwhile I am giving in to an indulgence of wine!
I am tracking it... and STILL not in my calorie range, or carbs, or fat... so guess I had better find SOMETHING to eat that will cover the calories, etc.! :-)
Just hoping to feel better by the morning!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
My dear friend passed away yesterday. She has been battling cancer for about 11 months ow, and yesterday she finally lost the battle!
I am deeply saddened by her passing... but I do feel a sense of comfort, knowing she is not in pain anymore! I saw her on Sunday, and I know that she would never want to be "alive" like that! She couldn't talk... she could barely move... she was alert enough to smile during a (one sided) conversation with me... it gave me pleasure to know I was still making her smile.
I let my emotions take over last night... but not so out of whack that it did me any "damage". I guess I AM learning a few things here and there!
I am back on track today, and don't anticipate any binges... but I also know it can still happen... I will just make the best choices I can, and work toward the end result.
I am NOT feeling very motivated today... didn't sleep well last night... I think that has something to do with my lack of motivation, but I still have my healthy lunch packed, and hopefully will remain in control whether I feel like it or not!
SO, While I will miss my friend, I also know that my being out of control will NOT bring her back... the only thing I can do to honor her memory, is to be as healthy as I can be... without killing myself!
Rest in peace my Dear Deb... you made my world a better place the past 4 years!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Please.............. when WAS the last time I didn't eat enough??? Now I seem to be in the "rut" of not eating enough!! I am sure I am tracking everything I eat... not feeling hungry... but it says I have only hit about half my daily calorie range!!
HOW can that be???
I also track everything on WW, and have been OVER my points the past few days... some days it feels like I cannot win, no matter WHAT I do!!!!
I have also been to Curves 3 times this week... apparently I am burning to o many calories for what I am eating... I am so not sure how this can happen!
I will continue to eat "healthy" and track in both places, but I will NOT eat "more" just to satisfy my SP recommended calorie guidelines!!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I just completed the local Relay for Life event. Well we walked from Friday night around 6 PM to 2 PM Saturday. They shortened it a bit with the heavy rains that we had!
I walked 10 laps = 5 miles, over the coarse of the event. I shared walking "duties" with the rest of the team... but we kept someone on the track during the complete event.
I got plenty of exercise, but... we also don't have the healthiest of foods while there!
Yesterday I opted for a McMuffin sandwich... INSTEAD of the donuts, crumb and coffee cakes that were there! Was that a good choice? I think so... got my egg and cheese with low fat Canadian Bacon... which filled me up and I didn't snack a lot before lunch! I thought the sugar and carbs in the donuts and such would make me want MORE!
It was a very emotional time for me. A dear friend had breast cancer back in August of last year... she went through the chemo, the surgery and the radiation, only to find that the tumors had moved to her brain. Again with the surgery and radiation... to then be told the cancer cells are in her spinal cord fluid!
Apparently now there is nothing else thy can do... other than try to eleviate some of her pain and discomfort. She has had two episodes of her legs giving out on her, as well as numerous times where her hands and fingers get numb and/or tingly! I was having a hard time this weekend, thinking about all the money being raised and yet they still can't come to a cure for this horrible diease.
Actually made me wonder why the hell I bother? Is it TRULY doing ANY good at all??? I have been walking in our local Relay event for the past 14 years, and still nothiing can be done for my friend!
Along with this came my emotional eating... and the berating of myself... I know thinking back on it won't change it... but I am trying to decide IF I go again next year, what can I bring to substitute for the non-healthy things I had!!
We had chips... mostly baked ones, so not AS bad as usual. I also "lightened" the macaroni and potato salads I made... we had Arnold Sandwich Thins instead of regular burger rolls! I know I made a few better choices... but for some reason I didn't eat the fruit that we had there... it just didn't hit me as a good snack!!
I am back on track (with a couple of exceptions) today... and am planning my meals for the upcoming week...
Don't get me wrong... I am not beating myself up (anymore) for the weekend... I just wish I had drank more water... eaten some of the fruits... walked a little more... but hey... It was only one weekend out of my life... so now I get back in control!!
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