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tuesday Jokes and My Daily Self-Assessment

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Jokes and My Daily Self-Assessment
Fast break goal
Use a piece of fitness equipment each day : 1x / day –fitness equipment –dumbell
Drink eight 8-oz cups of water each day –yes I got my water in
Write in a journal 3 times per week yes I write my blog yesterday
Track food- track imoring but since I ate the rest of the buffett didn’t know how to track dinner
Motivation –wanted to be able to tell you guys I did strength so last night while mom was watching tv I did strength training next to her it work out pretty
Motivational quotes of the day
The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vidal Sassoon


My Daily Self-Assessment
Making healthy food choices –I did so and making good choice since I need to finish the food leftover from my nephew party.
Being physically active –yes I was really active yesterday
Feeling motivated- yes I felt motivated
Sticking with my program overall except for learning how to take in less calories I did well on my plan
Highlights
I broke my record in the mile I walk a mile in 19 min
Challenges-. Trying not to overeat yesterday while finishing food form the party
Okay sparkcoach Say you should have exercise workout plan so here mine for next week
My Workout plan
This week, we are going to focus on a different part of the body each day for a all around workout.

One day, focus on stretching exercises such as yoga, one day on upper body, one day on lower body, one day on core, and one day cardio and one day do circuit training.

6 days...6 different types of movement! 7 day my choice


1st day Cardio[ did wii gold gym cardio boxing and did my biggest loser walking dvd with ball so my cardio was done 2nd day CARDIO AND STRENGTH did a walking video with shapely girl and did 15 min of strength while being with mom in the living while she was watching tv. Mom want me with her when in the evening
3RD day CARDIO did coach Nicole cardio workout and did a mile walk and will do something when I get home hopefully
t4th day STRENGTH
5TH DAY CARDIO 6 TH DAY FLEXIBILITY 7TH DAY CARDIO AND STRENGTH
Jokes
DIETING


This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.

BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's Kiss

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate-chip topping

DINNER
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family-size Supreme pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

How to be Annoying in the Computer Lab
• Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream, "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
• Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
• Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
• Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
• Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say, "Just in case..." mysteriously.
• Every time you press return and there is processing time required, pray, "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease,
" and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
• If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Thong Song" whenever there is processing time required.
• Draw a picture of a man on a piece of paper and tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that men are worthless.
• When you start up a PC, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is.
• Sit and stare at the screen, chomping on your nails. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
• Take the keyboard and sit on it. Type like this. Then go and complain about the bad working conditions.
• Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in a great flood" and continue working.
• Bring some dry ice and make it look like the computer is smoking.
• When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
• Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
• Run into the computer lab, shout, "The Apocalypse is here!" then calmly sit down and begin to type.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IAMWINNING 8/21/2012 6:53PM

    Sounds good to me, Karen. emoticon

I may have to go buy the ingredients for the stress diet....I certainly have the stress! LOL

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PROUDLILMOM 8/21/2012 5:46PM

    You are doing great. Keep up the great work :)

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2WHEELEDSHARON 8/21/2012 2:17PM

    You're doing great, much better than that stress diet! Lol.
Good for you for doing ST while you watch tv with mom. I watched tv yesterday but I can't admit to doing anything else. Oh well at least I wasn't stuffing my face.
Have a fantastic week!

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PHATPAT18 8/21/2012 2:17PM

    cute jokes

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monday Jokes and My Daily Self-Assessment

Monday, August 20, 2012

Jokes and My Daily Self-Assessment
Fast break goal
Use a piece of fitness equipment each day : 1x / day –fitness equipment my ball with the biggest loser walking dvd
Drink eight 8-oz cups of water each day –yes I got my water in
Write in a journal 3 times per week yes I write my blog yesterday
Track food- no I found since I ate from a buffett it wwas hard to track but I did wach my portion
Motivation –wanted to be able to tell you guys I did a workout
Motivational quotes of the day
Exercise alone provides psychological and physical benefits. However, if you also adopt a strategy that engages your mind while you exercise, you can get a whole host of psychological benefits fairly quickly.
James Rippe, I like weights. You know where you stand with them. Well, sometimes you're lying under them, trying not to let them crush you, but you see, you KNOW they'd crush you if they could. There's honesty.
T. Campbell and Gisele Lagace, Penny and Aggie, 09-12-05



My Daily Self-Assessment
Making healthy food choices –okay I did in the morning but then went to my newphew birthday party tried to eat with good portion but the food weren’t the healthiest
Being physically active –yes I was really active yesterday
Feeling motivated- yes I felt motivated
Sticking with my program overall except for learning how to take in less calories I did well on my plan
Highlights
got in 2 workout session one on the wii and the other my biggest loser with my ball
Challenges-. Trying not to overeat yesterday without insulting any of my family who pride there cooking skills
Okay sparkcoach Say you should have exercise workout plan so here mine for next week
My Workout plan
This week, we are going to focus on a different part of the body each day for a all around workout.

One day, focus on stretching exercises such as yoga, one day on upper body, one day on lower body, one day on core, and one day cardio and one day do circuit training.

6 days...6 different types of movement! 7 day my choice


1st day Cardio[ did wii gold gym cardio boxing and did my biggest loser walking dvd with ball so my cardio was done 2nd day CARDIO AND STRENGTH did a walking video with shapely girl and will do something strength why when I get home
3RD day CARDIO 4th day STRENGTH
5TH DAY CARDIO 6 TH DAY FLEXIBILITY 7TH DAY CARDIO AND STRENGTH
Jokes
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage, We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

“A great way for to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much.”
Frank Varano

“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.”
E-Mail from Randy


"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise!"
A Congressman's response about his attitude toward whiskey.

. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
Card Buddies
Two elderly ladies had been friends since their 30s. Now in their 80s, they still got together a couple of times a week to play cards. One day they were playing gin rummy and one of them said, "You know, we’ve been friends for many years and, please don't get mad, but for the life of me, I can't remember your name. Please tell me what it is."
Her friend glared at her. She continued to glare and stare at her for at least three minutes. Finally, she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NPA4LOSS 8/20/2012 7:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LINDWGAYLE4 8/20/2012 6:16PM

    Great job on goals and awesome jokes I like to read them after a stressful day and I enjoy the laugh thanks.

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IAMWINNING 8/20/2012 12:56PM

    Great goals met!

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CONTENTCHRIS 8/20/2012 12:35PM

    Another good day my friend . One small step soon adds to big results! emoticon

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2WHEELEDSHARON 8/20/2012 12:31PM

    Way to use sparkcoach! You're doing so great you even have me doing great. I did a lot of strength training yesterday because I thought of all the times you worked out even though you didn't want to. Thanks for making me do it;-)

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JCD1127 8/20/2012 12:31PM

  wow- there is a lot to read here. I like the jokes. laughing is necessary for us all! thanks emoticon

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sunday Jokes and My Daily Self-Assessmen

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Jokes and My Daily Self-Assessment
Fast break goal
Use a piece of fitness equipment each day : 1x / day –fitness equipment yes us the wii Drink eight 8-oz cups of water each day –yes I got my water in
Write in a journal 3 times per week yes I write my blog yesterday
Track food- yes but did not stay in range went to dinner at bar and then out for ice cream
Motivation –wanted to be able to tell you guys I did a workout
Motivational quotes of the day
If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution." - Author Unknown
"Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." - Author Unknown
" __________________________
____________________________
____________

My Daily Self-Assessment
Making healthy food choices –okay I did in the moring and afternoon but I was lonely in the evening and went to the bar and ice cream store but watch my portion pretty well
Being physically active –yes I was really active yesterday
Feeling motivated- yes I felt motivated
Sticking with my program overall except for learning how to take in less calories I did well on my plan
Highlights
did my strength exercises on the wii
Challenges-. Also I am needing to handle sparkcoach better it cutting my exercise time,.
Okay sparkcoach Say you should have exercise workout plan so here mine for next week
My Workout plan
This week, we are going to focus on a different part of the body each day for a all around workout.

One day, focus on stretching exercises such as yoga, one day on upper body, one day on lower body, one day on core, and one day cardio and one day do circuit training.

6 days...6 different types of movement! 7 day my choice


1st day Cardio[ did wii gold gym cardio boxing and did my biggest loser walking dvd with ball so my cardio was done 2nd day CARDIO AND STRENGTH
3RD day CARDIO 4th day STRENGTH
5TH DAY CARDIO 6 TH DAY FLEXIBILITY 7TH DAY CARDIO AND STRENGTH
Jokes
Fruit Salad

Three guys who were lost at sea ended up landing on an unfamiliar island. After wandering around for a while, a group of natives picked them up and took them to their hut. The chief came up to them and said, "We will let you live, if you can go out into the jungle and bring me 10 pieces of fruit." So the men agree and take off. The first guy brings back 10 apples and places them before the chief. "Now, you must stick the apples up your ass and not show a bit of emotion, or else we will kill you." The guy got one, and on the second, he flinched and was killed. The second guy walks up and shows the chief 10 berries. He is given the same task and makes it up to 8 and then begins to laugh histerically. He is also killed. When the second guy gets to heaven and meets up with the first, the first asks him "You almost had it! Why did you laugh??" The second replies, "I couldnt help it. I got the 8th up there and saw the other guy walking up with pineapple
A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. 'Oh dear, what's the bad news ?' asked the patient. The doctor replied, 'You only have 24 hours to live'. 'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?' The doc Δ

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER !" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
* I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
* I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
* Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
* How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
* Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
* Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
* OK, so what's the speed of dark?
* I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANNYQUINN 8/20/2012 8:17PM

    emoticon very funny are those fruits for the day? Good plan What kind of Ice Cream?

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JANTWO 8/20/2012 12:26AM

    Great goals!!!! You are doing awesome!!!!

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saturdAY JOKES AND OBSERVATION

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Fast break goal
Use a piece of fitness equipment each day : 1x / day –fitness equipment yesterday –not yesterdat
Drink eight 8-oz cups of water each day –yes I got my water in
Write in a journal 3 times per week yes I write my blog yesterday
Track food- yes and stay in range yeah

Motivation –MY ARTHRITIC I KNOW IF T EXERCISE MY joints FEEL BETTER\Motivational quotes of the day
. “In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties.”
Henri Frederic Amiel quote

__ Joan_Welsh: "A man's Health can be judged by which he takes two at a time -- pills or stairs.
Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the
journey!
- Barbara Hoffman
" __________________________
____________________________
____________

My Daily Self-Assessment
Making healthy food choices –did oaky but still working on snack
Being physically active –yes I was really active yesterday
Feeling motivated- yes I felt motivated
Sticking with your program overall except for learning how to take in less calories I did well on my plan
Highlights
getting to walk in the morning before work
Challenges- it Was not my wallet so I am back to square 1. Also I am needing to handle sparkcoach better it cutting my exercise time,.
Okay sparkcoach Say you should have exercise workout plan so here mine for next week
My Workout plan
This week, we are going to focus on a different part of the body each day for a all around workout.

One day, focus on stretching exercises such as yoga, one day on upper body, one day on lower body, one day on core, and one day cardio and one day do circuit training.

6 days...6 different types of movement! 7 day my choice


1st day Cardio 2nd day CARDIO AND STRENGTH
3RD day CARDIO 4th day STRENGTH
5TH DAY CARDIO 6 TH DAY FLEXIBILITY 7TH DAY CARDIO AND STRENGTH

jokes
Chocolate facts

Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean is a vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS.
Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk,
which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

Another important thing is to put "eat chocolate" at the top of
your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get
one thing done.

Before I forget, a nice box of chocolates can provide your total
daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?

A special reminder: "Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts"!
________________________________________


The Most Grief

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed
most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous,
and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs
in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we
all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it
is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after
eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding
cake"
________________________________________


Duck, Duck, Duck???


My story starts off with my ex-husband going duck hunting. First time ever. He came home with one duck and I was given the directions on how to clean it by our elderly neighbour. Well you are supposed to boil a pot of water and leave the duck in the water just long enough for the feathers to come off nicely. Hmmmm I placed it in the water and meanwhile the phone rang. It was my girlfriend and I left the kitchen and went into the living-room to chat. Well one hour later, I hung up the phone and that is when I smelled this awful odour coming from the kitchen. My duck!!! Yes, I dipped it in the water alright, only I cooked the darn thing with its feathers, guts and all. I removed it from the pot and it stood on its feet on my counter with its beak twisted sideways and looking like something out of this world. Was this my duck I was going to be so proud of? My very first duck! Oh my goodness you had to be there to see it. I cried and laughed at the same time. Mind you my ex did not think it was so fun

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DBELLE39 8/19/2012 7:08PM

    Consistency is definitely a part of your strategy, you are doing great.

Love the jokes, too funny, thanks for sharing.

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SPARKCHANTAL 8/19/2012 5:15PM

    there's this duck...

one day, he goes to a pharmacy and asks for some lip salve.
'shall i put it on your credit card?' says the pharmacist.
naw... just put it on my bill!


sorry-- couldn't resist.

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LINDWGAYLE4 8/19/2012 7:38AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 8/19/2012 7:12AM

    love that you are doing so well being motivated and exercising it is great if you can to get it done in the morning that way no excuses husbands lol mine has a huge garden and always brings me a pile of vegetables when I am busy tired or stressed thank God he makes his own sauce.examples trying to figure out what to do with 12 zucchinis or 3 collonders of string beans her are 27 pepers dear lol another favorite of his cleaning and rearranging my living room and i get home from work tired and he says sorry i dont know what to do with pile of mail or kids schoolwork or worse is when he throws important stiff out lol when they do work they make 4 times more for us

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EGRAMMY 8/18/2012 9:15PM

    emoticon You help us with your blogs. Thanks.

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2WHEELEDSHARON 8/18/2012 4:14PM

    Darnit, sorry to hear about your wallet.
I love your workout plan. Keep up the awesome work.

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FITKAT62 8/18/2012 3:47PM

  Sounds like you are doing well with exercise. Sorry to hear about the wallet.
Great jokes!
emoticon

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CONTENTCHRIS 8/18/2012 1:25PM

    Your still here , Your still working, as long as i can log on and see

your blog things will be great for you.. I know when I slack off

I do not blog nearly as much and that is a tell tale sign.

I for sure agree if he kills it he needs to clean and gut it at

least. You may cook it ..

However , I know I pawn a ton off on my sweet wife so

I know where you are in that manner as well. emoticon

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LOLAINSC 8/18/2012 12:13PM

    Cute story, but if your ex enjoys hunting, he should clean his own duck--and deer, and rabbits, and fish for that matter--that's part of the deal.
Sorry about your wallet, how frustrating!
emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/18/2012 12:16:57 PM

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LOSER05 8/18/2012 11:57AM

    emoticon

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friday jokes and Observations

Friday, August 17, 2012

Fast break goal
Use a piece of fitness equipment each day : 1x / day – nu fitness equipment yesterday – yes I use dumbell
Drink eight 8-oz cups of water each day –yes I got my water in
Write in a journal 3 times per week yes t write my blog yesterday
Track food- yes and stay in range yeah

Motivation –all my friend on spark
Motivational quotes of the day
Spanish Proverb
A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
________________________________________
William Londen
To insure good health: eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life.
________________________________________

My Daily Self-Assessment
Making healthy food choices –did oaky but still working on snack
Being physically active –yes I was really active yesterday
Feeling motivated- yes I felt motivated
Sticking with your program overall except for learning how to take in less calories I did well on my plan
Highlights
getting to walk in the morning before work
Challenges okay it funny now but believe me it wasn’t funny when it happen . my denture got stuck and I couldn’t pulled them down. I went to internet it told me it easy to get bottom one down but not top one. Well I have top one. They said tried drinking water if it don’t work go to emergency/ well it 4 hours but the water work. I tell you I know this funny but it really wasn’t when it happen./ Oh by the way Cleveland bus company have my wallet so I need is go downtown and get them. Not something I am happy about I will do. Happy I will be getting my id back.

jokes
Beet ever so onion there snow peas legume."
Margaret Thornley: ‘A Kick in the Seat of the Pants' by Roger von Oech

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman.

"'twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it."
W. C. Fields.

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
Winston Churchill.

"And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning."
Winston Churchill, replying to Bessie Braddock MP who told him he was drunk.

"Give me liberty or... OOOooo... A jelly donut !"
Homer Simpson

"If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the microwave."
Lori Dowdy

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer."
Clement Freud.

"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again."
George Miller.
Teeth JOKES
A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. "Oh, dear," he said, "whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set." "Don't worry," said his friend. "I'll get a pair from my brother for you." The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly. "This is wonderful," said the man. "Your brother must be a very good dentist." "Oh, he's not a dentist," replied the friend, "he's an undertaker."
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.





Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXSGIRL1 8/19/2012 7:22AM

    this blog is full of ideas motivation and wisdom emoticon emoticon

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LOLAINSC 8/18/2012 12:04PM

    So much wisdom in such a short blog! Well I have to go scoop all the tomatoes out of my fruit salad before lunch, bye.
emoticon

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 8/17/2012 11:57PM

    Thank you! These are great!

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CASSIOEPIA 8/17/2012 9:22PM

    Glad you are getting your wallet back, but sorry you have to go downtown to get it. And I'm glad you can see the humor in the stuck teeth - you really are getting good at controlling your anger.


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FITKAT62 8/17/2012 7:43PM

  I'm glad you found your wallet! Have a great weekend!

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2WHEELEDSHARON 8/17/2012 1:18PM

    I'm sorry you're having such a weird week. But I'm also relieved you're getting your wallet back. You poor woman! Yet you still keep on with t he jokes. emoticon You rock.

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