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week plan and jokes

Friday, October 17, 2014

plan for the week
Fri- cardio and flexibility eat 5 freggies,
Sat- st and flexibility eat 5 freggie and drink 6 glasses of water
Sun- cardio eat 5 freggie and drink 6 glasses of water
Mon- cardio and flexibility eat 5 freggie and drink 6 glasses of wate
Tue- strength
Wed- cardio flexibility
Thurs- strength

Jokes I hope
hope
1. .Diets are for people who are THICK and tired of it.
2. THE FAST DIET: If you are thin, don't eat fast. If you are fat, don't eat-- FAST!!!
3. The best way to lose weight is by skipping... skip the desserts... skip the snacks... skip the beer... skip the SKIPPY. --
4. THE HAIGHT DIET: TO LOSE WEIGHT JUST EAT THE STUFF YOU HATE. --D
6. DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT.
7.CHOCOLATE. COFFEE. MEN.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
8. IF YOU HAVE NO TASTE, A LOT OF FOOD GOES TO WASTE; BUT IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TASTE, A LOT OF IT WILL GO TO WAIST.

9. I'M ON A GRAPEFRUIT DIET. I EAT EVERYTHING BUT GRAPEFRUIT.
10. LORD, IF I CAN'T BE SKINNY, PLEASE MAKE ALL MY FRIENDS FAT!
11. THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF PEOPLE FALLING OFF THEIR DIETS IS FOOD.
12. A MOMENT ON THE LIPS, FOREVER ON THE HIPS.
13. DIETING IS MIND OVER PLATTER.
14. LIFE IS UNCERTAIN. EAT DESSERT FIRST.
15. No BODY is perfect.
16.Oh! that this too solid flesh would melt. William Shakespeare
17.Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
18.Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a 90 ft Redwood. Erma Bombeck
19.All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast. John Gunther
20.Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. Voltaire
21.Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Fran Lebowitz
22.We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink. Epicurus
23.The more you eat, the less flavour; the less you eat, the more flavour. Chinese Proverb
24.Fish, to taste right, must swim three times - in water, in butter, and in wine. Polish Proverb

motivational quotes
Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life.
John F. Kennedy

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CFMOSS 10/28/2014 7:31AM

    Like your funnies....slow reading this blog....so I'm wondering how the week went???

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SPARKNB 10/19/2014 12:17PM

    Good thing to plan, and some of those were funny emoticon

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BA5454 10/18/2014 8:01PM

    Love #6, LOL! Like your plan for the week, too ;-).

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STEPBYSTEP1955 10/18/2014 1:26PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon I especially like #3 ... The best way to lose weight is by skipping... skip the desserts... skip the snacks... skip the beer... skip the SKIPPY. emoticon - emoticon for sharing

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INGMARIE 10/18/2014 9:16AM

    I agree . emoticon
Numbers 14 and 24 are correct. emoticon

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MALEXANDER4 10/18/2014 7:40AM

    emoticon

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RICKHANN 10/17/2014 11:23PM

    emoticon and it sounds like a good exercise plan.

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plan for the week AND JOKES

Thursday, October 09, 2014

plan for the week
Fri- cardio and flexibility
Sat- st and flexibility
Sun- cardio and flexbity
Mon- cardio
Tue- strength
Wed- cardio
Thurs- strength
funny jokes/i hope
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?" Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?" Tom: "The smaller piece, of course." Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"
Quickest Way?
Arnie, a young American, was on a short break holiday in Piddlehinton in the Dorset countryside. The next day he was going for a job interview in London but he needed to ask for directions, so he spoke to local farmhand, Martin.
'Yo, feller, could you possibly tell me the quickest way to London?'
Martin replied in a rich Dorset country accent, 'You driving or walking, lad?'
Arnie quickly replied, 'Driving.'
Martin, the farmhand nodded wisely, saying: 'Oooh aargh, that be certainly the quickest way'.
Differences Between Man and Women
Names
If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.
Eating Out
When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.
When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.
Bathrooms
Yes, communication between men and women can be difficult. That's because words have different meanings for men and for women. Our Womanese dictionary will help men better understand what women mean and save a lot of heart ache.
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.

The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 10/13/2014 7:05PM

    emoticon

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CFMOSS 10/13/2014 12:12PM

    Like the plan....like the funnies. Thanks.

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MOMITA3 10/13/2014 8:43AM

    emoticon Great job planning your exercise. Loved the jokes. emoticon

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PATTYKLAVER 10/10/2014 10:22AM

    Thanks for the jokes. I needed some smiles this morning.

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setback and jokes

Saturday, October 04, 2014

i have a setback this year when i found myself in ther wellness center twice for aniexty/depression.This not my disapoint I weight 145 before i got sick now Iam 164. I trying to lose the weight by throwinfg myself into exercise and peoper eating with the4teamshelp of sparkt team
jokes
Walking on Water


priest, an evangelist, and a minister were in a row boat in the middle of a pond fishing. None of them had caught anything all morning.

Then the evangelist stands up and says he needs to go to the bathroom so he climbs out of the boat and walks on the water to shore. He comes back ten minutes later the same way.

Then the minister decides he needs to go to the bathroom, too, so he climbs out of the boat and walks on the water to shore. He, too, comes back the same way ten minutes later.

The priest looks at both of them and decides that his faith is just as strong as his fishing buddies and that he can walk on water, too. He stands up and excuses himself. As he steps out, he makes a big splash and went down into the water.

The evangelist looks at the minister and says,"I suppose we should have told him where the rocks were."
The Pious Woman


flood was on its way, forcing everyone to evacuate. The police rowed up to the most pious woman in town and said, "Ma'am, you have to leave this house! People are dying out here!"

The woman replied, "No, I'm not leaving. God has always helped me before, and He will do it again."

So as the water started to rise, she went to the second story of her house. Another boat came by, and the captain yelled, "Ma'am, you have to get on this boat or you're going to drown!"

The woman replied again, "No, God helped me before, and He will do it again."

The water rose even higher. This time she went to the top of the roof, where a helicopter came and hovered overhead. The pilot called into his loudspeaker, "Please climb aboard, ma'am. You are going to drown!"

The women sniffed and again replied, "God is going to save me!"

But the water rose higher, and soon she drowned to death. She went to Heaven, and there she asked God, "Why didn't you save me, O Lord?"

And God replied, "I did help--I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"
WHAT WOULD BE ST. PADDY DAY WWITHOUT A IRISH JOKES
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day, 'he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk againsapark,.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKNB 10/5/2014 6:08AM

    emoticon

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CATHYGETSFIT 10/4/2014 9:38PM

    Thanks for the jokes . emoticon Good luck with your spark teams and eating properly! emoticon

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INGMARIE 10/4/2014 2:18PM

    Loved it, thanks emoticon emoticon

Good luck with the spark teams and your program, just do not over do it.
emoticon emoticon



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MILLYPHAT 10/4/2014 12:00PM

  funny, I loved the one with the priests and the rocks.
Also the woman and God.

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jokes and goals for the week

Thursday, October 02, 2014

Fri- cardio and flexibility 9 am and 444PM done
Sat- st and flexibility 2PM AND 4PM done
Sun- cardio and flexbity2AM AND 4 PM done
Mon- cardio 9 am done
Tue- strength 8 pm
Wed- cardio 9am
Thurs- strength 2 pm
unny jokes /i hope
The Race…
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two men from the gas company running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!”

Young patient
My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15 year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang and the boy’s mother reached over to pick it up.
After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the phone aside and said, “Your father wants to know if you have any cute nurses.”
The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his arm, ready for insertion. “Tell him,” he replied, “they’re absolutely gorgeous!”
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat. Okay this is supposed to be funny don not kill me my fellow cats.
When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CFMOSS 10/5/2014 7:57PM

    Your funnies give me a chuckle...your goals are lookin' good. Keep up the good work.

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SPARKNB 10/4/2014 3:52AM

    emoticon

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INGMARIE 10/3/2014 8:52AM

    “Aging, like fine wine, means spending a lot of your time on your side, lying down.”

My funny quote from Maxine this morning.
Have a great weekend emoticon

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BA5454 10/3/2014 7:21AM

    Great schedule of 'events' for the weekend...which reminds me I have to look at that TNT schedule again. Love the one about the nurse--never argue with a nurse who has a needle in her hand, lol. Hope your weekend is grans ;-).

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MM11113 10/2/2014 10:15PM

    emoticon

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new blog been awhile

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Summer been hard for me .I lost my job and still looking for new one. I am worrying about running out of my anxiety /depression pills since i no longer have insurance. My exercise is different. I am in a Monday, Wednesday and Friday water aerobic class. I also take a walking class. i gain about 15 pounds in spring and summer. But I am back on spark and hoping to change that soon.



Math Mistake After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 Apple Pies and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4."

On His Head A man walks into a bar with an apple pie on his head. The barman asks, "Why are you wearing an apple pie on your head?" The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear apple pies on our heads on Tuesday." The barman remarks, "But it's Wednesday." Sheepishly, the man says, "Man, I must look like a real fool."

DEADBEAT IN A BAR
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"
But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."
The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."


Knowledge corrupts. * Smart man + smart woman = romance;
Smart man + dumb woman = affair;
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage;
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy. *

One sodium atom says "oh no! I think I lost an electron", another atom asks "are you sure?", "Yeah! I'm positive". *
Abraham Lincoln was accused of being two~faced. Lincoln replied, “If I had two faces, do you think this is the one I’d be wearing?” *

President John Kennedy once read a fake telegram from his rich father, "Jack, Don't spend one dime more than is necessary. I'll be damned if I am going to pay for a landslide." This effectively stole the power of the accusation that his campaign was largely financed by his father. *
Ronald Reagan’s most powerful tool was his self~deprecating humor. When his advanced age was used against him by Senator Mondale during the 1984 campaign, intentionally misunderstanding he quipped, "I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." *

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGPAWSUP 9/19/2014 6:33PM

    emoticon

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INGMARIE 9/18/2014 7:36AM

    emoticon Thanks for the smiles this morning. emoticon
Glad to se you back here, hope you will find a job you like soon.

Have a great day emoticon

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GRANDMABABA 9/17/2014 8:18PM

    Thanks for the giggles.

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