CANDOK1260   43,373
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new blog been awhile

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Summer been hard for me .I lost my job and still looking for new one. I am worrying about running out of my anxiety /depression pills since i no longer have insurance. My exercise is different. I am in a Monday, Wednesday and Friday water aerobic class. I also take a walking class. i gain about 15 pounds in spring and summer. But I am back on spark and hoping to change that soon.



Math Mistake After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 Apple Pies and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4."

On His Head A man walks into a bar with an apple pie on his head. The barman asks, "Why are you wearing an apple pie on your head?" The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear apple pies on our heads on Tuesday." The barman remarks, "But it's Wednesday." Sheepishly, the man says, "Man, I must look like a real fool."

DEADBEAT IN A BAR
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"
But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."
The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."


Knowledge corrupts. * Smart man + smart woman = romance;
Smart man + dumb woman = affair;
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage;
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy. *

One sodium atom says "oh no! I think I lost an electron", another atom asks "are you sure?", "Yeah! I'm positive". *
Abraham Lincoln was accused of being two~faced. Lincoln replied, “If I had two faces, do you think this is the one I’d be wearing?” *

President John Kennedy once read a fake telegram from his rich father, "Jack, Don't spend one dime more than is necessary. I'll be damned if I am going to pay for a landslide." This effectively stole the power of the accusation that his campaign was largely financed by his father. *
Ronald Reagan’s most powerful tool was his self~deprecating humor. When his advanced age was used against him by Senator Mondale during the 1984 campaign, intentionally misunderstanding he quipped, "I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." *

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGPAWSUP 9/19/2014 6:33PM

    emoticon

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INGMARIE 9/18/2014 7:36AM

    emoticon Thanks for the smiles this morning. emoticon
Glad to se you back here, hope you will find a job you like soon.

Have a great day emoticon

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GRANDMABABA 9/17/2014 8:18PM

    Thanks for the giggles.

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new goal for june and result of may and jokes

Friday, June 06, 2014


Result for May
Goal for last month
1 spend more time on spark yes
2 eat more fruit and veggie did good on fruit not veggie
3Daily Relaxation or Me Time - at least 5 minutes, at least 1 time per day did this
4 do my job perfect no error I think I did this
5 spend time praying need to pray more
6 keep practicing my therapy lesson need to do this

Goal setting: for June

1) Fitness Related:
I I can and will do 5 or 6 or 7 days of exercise for the month of June.

2. Nutrient related: I can and will watch my sugar and sodium intake.

3) Personally Related:
I am trying to find more me time and mandatory FUN whale stile being there for mom./
4) New-To-Me:
I am learning to visualized happy outcome of life little problem this is supposed to a stress reliever
keep practicing my therapy lesson
spend time praying need to pray more



I am giving myself the month of JUNE complete these goals. I can and will do these goals.
joke
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Ranch Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKCHANTAL 7/6/2014 5:12AM

    hi candy! we're still around...
haven't been sparking much these days though.

please pass some HMO, whatever that is! sounds delicious.

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BARBIEE52 6/8/2014 10:49PM

    I think you have made some great progress...and you are aware of what is most needed for yourself, and that will help you so much!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Thanks for sharing!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

I loved the joke... emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/8/2014 10:49:51 PM

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STEPBYSTEP1955 6/8/2014 11:36AM

    emoticon job on your Nay goals. You have some very good goals for June. emoticon

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BARBIE176 6/7/2014 4:15PM

    You did very well on your goals during May. You have some great goals set for June and I am sure you will achieve them by staying focused and determined! Good luck.


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CATHYGETSFIT 6/7/2014 6:15AM

    I think you did really well last month with achieving your goals. I like the goals you have set for June. I am sure you will achieve them. Good luck! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 6/6/2014 10:39PM

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AMYBELLES 6/6/2014 10:28PM

    First of all, where do you get your jokes! That one was great (and kind of sad at the same time!)

Looks like you really have made goals that apply to your needs and situation. I wish you all the best in achieving them this month. You had a great May! emoticon emoticon

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new goal for june and result of may and jokes

Friday, June 06, 2014


Result for May
Goal for last month
1 spend more time on spark yes
2 eat more fruit and veggie did good on fruit not veggie
3Daily Relaxation or Me Time - at least 5 minutes, at least 1 time per day did this
4 do my job perfect no error I think I did this
5 spend time praying need to pray more
6 keep practicing my therapy lesson need to do this

Goal setting: for June

1) Fitness Related:
I I can and will do 5 or 6 or 7 days of exercise for the month of June.

2. Nutrient related: I can and will watch my sugar and sodium intake.

3) Personally Related:
I am trying to find more me time and mandatory FUN whale stile being there for mom./
4) New-To-Me:
I am learning to visualized happy outcome of life little problem this is supposed to a stress reliever
keep practicing my therapy lesson
spend time praying need to pray more



I am giving myself the month of JUNE complete these goals. I can and will do these goals.
joke
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Ranch Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs

  


Memorial Day & keep on track with healthy eating? and jokes

Friday, May 30, 2014

How do you celebrate Memorial Day & keep on track with healthy eating?Mother May I???? What do you need to "allow" yourself to do?
I eat my normal breakfast of smoothies and oatmeal but the rest of the day is a cheat day. But lunch was lot of fiber and dinner I just checked with a hot dog and potatoes salad.
The Marine
A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop.
They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Enlistment
having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?""My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." he replied
"Oh? And what does your father do?" asked the doctor
The recruit responded "He's in the Army, sir."
Joke funny I hope
1. .Diets are for people who are THICK and tired of it.
2. THE FAST DIET: If you are thin, don't eat fast. If you are fat, don't eat-- FAST!!!
3. The best way to lose weight is by skipping... skip the desserts... skip the snacks... skip the beer... skip the SKIPPY. -
4. THE HAIGHT DIET: TO LOSE WEIGHT JUST EAT THE STUFF YOU HATE. 6. DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT.
7.CHOCOLATE. COFFEE. MEN.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
8. IF YOU HAVE NO TASTE, A LOT OF FOOD GOES TO WASTE; BUT IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TASTE, A LOT OF IT WILL GO TO WAIST.
--
9. I'M ON A GRAPEFRUIT DIET. I EAT EVERYTHING BUT GRAPEFRUIT.
10. LORD, IF I CAN'T BE SKINNY, PLEASE MAKE ALL MY FRIENDS FAT!
11. THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF PEOPLE FALLING OFF THEIR DIETS IS FOOD.
12. A MOMENT ON THE LIPS, FOREVER ON THE HIPS.
13. DIETING IS MIND OVER PLATTER.
14. LIFE IS UNCERTAIN. EAT DESSERT FIRST.
15. No BODY is perfect.
16.Oh! that this too solid flesh would melt. William Shakespeare 17.Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. Alexander Woollcott
18.Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a 90 ft Redwood. Erma Bombeck

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEPBYSTEP1955 5/30/2014 6:49PM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing.

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STEVEN2GO2 5/30/2014 6:09PM

    Loved the military jokes! 1 - 16 are wonderful puns!

Shakespeare, Woollcot and Bombeck quotes were funny as heck!

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ALEXSGIRL1 5/30/2014 3:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 5/30/2014 3:22PM

    Very cute.

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