Sunday, December 01, 2013
Accomplish blog and jokes for Sunday1
1. I finished writing story for Rosie.
2. I did a 27-min. walk with Jeanee and pup in thepark..
3. I sat through all of the mass without having to leave.
4. I been niece to mom and spend time with her.
5. I invited a older friend to lunch.
Paying In Advance A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about \\$200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth \\$900. So \\$900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for \\$900. It's postdated six years from now
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
I said, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled and nodded knowingly, 'That's why we ask.'
\diot Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?'
Idiot Sighting #3:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'It's open!' 'I know,' answered the young man. 'I already got that side
Sunday, November 24, 2013
1. I found my new motto life donï¿½t have to be prefect to be wonderful
2. Have a great time with my brother at his pancake breakfast
3. 4 I sat through most of mass
4. I becoming flexibly not with my body but with the changes in my life
5. .I accomplish 30 min on exerbeat for the wii
A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.
Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."
e following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."
About half the class rose and came forward.
"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."
Vow of Silence
At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence.
One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!" Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days.
The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said, "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!" Once again, silence ensued for 365 days.
The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"
Debate About the Box
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution.
"No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside
Friday, November 22, 2013
Today started out bad. I was already upset about Dan phone call from last night. Then i had a fight with my niece over face-book . She seem to think I put too much personal info out there.
I felt very defense and attack. But I realize quickly she was coming from a loving place. So we came with a compromise instead of putting personal info on face-book I am putting it on messenger in a thread OK I think i was putting much info out there but now we have made a compromise . We both can live with.
Why Eve Was Created
Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created
. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!
And the #1 reason why God created Eve...
. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"
How To Annoy Your Co-Workers... 1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you.
3) Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. 'That's a good point, Sparky.' 'No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.'
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this. 6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee, a printout, or whatever, slap yourself at random the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it 'IN'.
13) Develope an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza, donuts, or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, 'Oh you've got to be faster than that.'
15) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Actually day went really well I have a pretty good day at therapy. Unt I ilgot a phone call from my exoyfriend .I then have the worst panic attack I have since I was at the hospital. Not sure why but I started shaking, crying and melting down
I felt very panicky.
I guess I overacted but I am only human and most people overreacted at time. My family did come to my rescues. They help me role-play and calm me down. I was calm down enough to do exercise., Okay I did overreacted but I also turned to my family for help did the right evidently and this anxiety depression is a learning things that I am going
going to have to take one day at a time
Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. ‘Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you. ‘No problem, just let me in,' says the man. ‘Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity. ‘Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator. ‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules. ‘And with that, St.Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator raises...The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. ‘Now it's time to visit heaven. ‘So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. ‘Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity. ‘The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell. ‘So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? ‘The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning....Today you voted.'
The Antartian reported for her university final examination which consisted of "yes/no" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall and stared at the question paper for five minutes.
In a fit of inspiration, she took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she was all done, whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what was going on. Her reply was, "I finished the exam in half and hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
Sunday, November 17, 2013
. 'how i've felt since i got home'
First you must realize I felt one min. I was at work thinking I am having heart attack and .'ten minutes later it seems like they called an ambulance' .
. Then I thought I need to give a message to God or from God to someone. But I am a big sinner told lies and make up story. But don't think I told any on .sparks Iso if you were wondering never lie to most of you .Not sure why I told lie
Then i woke up in a mental clinic, but i'm not sure how i got there.
So Jeanne my sis told me to go to group meeting. I went and learned a lot of coping skills. One is since I can's visualize I can look at a picture And it will make me feel calmer. it does work i does .make me feel calmer . Sorry I don"t type I AM NOT yelling AT YOU .
Then a few days go on and doc asked me if I want to go home. I think I said something like hell yes . Then I was told to pack and leave. No talk of what to do at home or anything Just get out . I think I am doing pretty good but I wish it was plan better. I also feel overwhelmed .
A mental hospital
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."
Upset is unhealthy
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes," the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
You are a chicken
A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"
The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"
"Two years," says the man.
"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."
Passing an exam
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
thanks to everyone for my prays plese keeps them coming i still need them
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