Sunday, October 12, 2014
I know I haven't blogged in a while but this is one I've been wanting to do for over a month now, but after reading the article below, it really has pushed me to just do this. Alright, so here it goes...
Over a year ago, it may even be closer to 2 now, I challenged myself to do something that I called 70 Days of Me. For 70 days, I took a selfie and posted it on here saying two Inge I liked about myself. And let me tell you, my self esteem and self image were so low, I had days where all I could like was the shirt I was wearing because I paid 25c for it, and that is something that I am no where near proud of. But what I am proud of is how, sometime during those 70 days, finding something I liked became easier and I actually began to enjoy sharing it with all of you. Since then, I have continued to work on myself and have had a lot of ups and downs with that. I hit my lowest weight of 165 in early April of 2013, as of October 1st, I weighed in at 183. Now I know you all will understand what I'm about to say, but I need to admit it anyways. I am soooo frustrated with myself with that number! Is that number the only way to gauge my health? Definitely not. I've lost more inches and gained a ton of muscle since then, but that number gets stuck in my head. So the last couple of months, I've been thinking about how I view myself. My confidence has boosted so much since I started, and finished the 70 days of me challenge, I am super proud of my muscles and even find that, on occasion, I'm checking myself out in the mirror. :) So why is that number still frustrating me so much? I think it has everything to do with what this article is talking about. Our culture is teaching us that we can always be better. Whether it is a smaller size clothes, a lower BMI, a better job, a hotter significant other, a better home, better car and the list goes on. Because of that, we are comparing ourselves to everyone else around us. I agree with the article that, no, I don't think we are comparing ourselves to celebrities as much anymore, but we are definitely still comparing ourselves to those around us. I've even thought about aski friends of mine, who I consider beautiful, how much they weigh or what size pants they wear, just so I can compare myself to them. I try telling myself that it would be so I can help better my esteem to know that I'm not much different than them, if at all, when it comes to those numbers. But I know that in reality, it is just me comparing myself to what I could, or think I should, be.
So the reason I've been thinking about this so much is because I need to continue to work on redefining how I view myself and learn to accept my current normal. I weighed myself September 1st and then not again til October 1st. I lost 2lbs during September, but I know that I did not work as hard as I could have because of a lot of stress. I know that isn't an excuse, but it was my reality. I'm not stepping on the scale again til November 1st so I can't tell you whatmy current weight is, other than 183 on October 1st. I set a goal for the month to earn a manicure at 5lbs lost or a mani & pedi at 10lbs lost. I've been able to work out a lot, but will also admit I'm really craving sweets lately so I'm working on that. But the biggest thing I'm working on is to accept that I may never weigh my goal weight of 135-145 because my body seems to always get comfortable in the 170's to 180's, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to continue pushing towards that goal. I'm just going to love my life, continue to work hard and accept whatever comes my way. I'm not starting over, I'm not giving up, I'm accepting where I am in my journey with a smile and working towards not comparing myself to what I think I could or should be. I already am who I should be. I am my own self, not a clone of someone else. God made me who I am and I'm working on remembering that.
I hope you all can find some encouragement in this, but also hear what I am saying. We are already who we were made to be, we are all just working towards a better version of ourselves. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be happy with who we are now.
You are beautiful, You are strong, You are a fighter and most importantly, You are a Child of God, made in His image.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Off and on for the past month and a half I have had some tooth pain. Well in the last few weeks it had gotten to he point of bringing me to tears. Well almost two weeks ago now I ended up in urgent care because of an infection hat was causing my face to swell. I finally got in to the dentist a week later where I learned that I have absolutely terrible teeth. Now, I knew my teeth weren't perfect and in fact, I really don't like my teeth. But having not had dental insurance for the last 10+ years! I've done the best that I could. After hearing that I could benefit from at least one root canal, and a few other things, the dentist also said he thought I should have the tooth removed that was causing the infection. So I told him to take it out right then because I didn't have time to come back because of my work schedules. So he took it out and I thought that would be it. Yesterday, my mouth began to really hurt again. The tooth that was causing pain was on top and he dentist pulled a tooth on the bottom because he said the infection was starting there and spreading to the top. I thought yesterday maybe I just needed to watch what I eat a little bit longer because of the giant hole in my mouth. But today, it was really hurting at the beginning of the day and only a couple hours in at work my coworkers told me my face was swelling and I could feel it. When I left urgent care, I had been given a prescription and I finished that this morning, but when my face started swelling, I called my dentists office on,y to find out he is out of town til Tuesday. He suggested I go to an oral surgeon...I don't have dental insurance! There is no way I'm doing that! So he called in a script for me and I started that this afternoon and will go back in to him on Tuesday. Since I began my script after leaving urgent care, I have not had the energy to work out. I haven't slept well and I have struggled with waking up in the morning and my evenings have been so busy I really have only had time to come home and go to bed. I really want to get back into my workout schedule. I was 9 days away from finishing PiYo and haven't been able to do a single day. I'm really trying to count my blessings but it is jut so hard right now. I can't afford all this dental work when I still have a school loan to pay off. Sorry for the vent, I just really would appreciate prayers and I don't want to share all this on Facebook. :(
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Jes, this blog is dedicated to you and here is the reason why. Yes, I have been on the journey for a while now and have found some success, but I still have days where life gets rough and I forget about what I have already conquered along the way. A lot has happened the last two months that has caused me a ton of stress, anxiety and frustrations. This week, I have done nothing to combat those feelings. I have given in to every craving, desire and temptation that has come my way and I'm pretty sure I've gained back all 12lbs I lost during the last 8 weeks! But when I got on SP and had the comment, shown below, on my spark page, it hit me to the core. This week I allowed myself to forget something important. I forgot that I have the ability to CHOOSE my attitude! I have he ability to decide if I'm going to respond or react. This week, I have reacted instead of responding. Thank you for reminding me to create my world because you are right, I am a role model. I have 16 4yr olds in my class that I interact with on a regular basis, on top of the 32 other 4yr olds and 10 3yr olds that I spend time with quite regularly as well! If I'm not being positive, they can tell and it affects their attitudes as if they were the ones struggling. Thank you for reminding me to choose to have a positive attitude!
Therefore, rejoice in your suffering for suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And the hope of Christ does not disappoint us!
Thank you Jes for being such an incredible encourager, motivator, supporter and friend!
Some Wednesday Wisdom
A GREAT Attitude Becomes a GREAT Day
Which Becomes a GREAT Month
Which Becomes a GREAT Year
Which Becomes a GREAT Life:)
- - UNKNOWN - -
Always remember that you CREATE your world!
Choose to be a role model of strength, of kindness & of greatness!
Be someone that others are drawn to for all the right reasons!
Never forget that a POSITIVE attitude will ALWAYS result in a POSITIVE life!
Stay Fabulous, Darling!!!
Thursday, April 10, 2014
So tonight I went for a run and it felt so good! For anyone who has been following my story, I have really been struggling with running for well over a year now. And tonight after my run, I was disappointed in my time because I didn't think it was as good as I used to be back before my problems started...which would make sense since I haven't run as faithfully, or really much at all, in e last year and a half. But when I looked back at my MapMyRun saved workouts, this is what I saw:
Tonight: 3.13 mi in 36 min Pace: 11:32 min/mi
9/3/13: 3.1 mi in 39 min! Pace: 12:35 min/mi
5/13/13: 3.05 mi in 35:30 min Pace: 11:40 min/mi
10/17/12: 3 mi in 35:30 min Pace: 11:52 min/mi
Realizing this totally made my night!!! :D
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