Wednesday, April 04, 2012
So I'm 10 days in and this morning I got a very good number on the scale. So good, in fact, that I'm afraid of it being a false reading. So instead of announcing it, I'm holding my breath. Let's see what pans out on Sunday at official weigh-in. If I can just hold steady here I will be a very happy woman and have very happy news to report. But all I keep saying to myself, instead of "great job!" is "don't friggin' blow it now!"
Last night, I almost did. I had a pretty rotten awful day yesterday. I cried to Hubs on the phone at one point. I took my last break outside, slumped against the side of the building, staring out into the pretty day and raging at everyone and everything. Being told over and over again that you're not doing good enough, that you don't understand when you do, and feeling like no one understands you -- and feeling that in just about every aspect of your life...well, it kinda eats away at your soul. I'd like to say I need a break, but there's no break from life, besides, I couldn't afford a break anyhow. Hubs asked me to just leave early from work because I was beyond stressed out...but I couldn't. I have to be here. I have to handle it. Like I said before, stop telling me how "hard" it's going to be, because that doesn't make it any easier and it doesn't mean it doesn't have to be done. But I can say that if something doesn't break soon, I might.
So when I got home and Hubs came out to greet me (he had last night off) and took my bags from me and asked if I wanted to just go out to dinner and relax for the night. I gave in. I told him I wasn't hungry (I ate a cup and a half of my chili and a bunch of steamed cauliflower and broccoli and then HAD to stop because I was just SO full!) but that I did want to go out. I didn't want to sit at home and brood over all the things I had no control over but seemed to have complete control over me. So we loaded up the car and went to one of the local Mexican restaurants. I knew my calories were low for the day, so if I was a tiny bit hungry and it was 8pm, I'd just have a few chips or something (although completely "off plan" as carbs are a no-no that late). I ended up eating a couple chips, and then forcing myself to stop. When I felt I wanted a couple more, I had them, and then forced myself to stop. Ethan offered me a bit of what was left of his bean and cheese nachos after he got full, so I asked myself if I was actually hungry or just wanted them. I was a bit hungry. I ate them. I stopped when I was full. Overall, not bad damage to the day.
Calories Consumed: 1890
Calories Burned: 340
Net Calories: 1550
I can live with that just fine.
Of course the whole time I was eating I kept telling myself how many pounds I was going to gain from it. "Well, here's another 3 pounds." Hubs jumped on the bandwagon (by now my weight fluctuations over stupid stuff has become family fodder for our steady ream of jokes) "Nope, four." And "Well, there's another 20 pounds." Hubs: "21!"
Luckily I managed a loss this morning. But, again, holding my breath. First of all, I've always heard it takes 2 days for the scale to really register something like that. I'm hoping that the boost in sodium won't matter as much since I managed to down something like 16 glasses of water yesterday (I drank water like it was my JOB). But...we shall see. Either the ball will drop on me tomorrow or Friday, or I'll somehow manage to have escaped the wrath of my unforgiving body.
To top it all off, there was absolutely NO getting out of bed at 4am this morning. None. I needed the extra sleep, of that I was sure. It wasn't the DOMS that kept me there, or the unwillingness to come, once again, to my soul-sucking job, but the actual NEED for sleep. So I forgave myself. I slept in and vowed that I'd hit the gym after work. At least I have something other than "my bed" to look forward to...maybe that will help get me through another day of this nonsense. Plus, it will be nice to not have to check the clock all night to make sure I'm not going over my time. No time limit tonight. Just me and my scheduled routine.
One other final thought. My mind has already begun rebelling against the program. Which is stupid because it's working. Not the nutritional part, of course. Hubs asked me the other day if it gets boring to eat basically the same thing every day, but I explained to him that this plan allows me the freedom to make changes and make new meals and no two days ever HAVE to be exactly the same. Sure, I end up eating a lot of the same things throughout the week, but that's basically because of my batch cooking on the weekends. It leaves me with a few choices to get me through the crazy week, but not enough to eat something different every single day. But I don't seem to mind, actually.
The way I've been mentally rebelling, though, has been in the gym. My mind wants to push harder, do more, get a little extra in. It's the same thought patterns that got me into this mess to begin with. Sometimes, my friends, more is not always better. This program is designed for a specific purpose, and if I deviate because I think I'm somehow more bad@ss than Jamie Eason herself, I may end up on the burned out train or injured again. That would be stupid for me to do. So I've been holding myself back, and reminding myself that it will be amped up next week, so I need to just be patient. I've got just the right amount of DOMS going on right now. Less than last week, but enough to let me know I worked on building good muscle and not enough to keep me out of the gym or unable to do simple everyday tasks.
It's still hard though. I want to be up there with the rest of you - running 5ks, 10ks, HMs - lifting until it hurts - putting in 1000-3000 fitness minutes a month. But I know in my head and my heart that that kind of thinking is not meant for me right now. I've tried that. It got me nowhere. Now it's time to try this. Time to try and take it easy on my body. To break a few of my own rules and forge ahead. If it ain't broken, there ain't no need to go fixin' it.
Hold your breath.
Remember that it IS working.
And just keep going as planned.
Confession: It's a little hard for the wanna-be rockstar in me to let everyone else shine while I fade into the background just trying to get by, get through, and move on. I feel so dull and unshiny right now. I feel so non-rockstar. I feel like a slacker. I (stupidly) feel that I'm not doing enough (but I am, because it's paying off). Time to shut off my inner warrior for a bit. Try to shut down my need to be a part of the crowd. I'm sure that some of this feeling of "not belonging" is also the reason for my half-breakdown yesterday, but I can't just ignore what I know to be true. That didn't work. This is. Stay on the path...even if you have to walk it alone. Just like I tell myself, "You can have that later" when it comes to food cravings, I have to keep deferring my own need to "shine" and "amaze" as well. I'll get to have that later. For now, I need to be dull so I can be thin(ner) and heal. I have to tell myself that sometimes it's okay to be boring, because at least it doesn't mean you're being a colossal failure.
Legs and Calves workout tonight. My FAVORITE of all the workouts! Maybe it will lift my spirit.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
Here we are halfway through week 2's workouts and I'm feeling mighty fine!
Yesterday's workout had to be delayed due to my health screening yesterday (for the record, my BP was a healthy 134/84...or 124/84. Crap, it was good, I remember that much! *lol*). I had to fast from 8pm to 8am and knew it wouldn't be smart to 1) lift on an empty stomach and 2) not eat after lifting. Instead I opted for a little extra sleep, which did me good. After my health screening (seriously, that hurt!! *pouts*) I had to hurry up and choke down some cereal (that I brought to work with me *lol*) and had to head off to a seminar an hour away with my supervisor. I was told the seminar would last until 5pm..which meant they would either release for lunch or provide it. I took some food, just in case, but the food provided was actually quite healthy.
Baked chicken (I removed the skin, of course)
About 1/2 cup mashed potatoes with some gravy
Rolls (Okay, they were really good and I actually had two ...could've done better but OMG they were SOOOO good!)
And then...Lemon Meringue pie. *face/palm*
I ate the carrots first. Then the chicken and taters and, yes, the gravy too. I fit in two rolls (oops!) and then stared a long time at that pie. I wanted it! I REALLY wanted it. I tried to push it away but it just kept sitting there, staring at me. *sigh* I took one bite, then two, and then a TINY third taste (not even a bite) and realized I was SO done. Too much sugar! I felt my head spin and pushed the thing aside and didn't touch it again. Lesson learned!
By the time I got back to the office I realized I was a little off my eating schedule, but figured I'd just hop back on at 5pm, my regularly scheduled dinner time. I pulled out the yummy grilled chicken over whole wheat penne pasta with roasted tomato basil pesto I had prepped the night before and enjoyed every single bite with the feeling that I was already back on track. I could've called the whole day a wash just because of the bumps in the road, but I didn't, I hopped right back on to my train at the next regularly scheduled stop.
After work, I was more than ready to hit the gym! People are annoying lately and I really wanted to punch something and sweat and get out all my aggression.
Wide Pushups - 3 sets, 12 reps
Flat Bench Dumbbell Press - 3 sets, 12 reps, 15 lbs
Flat Bench Dumbbell Flyes - 1 set, 12 reps, 15 lbs and 2 sets, 12 reps, 20 lbs
Narrow Pushups - 3 sets, 12 reps
Tricep Extensions - 2 sets, 12 reps, 20 lbs and 1 set, 12 reps, 25 lbs
Rope Pushdowns - 1 set, 12 reps, 45 lbs and 2 sets, 12 reps, 55 lbs
Avg HR: 113
Max HR: 197
Cal burned: 225
Fat Cal: 43%
I've already had to increase a few. Those rope pushdowns felt so easy at 45 lbs this time! I remember struggling the week before at 20 lbs. WTF? Maybe it was a different machine. *shrug* The pushups were almost too easy. I have a feeling I'm going to be back to regular pushups very soon (though maybe not AS soon with the narrow ones! OW!).
My one funny experience. I go up to this girl standing in front of the rope pulldown. There wasn't another rope I could find (found one later, oops!) so I asked her, in lifting fashion, if I could "work in"...she seemed shocked I would ask. The guy next to her immediately said yes and nearly pushed her aside, but she said, "But I still have one more set!" *snort* Hopefully he explained to her how "working in" works. I guess maybe they aren't used to that at this gym because there are so many duplicate machines I'm barely ever bumping into anyone!
Had my protein shake and banana on the way home and then cooked my omelet when I got home.
Not bad considering I splurged on those rolls and everything was a bit out of whack! This could've easily turned into a 3k day.
Today I got started early again. My 41 minute workout was completed by 7am and I had a tiny bit of extra breathing time this AM (getting to like that a bit). I've got my food packed and ready (right now I'm eating yogurt with blueberries and raspberries NOM!). Should be a good day.
Workout this AM:
Wide Grip Lat Pulldown - 1 set, 12 reps, 50 lbs and 2 sets, 12 reps, 55 lbs
Bent-Over Dumbbell Rows - 1 set, 12 reps, 20 lbs and 2 sets, 12 reps, 25 lbs
Seated Cable Row - 1 set, 12 reps, 60 lbs and 2 sets, 12 reps, 65 lbs
Underhand Cable Pulldown - 3 sets, 12 reps, 55 lbs
Alternating Dumbbell Curls - 3 sets, 12 reps, 15 lbs
One-Arm Dumbbell Preacher Curls - 3 sets, 12 reps, 20 lbs
Standing Biceps Cable Curl - 3 sets, 12 reps, 30 lbs
Feeling that one already!
Avg HR: 120
Max HR: 161
Cal burned: 340
Fat cal: 39%
Pushed a little harder today, obviously. Still...a good burn.
I've got my calories/meals all worked out today.
Breakfast - Eggs-N-Oats as usual ;)
Post-Workout - Protein Shake and very small banana
Snack 1 - Carbmaster Vanilla Yogurt with blueberries and raspberries
Lunch - Chicken Zucchini Burger on Sandwich Thin w/mustard and huge salad
Snack 2 - 1/2 cup cottage cheese and jello mix w/ 2 Pumpkin Protein Bars
Dinner - 1c chili with steamed broccoli and cauliflower
Snack 3 - 6 egg white omelet with mushrooms and a bit of cheese
Now, I'm a bit worried because that IS kinda low. Maybe I'll add an extra cup of chili to dinner, just to make sure I'm getting enough protein and such. *shrug* Didn't expect such a high calorie burn today.
There shouldn't be too many surprises tomorrow, I don't think. I do have to go down to the DMV (joy! *sarcasm*) but otherwise everything should stay on plan. Thursday, of course, will be a little bumpy because of my son's birthday and his request for pizza. Thinking NATF was right and I'll maybe just get me my own personal pan pizza and know it's all mine and I can enjoy every bite, but when it's gone it's gone.
I can't let this derail me. I went to bed last night chanting "298, 298, 298"...any clue where my mind is lately? Today I got 301.8. Seems the scale is going to make me fight for it. He wants to make sure I'm super serious about it this time. I have to want it more than I want anything. More than I want birthday cake or pizza or ANYTHING else. I have to want it more than I want to breathe right now...and, honestly, I do! I NEED that 2. I crave it. Maybe there's something wrong with me that I've tied so much of my self-worth right now up with that number, but...it just seemed like something that would never happen and now it's RIGHT THERE and ME WANTS IT!!!!!! ;)
Sunday, April 01, 2012
That's it. I know what's happening now. HUBS is making me fat! You heard me right. I'm doing great and then he's all like, "We're going to Wendy's" and "Let's get Chinese!" Bastard!
Those situations did happen, but...
1) I had the power to say no.
2) They were suggestions, and requests, not demands.
3) I have the choice, if I go to be "as good as possible"...and I have been.
I had a baked potato and small chili with some red. fat sour cream
Movies last night:
I caved and ate some popcorn. But very little. And a few Snowcaps, but I tried to stick to my Twizzlers.
I piled my plate with the safest thing possible (and, yes, I know how not "safe" this is simply because it's a Chinese buffet) - broccoli. I had a few pieces of the things I like but I know are simply horrid for me and the rest of what I ate was a small amount of white rice mixed with a smaller bit of fried rice with a pile of broccoli. It's my version of making lemonade out of lemons. Got to learn to deal with the demons. I know better than to think Chinese restaurants are a thing of the past. (I swear they put crack in their food...we all just keep going back, don't we?!)
So...how'd it all pan out for me?
Official Weight for March 1st: 306.0
Official Weight for April 1st: 300.6
Total Loss = 5.4 pounds
No reason to celebrate the whoopies! just yet. It IS the lowest official weight I've ever had, but I cannot consider this plateau broken yet. Not yet. I need to see several more weeks of loss before I can call it broken. And I don't think I'll stop holding my breath for a while. Until then, I'm just going to keep going as on plan as possible because, if I do...if I stick it out and don't collapse into temptation this week, then by all rights my "under 300" goal WILL be mine next week. MUST. KEEP. GOING.
It donned on me earlier that some people might think my 8 pound loss in a week was an April Fools joke. Trust me, I thought so too. But this eating clean plan had me dropping a couple pounds here, another couple the next day. And each day it was eating away at the higher numbers of my never-ending plateau. The lowest I'd ever been on that plateau was 301, so I guess if you wanted you COULD call it broken...but I can't, not yet. Still, I like the plan. The plan is working. I'm sticking to the plan. When I got off plan (yesterday with Wendy's and, probably more damaging, movie popcorn, I saw the first gain since day 2 ...of .2 pounds - Ethan said, "Well, that's not too bad." I'm a little nervous about tomorrow, but I'm not fretting. Nearly done with all my prep for the week's meals.)
As for my measurements? I can't find my damn measuring tape. I'll try to get it done tomorrow morning (I have a backup at work).
4 weeks of the LiveFit plan. Staying on the eating plan and trying to make it through the week with no more than 1 or 2 cheats, and still fitting those in calorie-wise. I'm feeling more motivated. I NEED this.
And, of course, my other goal.... UNDER 300 POUNDS! I'd really like to see a number around 395 or lower at the first of next month. I want a new goal badly. It's time to move on to smaller numbers.
I also need to keep flushing with water. I've moved from my regular 8-10 glasses a day to closer to 12-15 every day, which is more where I should be for my body weight. Gotta keep that up.
Let's go April! (I'll also celebrate my 2nd Sparkversary this month...wouldn't mind being able to set a new beautiful goal for my 3rd year on Spark...maybe getting closer to 230, maybe? Trying to get under 40% body fat. I'd love to see a 3 on there and know I'm getting closer to my 30% goal.)
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Yesterday was day 1 of my 3 rest days this weekend.
Confession: It almost felt weird not doing anything yesterday. But it also felt great! *lol*
I rolled out my calf.
Watched some movies with the boys.
Had ice cream. (Oops! *lol* One "dirty" cheat, I guess.)
Resisted the urge to snack.
Went to the grocery store and spent too much money again. *lol*
Made 2 things for this week's snacks - Ground Chicken Muffins and Pumpkin Protein Bars.
My foot is already starting to feel a lot better and I'm pretty happy that even with the cheat and the high calorie day yesterday, I did alright calorie wise. There were plenty of reasons to snack. Weekends are always the hardest...but I held tough.
Breakfast - Eggs and Oats with some of Xylitol Brown Sugar Blend
Snack #1 - Cut up Chicken Burger with 1/2 WW sandwich thin with mustard
Lunch - 1 c Ground Chicken 3-Bean Chili with a salad with Lite Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette
Snack #2 - 1/2 c cottage cheese with jello mixed in and 2 Pumpkin Protein Bar Squares
Dirty Cheat - Small French Silk Pie Blizzard
Dinner - 6oz Cod with a bunch of asparagus cooked in a foil pouch with EVOO, salt, pepper, and Italian Spices (Dinner was SOO good! Even Ethan ate some!)
Calories for the day: 1801
And I drank a TON of water!
Today I'm going to try to stay on task yet again. Mr. Scale likes the change and I should have a more than decent weigh-in tomorrow (actually, I suppose my weigh-in day should be switched to Monday, as that's when I started). If I can tough this out a few more weeks, I should be rolling into where I should be and on again to more success and victories.
Also - I tried a new jello mix in my cottage cheese yesterday - Sugar Free Red Raspberry. SOOO good. My cat liked it too as I caught her trying to eat my snack before I sat down. *swats Tigg*
When I announced yesterday that I planned on "dirty cheating" with ice cream, Hubs said, "I want ice cream too...and Little Caesars." I explained to him I could have one or the other. I told him I wouldn't stop him from getting pizza, but I could NOT have any. My beautiful husband looked at me and said, "Well, I'm not getting it then." :) He didn't want me tempted. He didn't want it to have to be an issue. He said the same thing I've been telling myself about my cravings. "I'll just have it another time."
The only thing I forgot yesterday was to take my vitamins. By the time I remembered it was too long after I ate and I didn't want to upset my tummy. I'll try to get them in today. Which reminds me - I'm almost out of Glucosamine.
Today is rest day 2.
I'm happy to say I'm feeling much better today. More rested and my muscles are finally getting back to normal. Think I should be good to hit the gym Monday evening. (Hate that I have to swap my workout to the evening, but I have to fast in the AM for my health screening at work in the AM. Going to have to be brilliant about my breakfast and take in my eggs and oats to cook in the microwave for right after they draw blood.)
Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!! Looks like I'll be at the grocery store at least once more this week as I'm almost out of eggs. (Me eating eggs all the time has prompted both boys to want omelets. *lol* Logan made himself a 6-egg omelet the other day. *face/palm* I tried to explain to him that I have 6 egg WHITES, not full eggs. No WAY anyone needs 6 full eggs, especially a 12-year-old who isn't trying to become a bodybuilder. *sigh*)
No work this weekend. Probably a good thing because it will add that in after I'm through with my 2nd week...I should be able to take the baby steps I need to get adjusted to a life of crazy always busy chaos.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Here we are! Week 1 workouts are in the bag. I made it through the lifting. I made it through every early morning, each tired day, the stomach and headaches that liked to have never let up. I made it through and out the other side and ended up at... SNACK DAY.
That's it. I'm trapping myself in my damn office all day. These people are trying to sabotage me, I swear! Trust me, half of them simply don't NEED a snack day...unless, of course it was provided by me. Because I've gotten a little self-righteous about this eating clean plan. So my snack day would consist of portion controlled meals and snacks. Everyone would be called out every 3 hours to collect their meal, which typically consists of 45% protein, 40% carbs, and 15% HEALTHY fats. We'd have yummy healthy foods and as many vegetables as they wanted with each meal. The only thing NOT controlled, in fact, would be the vegetables, as there would be a wide array on the tables and they would be encouraged to eat them until they burst (do you know how hard it is to binge on veggies that aren't slathered in fat? *lmao*). *sigh* But, alas. We don't live in Esther World. I have yet to check the "snack day" table, but I'm sure it's loaded with things like donuts, donut holes, cakes, cookies, pies, hot dogs wrapped in bacon (OMFG no! BLECH!), a lunch meat tray full of sodium (though, if you're watching what you eat, this is usually your best bet), chips, more chips, and about a dozen bottles of regular and diet soda alike. I can proudly tell you that none of that is appealing to me right now...but check back around 11:00am when I have to walk by the hoard to get my already portioned out lunch from the fridge.
*bangs head on desk*
*takes a deep breath*
*smiles as she grips tightly to her Carrot Cake Protein Bars*
I CAN do this! I MUST do this!
I've made it through week one of LiveFit workouts.
The headache seems to be clearing away.
The tummy is feeling a lot better.
Even the scale has been kind thus far (a slight gain on day 2, followed by 2 losses in a row).
I cannot turn back now.
I simply WILL NOT give all that up for some stupid donut that I can buy anywhere, anytime.
I get one cheat this week. I will not blow that on a stupid donut!
I'm not going to share my food. It was basically the same as it was all week. I tried to "mix it up" a bit and eat my chili for lunch and my burger for dinner. Only problem was I had run out of cooked veggies so my lunch was more snack size and I was hungry an hour later. Won't make that mistake again!
PROTEIN: 171 (46.3%)
CARBS: 129 (34.9%)
FAT: 20 (12.2%) (I'm kinda self righteous about that number too. ;) )
As for the workout - Yesterday was Legs. (YAY! Finally!!)
Leg Press - 3 sets/12 reps/335 lbs
Leg Extension - 1 set/12 reps/40 lbs, 2 sets/12 reps/50 lbs
Wide-Stance Dumbbell Squat - 1 set/12 reps/25 lbs, 2 sets/12 reps/35 lbs
Seated Leg Curl - 1 set/12 reps/50 lbs, 2 sets/12 reps/60 lbs
Standing Calf Raises - 3 sets/12 reps/70 lbs
Seated Calf Raises - 2 sets/12 reps/45 lbs, 1 set/12 reps/55 lbs
TIME: 34 minutes
AVG HR: 102
MAX HR: 139
CAL BURNED: 169
FAT CAL: 51%
Those last two just about did me in. Especially the Standing Calf Raises. I could not figure out how to get 60 lbs set. It was 50 (too light) or 70 (just about my limit). I'm supposed to be lifting at 60% this week, so I would have preferred to bump it down a notch, but ah-well. I still did 'em. My calves just LOVE me for it. *snort* (DOMS DOMS DOMS) I'm actually excited that I FEEL this in my legs today. I rarely do enough to get that sore/DOMS feeling in my legs because they're just SO strong (wouldn't you be after lugging around 400 pounds for so damn long?), but I think this workout will even help me build up the "runner's legs" I've always wanted without having to actually RUN after them. *snort*
Calories Consumed: 1478
Calories Burned: 169
Net Calories: 1309
As for today...once again, the food is much the same. I can't wait to cook again this weekend, though as I'm going to try Jamie's Chicken Meatloaf Muffins and Pumpkin Protein Bars with Walnuts. NOM! Sounds good! Also plan on trying to figure out more yummy ways to cook up veggies, since they're free (unlimited) and all. I think I'm going to make up some green beans and tomatoes (a yummy dish I have at the Greek place from time to time over rice) and some Kale Tofu Stir Fry as one of this week's meals.
If I consume what I've set out for the day, these will be my stats...
PROTEIN: 154 (43.3%)
CARBS: 132 (37.1%)
FAT: 25 (15.8%)
I did have a tiny little flub this morning in forgetting my protein shake mix for after my workout. Ah-well. It means my calories are down a bit low (and my protein), but I'll have to make due. Another change I'm making next week is adding fruit back into the diet. Jamie says berries in the AM (maybe with morning snack...hrm...or in my oatmeal) and then a banana with your protein shake after your workout. I'm pretty sure I just missed this little line note last week, but I think it's probably good I didn't eat any fruit this week. I'm pretty sure part of my detox was from sugar, so when I add them back in I'll have a better chance of letting them QUENCH the sweet tooth without igniting it and driving me to the gas station for Ho-Hos and the like. ;)
Today's Workout was a tad difficult. My shoulders look amazing to me already, but they aren't as strong as the rest of me, that's for sure. Plus, I've heard so many scary injury stories from shoulder work in the gym, that I tend to be very careful when doing shoulder work. (That means a good warm-up on lat raises before I even think of lifting anything over 5 pounds like that!) That being said, I think I did alright. Feeling pretty good about it.
Shoulders and Abs
Seated Dumbbell Press - 3 sets/12 reps/15 lbs
Standing Dumbbell Straight-Arm Front Delt Raise to a T - 3 sets/12 reps/10 lbs
Side Lat Raises - 1 set/12 reps/5 lbs, 2 sets/12 reps/8 lbs
Seated Bent-Over Rear Delt Raise - 3 sets/12 reps/10 lbs
Exercise Ball Crunch - 3 sets/12 reps
Bicycle Crunches - 3 sets/12 reps
TIME: 32 minutes
AVG HR: 108
MAX HR: 148
CAL BURNED: 188
FAT CAL: 47%
First of all, I *hate* using the balls at the gym. I never know whether they're approved for my weight or not. I bit the bullet this time and headed to a corner with a ball and did all 3 sets. Still didn't feel comfortable, but I wasn't going to let fear of embarassment stop me yet again. Second of all, I must have been doing something right in the meantime. I haven't done bicycle crunches in a while and for the first time EVER they were controlled and almost easy (well, at least to start). Something happened there, somehow I strengthened my core, because this is not the body I was working with when I left my last gym. This one's stronger and more agile and ready to go. *love it!*
If all goes well with the eating, these should be my end day stats:
Calories Consumed: 1424
Calories Burned: 188
Net Calories: 1236
Yes, I still think this is low for me. I once had my nutritionist yell at me and tell me never to go under 1700 (or maybe it was 1900). BUT...I'm just learning. I plan on adding in some fruits next week, so that will boost up the calories a bit more. And then (I looked ahead a bit), by week 7, Jamie urges you to eat the right amount of calories. These first few weeks are like the training grounds for the real fight. Just like Spark, they take you one step at a time. Step one in nutrition is learning WHAT to eat and when. Later we'll work on how much your body actually needs (even if I choose my eventual goal weight of 177, it means I will not be eating under 1900 calories, so I guess my nutritionist had it right). Right now, I'm trying not to worry about it. What's a few more weeks in the grand scheme of things? Learning these percentages of how to balance carbs, fat, and protein has been the one thing I haven't been able to get a hold of yet. If I can figure out how to balance these macros correctly, I will be SET! I already know WHAT to eat, and WHEN to eat, and HOW MUCH to eat, but now I'm learning what I should eat of this in proportion to that. I think that lesson is one we often save for last...and maybe Jamie's right...maybe it should be first. In the next few weeks I'll start thinking about how if I increase this part of my meal to up the calories, I should probably increase the other part as well.
Also not included in Jamie's plans are cheat meals or cheat days. And I agree with that, for the most part...but. (Yes, there's a but.) I've been stressing over the fact that next Thursday is my son's birthday and he's already requested Pizza Hut for dinner. As I was telling my girl, KKINNEA, right now I'm faced with 2 choices. 1) Eat pizza, feel guilty and horrible and like I failed, but enjoy myself in the moment with my boys. 2) Don't eat with the family and feel miserable and depressed and all those feelings of CAN'T BECAUSE I'M NOT NORMAL and have a horrible time, thus taking away from Ethan's day. I needed a choice 3. I needed it badly! It came in looking around at some of the other plans on bodybuilding.com and seeing that some of them allow "cheats" - some "clean cheats" and some "dirty cheats". I took this to mean that a clean cheat is something that doesn't exactly fit into your "planned foods" but is still considered healthy and clean. While a dirty cheat is totally off the menu, probably on the DON'T EAT THIS list. So my choice #3 - have a dirty cheat. Be smart about it. Fill up on salad from the salad bar first and then maybe have one slice of pizza and be done with it (or two if I feel really hungry, which I doubt I will if I stick to plan the rest of the day). With the calories I'm eating now, it really shouldn't hurt me at all to have a "high" day and it will probably still be under my own calorie goals.
So, yes, I'm allowing clean and dirty cheats. Only a clean cheat this week because I'm really trying to live through one full week of the "eat clean" plan. I was thinking yesterday about what I wanted and I think I've figured it out... peanut butter. *lmao* It's still "clean" if I make it myself, right?! I think that counts. No clue WHY I'm craving PB at all, but there it is. PB on some toast I'm thinking. Or maybe even just on some celery. I just really want some PB! *lol*
Alright, so week 1 workouts complete. Now I just have the tough weekend to contend with for sticking to the eating plan and I'll be able to officially say I conquered week 1. Wish me luck!! (and lots of rest! *lol*)
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