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A Fresh Start and Memories (with progress pics!)

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Yes, it's January 1st and I am totally considering this another fresh start. I'm calling it "Phase III" of this journey. This morning I woke up to take measurements and pictures. I have to say, I wasn't exactly pleased when I saw the pictures...and then I did some digging for the "before" pics I took in May 2010. (Note: I started "Phase II" in April 2010 at 416.2, but these were taken in May at 403 pounds. Still, the progress is more than notable.)

Official Weight for January 1st: 306.4

Official measurements:
Neck - 14.5
Upper Arm - 14
Bust - 46.5
Under Breasts - 42
Waist - 45
Hips - 55
Thigh - 24.5
Calf - 20.25

I'm at about a size 24 pant right now and a size XL shirt.

And now...for the pics...

Now on to Phase III!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPUNKYDUCKY 1/6/2012 10:28PM

    LOVE the progress pics - you have made fantastic progress! Can't wait to see the next set.

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SPARKLISE 1/3/2012 9:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANEWBETHSTL 1/2/2012 9:58AM

    The progress is amazing... emoticon and we will be right here cheering you on the whole time.

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SARAHJ19 1/2/2012 9:20AM

    Way to go on your progress!!! You should be so proud! emoticon

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COCOMAC7 1/1/2012 10:53PM

    Holy shiz girl!!!! You have VERY obviously done great things and there is so much more in you! You are so inspiring.
Phase III will be owned!!!!

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SARAWALKS 1/1/2012 9:42PM

    emoticon Fantastic progress! emoticon
The emoticon is yet to come! You will do it! emoticon

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SUGIRL06 1/1/2012 7:43PM

    You look amazing!!!!

I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep up with you lately but you have been such a good spark friend this year and I hope to be there for you more in 2012! You are so inspiring girlie! You will do great in 2012!

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    Look at you!!! Your progress has been amazing. So proud of you, girl!

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MAGPIE17 1/1/2012 7:28PM

    E, you look fabulous!!

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    Pictures don't lie and the proof of your hard work is in the pictures. Good luck on the next phase. You got this!

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RUSSELLORAMA 1/1/2012 6:40PM

    You are totally doing this! Those pictures tell the story for sure.

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KEEP_GOING247 1/1/2012 6:38PM

    You have done an amazing job!! Keep it up!! emoticon

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ERINBEAR1876 1/1/2012 6:32PM

    I just love the confidence and strength you have in your after pictures. Phase III is YOURS!!!!!

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SEAWAVE 1/1/2012 6:15PM

    That's definitely showing, not saying. What a great accomplishment - you've already made such a difference (and I'm sure there's added strength, stamina and overall improved health too!) You're well on your way to reaching your final goals.

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    You are doing wonderfully! You should be so proud of yourself.

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CAROBEAR1 1/1/2012 6:07PM

    Thanks for the update. You are still motivating me as I did well until May this year and then let it slip....back on track starting Jan. 3 with new job and new diet start.
I always count on your updates being truthful and motivating even when you aren't feeling it yourself.
I can see today I'm up more than 10lbs from my last log on so I think your 20 lost this year is Awesome!!
resetting now my tracker now emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/1/2012 6:07:42 PM

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HLTHYRNRMOM 1/1/2012 6:04PM


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IONA72 1/1/2012 5:59PM

    What a difference, you have done such a lot of work. Keep at it girl, 2012 is gonna be great!

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RUNNINGNP2B 1/1/2012 5:58PM

    Look at those should be very proud of all that you have done and will continue to do! Congrats!

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    You have done fabulous!

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BAYBELIEVER 1/1/2012 5:45PM

    OMG! What awesome photo comparisons! I know how great you have done, but putting these pictures together, side by side, really brings it home! I hope you see it too! You should, but I know how hard it is for me to see in my pictures too. So, if you need a blow by blow, I will be happy to provide! I mean, for one, just look at those tiny legs!!

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MARLY53 1/1/2012 5:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon You've come along way baby! Om my gosh girl, you have come along way. Keep it up!

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MARLY53 1/1/2012 5:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon You've come along way baby! Om my gosh girl, you have come along way. Keep it up!

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MARLY53 1/1/2012 5:41PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon You've come along way baby! Om my gosh girl, you have come along way. Keep it up!

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    Still think it's awesome! Phase III, bring. it. on!

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Next Week's Menu

Saturday, December 31, 2011


Sunday - Cassoulet
Monday - Slow Cooker Pot Roast
Tuesday - Slow Cooker Swedish Meatballs
Wednesday - Slow Cooker Brown Sugar Chicken over Rice
Thursday - "Unstuffed" Cabbage Rolls
Friday - Slow Cooker Chicken Pot Pie
Saturday - Fried Tofu and either Fried Rice or Pad Thai

All leading up to my birthday on Sunday. Have to decide whether to order my cake or make it... And next Sunday we'll be going out to eat somewhere. Right now I'm thinking "Big Fat Cheeseburger with Fries" but I'm still not 100% sure.


Sunday - OFF (STRETCH!)
Monday - 1.5 miles & 30 Day Shred
Tuesday - ZumbaLite & ST
Wednesday - OFF (STRETCH!)
Thursday - ZumbaLite
Friday - Nike Training Camp (NTC)
Saturday - End of Year 30 5k


* Drink at least 8-10 glasses of water every day.
* Buy supplies and start first craft challenge.
* Pack lunch every single day, save one (have plans to go out with a friend next week).
* Take my supplements every day.

We may go out on Monday for lunch or something. If so, my goal is keep health in mind when I'm ordering. It's a HCD, but that doesn't mean I have to go OTT (over the top).

It's the last day of 2011. What are you doing to end 2011 right?

I'm going to attempt 30DS so I can get some idea of whether it's going to hurt or not. I hopped on the elliptical last night to give that a go. Did 20 minutes with little to no problems. I did discover that the higher the crossramp, the better it is on my back and hips. Not really sure why. Upped the resistance too so it would be a good, but tough, workout. Glad to know that this will be a great back-up for me on Zumba days.

Plans for today are as follows:
* Play some Fable III. *big grin*
* Take down Christmas decorations and store for next year.
* Go grocery shopping for the week.
* Do 30 Day Shred.
* Drink 8 glasses of water, at least.
* Take my supplements with lunch (because I forgot with breakfast...OOPS!)
* Make tacos tonight.
* Drop by the video store (if open) for movies for tonight.

Plans for tomorrow include:
* Official weigh-in.
* Official measurements for start of 2012.
* Official "Before again" pictures for start of 2012.
* Maybe a fitness test too - push-ups, crunches, lunges, squats and jumping jacks.

Hope everyone has a safe, happy and healthy NYE and a wonderful start to 2012!! (I could be totally annoying and say, "See you next year!" ...but I won't (except I just did..oops!) ;) )

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYVT 1/1/2012 11:57AM


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SARAHJ19 12/31/2011 10:02PM

    Great plans for today and tomorrow! I also love your food menu and goals for the week! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Have you seen the website/blog about the woman who cooks in a crock pot everyday? It is pretty interesting, I bet you would find tons of recipes there!! Found the site...

Have a happy New Year!!!!

Comment edited on: 12/31/2011 10:05:39 PM

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KAYOTIC 12/31/2011 7:09PM

    Gotta love the forward planning, and the 30 Day Shred! Best of Luck, And Happy New Year!

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THOMS1 12/31/2011 2:30PM

    Good Goals! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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Thinking Ahead (aka Planning Stage)

Friday, December 30, 2011

A break from the normal "this sucks" blog. *lol*

So I've spent the majority of my time planning lately. I'll be the first to tell you that New Years Resolutions, in their traditional sense, do NOT work. However... (I hate starting sentences with "however") I think planning is extremely important to set yourself up for success. Even if it weren't the first of the year coming up, I'd still be planning and setting myself up for the next month because, yes, I'll admit, I think this month was a total wash. I didn't get much accomplished as far as my weight loss/fitness goals were concerned, and it had little to do with the holidays and more to do with what I just happen to be going through right now. So January 1st or November 1st, I'd be sitting here doing the same thing - planning for a positive, healthy, and successful new month.

That being said, there is a certain air of "fresh start/clean slate" on the upcoming month just because it is a new year (and will mean another birthday in just over a week). So, go on and make those NY Resolutions, I'd say - just make them reasonably. And don't waste today or tomorrow. Yes, I know, you'll "get started" on the first, and if you really want to stick to that, that's fine. But use the next 2 days to set yourself up better. Log everything you eat - yes, even the crap. Log and journal and plan, plan, plan - because it will all help you make a better start out of the upcoming month/year. I haven't had "successful" days this past week, at least not in my regular terms of speaking about the whole "healthy lifestyle" thing. I've eaten crap, and too much of it. But I've logged it all and I've started to get my arse back in gear with cooking every day and I'm taking small walks on all of my breaks at work. Each time I log something, take a walk, plan a meal, cook something new, I'm setting myself up for my "fresh start" on Sunday.

What have I learned?

Well, last night I had the first "Okay, that is ENOUGH!" moment when it came to eating the crap. It's been a LONG time since I've gotten to this point. I felt the effects. And I hated that even more than my "loss of willpower" over the candy floating around my house. Know what I'll be doing tomorrow? CLEAN HOUSE, baby! This stuff is finding it's way out of my life for now because I know I'm having a crap time controlling myself around it. (Just think what would have happened if I had "waited" until January 1st...I would've set myself up for failure right there.)

I've also caught the cooking bug again. (Thank goodness!) I've been making crockpot meals, recipes I've found online or ones I've simply "made up" (a skill I learned this year and really does work wonders). I'm starting to feel that pride again in cooking something I know that I made - something in which I know every single ingredient, down to the last dash of salt. This is what "eating clean" is to me. Eating meals that I've cooked, with simple and controlled ingredients. (We can argue how this isn't exactly what they mean by "clean eating" but what does it matter if it works for me?) I'm starting to use recipes and adapt them to cut down on the calories or fat, increase the amount of veggies in them, and otherwise make them less greasy, more healthy, more filling, and less "guilt-ridden." (I'll let you know when I finally find the holy grail - a great tasting, healthy version of Mac-N-Cheese.)

I'm back to drinking my 8 minimum cups of water a day and have been taking my supplements. All these little things add up. I'm also getting my body used to walks again. Sucks that I have to resort back to this, but I know in my heart that people have lost ALL their weight doing nothing but walking. Hopefully one day I'll be able to go back to my KickArse AmpedUp Workouts, but until then, I will walk and adapt every other exercise to make it work with what I've got. "Do what you do."

I've also taken this time to re-evaluate what 2011 meant to me and have come to feel pretty proud of what I've accomplished. I no longer say, "I ONLY lost 20 pounds." I now say, "I lost 20 pounds this year!" Because I went thorugh a lot of crap, and in the past I know that I would have simply given in and given up and would have to say that I gained those 20 pounds instead of losing them. I like this route better. And I learned a crapton about myself too, which will help me mentally adapt to the next phase of this journey. (Because I now see my journey in parts or phases, and 2011 was part of the in-between phase I usually have. Last time that "phase" lasted 5 years and I gained 50 pounds over those 5 years. This time I hope to look back and remember that it only lasted 1 year and I LOST 20 pounds.)

So, yes, I've been planning. And eagerly awaiting the new year to "unveil" my plan to everyone. *lol* This morning I thought, "How friggin' stupid is that?" THAT is something that doesn't require waiting to starting your healthy lifestyle doesn't require a set date, neither does unveiling my plan - jotting it down, proclaiming it to the "world" so I'm held accountable. So, here it all it's glory. And please keep in mind that I know fully well in my mind that this plan probably will change from time to time, depending on my back/hip I've given myself back up plans as well.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

1/1 - off
1/2 - 1.5 miles & 30 Day Shred
1/3 - ZumbaLite & ST
1/4 - off
1/5 - ZumbaLite
1/6 - NTC (adapted as needed)
1/7 - 3 miles
1/8 - MY BIRTHDAY!! (off)
1/9 - 2 miles & 30DS
1/10 - ZumbaLite & ST
1/11 - off
1/12 - ZumbaLite
1/13 - NTC
1/14 - 3 miles
1/15 - off
1/16 - 2 miles & 30DS
1/17 - ZumbaLite & ST
1/18 - off
1/19 - ZumbaLite
1/20 - Elliptical & 30DS
1/21 - 4 miles
1/22 - off
1/23 - 2.5 miles & 30DS
1/24 - ZumbaLite & ST
1/25 - off
1/26 - ZumbaLite
1/27 - NTC
1/28 - 4 miles
1/29 - off
1/30 - 2.5 miles & 30DS
1/31 - ZumbaLite & ST

* This schedule allows for 2-3 days of ST per week, plus 5 days of some sort of cardio. I've reclaimed "Zumba" as ZumbaLite to remind me to keep it light...but if Zumba starts messing with me again, I'll have to sub it out for the elliptical machine, and I have no problem with that because they both burn a lot of calories. I'm also going to try 30DS, but I don't think I can do it every single day right now. I may not even be able to finish level one right now, but dangit I vow to at least attempt to do as much as I can of it every single day I've got it scheduled.

* Also, you'll notice I've simply put a mileage number for my old "run" days. If I get back to feeling like I can run (and get the go ahead from the doc) I will try to run part of these. If not, I'll walk it. And on those long days, I'll do what I can - take a break - and then finish my mileage later. Even if that means a LOT of short 15 minute walks (15 minutes seems to be my breaking point right now), that's what it means - that's why I scheduled them on Saturdays!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

emoticon Allowed High Calorie Days

* Jan 2nd - I'll be home from work with the boys and am thinking this might be our one "eat out" day that week

* Jan 8th - My birthday! We will certainly be eating out that day (hopefully) and I have my eye on a vegan chocolate cake with vegan "buttercream" frosting - not because of dietary concerns, but because the best cake/cupcakes I've eaten in my life have been vegan. *shrug* Maybe my body just likes them more...

* Jan 15th & 22nd - Both Sundays, which I think will be my regular HCD, unless there's a special event or something

- Again, this whole "high calorie days" is a tester type thing. When I started losing weight in 2004, I used to think it a horrible idea to weigh in more than once a week. But last year I started weighing in every day and I noticed it takes the sting out of the numbers for me. I feel somehow better about my progress by "checking in" every day, and starting my morning on the scale reminds me that I have a job to do, that I have a goal I'm reaching toward, so I need to be on the ball each and every day. (Now, I'm not promoting this. This works for me. This could be disasterous for you -- some even say it can lead to eating disorders! -- but I gotta do me.) I'm hoping that this "high calorie day" thing will break me from binges that last a week because I've been trying so hard to be "good" for months and I just can't take it any more. I want to "lessen" that feeling of "all or nothing" and know that if I want a friggin' cupcake, I can have one...and it doesn't mean I have to starve all day to do it. I'll have it on my HCD and then move on. I have no clue if this will work, but it won't hurt to try, right?

Other food goals:
emoticon On days not HCD, I need to stick to around 1700-1900 calories. (Haven't found that sweet spot yet, so I'm just going by nutritionist recommendations and what I know about what my body does when I have "successful" weeks.)

emoticon Only eat out 1-2 times per week. This includes special occasions and lunches, so no making special "exceptions" for these. If I grab a Subway sub on Tuesday at lunch, then I've used up one of my "eat out" cards.

emoticon When eating out, be mindful of what you're ordering! Since I know about cooking now, I know a lot of what types of oils, butters, and sauces pack a calorie punch right in the kisser. So I'm going to be mindful of that and try to order wisely.

emoticon Make meals at home. Of course, since we'll be eating out less, that means I'll be cooking at home more. This is why I've been testing out the whole "slow cooker" method of making dinner to see how well that will work into our lives. Right now, it's looking good! I can give myself a "night off" from cooking, while still enjoying a warm home-cooked meal. I think we'll be using our slow cooker 2-4 nights a week in January!

emoticon Make healthy lunches for work. This is something I've been working on. I do not enjoy/get filled up on/like the taste, cost, or sodium in those TV dinner type meals. When I eat these, I end up hungry an hour later. No lie. They can say it's got tons of fiber and whatever else, but my body just soaks it up (or maybe just gets rid of it...TMI?) and I'm hungry again. It just NEVER seems like enough. So I need to keep making my own lunch. Something I KNOW will fill me up and keep me going. Of course, this part has always been lacking for me. If I can make enough food the night before, I can usually swing some leftovers. But I live in a house with 3 males - one is 31 and works stocking shelves all night so needs a TON of energy from his food (=eats a LOT), another is 12 (=eats a LOT! *lol*). (The other one, my 9 year old, is still a picky eater and rarely finishes the scaled down portions I give him anyhow, so I can't totally blame this on's just the oldest 2 in the house hogging the food.) This means that, try as I might, sometimes there just AREN'T any leftovers to be had. So I need healthy, quick lunch alternatives other than the fall-back salad and ham sandwich. (Feel free to give ideas!)

emoticon Get some healthy snacks going! I'm going to limit myself to 2 healthy snacks at work. Of course, I'm here for 10 hours, so the first snack can be small, but the last one needs to carry me through (especially considering I workout after work). I need to make sure to pack things like my homemade peanut butter and other things that might "stick" to me and give me the fuel I need to round out the day.

emoticon Drink at least 8 glasses of water EVERY DAY!

emoticon Take my supplements. (Right now I'm taking B-Stress Complex, Potassium, and Glucosamine. Maybe that will give my body the help it needs to REALLY heal. I'm already feeling a little better after just 3 days of it.)


Okay, so this month my rewards are based off my exercise, because we've discovered that exercise keeps me motivated. If I find this is making other areas (like eating right) slide because I have that "well, if I just workout..." mentality, we'll switch things up. My rewards are on a sliding scale, trying to get me toward consistency without demanding immediate perfection.

There are 22 workouts scheduled in January 2012.
If I complete....I get.
22/22 - A full makeover - new outfit, haircut and color, mani, pedi.
20/22 - Haircut and new clothes
18/22 - Haircut and a new pair of jeans/pants
16/22 - Haircut and a new shirt
15/22 - Haircut

(I need a friggin' haircut! *lol* For serious. I will be SO mad at myself if I don't make it to the lower level ... *lol* But I have faith in myself that I will. I'm already "shopping" for my new outfit. The only thing scaring me is that pedicure...I've never had one and I have REALLY ticklish feet.)


emoticon At least 1 "daytrip" or weekend excursion with the family. I've got my eye on Ohio Caverns for January, but if we can't swing that even a movie and lunch day on a Sunday could work wonders!

emoticon Get crafty! I think engaging my creative side helps me, when you have a hobby you spend time doing something other than thinking about food! *lol* I'm thinking I'll either knit myself a pretty scarf (I LOVE scarves and hats...and I don't know how to knit hats yet...) or I'll get together my recipes into a family recipe book. Other crafty ideas I've had: frame a picture of my own, scrapbook my journey thus far, a new coupon organizing system, paint the living room and do house repairs (even that can be "crafty" for me).

So there it is. The plan for a new month, a new year on the calendar, a new year in my life. I'll be turning 31 and I want to start off the year on the right foot. As for NY resolutions and all that? I've decided I'd like to lose 52 pounds in 2012. That's all I got. That's my goal. One pound a week. That's totally doable...and will put me around the 250 range, which is super close to the gym-set goal for me of 230. Oh, and I'd like to get into some new (smaller sized) clothes for sure! I'm ready to save up and go shopping again! *lol* (I love buying new clothes when I know I might go down a size...makes it more fun to shop and see the progress of my hard work reflected in the mirror!)

So what's your take on NY resolutions? Are you making any? If not, are you planning for next month or just "flying by the seat of your pants" into January?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MICHELLESMILES_ 12/31/2011 2:29PM

    Love your plans!! I need to clean the crap out of my fridge...(chocolate covered chex mix and such).

Love that you caught the cooking bug again...everything sounds great!!

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LILY_SPARK 12/31/2011 10:58AM

    Some great plans. You're totally right that COOKING is key! OMG, totally the biggest help to nutrition is having somebody cook for us or do it ourselves. Hard to do on a tight schedule but NUTRITION is #1 (at least for my body) and sadly, I always lack there a bit.

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JEREMY723 12/30/2011 8:02PM

    You have a great plan that I know you've spent a lot of time thinking about and writing. Wishing you all the best in January and the rest of 2012!

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ERIN1128 12/30/2011 6:25PM

    Awesome planning! I love that you always, always pick yourself back up, it's - I know, you hate this word, LOL! - inspiring!!

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ERIN1128 12/30/2011 6:24PM

    Awesome planning! I love that you always, always pick yourself back up, it's - I know, you hate this word, LOL! - inspiring!!

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LUCYVT 12/30/2011 4:13PM

    emoticon planning & Have a Happy new Year

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IONA72 12/30/2011 3:07PM

    You have put a lot of effort in already, you deserve success. I too was waiting for New Year to update my page, but like you, decided why wait? Today is day one of the new me.
Good luck on the journey emoticon

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_MSAPRIL17_ 12/30/2011 2:56PM

    That's some serious planning!! I have no doubt in my mind that you will kill all of your plans!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Here we gooooooo!!!!!!

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DETERMINED_SOUL 12/30/2011 1:25PM

    Planning is crucial! I think you will do emoticon

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BELLALUCIA 12/30/2011 1:08PM

    I will make my resolutions on 1/3/2012 and I think they work for some people.

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KKINNEA 12/30/2011 1:04PM

    Your plan looks awesome!! I love that you left your mileage in so you can ramp back into running as you're feeling better. I am totally rooting for 22/22 so you can get the works reward! I'll set myself a reminder to wish you a happy b-day - mine is 2 days before - go goats!

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BTINTERNET 12/30/2011 12:53PM

    You amazing planning ahead woman!!!

For the lunches/leftovers issue, what about packing up your lunch before dinner (i.e. before the ravening hordes have gotten to whatever delicious thing you've made)? Stash it in a tub in the fridge and then they can scrape the pan without sacrificing your lunch. Alternatively, make a couple of things on the weekend *only* for lunches (a pot of chili or stew, etc.) and decant into lunch portions straightaway and freeze them.

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Yesterday Went Great Until...

Thursday, December 29, 2011


I did so well yesterday. Woke up in the AM. Had 1/2 a bagel with my homemade peanut butter (which, compared to the other stuff is not only better for me but less calories). I drank my coffee. I was feeling good.

On my first 15 at work, I stood around outside reading for a while before I thought to myself, "I could be walking." So I walked back and forth twice outside in front of my building. It wasn't much, but it felt good to move.

On my lunch break, I did 4 back and forths (or maybe 5?) after eating my 1/2 turkey sandwich (seriously, this thing was big enough to count as a full sandwich) from Hubs. Again, it felt good to move. My back didn't hurt too much, though I was starting to feel it on the last little back/forth.

I repeated the first 2 on my last break. I stayed away from candy all day. I chewed gum. I ate a protein bar for one snack. I felt more in control than I have in a while.

And then I went to the gym...and everything fell apart. First I got annoyed by the pre-jumpers. If you aren't a regular gym-goer you might not understand but all the gyms start to pack in the numbers around New Years as people make those blasted resolutions. It's a tough first couple months for us regular gym-goers because we're just waiting for the fall out so we can get back to our routine, which, believe it or not, does not involve waiting for you to finish your 1 of 4 total workouts for the year on the machine we almost always use on this day at this time. *sigh* I know it will be worse in the next couple weeks, but I always start to notice a little pre-NYE push from those people who don't want to be seen as jumping on the NYE Resolutions bandwagon (but really are). To make it even better (*dripping with sarcasm*) right now they're bouncy chicks at the ripe old age of like 12 (okay, maybe they're 17) in their teeny-tiny shorts and sparkly tanks in full makeup and hair done. *rolls eyes* I'm sorry, but I could never consider the gym the place to meet someone. I know people do but...ugh. I'm there with my battle face on, my headphones in, ready to put my entire attention and effort into my time there and make it count. I'm not flitting around all half-hazard on the treadmill, making sure my boobs look good as I blast through 10 seconds at 6.5 speed, just so the dudes (who, btw, are NOT paying attention) know I can go fast and look hot doing it.

So, yeah, there was a little annoyance at the lack of treadmill space, but I just went with it and figured I'd pound it out on the (stupid) track upstairs. (For the record, we don't have one of those fancy tracks. This thing is tiny...someone once told me it takes 17 laps to equal a mile...which means you're going around and around so much I almost get dizzy. isn't level. There are bumps here and there. That track kinda annoys me...probably mostly because, if I'm not going to be on a treadmill, then I want to be outside on the pavement. Sometimes I *hate* that I have to check in at the gym to stay in my insurance program.)

But the real kicker was that, while I was only scheduled to WALK at a somewhat brisk pace (and, in my defense, I was going kinda fast - around a 15-16 min/mi pace...fading the whole time, though) for 20 minutes...and I nearly died. After 5 minutes I was feeling it, but I knew that was from the "resting" (or "slacking off"...however you want to look at it) I did the past couple weeks. After 10 minutes, I was just reminding myself that I was halfway there, but could tell I was slowing down no matter how hard I tried to keep up my pace (all the while cursing because I really, really, really wanted to run). By 15 minutes though, the pain in my back was causing significant problems. I wanted to stop, but I had promised myself 20 minutes, so I limped my way through the last 5 minutes and felt dejected and stupid that I had just completed a whole 1.22 miles in about 21 minutes. *rolls eyes*

I know you all are going to hurrah me for getting out there, but I'm so friggin' frustrated still. Just a month or so ago I was running 5 miles. Now I want to die after WALKING ONE MILE?! *bangs head on desk repeatedly*

What's worse...I'm having that nagging, "What's the friggin' point?" ghost haunting me. I asked the Chiro this. I explained that I'm frustrated because I've worked SO hard to lose over 100 pounds and now I'm less mobile than when I was 100 pounds heavier. And then he said what I figured a doctor would one day... "Well, sometimes it's not because of your weight. After losing over 100 pounds, I doubt this issue was caused or is affected by your weight." And while part of me doesn't believe him, part of me was laughing hysterically. Remember all those doctors, year after year, problem after problem who attributed every damn thing I had to my weight? *snort* I kept screaming inside, "Surely every single problem I ever have cannot be because of my weight!" I knew it was mostly a cop-out. And now, straight from the horse's mouth, there it is. "This probably wasn't because of your weight."

I get it, I do. Go with the most obvious solution first. Girl is fat - girl has back problems = girl's back problems could most likely be caused by her being fat. Yea, apparently not.

Still, as funny as that is to me, it's still frustrating to feel like I'm back at square one. Over a year done here with consistency, sticking with it. I never disappeared for more than a week. I took only 1 full week off from exercising. Sure, I wasn't perfect, but I kept getting back up time and time again. I kept fighting. And there I was last night, walking that track, sure that every new little thing in there was staring at me thinking it was my NY resolution to finally lose weight and doing whatever pathetic thing she could, them all thinking that they'll outlast me at the gym...not knowing I'm a regular. And while I'm walking, pathetically, my body is feeling like it's day one too. And I hate that feeling. I've lived off the "It doesn't get easier, you just get better" motto for so long and now I'm faced with "and sometimes you get worse" crap.

So, yeah. Another stupid rant from me. Sorry about all these. I know how annoying it is to hear it, but it's more annoying to live it, trust me.

I followed my stellar day and pathetic performance at the gym with a tiny binge session last night of some of the sweets we have, and felt horrible for it. All before AND after I'd eaten the dinner I had prepared, telling myself not to eat out, to control my food, and I'm shoving down carmel corn and sugar cookies like they're going to run away or disappear. I even ate one of the buckeyes that I, surprisingly, no longer care for and a no-bake cookie that sucks. No, make that 2 of those crappy no-bakes. (I lost my recipe and the one I found online was NOT right.) *bangs head on desk again*

Today is another day. I'm going to attempt a better performance. I packed my gym clothes again. I plan on going out in a moment to take my first 5 minute walk. It may not do much in the way of losing weight, but at least it makes me feel like I'm trying.

Put the pulled pork in the crockpot before I left this AM, so dinner is taken care of...just need to make it through this day with only what I have on hand (cassoulet for lunch, a banana, and a granola thin) and then resist the temptations at home. Gotta break the cycle. Gotta stop eating my frustration. And, sorry, but I gotta keep venting here in order to have any hopes of doing that.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LBSPOERL 1/2/2012 12:04AM

    Ohhhhh, I get it, & I know that feeling of encountering them at the gym! It happens almost every time I go. And I am well aware that others probably think the same thing about me when I pass them by..... except I have a bunch of health issues so exercise isn't natural to me whatsoever. I have to start slow & easy. When they bother you, find something else to focus on to feed your frustration, such as staring at a wall (or something stationary) across from you, & focus on YOUR work-out. You'll get more intensity into it & be mindful of what you're doing, which is more work than them! Hang in there. They won't last long. :)

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BAYBELIEVER 12/30/2011 9:32AM

    You keep coming here and venting! Especially now before all the newbies bring the Spark servers crashing down! Ha! I so feel the same things you do. I walked a week ago, 2 miles, 18 minute miles. Then I walked on Monday. 1.75 miles, and it was everything I could do to finish it. I swore I hurt more than I had when I started this process and could only do 0.6 miles! My legs hurt. I wanted to stop. And since I have been still working out I realized it was all that sugar I allowed myself to introduce into my system for the holidays. It is just sitting there in my body accumulating in my joints and muscles. So, it is time to cut out the crap (it was anyway, but this just reiterates it). Yesterday I walked again. 2.2 miles in 40 minutes. Better. The pains would start but I could fight through them. It's all progress. Let's keep fighting the great fight! And I loved what you said about docs! Yeah, we all know that EVERY problem we have is not probably related to the weight. I think I would have laughed out loud, not just inside!!

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LUCYVT 12/30/2011 8:31AM


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TRACYZABELLE 12/30/2011 5:55AM

    Can not keep kicking yourself-- binge over ... done... finished and now move on.. We all do things we are not proud of but owning up to it was great and as you look back you will see how bad it made you feel and hopefully it will stop you from doing it again.

Happy slimmer new year!~

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SKIRNIR 12/29/2011 11:41PM

    I really do get the venting. Sometimes it is just necessary. Sometimes our bodies just betray us. I broke my toe last summer and had to struggle all summer with not being able to do what I could before. Even as I recovered, I still couldn't go the speeds and inclines I could on the treadmill. But hopefully you can see improvement, even if it is slow, of you working back up to your previous state. Hopefully each walk, each workout will get better and please, if it hurts, maybe you will need to stop, even if you "promised' yourself. You could make it worse if you push yourself too much.

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SASXONTHEMOVE 12/29/2011 7:39PM

    here for ya, babe. I know what it's like to be discouraged and wonder if its all worth it. Especially with back problems. My back stuff had nothing to do with my being fat. It was all genetics (thanks again, dad) but it doesn't help that doing high impact things can really screw it up. running? nope made it worse. most yoga? nada, arching back= weeks of agony, tyvm

I'm glad that you're getting out there everyday, even 5 min here and there, What a great reminder to do your best every day. we all fall down, sometimes we fall down a lot , all damn day. the hardest part is to get back up and keep going, even knowing that you'll probably fall again. keep getting back up, keep walking, and don't worry, you'll have your gym back in a little bit. patience, grasshopper, you can still kick butt!

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PAMAZON 12/29/2011 5:23PM

    I hate that feeling where you think people think you're just starting your journey. I swear I'm making a Tshirt that says "I've been working on this ish for YEARS!" It seems like being thinner and more fit would make you less prone to getting hurt, but every time you feel that ouch, remember all that activity you've been doing! I mean not doing in the last couple weeks, but doing over the last year to contribute to your current pain. You could resolve (yeah, I said that dirty word) to stay balanced with cross-training and strength training to support your running career in 2012!

I love my chiro, but I also have had amazing success getting to the root of some serious muscle imbalance and weakness with my physical therapist. I don't know if your insurance covers that, but if it does, find a good one and try it. They fix my broken down behind every single time I forget to strength train while running and get hurt.

Good luck busting through the throngs of sparkly, shiny new resolution-ers!

Comment edited on: 12/29/2011 5:27:09 PM

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CALLIKIA 12/29/2011 4:05PM

    Third time's a charm?

No. The pool is not an option.

Comment edited on: 12/29/2011 4:05:18 PM

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MOMKAT4310 12/29/2011 3:52PM

    Fear not, this is the place to vent. and venting is so important. When we just let go and say or write the things we are mulling over in our heads, we can clear the air in our brain, but we can also see issues, patterns, and from this, we can sometimes see directions and solutions we can work toward. You have done a great job, and I can commiserate, as I also deal with back issues, not from weight but from a wreck. Keep going to the gym. Around here it is the same, and then we have Mondays, when people come to work off the weekend. Don;t want to get started on that.

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SEEHOLZ 12/29/2011 2:19PM

    Maybe this will be annoyning to you- sorry if it is, but I still think the pool might be an awesome option for you?

Anyways, I am sorry to hear you are still in pain- trust me, I actually understand a lot of what you are talking about- that horribly deflated feeling of - accept that horrible shape I am in vs how I used to be. It's okay to grieve- as long as you don't dwell, right?


P.S. If venting helps, vent!

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LIMASTAR 12/29/2011 2:10PM

  Hang in there!! Those newbies will be gone sooner than you think. Just think how much better off you are exercising.

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SARAWALKS 12/29/2011 1:09PM

    Go right ahead and vent, we don't mind! In fact we want to hear how it's going for you.
And we're all doing the FACE PALM number these days so don't feel alone.
Maybe we should choreograph a routine...
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TARANITUP 12/29/2011 12:01PM

    That does stink about the gym and the people who only come at the beginning of the year, but stick it out... as you know they wont be around long

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KKINNEA 12/29/2011 11:38AM

    Indeed, vent away as needed! I hate when I end up eating junk food and it isn't even quality junk food - argh!

Sucks about the pre-jumpers - bad enough they show up at new year's but to sneak in ahead and take up all the space is annoying. I hear you on the miserable track - I would prefer the treadmill in that case too.

It is amazing the number of things supposedly intelligent people will blame on being overweight instead of actually evaluating the problem. I think that's why my mOm always asked her doctors if they got their licenses from Cracker Jack boxes :)

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TIFFANIE150 12/29/2011 11:23AM

    I just got done venting on my blog, too. It helps, I think, to see how you truly feel about things. I like that you said you keep getting up and trying again.

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 12/29/2011 11:11AM

    Vent it out girl. If it makes you feel better I made two individual potato casseroles (I didn't have a dish that fit two) and thought I might have someone over for dinner, but since they didn't happen, I ate them both over the course of the last two days. All while I was going to start eating clean and cut back on some of the carbs/starch that I love.


It happens.

Today is a new day.

Your 5 minute walk sounds like the perfect break for you. You will prevail over this injury. I just know it.

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DETERMINED_SOUL 12/29/2011 10:47AM

    emoticonYou can do this! Life throws it's curve balls and as long as we keep trudging a long, every thing we dream will come true! emoticon

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ERIN1128 12/29/2011 10:44AM

    Hang in there, you can do this! I think squeezing in little walks is a great idea - all those minutes do add up. You're at a tough place right now, but you are strong and you'll get through it, I promise!

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Just 4 Days Left...

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

...of 2011! Can you believe it?!

I popped on here today not to tell you about the disappointing visit I had with the Chiro (he has no clue, but is trying a few different things - one of which is putting me on potassium supplements and asking me to just walk for a while) and how it makes me feel. But, you all already know (if you've been paying any attention at all) how I feel about that, so we won't even go there. (I'm to see how I feel and call him when I need him. He spoke some scary words about possible MRIs and injections and such and I cried like a baby and apologized for doing so. blah-dee-blah-blah...)

What I came on here to do was to bring you a report on my new food processor. Two words -- LOVE IT!

Yesterday alone I made homemade peanut butter (going to make almond butter next!) and used it to chop the onions and carrots and mash the beans for my Cassoulet. Couldn't be happier! The peanut butter is SO good. I added a little honey so it's a touch sweet, just like they make it up in Amish country. I tried to figure out the calorie count using the Spark generator and it's hard to gauge considering I'm not quite sure how many servings I have there. I used about 2 cups of peanuts and have a good bit of peanut butter from I guessed around 24 servings and got a totally happy figure back. We'll have to wait it out and see, though. Maybe I'll try to guess a little better when I get home and have it in front of me. Either way, slapping a bit of that on my 1/2 a bagel this morning was pure bliss next to my fresh ground coffee. NOM!

I've been eager to cook again with all my new toys. (I also got a new sharp knife - which was great for cutting the pork last night...was like cutting butter almost! and a huge cutting board! YAY!) I'm finding recipes I like or making them up as I go along and then I'll adapt them to suit our nutirional needs. This week I just kinda went with the recipe as is, and then I'll rework it next time.

Last night was the ever famous Cassoulet. My family LOVES this dish and it's seriously packed with yummy, hearty goodness.

*note to self - buy more Herbs de Provence

This morning, I stuck in the crockpot the frozen meatballs I made with Ethan last night. Didn't take too long to make, really, so that was nice. Was also nice that I could make one part one night (the meatballs), and then put it together the next day - cuts down on prep time.

(I'd show you a picture of our meatballs, but my email is being wonky right now.)

*I've checked the nutritional information for these. The only adjustment I made last night was to use wheat flour instead of white to coat them before popping them in the freezer. Each person will get 4 meatballs for about 324 calories, 21.6 g of fat tonight. That's a LITTLE high considering we'll be sticking them on our I need to adjust a bit. If they turn out good, I'll try lean ground turkey next time and cut down A LOT on the calories and fat.

Here's the recipe for those:

Tomorrow night we'll be having Pulled Pork Sandwiches. Now, let me preface this by saying that I have ALWAYS hated barbeque sauce. That may be somewhat un-American of me (and thank goodness I don't live somewhere like Texas!) but I just never liked the flavor. At least it's kept me away from things like wings and pulled pork before... but this week... well, it's another test for us.

Couponer that I am, I can't miss great deals. One of my great finds was barbeque sauce for around 50 cents a bottle. So I've had two of those sitting on the stockpile for a while now. Pork was on sale this week so... yeah, here we go! The Bull's-Eye website (the BBQ sauce I got) has a recipe for something just like I was about to try to make, so I'll be adapting part of that. This one will be a bit of an experiment for all I'll have to let you know how it goes.

Friday we'll be having Chicken Parmesan - which I expect to be nothing less than amazing. It's a little high cal, so we'll have to see next time where I can cut back...we'll also have to see how filling it is. If I eat less chicken, I can make smaller portions and thus lower the calories without altering a thing. We shall see.

It's another slow cooker you go:

And.... *bangs cymbals* ...just what is our festive meal to round out this year on Saturday?




Look, I went to the store a few weeks back and they had boxes of taco shells (name brand) marked down to 1.39 per box. On the box, was a coupon for $1 off any product by that company. Considering they last for like ever (we're not going to even think about how right now) stockpile now contains about 20 boxes of taco shells, which I got for .39 cents each. Thankfully, my entire family loves tacos, so this is a perfect fallback food. Whenever they have ground beef, chicken or turkey (I've used all, the boys don't care either way) on sale, we add in a taco night. This week, ground chuck was on special, so Taco Night it is. And it had to be Saturday because I needed a night when I had a little more time to cook it.

I'm looking forward to finding more great recipes for the family and adapting them to the healthy diet (or finding ones that are already just healthy). I'm always looking for new things to try and especially love having "themed" nights where we do (Americanized versions of) dishes from other countries/regions. We have our New Orleans night when we chow down on our Jambalaya (thinking of trying Gumbo too..though finding recipes for that is maddening...there are SO many versions!). We have Mexican night with our tacos. We do French night (and Mommy annoys everyone by answering their questions in French and asking them inane questions like "Quelle heure est-il?" and "Quel est votre nom? Je m'appelle Esther." (Yeah, gotta love that French minor...doing great things with that these days! *lol*)

What's your favorite dish to make? Got a recipe that is always in your/your family's rotation? SHARE PLEASE! (Especially if it uses a food processor at some point...because I like using my new toy! *lol*)


Tonight I'll be headed to the gym to have a walk date with myself. I've thought about maybe adding in some boxing too. Will give me some core work and make me sweat without being too over the top. Will have to see how I feel later. Other than that, doc says drink lots of water (I think he noticed the inflammation too...or as us girls feel - BLOATED!) On Monday I weighed in at a hefty 9 pounds higher than the day before. YIKES! The number stayed the same yesterday. (No time to weigh this morning though.) I can feel it too. Maybe it's the junk that's been finding it's way to my mouth lately, maybe it's the not working out thing, but either way, Momma's body is swollen like a fat mosquito. Lots of water and a bit of moving about should help that out.

The best news is that I didn't wake up this morning wanting to scream, like I have for the past, I don't know...MONTH. I'm feeling a BIT better...and I'll take a bit better over no better any day.

(And, for my own record, yes, I took my potassium supplement today. Also started taking a B Stress Complex hoping it will help the constant headaches I've been having.)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DARKFAERY 12/30/2011 9:42AM

    Those meatballs look fantastic!! I pinned the recipe so I can make them myself later. If you want to make different kinds of nut butters in your food processor, you should check out the Edible Perspective blog. If you go to her recipe page and scroll down, she has a whole section on nut butters. I've tried making some and they are delicious!!!

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TRACYZABELLE 12/29/2011 1:58AM

    New kitchen tools make me want to cook too!

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BTINTERNET 12/28/2011 1:46PM

    Great planning and hooray for the new kitchen gear!! (And hooray for cassoulet!!) I am starting to ponder meal planning so I'll toss up some recipes sometime soon.

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LUCYVT 12/28/2011 1:36PM

    emoticon plan

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 12/28/2011 11:17AM

    Love the meal plans! Switching to the ground turkey will definitely help cut back on calories and fat (in both meatballs and tacos).

Sorry to hear about the walking, I know how much you love running and Zumba, but hopefully a little break and you'll be good as new (fingers are crossed for you).

Glad you're enjoying your X-mas gifts. Have a great rest of the week!

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KKINNEA 12/28/2011 11:16AM

    Oh, now I'm hungry...the food processor sounds awesome, I may have to look into one of those. I'm also envisioning a mountain of taco shells, which made me laugh. If I could cook worth anything, I would share recipes with you.

Love the sound of the boxing along with your walk, especially since some of the pain is backing off!

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HOAGIE22 12/28/2011 10:29AM

  Git Er Dun!!!

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DETERMINED_SOUL 12/28/2011 10:25AM

    I love food processors! However, I learned the older ones are not quite the same as mine when I asked mom to borrow hers when I was there helping with Christmas dinner. She has one they got as a wedding gift, approximately 3 years before I was born. hehe. Times have definitely changed things.

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