Thursday, October 13, 2011
So, yeah...things have been crazy.
Ethan's football team is wrapping up their regular season. That means it's on to the quarter finals (and then maybe semi-finals and championships). We've...okay *I've* been pushing Ethan to give it everything he has. I have to say (and I don't want this to come off cocky, but here goes anyhow), it's nice to be able to use myself as an example of pushing through and becoming better every time you go out there.
Work has been crazy as well. I was informed last week that I would be taking on a major important case so I've been working my butt off like crazy on that. When I'm done with it, I've been informed I'll be taking on about 5 more cases in the hopes of finishing the investigations on them and completing them before the end of the year (if possible). Add to that the information I was given that I would be moving into a different office and, therefore, required in one day to pack up all my belongings and drag them across the office to the other end, and then on Tuesday until today (still not fully settled in, actually, but as best I can without wanting to shoot myself for having to live out of boxes), unpacking while focusing on this huge case. So, yeah, I've been crazy, stupid busy at work. (The good thing is that my office is probably 4 times the size of my old cubicle and it feels so much more grown up to be in here. Sorry, I guess us "grown ups" should say, "It feels much more professional" or something like that. ;)
As for my running? I've been doing it as often as I can. Last night I knew I was obligated to Ethan to take him to football practice. Problem was, I didn't know when I'd have time to work out. To solve the problem of only one me, I took him to football practice, then ran over to McDonald's and changed into my running gear, and then went for a run while practice started. I have to say, it was nice to have a bit of a change of scenery for once! When I was done with my run, I came back and watched the rest of practice. That being said, I missed my run on Monday. I was off that day, so I had an ENTIRE day to do it and I still didn't. Of course, I can't really fault myself considering I spent the better part of 4 hours cleaning and scrubbing my house like a mad woman. (Either way, calories were burned, baby!) Saturday I'm scheduled to do 4 miles. 1/4 mile walk warm-up, 3.5 miles running, 1/4 mile cool-down. I'm hoping I can get through it as last week's run was uber difficult with the foot pain (still lingering but I can't really do much about it...doesn't seem serious and has come/go for months) and now I'm having a bit of hip pain again. I'll play it by ear - I want to push myself, but I don't want to push myself over the edge and get seriously injured.
ST has been pretty non-existent lately. Of course, you could count the fact that I've been moving heavy boxes and cleaning and scrubbing and taking apart cubicle walls for the better part of a week, but I don't count that really. Last ST was during Friday's circuit training, which I hope to repeat again tomorrow. Still, I'm trying not to harp on myself too much over it because I've done something, even if it's just yoga on my "off" days every day since last Friday. I'm thinking starting a streak would be a great idea, so I'm marking my little calendar with stars every single day in October that I exercise. You don't know how much I want that thing basically full (other than the 2 days I missed last week. *sigh*).
Yoga's coming back into my routine. Much of my stretches from both the Chiro and the Physical Therapist involve variations of Yoga moves, so I figure it can't hurt to keep that balanced in. Stretching, I think, is going to be extremely important in maintaining both my running form and the form my PT and Chiro gave me through therapy. As Hubs would say, "If you don't use it, you lose it." So doing more yoga. I'm thinking of pulling it in on especially difficult days like today. My body is screaming for a rest day, but I still want my little star sticker, so as a compromise, I do 15-30 minutes of Yoga a day (even splitting it up into 10 or 15 minute increments) and then I get my sticker and my body gets stretching and some much needed rest from the more high-impact stuff I like to do so much.
Oh, yes. Food. I've been pretty consistent with packing my lunch lately. Today Ethan made me a sandwich and I'm having some Green Giant broccoli and cheese with it. Although I used to hate the idea of processed foods during my "healthy lifestyle" I'm realizing more and more that I have to give in on some things. I need the convenience of some prepared foods because I'm stretched too thin and burn out otherwise. I'll cook and eat homemade leftovers when I can, but when I'm in a bind, I'd much rather make myself a sandwich and have an apple and some frozen veggies for lunch than to order some fast food and feel guilty and icky all day. As for dinners...some days are better than others. Trying to make sure to stick to my calorie goals, but I'm not always meeting them the way I want to. Still, I just forgive myself and try again as soon as possible, questioning only what my reasoning was for overeating. This is a life lesson, y'all. I will never stop learning.
I haven't taken measurements lately, but I can say that I'm noticing some difference in how my lower body is shaping up. With the first 100 pounds, my upper body started to look more pleasing to me, but when I looked down I got sad again. Now, no doubt in large part to the running, my lower body is starting to make some notion like it's going to start the catch-up game. That would please me to no end because I've been in between sizes for so long and have wanted to punch someone because of it. So, I'll keep running and hope that these changes just keep happening (legs smaller, hips shrinking, tummy even looks like it's rising to it's proper place).
As for this guy? Yeah, it hates me...and I don't like it much right now either. Today I weighed in at 310.8. I was up on Sunday and changed my ticker accordingly. I used to think "I gained weight, I don't deserve the congrats when I lose it again the next week." But now I think, "Yep, I messed up, but I deserve every amount of congrats for Spark for pulling myself back on track!" I'll be honest with my ticker every single Sunday, good or bad. And I'll be honest with myself that it will come off when it's good and ready and when I'M good and ready to be consistent with my efforts. I can't blame anyone but myself for my missteps, and blaming doesn't really do all that much to help the situation. Instead, I'm reevaluating and moving on with a better outlook on the future. I may stumble, but I'll keep going.
So that's it basically. I'm still plugging away. Living a lot of it in my head right now. Trying not to seek out praise or consolation from others and trying to give it to myself when I need it. Trying to be honest with myself and help myself along the way. Yes, I did what I did so far because Spark was such an important part of keeping my focused (and the tools still are!), but one of these days it's going to be so extremely important for me to find within myself the power and drive to continue. I have GOT to stop competing with all of you and start competing with myself!
I read something the other day in a Runner's Magazine about running uphill and it struck me then. It said that you shouldn't push harder going uphill because you're just going to expend all that energy and have to slow down on the downhill more than you normally would. It said, "Focus on even effort, not even pace." It hit me then. Even Effort, Not Even Pace. Yes, I have amazing friends on here competing in triathlons and marathons and I admire them so much for it, but in the past I'd feel this twinge of guilt and jealousy that I wasn't where they were in my journey. I cannot run a marathon right now. Plain and simple impossible. I don't even know if I could WALK a marathon right now. What I do know, however, is that I put in the same amount of effort in my weekly runs that they do when they're training for their marathons. EVEN EFFORT, NOT EVEN PACE. I put in even effort maintaining a consistent 14-15 minute mile pace throughout the course of 1-2-or even 3 now! miles as they do running 9-10 minute mile pace for 20 miles. If you put us next to each other after our runs, we'd look like we'd both raced the same amount.
My thought process throughout this made me realize how much I compete with all of my wonderful friends on Spark. I'm competitive by nature, so it shouldn't be that surprising, but I had to question where that need came from to be as good or better. I realized that I didn't feel worthy of praise because my pace wasn't with theirs. I couldn't hear anything else from friends, family, etc. I wasn't good enough because they were "better." Yeah, I know...this is me, working on me.
Yeah, so that's where I've been lately. Please know that me withdrawing into myself is not because of anything any of you have done. Please know I think of you often on my runs and in life and talk about you to my husband so much I think he's going to shoot me when his eye rolling stops doing it for him. ;) And know that sometimes I'm still there, lurking. And know that, for those of you I know a little more personally who have my phone number, you are always welcome to use it. I'm a shy person by nature at first (yes, I know you don't believe that) but I always appreciate the support and love and consideration and will try to give it back in kind.
Okay, off to work some more on me (and this big case! EEP!).
Friday, October 07, 2011
...with my Nike Training application. I downloaded this months ago but I've been too...what's the word...oh, yeah, SCARED to try it. Well, since I missed my run yesterday I figured a good 30 minute circuit today could make up for it. And make up for it I did!
The app is great, so if y'all have an iPhone or iPod I would totally suggest looking into it. It gives you prompts, demos, etc. You set what your goal is (mine was Get Lean, of course) and then pick a workout (I picked Fighter Fit cuz that's what I needed to feel like today). It starts you with a warm-up jog and straight-leg kicks and then off you go. Jumps, lunges, side lunges, planks, pushups, etc. By 20 minutes in I was having difficulty walking. *lol* It even prompts stretches at the end so it's a full workout from beginning to end.
Of course 20 minutes in some woman walks into the gym, fit and fabulous at (i'm guessing) 50-something and puts in Chalean Go Extreme and turns to me and asks if I want to join her. *lol* If she'd walked in just moments before she would've seen me in my minute recovery sprawled out in a pool of sweat on the floor thinking, "I will NEVER move again!" *lol* I said "Thanks but I'm almost done" and she was sweet as ever telling me how wonderful I'd done. (This is the same woman who made it a point to come up to me in the gym after my disastrous 2-mile Firecracker Run and tell me how amazing she thought I was.)
I needed today.
1. CC said all is well. I won't see him again for 3 weeks and then a month after that to ensure we're still good to go. He tells me all the time how much my workouts inspire him.
2. I found Pumpkin Pie Spice creamer...finally!!!
3. I spent a whole 7 bucks at Rite-Aid and got: 6 CoverGirl concealers, 2 eyeshadows, and 2 face powders, 4 Gillette deoderants, and 2 bottles of Scope.
4. I got in a KILLER workout!
5. I came home and got in a wonderful tasty bowl of healthy Three-Bean Taco Soup. YUM!
Now off to my 2nd doc appointment (after my 2nd shower of the day, of course *lol*) and then football practice tonight for the boy.
Me and this program...well, I'm considering making it a weekly Friday thing. I feel amazing. I really feel like a Fighter again, and I haven't felt that great in SO long. Plus, with each workout you "unlock" another workout so it's kinda like a game too! :)
Sorry for my lack of communication lately. Between internet BS and then work being super crazy (all good stuff, I'm showing how reliable I can be and the higher ups are taking notice and putting me on very important things because, as they've actually written and said aloud, "We know we can trust you with this." Oh, and Tuesday when I go back to work, that trust manifests itself in a brand-spankin' new office. A real office with walls and a door and a ceiling! I never had a ceiling before (always in cubicles before)! :)
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Just wanted to give you all an update and reasoning why I haven't been here the past few days. First of all, things got a little crazy because we got an extra day off this week (yesterday) which always causes mass chaos in my head because my schedule changes and I have to adapt. It also meant I had to take off Friday because I would now be required to work it, and I already had two appointments scheduled for that day. So, yeah, wrapping my head around a simple change -- sounds simple...never is.
Anyhow, I didn't really have much of anything to report. My weight has been sticking in the 310-312 range and I can fully blame myself for that (too much sodium and fat the past couple days...and certainly too many calories on Monday night). I'm not fretting. It was one day, I've continued to workout even though I changed my schedule a bit, and I'm still pushing forward with my plan. I guess I felt I had nothing to report. I've been dealing with a bunch of other non-weight-related challenges that we've been facing as a family lately.
Friday's appointments will be:
1) My last appointment with the Chiro for a while. This gives me mixed emotions. I'll be glad to save the money, but scared because he's done so much good for me and I'm afraid to lose that!
2) My annual appointment with my doctor - which always freaks me out anyhow - but was brought on by my insurance company's not-so-subtle reminder that I've reached my 1 year mark with the Weight Management program. Too many thoughts running through my head on this one to count - fear, anxiety, depression, sadness, happiness, joy, pride...the list goes on and on. That means I only have 1 more year of them helping me out and keeping me honest, which poses even more emotions. Add to all of this the fact that I've been having a constant, steady cramp around my left side for months now and I'm just full of emotions and no way to express them.
So that's where I am right now. Can't say that I'm all bummed out, because I'm not. Some things bring me immense joy - like my triumphs in running. Some things make me angry and sad and scared and nervous and anxious, but others make me happy and proud and overjoyed. So I guess, for now, I just am. Doing what I've set out to do. And I guess I didn't want to report -- "SSDD!" -- because that's really ALL it's been. Oh, and then there's the whole issue with our internet/phone going down for the past 5 days or so. Yeah, fun. :/
Anyhow, I'm still around - just hard to comment using my tiny little phone. Miss you all! Football season for the little one is almost over so that should give me more time for Spark, and I think our internet might be resetting today or tomorrow...
Saturday, October 01, 2011
Weight 1st of September: 314.0
Weight Goal for October 1st: 308.0
Actual Weight for October 1st: 310.4
Total Weight Lost in September: 3.6 pounds!
So I was 2.4 pounds off my goal for the month, but that's alright. I got sick this week and still managed to squeak out a loss, so I'm happy with that. (Now I just need to get my energy and motivation amped up to get out there and 5k in the cold today.)
Total Weight Lost with SP: 105.8
Total Weight Lost Overall: 156.2
All in all, I think it was a good month. And two successful months in a row of actual losses on the scale means I'm working closer to my goal of getting consistent again.
What I did this month to make the magic happen:
- I did a 5k nearly every single Saturday in September. Something I plan to repeat in October.
- After several attempts, I finally ran 2 miles straight without stopping 2 Saturdays in a row!
- I started tracking honestly again and I'm keeping track of my net calorie deficits each day on a spreadsheet at work.
- I started making my calorie goals and sticking to them.
- I never, never, never gave up. I had bad days, but I didn't let them derail me completely.
- I kept to healthy meals at home and took my lunch to work instead of ordering out again.
Goals for October:
1. Stick to the 1600-1800 calorie range.
2. Make healthy meals at home.
3. Pack my lunches.
4. Plan ahead on what I'll eat for the week and try to stick to that. It keeps me on task.
5. Cardio schedule:
Monday - Easy Run
Tuesday - Zumba
Thursday - Speedwork Run
Saturday - 5k
6. When possible and able, stick in biking on Wednesdays and XT of some sort on Fridays.
7. Rest on Sundays. It's my one day to not worry so much about how many miles I'm putting in or how many cardio minutes I need for the week. Plus, it's been essential in my 5k Saturday recovery.
8. ST schedule:
Monday - ST at the gym or at work on break
Wednesday - ST at the gym or at work on break
Friday - ST at the gym or at work on break
I'm backing off from ST...I know, odd considering that I'm currently in a ST challenge, but for months this year I was unable to really do the cardio I wanted so I worked a lot on my ST and weight lifting in the gym to make up for it. In order to get myself cardio ready again, I need to back off on the hour-long lifting sessions at the gym. Doesn't mean I'll eliminate them completely, just that I'm focusing on getting my balance back. ST is STILL important though. It helps my running game, helps make me strong and keeps those healthy muscles burning the icky fat. ;)
9. Drink my water!! This is always so important and with the cold temps coming it's been noted that the body thirsts less and less for water, making it harder for those of us trying to be consistent with our water drinking to keep on task.
10. Do my CC stretches! I've been consistently doing most of these following each run but I should be doing them every single day. Have GOT to carve out time to do that every day.
11. My running goal - 3.1 miles straight. That's my goal for the month...to work my way to being able to run a full 5k without stopping. I've gotten to just over 2 miles so I have 5 Saturdays to add that extra mile to my running. I fully believe that if I stick to my schedule and am nice to my body, I'll be able to get there and will finally reach a goal I've had for an entire year. It was last October when I ran part of 2 5ks in a week and started considering whether or not I could run a full 5k one day. Injuries and problems with my back/hip/pelvis sidelined me for a while, but I'm working slow and steady still toward that goal. CC commented on how great a job I'm doing increasing slowly and working toward these goals and he's 100% on board with my plan for the month.
Weight Goal for November 1st: 304.4
Total Loss Goal of: 6 pounds
If I hit this I'll be ahead of schedule of my main goal right now of being at 298 by the end of the year/Christmas. (My secret goal, because you know I always have them, is to be under 300 by Thanksgiving.)
Finally, I took my measurements again today. Nothing too amazing to report other than a .25 inch loss on my waist and a 2 inch loss on my hips. See, running does have its benefits! ;) Maybe by the end of the year I'll be in a new size of pants too and will see those size 22s I have stashed away finally fitting me (or at least getting really close!).
Deuceland Goal Update:
12.4 pounds to go
53 days left to achieve it
Just a couple ounces a day and I'll be there...totally doable!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
...the plague! I swear I have no clue what was with me Monday and Tuesday. All I know is that I could NOT get out of bed, and whenever I tried I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach. I spent 2 full days either in bed or on the couch. And instead of the tummy trouble causing me to not want to eat, the opposite occured and I wanted to eat everything in sight. And the fact that I felt like I was in a state of delirium did not help.
On Tuesday I attempted to get off the couch. My plan was to go for a light, easy walk or run. I thought it might make me feel better, as exercise usually snaps me out of it. Problem was I expended all my energy walking to the bathroom. Yep, you heard me right. By the time I walked down the hall - gripping the walls for support - I wanted to curl up into a ball on the bathroom floor. Instead, I tossed some clothes in the wash and collapsed on the couch again. Later, Hubs drove me to the store. I showered and got dressed and my energy was gone...just gone. I got through one errand before begging Hubs to take me back home. I even skipped out on watching Ethan at football practice because just the thought of sitting up for 2 hours made me want to lose my lunch.
From early Monday morning until about 6:30pm on Tuesday night I was useless. And, yes, I remember the exact time I sat up and didn't see the room spinning around me. By 8pm I was able to stand without feeling like I was going to fall over and I couldn't keep myself from cleaning up a bit. Twenty minutes into picking up what I was defenseless to stop the kids and Hubs from messing up during my two day delirium-soaked respite on the couch and I realized I had better just lay down and sleep some more to make sure I was healing up.
I finally made it to work yesterday. Things were touch and go for a bit. I had some dizzy spells, but nothing too severe. Just after arriving I felt hot and sweaty and had to sit down immediately and started regretting even taking the journey to work (I think the getting up, getting dressed, and driving here zapped my energy once again). The eating thing was still mysterious and annoying, and I finally had to give in to the notion that I was not, as I expected, stepping back into the gym that night. Instead, I survived the day, drove straight home, made too much food, which I ate, and helped my oldest with his homework before crashing in bed a little earlier than usual.
After waking up feeling much better today, I'm sure that was a good call. I could sit here and beat myself up over the fact that I haven't worked out since Saturday, but I'm not going to. I could yell at myself for eating like a crazy nutjob, but I won't do that either. Life happens. You go through the storm, you hold on for dear life and when you come through the other side you thank your lucky stars you survive and get back to the business at hand. That's life. And I'm alright with that. Does it mean I won't hit my October first goal? Probably. But October 1st is not the end/beginning of anything other than another month on the calendar. Each day is a new opportunity, so I'm just taking them as they come.
So that's where I've been the past few days. Sorry I was incommunicado but I didn't really even know which end was up or whether it was night or day. Glad to finally have a clear head again. And glad to be coming out of it with half a week left to adjust.
I spent last night (on the couch) readjusting my Spark goals. I gave myself until December 31, 2012 to reach my 230 goal. (I did have it set for July 4th of next year.) I also pulled back on some of my exercise goals, opting for cardio on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday with ST on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I need to back off a bit because I don't want to burn out and because Hubs mentioned last night that I'm too busy and he never sees me anymore.
Both of these changes, of course, increased my calorie limits, but I'm going to ignore that for now. Instead, I'm going to stay focused on staying near the 1600-1800 mark, because I know this has always been a good number for me. If I stick to it, I lose regularly. It's the same number set I chose when I was 466.6 pounds and just starting out and it worked then as well. If I dip closer to 1400, I've learned, I lose nothing. If I get over the 2,000's too much, the scale starts responding in the wrong way. So 1600-1800 is my sweet spot and that's where I'm sticking.
What's more, I'm going to refocus my efforts. I've actually considered resetting my goals to my first mini goal of reaching 298. (For those keeping track, this is the number the family and I have settled on for the under-300 celebration. I know why too. 299.9 can be a fluke, especially for me. 298, however, shows that I'm under 300 and have a TINY bit of wiggle room for fluctuations. There will be some sort of celebration when this number hits, but I'm not sure what yet.) The hope is to reach that by December 31st of this year so I can start 2012 in the 200's. Instead of resetting all my Spark goals, though, I've reset my Target Weight app so I can keep track of my goal there.
So, that's what I'm working toward.
298.0 by 12/31/11
That's 13 weeks.
Today I weighed in at 313.4, so I've got 15.4 pounds to go.
That's an average of 1.2 pounds a week and totally doable.
Going to shoot for a net calorie deficit each day of 1000 calories. (I've pulled out my net calorie excel spreadsheet that my girl SUGIRL gave me a while back and have been keeping track of each day there.)
Back on track. Tonight it's either Zumba or Speedwork or an Easy Run...maybe a combination of these. *shrug* Tomorrow I'm going to get some ST in at the gym, and then Saturday is my first October 5k and first attempt at running 3 miles straight.
Plans change. Things happen. Those who succeed are those who come out the other end, dust themselves off, and just keep going.
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