Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Yesterday at work went a little like this...
try not to fall asleep
wake up and realize you've been kinda out of it for about 15 minutes
look around for witnesses and discover none
stand up and decide you MUST find something to do
go for a break
come back and wonder what you could do
find a colleague doing something somewhat active and ask her what's up
realize she's moving stuff around
realize this activity will keep you awake
volunteer to help
along the way, realize that the supply room needs cleaning and organizing
jump in without asking if I'm allowed to
I was at it for at least an hour - cleaning, organizing, dragging heavy boxes back and forth, sorting through crap from the 70's (no lie). My supervisor walked by and looked at me funny, but didn't put up a fight. One of the women who spends most of the time in the supply room (which is also a huge file room for us) walked by and sent up a blessing and thanked us. The guy who mans the supply room seemed pleased (maybe because he didn't have to do it? our boss dropped by later and said, "I was going to have HIM to it." *lol*). I was proud I accomplished something beneficial for the staff AND kept myself awake. *lol* And today, I had to go back in and admire my handy work...it's PURDY! :)
As I'm running back and forth with boxes and random things to the trash, to the pile of stuff that needs to be shipped off to surplus, and back to the supply room, one of my coworkers said, "Well you're getting in your workout today."
Problem? I told myself there was NO excuse to skipping Zumba. NONE. Nada. Don't even THINK about it. So, yeah, I got an EXTRA workout in yesterday because I still went to Zumba.
1) I still love it.
2) It still hurts my back.
3) I feel stupid on some of the modifications I have to make and I have to force myself to stop the negative talk as soon as it starts.
4) It still hurts.
What I SHOULD have done next was go home and immediately ice...but I'm a wife and a mother and apparently the only person on the planet who is a part of my family and has any energy to accomplish any task that might benefit the family. *sigh* Went straight home, started on dinner, realized we were out of potatoes, got back in the car, ran back to town, grabbed potatoes (and buns for our "end of summer cookout" this weekend), headed back to the house, put the water on for the egg noodles, turned on Glee REALLY loud so I could at least HEAR the last 20 minutes or so, pulled the split chicken breast out of the crockpot, skimmed the pot for loose bones, pulled the chicken apart and put it back in the pot, cooked the noodles, took a 5 minute break while they cooked, then drained the noodles, put them in with the chicken mixture, nuked the mashed potatoes (yeah, I cheated and bought a pre-made container of taters...if I didn't we wouldn't eat until 10pm because I only have one pot for potatoes/pasta and I needed to make both), and served out servings for all three of us (Logan was out with his grandparents).
That's when I finally sat down. FINALLY.
I ate and had a huge cup of coffee (why the eff did I do that?) and a huge glass of water and then FINALLY iced my back...and my ankle...and my left knee...and my shoulders...and my back again. As I moved my ice pack around I started to realize I was more banged up than I had realized. Unfortunately icing didn't help that much and I was in a LOT of pain when I went to bed...so much so that I spent at least an hour or two whimpering and crying and trying everything I could to get comfortable to no avail. I think I finally passed out around 2am...and then Logan brilliantly set his clock wrong and woke me up at 5:20am this morning...a full HOUR before I needed to be up.
HUGE *FACEPALM* HERE
I have no lessons for you...other than the fact that I can't currently be around chocolate...effin' Halloween candy sales! (Don't worry...came in this morning and gave the majority of it away to coworkers. Only kept the bag of fun size plain M&Ms because I know Ethan will love being able to have those every once in a while.)
So...yeah...OW! *whimpers* I'm seriously wishing I had stayed home today and slept, but I knew I needed to stick to the schedule. I hope I make it through my short stint on the bike tonight! At least dinner will be quick and easy - my now famous Pad Thai Stir Fry involves putting pretty much everything in a pan, cooking, then stirring in the sauce and noodles and VOILA! Amazing! ;) (And because I thought ahead - the veggies I bought pre-cut...all except the mushrooms I'll throw in, so very little prep beyond soaking noodles and cutting mushrooms.)
EDIT: I can tell how tired I am just reading this back..it's just all thrown out there in a je ne sais quoi kinda way. *snort* Off to stand up and walk around and try not to fall asleep once again...
Monday, September 19, 2011
Yesterday my son's midget football team (full of 9-10 year olds) went up against another team that looked like they should at LEAST be in the 11-12 year old range. This kids were HUGE! Some of our kids top out at 60 pounds. They're small, but they're mighty. Our best runner is pretty tiny, but boy can his legs move! When he gets downfield and the kids behind him are out of reach, you just know he's gone and he'll be scoring some points. And he did that yesterday. Early in the first quarter, off he went, dodging blockers and in open field, defenders stretching out their arms but unable to get to him. In the endzone he went. Too bad it didn't count.
I wasn't disappointed with our team's performance yesterday. I was, however, disappointed with the refs, who decided that 30 yards backfield, where no action was taking place, where one of our kids got knocked down by a defender, somehow, in some weird way, that was a holding call against our team. They brought the boys back to try it again, and they didn't get their momentum or pride back the whole rest of the first 1/2. (Boo on those refs! It's the same ref that caused some problems in a couple of key games last year too. They'd already kicked one of the C team coaches (kids around 8 years old) off the field because he yelled at them...because they refused to call a penalty on the other team when one of their boys picked up one of our kids and slammed him on the ground into another kid. Uhm...excuse me?!)
Our boys fought hard, but with bad calls by the refs and a team that severly outmatched them, they just couldn't find their way over the hump. By the end of the first half, half of the sidelined players were seated on the bench (they rarely sit down) with their heads hung low...including my son, who was sitting right next to the first string quarterback, who had walked off the field when the refs continued to scream at him. (Stay out of it refs! If you wanna call something, call it. Otherwise, just stand there and officiate like you're supposed to!) The quarterback had tears streaming down his face, and my son, Mr. Sensitive who feels the pain and anger of those around him, was feeding into it. I could tell he was upset. I snuck up behind him, grabbed him on the shoulder and said in his ear, "Don't you DARE let your team think this is over! You have more than a half of game play yet. They haven't seen what you guys can really do yet! It's time to show them!!" He didn't want to snap out of his anger. I could see him look at me with that, "Yeah, whatever..." face. The quarterback turned to me and said, "I can't! They won't let me back in!" (He meant the coaches, who rightly benched him after he threw a fit on field and walked off the field, leaving his team behind.) I turned to the quarterback, a kid I just don't know (but I fight for this entire team, we all do...we may not know each others names well but we'll fight to the death for each other if it's us against them) and said, "It doesn't matter! You have a whole team out there still playing. Whether you're on the field or not you need to be rooting for your teammates!"
I started to walk away. I was afraid I hadn't done much good. Ethan was still glaring at me with this, "we CAN'T win this!" attitude and the quarterback slumped his head again. I turned back to Ethan and yelled, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't..." and walked away.
By the time I made it back to my seat, my son was no longer on the bench. He was back on the sideline, jumping up and down, cheering on his team. I guess I must've said something right. :)
It's been our football motto for him all year. He's had some trying times. They put him on second string defense even though he could totally hold his own on first string. He was replaced by a new kid who is about 20 pounds heavier and almost twice as tall as him. Not because of talent, because of size. That's why Ethan got booted from his spot. I told him that sometimes they don't play fair, and it just means you have to fight that much harder for it. That he needs to use every single practice and game to show him that he is a man they can count on to make the plays, to lead the defense, to hold his block and bring the linebackers through the line for sacks.
The first time we had this motivational talk, he fought against it. He felt he was being criticized, attacked, like I thought he didn't do anything right. It took a long conversation, some yelling, and finally some recognizing of each other's worth and feelings before he finally realized that I thought he was a GREAT football player, but I wanted to do my part to make him both a better player and a better person. That was my job as his mom, and I was following that onto the field as his number one supporter. I told him I could lie to him and say he was perfect, but then he'd know I was lying and he'd never get any better. He finally calmed down, turned to me and thanked me. (It was one of those life-changing parenting moments and I will never forget it.) During that same talk he had yelled at me, "But I can't beat him!" (meaning the kid who took his spot) I threw my hands up and said, "Well then you won't." He just stared at me, dumbfounded. I turned to him and said, "Someone very wise once said, 'Whether you think you can, or you think you can't...you're right.' And someone just as wise said something like, 'Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude...and nothing can help the man with the wrong one.'"
That "Whether you think you can or you think you can't" quote is one that Ethan has clung to. (Is it a little self-centered of me to think I see a lot of myself in his determined spirit?) So just popping those words back into his head, like my self-talk during my runs that keep me going when I just want to give up, got him out of his seat and back into the action. He was choosing to think he could.
The second half saw the release of a brand new team. They were fired up, energized, ready to fight back. They still had time to make it up, maybe. And even if they didn't, they were going to put up the fight of their lives trying. Within 2 plays I could see the balloon deflating again. And then the coaches pulled the brilliant move of putting in the second string defense. (See my big happy smiley face here? =D) I could see Ethan pumping up his teammates. I could see him encouraging them. And something magical happened...they stopped the very large, very abled offense of the other team. The same offense that had pounded first string weren't able to move a yard...they actually lost some! The second string defense was out there 2 plays and the other team needed a time out so the coaches could figure out what the heck had happened to their drive. *snickers*
Did my son's team win? NOPE. They still didn't score a single point (except those points early on that the refs took from them...BOOO!). But when Ethan came off the field with his head down, defeated, I looked at him and said, "Now you stop that. You KNOW you did amazing work out there." And the smile broke. Because it didn't matter that they didn't score. My son knew they had done everything they could to change their fate. I looked at another boy who looked like his chin was about to hit the ground and said, "I don't care what that silly scoreboard says, you guys fought HARD and you kept them out of the endzone. YOU are CHAMPIONS!"
As we walked off the field, I could hear similar talks from other parents to their kids. We couldn't fault our kids. They fought hard. It didn't mean a win, but they still fought...and they didn't stop until the ref said "game over." One kid argued about the crappy refs (seriously, some of the calls were ridiculous...example: one of our kids was on kickoff return team...the ball took some bounces coming toward him, and he could see an entire line of defenders headed for the ball, so he did exactly the right thing and landed on top of it on the ground. One of the defenders wrestled him on the ground, got the ball, and the refs yelled "FUMBLE"! Uhm, Huh? What rules of football are YOU playing with? He's down, completely down, on top of the ball...uhm, dude...you gots problems. The refs tried this all day, waiting a LONG time after our plays on offense to offer time for the defense to wrestle the ball out before blowing the whistle.) Anyhow, I digress...the kid tells his dad (who played football all through high school and is a high school coach, I think) that the refs weren't making good calls. His father struggled with words...and out my mouth popped, "It isn't always going to be fair...not in life, and not in football." His father latched on to that..."Yeah! Sometimes you have to play the refs too, and that just means you have to fight harder. That's what I did when I played!"
As for my son? I took him to Burger King and got him whatever he wanted (which turned out to be chicken tenders *lol*). His team didn't win, but HE did. He fought hard. He got 1 tackle and 2 assists. He got through that mean, big front line more times than I could count. I didn't have one foul word against his performance on the field because he played like a champion. So why didn't they win? Who cares! Maybe it's because the fight wasn't fair. Maybe it's because they allowed themselves to get wrapped up in the "can't" during that first end of the half. Maybe it's because the other team was bigger, stronger, and better coached. Maybe, even, our coaches waited too long to put in the second string defense (which, btw, at the majority of practice plays defense against 1st string offense...it only stands to reason why they understand defense better than the first string does!). Doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter what the scoreboard says, those kids won because they didn't let anyone take their pride and they never stopped fighting for it.
I learned a lot from my son this weekend. Sometimes I feed into it too..that discouragement from what the scoreboard (or, in my case, the scale) says. But that doesn't matter. The only way it wins is when I let it defeat me...when I let it keep me from continuing to fight for what I KNOW I can do. If I had given into the scale or my run stats so many months ago, I would've NEVER been able to run those 2 miles on Saturday. The only reason I got there was because I refused to stop trying. Hopefully our boys will get another crack at this team in the final rounds. Hopefully they'll have different refs too....but if our kids can go in with the right attitude, I really think they stand a chance of putting up a fight against these boys that are nearly twice their size. And until that day, if it ever comes, I will keep reminding Ethan what it felt like to fight when all the odds seemed against you. I will remind him how he was able to walk away from what seemed on paper to be a horrible loss with his head held high. He didn't give up. He didn't let his teammates give up. And while the scoreboard says they lost, they know in their hearts they overcame something on Saturday that's bigger than any scoreboard on any field in the world. That's something really worth cherishing!
I know our boys will remember this game, much like we remember the key game against a similar team (and the same bad ref) last year that our boys lost. That game, like this one, they walked out having lost, but not as losers.
I felt I needed to share this with all of you today because I'm thinking we could all learn a little something from a group of 9-10 year old boys. Don't go on scores, go on gut and glory and fight and determination to succeed. You might not win this round. You might give it your all and still lose the fight...but if you keep fighting until the whistle blows, you will NEVER be a loser. Fight like a champion, and you are one.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't...
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Weight Last Week: 317.2
Weight Goal for This Week: 315.2
Actual Weight This Week: 316.0
Loss/Gain: - 1.2 pounds
So last week was a rough week, and I was hoping this week was better. Well, I guess it was in the fact that I didn't gain any more. Still, I was hoping for more. Can't always get what you want, right?
So what happened?
Sunday - Went alright I guess. I do remember there was a trip to Wendy's that probably shouldn't have happened. :/
Monday - Went pretty well, I was feeling on task. I ate within my ranges and then did my ST and TRIED to run...which didn't work out so well.
Tuesday - Went alright. I ate pretty well, and got in a GREAT workout!
Wednesday - I had a bit of a meltdown and then ate some of my feelings. Not so great. I did force myself to get my bike workout in, so at least I got that little sticker on my calendar.
Thursday - Eating was a tiny bit better. I skipped my workout and took Logan to dinner at Bob Evans so I think I went over on calories a little bit.
Friday - I had every intention of getting back into the gym and finishing out my ST workouts for the week. Problem was that I got stuck on a project at home (building shelves for my stockpile, which required me to clean the kitchen and scrub the floors, etc.). I was at it for hours, cleaning so much I could feel it the next day. Does that count? Didn't eat so well, was still quite frustrated.
Saturday - I woke up and ran. It was a victory day. I went over my calories but I honestly can't fault myself because I will not diminish my accomplishment from yesterday. For the first time in my entire life I ran 2 miles straight without stopping. I ran a total of 2.25 miles in my Saturday 5k and felt amazing to finally have that one under my belt. And later I took the dog and the kids and Hubs up to the park for a walk and some fun in the fall chill. :)
What else should I have done better? I didn't get my water down so much every single day. That MUST improve. I also had Chinese last night for dinner so I'm sure that's adding some sodium to my body this morning. All in all, though, I cannot fault myself for the week I had. I worked hard. I worked out. I did a good job of working through the tough stuff. I knew when my body needed rest and I gave it that rest. And this week I'll keep plugging away at it. It's a new life, not a diet. I'm still making progress and getting stronger. (HELLO! Running 2 miles straight?! I know skinny, skinny people who can't do that!) So it wasn't a wash.
"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you'll find...you get what you need."
I can't explain how much I needed the lessons I learned this week about my emotional eating habits. I can't explain how much I needed yesterday's running victory. It's help building my confidence in myself again...and I NEED that.
So, goals for next week:
SUNDAY - Walk the dog. Clean. Laundry.
MONDAY - Legs ST and 1 Mile Run
TUESDAY - Push ST and Zumba
WEDNESDAY - 22 Minutes on the Bike
THURSDAY - Pull ST and Run
FRIDAY - Abs/Shoulders/Biceps ST and either a Circuit or something active at home
SATURDAY - 5k with 2 Miles Running straight again...maybe 2.25 straight if I can manage
Drink my water! No less than 32 ounces.
Eat healthy meals within my calorie ranges.
Pack my lunches.
Check the garden.
Meal plan for the week and STICK TO IT!
This week I'm feeling something pumpkin-y so if you've got great pumpkin recipes, send 'em over. I'm feeling fall, y'all! I'm also thinking another round of Stir Fry Pad Thai just because it's SOOO good and filling and healthy! :) Also have some split chicken breast in the fridge right now...gotta figure out what to make with that.
Weight Goal for next week: 314.0 pounds
Have a great week, y'all!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
...the tough get tougher.
I sure hope you've heard that phrase before. Yesterday was emotional. It wasn't health related, but that was part of it...it was life related.
My husband has been out of work (per se) for about 3 years. He fell when the banks fell because, well, he worked for a bank. He'd worked there for 10 years and for the past year or two of his employment he still worked there even though we lived a state away. He'd drive up for work for a few days, and then he'd drive back home for a couple days with us. He worked hard. He made it to Supervisor and worked on creating manuals and managing things and the whole 9-10 yards of the business world. And then the bottom fell out and they called him one day and told him not to bother coming back up because the department was getting laid off. He was one of the last to go, so he had that going for him, but still he had to go.
He worked for a long time trying to find work, but in this market and trying to find a technology job in a state that isn't known for technological advances, well, it was nearly impossible to find anything. He went on interviews he thought went well, but all we could sort out was that the supply/demand (something my 9 year old just learned about) was WAY off. So, while he continued to search, he made strides in doing his own thing online...and he was quite successful at it. He got to a point where he was making more at home than he had made in his 10 years at the bank. Life was good for a while. We bought a new car, we felt good about ourselves because we were finally getting ahead.
And then that fell apart too.
This morning I attended a work seminar on the book Who Moved My Cheese? And I guess that's why I've been thinking about this a lot lately. You see, I'm a Scurry (you'd have to read the book to get the reference, but he's the mouse who moves quickly to adapt to change). My husband? I think he might be a Haw...the Littleperson who takes a bit to learn to adapt to the change, but finally moves toward it. So it's been time for a change again and me, always scurrying, I have been desperately searching for more sources of income. Last night we had one of those hard talks where I poured my heart out and he tried to give all the right answers and I was still upset. It reminded me a lot of that scene in The Break-Up where Jen Aniston tells her man, "I want you to WANT to do the dishes." *lol*
So, yeah, it was a difficult day. And in some ways I gave in. I had a little trouble controlling my eating last night. I'd grab some food and then spend the first few bites questioning myself trying to figure out why I was eating. It finally stopped when I finally got it out to him. I yelled a little too much, but eventually I said what I needed to say and he listened and we were better by the time I went to bed.
But I learned something about myself last night. I learned that I can choose to give in or I can ask the hard questions, say my peace, stand up for myself, and then find a resolution. Guess which one is healthier? Letting things rot inside you is NEVER a good idea.
This whole weight loss journey has been a viciously emotional one for me. As I tell people all the time, it's more about the mental journey than the physical one. It's about learning how to like and love myself. It's learning to ask the tough questions about what I want to change about myself.
Today I said something aloud in our seminar. We were all going around with these "magic wands" and saying what we would change in our work or lives. Everyone was picking things personal like, "I want to be more forgiving." And then it gets to my turn and out of my mouth pops, "Since this wand is magic, mine is a little different. I think if there are things I want to change about myself then it's fully within my power to do that. I can change myself. What I can't change is other people. And if this wand is magic, that's what I'd do." I talked about changing the system of our state government so that we could reward those employees who work hard and do a good job (because it's hard to be ambitious and fight for the cause of the company while knowing that your efforts will NEVER be rewarded because whenever you do get a raise working for the state here, everyone gets one -- even the person in the cubicle next to you that doesn't work as hard as you do, doesn't search out opportunities to help the agency succeed. It's a level playing field, and I think that is one thing about state government that makes most of the employees hate their jobs and take that out on the public they're working for...sad, but true.)
I said this without really thinking, but after I thought about "Where did that come from?" I realized that my journey here has inspired that. I've learned that we have the power to change ourselves...the power to create who we want to be. I know that wishing for a smaller tummy won't get me one, but hours in the gym and taking care to track my calories and eat right and make good choices, all that effort over time can lead to the change I want. It takes more time than a "wish" would, of course, but it's inevitable...a wish ain't ever gonna happen!
The going got tough last night...I got emotional. I STILL did my 20 minutes on the bike. I STILL did my yoga stretches after. And I STILL asked the tough questions throughout my emotional eating outburst and made the situation better by even binging mindfully. (I think that's a HUGE step in emotional eating btw. We all want to skip ahead to just quitting cold turkey, but it usually doesn't work out that well. Sometimes we have to just be okay with being better at handling the situation than we were last time. Learning from our mistakes and all that and taking STEPS...baby steps...to improving ourselves.)
So I have one question for you. When the going gets tough, are you ready to fight? Are you ready to get tougher? Are you ready to create the change you want through hard work? Or are you going to just sit back and wish your worries away? Are you going to wish for change or are you going to make it happen?! You've all heard the joke about pooing in one hand and wishing in the other, right?! I guarantee that change will happen if you take the steps towards making it happen, and keep taking those steps unrelentlessly. But I also guarantee that no amount of wishing will ever get you what you want without action behind it. It's like a guy who hopes to win the lottery but never buys a ticket. If you don't play, you can't win.
Next time you think about skipping a workout or just throwing in the towel and eating that piece of cake...ask yourself, is this the change I'm hoping for and what steps am I taking RIGHT NOW to make them happen?
Fight for it.
And never stop fighting... Because another thing I've learned along the way? The fight is never over. The journey ends at your last breath...be glad you're still alive and keep fighting!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Last night I felt something I hadn't felt in a LONG time....good. Around lunchtime yesterday my mid-back started hurting. I did a few stretches, did the best I could to make it better, but as soon as I got the chiro, guess what part he focused in on? He asked me whether I'd every experienced that before. I told him that it's been happening off and on for as long as I can remember. Sometimes my back just gets tight and then it's sore. Don't tell CC but Hubs usually works it out for me if the pain gets too tight (he fancies himself a Chiro in training as his parents worked for a chiropractor for a long time and learned a few of the tricks...don't worry though, he's careful and doesn't do anything beyond what he knows - which is VERY little, but just enough to help me). Usually, I can ease the tension with stretches for a day or two. CC said that it's not the bones misaligned when it gets like that - it's muscle tension pulling on my spine. He asked if I do a lot of work over my head in workouts. "Some...not a LOT." It's just something else I'll have to look out for but didn't seem to be much to worry about it.
CC then moved to my hips, which didn't hurt as bad as it has been hurting for a week and a half when he pushed on it. He actually said my hips are looking better...and I knew I'd been feeling like it was getting better. By the time I left his office, I was feeling pretty darn good. This time the adjustments made me feel better rather than worse...kinda like on that first day. I really wanted to capitalize on the "feel good" feeling, so I headed straight to the gym for my ST session.
Before I left work yesterday I sat in my car and told myself (aloud...yes, I talk to myself sometimes...) "Okay, chiro, then ST, then you can do your cardio while dinner cooks, then off to the store." I was in for a long night and I didn't know how long I would make it, but I prioritized. ST first, because of the challenge. Home-cooked dinner next, because it's so easy to crap out on this! Then cardio fit in somewhere, because I do want to keep it up, but if I skipped Tuesday I could just make it up Wednesday (which I usually skip). Finally, groceries - because it could certainly wait until Wednesday night.
I got to the gym and something got into me. Not sure if it was the fact that I actually felt good and had little to no pain or soreness (that was probably it) or what it was, but I couldn't stop myself from running. I'd walk a lap, run a couple, then walk a couple, then do a set of pushups (my ST warmup move for the night). Then I'd head back out - walk a lap, run a couple, walk 1-2 more, then pushups again. Then I walk/ran/walked another round before heading downstairs for the rest of my ST. (You can see my log of what I did on yesterday's blog, which I updated.) By the time the decline crunches came around, I was back upstairs by the track, so I started my circuit again, subbing my crunches for the pushups. By the time I was rounding out the workout, I was starting to feel the drag of my feet signaling that my body was nearly out of muscle power (i.e. I was near "failure"), and that felt great! I pulled myself to a corner and did my yoga stretches (and nearly got whacked in the head by a stray racquetball (racquetball ball?)).
By the time I was leaving the gym, I was feeling a bit more Superheroine. I had accomplished two of my goals for the night already - cardio and ST were DONE! I went straight home and got dinner started and popped in the shower while it cooked. Hubs came home with Ethan, who was kept in the ENTIRE practice (see! he's getting SOMETHING right) without having to be put out to sub someone, and we ate dinner. (It didn't go as well as I wanted...this recipe needs tweaks!) Then we all piled in the car, coupons in hand, and spent the next hour or so getting $226 worth of groceries for $103. :)
(FYI - I need shelves! My stockpile has taken over the pantry and the table and under the table. *snort* MUST GET SHELVES!)
First of all, yes, you can diet and clip coupons and save money all at the same time. My haul included stuff that I can work into my healthy diet, and even included some things that people would consider "diet" food. I have like 8 boxes of Total, which is one of my favorite (and a healthy) cereal. I have 5 cartons of Almond Milk (my oldest has problems with lactose so I've been buying this for him to drink and use in his cereal anyhow). I got some Ritz munchables that are totally doable as a little snack, some granola bars, granola thins, 90 calorie Fiber One bars, and 2% milk cheese slices. Yes, there are cookies, and I snuck a couple last night, but only one package. And, yes, there are chicken nuggets, but I doubt these will last very long in my house because my youngest nearly peed his pants with glee when he realized they were on the list. *lol*
So, there ya go. Got it all done. And how do I feel today?
Sore! *lol* Of course. I'm going to need some stretching sessions today.
Also needed today? Lots of water.
Plus, I need to figure out what to do about lunch because stupid me thought our training seminar was today, but it's tomorrow...so I didn't bring my lunch and will have to either pull something out of my drawer or go get something. Sucks because I have a crapton of great, healthy, tasty leftovers in my fridge! *pouts*
Plan for the night?
Just 20-25 minutes on the bike. Tonight is supposed to be an easy night...sounds easy compared to what I normally do, right!? NO! 1) I'm not a HUGE fan of the bike. 2) My leg muscles are totally not used to the bike...last time I lasted 5 minutes and it HURT! 3) I have wimped out of this singular workout no less than 3 weeks in a row...and I've only been on this program for 3 weeks. *lol* I always seem to find something else more important to do than go to the gym on Wednesday nights for "Bike Night."
I know what you're thinking - don't do it if you hate it. Sorry, I have to. While I *hate* the stationary bike, I actually enjoy the real thing. I used to spend HOURS on my bike as a kid...I'd leave the house after school and wouldn't come back until the street lights came on at night. I got so good I could ride my bike without holding on to the handlebars. I remember how great it felt on that thing, and I want that feeling back. Problem is, I don't actually OWN a bike. For years I felt I was too fat to ride a bike (and I was). Last year I finally tried to ride on Hubs' bike and it HURT and was really hard. I tried it again some months and pounds down later, and it felt better. So, yeah, I was too fat to ride a bike...but I'm starting to think that might be changing and I think it would be great to be able to go for a bike ride with my kids and husband at the park. If it's anything like I remember, I'll lose track of time and be out there for hours really enjoying it. Still, I have this thing where I feel like I need to EARN a bike. Like I need to make sure I can physically handle it before I go spend the money on it - and that means training at the gym on the stupid stationary ones. (I think it's less about the bike and more about that feeling of being trapped and being inside. The best part about running and bike riding is feeling the wind and seeing all the colors of the world around you and moving through the world with purpose and function. I also hate the dreadmill for this very same reason. It's not a workout to me...it's recreation...so being in the gym doesn't work for me...)
So, yes, I do need to complete this workout. I need to get in the habit so when I do get my bike, when I'm finally brave enough to say, "I CAN ride a bike again," I'll be ready fitness wise to handle it. (I cannot tell you how ridiculous this sounds to me simply because of the phrase "It's just like riding a bike." I have a whole new set of thoughts about that phrase now...)
One final note...last night I pulled into the driveway and this was on the radio:
Comedown - Bush
ĎCause I donít wanna come back down from this cloud
Itís taken me all this time to find out what I need yeah
I donít wanna come back down from this cloud
Itís taken me all this all this time
Yeah, I sang my little heart out to that part (and teared up a little). I haven't felt this pain-free in SO long and it just felt so good to finally be there. I've been suffering from near constant pain of one variety or another since November of last year. That's nearly a YEAR of fighting through the pain and still managing to lose a few pounds in the process. I don't think I gave myself nearly enough credit because last night, finally, I remembered what it felt like to feel like I had more control of my body and to feel "normal" in a sense. I'm so scared it's going to be taken away again but, for now, I'm just using this time and enjoying it and hoping against hope that it sticks around for a VERY long time and allows me to fully blossom into the person I want to be and already am.
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