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I Have WINGS, Baby! And Very Sore Legs...

Thursday, August 18, 2011

See, I did something a little silly. In an effort yesterday to find some sort of ST routine to follow so I wouldn't give up/get lost and waste my time, right before leaving work I pulled up the bodybuilding.com website and clicked on a 12-week program for muscle building. That wasn't the stupid part (and I'm actually quite happy to be clicking on muscle building instead of fat burning...I want to feel like I'm building something, not tearing something apart right now...the fat loss will come with the muscle building, I'm sure of it!). I pulled up the first day's routine and decided THAT was what I was doing. No excuses, I would do it - all of it. That wasn't the stupid part either. The stupid part, because I know you were hoping I'd get to it eventually, was not realizing that it was a Leg workout...on the same day I wanted to get a run in. OOPS! *lol*

Whatever, no excuses right? I had already started my day with some ST in the form of:
15 regular pushup
15 squats
15 lunges on each leg
15 bicep curls on each arm
15 crunches
15 twist crunches

So, I get to the gym, change into my superheroine clothes, and get started.
First 15 freehand squat jumps to get me warmed up. Let me tell you, I've seen these things on the P90x program and I always thought "No effin' way, dude!" But I did them. All 2 sets of 15. And it felt crazy stupid powerful to conquer something right off the bat that I would've never done a year ago. So, I followed that with some more crazy stunts.

3 sets of 15 Plie Dumbbell Squats (weights: 15/25/35)
Not bad! The first time I've ever held a 35 pound dumbbell. I can't curl the things yet, but I can at least hold them and use them for my leg routines!

3 sets of 12-15 Narrow Stance Leg Press (weights: 270/290/290)
OMG, that hurt! I could feel the muscle on the inside of my left leg screaming at me already. I used to be able to leg press my weight..it's good to know I'm not that far from there still, though this was quite the struggle! (And I must say that this does not factor into play the actual weight of the plate of the machine, because I can't get a clear answer on how much it weighs. Now that I think of it, I may have been factoring that in before. Estimates range from 50 pounds - 200. I think they put it in the 200 range when they were walking me through the gym on day one but I'm not really sure about that. Either way, I realize now how bad@ss that was because my weight marks only count the weight I ADDED to the machine.)

3 sets of 12-15 Dumbbell Lunge (weights: 20/25/25)
Okay, now I was just getting cocky, and my legs were begging me to quit. I thought about giving in, about only doing 2 sets, or about cutting my reps short. But when I'd get to 8, I'd tell myself to go to 10, and when I got to 10, I'd tell myself to push for 12. Turns out I was able to make it to 12...any further and I would've fallen over though! *lol* My knee even popped on the second set, but it corrected itself and we moved on. (Don't worry, no pain in it today so it's fine...just something I will always live with. Much better now that I've got strong muscles supporting it though!!)

3 sets of 12-15 Stiff Legged Dumbbell Deadlift (weight: 15/25/35)
Somehow I'd recovered mostly from my lunges and was able to grab the 35 pound dumbbell again...but I nearly dropped it. I realized last night that if I'm going to lift this much, I'm going to need weightlifting gloves because the stupid things KILL my hands! I've got calluses already, which I just think is cute because it's proof of my workouts, but almost dropping a 35 pound dumbbell on your foot is not cute. Going to look in to gloves. (It isn't that I can't hold them, but that the grooves on the handles irritate me and I instinctively want to drop the stupid things, so I loosen my grip so it doesn't dig into my hand so much and suddenly I'm in danger of a broken foot!)

3 sets of 12-15 Lying Leg Curls (weights: 50/70/80)
OMG the cramping was starting. I've always hated this machine, but somehow I surprised myself with the weight I was able to handle. I guess since I started running I've started building up those leg muscles without even really realizing it. Here I was worried only about speed and distance, when I should've realized all the good it was doing for my legs. I did start running because I loved the idea of having "runner's legs" (and hated how mine look). I'm liking more how my legs look and I know they're a work in progress. With these exercises as well as the running, I should be rocking skirts feeling much more sure of myself in no time!

3 sets of 15-20 Standing Calf Raises holding dumbbells (weights: 15/20/25)
Well, first off, I messed up and didn't realize I was supposed to be doing 20 until the third set. Oops! Second of all - OMFG! Every calf raise my muscles would contract so fast it scared the crap out of me. I just giggled it off, but I could tell I'd pushed my legs to their near breaking point...and that felt good because it's been getting difficult to challenge my legs. Lately I've been doing things that I can feel in my legs, like the biking I did the other day, and then this workout, and I just keep reminding myself that this will only help to make my running stronger (and my legs SEXAY!).

And then what did I do after 50 minutes of craziness? I walked outside and (tried) to walk/run. HA! Walking was a challenge! My legs kept wanting to give out or quit. I told them to chill, that we needed to stretch them out anyhow, loosen them up after that hard ST workout. And they listened...mostly. I set out to do 20 minutes. I'd backed off already from 15 minutes running (my original goal) to 10 minutes....I completed 5 minutes running. *lol* I swear I was sure if I went any more I'd fall flat on my face on the concrete. So...5 minute warm-up walk, 5 minute SLOOOOOOW run, 5 minute cool down and then I stretched it out a bit. (*lol* I tried to bend over to stretch out like I always do following a run and I almost fell flat on my face. I laughed so hard. I don't remember the last time I felt quite this worn out. I worried I wouldn't be able to walk the next day and then laughed at how funny that was. I don't know why I was laughing...I guess to keep from crying....)

So, yes, this Superheroine kicked that little monster "You Can't" out of her head last night...and I'm going to keep fighting him. It's also funny to me that right before I got to the gym Gorillaz's Clint Eastwood came on my iPhone in the car and I started thinking about how "I got sunshine in a bag" was talking about my gym bag and "I'm useless, but not for long" was talking about my upcoming workout and "My future is comin' on" was talking about how this one workout could change my momentum. I feel different today. Not completely changed, but happy and proud of myself again...finally! I haven't felt pride in myself in a LOOOONG time. Suddenly the little slip ups don't mean as much to me, because I worked myself HARD yesterday and I survived it with a smile.

Want to see what a Superheroine looks like after kicking her own rear end crazy stupid?

PROUD!

Tonight, it's Zumba class. I haven't been in a while and I'm scared my legs won't hold out, but I'll be there, smiling, laughing, falling on my face if I have to, just reminding myself of what I've got in me and how I don't really NEED anyone, even though it's nice to have them around, cuz I got all the weapons I need...right here!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELWENDYMAMA 8/24/2011 12:31AM

    Not sure why I haven't been seeing your blogs in my friend feed. Do I have to subscribe to them? You're doing super amazing, Callikia!

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TIGGERFAN01 8/19/2011 3:58PM

    You are Awesome!

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YOOVIE 8/19/2011 2:42PM

    gunsssssssssssssssssss!!!!

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KHAYSHENZ 8/19/2011 1:31PM

    Great job!!!!

More muscles = more fat burning machines when you're body is at rest. Plus, if you wanna burn more calories DURING weight lifting sessions - less weights, more reps!

Now that you're into muscle building - don't forget about supplements especially PROTEIN - whey protein. Aids in muscle re-building (post workout).

emoticon

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RUSSELLORAMA 8/18/2011 11:18PM

    Woot!!!! You are super strong!

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GOGOSHIRE 8/18/2011 7:07PM

    I feel like it's ok that I skipped my workout today b/c you did enough yesterday for BOTH OF US!

So glad to hear you going for it, E! This was great!

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_DASH_ 8/18/2011 2:52PM

    GET IT GIRL!!!! you rocked it last night! rock it out today and take us straight through into the freakin weekend baby!!

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KARENDEE4 8/18/2011 11:38AM

    Way to go Superheroine

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SASXONTHEMOVE 8/18/2011 11:33AM

    Lookit those weapons!! GUNS, I tell ya!

I'm very proud of you, too, E. That was some workout you did last night. Add in the fact that you are now feeling amazing, makes it a fantastic workout! YAY YOU!

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MEGSFITNESS 8/18/2011 11:06AM

    You look fabulous :) That workout sounds amazing :D

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XTMONT 8/18/2011 10:53AM

    I love it! Superheroine clothes! Ha!

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PHEFEY 8/18/2011 10:28AM

    You sure did a lot! Awesomeness!!!

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MZMELISSA2007 8/18/2011 9:55AM

    emoticon

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 8/18/2011 9:52AM

    You are emoticon.

As you were.

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BAYBELIEVER 8/18/2011 9:42AM

    That's quite a workout! And that's coming from a fellow ST/lifter! But, it beats us up to help us realize all those things we still think we can't do, well, sometimes we just can! Keep on "can"-ing!!

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MERAINA 8/18/2011 9:41AM

    YOU HAVE unleashed the Superhero!
WTG!

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RICEOWL86 8/18/2011 9:37AM

    Great oost! I kept scrolling down thinking, "This is the last exercise." And then there would be another exercise, you just kept going and going! I enjoyed reading about your ST adventure, keep on going!

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SPUNKYJOY77 8/18/2011 9:33AM

    You go girl! emoticon

I left you a note on 8/17 blog. Please take time to read it. Still praying. Teresa

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KKINNEA 8/18/2011 9:32AM

    Amazing! You have gone where I have feared to - strength training my legs and running on the same day. Since you've proven it can be done, I gotta get out of the coward's corner and just do it!

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MAMADWARF 8/18/2011 9:30AM

    Love the positivity, woman!!!!

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I AM a Superhero!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

So...truth time.

Lately I feel like the world is crashing down around me. Like nothing I can do or have done is good enough. I'm not where I thought I would be. I feel stuck. Not just in weight loss, but in life. The world is on my shoulders. I am the sole supporter of my family both emotionally and financially. And as much as Hubs is trying to be supportive of me, it doesn't feel like enough. I feel like I'm losing a cause that was already lost 30 years ago, the day I was born without a father around.

Friendships died. That's what happened in 2011 so far. People I thought were there for me, faltered and fell. They shattered my dreams of what a true friendship could be and I learned that I rely too much upon what they want, what they think, what they need, and when they didn't give it back in as much as I gave it out, I fell apart and felt abused. It's not their fault. I gave too much of myself, leaving none for me. I should've held back and protected myself. It's not what we're raised to believe, but I'm learning that *I* am the only one I can rely upon. When I was young I was told that friends would be there when you needed them, but they aren't, they can't be...they have their own crap to deal with. It's hard to let go of the thought of having someone in my corner and facing the fact that I'm in this alone. But I am a grown @ss woman, so it's time to start acting like one.

And, yes, I've had to fight tooth and nail to get to where I am. And, no, I don't ever think it's good enough. I apply for jobs I'm never considered for, but that isn't exactly always a reflection of me or my work ethic or ability. Sometimes it just means someone bigger, better, with more accolades was in the running. More often then not, it means that someone who knows someone was in the running...and I'm learning more and more that it's all about who you know. I know, however, that my work product is good. I've excelled where I am. I have my own supervisors coming to me asking for my advice. If I work hard and do what I know I can, I'm the one who people stand behind, point at and say, "She knows what she's doing." I know I can make that happen...and I know if I keep pushing against the door one day, someday, it just HAS to give.

I can be who I want to be, but I have to rely on ME to get there.
I have to become my own superhero.
Baby steps work for some, but I have to go for the grand gesture.
I have to fight to prove to myself that I can be my own superhero.
I can hold up the world and make dinner for a family of four that is balanced and healthy, all at the same time. I've done it before, I can do it again.
I can work 1, 2, or even 3 jobs if necessary.
I can make it work because I have the strength and power and determination and drive...I just have to remind myself of that.

For the next few weeks, I'm going to remind myself of that by using all the gym's weightlifting equipment. Nothing makes me feel stronger than seeing muscles become defined, even when the fat is hanging off them. People look at my arms with a strange look because, yes, I have a lot of fat there, but as I lift my arms to hug my children, make dinner, mow the lawn, lift 45 pounds over my head, you see the muscles too. They're there, and I can define them as a reminder to myself and others that I am strong.

Who cares what everyone else thinks? When push comes to shove, they won't be there to catch me. I'll fall, hard, right on my face. And only *I* can pull myself back up, dust myself off, and keep going. It's a testament to how I started life - alone. I came out alone. So did you! We fought and crawled and swam our way out. We spent 9 months developing bodies, doing what needed to be done without someone holding our hands and telling us we could. And then, when we were ready, we fought our way out into the world. And somehow we made it through school alone. No one helped us pass the tests. No one was there feeding answers into our heads. We did it alone. And we will continue to do it alone. It's nice to have the support of others, but I can NOT think they could do it for me. Impossible! I have to be my own superhero and save my own life.

I get it now...again.
And I'm fighting to get it back.
I can. And I will.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RONOSOF 8/19/2011 8:08PM

    Yes, you are!

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JUNIE33 8/19/2011 6:22PM

    I, too, have some interesting revelations recently about people and who I thought they were and how I thought they would be there for me.
I think on some levels that we truly want to believe "promises" that people make to us. I know for me it has helped me cope to think everything was going to be all right because I had so-in-so watching my back.
More recently I have seen that believing someone or something outside of myself is not a very good plan. My belief that I had someone on my side has led me to go the extra distance for them. And sometimes this decision has detracted from what I am suppose to be doing for myself.
Relating and relationships can be so powerful. Hopefully, they are also healing.

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GAILSQUEST 8/19/2011 5:38PM

    Yes,you are a SuperHero! emoticon

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 8/19/2011 4:33PM

    I learned in the last few years that what does not kill us only makes us STONGER.....Don't give up as you are a Super Hero for sure!!

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YOOVIE 8/19/2011 2:43PM

    WORD

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 8/17/2011 4:08PM

    You are strong and amazing. You have a heavy burden on your shoulders right now, but I'll always be in your corner. If you don't see me right away, just yell for help, and I promise I'll do what I can.

I have a cookbook that might be awesome for you right now... I'll find it when I get home (post-it not on my planner).

Tomorrow is ST upper body for me if you want to virtually join me in the weight room

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BRIAEL 8/17/2011 2:32PM

    I may not be a "friend" in real life and I may not give you enough feedback, but I am most definitely an admirer of your spirit.

There are maybe half a dozen blogs that I can't wait to read when I get the email notification through. Yours is one of them.

You seem so real, so current, so genuine. I'm out here rooting for you. :)

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KKINNEA 8/17/2011 12:24PM

    emoticon

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COCOMAC7 8/17/2011 12:16PM

    I too had some VERY disapointing moments in friendship this past year. I've learned that people I thought were my friends are better thought of as acquintances. I learned that I'm more loyal than any other person I know and I have to let it go when people don't respond the way I want them too. I'm learning to not take everything so personally but also to put less emphasis on my self-worth based on what others think about me. It's been a hard lesson (with many tears). I'm getting there though!

You have a beautiful soul and you ARE a superhero. You motivate so many people on Spark. I'm sorry that you don't get to see that daily IRL.



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GOGOSHIRE 8/17/2011 12:02PM

    You are a superhero. Sorry it's been so rough for you lately. I am here for you. xo

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ERIN1128 8/17/2011 11:39AM

    Love your self pep talk! All true...you've got to believe in yourself.

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KHAYSHENZ 8/17/2011 11:22AM

    Don't let anybody get you down!!!

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RUSSELLORAMA 8/17/2011 11:13AM

    It's awesome when friends and family can be there for us, but we definitely have to develop the strength to get by on our own when necessary. You are super strong!



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ERIN4771 8/17/2011 10:08AM

    it never ceases to amaze me how much you put yourself out there my friend, even when you are not having the best day, you find a way to pick yourself back up...that is definitely superhero material in my book! keep fighting the good fight, and you never know, new friendships may be just around the corner!!

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FITMARY 8/17/2011 9:54AM

    This sounds very familiar to me. Good for you for forging your own path! It's lonely out in front, but the view is better! Hang in there and enjoy what support you do have. It's all good!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SWEETPQTE 8/17/2011 9:38AM

    I have been there, through the lost friendships, through the crap of corporate America (you get by with WHO you know, not WHAT you know)

But you have a great attitude and just keep re reading what you wrote and you can keep it in mind.

Good luck. Your virtual friends are always here for you !

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DONNYBELLE 8/17/2011 9:33AM

    L.O.V.E. this blog.
I'm in a similar place- realizing that the only person who will truly pull me out of any and everything is myself.
and yeah, lifting and feeling/seeing muscles almost takes all that inner strength you have and forces it to the top layers of your flesh---kinda like our personal badge of strength. love it.
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MICHELLESMILES_ 8/17/2011 8:29AM

    I've always admired you since day 1 of my journey! You are strong minded and you can do anything!!



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GSWINNIE 8/17/2011 8:10AM

    You can do anything you set your mind to. Screw those so called "friends". You ROCK!

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EL-E-E 8/17/2011 7:57AM

    I'm sorry your friends have let you down, but I like this pep talk!! emoticon

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Weekend Update and Weekly Plan

Monday, August 15, 2011

So this weekend was....eventful, I guess. I was so pumped on Friday and ready to take on the world. So I got on my running gear and headed to the gym. I did a short run on the treadmill, trying to baby my back a bit, but it wasn't really hurting while I was running, so that was good. I then tried to take the fitness test on the upright stationary bike at the gym, except, I got a little flustered at the end while taking my heartrate after the five minutes. *lol* Still, it was a heck of a workout in 5 minutes! My legs were so sore with the running + biking and it was good to feel like my body was being challenged again. I think I might add in some bike training here and there, maybe one day a week to start. In between my cardio, I squeezed in some ST moves. Nothing over the top, but I got in some pushups and walking lunges. By the time I left I'd put in at least 30 minutes and felt like I'd pushed myself a bit, so I was good with that, especially considering I planned to go home and get started immediately on the lawn.

Which I did. I mowed half the lawn before the gas ran out and I had to refill the tank, and that's where all Hades broke loose. While filling the tank, the stupid thing overflowed and before I knew what was happening it was splashing up on me, into my face. My eyes and nose and skin started burning and I started screaming. I won't draw this out. I'm fine. We called the MIL, who is the master of home remedies, and she said to wash my eye out with milk. Hubs helped me as I was already washing my face, hands, eye and nose with water and we doused my face in a milk bath of sorts. Within moments, the burning stopped. Crazy, right!? After it stopped burning, Hubs and Ethan both offered to finish the lawn, but I wasn't having it. I couldn't let anything stop me. I had to see it through. And I did. I finished. And it felt amazing to come back so quickly and do what I set out to do, so when I took a rest after that, I felt like I had really earned it.

Friday night was football practice. Saturday was Ethan's scrimmage, which meant 4 hours on the field while they played and tested positions and Ethan was pulled on and off the field and there were no scores. I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself. I had a bit of a problem staying seated during the scrimmage. I was restless and ended up getting my workout in by walking from the car to the field about 4 times, and then walking around the field here and there, following the team down the field, moving a good majority of the time. By Sunday, my legs were DONE! *lol* Saturday night we went to the drive-in - it's the oldest drive-in in WV that is still operational. Takes us a little over an hour to get there, but it's a great fun night and super cheap, so we think it's worth it. (BTW - it takes us about 45 minutes to get to the 2 main movie theatres either north or south of us, so this isn't much farther and it's MUCH cheaper!) Watched HP7-2 (again for me and the boys, first time for Hubs who actually gave a thumbs up for it) and then Green Lantern. Not a bad night overall, but not so stellar on the food front. And then Sunday? Lazy day as much as possible. We did hit the grocery store, but that was it. Felt good to relax a bit.

So that's my weekend in a nutshell. Things are about to get crazy again. In addition to Ethan's football practice and games every weekend, Logan is starting Middle School. They called us yesterday and I think they were talking about an orientation for students and parents tomorrow, so I need to call and confirm that. (It was an automated message and Hubs got it but he missed some of the details.) Football, school, work, and workouts. It's back to the grind. Even more important that I have detailed plans for each week!

This week's meals include:
* Vegetarian Chili
* Stuffed Eggplant
* Zucchini Parmesan
* Chicken Tacos

This week's workouts include:

- Monday: Run and ST
- Tuesday: Zumba (unless we have orientation, I need a backup plan!)
- Wednesday: Run and ST
- Thursday: Zumba
- Friday: XT and ST
- Saturday: Long Distance Run (Going to try for 2 straight miles running)
- Sunday: Rest Day

I also have my chiropractor appointment on Friday, so I'm super nervous, anxious, excited, and scared about that. The whole thought of it both thrills me and terrifies me, so we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Again, I think orientation might be tomorrow night. If that's the case, I'll have to squeeze something in some other time during that day or simply call it a rest night (which will likely happen, unless I get really eager).

And I know that 2 miles doesn't seem that long to anyone else, but I've topped out at being able to run a straight 1 1/2 miles without stopping. I NEED that 2 miles, so that's my main goal for Saturday. As far as my other runs...I try to make them easy. I do speed work and intervals sometimes. It's not a strict schedule, and that might have to change as time goes on, but right now I'm nursing a sore back and trying not to burn out. I still love running, and I really want to keep it that way. Hoping with the heat backing off again I might be able to love it even more because I now understand why people call it the "dreadmill". I have more drive and will and desire to run with I'm running on the road, through the trees, anywhere outside. Each step on the treadmill has me watching the clock, while outside I get lost in the scenery and the moment. There's something magical about that...

So that's the plan. And in addition to that plan is the plan that I get up every morning and start again. Each day is another chance to reach the goals I set:
1) Drink water
2) Stay within your ranges
3) Keep moving
4) Keep running
5) ST 3 times a week!

What kind of plans do you have this week? For the parents out there - do you find it more difficult to stick to your plans/schedule when school starts? I actually can't wait for the regularity of it because it puts me in that regular mindset of scheduling again. Summer is so crazy with all its randomness. I'm ready for a plan, a calendar and a schedule again! I thrive on to-do lists and scheduled appointments! *lol*

Have a good week!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIQUEY73 8/15/2011 7:25PM

    Hey 1 mile is a long way for me so I think 2 miles is stellar! You can do it!

I too am looking forward to the "regularity" of school. You're not the only one who needs the scheduling. emoticon

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GOGOSHIRE 8/15/2011 6:53PM

    Sounds like a very good weekend, and I love the 2 mile go! Excellent!

My week plans are kicking into high gear again and try to get 28-30 fitness hours between today and Sunday versus the last two weeks of 16-20 fitness hours. School starts in two weeks, so I want to go balls to the wall and just do everything absolutely possible before my life in front of the computer for 8 hrs a day resumes.... xo

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XTMONT 8/15/2011 12:58PM

    Two miles is doable! You can do it!

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ERIN1128 8/15/2011 11:58AM

    SO true about the "regular" schedule of school! We've been doing different summer day camps this year, and the one last week was a real pain - ended at 4pm every day, oh-so-convenient for those of us who work full-time! But we don't start till Sept. 6th. I always kind of think of September as the "start" of the year, know what I mean?

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SARAWALKS 8/15/2011 11:04AM

    Do you know how much I would LOVE to be able to run 1.5 miles without walking any of it? I'm still working on getting to a mile! So don't feel bad, chica! but keep pushing those goals and I'm so glad the gym was good!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KKINNEA 8/15/2011 10:29AM

    You menu sounds delish. I hope the chiro puts you back to rights so you can feel good during your running.

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SARAHMAC1978 8/15/2011 9:28AM

    Sorry about the gas situation. I remember once when I was pumping gas for my car, and the automatic stopper didn't work and there was gas everywhere! It's scary! I fortunately didn't get it in my eyes like you did, but I did get it all over my hands and clothes :(

Glad you are okay! Have a great week!

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ARYSMOMMY1 8/15/2011 9:22AM

    Good luck on your goals! And good job on getting back out and finishing that lawn!!!

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The Beauty of Today

Friday, August 12, 2011

Today I didn't wake up groaning from pain.
Today I woke up to the sun, the birds, and other noises I've drowned out with being too busy to notice for so long.
Today I realized that summer is winding down and I haven't done half the things I wanted to do.
Today I realized there is still time.

Today I don't care what I wear or what size I am.
Today I'm glad to be alive. Glad to have made it through a hard few months without gaining a bunch of weight back.
Today I'm ready to take on the world, however slowly because of my back.

Today I'm glad I skipped Zumba last night because my body needed the rest.
Today I actually WANT to go to the gym. I don't even know what I can do once I get there, but wanting to go is HUGE because I haven't felt that in a while.
Today I'm nervous, but not hiding.

Today it's the sunshine and smiling faces of family and friends that make me feel like this world isn't such a bad place after all.
Today I'm thinking of my grandparents, about how proud they would be of me for what I've accomplished against all odds and statistics.
Today I will make them smile with my bravery, courage, and lust for life.
Today I will remember that each moment is a precious one.

Today I will cook something, because I miss that creative outlet.
Today I will mow the lawn, because I miss being productive at home.
Today I will visit the gym, I will eat healthy because it feels right, I will do my chores while making it feel like the freedom I have to accomplish the things I want.
Today I will watch an entire football practice and get ready for my son's first scrimmage of the year.
Today I am happy that both my boys are growing into strong, capable young men.
Today I will think about how lucky I am to have Hubs as a support, lover, counselor, friend, and my constant companion.

Today I will poop rainbows and sunshine and let the world know that I'm back. I'm ready. I'm good. I'm capable.
For the past few months I've been caught up in a whirlwind of what's been going on around me, hanging on for dear life. But today, I take over the reigns, thanking myself for surviving the chaos and letting myself know that it's okay sometimes to lose control, because it makes fighting for it back that much more of an accomplishment.

Cardio and ST today with a smile! Who's with me?! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SARAWALKS 8/15/2011 11:01AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 8/12/2011 2:02PM

    emoticon

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KKINNEA 8/12/2011 12:51PM

    Smiling!

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MDEAL72 8/12/2011 12:36PM

    Such a great blog! Love it!

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EMERALDELEPHANT 8/12/2011 12:23PM

    What a wonderful blog and attitude! You should print this post and hang it on your wall so next time you feel yourself getting caught up or discouraged, it will remind you how positive you are. emoticon

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ERIN1128 8/12/2011 12:23PM

    "Today I will poop rainbows and sunshine and let the world know that I'm back." Love ya!

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COCOMAC7 8/12/2011 11:51AM

    I feel your energy coming thru my screen! Thanks for the motivation to rock my day!!!!

I have no plans for a workout today due to social committments right after work, but I already have tomorrow planned. I can't control my exercise for today, but I can control my food.

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Back Pains, Headaches, and Old Excuses on the Repeat List

Thursday, August 11, 2011

So, yeah, remember all those amazing goals I had posted on Monday? HA! Thus far all I can be proud of is cutting soda mostly out of my diet and getting back to drinking my water. I've been trying so hard to be good, but it's been difficult. Thing is, I know there will be challenges...I've faced them before. I just have to learn how to get past them.

So first, let's give them a name.

1. Work. Yep, all my training is over now, but the real work of catching up really took on a whole new meaning on Monday. As of today, I am proud to say that I am pretty much caught up on everything. Still, it's kept me from staying up to date here and focusing on much else. I haven't really taken an actual lunch break all week. A shame considering how nice the weather has been!

2. My energy level is in the crapper. I know it's directly related to #3 but OMG! I don't want to do anything beyond work and sleep. Sometimes eating is even a chore. Lord knows cooking has been out of the question. No matter how strong the drive to do it, I can't seem to get myself moving because I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep.

3. My back. This is the main reason for the lagging this week. Last week in DC when we were doing all that walking around, I noticed some pinching in my right shoulder blade area. It hurt, but I kept going anyhow. (Not really a choice when your hotel is still a mile away..) On top of that (or below it actually) the right side of my tailbone hurts SOOOO MUCH! It hurts when I sit, stand, lay down. Sleeping is out of the question. I don't sleep longer than an hour or two before I'm awake again in pain. The pain in my back is causing headaches, bad migraines that make it hard to see or think or do anything without feeling like my head is about to burst. I took off all yesterday after leaving 45 minutes early the day before. I felt like a tool for doing it because I really need to be at work right now, but I couldn't move.

And that is why I haven't been to the gym since returning from DC. I've wanted to go...so much it hurts me emotionally right now. But the thought of working out with all this pain makes me want to vomit. And the lack of sleep and general wearing down of my body makes me tired all the time. Driving to and from work is dangerous. When Hubs is driving, I'm usually asleep. It's a nightmare!

Still, tonight I'm going to attempt the gym. Who knows, it might help right? There's another Zumba class tonight, and I'm going to try my best to make it through at least 30 minutes of it. I haven't put the back pain to the real test because it basically hurts to just stand or sit, so the thought of moving is not something I'm exactly thrilled over...but I should try. At least try.

As for healing the back? I'm stretching a lot like the PT showed me. It HURTS so much! The tension in my back is ridiculous! And then today I made an appointment with a chiropractor for next Friday. I'm terrified because I've never been, but I've heard nothing but good things, and I need something to help me get my body from rebelling! I can't lose weight if I can't move. I just don't have the drive.

So that's what's up. Gonna go cringe a bit more and then talk myself into trying that workout tonight...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DETERMINED_SOUL 8/12/2011 8:57AM

    I've had that pain before, you may want to go see a doctor. I had the same pain in my back and leg, it was from a pinched nerve. I really do not want to scare you, but you should really see a doctor.

I do hope the pain goes away soon and you can get some decent sleep.

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SARAWALKS 8/11/2011 4:49PM

    emoticon
Now I don't wanna be a wet blanket but I just gotta say, going to the gym with that pain is one thing, you are more in control with the exercises you choose to do there - but something says to me that zumba might not be the smartest choice, it is so easy to injure yourself when you are moving quickly.
So just be careful, girl! Back pain is something to be respected... emoticon

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KKINNEA 8/11/2011 4:48PM

    Yay for water! emoticon Hopefully, your chiro should be able to take away the pressure on your back so you can move without pain.

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STU876 8/11/2011 2:07PM

    I hope your pain goes away soon! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I tried living with debilitating back pain from 3 herniated discs and two slipped discs for at least a year, but I ultimately had surgery on it. It was the worst pain of my life, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Here's to hoping it's something the chiropractor can help so that you can resume your workouts again!

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