 
 
 
Weekend Update & Weekly PlanTuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday was a pretty good day. Even though I discovered that there are no coupon inserts on holidays (insert really sad face here), I decided to continue our new Sunday ritual. I took both kids, we got 1 paper (instead of 4) for the sale ads alone, and then we headed to Shoney's for a Sunday brunch. Right after we ate, we headed to Rite-Aid where I saved about 60% on my bill. My favorite find? A Revlon eyeshadow for 99 cents! (Regularly over 5 bucks!) After Rite-Aid, we hit up Walmart, but didn't really find anything there. Final stop? Kroger. Got $150 worth of groceries for $86, saving 42%. (I'm getting SO close to my goal of saving 50% or more on my grocery bill each week, I can taste it! :) ) 
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_SASX_
6/1/2011 6:53AM
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what a wonderful weekend you had! family and friends and saving on shopping, swimming, gardening!! wow wow wow! your week sounds lovely, too! have a great week! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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TEAM-SARAH
5/31/2011 4:08PM
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Sounds like a really nice family weekend! It's so great that you are all involved in the gardening. I'm sure it'll be really rewarding and fun when it all starts to grow. Have a great week, you've got an awesome plan! I always do the same... make plans but they changed based on the weather/mood/energy!
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ERIN1128
5/31/2011 2:22PM
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Sounds like things are going well, good for you!
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HEAVENSSHADOW
5/31/2011 10:56AM
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---- " I need to see if I can put 2 and 2 together on my own. If I start coming up with 15 or something, I'll come back and use the tracker again, but until then, I might log, I might not. Doing is more important than logging what I do. I gotta work on the doing." ---- You know, my thoughts exactly for the week/month of June. I've been MIA a lot since my 5K the first week of May....been in a slump that I'm trying to define. Not quite sure yet, but hopefully blogging about it today will help. You are AWESOMEm, Esther. Keep it up! I envy your garden!!! Need to get started on mine ASAP! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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CINSROAD2HEALTH
5/31/2011 9:51AM
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You inspire me to be a better coupon clipper! Have a great week!
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HEALTH-E-CLARE
5/31/2011 9:37AM
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So glad that you had a great weekend with the fam. Love the fact that you got your garden planted with help from the family and that you have some "me" time scheduled along with all the other workout varieties you got planned. Have a fabulous week! Report Inappropriate Comment |
Weight Last Week: 319.2
Weight This Week: 316.6
Total Loss: -2.6 pounds
So how was I successful this week? I gave in and gave up.
Thursday was a rough day. It started out great. I was on a weeklong cycle of just pushing myself, trying to beat my perfections of the previous day. I failed more often then not, but I just kept getting up and trying again. It wasn't going well. I stuck to my diet mentality most of the week, and while I'd do pretty well during the day, at night I would fall apart. I wasn't seeing the results I wanted. The scale is a cruel beast sometimes. Thursday night, I had a binge. I hated myself. I hated the diet. I hated that feeling that everyone around me had it so much easier than I did. I didn't care anymore - I just wanted to drown myself with every "bad" food I had been restricting all week...all month....for almost a year.
Friday, I woke up and said I didn't effin' care anymore. Nothing was working, so why should I try? My weight had shot up again and I felt like killing myself in the gym wasn't worth it anymore. I had lost 1/4 of an inch in my neck and was more than depressed that of all the places I wanted to lose inches, my neck wasn't really my top concern. Don't get me wrong, I was loving that I no longer had that hump of back fat. My shoulders and the back of my neck were more firm. I wasn't able to pinch large globs of fat from that area anymore. Hubs even commented on how great my neck/shoulders looked from behind as he planted a gentle kiss there. Sweet, but annoying at the same time because all I could do was look down at my huge belly and think, "So when are YOU going to go away?!"
As our last Friday together sans kids (I don't work Fridays and he works at home, so when school is in session, we get blissful free babysitting from the public school system), I decided we needed to do something. We'd all gotten up early to take my oldest to the school for his field trip to King's Island, and then mulled over the idea of going ourselves. Problem was, Hubs hadn't slept. In an effort to restructure his schedule again (used to be the job he does at home works best when we starts around noon and works late into the night, but he's making a change that will require him to get up around 7am), he had pulled an all-nighter and planned on not sleeping except for a small nap sometime during the day. We chose not to go to King's Island. I knew he'd crash after being there for an hour and would be miserable, and I didn't want him to be miserable because it would shrink the amount of fun I could have. (And he noted again that I worry too much about how others around me are feeling and how that affects my moods.)
Instead, we shipped our youngest off to school on the bus and then Hubs and I looked for local day trips we could take. It was our last chance for an adult field trip before summer starts. We settled on visiting Blenko Glass Factory, a factory here in WV that still actually mouth-blows the pretty glass creations they make. It was about an hour and 20 minutes away, so we set off with the intention of visiting the factory and then having an amazing lunch at this great Mexican restaurant that my co-workers had turned me on to during a client visit a few months back.
The glass factory was fun, except for the fact that we arrived at the same time as a group of school children. (So much for an adult field trip! *lol*) Still, I got really interested in watching the process. I've always been fascinated by taking a glob of red, glowing glass, and then using one's own air to blow and mold it into a beautiful piece of glass work. After we had seen all we had wanted to see, we dodged the kids and stood back as they filed out and onto the bus. (Yes, we made a concerted effort to ditch the kids! *lol*) We walked around the factory show room and eyed various pieces we would have loved to have purchased if we had globs of disposable income in our various bank accounts. Finally, we left and headed to the Mexican restaurant across the street. We were hungry and I was excited to show him this little hole-in-the-wall place that makes the most authentic food I've been able to find this way north of Arizona.
We arrived 4 minutes before the place opened. Hubs looked at me and said, "Okay, so what do we do until then?" I glanced down the way and saw that the antique store a few doors down was open. "Let's go antiquing!" I said. *lol* Let me just say that we are not the "antiquing" type. Mostly, I just see the stuff as old. The only "old" things that would interest me are books - first editions or signed copies - or furniture - just because I know how much better things were built and the craftsmanship that has diminished as soon as the fast-food culture took on a burst of activity. Sure, I found some old books, but no first editions or signed copies of anything I was really interested in. And Hubs and I aren't in a place right now to purchase new furniture. We just basically killed time looking through things, as I kept an eye out for hidden pieces of my mom's china collection.
It turned into a bit of a giggle fest as we kept each other laughing with jokes. The place was full of hidden holes and nooks and crannies. (If you were a serious antiquing enthusiast, it would take you forever to make sure you didn't miss a hidden gem.) It looked like part of the old building used to be a house at one point. One of those old houses with tiny hallways and small rooms. As I walked down one corner, down a hallway and took a turn I was faced with an bathroom. For some strange reason they had put peanut packing pieces in the tub along with little baby dolls. My heart stopped. It looked like something you would find in a haunted house. There was a huge doll of an old black maid or something in the corner, smiling, with all these babies "drowning" in the tub. I jumped, and then laughed at myself as I tried to catch my breath and then rushed off to find Hubs. "I've got one more thing I want to show you before we leave." I explained that it was a tight squeeze through the hallway, so I was going to let him go ahead alone. I stayed back and just watched his expression as he rounded the same corner I had, went to take a step in the room and then jumped back. *LMAO* "Good," I said between fits of laughter. "I thought I was the only one who would take it that way." We laughed about it as we rushed out of the horror house...err, I mean antique store, and down to the Mexican restaurant for a pleasant lunch.
I looked at the menu without thinking about "healthy" choices. I picked what I wanted, ate until I was full, tried a bite or two more and then looked at him and said, "Okay...it's sad that I can't finish it because it is SO good, but I'm done." He was done soon too. (Though he totally ate everything on his plate! *lol*) I have to say that this place is a wonderful gem of a place. One of Hubs and I's favorite shows to watch is Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives on Food Network. We love finding little places where the food is amazing and the service is great. This is one of those places. The salsa, you can tell, is made fresh. Hubs looked down and said, "There are bits of grass in here!" *lol* It was fresh spices, and the freshness can be seen in that the spices haven't broken down by sitting around forever. NOM!
After our adventure, he was exhausted. I drove to get myself a tea, bought myself a brownie at the decadent little hole in the wall bakery down the street from my work (another place that could fit on DDD). Coconut Isle tea with a splash of milk and one Splenda = YUM!. Add a huge brownie with chunks of chocolate pieces in it and you've got the makings of a perfect dessert. I pulled off a couple bites of brownie and then put the rest away, overwhelmed by how sweet it was.
After Ethan got home from school later, I gave him the brownie and he devoured it as only a kid can. *lol* We then set off to play tennis at the park...but the first stop was to be a visit with the exercise physiologist at the gym for our monthly meeting.
She asked how I was doing. I shrugged. "Let's get you on the scale, then we'll see how you're doing." HA! The scale? Yeah, he's going to say I suck major butt and haven't lost much weight at all for the entire year. She told me that last month I had weighed 323 pounds. I laughed to myself as she said "let's see how much you've lost" and then quickly shut up when she saw 323 on the scale appear. I almost snorted. "See?" I told myself. "All my work has been for naught. Same weight as last month." She tried to find something to say to encourage me. "Well, you didn't gain anything," she said, hopeful. "That's good." It's not good, I thought. This sucks. Then she looked at the print-out to see what else, if anything, had changed.
Imagine my surprise (and hers) when we realized that my fat mass had gone down, my fat-free mass had gone up, and my body fat % had shrunk from 51% to 49%. The previous month I had weighed the same, but had been fatter. Still, these numbers didn't do much to encourage me. "The weight on the scale doesn't matter," she told me. I interrupted her. "It DOES matter. I'm not saying that because I'm fat I have it harder than anyone else. All I mean to say is that the number on the scale determines what I can do. When the scale keeps saying 320 pounds over and over and over again, it just shows me that my life is still limited. There are things I can't do because of weight limits just because of that number on the scale." She nodded like she understood and then told me that she couldn't help me if I didn't bring my food logs in.
Whatever, I wasn't interested. I know how to eat right and how to not eat right. I explained to her that when I was PERFECT on all my low-end ranges, there was a possibility of me losing pounds, but it never lasted, and soon it shot up again. I told her that I had had a horrible binge session the night before, one the likes that I hadn't seen in almost a year and she reminded me that part of what was showing in that 323 pounds was that binge. I nodded. I know. I insisted once again that things weren't changing or getting better because my weight hadn't moved, and she tried to pull out my old print-outs to show me I was wrong...until she saw that I've been in the 320s since February. I smirked. See?! Listen to me. I've been fighting the 320s this entire year. I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of this BS, of never moving forward. Sure, it's great that my fat-free mass is getting bigger and my fat mass is going down, but that only means that my goal weight actually goes up...and each time it does I think, "So I'll always be the fat girl!" She finally looked at me and said, "This is the month, Esther. I can feel it. You're going to be in the teens next month." I shrugged and said, simply, "We'll see."
I was glad when it was finally over and Ethan and I could go out and enjoy the sunshine at the park. He and I rarely get time to spend just the two of us, and he rarely gets time to play tennis considering we only have 2 rackets right now and so the kids only get to play when either Hubs or I get tired and switch out with them. We spent 30 minutes to an hour at the park. I don't know because I didn't time it. I didn't want the pressure of doing a workout, I just wanted to live my life. We bought Long John Silver's to take home to Hubs and I ate that until I was full and then quit.
Saturday morning, I got up early. I ate breakfast like I usually do - 1/2 a bagel with 1 Tbsp. of natural peanut butter. I had a cup of coffee and then decided I was ready for my run. I went and got dressed and Ethan looked up and said, "Where are you going?" Logan was still asleep as his bus from King's Island hadn't made it in until 11pm and he stayed up another hour or so relaying the days events to Hubs and I. Hubs was still asleep as well - not unusual on any given day. (I'm not so sure how well this "resetting his clock" thing is working! *lol*) "I'm going for a run" I told Ethan. "Where?" he asked, with false innocence. *lol* I told him that I had planned to go the gym to run on the TM, but that if he wanted to run as well (he's trying to start conditioning for football), then we could go to the HS track instead. He put on his shoes and we were off.
My goal was simple - try to run 1/2 a mile. I walked one lap around the track and then took off jogging. The first 1/2 a lap was easy and felt good...and then it started to get hard. When I wound around the first loop, I thought to myself, "Please let me have this today, body. PLEASE!" I talked myself into every step, around each corner, and told myself that I would feel much better when it was done. My legs felt heavy and tired. I felt heavy and tired, but I kept going, envisioning the race course for the 5k I want to do in August in my head (Debbie Green 5k, the first 5k I ever did). I was coming down the big hill, I was winding left around the big corner where I first noticed my blister last year, I was making another corner and there was the race organizer telling me what a good job I was doing, calling out the time, cheering us on, thanking us for coming, I turned right and continued on, past the house where the lady who cheered for just me had been sitting and I finished the second lap for her and for me and for every fat girl that thought they couldn't run. When it was over, I breathed heavily. Ethan brought me my water bottle as I continued to walk. I took long gulps of water and tried to recover. When that walking lap was over, I went for another jogging lap, thinking - just one more lap...I can do this. I couldn't do it. I did a little over 1/2 a lap and then needed to start walking again, but I didn't let that get me down. "Next time, I've got that lap too!" I told myself. This was a time for improvements, not for beating myself up. There was no time limit to beat and no one was watching to see how I would do. I walked the last lap and then stopped at Ethan's request.
As we walked out into the middle of the field to stretch out after our run (I had made him do some sprints as what he really needs to work on are bursts of quick speed to chase down a running back), I noticed a football on the field. I looked around. Who put that there? I hadn't noticed it before. I hoped whoever it was wouldn't mind as I picked it up and Ethan and I spent about 15 minutes tossing it back and forth, working on his throwing and catching. I made him run a route, and then he made me run two! *lol* I got the brilliant idea to have him lead me through his football warm-ups, thinking most of them would be good stretches for after a run. I hadn't expected that he would say, "Okay, 10 push-ups." I did them as he counted them off. Full-on push-ups, not the modified ones I'd done all my life. "Wow!" I told myself. "The scale doesn't know it all does it? You're strong!" Then Ethan said 2 words that I thought might lead me to strangle him. "Okay," he said with a sigh. "Sit ups." Huh? Not crunches - full on sit ups. I watched him do one and then realized I had to try. "Let's just do 7," he said. *lol* There's my boy! *lol* I did my 7 sit-ups with amazement. I was stronger. My core was responding. I stretched out and I went home happy to have accomplished my goal.
I can now run for 1/2 a mile without stopping. 3/4 of a mile...I'm coming for you!
Later we loaded up the car and headed out to the Moonshine Festival in New Straitsville, OH. I had packed our little cooler with PB&Js for everyone as well as a few snacks, a few cans of pop and some water bottles. Not much to note about the festival. We never found our friends and couldn't call them because there's no cell coverage in the boonies. It was boring. Ethan rode some carnival rides and we all shared a bucket of fries (I actually didn't eat very many because they weren't all that great) and then we headed back home. Hubs and Ethan's tummies were upset and I wondered if the bad food I had let my family eat the past few days was affecting them more than me. Why was my stomach a garbage disposal that didn't much care if the food was healthy or not...while theirs was affected by the change? *sigh* Fat girl, party of one!
We drove home and I slept on the ride. It felt great to take a summer afternoon nap. When we got home, I worked on my coupon binder and watched Gnomeo & Juliet with the boys. Hubs washed the car. Then we headed off to Bob Evans. We were hungry, but wanted something light. I had a side salad and then ordered 1/2 a chicken sandwich and a cup of tomato basil soup. The soup was gross. I had about 3 bites. it tasted sour almost and they were stupid enough to screw up a good thing by adding cheese and croutons on top. They screwed up the chicken salad too, by putting it on heavily buttered and toasted bread. I begrudgingly ate it, really wanting some slices of wheat bread instead but not wanting to be a PITA. At least the chicken salad there is good.
So how did I lose 2.6 pounds this week? Well, I gave up. I gave up my diet mentality and went back to my intuitive eating. I let myself slide. I didn't care anymore about fitness minutes and calories counted. I just did what I thought was best and figured the results would be what they were - whatever. All this pushing myself hasn't gotten me very far and all I really want is to stop being so hard on myself all the time. So I gave in to my ideals of fun and life. I indulged when I wanted, I ate some "bad" things, but stopped when I was full. I don't know how many calories I consumed (I don't even really remember the Thursday binge) and I don't really care.
I'm tired. Tired of pushing myself to exhaustion. I want to live my life now, not wait until I'm skinny to do it because, honestly, I don't know if I ever will be. I have to learn to love who I am and my body - the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want to fight for the things that matter to me most - spending quality time with my family and running a mile without stopping. I don't want to beat myself up because the scale is a stupid jerk who just doesn't get it.
I'm not saying that eating battered-fried fish and french fries will help you lose weight. All I'm saying is, I needed to back off. I think I still need that. I've pushed for a year and I'm exhausted. I want to enjoy my life, not constantly berate myself for whatever I did and didn't do. So for at least a little while, it's about living, not dieting, not numbers on the scale. Sure, I'd love for them to go down, but I'm more excited about my mileage increasing. I'm more excited about being able to do push-ups without modification. I'm more excited about my flexibility and stamina increasing.
It's time to let go of the negative and work on the positives. And if that means that the scale wants to throw me back into 320 land...so be it. I'm ready to have a little fun and go buck-wild...it's just my definition of that has changed a bit.
Today, I hope to play outside again. I'm thinking a trip to the lake is in order because, really, I can no longer envision a Memorial Day weekend without a good swim (and I'm not all that crazy about crowded pools). I also need to work on the garden because I cannot WAIT for fresh bell peppers and tomatoes to put in my new array of homemade dishes. So between today and tomorrow, that's what my plan looks like. No calorie counts. No "don't eat this" rules. Just "Go - Do - Have fun!"
Have a great holiday weekend, y'all.
Total pounds lost with SP: 99.6
Total pounds lost from highest: 150 pounds*
Yes, I realize that now, but now is not the time for "Yay! I did it!" blogs. Now is the time to go have a life. Leave a message at the beep - I'm off living for today.
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SPARTANBABE
6/1/2011 7:17PM
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Keep it up! We all need that slide - it makes us appreciate what we've done and modify what we hate so we can live with ourselves and keep on to our goals!
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GOGOSHIRE
5/31/2011 12:21AM
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One of the things I love about your blogs is the way you talk about your family. The love just drips thru the screen, E. Swear to God. I hear you on the intuitive eating. You're guided by your mind, but you're listening to your body. Congrats on the teens. Woohoo!
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LOOKY-LOU
5/30/2011 1:55PM
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Hope you had a great weekend with your boys! I really enjoyed this blog, not sure what the message to me was, but I know there was one! I will reread it later and figure out why it was so meaningful. You go girl! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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A_LITTLE_LESS
5/30/2011 11:55AM
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I think you are doing a great job balancing things.
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ERIN4771
5/30/2011 8:27AM
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have you thought about incorporating a "cheat" day into your plan? the hubs and i started doing this about a month or 2 ago, basically we a re pretty regimented with out diets during the week, but come saturday, we eat what we want, or have been craving, and it's been awesome! just an idea....also, try to remember, we ALL have points in this journey when we want to quit, you aren't alone, and i know it's hard to look at it and be fired up and raring to go when the scale hasn't budged, but, always try to remember there are so many other ways of measuring success! i also love that you spend so much time playing with your kids, that is awesome!! take care of yourself esther, remember you are stronger than you think..... 
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COCOMAC7
5/30/2011 12:38AM
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balance is certainly important. Sometimes I just have to eat what I want to or I will go crazy. It's more about moderation then deprevation for me. Good work losing when you were off living! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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AHEALTHYDANI
5/29/2011 1:19PM
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Mmmm - I'm so jealous about that fresh salsa! Haha. Seriously though, so glad you guys are off having a fun weekend. You deserve! And congrats on the loss!
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ERIN1128
5/29/2011 10:56AM
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Balance is important..I think if you don't take some breaks, it's just too hard to keep up. As for the "adult" field trip, ain't it the truth - I swear, every time Paul and I go out to dinner, we end up next to a table of people with kids, LOL!
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KAYOTIC
5/29/2011 9:58AM
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Sounds like your son is a great trainer! And maybe next time you order the chicken sandwich, you can get the bread you want, it's all about learning to ask for what works for you. Report Inappropriate Comment |
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RUNNINGNP2B
5/29/2011 9:54AM
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I'm really glad that you and hubs had a nice "last" Friday off together, with the free babysitting and all that, sounds like a neat day (except for the creepy antique store, I'm not a fan of them myself). And as for the weight loss (woo-hoo!), sometimes it's good to let the 'rules' go and let our bodies do what it naturally knows how to do. Hello -teens! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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CHUBBYVEGAN
5/29/2011 9:49AM
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good diet/life balance! keep up the good work!
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You sound determined to me!
Lunch-time Yoga (at least 15-20 mins) 
R-Mac Day 3 - Shoulders & Abs 
Running - with at least one 1/2 mile jogging segment, 2 miles total 
Lunch-time walk (at least 20 minutes) 
Boxing stint (at least 10 minutes) 
Stair stepper (at least 10-15 minutes) 
Elliptical (yes, I know that's a bike, not an elliptical *lol*) (at least 15 mins) 
Running at gym or track, at least 2 miles total, at least 1/2 a mile jogging stint - try to increase jogging stints, even if just by a few steps or a .10 of a mile 
Weed garden 
Tennis? 
Swimming?