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BB Program Day 1 Recap

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Okay, so yesterday went considerably well. Minor slip-up at the end, but nothing that hurt the bank, honestly.

Meal 1: Breakfast
6:40ish am --- Eggs and Oats

I cooked up my oats in a frying pan instead of a saucepan like I usually do, when they were done, I added in the 4 egg whites and 1 egg I had whisked together and then cooked that down. Yes, there will still some chunks of egg in my oats, but with some brown sugar on top, it actually tasted quite good. Thick. A little creamy. And SO filling. I was forcing the food down telling myself that I needed to try to follow this plan exactly for one week at least. Had this been dinner, I could've eaten this easily, but I'm usually not so hungry in the mornings, so it was a bit of a challenge. Still, got it down and felt satisfied and (surprisingly) not overly full for the rest of the morning.

Stats: 397 cals/ 74 carbs/ 10g fat/ 28g protein

(And that includes my regular coffee with creamer on the way to work. Sorry, Jamie, I just can't picture my life without my morning coffee just yet.)

Meal 2: Mid-Morning Snack
9:30am --- PB Sandwich and Strawberries

The simplest meal of the day. Two slices of whole grain wheat bread with 1 Tbsp. natural peanut butter and 8-10 strawberries. I considered slicing the strawberries and putting them on the sandwich itself, but I got lazy and just ate the sandwich and the strawberries seperately. (Maybe I'll be less lazy today!) No big surprise here...

Stats: 301 cals/ 41 carbs/ 11g fat/ 11g protein

Meal 3: Lunch
12:00pm --- Chicken, Broccoli and Sweet Potatoes

I popped my premeasured and weighed lunch into the microwave at work, and then headed outside to eat in the sunshine and warmth while reading my book. NICE! Lunch was 4 oz. of chicken breast. I had cooked 8 pieces of chicken breast on Sunday night. I split them into 4 sets of 2 breasts, and then topped each set with different spices. For lunch I had chicken with salt, pepper, oregano, and some ground cumin. As far as the sweet potato went, I had peeled it and chopped it into fry-type shapes, put it in a pan with some olive oil and salt and pepper and then put it in the oven to bake. They never reached the crispiness of fries, per se, but they were still good. Along with that, I had a cup of fresh steamed broccoli, which I steamed at home using my new steamer tray I got at Big Lots for 6 bucks. :) All in all? Great, filling lunch! I was impressed with how good the sweet potatoes were, as I usually have a problem with them. Maybe my tastes have changed, or maybe I just like the way I cooked them. We shall see...

Stats: 375 cal/ 43 carbs/ 9g fat/ 32g protein

Meal 4: Midday Snack
2:30pm --- Chicken, Rice and Spinach

So this 4oz of chicken breast had been cooked with cayenne pepper and some sage. I cut it into bite sized pieces, and mixed it together with the 1 cup of rice and the 3 cups of spinach I had cooked on the stove the night before. It was a yummy mixture with just enough and not too much kick on the tail end. NOM!

Stats: 362 cals/ 48 carbs/ 4g fat/ 34g protein

Meal 5: Dinner
5:30pm --- Tilapia with Rice and Steamed Vegetables

The meal plan called for 5 oz of fish, but I cut it down to 4 oz. Probably good because I realized later that I had measured my 1/3 cup of rice a little off...I think I had a touch too much rice, but nothing to fret over. And instead of mixed steamed vegetables, I will freely admit that I took the easy route and just used the leftover cup of broccoli I had steamed the night before. It was just easier. Of course the broccoli was great, but the rice was a touch dry and I ended up cutting up the fish and mixing it with the rice, which turned out pretty well. Tilapia is not my favorite tastes a touch fishier and grimier (?) than my salmon favorite, but it's alright.

Stats: 286 cals/ 35 carbs/ 5g fat/ 31g protein

All of this was consumed before my work day even ended. Then I headed to the gym for a workout.

Confession time...I only did 2 circuits instead of 3. I could feel my body starting to get sore and I do NOT need another injury. I knew I had put in enough time and effort to be alright on exercise for the night, so I called it good.

I started out with 5 minutes on the Treadmill, warming up.
Then I moved onto 2 sets of 15 push-ups to warm-up the arm muscles, which I was to use in ST that night.

Finally, 2 circuits of the following, 12 reps then 10:
Side Lat Raises (10, then 15lbs)
Dumbbell Bench Press (10, then 15lbs)
Bent-Over Dumbbell Tricep Extensions (10, then 15lbs)
Seated Cable Rows (70, then 80lbs)
Alternate Hammer Curls (10, then 15lbs)
Hyperextensions (10, then 25 lbs)
Bicycle Crunches

Following the first circuit I did 3 minutes at a moderate to vigorous pace on the elliptical, and following the last round, did 5 minutes on the stairmaster - as much as I could go without my hip needing serious medical attention.

Finally, Post-Workout Meal:
Protein drink with a medium sized banana.

Stats: 239 cals/ 32 carbs/ 3g fat/ 27g protein

I did well the rest of the night, aside from the mini Kit-Kat and the Dark Chocolate Covered Peep I had while playing Jenga with Hubs and Ethan. And then I cooked my steamed veggies and sweet potato and spinach for the next day and prepped my food in containers for today.

So far so good. Didn't go hungry once. Hoping to stay out of the Easter candy tonight...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SARAHJ19 5/3/2011 2:00PM

    Great job Esther! I love your meals for the day! I am definitely going to try cooking those sweet potatos that way! I usually put mine in my rice cooker (from pampered chef) and they steam up perfectly!

Keep it up girl! Way to go on getting your meals planned out!!

Oh and I must say I LOVE those dark chocolate covered peeps, they are sooo good!

emoticon emoticon

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    Way to go!


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TEAM-SARAH 5/3/2011 12:12PM

    Great job on the meal plan! It all sounds pretty tasty, actually (except that I don't eat chicken but... if you like chicken i'd imagine it'd be good!) That's a great protein heavy breakfast. I am trying to work at having at least 30 grams in before lunchtime and it's a struggle when I'm just eating packaged stuff at work (I rely on my chobani!)

Keep up the great work!

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April Recap/May Goals

Monday, May 02, 2011

So April was a trying month for me, but let's focus on the positives.

When I weighed in on April 9th, I weighed 325 pounds.
Yesterday morning I logged my weight as 323.2.

So even with the all the crazy emotions, crazier eating and all that jazz, I still managed to lose weight. WIN!

I finally got my butt to the doctor, and then to the physical therapist. Today was our third session. Last Thursday after our session I began to really hurt. I know that doesn't SOUND positive, but according to the PT, a little discomfort shows that we're trying to get things back where they should be. I think it's one of those things that have to get worse before they get better. We're backing off just a bit on our stretches, just to make sure I don't have a night like that again where walking a mile felt like torture - slow and painful.

Last Monday I surprised myself by not only doing 15 regular pushups (one of my April goals), but doing 2 sets of them. Granted, I can't yet go all the way down into them, but this is such a huge improvement on the TWO half-pushups I was doing before.

In April I may not have run, boxed or even long distance walked, but I fought through a BUNCH of mental BS that has been hanging over my head for MONTHS...probably all of 2011. I'm still a mess of stress, something I talked to Hubs about again yesterday, but I'm recognizing it and attempting to work through it. We'll have to see how that goes as time passes on. Hubs asked me yesterday, "What do you WANT out of one day?" "Peace," I told him. "That's all I want. Peace." Of course, I then told him there was no way to really give that to me because I'm such a stressed out worry-wart all the dang time and I can't seem to escape myself and we don't have the time or money to escape to the beach like we usually do about this time, but at least he was listening...and offering to help make that happen if he or I could figure out how. *shrug*

Another strange occurance - my inches are going nowhere. In fact, I think I've gotten bigger in the waist this month, but somehow I'm now able to fit into all 24s. It's like one day I couldn't and the next, TADA! WTF? I went shopping this weekend. Ended up with a pair of jean shorts (24s), a pretty orange skirt, a white dressy tank, a dressy brown shirt, and then, jackpot of all "feel good" moments - I got 2, yes TWO, springy/summery dresses from Old Navy...the kind I always WANTED to be able to wear but never could. I also tried on a pencil-type skirt at a store in the mall, it was also a size 24 and fit me beautifully (but it was super expensive and I'm still not crazy about how I look in them). So there goes my theory that I only fit STRETCHY 24s. *shrug*

I've talked to a lot of people this month, finally willing to ask for help. Some of the things that stick out.

* My PT never said my injury was due to my weight. He did NOT tell me to stop exercising, but instead encouraged me to continue carefully.

* My doctor wants nothing more than to help me along in whatever way she can. We both realize that I'm stalled, but we're working together to do things to help me along.

* My exercise physiologist finally had a sit-down with me and we talked long and hard about the options I still have available as far as exercise is concerned. She told me to stop being so hard on myself because, according to her scale and my monthly weigh-ins I am consistently losing weight every month, even if very slowly.

* And my new trainer, Jamie Eason, told me that I can achieve whatever goals I want to with enough discipline. She explained that rest is VERY important, and somehow made me realize that if I'm going to be a little more sidelined cardiovascularly *snicker* that I need to watch more carefully what I'm eating. She made me realize that I can STILL lose weight if I can't move much, I just have to refocus my focus to the nutrition side.

Today I have the following meals planned, packed and ready to go (save the protein powder and banana, which I'll eat when I get home from the gym and the first 2 meals, which I have already consumed).

7:00am - 4 egg whites, 1 egg, 1/2 c oats cooked together with a touch of brown sugar.
*coffee on the way to therapist's
9:40am - 1 Tbsp. pb on 2 slices wheat bread with 10 medium strawberries
12:00pm - 4oz chicken, 1c steamed broccoli, 1 sweet potato cooked with 1.5 tsp olive oil
2:30pm - 4oz chicken, 1c brown rice, 3c spinach
5:30pm - 4oz tilapia, 1/3c brown rice, 1c steamed broccoli
* gym at 6:40, upper body ST and some time on the stairmaster
8:30pm - protein shake and medium banana
* bed by 10:30pm

It's about 2k calories, and only my fat grams are low (by only 2 grams so I'm not stressing).

In my fridge I have enough chicken for 1 or 2 more days like this. I have enough fish for the entire week. I'll cook my broccoli and spinach the night before. I cook my eggs and oats fresh in the morning. I picked up 2 more batches of strawberries, and I'm considering using the all natural strawberry preserves I have in the fridge as a substitute if I so choose.

My goal is to stick to this as long as mentally possible. I'm scared about the sweet potatoes. I've never liked sweet potatoes. I'm also scared about getting bored, but I'm trying to tell myself that eating does not always have to be the most joyous occasion. Sure, it's great to try something amazing now and again, but every meal? Really? Not so much. Food as fuel, with treats on occasion.

Hide the Easter Candy, boys! Momma is on a chicken and fish kick for right now.

As the week goes on, I'm going to research other dishes that fit to give me that nutritional balance I'm really looking for. Hopefully next week I can vary my dishes some more. I do NOT want to be completely sick of fish and chicken before the month of May ends! *lol*

My secret hope is that this week, however, will push me down under the 320s and I can build upon that success. As a test, however, I have vowed to not weigh myself all week. Sunday is weigh-in I've got to stick it out until then.

Yes, I have been thinking, "But isn't this a DIET? The same thing we've been trying to stay away from because they don't work?" Yep. It is. But it's more than that. It's training my body what a balanced meal tastes like and feels like...and it's a great "I know this works" standby while I try to sort things out on my own. I need to not have to think in the moment because that thinking lately has been ruining me, so taking out all the guesswork will (i hope) help me focus a little bit. We shall see... Know what else this diet is? 100% clean. Fresh foods, made at home, spices determined and added by me. Can't be all that bad, and might help my stomach clear out the remnants of peanut butter eggs and chocolate covered peeps.


So, now for May goals.

1. Do my PT exercises EVERY DAY.
2. Rest 2 times a week - Wednesday for baths, Sunday for batch cooking.
3. Follow the 12-week fat loss program for the entire month as close as possible.
4. Be willing to forgive adjustments for injuries.
5. Substitute in what you substitute out. Even if you can only manage a SLOW walk, do the same amount of time you would have done your High Intensity elliptical workout and make it work.
6. Eat clean 25/31 days.
7. Treat yourself TWICE this month.
8. Drink 12-14 glasses of water a day.
9. Take your glucosamine to see if it will help with the joint pain.
10. Register entire family for Debbie Green Memorial 5k (in August).
11. Get ahold of and strangle CT until he gives me a new boxing appointment.
12. Do NOT allow bath-time to become mind-suck time. PROMISE!

Here we go, May! We're off to a good start!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANNIE50 5/3/2011 5:37PM

    As always, I thoroughly enjoy your blogs. I love all the care and detail you put into them. I am glad you liked the sweet potatoes. As you progress on this journey, and are able to run more and more, they will come in handy - they are a runner's perfect food. Of course, they are a great food, period, and good fuel for most types of workouts. I am so impressed that you could stop at two pieces of Easter candy - a feat I myself cannot yet imagine. Keep up the great work, and the great blogs - you are quite impressive. emoticon

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RUNNINGNP2B 5/2/2011 5:47PM

    Great job E, you have good plans. And love the shopping wins! As for the 'diet' mentality (because I feel the same way sometimes) it's not a diet. It's healthy eating. I liken it to rebooting your computer when it's acting whack - you're rebooting mentally and physically and reminding what healthy tastes and feels like to your body. Not a diet : ) Because there will be Easter Candy days and that's ok emoticon

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CANNIE50 5/2/2011 2:38PM

    You can do this - there is nothing impossible on your list - you have great determination! I love reading your blogs. Thank you for being so generous in sharing your life and your struggles and your accomplishments.

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SARAHJ19 5/2/2011 12:24PM

    April turned out pretty good!! Way to go on getting to the doctor and starting physical therapy! I will be cheering you on! I do exercises everyday for my back that my mom's physical therapists taught her! It feels so amazing when I do my stretches at night.

You goals for May are awesome!! I like rest day for Wednesday! I think I might use that too! May is going to be great! Keep focus and you will do awesome! We will both do awesome! emoticon emoticon emoticon

I have to have you cooked sweet potatoes? Girl don't be scared! If you cook them right they are super delicious! I put a little cinnamon and can't believe it's not butter spary and chow down!

Have a great month!!

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ERIN1128 5/2/2011 12:08PM

    OMG Esther - even with all the struggles you've had lately, YOU STILL LOST WEIGHT! That is so totally fricking awesome! You should be giving yourself huuuuge kudos for that. Like the plan - let's go!

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TEAM-SARAH 5/2/2011 11:44AM

    You're doing such a great job. Success is all relative, and the fact that you actually LOST WEIGHT in spite of everything this month is just absolutely incredible. I'm so proud of you and your attitude is so completely inspiring. Just trust the process, you'll get there! :)

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DETERMINED_SOUL 5/2/2011 11:28AM

    Way to go! You can do anything you set your mind to.

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MAGPIE17 5/2/2011 11:04AM

    Great goals, Esther!

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BLACK-PRINCESS 5/2/2011 10:59AM

    keep it up! emoticon

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In Pieces...

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Last night I did something REALLY, REALLY stupid. I asked the Hubs to take me to the Chinese place for dinner. STUPID STUPID STUPID!! I figured I could handle it. See that, friends? I got too sure of myself. Plus, I've learned that you can't handle ANYTHING at a Chinese restaurant and/or buffet because EVERYTHING has SALT SALT and more SALT. UGH! On the one hand, I'm super proud that I did not overeat. On the other hand, I was ready, willing, and able to make Ranch Cheddar Turkey Burgers last night. WTF is my problem?


This morning I woke up so very tired. My back has been killing me the past couple days and yesterday it was almost unbearable. Last night I took the 3 boys (Hubs included) to Wal-Mart to pick up some odds and ends. I found a bottle of bath salts that are supposed to help aching muscles (and they STINK when you smell them in the bottle but smell great in the water, so I really don't understand that!), a avacado/oatmeal mask, and some more makeup remover wipes. When we got home, I announced that I was taking a bath and was NOT to be disturbed. Thankfully, everyone was happy to oblige. I sat in a warm/hot tub for an hour, trying to get my back to work itself out - my muscles were SO tight in the upper part of my back reaching up into my neck that it hurt to turn my head to check for traffic on the way home. I loaded up the tub with the bath salts, took off my makeup, put my hair back, put on my face mask, lit a bunch of candles (which my kids help me find around the house), and sat down with my book for my ME time. It felt great. To be honest, I nearly fell asleep while reading my book in the tub. I have NEVER felt that comfortable in a bath in our tub (it's not the greatest tub). I have also not ever had this much manueverability in our tub, so that felt good to recognize.


I just got back from my physical therapy appointment. The PT was quizzing me in a sort of sneaky way to ask if I had done my exercises this past week. He wouldn't come right out and ask if I had done them because he wanted me to report that I both remembered WHAT they were and how to do them, as well as that I had completed them. Honestly I told him that I had not been perfect doing them every day, but that I had done a lot of them. And, unsurprisingly to those of us who have learned that consistency, not perfection, is key, he said, "Great!" I admitted that the pain in my hip had decreased, while the pain in my back increased, just as he suspected it would. And then I fessed up to playing Just Dance 2 with the boys the other night and pulling my hip all wonky again...he smiled. I don't know why he smiled. But I explained that it had felt pretty bad yesterday morning but by the end of the day was feeling better, and today - practically nothing again. (It used to take WEEKS to really heal up like that). I told him, however, that I was having some SERIOUS tightness in my upper back around my shoulders and I didn't know how connected that was to my problem. "Could be," he said, and then told me not to completely extend my neck back in Cobra, but to just keep my head neutral.'d he know I was taking his simple exercise to the extreme?


After 15 minutes on a heating pad (I think they get a kick out of the fact that I read while I'm icing/heating), they started me on some regular exercises that I'm assuming will become part of my regular visits. First up? Five minutes on the a speed of 1.5.! I kept telling myself that this was NOT a workout and that I needed to follow their instructions exactly, but I seriously wondered if I could increase to at least 2.8 without them noticing. I resisted the urge and held out for my five minutes. After that, the girl showed me how to do wall squats. *snicker* "We're going to shoot for 30," she said. I laughed to myself and said aloud, "Okay, no problem." I did my squats and then it was the back extensions. They had been waiting to get me on a machine some guy was using, but he was taking forever and I was just standing around with my thumb up my butt like an idiot, so they finally let me do them on my own without any machine support. Then they had me lay on my stomach and rest on my elbows for three minutes before I had to do my cobra-type stretches for the PT again. We talked a bit and he seems to be more sure that it's something funkified in my back. He had me do sags in the last couple cobras where you sag your stomach down toward the floor, further extending the pressure on your lower back. Finally, I was feeling something! OW! *lol* He explained that we were going to do these in the last 3 cobras of each set this week and then see how that goes. He said that he may eventually have to actually press on my back to manipulate things back where they should be, but he wants to get into this gradually. After the talk, I did 15 more minutes on my back, this time on ice and with the electrode therapy on my hip/back area.


As I was doing my exercises, whipping from one thing to the next, I started looking around. Many of the patients there are older, some seem to have been in accidents of some sort, but all of them seemed to be straining much more than I was to complete many of the same movements. The girl next to me was trying to increase the amount of bend she could get in her knee, and as I heard her almost scream out through the tough exercises, and apologize when she had to take an unscheduled break, I realized that she never ONCE complained. She whined and moaned but she KEPT ON GOING. She was fighting through the pain for this one moment I got to witness at the end, where she bent her knee as much as she could and the girl next to her measured the angle. The patient had gone from 75 to 81, which I'm guessing is an improvement, because she said, "And that's just in two days!" with the same amount of joy you might hear from me if I lost 15 pounds in a week. It got me thinking and made me realizing that shutting up and working through right now is the best option I have. Be thankful for what I do have. Let those who know what they're doing instruct me on how to make the hurt parts well again. Keep pushing through on through the other side, where victory awaits. And count EVERY SINGLE PROGRESSION as a milestone. I know what the woman was going through. I could almost feel the memory of the same tightness she was likely experiencing in her knee in my own. After years of dealing with serious knee issues, weeks where my mobility was almost completely sacrificed in one leg following an incident where my knee popped out, I have gotten to a point where this feeling is a faint memory. How's that for perspective?


The more I think about the fact that May is coming up, the more I think about the way I've been treating food in my life, I'm thinking the following must occur.

emoticon I will work EVERY day to make it through the plans I've made.
emoticon I will adapt where necessary, but never without a good REASON.
emoticon A "reason" is not the same as an "excuse."
emoticon I will follow the meal plan set for me for one week as a challenge to myself.
emoticon I will not judge the effects of that successful week by the scale numbers alone.
emoticon I will take each day as a lesson and a blessing.
emoticon I will wake up each morning with the thought that today will be a good day.
emoticon I will retire each night with the hopes that tomorrow will be as great or better than the current day was.
emoticon I will remind myself of all the GOOD things when the bad things come out of hiding to haunt me.

emoticon I will drink 12 glasses of water per day, or more.
emoticon I will trust those certified to give me instruction to know better than me.
emoticon I will give the experts the benefit of the doubt.
emoticon I will use this time to find new ways to eat sweet potato. Maybe the only reason I don't like them is because I haven't had them the right way yet.

emoticon I WILL stick to the plan.
emoticon I WILL give myself credit.
emoticon I WILL do my PT exercises every day!
emoticon I WILL make it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KKINNEA 4/29/2011 11:47AM

    Your goals sound great - you can do it!

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_DASH_ 4/28/2011 10:45PM

    I always love to hear where you come to at the end of your blogs - they are like mini snapshots of you evolving throughout life. so beautiful to witness and awesome. and that bath idea?? i'm dropping everything i'm doing right now, riding out to price chopper to get some scrubbing bubbles and some bath salts, and i'm about to do the SAME thing.

thanks for reminding me to take the time i need for myself too.

and THANK YOU eternally for your generous and thoughtful donation to Bike and Build on my behalf. I am appreciative beyond any words, seriously. Thanks for being there for me in so many ways, all the time, Esther. I love you.

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BLACK-PRINCESS 4/28/2011 8:42PM

    hang in there.I like the note.

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SARAHMAC1978 4/28/2011 6:09PM

    I like your note about the girl next you that was so excited about her accomplishment, no matter how small. We should all take lessons from her!

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 4/28/2011 4:46PM

    That is quite a list of action items which I know you will be able to do.

I love "I will take each day as a lesson and a blessing"

Congrats on the extra room in tbe bath tub too. I think you should treat yourself at least once a month to relaxing tub time! I'd say week but you're a mom and I know finding me time must be tough.

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CINSROAD2HEALTH 4/28/2011 3:48PM

    great attitude!!! you WILL do it! i think i'm going to borrow that motto "shut up & do it" attitude for May too!

good luck doll :)

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WILLIAMV3 4/28/2011 3:28PM

    Good job, great attitude!

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MAGPIE17 4/28/2011 3:18PM

    Great perspective change, Esther!

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TEAM-SARAH 4/28/2011 2:12PM

    It's so great that you have the opportunity to work with a therapist to heal! Listen to them and you will be fine. You're wise, you are measuring your successes relative to what your body can give you now, not comparing yourself to where you were or where you want to be. Very healthy attitude, you'll heal up just fine :)

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SARAHJ19 4/28/2011 1:49PM

    Don't worry about last nights dinner! It happens! For me I looooveee Chinese food! Give yourself props for not over eating!

We must have been on the same wave lenght today because I told myself a lot of the things you listed out!
I will take each day as a lesson and a blessing- That one is my favorite!

You are going in the right direction friend! Keep it up! I am so happy to read this blog! Thanks!! emoticon

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HEAVENSSHADOW 4/28/2011 1:41PM

    You are on the right track, dearie. Consistency and Positivity are key to success on long journeys!!

As for sweet potatoes? Try slicing them like french fries, tossing them lightly in EVOO, then cracking salt/pepper and crushing dried rosemary over them. Then bake in the oven around 400 until crispy, turning once!
I found that I feel like they're a "treat" that way more than a plain ol' potato.

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CANNIE50 4/28/2011 1:24PM

    "Shut up and work through" - this will be my motto for today - thank you, I needed that and I needed the perspective.

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DIVALADY 4/28/2011 12:57PM


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Chobani, I Miss You!!! *tear*

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

So, yes...I forgot my yogurt today, which is making me extremely sad. I know that might sound silly to some people, but my Sparkies know what a good snack is like. We rely upon it. We trust in it. We don't have to think about how many calories are in it or if it fits into our day, because we just already know that it does. So now that it's 10am and time for a snack, I'm lamenting the loss of my Chobani. (Really, I just forgot it because I was running late this morning and forgot to grab one from the fridge.)

Truth is, besides a salad and some strawberries (which go ON the salad, mind you) in the fridge, I don't have my normal stand-bys today. Today will be a true test of will. I must figure out what I can/will eat for lunch and snacks. Problem 1 has already been solved by 15 almonds and a Clif Kid Twisted Fruit. YUM!

As for yesterday? Well, this old girl did alright, and I'm more than happy to report that.

emoticon I signed up for the Shape Up for Spring challenge and did my first 10 minute SP kickboxing video while in my office before the bell rang yesterday. (No, there is no bell here, but sometimes I feel like I'm being tortured with waiting for quitting time, much like I felt in school.)

emoticon Lunch with a friend? Heck yea! Met that challenge head on. Ordered their lunch special, which is supposed to = 1/2 pound of their famous "Power Pounder" sandwich. You pick the meat/cheese combo, they put it on a HUGE bun and add coleslaw and french fries. With the lunch special you get the 1/2 sandwich plus a side, which you can pick from a list of side salad, fruit cup, fries, or chips. I thought for a bit and then ordered a garden 1/2 burger, plain - no cheese, no slaw, no fries. Girl had the courage to ask me if I wanted those fries on the side. NO!! I don't want them anywhere near me or I WILL eat them, I explained to her (in less words and with more control...I'm good at hiding it sometimes). Of COURSE I ordered a side salad for the side, with fat-free Italian dressing.

The good: OMG this garden burger was so chock full of veggies you could SEE them. It wasn't vegetables trying to be hamburger, but rather looked like a hamburger with all kinds of veggies just packed into it. NOM! The 1/2 burger was small and on a LARGE 1/2 bun. I figured I'd remove at least the top of the bun. The "side" salad was HUGE for a "side" salad. Right on ya, PAG! That's the way it SHOULD be done. HUGE side of veggies with a small bit of protein. I think I fell in love with them right there and then. And as my friend looked longingly at my salad and kept saying, "I didn't know it would be that big! I should have gotten that!"

The bad: I KNOW that wasn't fat-free dressing because I KNOW what FF dressing looks like. *sigh* At least it was on the side and wasn't a huge portion. About 2 Tbsp., or one serving. They did put cheese on both the salad and the hamburger, but instead of picking all of it off, I made another call...a BETTER call.

The result: I ditched the bun altogether. It didn't look that great anyhow and was so oversized from the meat it just looked sad. I cut up the burger into bite sized pieces and after picking out pieces of crouton from my salad (useless, I tell you!), I piled on my burger pieces and put on some dressing.

BEST SALAD EVER. I'm half tempted to make this a once-a-week type thing it was so good. Maybe eventually I could get them to just ditch the bun for me and just give me a 1/2 garden burger on my salad with VERY LITTLE to NO cheese and FF dressing (I'll bring my own if I have to!).

Result? I win!

emoticon Speaking of food...then there was dinner. *sigh*

Okay, I'll admit it right here and now, while looking up where to eat lunch with my friend this Saturday on our girls' day out, I ran across a picture of a juicy steak from O'Charley's and my mouth started watering. Oh-Em-Gee! Steak! I wanted it....NOW!

For those that know me (well, probably not any of you really know this one about me), I don't really care for steak really. I rarely want steak (yeah, I laughed at the pun last night too). Still, all of a sudden I wanted steak. The rain had stopped and I did NOT want to watch the Zumba class go on AGAIN without me, so I put my tail between my legs, bypassed the gym and headed straight home. I walked in the door, told everyone to get ready and we were going OUT for dinner. (BTW - It wasn't me avoiding cooking - all my meat is actually still frozen as I forgot to set it out early enough. *sigh* Had to make a split decision to either go out or pop by the grocery store before heading home. I wanted to go out.)

We ended up at Ponderosa, where I ate a few buffet items, but basically ignored most of what I normally get so that I could focus on steak and my baked potato. NOM! Loved so much. And I have to say that it's probably the MOST successful buffet visit I ever had. I had no problem just saying, "Naw. I'm good, thanks." Usually I feel guilted to eat more by my Hubs, who seems to think "buffet" is code word for "eat as much as will physically fit in your stomach so you don't have to eat for three more days, thus saving us gobs of money in the process and making the cost of this meal unimportant to me." So, yeah, I had my steak. It was a 10 oz. Ribeye and I ate just less than half of it. I stuck to mostly sour cream on my baked potato (did you know it's much better calorie-wise than butter? If you have to have something, pick sour cream over butter). PLUS, with that steak in my belly, I didn't need to touch one single snack ALL NIGHT. WIN!

...okay, so maybe those few mini corn dogs weren't the most awesome choice...

emoticon So, now you're thinking - well she skipped the gym to go out! FAIL!

Yeah, I thought the same thing. And then at 9pm, I got BACK into my workout clothes from my jammies and put in Just Dance 2 in the Wii. For 35 minutes I rocked out with the kids watching me and giggling and cheering. As soon as I set it up Ethan announces, "I'll get her some water!" *lol* I didn't expect much from the game. I got it at Christmas but had never gotten to play it. The kids had played, as had my MIL, but this was my first time.

35 minutes later I was panting and happy and sweating and singing. Proud Mary? YES! The Charleston? Uhm, yes.

Of course, I paid for all this fun the rest of the night and will pay for it today as well. I immediately sat down and iced my hip after my workout, but I had already done a little more than it liked and it was sore. I popped an 800mg Ibuprofen, but that didn't much help either. Today I'm sore as all get out in that hip area, and I'm just certain I will be scolded by my physical therapist tomorrow when I report that I was feeling MUCH better and then ruined it all because my guilt and my need to rock out to Jackson 5 got the better of me.

So, today I will struggle through eating right since our house is basically depleated of the basics that get me through the day. I had to switch out my 1/2 a bagel this morning because Ethan ate the last bagel yesterday. Instead, I whipped up 1/2 c of oats with cinnamon, brown sugar, and a splash of Almond Joy coffee creamer. (Yep, I said ALMOND JOY COFFEE CREAMER. NOM!) It was quite good and I wasn't STARVING at 9:30am like I usually am.

I've got to make sure to make good choices the rest of the day as well.

On the docket for today?
* Video 2 for the challenge
* Lower Body Training tonight, and 20 min cardio
* Stop by store for stuff for dinner
* Ranch Cheddar Turkey Burgers and Steamed Broccoli is sounding mighty good as a dinner option...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNSWIMS 4/28/2011 12:40PM

    Almond Joy creamer sounds like a gift from the heavens.

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ERIN1128 4/28/2011 11:40AM

    I have to laugh, reading your blog...when I saw the title, I thought "oh no! Has she discovered something terrible that means I can't eat my beloved Chobani anymore?" Whew. LOL!

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TEAM-SARAH 4/28/2011 12:54AM

    Man... sometimes you totally just gotta have a steak haha. I rarely crave it too, I eat very little meat... but when I DO crave it it's like nothing will do until I get it in my belly!! So... I don't feel guilty when I do. Maybe it's my body saying I need more iron and protein!

Great job controlling yourself at a buffet. My family used to do buffets often, I have the father who thinks an all you can eat buffet is a personal challenge... so I know how that goes. He's also on the frugal side so he'd probably do the same to me that your husband does to you haha! Like... "is that all you're gonna eat? You have failed at buffet!"

I hope your hip feels better soon! Lesson learned to take it easy, eh?

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BRIGHTIDEA05 4/28/2011 12:39AM

    i too eat the same stuff all the time..and get cranky if i can't...its the only routine i can stick far

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CANNIE50 4/27/2011 9:46PM

    Thank you for sharing your life via blogging. Good job making lots of good decisions. Greek yogurt is one of my staples. I eat a couple spoonfuls before I work out in the morning and then put it in my protein smoothie after I get back. I agree with another poster - the fact that you felt well enough to dance,dance,dance is a good sign. You are getting stronger, inside and out, every day. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KARRYB1 4/27/2011 5:23PM

    I'm the same with my chobani I have gotten away from the sweet fruit on the bottom ones finally and just buy the plain and add fruit or a little honey. It's my treat for the day and keeps me away from cookies . Just love that creamy texture! emoticonI also eat a big salad topped with my turkey burger, or chicken, almost every day for lunch, fills me up and as long as there are lots of crunchy veggies I'm a happy camper.

Comment edited on: 4/27/2011 5:26:37 PM

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CINSROAD2HEALTH 4/27/2011 2:01PM

    Great blog! I so hate it when I forget my lunch or breakfast. Sounds like you have everything under control!

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TIGERJANE 4/27/2011 1:52PM

    Love your docket!!!

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BAREFOOT-LISA 4/27/2011 1:30PM

    oh my god.. I just had that creamer for the first time today. Crazy. And it was FANTASTIC! Changed my life.

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MAGPIE17 4/27/2011 12:41PM

    The fact that you WERE feeling better pre-dance party is a good sign, even if you're in pain now, so I'm sure that while you're facing a bit of a scolding, overall your PT will be happy!

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GRACEFULIFE 4/27/2011 12:18PM

    I had to almost entirely cut dairy, and Chobani is one of the things I miss quite a bit.

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KKINNEA 4/27/2011 12:14PM

    Rock on! I felt totally uncoordinated with the challenge video but if you do Zumba, I'm guessing you had no issues. Keep on going!

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 4/27/2011 11:44AM

    I getcha. Holy carp, I FREAK OUT when I start getting low on Greek yogurt. I have to have several of those plain nonfat quart tubs of it in my fridge or I get antsy.

I eat a LOT of Greek yogurt.

Especially with a scoop of vanilla whey mixed in. Recently I've been adding maple flavoring. mmmmmmm

As far as coming up with salads off the menu, I do it a lot. I frequently ask them to cut up my grilled meat and serve it on a bed of greens instead of the standard starch and fat-covered vegetables. No matter where I go I can usually get some version of this.

I also carry tuna envelopes with me, in case they don't have a satisfactory meat or I want to add my own.

And yeah, those low-cal salad spritzers work well on undressed restaurant salads.

It's amazing what you can find out there to eat, once you start looking at a menu as a list of optional ingredients rather than entrees... LOL

Comment edited on: 4/27/2011 11:48:32 AM

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SARAHJ19 4/27/2011 11:21AM

    Ahh man! Sorry you forgot your yogurt! Just stick with the snacks you have planned! Make your yogurt your dessert when you get home tonight!

Your breakfast sounded delicious! I am definitely going to get that coffee creamer! I love love Almond Joy's!

emoticon job at the buffet & lunch!! What will power you have! Sounds like you had a pretty awesome day! Except for your hip hurting.

Have a great rest of the day!

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KBENTLEY2646 4/27/2011 10:50AM

    Wow! You gave me inspiration today. I was just panicking because I realized i forgot my lunch (I too was running late). Thanks for sharing!

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Putting Together a Plan

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

As you can tell, I'm not lying when I say that sometimes I just need to hide. Like a turtle, I retreat into my shell when I feel threatened. Of course, this time the threatening was being done by me, but the outside world was only adding to both the temptation and frustration. I needed time to make repairs...and I'm not saying I'm done I have been lurking and not really allowing myself to say anything.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Truth is, when I get like this, I get defensive. Instead of telling myself to snap out of it, I find external motivation that will allow me to continue on my self-destructive path. I find justification and reinforcement by making everyone else the enemy. Hubs has played this role lately, and I must remember to apologize to him again once I get my head on straight (thankfully, this time I recognize when I do it and I actually do apologize either in the moment or after saying something like, "I know this sounds stupid right now, but I can't help feeling this way..." and later, "I'm just sorry I took it out on you. I'm just really frustrated right now.")

My self-hatred in these times turns to hatred of everyone else around me. It's a brutal thing, and something I've been trying so hard to conceal for years. This time, I tried turning things around on myself. It's not that I was beating myself up, but I was calling myself out on things that didn't make sense.

Esther reads a race recap where a person is a little disappointed over their 10:39 pace time.
Esther gets furious and wants to sprout out some comment about how they should shut their pie hole and just be happy they can run. She wants to tell them to stop complaining about how they don't WANT to do their training runs because she can't do any training runs. Hell, she can't even ZUMBA anymore. She wants to tell said person that they are ungrateful and unappreciative and they need to shut their traps and stop effin' whining. She also wants to tell them that they are effin' skinny already so they should stop rubbing it in my face that they lost 2 pounds when I can't even lose a half a pound. She wants to tell them to bugger off and leave the fatties to their diets, which will inevitably fail anyway.
Instead of spewing hate that has nothing to do with said person, Esther closes the window and tells herself to stop being so mean to everyone. She tells herself that it is PAIN and HURT she's feeling, and she's only turning it to ANGER in order to deal with it.

And, that, my dears, is why I hide. Because I don't want to say something I really DO NOT mean. I don't want to take down someone else just because I need to build myself up. (And, btw, stop wondering if the person in that example is you because it's not. It was completely random example...I would never reveal a real situation in order to make myself feel better - that's exactly what I'm avoiding right now!)

Unfortunately, some people don't understand this about me and start to feel hurt and abandoned by me. Totally understandable. And I'm deeply sorry for this, but it's the only way I've found to deal. I swear that I love you all still the same - but sometimes I have to back away to save both myself AND our friendship.

That being said, I'm feeling a lot better each and every day. After reading SUGIRL's blogs yesterday about her new plan of attack, I thought to myself, "That's exactly what I need! A NEW plan!" Silly how I didn't think of it before. Or maybe it just didn't stick because I wasn't ready. I've been making plans for weeks and not following through on them or getting frustrated after only a couple days. I know I'm still not going to be perfect, but I decided last night that I was going to struggle through and do the absolute BEST I could muster.

So I spent the day on watching the beautifully built Jamie Eason talk about things I really already knew. Somehow, they sounded different, reinforced or something, and I devoted myself to a basic plan of attack with some changes along the way...working back toward what I wanted to do all along. ALWAYS have a plan, my friends. And if it fails, make another - again and again until it sticks.

With the program that Jamie Eason suggested for me on (yes, I do pretend that Jamie Eason and I had a conversation yesterday, rather than me watching mass produced and marketed videos of her...let me have my fantasy! ;) ), and the talk I had with the exercise physiologist at my gym last Friday, I'm coming up with a new plan of action...and a couple back up plans as well.

Oh, let me back track and mention what I talked to the physiologist about on Friday. Truth is, I made the girl cry...and I almost cried to. She basically started the conversation with, "So, what's up?" and I laid into her like she was my own private shrink. I kept wondering what I needed to pay her for the hour and if she had a cot hidden away somewhere that would make this heart pouring session a little easier to take. I told her that I was hurt and lost. I explained my injuries and that both the doctor and the physical therapist had suggested that I basically do nothing for the next however many weeks and still somehow manage to lose weight. I suggested that I not eat for the next couple months, but that didn't seem like the most logical answer to the problem. I told her that while I'm usually the kind of person that does not like things like meal plans and exercise routines "assigned" to me, that was exactly what I needed right now. "I need someone to just say - 'Stop your whining. Do this, this and this and we'll meet again in a few weeks to see how that's going.' I need a kick in the pants."

I explained to the physiologist that because I was being stripped of everything I knew worked, and because I felt like I was all alone, especially since the closure of the daycare means that Hubs can no longer be my workout partner, that I was angry and confused. I told her that being at the gym, working the stationary bike like it's my biatch is more difficult than I ever imagined. Not only do I effin' hate that machine for how dull it is, my legs and feet go numb if I do more than 20 minute, my heart rate never hits the higher points it was reaching when I was running and doing Zumba, and I kept looking around at everyone around me doing all the things I wanted to be doing instead and I just wanted to quit.

I told her that quitting was not acceptable. That this was my cry for help. "I don't want to keep losing 100 pounds, gain 50 back and then wait another 5 years before I try again." I explained that I knew that feeling was coming back - all those feelings of defeat and loss that I had before I started. Those well known phrases had returned of "Maybe I'm just always destined to be fat" (which, I have determined may actually be a possibility according to society's understanding of the word "fat" considering that my last measurement of Fat-Free Mass was 170+ pounds on a 5'8 frame). I looked straight at her and said, "I'm not done. I can't be done. I can't be done at 330 pounds and still about 50% body fat. It's not acceptable. I'm not accepting it. Now I need you to help me - to push me back up on the horse before I fall off and vow never to ride again."

It wasn't until we talked about how difficult it was for me to ask for help that I made her cry. She explained that everyone, no matter their size or sex, have huge difficulty speaking up and asking for help - I'm assuming she really meant herself. She stopped for a moment and composed herself before telling me how brave she thought I was and how happy she was that I got the courage to stop her and ask for her help - and she admitted that she didn't know if she was that courageous. She finally said that she would spend the weekend devising a plan for me centered around, of all things, weight resistance training. She asked me how skiddish or resistant I was to being in the weight lifting room with the big dudes, and I told her that those guys were like my friends now. I told her that lifing barbells made me feel powerful and more in control than weight machines did. I told her to avoid pull-ups and maybe the squatting machine where you support the weight on your shoulders (because it worries me with my knee) but that everything else was fair game. She told me she would have a routine ready for me in the next week.

As for cardio? The goal is simple - fit in cardio 3-5 times a week. And do what works for me. We talked about avoiding the gym for cardio if it only manages to piss me off. And I told her that lately it was about me being creative to get it in. I told her that earlier that day I spent an hour scrubbing my bathroom from top to bottom as a form of cardio and she said that things like that, as well as walks with the kids and tennis with the Hubs - fun things I actually liked, were key. She said to be careful of my hip/back and, if it hurt to simply stop and find something else.

And then, because I know she had a tendancy to not follow through and I didn't want to rely upon her promise of a program for the gym last night, I ended up on, I guess, was a good place for me to be yesterday.

emoticon The Plan
It's a 6-week plan. Jamie told me (*wink*) that we should change up the routine every 6-8 weeks to avoid both boredom from the program and our bodies adjusting to the exercises too much. It centers on weight training as a means of building lean muscle and sucking out the fat, and as a way to maintain a semblance of a routine while my hip/back tries to heal. It pulls in cardio, which I may have to change to accomodate the hip, and which I have given full permission to myself to change completely in order to keep myself on task, 3-5 times a week. Btw - I have decided that 20 minutes of burning fewer calories in a lesser intensive cardio exercise is still 20 minutes and is better than doing nothing because I'm pissed about it. Period. End of story.

Day 1: Upper Body Weight Training and 20 minutes on the Stairmaster

Okay, just the thought of doing the Stairmaster for 20 minutes makes me want to laugh and vomit at the same time. I doubt I could, but I'm willing to try and see how far I get, attempting to increase the time each week. I will, however, have to be careful of the hip/back situation on this one. That being said, yesterday was day one. I had decided this AFTER my 20 minute walk to the market and back for lunch, and while I considered doing the stairmaster later, I ended up opting out of it completely when Hubs was ready to go - babysitters run scarce in this town and we have to work on their schedules. *sigh* It wasn't until this morning that I realized - I did 20 minutes cardio. DUH! I'm calling it a great day, especially considering I THINK I was below or at my calorie goals (which, btw - the site needs to reassess their calorie needs calculator because that thing told me to eat nearly 5k calories A DAY! Wow. Uhm, no. I know better) and I drank a TON of water.

Day 2: 30-40 minutes Stationary Bike at moderate pace

This is the plan for tonight. Well, actually, this is plan B. Plan A, if it is sunny enough and the ground is not too soaked (which it likely will be after the storms last night) is to mow the front lawn with the new mower. Actually, I think the bike is plan C, because if the lawn is too wet and the sun is still out, I'd rather prefer to pick up all the boys and go play tennis or walk at the park or something...I'd even prefer to steal Hubs' bike and attempt an outdoor bike ride. Anything other than riding that stupid stationary bike for 40 minutes while attempting the entire time to get my heart rate up and also attempting to strangle, choke, and maim the people across from me running on the treadmill and my Zumba class next to me bouncing up and down.

Day 3: Rest, Rejuvenate and Remotivate

So, Jamie told me that rest is super important to losing fat and building muscle. For some reason, I believed her. It may have something to do with her killer arms or her rock hard abs, or it could have just been the way she explained it (it was probably the abs). Either way, she explained that I should take 1-2 days off each week to rest my muscles. She explained that it wasn't necessary for me to do absolutely nothing on both of those days, but that one day should be devoted to rest from all exercise. The other, she said, should be used as an uber-light day using something like yoga and stretching techniques to aid in the muscle repair process, build flexibility, but not overwork any muscles completely. Other things she suggested for these days? Batch cooking - getting my meals in order for the week. Brilliant! I thought. Use the off days to be prep days for the on days. Work another angle. I know that last week I needed to focus on the food over the exercise. Some days I NEED that. I can use my rest days for that. I can also use them to rejuvenate myself with a nice bath - rewarding myself for the week's work I'm putting in. I can relax that night and focus on settling my mind, getting it ready for the rest of the week. I can find ways to keep myself motivated on this day by reading Spark articles and fitness magazines and really keeping that fire alive. I LOVE this idea of using a "rest" day as a training day for the mind and spirit. I say it again -- BRILLIANT!

Day 4: Lower Body Weight Training and 20 minutes on the Treadmill jogging (or, for me, fast walking)

More weight training. Last night, Hubs and I only managed to eek out 2 circuits of the 3 circuit plan that Jamie gave me (yep, the physiologist failed me and didn't leave anything for me at the least not that I saw). Still, we left telling each other, "Dang! That was a GOOD workout!" It's been a while since we've really had one of those days. Of course, Jamie suggests for other people to jog on the treadmill, but I'm going to modify that and walk quickly on the thing - more at a race pace to challenge myself. And, of course, this treadmill fast-walking will be a plan B or C as I try to find more productive things that will burn calories - like cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom, or the garage! *lol* Although, more than likely, it would be better for me to just do that cardio spurt as a walk at lunch - splitting up my workout time so I don't constantly feel like I'm at the gym punishing myself.

Day 5: 30-40 minutes Elliptical

Again, another cardio day. The elliptical is something else that the docs are iffy on if I should try again. I've been told I can try, but if it hurts I should stop. Again, another plan B or C as I try to find something fun outside - a sport with the kids! - or some sort of cleaning spurt that will take up the same amount of time. My bedroom could certainly use a good deep clean as I get rid of all the clothes I can no longer wear.

Day 6 - HIT Full Body Weight Training -- NO Cardio

Okay, I have to admit it, the idea of having a high-intensity weight training day without also doing cardio both confused me and thrilled me. ONE DAY when I don't have to worry about cardio WHATSOEVER. Beyond the 5 minute warm-up and cool down, I don't have to even touch a treadmill or elliptical or come up with some brilliant plan to avoid those machines while still getting in my minutes. According to Jamie, the way we do these in circuits keeps my heart rate up anyhow and will really help me lose fat. Sounds good to me, Jamie! I trust your abs...err, I mean, you. So this will be the day I get to say that I'm "hitting it hard" at the gym. I get to leave with my muscles pulsing feeling like a darn rockstar. I can't hardly wait! I'm also super stoked that it will fall on a Saturday, which means that I will need to get up early that morning, get my breakfast, and then get to the gym to get it fit in during the small window they're open Saturday (10a-2p). I think I need to start my weekends with a workout like that because that way I'll remember that when I start preparing meals.

Day 7: Rest, Rejuvenate, and Remotivate

Ah, and somehow magically, I get my final rest day on Sunday - the day that I have most normally reserved for my batch cooking days. Brilliant!!

emoticon So now that we've got that under control - we need to figure out emoticon

They've set down a diet on not unlike Spark's plan. Of course, they think I should eat 5k calories a day, which is absolutely hilarious, but otherwise, I can adjust. I know I need to stay around 1600-1800 calories a day. Jamie says I need to shoot for that 40/40/20 goal. You know it -- 40% protein, 40% complex carbs, and 20% healthy fats. They set down a diet plan that works for someone consuming about 2200 calories and will need to be modified. The things I noticed on the list and have taken away from it, however are -

1. Keep it simple. Grilled chicken, brown rice, and olive oil can make a great meal.
2. Find a way to eat oats. I have heard so many great things about them and I'm sure with some spice/honey/milk or whatever magic I can find a perfect way to eat oats that is still healthy.
3. Lots of green vegetables. Broccoli and spinach are our friends.
4. Do meals that are easy to construct for lunches throughout the week and keep well.
5. For at least one meal a day, eat just a lean protein and vegetables.
6. Eat every 2.5 to 3 hours.
7. Drink 1/2 to 1 gallon of water - even more on days when I'm working out.
8. Eat protein at EVERY meal.
9. Eat 1-1.5 hours before a workout - protein and carbs. And find a great post-workout meal or shake (the protein shakes are returning!) along with a carb post-workout.

Most of these principles I follow already, but I've been off the wagon so long, that I have to find a way to stick to a bland and boring diet for a week or two (at least mostly) so I remember to savor the wonderful flavors that are already in my healthy meals that I cook. I've taken it for granted. So, next week, if I can force myself to do it -- LORD HELP ME! I'm going to try to be completely 100% boring when it comes to food. I hope it will help me focus on food as fuel instead of food as fun.

Breakfast will consist of mostly egg whites with one whole egg, cooked somehow, along with a 1/2 cup of oats.
Meal 2 will be a peanut butter sandwich on wheat bread with a fruit like strawberries.
Meal 3 will be chicken, a sweet potato (lord, help me...I'm not a fan), broccoli.
Meal 3 will be chicken, brown rice, spinach.
Meal 4 is fish, brown rice, and mixed vegetables.
And post-workout I'll need to have a protein shake and a carb.

The only problem I'm having is that I've always been told not to have fish more than 2-3 times a week. Maybe I've heard wrong all these years, but I can't get past that. My other problem? OMG that sounds like a LOT of food. *shrug*

I'll admit it, I hate the thought of being so damn boring when I know it's not necessary. I don't want to diet, I want to live healthy - and I don't want to eat chicken, rice and broccoli for every single meal for the rest of my life. BLAH! So, I'm thinking about it. I'm considering doing it for a week or two and then gradually incorporating back in some meals that I like. Of course, every moment I think about it, I'm leaning more toward just finding a way to adapt my healthy style of eating to the 40/40/20 rule and that is sounding brilliant right about now. Don't get me wrong, I love chicken, brown rice, and broccoli - but I don't want to eat it for every meal...end of story. The one thing I WILL take away from this is the whole eggs and oats for breakfast. I'm going to try that one because I think it will start my day out a little better. We shall see.

emoticon Do you follow the 40/40/20 rule? How do you ensure you still get variety while you maintain eating healthy and sticking to the "rules"? And how often do you treat yourself.

Three other things I caught on the site -

1. Only have sundaes on Sunday.
2. Pick lunch or dinner to have dessert, not both.
3. Once every couple weeks, go ahead and treat yourself.

I think I'll take those three with me, whether or not I follow the "boring, but simple" plan.

emoticon So, there it is. I have a plan. Sorta. *lol* I got day one completed yesterday. Sorta. And I'm plenty happy with that. I really am glad I found the site and I think I'm going to buy a couple things from them - vitamins, some powder drink for during workouts (to add to your water), and some fish oil capsules. They really talk a lot of supplements over there, but I'm really not all crazy about all of that. I do think the fish oil and vitamins are a great idea, and the Xtend stuff - I have to try it. I feel like it might help me get through the tough lifting days. Worse comes to worse I waste a few bucks and nothing happens...I haven't seen anyone complain about anything except for the taste of some of the flavors or it not really working for them. We shall see...

Today, I'm going to lunch with a friend at my favorite burger place, so I need to see what else they have and what I'm going to fit in today for lunch.

I've got a couple more days this week, and I've got to make sure I get all my cobra stretches in each day. I've been pretty good about it - I even pulled out a blanket in my FIL's garage on Saturday night and did my stretches at Hubs' birthday party. But I forget now and again, so I'm trying but I'm not perfect...that's just going to have to be good enough. I see the PT again on Thursday so I hope we can start healing me up (the hip is feeling better..the back is starting to hurt, though).

Also, I'm thinking I need a weekend me day. Well, me and AM. I'm going to see if my friend is free this weekend. I'm thinking lunch, dress shopping for our bridesmaid dresses, drinks maybe, maybe a movie - ooh, I could get my hair cut while I'm down here...maybe we could do mani/pedis? Either way, I think we need some quality time...I know *I* do!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCHENPOSSIBLE 4/27/2011 12:17PM

    You have a plan and that's half the battle. Keep fighting. You'll get to where you need to go. emoticon

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_MSAPRIL17_ 4/27/2011 10:07AM

    I love your plan!!!!

Isn't it a good feeling when you are able to put it all out there in black and white to see? I love that and it looks like you have an awesome one here!

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CREATINGAMANDA 4/27/2011 10:01AM

    It sounds like you've got a really great plan! And you're right: YOU ARE NOT DONE. You can do this, E. Sometimes it's just the thing where you've got to keep moving and eventually you'll be feeling it again.

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RUNNINGNP2B 4/27/2011 8:28AM

    Sorry that Fartmunch (or whatever their name is) has a hard time reading, this was a great blog. Nice response to their worthless comment as well.

Back to you - great great great blog. I love how much you share with us. It's tough when you feel that anger to pull yourself out and create a plan of attack, but you did it. You're pulling in all the big guns, and I am proud of you. Do you realize how many people would have given up by now??? With the same or at least similar situations? That's right, a ton of people would. Not our E. You, you get angry, and you plan a way to get to where you want to be. I am proud of you and happy. You can do this.

Nothing but love and high 3s emoticon

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STLRZGRRL 4/27/2011 8:09AM

    Lucky for your first commenter that there's a SHORT little PILL to make them perfect, huh?


Srsly, E., the 40/40/20 deal is something I struggle with every damn day... the closest I get to hitting the right combination of nutrients is when I mostly eat... uh... protein powder... and I just KNOW that's not the way to build a life...

but you see how eating clean gives you a LOT of food to fuel the bod...

and getting through injuries and illness is like an added shot of fun to what is already a long and freaking winding road, right?

But that's why we all found each other... to help each other get there.. and we're GOIN'... and YER COMIN' WITH!!!

As for the HAD... I don't know what my excuse is... WAD...

I have Work Affective Disorder...

Which reminds me... I guess I have to go and be affected now...

Love you, Woman...
Sorry if this comment was tfl;dfr...

Comment edited on: 4/27/2011 8:10:30 AM

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  Meh, you're a better person than me about that comment, I would have said "No problem, Stupid!".

In other more important, longer, news...awesome plan m'dear! Do you think that Jamie would be willing to talk to me? Is there a place where you can plug in your body metrics (ohhh that sounds fancy!), or is it just a one example plan?

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MAMADELIGHT 4/27/2011 7:15AM

    you continue to inspire me. I am all for a me day. Make it happen.

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 4/26/2011 10:00PM

    First off, I want to give that physiologist a piece of my mind. What is her deal? Does she work through the gym or is she a subcontractor? I might talk to her boss.

Okay now onto your plan.... It sounds amazing. Food sounds bland, but remember you can always throw some fresh herbs in there and add some flavor and not add many calories. When I get back to brown rice and chicken (sometimes I mix it up with shrimp as well) I thrown in some onions, peppers, sugar snap peas and make a non stir fry type dinner.

Okay, now I'm off to to check out your friend Jamie.

Thanks for sharing your plan!

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 4/26/2011 9:56PM

    First off, I want to give that physiologist a piece of my mind. What is her deal? Does she work through the gym or is she a subcontractor? I might talk to her boss.

Okay now onto your plan.... It sounds amazing. Food sounds bland, but remember you can always throw some fresh herbs in there and add some flavor and not add many calories. Doing a modified

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MENACE79 4/26/2011 8:53PM

    I love your honesty, and found myself nodding along with this whole post. Your plan sounds totally kick-ass, and given that I have read lots of your blogs about what you have done in the RECENT past, I know that you can totally kill it!

A you day is a fantastic idea - try to pause a few times throughout the day and just *be*. I find when I have a much needed day of celebrating me, I commit every detail to memory as I am lying in bed drifting off to sleep that night, and the next night, and the next... helps keep that feeling fresh and accessible.

Hold on tight - you got this!

Comment edited on: 4/26/2011 8:54:30 PM

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CANNIE50 4/26/2011 4:19PM

    Oh, the poor poster who whined about the length - just doesn't get it. Okay, I LOVED this blog. Thank you for putting so much time and thought and effort into sharing this plan. I learned a lot from reading it, and I have to agree, using an exercise rest day as a day to make the exercise days go better: truly brilliant. I am SO excited to learn that you are going to focus on strength training, and incorporate non-gym cardio into your life - this will make a big difference in how you feel. I am also glad to hear you are planning on incorporating eggs and oats, and before and after exercise protein shakes. One suggestion about the oatmeal: cinnamon, it helps regulate blood sugar while it spices up the oatmeal. Beebea did a great blog recently about the many ways she eats oatmeal, complete with photos and recipes. I look forward to reading more of your blogs, and to hearing how your plans are going. Thank you for a shot of inspiration. PS I could relate to the "mean to husband" comments - I JUST blogged about this very thing today. You should read it - you might relate emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/26/2011 4:21:14 PM

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KKINNEA 4/26/2011 1:38PM

    Not being ready for a new plan is always the hardest. Sounds like your new plan is solid - let us know the results!

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TIGERJANE 4/26/2011 12:33PM

    wowee - we're in the same boat with the exercise stuff. Glad to see I'm not the only one seeing red when people talk about their runs! It's really killing me. I even had to skip my HM!! It'll be two years in May that I've been dealing with injuries. The pain really does shift around. Not to discourage you! You're really working on healing, and I wasn't so good about that and I'm paying the price. I'm sure you won't take nearly as long :)

The food plan the website talked about really really works. But as you said, it's bland and hard to stick with long term. Stick it out as long as you can, cause you really will drop a bunch of weight each week if you stay on it. I lost four pounds in five days the first week! And it stayed off. but alas, I'm pretty much off that wagon, cause it IS hard to stick with. The eggs and oats combo will keep you full and energized a really long time, so if you can stick with that it'll make a big difference.

Jamie Eason is my favorite fitness model. Mostly cause I wish I looked like her, haha! I'm gonna check out that website. Also I can't say enough good things about my current protein powder. My biggest gripe with most powders is their grittiness, flavor, and after-taste. A metallic after-taste seems to be the norm, and I'm not down. But my synthra-6 chocolate flavor is THE BEST. It shakes up smooth and tastes like a rich cup fo chocolate milk - and I make it with water! No after taste, no grittiness, and it truly tastes good. It comes in the red shiny package. I also take fish oil (hekps reduce inflammation, which would definitely help with your injuries!!).

Good luck finding what works for you! I'm so glad you're not letting this temporary set-back completely derail your program. You may have bad days or weeks, but in the grand scheme of things you always get back at it, and I really admire that tenacity.

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RIGBY31 4/26/2011 12:11PM

    Girl, your blog... every last word!... spoke to me. I am so lacking in the "plan" dept. I'm also doing a major overhaul (and "boring" food is good; it streamlines the thought process). Thanks!

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TEAM-SARAH 4/26/2011 11:46AM

    I understand how anger can get the best of you. I'm the same way. Especially with your running example! When you typed that my thought totally was "aww crap I just had a blog where I lamented my summer half marathon time when a lot of people would be really stoked just to finish PERIOD" It puts it into perspective though. I SHOULD be thankful that I can and do get out there and run. And you WILL be able to do that too someday! Someday you too will be frustrated about a pace that was once a huge achievement for you :)

Bottom line is... no one wants to take a step back, whatever the reason for it. Sometimes those set backs are inevitable and just out of your control and you're staying sooo strong through yours and that's inspiring in itself. You are still in control. You are doing all you can, you are FIGHTING. You can't hit your marks ALL the time and it's also totally OK to hide sometimes. Just not permanently :)

... and you're not. You're here with a plan and it's an excellent one! Very very specific (don't forget to allow yourself some wiggle room, if you don't adhere exactly to the plan you are NOT A FAILURE!!) but it's so great to reach for the stars! If you've proven anything to yourself in your year on spark it's that you can get through just about anything that maybe used to be an easy excuse in the past. This injury will be just another obstacle that you will come out on top, victorious!

PS: I definitely teared up a little myself reading about your talk with your exercise physiologist!! Asking for help is so crucial, it's something many of us have trouble doing. Bravo :)

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ERIN1128 4/26/2011 11:34AM

    I think Jamie gave you some great advice (wink) - I love the idea of changing up the workout every 6 weeks to avoid boredom. And I think coming up with a new plan at regular intervals, totally makes sense. I'm kind of in re-start mode myself, so this blog really speaks to me!

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SARAHJ19 4/26/2011 11:18AM

    Who would leave a comment like that? What a jerk!

I love that you are so detailed with your blogs! I think it will be great for you to go back and look at it later!

I love your new plan! Something new and different will be great! Now it's time for me to come up with a new plan!! Hope you get in some *me* time this weekend! You deserve it!
emoticon emoticon

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CATHYHASSPARK 4/26/2011 11:05AM

    I re read your post and re read it, wow Im so glad I am not the only one in the world that feels that way! I have been depressed and discouraged lately and t his gives me hope that i can do this thank you !

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~INDYGIRL 4/26/2011 11:03AM

    New plans really refresh me!

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CALLIKIA 4/26/2011 11:01AM

    I love chicken and fish, don't get me wrong. And brown rice? I'm like a kungfu master at finding ways to get rice in my diet no problem. :) But, I think I'll get bored SUPER fast and I'm afraid of that. *shrug* Like I said, still thinking on it...whatever happens won't happen until next week because I already have this week's groceries in the fridge/freezer. I still have a few days to figure this out.

And Mags - I am going to have to stay on her, I'm sure of it. I'll give her a couple more days to get back on track before I call again to bug her. And I'm hoping the physical therapist can help me out with the plan as well.

Comment edited on: 4/26/2011 11:02:49 AM

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MAGPIE17 4/26/2011 11:01AM

    Sorry to hear the PT at the gym wasn't able to get her act together. I'm getting the impression that you need to stay on her to get anything out of her, so harass her 'til you get what you need. Glad you found something that will work in the meantime, but you should really have a specific program to account for your hip/spine.

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HSMOM2FOUR 4/26/2011 10:59AM

    ok -- couple of things.
1) totally ignore the comment about that it was too long to read it all. that was just a wierd comment to leave at all... totally not a Spark-comment!!
2) I *loved* that it was long and detailed -- not only did you write it all down so that YOU could look back at it, but it gives you accountability and it gives the rest of us great ideas!
3) I *LOVE* the idea of using your 'off' day as a prep day -- GENIUS!!! Really - why wasn't that one obvious to me to begin with?!?!?! But I'm loving it!!! Thank you SO much for sharing - because that can really help me change my whole week - to deliberately use that day off as still a day 'on' plan!

I hope you have a FABULOUS day!!!

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ABETTERCHERYL 4/26/2011 10:56AM

    Why would people even leave a comment like that?! Jack asses.

Okay just a few things that I was thinking of while I was reading this. First, that's a lot of chicken. I can't handle that much chicken all the time... it's like I need more of a variety of texture or something. I've always thought you can have as much fish as you want but that you should limit salmon to 2-3 times a week because it is fatty (good fats mind you but a lot of them). Also, how about nonfat cottage cheese as a protein for a meal? It's delicious with some shredded carrots and chopped green onions with it or just a cut up tomato on the side. Also try throwing in some small cut up veggies into your brown rice, it helps with the boredom. Think of it as a stuffing where you can throw just whatever into it. Spices, veggies, whatever you have. Experiment. Same goes with spices on the chicken.

For the fish, omg, here is what I absolutely love. Go buy some lemons and just use a small amount of olive oil in the pan so it doesn't stick, heat it up, throw the fish in, thinly slice half of the lemon and put it on top of the fish as it cooks and squeeze the lemon juice from the other half into the pan. It turns out freakin' delicious for like a tiny amount of added calories. YUM.

Hugs to you Esther.

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KARVY09 4/26/2011 10:47AM

    Just delete those a-hole comments. LOL. It's unfortunate that people get Sparkpoints for writing drivel like that.

I'm glad you have a plan of attack, E. And I hope that you are able to make it work into your schedule. It's definitely a REALLY specific plan. Be sure to be flexible with yourself if you are unable to meet it to the letter of your plan.

I know you will be back up and running someday. You just need to do what you can now and keep your spirits up even when it's tough to do so.

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GIRLGONEWOLF 4/26/2011 10:35AM

    Wow, thanks for sharing all your plans! I'm in the same place in terms of fighting frustration with a new plan...but how much healthier is that response rather than eating and watching tv? WAY HEALTHIER! I feel so much more encouraged and determined after reading your thoughts. Hope today goes great!!

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CALLIKIA 4/26/2011 10:28AM

    Wow. That's so...helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and comment.

I apologize if this comment is too long for you to read as well. I should just shorten it to -

"Thanks...for nothing."

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FCARMICH 4/26/2011 10:19AM

  too long to read it all

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