Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Alright, ladies and gents. My body is still sore from all the workouts I've handed it the past few days. For this reason, I do NOT want to push it for a HM in just a month's time. The most I've ever walked is 7 miles, really...and to basically double that in 4 weeks? It just doesn't sound like a good idea...especially since I'm back on the running wagon again. Plus, I think it will be MORE hilarious NEXT year when I RUN the Flying Pig HM. Yep. I said it. Next year. If all goes well, I should be more than ready to RUN the half marathon in May in Cinci. That sounds VERY good to me. So, yes. Plans can change. New plan? Coming Right Up!
First of all, I'm going to keep working the C25k program. I'll take it as slow as I need to, but I have high hopes of making it to week 5 this time around. While I'm doing that, I have a doctor's appointment Friday to get a referral for either an orthopedic surgeon or a podiatrist, or both. I'd love to get fitted with a knee brace and to make sure I have all I need to be a successful runner from here on out.
So I got this crazy idea this morning. A crazy, brilliant idea!
April 23rd is the Distance for Diabetes 5k here in Charleston.
April 30th is the Beer Mug 5k/10k in Hilliard, OH.
May 7th is the Capital City Quarter/Half Marathon in Columbus, OH.
Does that sound crazy wonderful to you?
Saturday 1 - 5k
Saturday 2 - 10k
Saturday 3 - Quarter Marathon
And the 8th of May? Yes. That's Mother's Day and I will be asking Hubs tonight for the BEST. GIFT. EVER. A spa package at the local day spa in town. Now, I realize that the flaw in my plan is that they are closed on Sundays (would have been great to get my massage and such on Sunday after the QM), but I can just tack it on to the end.
Saturday 4 - Spa day? Yes, please!
Now, this is the plan in a perfect world. And things could get flawed. I can tell you right now that I will dial the spa FOR HIM if I have to because I want this more than anything - and they have affordable min-packages that include a massage, so I'd be good with that. (Dream day? Massage, facial, manicure...but I won't be picky about it.)
I haven't researched quite enough to find good races for May and June, so I may refocus then and go into swimming mode. (I admitted to Hubs the other night that doing a Tri is my ultimate goal one day....to be fit enough to complete 3 different athletic events in one day, back to back? That sounds like a winner to me! I'm no where near ready for it yet...but that doesn't mean I can't start on some training.)
June is also hiking month. Ever since our 5.5 hour hike last year at Old Man's Cave, I vowed to return the next year and try it again, just to see how much my body had changed. So June will be the month for that trip and I'm SO looking forward to it. This time the goal is to NOT get lost and to go from OMC to Cedar Falls to Ash Cave and back again.
July? Well, there's the Beerathlon in OH that I've teased Hubs that we should invite our old buddies to. We had a group that used to all get together and hang out. Now we're basically coupled off, those of us who have survived...and most of us are in some way concerned with health/fitness activities and eating right. So I'm going to pitch it to them here soon. W&K, A&D, and Hubs and I. Let's ALL OF US walk or run the Beerathlon, which ends at BW3s where we'll consume mass quantities of crap-for-us food with the knowledge that we worked it off first (yea, right! I'm talking about 3 vegetarians and 2 health food nuts...we do all drink beer, though... ;) ). I think it'd be a blast just to say we did it. We could get some sort of matching gimicky outfits. More than ever this year I realize that I don't JUST want a race challenge - I want a race to be FUN!
Of course August will be the Debbie Green Memorial. I promised myself I would return the next year to (hopefully) RUN the 5k I first walked.
And, no, I didn't abandon HM goals. All of this will put me in great shape with plenty of training time to do the Emerald City HM in September...placing me as far away from Charleston as I care to get, and away from the memories that just about broke my son's heart (and mine in return) last year at the 10k there. It's my kick in the face to them. I will NOT compete in that race again until they fix what they broke. Done and done. For me, that's redemption.
So, yes. It's crazy. But I think it just might work. Hubs will HATE those 3 weekends in a row, but I have to let him know it's all for a reason. I need this. I need to get my race spirit back and reclaim everything that is good about races. PRs and fundraising for great charities and the fun of it all and a giddy, motivational atmosphere. That was what I got out of my first 5k and the last 2 as well of 2010. And I MUST reclaim that. Part of that started this month at the 7k, when I got swept away with joy at the end realizing I had PRed, but I made a promise that day to do every race for SOME reason. A GOOD reason. It had to mean something to me other than distance. It had to fit into MY plans and MY path and what I wanted out of a race. I love PRs. I love pretty medals. And I love knowing that my money goes to a good cause. I love racing with friends and sharing that spirit with them at the finish line when it's all over. Time to leave all the past "woe is me"s behind.
That being said, I'm scared. I'm scared I won't follow through. I'm scared my body won't hold out. But if I have learned anything so far this year, it is to face what you fear head on.
"He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
So, without further ado...
Race Schedule 2011
* 4/23/11 - Distance for Diabetes 5k - Charleston, WV
* 4/30/11 - Beer Mug 10k - Hilliard, OH
* 5/7/11 - Capital City Quarter-Marathon - Columbus, OH
* 7/17/11 - Beerathlon 5k - Columbus, OH
* 8/6/11 - Debbie Green Memorial 5k - Wheeling, WV
* 9/4/11 - Emerald City HM - Dublin, OH
P.S. ....I can't WAIT to run today! *lol*
EDIT: P.P.S. I signed up for a Zumba Master's class on Friday night. I'll be working out WITH my Zumba Instructor instead of behind her. :)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Yes, yes. They've been all around my office too. Truth? I don't buy GS cookies...not anymore. When I was a Girl Scout and had money to spare, I'd buy a box...and eat all of it in one sitting. It's part of what I've been thinking about lately, recognizing and acknowledging my binge eating disorder and how I've come to control it (for the most part). But that's not really what this blog is about...at least not intentionally.
Let me start with a story.
I grew up on a quiet street in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio. On the east side, before it turned nasty and then got an overhaul. The house next to us filtered in and out of owners like the place was haunted, but most of the rest of the street remained relatively unchanged.
Across the street from us was Teresa and her son (my age) and daughter (my sister's age). I still remember the day they moved in. We were so hopeful that we'd finally have friends to play with. Jeremy, their son, turned out to be one of those popular kids. At school, he was forced to keep up appearances, but when it was just he and I, he was sweet and kind to me and I helped him with his math homework. Thankfully, we went to separate schools (yes, our town was strange like that...across the street was a different school entirely) so our two worlds never had to collide. We soon grew out of our friendship, but knowing he was kind at heart made all the news of the trouble-making he'd done at school that much harder to believe for my innocent mind. As I grew, I wanted to make him better. It was my first lesson in how you can't change people, no matter how hard you try to care about them. (There is a lesson here, or else I wouldn't have jumped to writing it when this story is not about Jeremy...so I'll save this here for later.)
Two doors down from Jeremy was an older lady named Doris. Doris was that cool older woman on the street. She didn't get on you because your hair was weird or you listened to the wrong music. She'd feed you cookies and milk when you came over. Every Halloween she'd set up some crazy scary straw man with a bowl of candy in his lap and then encourage each child (who she felt was old enough) to take as much as they wanted. I loved her in a way I couldn't describe. And one thing about Doris - she LOVED Girl Scout cookies. Every year when this time would come around, I'd go to Doris's house first, knowing she was always up for buying a couple boxes. Two boxes actually. Exactly two every time like clockwork. Doris was not a big lady. In fact, she was in good shape. She looked great for her age, no doubt due to an excellent diet and her hours spent maintaining her beautiful lawn and home. But every year, Doris bought 2 boxes of Girl Scout cookies.
One day I asked her about it. I asked her why always two. (I probably wondered why she wasn't stocking her house full of them like I would so I could have a box a day!) She explained to me that every year when her cookies came, she would have one or two right out of the box before sealing the entire rest of the package and sticking them in her freezer. She told me that every now and again, she'd have one or two cookies from the package and then she'd put them away again. By the time I rolled around the next year, Doris was just finishing up her second box of cookies.
Yes, you heard me right. It took her ONE YEAR to eat 2 boxes of Girl Scout cookies.
And, just for added proof, I got this from the GS's website:
"Girl Scout Cookies do not contain preservatives. They are all made with pure vegetable shortening, are kosher, and freeze well to extend their shelf life."
That doesn't sound SO bad, does it?!
What's the point of this story? Isn't it obvious. Doris taught me my very first lesson about treats in moderation. I still think of her when I think about how I want a cookie. It's one of the ways I've managed this Binge Eating Disorder or Compulsive Eating Disorder in the way I have...systematically.
Let me give you another example.
When I went to Minnesota, I bought a package of Lindor truffles to take with me. Somehow they made it into Paula's house from my car and I heard someone at some point shunningly say, "Who brought those?!" Me. Yep. I did. And I'll tell you why...there's a method to my anti-binging madness.
Sweets are a huge downfall. So whenever I want a sweet, I tell myself it had better be REALLY good if I'm going to waste my calories on it now. If I'm going to sacrifice part of my dinner and a snack, or if I'm going to sacrifice a pound on the scale because I wanted something sweet - it had better be heavenly delicious. I no longer settle for just "okay"...and that has made a ton of difference.
I knew I wanted something sweet when I went to MN. I knew driving in that car all day that I would feel the "need" for something road-trip snacky. Protein bars were NOT going to cut it. And instead of simply buying out their selection of Little Debbie snack cakes, like I would have done previously. I spent nearly 4 bucks on a bag of tiny chocolatey heaven. Three little balls were something like 220 calories. The upside? I could rarely eat 3 of them at once because the sugar and sweet taste overwhelmed me after a year of eating well.
So what I do is splurge on the expensive, best tasting treat on my list.
If I'm going to indulge, it had BETTER be worth it.
On my way to Minnesota I ate 1 truffle. On my way back, I ate 2. I had none in between. (Though I did have some amazing vegan chocolate cake to celebrate Paula's birthday.) I didn't go crazy and eat the whole bag. (Though I did later have a bag of pretzel M&Ms there and one on the way back.) For me? This was a progression from past road trips to now. For me, this is healthier than I've been probably all my life.
My mom, to this day, after 10+ years after Gastric Bypass surgery and keeping off the majority of her weight, still keeps some small chocolate thing near her. It used to be mini Reese cups. After dinner, she'd pop one into her mouth and enjoy it like it was the best piece of candy ever made. I guess I got some of this lesson from her.
And what I'm trying to say is - there are ways around our vices. There are. You have to find what works for you. Some people have to give up candy and sweets altogether. For me? That leads to more binging when I just can't take the deprivation anymore. So I splurge with my pocketbook instead of my stomach, and I SAVOR my treat, and I do NOT feel guilty about it.
There are still 2 truffles in my fridge. Every once in a while, I'll go by and grab one and sit down and savor it's goodness....but a bag of chocolate in my house for nearly a month?! That would have been unheard of before now.
I call that progress.
So go ahead and freeze your Girl Scout Cookies. Have your treat, but make sure it's worth your while. I kid you not, there have been times when I REALLY wanted some REALLY GOOD chocolate cake. I looked around for weeks and months for something that seemed good enough and NEVER found it (until that Vegan cake! *licks lips*). Nothing could compare to the image I had of it in my head and I knew they were all going to taste like crap. So instead of eating a crappy substitute, I'm holding out for something like my favorite slice at the Cheesecake Factory.
Only settle for the best...and always try to find your way through.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Last night, when I went to bed, Hubs tucked me in as usual and climbed in bed to hug and kiss me, saying "Goodnight, my boxer runner chick...err...my boxing chick that runs." I laughed and told him most boxers do run as part of their training, but it felt good to have those accomplishments recognized.
Sunday's boxing lesson was crazy-stupid hard, and I loved every minute of it. We started a little late as my instructor, CT, was waiting to let some guys in upstairs for some practice on the mats. I had brought my oldest son, Logan, with me and we walked around as he punched some of the punching bags and we played around with the tennis balls hanging on strings, using them like speedbags to test our reflexes. At one point I looked over and found this sign on the water tank:
"As your manager/trainer I vow to maintain a healthy relationship with you, the fighter, in order to aid in your transition from childhood to adulthood/amatuer to professional. I vow to help you acquire the skills needed to become a better athlete, student and person using such tools as respect, discipline, accountability and self-awareness. I vow to help you set and achieve personal and professional goals. I vow to take your hand and walk you to the rivers of your dreams and show you the correct techniques to navigate those rough waters so that you may find your ocean of success. I understand that this is a process. Mistakes and errors will occur and I vow to remain loyal to you during such ebbs and flows, however, should you become a continuous plunger from the "STUPID BRIDGE"....well....you hit the water alone."
Copyright 2002 CT KING
I love it. And I vowed then and there to be a good student. To practice when not in front of CT so that every opportunity to train with him makes me a better, stronger, more competant boxer, even if I never make my way into a ring for an actual match.
We started, as always, with CT wrapping my hands. I explained to him that I'll likely be buying handwraps next time and want him to teach me how to do this on my own. I told him for practice all I use is handwrap gloves I found at Dick's so I don't have to worry about handwrapping and he nodded. He also told me a bunch of girls had ordered boxing gloves from him so he has a box of pink boxing gloves in the back room. I'll admit it...I got giddy. Momma Wants! (Logan, ever faithful, vowed to take pictures for me and did a great job at getting a ton of great - yet blurry - shots!)
After wrapping, he grabbed some 2 lb. dumbbells, as always, and asked me to loosen up with them by doing 1-2 punches walking up and down the mat in my boxing stance. I usually do one or two rounds of this. This time I did two rounds and then he switched out the 2lb. dumbbells for 4lb. dumbbells, explaining that he really wanted me loose. (I should have KNOWN something was up! *lol*)
Looking through pictures, I was struck by the shrinking of my legs. Hrm...maybe I have been working on those runner's legs...even without the running. ;)
After three rounds I already needed a water break. CT fumbled with my water bottle after putting some gloves on me, trying to figure out how the thing worked. *lol* I eventually grabbed it from him, however ackward, as I've learned how to open the thing and drink without the use of my hands now. *lol* Logan helped me every time after that.
I was already sweating, but I didn't even realize that we were moving into a TON of work. I think this solo boxing training was much better for me. It kept my heartrate up the whole time. I sweated so much as he walked in front of me (him walking backwards, me following). I knew immediately he was trying to work my footwork without me noticing...something I certainly need help with. I had previously learned #1 - jab, #2 - right cross, #3 - left hook. This time I learned #4 - right hook/body shot (he called it "smack my @ss shot...though he kindly whispered it to me so Logan wouldn't hear *lol*), #5 and #6 which are left and right uppercuts, respectively.
I have no idea what happened in that last pic. *lol* I promise CT did not punch me out, although he does bop me on the head when I think too much and get a combination wrong. (This is something we've talked about, my overthinking getting in the way. I'm counting it as part of his promise of self-awareness.)
I noticed my punches were faster, harder. The footwork started to come more naturally as I followed him around the mat in crazy combinations. He'd tell me "Okay, we're going to do 2-3-2-3-4." We'd do it slow once and then each time we'd repeat it he'd shout, "Quicker!" It was something I lamented last time - that the guy with me was SO quick and I was so slow. CT told me I was doing it right. He said quickness would come. I didn't think it'd happen that quickly though. Before I knew it I was throwing 1-6 punches all over...my absolute favorites are hook shots to the body and face because I love how powerful they sound. Something else I noticed was that as I got faster and hit harder, and brought my punches to the middle like CT showed me, I was engaging my hips more. I could feel my abs and hips getting involved and it made me that much stronger. It goes to prove what I tell everyone about boxing -- it involves your entire body, not just your arms. If you're body isn't involved you aren't supporting yourself right and won't get the right effect from the effort you put in. CT told me that involving my hips like this was good not only for boxers, but for people like me who really wanted a good workout. :)
Then we moved on to the uppercut bag. I hate uppercuts...they seem so week. It's funny, in my mind I know they can do good damage, but on the bag it's just such a dull sound. Hooks, on the other hand, sound like PLOMPH! Momma Like! :) Two (two minute) rounds on the uppercut bag, me talking to CT more, getting to know him as he held the bag (I still have troubles moving with the bag...it feels awkward and he saw me fumbling and heard the word "awkward" and came and held the bag still for me). He told me that he had just been to my hometown in Columbus the day before and we talked about the mall they went to, the mall I grew up visiting all the time. It was neat to form that kind of connection between a girl from Ohio, now living in WV and a dude from NY (i think) living in WV.
After two rounds on the uppercut bag, we moved to the heavy bag and I found myself throwing a million different combinations. He'd call out an "add a 2!" or something here or there, but I no longer felt lost as to what to do when I got up to the bag. MAN! What a difference one month makes! It was like it all suddenly clicked! I even found myself floating around the bag in my boxing stance...not proficiently, but well enough to make it work.
Two rounds there and CT asked me, "So...how you feeling?" It was already 4pm and we had started late, so he said we would go late to make up for it. I looked at him, breathing heavy, sweat dripping and said, "Tired." He asked if I wanted to go two more rounds on Bob (the torso punching thing) and I said I would. "Well, I didn't know if you wanted to..." he trailed off. I looked right at him and said, "I said I was TIRED, not dead." I think he smiled and said, "Alright, then. At the bell..." I hit Bob a LOT. I loved how my body shots sounded on him. CT sat next to me yelling for me to HIT HARDER! By the end I didn't know what else I had left in me and was hitting, seriously, "like a girl." *lol* What I mean is, my punches were barely touching Bob and I wasn't following through with proper form. I was exhausted. My entire body was beat. In my last round, CT yelled - "Okay. Last one! Hit him! HARDER!!" He gave me a warning when I was down to a minute and I pulled some more energy out of my butt and put everything behind it. A few seconds later I said, "How much longer?" "You're hungry?" he replied. "No! How much LONGER!?" He laughed and told me 30 seconds, explained he thought I said I was "hungry" like "hungry like a wolf" and was psyching myself up for more. What I was doing is trying to psych myself into finishing strong with the last 30 seconds, then 15, then 5. My body wanted to quit, but I'm always better able to talk it into more if I give it a "only 15 more seconds! Leave it here now! Give it all you got!"
Me and Bob. :)
By the end I wasn't sure my legs were functioning properly anymore. I slowly walked up the stairs and paid for my visit. By the time we got to the car, Logan was hungry. It's strange, at least my family thinks it is, but I'm NEVER hungry right after a workout. I'm good for at least 30 minutes before the hunger hits, and then when it does, it hits like a ton of bricks on my stomach. But it takes a few minutes for that to happen. I had already mixed myself a protein shake for recovery, but I promised Logan a trip to my favorite market down the street. I bought him an apple, some cocoa dusted almonds (HEAVEN!), got him and his brother a couple gummy snakes, and bought myself a pear and some granola (because I remembered I was all out). He said he liked the market, that it was a cool place, and he wanted to go back again. He loved looking at piles of dry beans and all the nuts and fruits and such. And I'm sure the small candy section didn't hurt anything. It was nice to do something healthy like this with him and have him enjoy it so much. I refused to buy him any of the delicious, yet SUPER expensive hand-made chocolate at the chocolate shop, walked him through The Wine Shop and into the new place at the end that sells a lot of homemade stuff (I'm going back for pineapple jam! OMG!).
Yesterday, I followed that stellar boxing workout with my first new try at C25k. I really, really wanted to get back into running, and the insert felt good on my trial run Saturday. I figured I'd already done half, so I could at least get that far. My favorite treadmill was out of order, so I decided to run the track instead, which, I'm told, has 17 laps equalling 1 mile. I counted each time I went around and kept that count in my head while my iPhone app told me when to walk and run. Hubs started out walking with me, and then soon fell behind, and later just sat down, giving me a thumbs up every time I passed him.
It was a difficult run. I was worried the entire time that my hip would pop out. I felt slow and big, not like Saturday. I had taken out the insert in my right foot and was running with just one, but I felt more of the pounding in my right foot now. (I may put the insert back in for tomorrow's run and try again...maybe I just need to get adjusted to it.) By the halfway point I was trying to figure out how many runs I had left. I had already done 4 and, for some reason, I was sure there were only 6. Which explains why I went all out on the end of my 6th run. Of course, I came ot find out there were 2 more running segments after that, so I pushed on through. Each time I thought negatively, I reminded myself what it had taken to just get here. Who cares if I was back at Week 1 Day 1?! I was RUNNING! And running WITHOUT pain. It still shocks me every time I feel that dull twinge while I'm walking, and then I start to run and it melts away. My hips are still sore after the fact, but during? NOT AT ALL. It astounds me. Is this what it's supposed to feel like?! OMG!
The entire run I could feel the power in my legs. I was happy to be on the track alone, not having to dodge people and worry about making the wrong step. I took the turns easy and counted as I went...getting to 36 laps by the end, which equals about 2.12 miles...making my pace even faster than when I was doing Week 3 back in December! I'm getting closer to the 12 minute mile mark every single time (the point when Spark finally recognizes that I AM, in fact, RUNNING! *rolls eyes*). And all that ST on my legs and everywhere else must have certainly helped, because my quads were fully engaged and I could feel the weight of them behind me. Even running AFTER my lifting didn't stop me from finishing. I was tired, yes, but I would NOT be denied. I ended up with the reddest post-exercise face I've ever had...and laughed about it in the locker room! *lol*
There it is. Proof. C25k W1D1 DONE! (again! *lol*) And PAIN FREE!
For dinner, I decided to give Hubs a treat. He loves pasta and I rarely cook it anymore. I don't really know why, but grilled chicken and steamed veggies just sounds more appetizing most days. *shrug* I still LIKE pasta...maybe I'm afraid I'll overindulge. Anyhow, I used to always make Skillet Pasta - rotini, sauce, smoked sausage, with a heavy covering of mozz. cheese melted over it. Everyone would eat it all up and loved it. Last night, I made a variation of that dish. Whole wheat thin spaghetti. Lite smoked sausage. Minced garlic. A can of tomatoes with garlic, oregano and basil. A garden veggie sauce. With a light sprinkle each of part-skim mozz. and parm. cheese. Considering it was supposed to be my "guilt free rest day" I told myself I could have as much as I wanted. I ended up with about a cup and a half and felt full. And the family REALLY loved it. I didn't feel guilty AT ALL.
Let me end this with a warning of sorts, or a note to myself -- There are some emotional issues I'm working through right now that I simply don't wish to discuss (mainly because I don't know how), but, for now, I'm in a good place. Being the "Boxer Runner Chick" sounds quite alright to me and I plan on getting better at both. That hope well is springing anew, and I'm taking all the sips I can from it. Here's to 319! (Which I saw on the scale today and hope to see that or lower on official weigh-in day Sunday.)
Boxer Runner Chick...signing out!
Monday, March 28, 2011
...how it feels to be able to look at this again with happy tears in my eyes:
...and how this doesn't make me sob anymore:
I mean, let's face it, I do tend to have a realist nature (some call it pessimistic), so for the past few days I've been telling myself not to hope for too much. I've been telling myself it's a fluke and that the pain will return. But do you know what else keeps popping into my head?
Maybe it will. Maybe I'll run tonight and pull my hip worse than ever.
Or maybe not.
I don't deal in maybes anymore.
I deal in dos, trys and attempts.
So as much as my pessimistic nature wants to beat my hope down again (I swear it's a protective measure, so as to not feel the hurt of disappointment), I can't stop the hope from rising up.
Maybe no one will understand this. Maybe it's just my strange nature...but I can't stop the hope from rising up within me, from feeling my feet ITCH when I realize my running shoes are in the bag next to me. One thing I lost when I pulled this hip was hope. It went away slowly. It fought like hell. I tried so many different things to keep it alive, but eventually it died the way of dreams we never thought were possible to dream of again. I was to the point where I was accepting that I was a walker and would be for life. I was letting go of the pain of years of being told to simply NOT run, because I'm not built for it.
And then, a turning point. Like any in a race where the distance seems to long, the hill too steep, and you turn that corner and see your finish line or mile marker RIGHT THERE and you realize you have more in you -- it's the hope welling up again, allowing you to think again that anything is possible with enough determination.
The other night I watched a movie. In it, two men are on treadmills in the gym. One is walking very slowly, eating a candy bar as he walks. The other is running, sweating, and exerting a good amount of energy. The walker looks at the runner and says, "Whoa! Look at you! Something chasing you?" And what might have made me grunt and cheer for the walker just days before had me laughing and smiling. That's right, I saw someone running and I laughed and SMILED. I didn't turn the channel or curse under my breath. My how things have changed...and all because of one simple word -- HOPE.
Hope - "the feeling that what is wanted can be had"
It's so darn simple, but it means SO much!
Without hope there is no achieving. Most people don't fall into success. You've heard the line that to finish you have to start and that the most important part is the courage to try, right? That's hope. The feeling that what is wanted CAN BE HAD. Huge there. It's something we all have to dare to do before we start changing our lives, set out on a training program, or do anything to improve who we are.
There are two types of people in this world. Those who accept their flaws as circumstance. And those who have the hope needed to attempt to change them. Which person do you want to be?
And with my hope, I'm allowing myself to hope for new mantras and fitspo.
So maybe I will fail tonight, or tomorrow, or some day down the road. In fact, it's highly likely that I WILL fail at some point. But when I strap on my shoes from here on out, I'm going to remember what it felt like to be sidelined from my dreams. I'm going to remember what it feels like when my mind wants what my body can't give it, and I'm going to learn to respect what my body CAN give me. Maybe it's not a HM. Maybe it is. The point is, I have gotten back my hope. I plucked my dream back from the tree of hope and I'm taking another bite. And that first bite was SO SWEET! I only hope the bites from here on taste just as good.
I'm not foolish, I know there will be troubles along the way. I know that because I've been there and gotten through. And the most important lesson I learned was:
Sometimes it takes more determination than you think you have.
Sometimes you hit the same wall over and over again.
But...sometimes...just when you think all hope is lost, you'll find the hidden doorway and squeeze your way through.
I don't deal in maybes anymore. Maybe it won't work, but that won't stop me from trying.
Get ready, world. Here comes the runner...catch me if you can!
And if you aren't sure whether to go for a run today. If you feel tired and your legs feel like lead, but you know those are just excuses and not real healing issues for your body. If you're tired or bored or just don't feel like it -- remember that there are people in this world who would love to have the legs you have, the ability to run that you take for granted. If you can't run for you, just this once, run for them. Make every step a puddle of hope for their dream tree...and when you're completed your run, turn around and look at where you've come from and what you've left behind.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Weight two weeks ago: 324.2
Weight Goal for this Week: LOSE SOME WEIGHT
Actual Weight This Week: 320.4
Weight Loss/Gain: -3.8 pounds
Of course I didn't get to weigh-in last week because I was out of town. When I got back from my trip to Minnesota, I was bloated and over tired as all get out and weighed in the next morning at 325 pounds. To me, that was a victory. To be that bloated from 15 hours of driving, from burning about 5k calories in one weekend, and from all the emotional stress I was under and still only gain a pound...I knew if I kept plugging I'd see a couple pounds drop off. So this morning when I saw I lost nearly 4 pounds in the week, I was happy - averaging out to almost 2 pounds per week again, which is always my goal.
I can't say that I was perfect this week. I ate a little too much a couple days because my body was hungry. And I haven't been working out that much because I've been trying to heal my sore and tired body. I'm proud to say that I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. The hip is still sore, but it's not constant. And if you missed my status update yesterday, there's more exciting news to share...
The last you heard from me was Friday and I shared that I had bought some inserts for my shoes. It was a "in-the-moment" type thought that I had concerning my high arches and my mild overpronating. You see, every bit of research I've done says that people with high arches should go with normal gait type shoes. And when I bought shoes online, that's what I went with...but I still felt sore in my hip. I still had that hip pulling feeling. In January, Hubs and I went to a running store with my sister (a runner) to get fitted for shoes like I've been told to do. The guy never watched me run. He had me walk and suggested that I get some mild stability in my shoes. He pulled out a few options and I walked around in them...but the hip still hurt and I still pulled it just about every time I ran.
I've been telling everyone that I haven't been able to run in a month or so. But thinking on it last night, I realize the last time I was really able to run was in December when I ran the National Mall in D.C. (A GREAT experience, btw! Thank goodness I held out that long!) So it's actually been 3 months since I've been able to run without pain. I didn't understand what was happening. I had done everything I was told I should do. I ran for weeks at the end of last year, running 3 times a week without a single problem. I thought I had solved my hip problem then. But then it pulled and I got sad...and as it continued to pull every time I'd let it heal and try again, I got even more sad. It was like a big wall of CAN'T was built in front of me and I just couldn't figure out how to get around it. No wonder my weight loss has been slow going since December! It took a long time for me to pull myself out of it.
I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for a likely referral to an orthopedic surgeon. I figure they might be able to tell me if there's something seriously wrong with my hip. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to have someone look at my knee, which I had surgery on and a ligament cut in high school. I know I have osteoarthritis in my knee already from the years of it popping in and out on me and the years of walking around with so much weight and pressure on it. I figure it couldn't hurt to have someone look at that as well and tell me how I'm doing, if there is more I can do to make sure I keep my knee in a good place and not have to go in for replacement surgery anytime soon. But that first doctor's appointment isn't until Friday, and I have no clue how long it will take to get me into the ortho's office.
So as I stood there, the thought came to me about my arches. I've always had super high arches. I once pulled my arches so bad during a hike at Girl Scout camp when I was a kid that I spent the entire rest of the week healing. So I looked at the guy at the sports store this week and asked him about inserts...and he showed me to them. Hubs was kind enough to buy me a pair (since I'm kinda skint right now) and I immediately tried them out. It felt GOOD. It felt RIGHT. I felt that whole "running on clouds" thing everyone talks about. And even though my hip is still sore and still healing, I didn't feel ANY pain from it when I ran. Though the right foot felt weird...so I wasn't sure about that...but I was willing to sacrifice that for the joy of no pain in my left hip.
So, even though I was scared of facing another "I thought this would work but it doesn't" moment, I decided that I would take them out for a real run yesterday. I set the W1D1 C25k program on my iPhone and set out, nervous the whole time. The last time I tried W1D1, my hip pulled in the second or third running segment. So I didn't expect too much, but I went.
When the first running segment hit, I was walking up a hill. (*sigh* A hazard of living where I live...you can't avoid hills). I took a deep breath of courage and started running. I sat down into my run a little bit, asking my thighs to do a lot of the work (something I learned at the 7k actually) and even though it was REALLY slow going, I got through the running segment without any pain. Still nervous, I kept going. I told myself I had to try. My right foot was still hurting, slipping around in my shoe like the insole was too high and didn't fit my foot right.
The second running segment hit on somewhat flat ground, and I took another breath of courage and cautiously started to run. I felt a slight twinge in my hip, adjusted my running stance and it was gone immediately. After the bell dinged, I realized that I had made it through two runs and decided to avoid the HUGE hill in front of me, telling myself not to push it too much. I turned around and started off again. By this time my oldest son had caught up to me. Apparently he'd been running behind me, trying to catch up. *lol* When I saw him I had this moment of, "CRAP! Who the hell is running this road? No one ever runs here but me. I hate that I have to run in front of someone who apparently runs much better than I do!" Then I recognized my son and laughed to myself. It's funny how I compete like that, even out on open road during training. It's also funny how something so simple can shake my confidence. He walked behind me, and when my phone dinged to run, he ran behind me.
When we went back to walking he asked how the hip was and I smiled and told him that it felt great. I still felt the dull ache when I was walking, but when I ran all pain melted away. It was an amazing feeling. I asked him if I was running funny at all and he said I was running just fine. He said it looked like a normal run to him. Three runs in, and a big hill in front of me, I joked to him that I knew it would ding to run as soon as we were going up the hill. It did. *lol* I told him to sit into it a bit and he tried it. We ran up the hill telling each other, "almost there....almost at the top." And then I hit the downhill still running and I let it all go. I let myself fly down the downhill. I stopped all thought of biting it and let my legs take me...and it felt AMAZING. My phone informed me I was halfway through the W1D1 workout and I smiled. That was my only goal for this day. Half. I didn't want to overwork my hip and even though I had no pain while running, I knew my hip was engaged and working and I was scared to over work it.
We walked back to the house and I stretched and then went in to immediately ice my hip. There was this feeling of glee within me. I wanted to shout from the rooftops "I DID IT!" Unfortunately Hubs wasn't home, so I shared with my youngest son and posted it on FB and on here. My hip was sore last night, but no more than it would've been from any workout I normally do. It IS still healing. My right foot hurts and I know if I would've kept going I would've ended up with a blister.
As I looked at my feet last night, I realized that the arch on my left foot is higher than the one on the right. Maybe that's one reason for my crooked limp-running. (I tell you, that finish video seemed to open up my eyes a bit to how strange my running is.) So my thought now is to replace the normal insole back into the right foot and run with only the left in. As much as I want to try that today, I know better. So it'll likely be Monday before I get to try again. Maybe I've solved the hip problems. Maybe it was a fluke (but I don't know why it would be...why the pain would disappear like that when I'm running and still be there the rest of the time...). I'm almost afraid to hope. And I'm not about to cancel my appointment with the doctor. It's still a good idea to get some help from an ortho about my knee and hip. Especially if I'm crazy enough to think I might be able to run a 5k or more before this year is out.
Last night I sat with an icy-hot patch on my hip. I don't know how long it will take for it to heal completely again. I'm not willing anymore to give up an entire week of working out - something I had seriously considered last week. I want to test out these legs one more time. I want to try running again at least once this week (and, I should admit, if I can get both legs and feet with no pain on my next run, there might be no stopping me from running a few times next week...I'm so eager to get back that dream that to set it aside for a week might not be within my willpower). I promise to go easy on myself and not push too hard, but between wanting to see how long I can really walk (and how fast) and wanting to try out this running thing again, I'm thinking my week will look something like this:
Workouts March 27th - April 2nd
Sunday - Boxing @ 3pm with CT
Monday - W1D1 of C25k, ST
Tuesday - Zumba
Wednesday - W1D2 of C25k, ST
Thursday - Zumba
Friday - W1D3 of C25k, ST
Saturday - LDW 8-9 miles
As for the food thing? I'm still working on that as well. I feel like I'm understanding dishes better. Like I know how to just throw crap together and make a great meal.
Breakfasts - as always, half a bagel with whipped cream cheese and 16oz of coffee with 2 Tbsp. of creamer
Work lunches - a turkey sandwich and a huge salad
Dinners this week:
Kale Tofu dish from Becks
Herb Salmon with Steamed Veggies
Whole wheat pasta with lite smoked sausage and part-skim mozz.
Grilled chicken with veggies (maybe chicken over a huge salad)
Lentil or Vegetable Soup
The goal is to not buy too much at the grocery store this week and try to sort out what I can work with in the pantry. That means there will be a bit of sodium overload this week, so I'll have to be really careful and drink PLENTY of water. Going to shoot for 14 cups of water this week instead of 12, just to be sure.
Other goals for this week:
* Go through the pantry and sort everything out
* Go through some of my clothes and get rid of what doesn't fit anymore
* Start planning for my youngest son's birthday, which is next week
* Get some work off my desk! I keep getting things half done before I get a call and get distracted. Screw that! I'm getting at least 3 things off my desk completely this week!
And, because I should, I am setting a weight goal this week--
Under 320! *lol* No, seriously, I have so much trouble getting through those 10's that setting a small goal like just breaking through is a big deal. Of course I'd love to see 318 (which my scale teased me with today but I knew wasn't right because I wasn't standing right on it)...so I'll mentally shoot for that...but I think the less stress I put on myself the better. Just go, do, follow the plan and eventually the results will come - they HAVE to. I have to believe that.
So I'm starting this week off on a happy note. I'm just 4.2 pounds away from losing 100 pounds with SP...and my initial goal was to do it in a year, which is 3 weeks away...so I can do this. I just have to stick to the plan and not concern myself too much with what the scale says...it'll come around eventually. :)
A pound at a time
An ounce at a time
To lose the next 4.2 pounds
*rushes off to change the laundry so she actually has clothes to wear to her boxing lesson* *lol* I don't think CT wants to get to know me THAT well!
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