Wednesday, March 02, 2011
That's right, ladies and gents...I went back to the gym last night. Oh what joy I felt when I heard my little keycard *BEEP* it's pretty little beep. I didn't care that I was tired. I didn't care that I was in for a long night. I was going to sweat and feel so good after. (When I have trouble getting to the gym, I just imagine the afterglow and it usually spurs me in the right direction.)
Zumba was amazing last night. Difficult and challenging, and there was a girl there who looked just like I would LOVE to look someday who was perfect in my eyes and doing the moves perfectly and I wanted to punch her in the face until I realized I could use her to find even more ways of doing MY moves. I could use her as a challenge to myself. "Can you do what the perfect girl can do?" I asked myself. Then I proved to myself I could, or I almost could, or that I liked doing it a different way. I sweated a TON and felt GREAT after...sore and exhausted, but fully energized as well.
I then did a few laps with Hubs around the track as he was just finishing up 30 minutes on the elliptical. (I am so darn proud! When he started last month, 5 minutes on the thing made him want to vomit. I told him it would get easier and he'd soon be doing 30-45-or even 60 minutes. He didn't believe me, but there he was last night after 30 minutes and 2.23 miles of elliptical training. *PROUD*) I told him he had to walk the track a few times to get his legs back under him, and I walked with him.
Downstairs after a couple track laps, we headed over to the machines and got to work on our legs. He tried keeping up...
Target: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12 - weight: 60/70/80/90
After that he said his legs were jiggly. So we moved on to...
Donkey Calf Raises
Target: 4 sets - reps: 20/16/16/16
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 20/16/16/16 - weight: 50/60/70/80
By this point he wanted to kill me. He said he was sure I was torturing him and he was sure I was doing it wrong. So we moved on to...
Machine Leg Curls
Target: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12 - weight: 40/50/60/70
He got in the first set or two and then said he felt dizzy and wanted to vomit. (Maybe I'm not the only one who hates the lightheaded feeling this stupid machine gives me. I hate the positioning of my body while doing this and it feels wrong somehow.)
I stretched before ST and after cardio, after my short warmup work before cardio, during my ST, and again after my ST. I felt like I was back in full force. I felt like a champ again. My legs HATED me and I loved them for the burning and soreness because it meant a better tomorrow.
Later on the phone last night, Hubs was talking to his mother and told her that we had just gotten back from the gym. "I tried to keep up with her," he said, speaking about me. "And then I just had to let her go without me. I couldn't keep up, I was so dizzy!" I know the point of those comments were more to explain how much I had put him through last night, but am I the only one who hears pride in my husband's voice? He's been letting me train him more at the gym. He asked last night when we were going to do arm work and I simply said, "Tomorrow." Okay, so I may have followed that with, "Now sit down and do 12 reps....if you can..." ;) It's been fun. I even offered to train my FIL if he wanted to join the gym. I love having someone to do the workouts with, and I always tell Hubs that if there's anything he wants to work that I'm not working, just let me know and I'll show him what to do and spot or watch him. (So far he's turned me down, but he also used to turn me down on ST with me at all, so maybe he'll come around eventually.)
Throughout the ST portion of our workout though, the M-word came out. MEXICAN. You see, there's a Mexican restaurant right across the street from the gym. It's an evil place full of fat, salt and margaritas. (Okay, the margaritas are actually quite good...) When Hubs is facing a hungry belly after workout he brings it up from time to time. Last night, he brought it up and, as always, asked what I wanted to do. I usually give in...it saves me from having to cook. But the night before when I was supposed to cook grilled chicken and roasted vegetables, we ate Captain D's. (GROSS!) I had put this chicken/veggie dinner on my tracker TWICE and now I was going to have to take it off AGAIN for something more fattening? *sigh* I hate disappointing them. Logan was already asking to go out, and now Hubs wanted to as well. *sigh* And if I went home and made dinner, it would likely be 10pm before we got to eat (because my stove/oven SUCKS!)...the kids were supposed to be in bed by 9pm.
I felt guilty.
I felt ashamed.
I felt determined.
I thought maybe I could go with them and not eat.
Then I realized that was probably not possible AT ALL.
Finally I ran off to the locker room and told Hubs to let me think. I thought and thought. I finally walked slowly back out, turned to him, apologized and explained that I did not want to go out. I told him that I was sorry, but that I didn't want to waste the calories. I asked him if he would like me to pick something up for him and the boys on the way home, maybe. Hubs told me it was alright and drove off with the boys to pick up pizza and take home. I went home and started the LONG process of making a very SIMPLE meal. (I drank a glass of soy chocolate milk while cooking to hold me over.)
And at 10pm, when I sat down to eat my grilled chicken spiced only with sea salt and cracked peppercorn, and my roasted fingerling potatoes, green, red and orange peppers and green beans with only sea salt, cracked peppercorn, olive oil and some Italian seasoning, as I drank my water I felt amazing.
"See?" I told myself. THIS is why you belong at the gym and at the stove. This is why it's worth the wait. You don't feel guilty or gross. You don't have to admit to any eating out. You don't need to overflush tomorrow all the salt you ate today. You can just enjoy this meal. You can even allow yourself a few more veggies, if you'd like. You can enjoy this food AND feel proud. Kids were taken care of, and so was I.
(And I'm salivating just thinking of the leftovers I get to have tonight!)
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Well, February was a short month, but I'm still proud of the progress that I made. I'm still not doing all that great at remembering to log everything, but doing is much more important than logging, I think, so I'm alright with that.
Here are my first 3-months goals and how I'm doing so far on them:
1. Log 90 miles
January - 26
February - 12
Total = 38/90
Left to Log - 52!
YIKES! Again, not doing so great at logging, so I may have done more than I realize, but still, this one makes me sad. Of course, it's no surprise to me considering my poor attitude regarding my inability to run. I need to just be okay with walking the miles I need. I don't know that I'll get this goal, but I can try to do the best I can, right? I think I can at least do 30 miles this month on the elliptical and treadmill and road. I need to train the next two weeks for the 7k, and then that will add some miles to my total as well.
2. Lose 20 pounds.
January - 0
February - 5
Left to Log - 15 pounds.
Alright, let's face it. I'm not going to hit this one. I'm alright with that. At least we're moving in the right direction again (FINALLY!) so as long as there's progress, I'm happy. Let's hope March will bring me another 5 pound loss at least!
3. Complete Couch 2 5k Program
Not going to happen, so let's just leave that alone.
4. Finish 2 Races
Left to Log: 2/2 races
Okay, so I have registered for the 7k at least. There are a couple other races this month that might give me my two for the first 3 months of the year. Right now I'm looking at the Celtic Knot 5k in Lewisburg, WV on March 26th. I'll have to make a decision on that one soon, though.
5. Complete 30 Day Shred
Again, I haven't started it, but as I noted last month, I've been working a different program - the freetrainers.com 8-week Weight Loss & Definition program will run me until the end of March. After that, I'll start 30DS and get that done before summer...that's the plan right now. I'm alright with not completing this one simply because I have something to put in it's place. I kinda missed a lot of workouts last week when I was sick, but I'm going right back to it tonight. I'm already noticing changes, so I'm a happy girl with this heavy lifting stuff right now. Plus, it kinda makes me feel a bit like Wonder Woman...and that's not a bad thing at all, is it?
6. Finish "Winning After Losing"
Read in January - 0 pages
Read in February - 75 pages
Left for March: 118 pages
Yes, I could have done better, but I was working on a few other things this month, including memorizing 3 monologues for VM, so I was a little busy. I didn't even finish my Burstyn book and have already thrown in a Terry Brooks book for the heck of it. (I just needed a fast and easy read, and I'm almost halfway done...I just started it 2 days ago.)
7. Read 3 Books (including 1 for research)
I'll finish this one for sure. And I read 2 with child's POV narrators, which can count toward my research goals.
Left for March: Finish Terry Brooks and Burstyn books
8. Do 1-Minute Plank
I had worked my way up to 50 seconds, and then started my heavy lifting program and completely forgot all about it. I may try out the arms tonight or tomorrow and see where I'm at, but I think I can for sure get this one accomplished before March 31st.
9. Log 3,900 Fitness Minutes
January - 1620
February - 630
Left to Log - 1650
Sad, right? I don't think that's right, but that's all I logged. *sigh* I think I might be able to hit this one, mainly because I'm nearly done with the paper, which will free up my Thursdays for more Zumba. For this week alone I have 345 minutes planned.
10. Attend 20 Zumba classes
Honestly, I stopped counting, but I think I'm at about 5, and I know how sad that is, but I've been crazy busy. There is a Zumbathon this weekend, but I'll miss it because I'm going out of town. However, they're having an event next weekend bringing in a woman named Heather Rounds to teach 2 classes on March 12th and I'm pretty sure I'm going to try to be at one of those.
11. Fit into size 24 jeans
I'm calling this one -
Those tight 24s are still tight, but less tight and I can wear them out in public if I want (they just give a little more pudge up top then I'd like. Still, most 24s are fitting pretty darn well, and I even had to buy a size 22 pants at LB this past month.
Body Part / February Start / March Start / Total Loss
Waist -- 47 -- 46 -- -1 inch!
Hips -- 58 -- 56 -- -2 inches!
Neck -- 15 -- 15 -- 0
Thigh -- 24.75 -- 24 -- -.75 inches!
Calf -- 21 -- 21 -- 0
Upper Arm -- 14.25 -- 14.25 -- 0
Total inches lost in February: 3.75
Total inches lost with SP to date: 44 inches! (and 17 are from my hips alone!)
My Specific Goals for February Were:
* Be under 330 pounds (I said I'd like to be around 325, if possible.)
* Lose some dang inches! (especially in the hips and waist, but also the legs)
Okay, not exactly...but I'm getting better. Time to get really honest and serious about this one!
* Get 12 glasses of water a day
Uhm, no. That happened a lot, but I can't say I did it every day. Is that unrealistic to expect?
* Start cooking at home again.
We had some great dishes this month!
* Boxing practice at least 1x/wk
Nope. I did it a few times, but it's much easier to do when CT is pushing me to keep going.
* Get ready for spring by walking, rowing, etc.
I did a little of this, but not nearly enough!
So that's how February went. I'm pretty pleased, even if I only lost 5 pounds. I realized today that even if I lost just 5 pounds a month, the continued progress would keep me going. That being said - I would love to have my 8-10 pounds a month losses back!! *lol* So, now we're starting March and besides the minor annoyance of having to scrape my car windows this morning on MARCH FIRST (WTF?!), I'm actually looking forward to it.
Let me start off by saying that things are moving in a somewhat different direction around here. Both Hubs and I have been changing a lot as people. I'm not sure if it's because we're both 30 and finally settling in, or because I've started all these big changes and it's sparking other things as well. I've noticed we're kinder, more forgiving, more willing to accept and admit to our mistakes...and we don't stay as angry as long with one another. I can honestly say it is making me a happier person. Even days like yesterday, when everything went wrong and I was bored out of my mind and got none of what I wanted to accomplish done, I'm still able to get through and bounce back with more vigor than before.
Changes to expect in March:
* A new car??
Hubs and I have been shopping for a new baby since my old girl is finally starting to show serious signs of old age. (She's a 1995 with 306k miles on her...it's really no wonder!) So we're looking and seriously considering. Old but new to us? Completely new? Not sure what will happen. I know what I want to happen, and I actually had dreams about it last night, but that requires a lot of cards falling in just the right places for it to happen. We'll see. Let's just leave it at that.
* A haircut!
Seriously, my hair has become so unmanageable and I'm annoyed. Plus, it's almost spring, which is when I usually get my shorter cut back again and get it thinned to high heaven. I'm making an appointment to see my stylist soon...and I'm probably going to make an appointment for Hubs as well.
* Adventure Blog
Now that I've left the paper (well, Thursday is my last day), I should have more time to devote to this and, perhaps, to writing articles for Hubs. We shall see. I do know that I have to review an iPhone case before the week is out...I'm testing it now and not quite sure what I think yet. Anyhow, I'll let you know when updates are ready. I really need to get a blog post somewhere written down about the VM experience before I forget it.
* Lone Wolf
Okay, I know I mentioned it before, but my BIG adventure for March will not be walking a 7k or meeting a Sparkie, but will, instead, be driving 16 hours in a car by myself from WV to MN. I'm nervous, excited and about 10 other different things. What's more, I'm not even sure what I'm driving. I can't take the van up there, so I've got a rental car reserved right now...but if Hubs and I make a car purchase before then, I might be testing out the new girl on the open road. All the unknowns are driving me a little bit batty, I'll be honest, but I'm trying to just go with it.
* Country Girl?
Okay, so I'm going to a country concert this weekend. Anyone who knows me would find that humorous. I'm not a huge fan of country. There are a few singers I like - Faith Hill, Garth Brooks, and even Taylor Swift is alright. Thankfully, when my friend told me that she wanted to go see a country concert this weekend for her birthday, she immediately said one word that made it alright -- Reba. Okay, I like her. I know NONE of her "new" stuff (new meaning since the late nineties...the last time I listened to any country music), but she's a great woman - empowering, with the great red hair and the sassy attitude. I can handle that. So, yes...the girl who doesn't like country, who moved from OH to WV and was surrounded by it, who blares her Pink Floyd to compete with Toby Keith (UGH!) on the open roads around here, that girl is going to a country concert on Friday night. Oh, the things we do for our friends. I do hope I have some fun...and at least it's not Toby. (No offense to people who actually LIKE country music...I'd just rather see Blue October or some alternative rock group mmmkaythanks.)
So, finally...after I bored you with all of that.
Specific goals for March:
Under 320. (Which is -6 pounds.)
I want to see my 319 by the end of the month. And, to be perfectly honest, I would LOVE to see 316.2 - my 100 pounds lost mark...but I'm just going to get as close as I can without expecting everything to happen at once because that's the SMART thing to do! (See, I'm learning!)
Finish the freetrainers program
I can't wait to see how much I can lift by the end and compare that to what I was lifting when I started. Plus, I will have all these new exercises to add into my regular routines!
It's time to get super serious about this. I do not eat it if I will not log it. And I must log each and every exercise and every minute spent working out.
12 Glasses of Water
Okay, so I'm not good at keeping things going like this for a WHOLE month, and it also ties into my logging - I suck at logging it. BUT, I have to remind myself that I need more water.
Get more sleep!
I seriously need to work on getting more sleep as well. To be perfectly honest, I think sleep had more to do with my big weight loss week of 2.2 pounds last week than anything else. I like to stay busy, so sometimes I simply forget that my body also needs sleep. 6-8 hours, Esther. You can't make it all up on Sunday! 6-8 hours PER NIGHT!
Try at least 5 new recipes
We're still doing our "exotic cooking" challenge to ourselves, so we're going to pick a few more countries and see what they have to offer us. In February we found 2 new loves - Moussaka (an eggplant lasagne dish from Greece) and Cassoulet (From France. OMG! LOVE! as did everyone else). I know one recipe I'll already be cooking is the new lentil soup recipe my nutritionist just sent me. I have to find a way to use the miracle food that is lentils!
I'm challenging myself to use at least 20 minutes every Sunday to decompress and stretch with Yoga. I have fallen off the Yoga wagon, and I seriously need to get back on. Sunday is normally a rest day, but Yoga is so low impact, I'm pretty sure I can get in just 20 minutes every Sunday.
Finally, I need to put this Fitspo somewhere:
"I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."
"Sometimes you have to stop thinking so much and go where your heart takes you."
"Everyone loses games. Few change them."
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you cannot do."
"Make your own luck."
"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
"Yesterday you said 'tomorrow.'"
And this Nike ad with Marilyn Monroe:
"A woman is often measured by the things she cannot control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat or straight or round. She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers, by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside. And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control, by who she is and who she is trying to become. Because as every woman knows, measurements are only statistics, and STATISTICS LIE."
Happy March, everyone!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Yesterday was Weigh-In Day!
Weight Last Week: 328.0
Weight Goal for This Week: 326.0
Actual Weight This Week: 325.8!
Weight Loss/Gain This Week: -2.2 pounds
SP Starting Weight: 416.2
Highest Weight: 466.6
Weight Lost with SP: 90.4 pounds!
Total Weight Lost from Highest: 140.8!
That's right, ladies and gents...I finally hit my 90 pounds lost with SP! Just 10 pounds to go before I reach that Century mark again! And I've lost a total overall of almost 150 pounds! That's amazing!
So what did I do this week? Well, let's see.
I worked out Monday and Tuesday nights. (At least, I think I worked out Monday... *lol*)
And then I got sick. Super sick. Stay in bed for 2 days and eat very little sick.
By Friday I was feeling better, but I had to skip the gym and head straight from work to perform in the Vagina Monologues (which went very well, I'm proud to say!).
And Saturday we went from Logan's basketball game, to Parkersburg for some car shopping, and then straight to the Theatre again for our last performance.
This week I ate Macaroni & Cheese...and didn't care for it.
This week I let myself worry more about getting better than workouts and calories.
This week I laid off the sweets because I know that being sick and eating sweets is not a good combo.
This week I only ate out a couple times...and had one Margarita to finish out the final performance of VM.
It was great to lose while not really focusing, but I know it was partly a fluke of being sick and finally getting some sleep. This week, if I want to see more changes, I'm going to have to work for them.
I had my second boxing lesson with CT yesterday. It was great! I felt more comfortable. I got a ton of "good!"s from CT. I started finding a rhythm. And, with his help, I also found my left hook. I like the left hook! *lol* Now I have a bunch of combinations I can use at the gym combining 1 (jab), 2 (right cross) and 3 (left hook). I'm still sore from yesterday and while it felt great to have a few days off to let the muscles really heal, I'm still loving the soreness I get from a good workout! Ethan took some photos, so I'll have to see if they are any good and then, if they are, post one or two.
Okay, so onwards...right?
This week the plan is to get back to my exercising and to be nice to my hip.
Step 1 - Get back to the gym!
Not sure if I'll make it there tonight...Hubs is going to be making some calls about cars today and I may have to take off early and drive up to Ohio to buy a new car...we'll see. I packed my gym bag though...just in case. But Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday are set to be workout days nonetheless.
Step 2 - Back to calorie counting and logging
I'm going to stay on top of my calories this week. I went off the game yesterday, but I'm back on it for the rest of the week. No more illness to fall back on, so I need to make sure I stay around 1700 calories.
Step 3 - Don't lose sight of my goals
My two main areas of focus right now are those last 10 pounds to get me to 316.2 and walking 4.5 miles at some point this week to prepare me for the 7k that's coming up in 19 days! I also want to schedule another boxing session this week for sometime in March. This once a month boxing is a great way to switch it up a bit and have a personal trainer for an hour that pushes me to keep going. Three minutes of jabs? Just DO it...don't pout about it. You can't stop. Just go! ....Geez, alright CT...I get it! ;)
Step 4 - Water flush!
While my toilet may be having a problem flushing, I plan on making my body do just that. 10 glasses a day of water minimum. I drank a lot of water this week while I was sick, and I know how good that was for my body. Time to follow that up this week with another stellar flushing performance!
Four goals. Easy, right? Not at all. I have to keep my focus...have to maintain my gaze upon what I really want. I'm not done yet. Not even close. Even though I'm super proud of my accomplishments this far, this is no time to get lazy. I want to rid myself of this belly. I want to see 299 before winter rolls around again. I want to show myself that I can keep going and going and become the person I've always wanted to be. 90 pounds lost has made me stronger, more confident, more able to do the things I want...and more will just get me even closer to all the dreams in my head of a better life for myself and my family.
Away we go! 90 pounds down. Let's see how far we can get with a little patience, understanding, perseverance, and determination!
Friday, February 25, 2011
That's right. This morning I told my bed that we were through...well, at least until tonight.
I'm feeling better today - THANK GOODNESS! I even managed to feel actual hunger pains, instead of the other stomach hurts.
Tonight, however, has me a nervous Nelly. Tonight is the opening of our production of The Vagina Monologues, and due to taking Ethan to the ER and being sick, I've missed the last 2 practices. I know my parts for the most part, because that I can do on my own. We'll have the books with us in case we forget lines or such, but I wanted to have the monologues at least mostly memorized so I didn't have to read them. Still, I'm nervous because I'm not quite sure when to stand up, sit down, etc. I guess I'll get a quick run-through before we start tonight.
I'm also stressed because I can't control everything. I can't control the high winds coming through our area. The heavy rains that might keep people at home. The mud that might lock in my in-laws. I can't control getting my husband to the theater or getting my kids off to a babysitter beforehand. Honestly, I don't know that he'll even show up tonight as we've been fighting off and on lately (being sick and being around each other too much can do that to the best relationships, I think). I can't tell you how my hair will do in this awful weather all day. I can't tell you if everyone else will be as animated as I want them to be. I can't control when the audience laughs no matter how well I deliver my lines. I can't even make people fill the seats...and my biggest fear is that it will all be for nothing and no one will show up.
But that's why I signed myself up for these adventures in the first place. What good would it do me if they were all easy? What good would I get out of it if I didn't learn how to let go a little bit and just trust that things either will or won't work out, and I'll still survive no matter which it is. I'm not jumping out of a plane. The worse thing that could happen would be humiliation, and I've been through that before and survived.
Do you know what else I couldn't control? My boxing instructor needing to reschedule our session. Do you know what happened when he called to reschedule? Uhm, we rescheduled. The world didn't fall apart. I didn't die. My life didn't come to a screaching halt just because the plan changed. I wish I could communicate just how important this lesson has been for me this year...and it relates directly to weight loss and fitness.
Crap happens. You can't control every detail. You can do the best you can and be almost perfect and STILL hit a roadblock. But the world doesn't stop just because you need to take a step back and reevaluate before moving on. Life goes on...and so will I, with a new plan, or even blindly until I find my way. The path does not need to be paved for me to take it. I can make a new path for myself by cutting away the brush if I need to. I don't have to be confined to plans made months and years in advance.
Still, I will make plans.
How could I not?
I'm the girl with the vacation binders! I will always make plans.
But 2011 is teaching me that even when all the plans fail, there can still be fun, there can still be laughter, I can still move forward.
Speaking of plans...did I share the one with you that includes me traveling by myself in a car, driving 16 hours to MN to walk in the 7k with MEZZOANGEL and RAVENSONG? Did I share with you all the plans THEY have made that I'm just going to go with? Anyone who knows me would do a double take if I told them all of this.
First of all - I'm driving alone. I don't exactly do things ALONE very often. I will, but only as last resort. And, sometimes, I say no to things I want simply BECAUSE I don't want to do them alone. But, at least for this trip, I'll be Thelma without my Louise. I'll enjoy the countryside. I'll enjoy the freedom of stopping when I want, eating where I want, taking a detour if I want. I get to make those choices, and I won't have to ask for any permission or worry that I'll hear any whining when I make them. If I want to stop and see the roadside attraction of the world's biggest golf ball or something, I can. That's completely up to me.
Second of all - I'm walking a 7k. I'm facing the challenge head on of not being able to run by putting myself in a race with two friends who WILL be running. My headspace is still a little off when it comes to this challenge, but every day I challenge myself to be proud of the me that is walking, not to shame the me that is not running. As my computer desktop says right now - "I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."
Third - I'm not the best at meeting strangers. Now, Becks I already know, of course, and love dearly. And while I love Mezzo as well, we've never tried the Real Life on for size, at least not yet. So far I've done well with my Spark meets. Hollynn and Ron are absolutely wonderful people and I crave their wisdom all the time. Becky is like the strongest force of positive energy I've yet to meet who doesn't put on the positivity in a sickeningly sweet sort of way, but in a matter of fact, things are lookin' up, you are going to do what you set out to do, honest to goodness sort of way. As we've already decided, we're sisters from other mothers. Still, I get nervous. Will we get along? Will the online connection translate into real life? Or will we drive each other crazy? What's more - I often find that vacationing with a friend is a true test of any friendship. Anne Marie and I are so close because in 2008 we spent 5 days in cramped quarters in NYC and not ONCE did we fight, not ONCE did we feel like we were getting on the other's nerves. Somehow we just WORKED. So me, going on vacation, and meeting someone new and hanging out with Becks again while both of us vacation...and, oh, why not, let's add in the whole 3 girls thing...because that has NEVER worked out for me for very long. (Though...it did with Sarah, AM and I, so I guess I can't say that anymore).
Anyhow, I guess my point is, this year has so far been more about challenging my own misconceptions of myself and less about simply "losing weight." So far I've boxed and started heavy lifting...but as of tomorrow evening I will be able to say that I acted on stage, and by the end of next month I can say I met another Sparkie, took a 16 hour road trip alone, and challenged myself to a 7k walk when all I really wanted to do was run. And who knows what else I'll be able to put on my list once their plans come out to me fully. (Oh, yea, add to the list the fact that *I* am letting someone else plan! EEP!)
February 25th & 26th - Vagina Monologues
February 27th - Master Zumba class?? and Boxing lesson (4pm)
March 3rd - Last night at the paper
March 16th - The journey to MN begins...
Oh, I wonder what other trouble I could get into along the way.
I wonder what the rest of 2011 holds?
Having plans is a great way to keep yourself motivated.
But learning that plans change and the world doesn't fall apart, is a great reminder that healthy living involves LIVING. Gotta roll with the punches if you want to keep going...
Thursday, February 24, 2011
So it turns out that I'm currently having a co-dependent love affair with my bed. In other words, yep...I got sick. Try as I did to avoid it, it happened. So here I am, still staring at these walls, dreaming of running and going to the gym, and cursing myself every morning when I have to call off work.
It started Tuesday night. I actually got to the gym around 5:30pm...and then Cissy (my PT-ish person) pulled me in to do weight and measurements. Woot...i lost a lousy 4 pounds in a month. *rolls eyes* I didn't even hear if my waist measurement had gone down or not. I had to ASK if my body fat % had dropped - it had. So I talked to her for a bit, changed, talked to Hubs for a minute as he was on an elliptical machine, and then started the Line Dancing class.
I'd been away for a while and it was taking me some time to catch on. Plus, I was a little congested so I was a little slow. At one point, my instructor actually turned to me and said, "You might want to sit this one out." Which, of course, pissed me off to no end. Don't tell me what I can't do. For some reason or another, I got really upset at his insinuation that I was UNABLE. I walked out and refused to finish the class. I went downstairs with Hubs to ST, but only got one exercise in before my Zumba instructor started mentioning how she'd see me upstairs. *sigh* Sometimes, yes, I do feel obligated to do these classes, especially if I'm already AT the gym. Of course, that's partly a good thing, because it pulls me into working out. But I also know it's that leftover part of me that's eager to please so people will like me. :/
Well, even so, I only made it through about 10 minutes of class before I started getting a burning in my chest. I couldn't get a deep breath. It felt like I had something heavy on my chest, pressing down. My mind was trying to figure out what was wrong. I tried taking a break, but I couldn't get it to go back to normal. It HURT! (I also remembered that my blood pressure had been high when Cissy checked it - 150/100 for no apparent reason. WTF?) I got my stuff and fled the gym. I went straight home and straight to bed and turned out the light. I shivered and froze under four covers. I started getting a fever and THUS...I was sick.
I tried to THINK my way out of it. I told myself I could be sick for ONE NIGHT and then I had to get back to life. I had too much to do and I didn't have time to be sick. The next morning, I could NOT get out of bed. I was so completely exhausted I just couldn't move. I told myself I could have the day, and that was it. I felt better around 1pm or so. But by the time dinner rolled around, that 4 or so hours of blissful feeling "alright" had faded into stomach discomfort. I didn't care, I was GOING to work today. AND going to play practice. Opening night is TOMORROW!
GAH! Then this morning I was so dizzy that every time I tried to get to the shower I hit a wall...literally. I realized it was either, call off now, or call off the rest of my life for being DEAD when I crash - especially in the downpour I could hear outside. *sigh* I hated to do it, but I called off.
No clue if I'm going to practice tonight. It's an hour away. Should I drive an hour for an hour long play practice and then drive an hour back? It seems stupid to me. *sigh* I don't know what I'm doing yet. It might be different if Hubs would drive, but I haven't talked to him about that yet. I mean, I did want to try to find some shoes for tomorrow, so I could make the trip worth it, but I don't want to drive down there by myself like this.
The only upside to all of this? Weight has been coming off easy in the past 2 days! *lol* Of course, I know it will go back up once I start eating somewhat normally again. Right now, I'm scared to eat anything. *shrug*
So, in case you were wondering...I'm not here...because I'm totally in love with my bed right now. It's the ONLY thing that keeps me sane...even though my back hurts, my muscles feel like jello already, I have a headache for sleeping for about 30 hours in the past 48, and I want to scratch my eyeballs out for having to look at the same four walls. At least the kitties keep me company sometimes....
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