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Trainer in Training?

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Fitspo for today is from:

"No matter how slow you run, it is still faster than someone sitting on a couch."

While I spent all day ranting to my AB girls about my problems with the nasty R-word (running), I still arrived at the gym last night ready to prove that even my struggles there wouldn't stop me from progressing. Maybe I could handle being a girl who does do THAT if I was still the girl at the gym that you eye across the room and think, "It must be so easy for her." (Oh, the easy lies we tell ourselves!)

I called Hubs on the way home and asked if he was meeting me at the gym. He himmed and hawed and finally said, "I guess I can be there around 7." "We're doing arms tonight!" I reminded him. Funny, just as I was getting ready to start my warmup, he pops up ready to go. *lol* My man's fitspo, I think, looks a little something like this:


(That's Hugh Jackman, btw. YUM!)

We hopped on the treadmills and started our regular 5-minute cardio warmup. We chatted about the possibilities of getting a new car next week and talked about our days. This time we spend together at the gym has been nothing but a boost for our relationship. Sure, in the beginning I felt there were days he was dragging me down a bit...he's so shy sometimes. But lately, he's been challenging me, trying to keep up, and even moving past me (as any man likely would...don't you hate that, girls?!). It was the easiest 5 minutes on a treadmill I have ever done.

Once we hopped off, I told him, "I need you to do me a favor before we head downstairs." "Oh no!" he said. *lol* I handed him my phone and opened the stopwatch application for him. I looked him straight in the eye and said, "The SECOND I get in plank position, I'm going to tell you to start. You push that button QUICK! I need to do 60 seconds if I can - One full minute." I felt strong to start. I remember when I couldn't hold this position for 2 seconds, let alone 60! I smiled a bit to myself. And then my shoulders started to whine, and my abs contracted as my body tried trembling in an effort to get me to stop immediately. I was sure I was about halfway done and Hubs yells out, "15 seconds."

CRAP! I refocus. Man, this was harder when I couldn't see the time, but I knew I needed that challenge. I stared at the ground and said, "Okay, 15 seconds. Better than your first planks ever were. You can do this. You GOT this!" Hubs pipes in with, "30 seconds. Halfway there."

I get irritated for a second. I think, "No DUH it's halfway there. Doesn't make it hurt any less. OMG, I don't know if I can do this." And then my body starts to shake really hard. I tighten my jaw and refocus myself. "Stop that! You're MORE than halfway there now. You've been to 50 before, you can at least get there again. Stop telling yourself you can't because you don't even know what you can do until you try."

"45 seconds! You're doing great!" Aww! He's such a great cheerleader. I think about all the times I wish he had been this supportive during races, at times in the gym when I thought I was going to collapse on the floor and die and then just gave up because it was "TOO HARD." He believes in me, so I should believe in myself too. I tell myself, "Okay, 15 seconds. The first 15 seconds weren't that hard. You've done 3 of them already. You totally have this." And my arms start trembling harder and I wonder if I really do have it.

"5 more seconds!!" OMG. Longest 5 seconds of my life, I'm sure. I tightened everything - my core, my butt, my thighs (ooh...still feel that workout from yesterday on those suckers!), my biceps and shoulders. I actively engage myself in the floor's intricate pattern and set out to finish what I started, because I don't want to repeat the whole process again!

Hubs counts down the last 5 seconds for me and when he gets to 60, I quickly yell out "Keep going!" It's this tradition of mine - if I get to my goal and I still feel a little tiny bit left in me, I push myself just 5 seconds more -- it's how I knew I could do 30, 45, and 50. That's how the whole thing even works. Just a small challenge. Nothing that will kill you. You've already reached your goal, so you can quit here and still walk out a champ. But there's no harm in trying more and seeing what happens...either way, you're a total winner tonight.

Five seconds later, I collapsed in a heap on the floor - a smiling, giddy, out of breath (I think I held it those last 7 seconds or so, other than the shout out to Hubs to keep the meter running), soaked in sweat, and exhausted heap. First week of March isn't even over yet, and I can mark my 1-Minute Plank goal off the list. And as I breathe (okay, pant) and smile and laugh to myself and at Hubs, who seems quite proud even though he doesn't understand what the hype is all about (planks LOOK easy, y'all...they ARE NOT), I think to myself - "If I've already gotten this far...I wonder how far I can get by the END of March. Is a minute and a half plank in my future? Or should I challenge myself to the "modified" planks - the more difficult version. Or my arch nemises -- the side plank. Perhaps it's time to see what I can do with that bad boy." Either way, I earned my GOAL MET sticker!

But the night wasn't over yet. A minute of waiting just left Hubs more antsy to start his workout. "Alright," he said to me with a half-smile. "What are we doing tonight?" I pick up my little notecard binder with post-its sticking out the side and say, "Are you ready? I've got a lot planned for us tonight. I plan to make you feel this one." (Lately, he claims he doesn't feel the workout the next day...something I totally plan to change. He needs to know what that sore-happiness feels like. It is my new goal in life to make him hate me in all the best ways.) He blurts out another "Oh, no!" but I can tell he's excited. I've combined the workout from Monday we missed with Wednesday's workout. It's a no-no according to my fitness regime, but I don't give two craps about that. I want to feel this one - and Thursday is a rest day, so I can kill myself tonight and make concessions and apologies to my body tomorrow.


Standing Lateral Raises
Working: Front, Rear and Side Deltoids (Shoulders)

Target: 4 sets - reps: 20/14/12/10
Last Time: 4 sets - reps: 15/12/12/10 - weight: 5 pounds the whole time
Last Night: 4 sets - reps: 20/14/12/10 - weight: 5/12/12/15
Hubs' Actual: 4 sets - reps: 20/14/12/10 - weight: 10/10/10/12
(he's trying to get used to the idea that you increase the weight each time, if possible)

We hate these and love them at the same time. My shoulders scream the entire time. At rep 7 we both looked at each other in the mirror and grimaced. We started grunting and doing the "shoo-shoo" breathing soon after. And after every set, Hubs looked at me after a short rest and said, "Again??" Yep. Again. I got on him one time about psyching himself out. He said something to the effect of "I don't think I can do any more." I looked straight at him and told him that he was talking himself out of it. "If you think you can't, you won't. Talk positive. Tell yourself you can, and I bet you'll surprise even yourself." He did...and I didn't hear much negative after that (except more AGAIN??s *lol*)

He took a big breath after that, and I could see him eyeing the purple post-its in my notecard binder. I could see that, "OH CRAP!" look on his face. I smiled and bounced my way over to the incline bench. "These are some of my favorites!" I told him, which seemed to snap him out of it a bit. Then I sat down to show him what to do and get my set in.


Barbell Incline Bench Press
Working: Upper Pectorals, Front Deltoids, and Triceps (chest and arms)

Target: 4 sets - reps: 16/12/10/8
Last Time: 4 sets - reps: 16/12/10/8 - weight: 45 lb barbell alone
Last Night: 4 sets - reps: 16/12/9/7 - weight: 45/50/50/55

I call that progress, yes I do. Even if I did fail on the last two sets...I'm showing my body what it can do and what I expect it to do. (Thank goodness Hubs was there to spot me, though!)

Hubs Actual: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/8 - weight: 45/50/55/75

Yep, I discovered something rather quickly...Hubs was wimping out on me. He had resigned himself to just do whatever I could do - but he should, logically, be able to do more...he's always had more upper body strength than me! I watched his first set and got a little miffed. He was pumping through each rep like he was lifting a roll of paper towels. TOO EASY! I tried going easy on him when I upped it at first, thinking maybe he was just controlling the "This is challenging" faces because he didn't want me to think he couldn't do anything. During his second set I actually blurted out, "Still too easy!" and he did two extra just to try and appease me. It didn't work. We went up again. Still no struggle at 55 pounds. "Screw this!" I thought. I started piling on some weight and he ended up staring at the 75 pound bar and then looking back at me with this face of, "Are you trying to effing kill me?!" Yes, metaphorically speaking, I am! I smiled at him. "It's just 8. You can do 8." He sat down and I smirked a bit and said, "By the way, that's 75 pounds." I think he lost his breath for a second, but then I saw the resolve return to his face and I watched him struggle through each rep. At rep 6 he wanted to quit. I slipped my fingers under the bar and said, "Come on. Just ONE more." He did one more. "One more and you'll have it!" I said. He did one more. (So THAT is why PTs do that!? *lol* I didn't even realize I was doing it until it came out.) I helped him get the bar back on and smiled. "You did all 8!" I said excitedly. I think he may have smiled. I think I may have gained some bonus "you might work as a trainer after all" points too.


Front Dumbbell Raises
Working: Front Deltoids (shoulders), Trapezius (look it up! *lol* it's back shoulder area)

Target: 4 sets - reps: 20/12/10/8
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 20/12/10/8 - weight: 5/10/10/12
Hubs Actual: 4 sets - reps: 20/12/10/8 - weight: 5/12/15/15

(Just so you know, next time he WILL pick up those 20 pound dumbbells. He's afraid of them, I know it. I used them already, so he certainly should be able to!) These weren't quite as hard. We gave each other a few looks in the mirror, but I think we were both just glad they weren't lat raises! *lol* It's funny, it's about this time I started to notice other people at the gym and saw their attitude toward me had changed. As Hubs and I moved with determination from one thing to the other, they let me be. It used to be that they'd watch me, eye me with annoyance or even with a look that was almost protective. I was hoping one day they would just accept that I was doing my thing and, unless I was in serious risk of injuring myself, to leave me be. Last night, they did just that. It's also around this time that I started to notice the clear separation between my shoulder and bicep muscles. Funny, I just read something the other day that said that wouldn't happen until a person was 20%-25% body fat. Hrmph. Whatevs, dude. I may be fat still, but I'm built WELL! I made myself that way! After this workout, Hubs started complaining that we hadn't done any bicep work. My poor Hubs and his lack of focus. You have to work ALL the muscles. You don't want huge biceps and the rest of your arm and chest all flabby, do you?! *lol*

Barbell Flat Bench Press
Working: Mid Pectorals (chest), Front Shoulders and Triceps

Target: 3 sets - reps: 12/10/8
Last Time: 3 sets - reps: 12/10/6 - weight: 45/55/65
Last Night: 3 sets - reps: 12/10/5 - weight: 45/55/65

*pouts* But my arms were already getting sore, so I forgive them.

Hubs Actual: 3 sets - reps: 12/10/8 - weight: 55/65/75

I KNEW not to start him out small this time! HA! I had to help him on the last set again, encourage him and tell him to just do one more, but he made it through. By this time I was giddy and actually dancing in the weight room (lightly...I'm not suicidal!). I was in pure bliss. He was starting to feel it. I could tell by his groans and his looks of death he was throwing at me. "One more!" I told him. "Thank God!" I think was his reply. *lol* Then I told him it was a bicep devoted exercise and he was eager to get to it.


Reverse Barbell Curls
Working: Biceps and Outer Forearms

Target: 3 sets - reps: 16/14/14
Actual: 3 sets - reps: 16/14/14 - weight: 15/25/35
Hubs Actual: 3 sets - reps: 16/14/14 - weight: 45 lb. barbell only

So I let him slide on adding more weight on the last one. I know I should have pushed him, but I can't lift the 45 pound barbell like this, so I have no clue how hard a time he was having. I do know that my EZ-Curl bar was getting pretty heavy by the end there! I do know he was "shoo-shoo" breathing with me, and we were both standing there grunting as we looked in the mirror. It almost made me giggle...especially when he asked, "How many, again?" and I had to wait until my rep was finished to gasp out the answer. I looked at him and smiled. By the last set, I looked straight at him and said, "Alright, babe. Last 14! Make 'em count!" Since when did I become THAT person? I mean, I know this is the crap I feed myself, but why is it coming out of my mouth? And why does it seem to be working on him? *lol*

By the time it was over, we were exhausted. I knew Hubs was going to feel it (okay, I really, really hope he will!) the next day. He was more than ready to go home. And then I looked at him and gave an apologetic look. He gave me back the "What?" look and I shrugged at him. "We should really do at least 5 minutes of cardio to round this out." I told him. I had already resigned to going home early and skipping out on my planned 35 minute session on the elliptical because I had doubled up the ST. I told myself that I could walk at lunch today...or not...either way, I'll get done what I need to for the week, no problem. (One good thing about pushing yourself further is you end out coming out ahead - that gives you the luxury to be a TINY BIT lazy every once in a while without it really hurting the plan.)

He shook his head I think. I know he sighed. And then he agreed. We headed upstairs just in time to catch the two ellipticals together. "Five to ten minutes, tops!" I told him. We got on and both started pumping our legs at about 120. Then Florence + the Machine came on in my one headphone (I keep one on so I can hear my music, and the other out so I can hear Hubs). It hit a fast part and I could feel the endorphin rush coming through me. I hunkered down and gave that machine everything I had, getting to about 210. Hubs laughed at my giddiness as I sang to him quietly, flung my head around, did a whole little flashdance scene right there on the elliptical (the fast moving legs scene, not the whole water thing..that would have been awkward!). I slowed down...and then a second later, he sped up to about 170. I turned to him and gasped playfully. "Trying to outdo me, I see! That WILL NOT work for me!" I sped up to 180. He sped up to 190. I went to 200. Before I knew it I had topped myself out at 250 (I didn't know I could DO THAT!) and he was speeding along around 270 and we were both smiling like little kids. I have to say, that one minute of play on the ellipticals goes up there with some of my favorite moments we've shared - and we've been together since we were about 13, so that's saying something! (while I planned on doing 10 minutes, really..I knew I could push him to it...I had to pee!! *lol* We did 5 and I ran downstairs to empty the tank.) Before I let him leave, I ran him through a stretching routine. He didn't want to do it. He kept telling me "I'll stretch in the car on the way home." But I got him to do it, and I felt much better after.

As we were leaving the gym, Hubs said something about his father. We've been joking to my FIL that if he joins the gym I will try to train him the best I can from my limited knowledge. Lately, my FIL has been referring to me as the diet and exercise expert of the family and saying things like, "This is what this book says, but I'll refer to you because you know what you're talking about." *lol* It's intimidating at times, but sweet too. Hubs repeated himself, "We have GOT to get my Dad to join the gym." Maybe it's me, but I took that as a compliment on my ability to keep the energy flow up during our session. I got a little bit of "I'm a trainer head" and started seriously wondering what it would take to get me certified. It's certainly a full-blown passion of mine now...and I keep thinking -- it's amazing where you find yourself when you give yourself the freedom to do what moves you.

Me, a certified trainer? Maybe one day. For now, I'm happy just making my Hubs hate me at the gym and love me later. I can't wait to call him today and see how sore he is. I know typing is causing me to feel the soreness in my arms...I just hope I achieved the same for him.

Happy lifting, everyone! Remember to have some fun while you're at it. Make it a friendly competition with a friend or loved one or chase the kids. You don't even realize how much good you're giving your body WHILE feeding your heart and soul with memories!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MENACE79 3/7/2011 9:18PM

    #1 - Hugh Jackman = Yum indeed. #2 - I would totally hire you as a trainer. You should definitely consider making it a reality. #3 - Every time I read one of your gym blogs I get so freaking jealous of your gym! Mine sucks - doesn't even have a women's changing room or showers. Sure, it gets the job done, but I have SUCH gym envy!!

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ATREAT4ME 3/3/2011 10:33PM

    There is so much wonderful stuff in your blog that I don't even know where to start....
My physical therapist cleared me for running intervals so I really thought of you tonight as I redid C25K, w1d3. I love the quote that no matter how slow you run, you're still faster than the one who's sitting on the couch.

Kudos to you and to Hubs for doing this together. The time and support you are giving each other is amazing. What a great way to strengthen you bond. So as you're building healthier bodies, you're building a healthier union as well. That ROCKS!

I love your new background! So appropriate for your year of adventures and the big road trip you're about to take. Oh, Esther! You are just going to have so much fun. I can hardly wait to read your blogs!

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CHRISTINECAN 3/3/2011 6:56PM

    What a fun read and what a great relationship.

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RAVENSONG37 3/3/2011 6:37PM

    This blog is so full of awesome. And I saw on FB that hubs is feeling it for sure! I think you would be an A-MAZING trainer!! You fricken rock my socks.

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PAPER_WINGS18 3/3/2011 6:21PM

    oooh how I love "regular" planks! Side planks on the other hand...They can SUCK it!! LOL. Way to go on your all around awesomeness!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 3/3/2011 4:09PM

    Loved this: "No matter how slow you run, it is still faster than someone sitting on a couch."

Awesome how you and your hubby are doing this together.

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KT-NICHOLS-13 3/3/2011 11:57AM

    This says it all - "'re a total winner tonight."

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TIGERJANE 3/3/2011 11:27AM

    what a sweet story! (and you're an amazing writer). I read your workout routines and feel so guilty - I know I could be pushing it harder when I go to the gym! I havent done a minute long plank if FOREVER. I always stop when I start trembling. Your story was great motivation to push through that trembling and just hold it. Will it to happen!
I really wish my man was as down for exercising with me. The times he's gone he uses low weights, he does one round at each machine, then comes and stands by me, repeatedly asking how much longer, saying he's done and wants to leave (and it's usually only been 15 minutes). I dont bring him anymore, and that's perfectly fine with him!
Thanks for posting this - your blogs are always my favorite to read!

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XTMONT 3/3/2011 11:15AM

    You are amazing and can do anything you can set your mind to!

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Back Where I Belong

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

That's right, ladies and gents...I went back to the gym last night. Oh what joy I felt when I heard my little keycard *BEEP* it's pretty little beep. I didn't care that I was tired. I didn't care that I was in for a long night. I was going to sweat and feel so good after. (When I have trouble getting to the gym, I just imagine the afterglow and it usually spurs me in the right direction.)

Zumba was amazing last night. Difficult and challenging, and there was a girl there who looked just like I would LOVE to look someday who was perfect in my eyes and doing the moves perfectly and I wanted to punch her in the face until I realized I could use her to find even more ways of doing MY moves. I could use her as a challenge to myself. "Can you do what the perfect girl can do?" I asked myself. Then I proved to myself I could, or I almost could, or that I liked doing it a different way. I sweated a TON and felt GREAT after...sore and exhausted, but fully energized as well.

I then did a few laps with Hubs around the track as he was just finishing up 30 minutes on the elliptical. (I am so darn proud! When he started last month, 5 minutes on the thing made him want to vomit. I told him it would get easier and he'd soon be doing 30-45-or even 60 minutes. He didn't believe me, but there he was last night after 30 minutes and 2.23 miles of elliptical training. *PROUD*) I told him he had to walk the track a few times to get his legs back under him, and I walked with him.

Downstairs after a couple track laps, we headed over to the machines and got to work on our legs. He tried keeping up...

Leg Extensions


Target: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12 - weight: 60/70/80/90

After that he said his legs were jiggly. So we moved on to...

Donkey Calf Raises


Target: 4 sets - reps: 20/16/16/16
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 20/16/16/16 - weight: 50/60/70/80

By this point he wanted to kill me. He said he was sure I was torturing him and he was sure I was doing it wrong. So we moved on to...

Machine Leg Curls


Target: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12 - weight: 40/50/60/70

He got in the first set or two and then said he felt dizzy and wanted to vomit. (Maybe I'm not the only one who hates the lightheaded feeling this stupid machine gives me. I hate the positioning of my body while doing this and it feels wrong somehow.)

I stretched before ST and after cardio, after my short warmup work before cardio, during my ST, and again after my ST. I felt like I was back in full force. I felt like a champ again. My legs HATED me and I loved them for the burning and soreness because it meant a better tomorrow.

Later on the phone last night, Hubs was talking to his mother and told her that we had just gotten back from the gym. "I tried to keep up with her," he said, speaking about me. "And then I just had to let her go without me. I couldn't keep up, I was so dizzy!" I know the point of those comments were more to explain how much I had put him through last night, but am I the only one who hears pride in my husband's voice? He's been letting me train him more at the gym. He asked last night when we were going to do arm work and I simply said, "Tomorrow." Okay, so I may have followed that with, "Now sit down and do 12 reps....if you can..." ;) It's been fun. I even offered to train my FIL if he wanted to join the gym. I love having someone to do the workouts with, and I always tell Hubs that if there's anything he wants to work that I'm not working, just let me know and I'll show him what to do and spot or watch him. (So far he's turned me down, but he also used to turn me down on ST with me at all, so maybe he'll come around eventually.)

Throughout the ST portion of our workout though, the M-word came out. MEXICAN. You see, there's a Mexican restaurant right across the street from the gym. It's an evil place full of fat, salt and margaritas. (Okay, the margaritas are actually quite good...) When Hubs is facing a hungry belly after workout he brings it up from time to time. Last night, he brought it up and, as always, asked what I wanted to do. I usually give saves me from having to cook. But the night before when I was supposed to cook grilled chicken and roasted vegetables, we ate Captain D's. (GROSS!) I had put this chicken/veggie dinner on my tracker TWICE and now I was going to have to take it off AGAIN for something more fattening? *sigh* I hate disappointing them. Logan was already asking to go out, and now Hubs wanted to as well. *sigh* And if I went home and made dinner, it would likely be 10pm before we got to eat (because my stove/oven SUCKS!)...the kids were supposed to be in bed by 9pm.

I felt guilty.
I felt ashamed.
I felt determined.
I thought maybe I could go with them and not eat.
Then I realized that was probably not possible AT ALL.

Finally I ran off to the locker room and told Hubs to let me think. I thought and thought. I finally walked slowly back out, turned to him, apologized and explained that I did not want to go out. I told him that I was sorry, but that I didn't want to waste the calories. I asked him if he would like me to pick something up for him and the boys on the way home, maybe. Hubs told me it was alright and drove off with the boys to pick up pizza and take home. I went home and started the LONG process of making a very SIMPLE meal. (I drank a glass of soy chocolate milk while cooking to hold me over.)

And at 10pm, when I sat down to eat my grilled chicken spiced only with sea salt and cracked peppercorn, and my roasted fingerling potatoes, green, red and orange peppers and green beans with only sea salt, cracked peppercorn, olive oil and some Italian seasoning, as I drank my water I felt amazing.

"See?" I told myself. THIS is why you belong at the gym and at the stove. This is why it's worth the wait. You don't feel guilty or gross. You don't have to admit to any eating out. You don't need to overflush tomorrow all the salt you ate today. You can just enjoy this meal. You can even allow yourself a few more veggies, if you'd like. You can enjoy this food AND feel proud. Kids were taken care of, and so was I.

(And I'm salivating just thinking of the leftovers I get to have tonight!)



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIN4771 3/3/2011 7:36AM

    awesome blog esther!!! you should be and continue to be so proud of yourself, and paying it forward, how great is that!!!! emoticon

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BTINTERNET 3/2/2011 9:24PM

    You are so amazing E!! What a great evening!

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ATREAT4ME 3/2/2011 5:53PM

    I am thrilled and delighted and super happy for you. What a great workout and what a great eating decision. I am thrilled that you were so good to yourself. Awesome job!

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ALCONSTANT 3/2/2011 2:46PM

    What a great blog, I really enjoyed reading this.

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RUSSELLORAMA 3/2/2011 2:17PM

    Wow you are a trainer! That's awesome.

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SARAWALKS 3/2/2011 2:10PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 3/2/2011 1:59PM

    Wow. Tough decision.

Does the Mexican place have anything they can throw together to make a salad for you? I often carry those envelopes of tuna with me and add them to restaurant food for the extra lean protein. That way I can still socialize but not have to eat the bad stuff.

Anyway I'm glad your meal was satisfying. It sure sounds better than something from a Mexican restaurant!

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YOOVIE 3/2/2011 1:52PM

    this is so kickass

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LOTUSFLOWER 3/2/2011 1:42PM

    Wow, what a great workout, awesome compliment about hubs trying to keep up w/ you, and amazing choice for dinner!!!! My hubby also likes to suggest the "bad stuff" and it's so hard to resist. Brava!!! So proud of you!

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MAGPIE17 3/2/2011 1:33PM

    Awesome, E. Simply awesome. WTG!

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February Recap/March Goals

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Well, February was a short month, but I'm still proud of the progress that I made. I'm still not doing all that great at remembering to log everything, but doing is much more important than logging, I think, so I'm alright with that.


Here are my first 3-months goals and how I'm doing so far on them:

1. Log 90 miles

January - 26
February - 12
Total = 38/90

Left to Log - 52!
YIKES! Again, not doing so great at logging, so I may have done more than I realize, but still, this one makes me sad. Of course, it's no surprise to me considering my poor attitude regarding my inability to run. I need to just be okay with walking the miles I need. I don't know that I'll get this goal, but I can try to do the best I can, right? I think I can at least do 30 miles this month on the elliptical and treadmill and road. I need to train the next two weeks for the 7k, and then that will add some miles to my total as well.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

January - 0
February - 5

Left to Log - 15 pounds.
Alright, let's face it. I'm not going to hit this one. I'm alright with that. At least we're moving in the right direction again (FINALLY!) so as long as there's progress, I'm happy. Let's hope March will bring me another 5 pound loss at least!

3. Complete Couch 2 5k Program

Not going to happen, so let's just leave that alone.

4. Finish 2 Races

Left to Log: 2/2 races
Okay, so I have registered for the 7k at least. There are a couple other races this month that might give me my two for the first 3 months of the year. Right now I'm looking at the Celtic Knot 5k in Lewisburg, WV on March 26th. I'll have to make a decision on that one soon, though.

5. Complete 30 Day Shred

Again, I haven't started it, but as I noted last month, I've been working a different program - the 8-week Weight Loss & Definition program will run me until the end of March. After that, I'll start 30DS and get that done before summer...that's the plan right now. I'm alright with not completing this one simply because I have something to put in it's place. I kinda missed a lot of workouts last week when I was sick, but I'm going right back to it tonight. I'm already noticing changes, so I'm a happy girl with this heavy lifting stuff right now. Plus, it kinda makes me feel a bit like Wonder Woman...and that's not a bad thing at all, is it?

6. Finish "Winning After Losing"

Read in January - 0 pages
Read in February - 75 pages

Left for March: 118 pages
Yes, I could have done better, but I was working on a few other things this month, including memorizing 3 monologues for VM, so I was a little busy. I didn't even finish my Burstyn book and have already thrown in a Terry Brooks book for the heck of it. (I just needed a fast and easy read, and I'm almost halfway done...I just started it 2 days ago.)

7. Read 3 Books (including 1 for research)

I'll finish this one for sure. And I read 2 with child's POV narrators, which can count toward my research goals.

Left for March: Finish Terry Brooks and Burstyn books

8. Do 1-Minute Plank

I had worked my way up to 50 seconds, and then started my heavy lifting program and completely forgot all about it. I may try out the arms tonight or tomorrow and see where I'm at, but I think I can for sure get this one accomplished before March 31st.

9. Log 3,900 Fitness Minutes

January - 1620
February - 630

Left to Log - 1650
Sad, right? I don't think that's right, but that's all I logged. *sigh* I think I might be able to hit this one, mainly because I'm nearly done with the paper, which will free up my Thursdays for more Zumba. For this week alone I have 345 minutes planned.

10. Attend 20 Zumba classes

Honestly, I stopped counting, but I think I'm at about 5, and I know how sad that is, but I've been crazy busy. There is a Zumbathon this weekend, but I'll miss it because I'm going out of town. However, they're having an event next weekend bringing in a woman named Heather Rounds to teach 2 classes on March 12th and I'm pretty sure I'm going to try to be at one of those.

11. Fit into size 24 jeans

I'm calling this one - emoticon
Those tight 24s are still tight, but less tight and I can wear them out in public if I want (they just give a little more pudge up top then I'd like. Still, most 24s are fitting pretty darn well, and I even had to buy a size 22 pants at LB this past month.


Measurement Changes:
Body Part / February Start / March Start / Total Loss

Waist -- 47 -- 46 -- -1 inch!
Hips -- 58 -- 56 -- -2 inches!
Neck -- 15 -- 15 -- 0
Thigh -- 24.75 -- 24 -- -.75 inches!
Calf -- 21 -- 21 -- 0
Upper Arm -- 14.25 -- 14.25 -- 0

Total inches lost in February: 3.75
Total inches lost with SP to date: 44 inches! (and 17 are from my hips alone!)


My Specific Goals for February Were:

* Be under 330 pounds (I said I'd like to be around 325, if possible.)

* Lose some dang inches! (especially in the hips and waist, but also the legs)

* Log
Okay, not exactly...but I'm getting better. Time to get really honest and serious about this one!

* Get 12 glasses of water a day
Uhm, no. That happened a lot, but I can't say I did it every day. Is that unrealistic to expect?

* Start cooking at home again.
We had some great dishes this month!

* Boxing practice at least 1x/wk
Nope. I did it a few times, but it's much easier to do when CT is pushing me to keep going.

* Get ready for spring by walking, rowing, etc.
I did a little of this, but not nearly enough!


So that's how February went. I'm pretty pleased, even if I only lost 5 pounds. I realized today that even if I lost just 5 pounds a month, the continued progress would keep me going. That being said - I would love to have my 8-10 pounds a month losses back!! *lol* So, now we're starting March and besides the minor annoyance of having to scrape my car windows this morning on MARCH FIRST (WTF?!), I'm actually looking forward to it.

Let me start off by saying that things are moving in a somewhat different direction around here. Both Hubs and I have been changing a lot as people. I'm not sure if it's because we're both 30 and finally settling in, or because I've started all these big changes and it's sparking other things as well. I've noticed we're kinder, more forgiving, more willing to accept and admit to our mistakes...and we don't stay as angry as long with one another. I can honestly say it is making me a happier person. Even days like yesterday, when everything went wrong and I was bored out of my mind and got none of what I wanted to accomplish done, I'm still able to get through and bounce back with more vigor than before.

Changes to expect in March:
* A new car??
Hubs and I have been shopping for a new baby since my old girl is finally starting to show serious signs of old age. (She's a 1995 with 306k miles on's really no wonder!) So we're looking and seriously considering. Old but new to us? Completely new? Not sure what will happen. I know what I want to happen, and I actually had dreams about it last night, but that requires a lot of cards falling in just the right places for it to happen. We'll see. Let's just leave it at that.

* A haircut!
Seriously, my hair has become so unmanageable and I'm annoyed. Plus, it's almost spring, which is when I usually get my shorter cut back again and get it thinned to high heaven. I'm making an appointment to see my stylist soon...and I'm probably going to make an appointment for Hubs as well.

* Adventure Blog
Now that I've left the paper (well, Thursday is my last day), I should have more time to devote to this and, perhaps, to writing articles for Hubs. We shall see. I do know that I have to review an iPhone case before the week is out...I'm testing it now and not quite sure what I think yet. Anyhow, I'll let you know when updates are ready. I really need to get a blog post somewhere written down about the VM experience before I forget it.

* Lone Wolf
Okay, I know I mentioned it before, but my BIG adventure for March will not be walking a 7k or meeting a Sparkie, but will, instead, be driving 16 hours in a car by myself from WV to MN. I'm nervous, excited and about 10 other different things. What's more, I'm not even sure what I'm driving. I can't take the van up there, so I've got a rental car reserved right now...but if Hubs and I make a car purchase before then, I might be testing out the new girl on the open road. All the unknowns are driving me a little bit batty, I'll be honest, but I'm trying to just go with it.

* Country Girl?
Okay, so I'm going to a country concert this weekend. Anyone who knows me would find that humorous. I'm not a huge fan of country. There are a few singers I like - Faith Hill, Garth Brooks, and even Taylor Swift is alright. Thankfully, when my friend told me that she wanted to go see a country concert this weekend for her birthday, she immediately said one word that made it alright -- Reba. Okay, I like her. I know NONE of her "new" stuff (new meaning since the late nineties...the last time I listened to any country music), but she's a great woman - empowering, with the great red hair and the sassy attitude. I can handle that. So, yes...the girl who doesn't like country, who moved from OH to WV and was surrounded by it, who blares her Pink Floyd to compete with Toby Keith (UGH!) on the open roads around here, that girl is going to a country concert on Friday night. Oh, the things we do for our friends. I do hope I have some fun...and at least it's not Toby. (No offense to people who actually LIKE country music...I'd just rather see Blue October or some alternative rock group mmmkaythanks.)


So, finally...after I bored you with all of that.

Specific goals for March:

emoticon Under 320. (Which is -6 pounds.)
I want to see my 319 by the end of the month. And, to be perfectly honest, I would LOVE to see 316.2 - my 100 pounds lost mark...but I'm just going to get as close as I can without expecting everything to happen at once because that's the SMART thing to do! (See, I'm learning!)

emoticon Finish the freetrainers program
I can't wait to see how much I can lift by the end and compare that to what I was lifting when I started. Plus, I will have all these new exercises to add into my regular routines!

emoticon LOG!
It's time to get super serious about this. I do not eat it if I will not log it. And I must log each and every exercise and every minute spent working out.

emoticon 12 Glasses of Water
Okay, so I'm not good at keeping things going like this for a WHOLE month, and it also ties into my logging - I suck at logging it. BUT, I have to remind myself that I need more water.

emoticon Get more sleep!
I seriously need to work on getting more sleep as well. To be perfectly honest, I think sleep had more to do with my big weight loss week of 2.2 pounds last week than anything else. I like to stay busy, so sometimes I simply forget that my body also needs sleep. 6-8 hours, Esther. You can't make it all up on Sunday! 6-8 hours PER NIGHT!

emoticon Try at least 5 new recipes
We're still doing our "exotic cooking" challenge to ourselves, so we're going to pick a few more countries and see what they have to offer us. In February we found 2 new loves - Moussaka (an eggplant lasagne dish from Greece) and Cassoulet (From France. OMG! LOVE! as did everyone else). I know one recipe I'll already be cooking is the new lentil soup recipe my nutritionist just sent me. I have to find a way to use the miracle food that is lentils!

emoticon Yo-gatta Yoga!
I'm challenging myself to use at least 20 minutes every Sunday to decompress and stretch with Yoga. I have fallen off the Yoga wagon, and I seriously need to get back on. Sunday is normally a rest day, but Yoga is so low impact, I'm pretty sure I can get in just 20 minutes every Sunday.

Finally, I need to put this Fitspo somewhere:

Quotes -
"I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."
"Sometimes you have to stop thinking so much and go where your heart takes you."
"Everyone loses games. Few change them."
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you cannot do."
"Make your own luck."
"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
"Yesterday you said 'tomorrow.'"

And this Nike ad with Marilyn Monroe:
"A woman is often measured by the things she cannot control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat or straight or round. She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers, by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside. And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control, by who she is and who she is trying to become. Because as every woman knows, measurements are only statistics, and STATISTICS LIE."

Happy March, everyone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LMCANADA 3/2/2011 9:30AM

    GREAT job meeting all those goals!!!!! Keep up the awesome work!!!


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ATREAT4ME 3/1/2011 5:43PM

    You look so awesome inthat picture! Have a great March. And take lots of pictures on your lone wolf adventure.

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RAVENSONG37 3/1/2011 2:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I get energized reading your blogs. You have no idea just how much I look up to you. I think you are so freakin amazing and I'm so proud to call you my sister-from-another mother and I SERIOUSLY cannot wait to see you again in 2 weeks and 3 days!!!! WOOT!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RORYTA 3/1/2011 1:11PM

    You can totally hit your fitness minutes goal. CONGRATS on dropping down a size or two ;)
Don't worry about water, some days are easier than others to get in all that water.
When I was 1st starting out, I would put 4 bottles of water next to me, which was about 8 cups of water. month after month I would put one more bottle, and keep doing the same thing every single day.

Now I think my body just knows how much water its used to having and it DEMANDS it LOL.

It's nice about you and your husband, this journey changes you, to the better, not just on the outside. am so happy for you. it sounds like you have a lot of success under your belt. and I expect more to come in the coming months. you're very inspiring.

and you TOTALLY didn't bore me. I was SOOO into reading this blog I forgot everything around me lol. March is gonna be awesome I KNOW IT.

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COCOMAC7 3/1/2011 12:48PM

    love the new goals. I think you had a successful February!

PS love the picture! Very pretty!

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MAGPIE17 3/1/2011 12:28PM

    LOVE the Marilyn quote!! WTG on your February progress in the face of adversity, and let's rock March!

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Weigh-In: 90 Pounds Lost Edition!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Yesterday was Weigh-In Day!

Weight Last Week: 328.0
Weight Goal for This Week: 326.0
Actual Weight This Week: 325.8!
Weight Loss/Gain This Week: -2.2 pounds

SP Starting Weight: 416.2
Highest Weight: 466.6

Weight Lost with SP: 90.4 pounds!
Total Weight Lost from Highest: 140.8!

That's right, ladies and gents...I finally hit my 90 pounds lost with SP! Just 10 pounds to go before I reach that Century mark again! And I've lost a total overall of almost 150 pounds! That's amazing!

So what did I do this week? Well, let's see.

I worked out Monday and Tuesday nights. (At least, I think I worked out Monday... *lol*)
And then I got sick. Super sick. Stay in bed for 2 days and eat very little sick.
By Friday I was feeling better, but I had to skip the gym and head straight from work to perform in the Vagina Monologues (which went very well, I'm proud to say!).
And Saturday we went from Logan's basketball game, to Parkersburg for some car shopping, and then straight to the Theatre again for our last performance.

This week I ate Macaroni & Cheese...and didn't care for it.
This week I let myself worry more about getting better than workouts and calories.
This week I laid off the sweets because I know that being sick and eating sweets is not a good combo.
This week I only ate out a couple times...and had one Margarita to finish out the final performance of VM.

It was great to lose while not really focusing, but I know it was partly a fluke of being sick and finally getting some sleep. This week, if I want to see more changes, I'm going to have to work for them.

I had my second boxing lesson with CT yesterday. It was great! I felt more comfortable. I got a ton of "good!"s from CT. I started finding a rhythm. And, with his help, I also found my left hook. I like the left hook! *lol* Now I have a bunch of combinations I can use at the gym combining 1 (jab), 2 (right cross) and 3 (left hook). I'm still sore from yesterday and while it felt great to have a few days off to let the muscles really heal, I'm still loving the soreness I get from a good workout! Ethan took some photos, so I'll have to see if they are any good and then, if they are, post one or two.

Okay, so onwards...right?

This week the plan is to get back to my exercising and to be nice to my hip.

Step 1 - Get back to the gym!
Not sure if I'll make it there tonight...Hubs is going to be making some calls about cars today and I may have to take off early and drive up to Ohio to buy a new car...we'll see. I packed my gym bag though...just in case. But Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday are set to be workout days nonetheless.

Step 2 - Back to calorie counting and logging
I'm going to stay on top of my calories this week. I went off the game yesterday, but I'm back on it for the rest of the week. No more illness to fall back on, so I need to make sure I stay around 1700 calories.

Step 3 - Don't lose sight of my goals
My two main areas of focus right now are those last 10 pounds to get me to 316.2 and walking 4.5 miles at some point this week to prepare me for the 7k that's coming up in 19 days! I also want to schedule another boxing session this week for sometime in March. This once a month boxing is a great way to switch it up a bit and have a personal trainer for an hour that pushes me to keep going. Three minutes of jabs? Just DO it...don't pout about it. You can't stop. Just go! ....Geez, alright CT...I get it! ;)

Step 4 - Water flush!
While my toilet may be having a problem flushing, I plan on making my body do just that. 10 glasses a day of water minimum. I drank a lot of water this week while I was sick, and I know how good that was for my body. Time to follow that up this week with another stellar flushing performance!

Four goals. Easy, right? Not at all. I have to keep my focus...have to maintain my gaze upon what I really want. I'm not done yet. Not even close. Even though I'm super proud of my accomplishments this far, this is no time to get lazy. I want to rid myself of this belly. I want to see 299 before winter rolls around again. I want to show myself that I can keep going and going and become the person I've always wanted to be. 90 pounds lost has made me stronger, more confident, more able to do the things I want...and more will just get me even closer to all the dreams in my head of a better life for myself and my family.

Away we go! 90 pounds down. Let's see how far we can get with a little patience, understanding, perseverance, and determination!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-SHIMMER-ANN- 3/3/2011 11:36AM

! I love it, girlie!!! Congrats :)

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AMBERHENLEY 3/2/2011 2:02PM

    You're doing great! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RUNNINGNP2B 3/2/2011 5:31AM


emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Congrats on the 90lbs. That is aweinspiring and you look fantastic! emoticon

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MAGSA10 2/28/2011 10:27PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You Rock this weight loss journey with SP. You and yours should be very proud of the hard work and dedication you have put into this. Stay strong and keep on Sparking.

Maggie j.

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POPCORN2011 2/28/2011 10:26PM


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CHAR1970 2/28/2011 8:32PM

    Wow, congrats on your weight loss! And good luck with your future endeavors. I know you can do it!

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SWEETLIPS 2/28/2011 7:17PM

    Congratulations to you for this remarkable journey!!!!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/28/2011 6:58PM


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SPUNKYDUCKY 2/28/2011 2:40PM

    Woot woot! You are utterly fantastic - congrats on having such a great week, despite being sick!

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RIGBY31 2/28/2011 1:52PM

    You are such a committed, hard worker and have 90 lbs gone to show for it. Excellent!

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KITHKINCAID 2/28/2011 1:17PM

    Way to go! TOM held me back from 90 pounds this week myself, but that's ok, I'm hoping to see it next week.

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MADEMCHE 2/28/2011 12:27PM

    You are awesome! Congratulations!

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ERIN1128 2/28/2011 12:19PM

    So glad VM went well! And CONGRATS on 90 lbs!!!

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FORTUNATEFOOL74 2/28/2011 11:53AM

    You are rocking this!

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RUNTRILAUGH 2/28/2011 11:40AM


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CHICAT63 2/28/2011 11:30AM

    Woohoo, congrats on your loss. You keep this up and 299 will be yours in no time !

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MAGPIE17 2/28/2011 11:26AM

    Way to go, Esther! Kicking a$$ and taking names! Keep it up, chica (also, glad you're feeling better ;))!

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MUSTANGMISSY 2/28/2011 11:20AM

    Wow! That is awesome! Sounds like some good goals. You should lose that 10 pounds for good this month!

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XTMONT 2/28/2011 11:07AM

    Way to go!!!!!!!!

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KOMONDOR 2/28/2011 11:03AM

    So much happening in this post. Where's the dirt on the performance? Yay for keeping it going when life makes things hard. And congrats on your milestone.

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    That is so awesome - congratulations!!! :)

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COCOMAC7 2/28/2011 10:56AM

    Amazing! All your hard work is paying off! Congrats on the loss this week and way to set up this week to ensure you have a downward trend again!!!!

You rock!

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RUSSELLORAMA 2/28/2011 10:22AM

    Fantastic! So much accomplished to be proud of! But I know how you feel about having so much more to do and not wanting to get lazy. I'll be thinking of you at my boxing class today!

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KATIE2POINT0 2/28/2011 10:12AM

    Wowza Girl, you are my hero!!! You are amazing! I'm so glad the VM went well too. You're my inspiration this week... I want to hit 90 pounds one of these days!

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SARAWALKS 2/28/2011 9:59AM

    WOW that IS emoticon
AND I'm so glad your VM performance went well! emoticon
emoticon emoticon

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  OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations on a job well done, and well deserved success!!! I love how you always have things planned (I'm a planner too. :)). Keep up the great work and be proud! You deserve every ounce of this success! Great work girl!

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MICHELLESMILES_ 2/28/2011 8:27AM

    emoticon emoticon

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DETERMINED_SOUL 2/28/2011 8:24AM

    emoticon90 Pounds is emoticon

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SWELL10 2/28/2011 8:04AM

    emoticon, way to go! I'm close to my 90 lb mark (88.2) but have been stuck in this area for a couple weeks. Can't wait to get there! YOU ROCK!!!! emoticon

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ATREAT4ME 2/28/2011 7:58AM

    I am so glad your recuperation went well and stayed well! Congratulations not just on losing 90 pounds with SP but on learning how strong and confident you can be! Congratulations for planning each week, for taking on new challenges and finding new ways to make your life better each day. You are awesome and you deserve the dreams in your head to be the life you live!

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PAMINHALF 2/28/2011 7:50AM


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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/28/2011 7:41AM

    That IS amazing! Congrats Esther.

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BTINTERNET 2/28/2011 7:39AM

    Hooray! Glad the performances went well (not surprised! but glad!) and congrats on the big 90! Boxing sounds like a blast!


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SASSAGAIN 2/28/2011 7:18AM

    Congratulations on the loss, my dear. So so SO proud of you!!

And YAY on the VM!

Your goals are great this week. Keep track of them write them out and leave them all over the place to hlep you. bathroom, fridge, office......will help keep you motivated to get through the week, even when things get stressful.

Good luck on car hunting, too!

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THROOPER62 2/28/2011 7:04AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITMARY 2/28/2011 6:58AM

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TATTER3 2/28/2011 6:47AM

    I am awed by you!!!! What an inspiration!!! Keep Sparkin'!!!

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I Broke It Off...

Friday, February 25, 2011

That's right. This morning I told my bed that we were through...well, at least until tonight.

I'm feeling better today - THANK GOODNESS! I even managed to feel actual hunger pains, instead of the other stomach hurts.

Tonight, however, has me a nervous Nelly. Tonight is the opening of our production of The Vagina Monologues, and due to taking Ethan to the ER and being sick, I've missed the last 2 practices. I know my parts for the most part, because that I can do on my own. We'll have the books with us in case we forget lines or such, but I wanted to have the monologues at least mostly memorized so I didn't have to read them. Still, I'm nervous because I'm not quite sure when to stand up, sit down, etc. I guess I'll get a quick run-through before we start tonight.

I'm also stressed because I can't control everything. I can't control the high winds coming through our area. The heavy rains that might keep people at home. The mud that might lock in my in-laws. I can't control getting my husband to the theater or getting my kids off to a babysitter beforehand. Honestly, I don't know that he'll even show up tonight as we've been fighting off and on lately (being sick and being around each other too much can do that to the best relationships, I think). I can't tell you how my hair will do in this awful weather all day. I can't tell you if everyone else will be as animated as I want them to be. I can't control when the audience laughs no matter how well I deliver my lines. I can't even make people fill the seats...and my biggest fear is that it will all be for nothing and no one will show up.

But that's why I signed myself up for these adventures in the first place. What good would it do me if they were all easy? What good would I get out of it if I didn't learn how to let go a little bit and just trust that things either will or won't work out, and I'll still survive no matter which it is. I'm not jumping out of a plane. The worse thing that could happen would be humiliation, and I've been through that before and survived.

Do you know what else I couldn't control? My boxing instructor needing to reschedule our session. Do you know what happened when he called to reschedule? Uhm, we rescheduled. The world didn't fall apart. I didn't die. My life didn't come to a screaching halt just because the plan changed. I wish I could communicate just how important this lesson has been for me this year...and it relates directly to weight loss and fitness.

Crap happens. You can't control every detail. You can do the best you can and be almost perfect and STILL hit a roadblock. But the world doesn't stop just because you need to take a step back and reevaluate before moving on. Life goes on...and so will I, with a new plan, or even blindly until I find my way. The path does not need to be paved for me to take it. I can make a new path for myself by cutting away the brush if I need to. I don't have to be confined to plans made months and years in advance.

Still, I will make plans.
How could I not?
I'm the girl with the vacation binders! I will always make plans.
But 2011 is teaching me that even when all the plans fail, there can still be fun, there can still be laughter, I can still move forward.

Speaking of plans...did I share the one with you that includes me traveling by myself in a car, driving 16 hours to MN to walk in the 7k with MEZZOANGEL and RAVENSONG? Did I share with you all the plans THEY have made that I'm just going to go with? Anyone who knows me would do a double take if I told them all of this.

First of all - I'm driving alone. I don't exactly do things ALONE very often. I will, but only as last resort. And, sometimes, I say no to things I want simply BECAUSE I don't want to do them alone. But, at least for this trip, I'll be Thelma without my Louise. I'll enjoy the countryside. I'll enjoy the freedom of stopping when I want, eating where I want, taking a detour if I want. I get to make those choices, and I won't have to ask for any permission or worry that I'll hear any whining when I make them. If I want to stop and see the roadside attraction of the world's biggest golf ball or something, I can. That's completely up to me.

Second of all - I'm walking a 7k. I'm facing the challenge head on of not being able to run by putting myself in a race with two friends who WILL be running. My headspace is still a little off when it comes to this challenge, but every day I challenge myself to be proud of the me that is walking, not to shame the me that is not running. As my computer desktop says right now - "I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."

Third - I'm not the best at meeting strangers. Now, Becks I already know, of course, and love dearly. And while I love Mezzo as well, we've never tried the Real Life on for size, at least not yet. So far I've done well with my Spark meets. Hollynn and Ron are absolutely wonderful people and I crave their wisdom all the time. Becky is like the strongest force of positive energy I've yet to meet who doesn't put on the positivity in a sickeningly sweet sort of way, but in a matter of fact, things are lookin' up, you are going to do what you set out to do, honest to goodness sort of way. As we've already decided, we're sisters from other mothers. Still, I get nervous. Will we get along? Will the online connection translate into real life? Or will we drive each other crazy? What's more - I often find that vacationing with a friend is a true test of any friendship. Anne Marie and I are so close because in 2008 we spent 5 days in cramped quarters in NYC and not ONCE did we fight, not ONCE did we feel like we were getting on the other's nerves. Somehow we just WORKED. So me, going on vacation, and meeting someone new and hanging out with Becks again while both of us vacation...and, oh, why not, let's add in the whole 3 girls thing...because that has NEVER worked out for me for very long. ( did with Sarah, AM and I, so I guess I can't say that anymore).

Anyhow, I guess my point is, this year has so far been more about challenging my own misconceptions of myself and less about simply "losing weight." So far I've boxed and started heavy lifting...but as of tomorrow evening I will be able to say that I acted on stage, and by the end of next month I can say I met another Sparkie, took a 16 hour road trip alone, and challenged myself to a 7k walk when all I really wanted to do was run. And who knows what else I'll be able to put on my list once their plans come out to me fully. (Oh, yea, add to the list the fact that *I* am letting someone else plan! EEP!)

The plans:
February 25th & 26th - Vagina Monologues
February 27th - Master Zumba class?? and Boxing lesson (4pm)
March 3rd - Last night at the paper
March 16th - The journey to MN begins...

Oh, I wonder what other trouble I could get into along the way.
I wonder what the rest of 2011 holds?

Having plans is a great way to keep yourself motivated.
But learning that plans change and the world doesn't fall apart, is a great reminder that healthy living involves LIVING. Gotta roll with the punches if you want to keep going...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETLIPS 2/28/2011 7:42PM

    I am so glad that I found your blog through Crystal and read this post especially. I need to get out of my comfort zone and you just helped me - thanls

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BAYBELIEVER 2/26/2011 7:28PM

    Look at you rolling and walking and working on running! Such adventures! This is going to be your year! (and the next and the next...this is a lifelong journey, right? That means the adventure only continues!)

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ATREAT4ME 2/26/2011 11:01AM

    Break a leg, Esther!

I wish I could join you on your March 16 adventure. I think we'd have fun traveling together and I know we'd laugh each step of the 7K.

You are going to have an awesome 2011.

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HEATHER_TEACHAH 2/26/2011 1:55AM

    you're going to have so much fun at the 7k!!! Don't stress about that. You girls will have a blast :)

so glad you broke it off w/ the bed :) Time to get back to living! Enjoy the VMs!! I bet your performance will be awesome!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/25/2011 9:18PM

    First of all, I know you rocked it. Congrats! You looked beautiful.

Second of all, now you are freaking ME out. What if YOU guys don't like me? Or what if you don't have fun? When I picture that weekend, I see laughter and friendship abounding. I hope you experience the same when you get here.

Third of all, I'm super curious what you are going to wear to dinner. :)

Love you Esther.

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SARAWALKS 2/25/2011 6:00PM

    Love it love it love it, I am so excited for you, it is so scary and WONDERFUL to lose control!
But you still control YOU and that is the important thing.
You will be emoticon, in fact, you already are! emoticon

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DETERMINED_SOUL 2/25/2011 12:46PM

    Have fun with your play. I'm gad you are feeling better, you sound as though you were having what ever bug I was.

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RUSSELLORAMA 2/25/2011 11:29AM

    Taking risks and trying new things can be frightening, but the sense of sheer exhilaration when you pull it off is amazing. Break a leg tonight!

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KENDALL7261 2/25/2011 9:30AM

    Breathe, just breathe.
The rest will fall into place!

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