CALLIKIA   23,828
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
CALLIKIA's Recent Blog Entries

Weigh-In: 90 Pounds Lost Edition!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Yesterday was Weigh-In Day!

Weight Last Week: 328.0
Weight Goal for This Week: 326.0
Actual Weight This Week: 325.8!
Weight Loss/Gain This Week: -2.2 pounds

SP Starting Weight: 416.2
Highest Weight: 466.6

Weight Lost with SP: 90.4 pounds!
Total Weight Lost from Highest: 140.8!

That's right, ladies and gents...I finally hit my 90 pounds lost with SP! Just 10 pounds to go before I reach that Century mark again! And I've lost a total overall of almost 150 pounds! That's amazing!

So what did I do this week? Well, let's see.

I worked out Monday and Tuesday nights. (At least, I think I worked out Monday... *lol*)
And then I got sick. Super sick. Stay in bed for 2 days and eat very little sick.
By Friday I was feeling better, but I had to skip the gym and head straight from work to perform in the Vagina Monologues (which went very well, I'm proud to say!).
And Saturday we went from Logan's basketball game, to Parkersburg for some car shopping, and then straight to the Theatre again for our last performance.

This week I ate Macaroni & Cheese...and didn't care for it.
This week I let myself worry more about getting better than workouts and calories.
This week I laid off the sweets because I know that being sick and eating sweets is not a good combo.
This week I only ate out a couple times...and had one Margarita to finish out the final performance of VM.

It was great to lose while not really focusing, but I know it was partly a fluke of being sick and finally getting some sleep. This week, if I want to see more changes, I'm going to have to work for them.

I had my second boxing lesson with CT yesterday. It was great! I felt more comfortable. I got a ton of "good!"s from CT. I started finding a rhythm. And, with his help, I also found my left hook. I like the left hook! *lol* Now I have a bunch of combinations I can use at the gym combining 1 (jab), 2 (right cross) and 3 (left hook). I'm still sore from yesterday and while it felt great to have a few days off to let the muscles really heal, I'm still loving the soreness I get from a good workout! Ethan took some photos, so I'll have to see if they are any good and then, if they are, post one or two.

Okay, so onwards...right?

This week the plan is to get back to my exercising and to be nice to my hip.

Step 1 - Get back to the gym!
Not sure if I'll make it there tonight...Hubs is going to be making some calls about cars today and I may have to take off early and drive up to Ohio to buy a new car...we'll see. I packed my gym bag though...just in case. But Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday are set to be workout days nonetheless.

Step 2 - Back to calorie counting and logging
I'm going to stay on top of my calories this week. I went off the game yesterday, but I'm back on it for the rest of the week. No more illness to fall back on, so I need to make sure I stay around 1700 calories.

Step 3 - Don't lose sight of my goals
My two main areas of focus right now are those last 10 pounds to get me to 316.2 and walking 4.5 miles at some point this week to prepare me for the 7k that's coming up in 19 days! I also want to schedule another boxing session this week for sometime in March. This once a month boxing is a great way to switch it up a bit and have a personal trainer for an hour that pushes me to keep going. Three minutes of jabs? Just DO it...don't pout about it. You can't stop. Just go! ....Geez, alright CT...I get it! ;)

Step 4 - Water flush!
While my toilet may be having a problem flushing, I plan on making my body do just that. 10 glasses a day of water minimum. I drank a lot of water this week while I was sick, and I know how good that was for my body. Time to follow that up this week with another stellar flushing performance!

Four goals. Easy, right? Not at all. I have to keep my focus...have to maintain my gaze upon what I really want. I'm not done yet. Not even close. Even though I'm super proud of my accomplishments this far, this is no time to get lazy. I want to rid myself of this belly. I want to see 299 before winter rolls around again. I want to show myself that I can keep going and going and become the person I've always wanted to be. 90 pounds lost has made me stronger, more confident, more able to do the things I want...and more will just get me even closer to all the dreams in my head of a better life for myself and my family.

Away we go! 90 pounds down. Let's see how far we can get with a little patience, understanding, perseverance, and determination!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-SHIMMER-ANN- 3/3/2011 11:36AM

! I love it, girlie!!! Congrats :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMBERHENLEY 3/2/2011 2:02PM

    You're doing great! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUNNINGNP2B 3/2/2011 5:31AM


emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Congrats on the 90lbs. That is aweinspiring and you look fantastic! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAGSA10 2/28/2011 10:27PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You Rock this weight loss journey with SP. You and yours should be very proud of the hard work and dedication you have put into this. Stay strong and keep on Sparking.

Maggie j.

Report Inappropriate Comment
POPCORN2011 2/28/2011 10:26PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
CHAR1970 2/28/2011 8:32PM

    Wow, congrats on your weight loss! And good luck with your future endeavors. I know you can do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SWEETLIPS 2/28/2011 7:17PM

    Congratulations to you for this remarkable journey!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/28/2011 6:58PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
SPUNKYDUCKY 2/28/2011 2:40PM

    Woot woot! You are utterly fantastic - congrats on having such a great week, despite being sick!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RIGBY31 2/28/2011 1:52PM

    You are such a committed, hard worker and have 90 lbs gone to show for it. Excellent!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KITHKINCAID 2/28/2011 1:17PM

    Way to go! TOM held me back from 90 pounds this week myself, but that's ok, I'm hoping to see it next week.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MADEMCHE 2/28/2011 12:27PM

    You are awesome! Congratulations!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ERIN1128 2/28/2011 12:19PM

    So glad VM went well! And CONGRATS on 90 lbs!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FORTUNATEFOOL74 2/28/2011 11:53AM

    You are rocking this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUNTRILAUGH 2/28/2011 11:40AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
CHICAT63 2/28/2011 11:30AM

    Woohoo, congrats on your loss. You keep this up and 299 will be yours in no time !

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAGPIE17 2/28/2011 11:26AM

    Way to go, Esther! Kicking a$$ and taking names! Keep it up, chica (also, glad you're feeling better ;))!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSTANGMISSY 2/28/2011 11:20AM

    Wow! That is awesome! Sounds like some good goals. You should lose that 10 pounds for good this month!

Report Inappropriate Comment
XTMONT 2/28/2011 11:07AM

    Way to go!!!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KOMONDOR 2/28/2011 11:03AM

    So much happening in this post. Where's the dirt on the performance? Yay for keeping it going when life makes things hard. And congrats on your milestone.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    That is so awesome - congratulations!!! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
COCOMAC7 2/28/2011 10:56AM

    Amazing! All your hard work is paying off! Congrats on the loss this week and way to set up this week to ensure you have a downward trend again!!!!

You rock!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUSSELLORAMA 2/28/2011 10:22AM

    Fantastic! So much accomplished to be proud of! But I know how you feel about having so much more to do and not wanting to get lazy. I'll be thinking of you at my boxing class today!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATIE2POINT0 2/28/2011 10:12AM

    Wowza Girl, you are my hero!!! You are amazing! I'm so glad the VM went well too. You're my inspiration this week... I want to hit 90 pounds one of these days!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARAWALKS 2/28/2011 9:59AM

    WOW that IS emoticon
AND I'm so glad your VM performance went well! emoticon
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

  OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations on a job well done, and well deserved success!!! I love how you always have things planned (I'm a planner too. :)). Keep up the great work and be proud! You deserve every ounce of this success! Great work girl!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MICHELLESMILES_ 2/28/2011 8:27AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DETERMINED_SOUL 2/28/2011 8:24AM

    emoticon90 Pounds is emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SWELL10 2/28/2011 8:04AM

    emoticon, way to go! I'm close to my 90 lb mark (88.2) but have been stuck in this area for a couple weeks. Can't wait to get there! YOU ROCK!!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ATREAT4ME 2/28/2011 7:58AM

    I am so glad your recuperation went well and stayed well! Congratulations not just on losing 90 pounds with SP but on learning how strong and confident you can be! Congratulations for planning each week, for taking on new challenges and finding new ways to make your life better each day. You are awesome and you deserve the dreams in your head to be the life you live!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PAMINHALF 2/28/2011 7:50AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/28/2011 7:41AM

    That IS amazing! Congrats Esther.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BTINTERNET 2/28/2011 7:39AM

    Hooray! Glad the performances went well (not surprised! but glad!) and congrats on the big 90! Boxing sounds like a blast!


Report Inappropriate Comment
SASSAGAIN 2/28/2011 7:18AM

    Congratulations on the loss, my dear. So so SO proud of you!!

And YAY on the VM!

Your goals are great this week. Keep track of them write them out and leave them all over the place to hlep you. bathroom, fridge, office......will help keep you motivated to get through the week, even when things get stressful.

Good luck on car hunting, too!

Report Inappropriate Comment
THROOPER62 2/28/2011 7:04AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITMARY 2/28/2011 6:58AM

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TATTER3 2/28/2011 6:47AM

    I am awed by you!!!! What an inspiration!!! Keep Sparkin'!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

I Broke It Off...

Friday, February 25, 2011

That's right. This morning I told my bed that we were through...well, at least until tonight.

I'm feeling better today - THANK GOODNESS! I even managed to feel actual hunger pains, instead of the other stomach hurts.

Tonight, however, has me a nervous Nelly. Tonight is the opening of our production of The Vagina Monologues, and due to taking Ethan to the ER and being sick, I've missed the last 2 practices. I know my parts for the most part, because that I can do on my own. We'll have the books with us in case we forget lines or such, but I wanted to have the monologues at least mostly memorized so I didn't have to read them. Still, I'm nervous because I'm not quite sure when to stand up, sit down, etc. I guess I'll get a quick run-through before we start tonight.

I'm also stressed because I can't control everything. I can't control the high winds coming through our area. The heavy rains that might keep people at home. The mud that might lock in my in-laws. I can't control getting my husband to the theater or getting my kids off to a babysitter beforehand. Honestly, I don't know that he'll even show up tonight as we've been fighting off and on lately (being sick and being around each other too much can do that to the best relationships, I think). I can't tell you how my hair will do in this awful weather all day. I can't tell you if everyone else will be as animated as I want them to be. I can't control when the audience laughs no matter how well I deliver my lines. I can't even make people fill the seats...and my biggest fear is that it will all be for nothing and no one will show up.

But that's why I signed myself up for these adventures in the first place. What good would it do me if they were all easy? What good would I get out of it if I didn't learn how to let go a little bit and just trust that things either will or won't work out, and I'll still survive no matter which it is. I'm not jumping out of a plane. The worse thing that could happen would be humiliation, and I've been through that before and survived.

Do you know what else I couldn't control? My boxing instructor needing to reschedule our session. Do you know what happened when he called to reschedule? Uhm, we rescheduled. The world didn't fall apart. I didn't die. My life didn't come to a screaching halt just because the plan changed. I wish I could communicate just how important this lesson has been for me this year...and it relates directly to weight loss and fitness.

Crap happens. You can't control every detail. You can do the best you can and be almost perfect and STILL hit a roadblock. But the world doesn't stop just because you need to take a step back and reevaluate before moving on. Life goes on...and so will I, with a new plan, or even blindly until I find my way. The path does not need to be paved for me to take it. I can make a new path for myself by cutting away the brush if I need to. I don't have to be confined to plans made months and years in advance.

Still, I will make plans.
How could I not?
I'm the girl with the vacation binders! I will always make plans.
But 2011 is teaching me that even when all the plans fail, there can still be fun, there can still be laughter, I can still move forward.

Speaking of plans...did I share the one with you that includes me traveling by myself in a car, driving 16 hours to MN to walk in the 7k with MEZZOANGEL and RAVENSONG? Did I share with you all the plans THEY have made that I'm just going to go with? Anyone who knows me would do a double take if I told them all of this.

First of all - I'm driving alone. I don't exactly do things ALONE very often. I will, but only as last resort. And, sometimes, I say no to things I want simply BECAUSE I don't want to do them alone. But, at least for this trip, I'll be Thelma without my Louise. I'll enjoy the countryside. I'll enjoy the freedom of stopping when I want, eating where I want, taking a detour if I want. I get to make those choices, and I won't have to ask for any permission or worry that I'll hear any whining when I make them. If I want to stop and see the roadside attraction of the world's biggest golf ball or something, I can. That's completely up to me.

Second of all - I'm walking a 7k. I'm facing the challenge head on of not being able to run by putting myself in a race with two friends who WILL be running. My headspace is still a little off when it comes to this challenge, but every day I challenge myself to be proud of the me that is walking, not to shame the me that is not running. As my computer desktop says right now - "I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."

Third - I'm not the best at meeting strangers. Now, Becks I already know, of course, and love dearly. And while I love Mezzo as well, we've never tried the Real Life on for size, at least not yet. So far I've done well with my Spark meets. Hollynn and Ron are absolutely wonderful people and I crave their wisdom all the time. Becky is like the strongest force of positive energy I've yet to meet who doesn't put on the positivity in a sickeningly sweet sort of way, but in a matter of fact, things are lookin' up, you are going to do what you set out to do, honest to goodness sort of way. As we've already decided, we're sisters from other mothers. Still, I get nervous. Will we get along? Will the online connection translate into real life? Or will we drive each other crazy? What's more - I often find that vacationing with a friend is a true test of any friendship. Anne Marie and I are so close because in 2008 we spent 5 days in cramped quarters in NYC and not ONCE did we fight, not ONCE did we feel like we were getting on the other's nerves. Somehow we just WORKED. So me, going on vacation, and meeting someone new and hanging out with Becks again while both of us vacation...and, oh, why not, let's add in the whole 3 girls thing...because that has NEVER worked out for me for very long. ( did with Sarah, AM and I, so I guess I can't say that anymore).

Anyhow, I guess my point is, this year has so far been more about challenging my own misconceptions of myself and less about simply "losing weight." So far I've boxed and started heavy lifting...but as of tomorrow evening I will be able to say that I acted on stage, and by the end of next month I can say I met another Sparkie, took a 16 hour road trip alone, and challenged myself to a 7k walk when all I really wanted to do was run. And who knows what else I'll be able to put on my list once their plans come out to me fully. (Oh, yea, add to the list the fact that *I* am letting someone else plan! EEP!)

The plans:
February 25th & 26th - Vagina Monologues
February 27th - Master Zumba class?? and Boxing lesson (4pm)
March 3rd - Last night at the paper
March 16th - The journey to MN begins...

Oh, I wonder what other trouble I could get into along the way.
I wonder what the rest of 2011 holds?

Having plans is a great way to keep yourself motivated.
But learning that plans change and the world doesn't fall apart, is a great reminder that healthy living involves LIVING. Gotta roll with the punches if you want to keep going...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETLIPS 2/28/2011 7:42PM

    I am so glad that I found your blog through Crystal and read this post especially. I need to get out of my comfort zone and you just helped me - thanls

Report Inappropriate Comment
BAYBELIEVER 2/26/2011 7:28PM

    Look at you rolling and walking and working on running! Such adventures! This is going to be your year! (and the next and the next...this is a lifelong journey, right? That means the adventure only continues!)

Report Inappropriate Comment
ATREAT4ME 2/26/2011 11:01AM

    Break a leg, Esther!

I wish I could join you on your March 16 adventure. I think we'd have fun traveling together and I know we'd laugh each step of the 7K.

You are going to have an awesome 2011.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEATHER_TEACHAH 2/26/2011 1:55AM

    you're going to have so much fun at the 7k!!! Don't stress about that. You girls will have a blast :)

so glad you broke it off w/ the bed :) Time to get back to living! Enjoy the VMs!! I bet your performance will be awesome!

Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/25/2011 9:18PM

    First of all, I know you rocked it. Congrats! You looked beautiful.

Second of all, now you are freaking ME out. What if YOU guys don't like me? Or what if you don't have fun? When I picture that weekend, I see laughter and friendship abounding. I hope you experience the same when you get here.

Third of all, I'm super curious what you are going to wear to dinner. :)

Love you Esther.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARAWALKS 2/25/2011 6:00PM

    Love it love it love it, I am so excited for you, it is so scary and WONDERFUL to lose control!
But you still control YOU and that is the important thing.
You will be emoticon, in fact, you already are! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DETERMINED_SOUL 2/25/2011 12:46PM

    Have fun with your play. I'm gad you are feeling better, you sound as though you were having what ever bug I was.

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUSSELLORAMA 2/25/2011 11:29AM

    Taking risks and trying new things can be frightening, but the sense of sheer exhilaration when you pull it off is amazing. Break a leg tonight!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KENDALL7261 2/25/2011 9:30AM

  Breathe, just breathe.
The rest will fall into place!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Me and My Bed

Thursday, February 24, 2011

So it turns out that I'm currently having a co-dependent love affair with my bed. In other words, yep...I got sick. Try as I did to avoid it, it happened. So here I am, still staring at these walls, dreaming of running and going to the gym, and cursing myself every morning when I have to call off work.

It started Tuesday night. I actually got to the gym around 5:30pm...and then Cissy (my PT-ish person) pulled me in to do weight and measurements. Woot...i lost a lousy 4 pounds in a month. *rolls eyes* I didn't even hear if my waist measurement had gone down or not. I had to ASK if my body fat % had dropped - it had. So I talked to her for a bit, changed, talked to Hubs for a minute as he was on an elliptical machine, and then started the Line Dancing class.

I'd been away for a while and it was taking me some time to catch on. Plus, I was a little congested so I was a little slow. At one point, my instructor actually turned to me and said, "You might want to sit this one out." Which, of course, pissed me off to no end. Don't tell me what I can't do. For some reason or another, I got really upset at his insinuation that I was UNABLE. I walked out and refused to finish the class. I went downstairs with Hubs to ST, but only got one exercise in before my Zumba instructor started mentioning how she'd see me upstairs. *sigh* Sometimes, yes, I do feel obligated to do these classes, especially if I'm already AT the gym. Of course, that's partly a good thing, because it pulls me into working out. But I also know it's that leftover part of me that's eager to please so people will like me. :/

Well, even so, I only made it through about 10 minutes of class before I started getting a burning in my chest. I couldn't get a deep breath. It felt like I had something heavy on my chest, pressing down. My mind was trying to figure out what was wrong. I tried taking a break, but I couldn't get it to go back to normal. It HURT! (I also remembered that my blood pressure had been high when Cissy checked it - 150/100 for no apparent reason. WTF?) I got my stuff and fled the gym. I went straight home and straight to bed and turned out the light. I shivered and froze under four covers. I started getting a fever and THUS...I was sick.

I tried to THINK my way out of it. I told myself I could be sick for ONE NIGHT and then I had to get back to life. I had too much to do and I didn't have time to be sick. The next morning, I could NOT get out of bed. I was so completely exhausted I just couldn't move. I told myself I could have the day, and that was it. I felt better around 1pm or so. But by the time dinner rolled around, that 4 or so hours of blissful feeling "alright" had faded into stomach discomfort. I didn't care, I was GOING to work today. AND going to play practice. Opening night is TOMORROW!

GAH! Then this morning I was so dizzy that every time I tried to get to the shower I hit a wall...literally. I realized it was either, call off now, or call off the rest of my life for being DEAD when I crash - especially in the downpour I could hear outside. *sigh* I hated to do it, but I called off.

No clue if I'm going to practice tonight. It's an hour away. Should I drive an hour for an hour long play practice and then drive an hour back? It seems stupid to me. *sigh* I don't know what I'm doing yet. It might be different if Hubs would drive, but I haven't talked to him about that yet. I mean, I did want to try to find some shoes for tomorrow, so I could make the trip worth it, but I don't want to drive down there by myself like this.

The only upside to all of this? Weight has been coming off easy in the past 2 days! *lol* Of course, I know it will go back up once I start eating somewhat normally again. Right now, I'm scared to eat anything. *shrug*

So, in case you were wondering...I'm not here...because I'm totally in love with my bed right now. It's the ONLY thing that keeps me sane...even though my back hurts, my muscles feel like jello already, I have a headache for sleeping for about 30 hours in the past 48, and I want to scratch my eyeballs out for having to look at the same four walls. At least the kitties keep me company sometimes....


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DARACOX 2/26/2011 8:25AM

    Hope you are feeling better! But please don't be mad at your instructor for saying you should maybe sit this one out. I am an instructor myself and if someone looks like they are having a particularly hard time I always ask them to take it easy or take a rest. You don't actually know just how bad you look sometimes and you were getting sick. We are only looking out for your best interest when we ask you to rest!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ATREAT4ME 2/24/2011 10:07PM

    Remember the BRAT diet -- bananas, rice, applesauce, toast. It's a gentle diet that provides the important nutrients when you're dehydraded, lacking potassium, etc. It's not about weight loss. Fevers take calories, make sure you're giving that amazing immune system of yours the fuel it needs. Good luck, Esther. I am sure that you'll make the best decision for you and your family. And I'm sure you are one tough fighter, even if you're having a love affair with your bed. LOL.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/24/2011 5:31PM

    Praying you feel better soon. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUGIRL06 2/24/2011 2:59PM

    Oh no!!! I hope you feel better soon and are able to make it to your play!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEATHER_TEACHAH 2/24/2011 2:43PM

    awww feel better!! sorry you're so sick. Take care of yourself-- eat so your body can heal! Drink fluids! And that love affair with your bed... that's good for you too! Rest up and heal quickly. I'll bet the gym is getting jealous of your bed :)

Report Inappropriate Comment

Weigh-In: ER Edition

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Well, I guess I can't say that my weekend was uneventful...

I got a call right around noon from the kids' school. Ethan was already home sick (since Wednesday) and now Logan had a fever. I went and picked him up. And then Hubs started feeling ill. *sigh* Here I was, one week before I'm supposed to be in the Vagina Monologues, surrounded in a tiny house by sick people coughing everywhere. I did my best to spend my time away. Spent a good deal of time at the gym, washed my hands over and over again. Desperately trying to NOT get sick. Of course, my gym time was cut short when I pulled my hip again. *sigh* And then I was forced to sleep on the couch -- not the most comfortable place to sleep, especially with a sore hip.

Once again, I was the only well person in the house. I went to the gym and closed it out, staying for a good, solid hour and a half or so. Then I headed home and walked the dog, trying to kill even more time. It was a long workout with ST and the like, and a challenge to see just how many crunches I could do. I do mine on the ab recline bench because it has the added benefit of working my hips and it doesn't make my lower back sore. Total before failure? 331. Payback later? SORE hips on both sides! D'oh!

After a little rest, I showered and changed and headed up to my MIL's house. She was having her birthday keg party and I was the only one well enough to go. I hit the store, bought her a few gifts, and then arrived at her house around 6:30pm. I didn't end up getting home until 2am, somehow avoiding the house for a great deal of time. I did have 2 glasses of beer, and a few snacks, but I spent a good part of the night dancing. Payback later - sore legs in addition to my sore hips, abs and arms (from ST). Again, I was stuck sleeping on the couch. OW!

Okay, so here's where the title comes in.

Weigh-In Day

Weight Last Week: 329.4
Weight Goal for This Week: 327.4
Actual Weight This Week: 328.0
Weight Loss/Gain This Week: -1.4 pounds

Needless to say, it pissed me off. I had been good all week. I had managed to keep my head above water even when I was thrown a dozen curve balls. And I stuck to the plan about 99% of the time. I wanted my two pounds. I needed them. I fell short. I considered myself a failure. It was a bad morning. It was a worse day.

Nearing noon, I began to worry about Ethan. He got sick first, on Wednesday. He was running a fever for days, but it had been gradually decreasing. He seemed on the mend. He actually felt well enough Saturday morning to eat 2 bowls of Ramen noodles. And now he looked just as bad as he did when he started on Wednesday. I took his temperature and realized his fever had spiked again to 103, and somehow I knew that enough was enough. I got him and myself dressed and drove him to the ER. I kept telling myself I was overreacting and he was just fine, but something in my gut said - "Better safe than sorry!" I also know there's a round of flu going around here that no flu shot can match, and I had a sneaky suspicion that there had been a case of H1N1 flu too (later confirmed). So I laughed at myself and asked the triage nurse if I was overreacting and she said they would do some tests and it was probably just the flu...they'd seen a lot of flu cases recently.

First he was swabbed for strep and the flu. I figured that would be the end of it.
Next they came in with a wheelchair and my heart stopped. They were taking him for chest x-rays.
I calmed myself down with the "they're just trying to cover all their bases" motto.
Then they took blood. (and he just about had a panic attack because he looked at the tube of blood coming out of his arm and got scared)
I told myself they just wanted to be sure it was viral, not bacterial.
And then they came in to give him a breathing treatment.

HOLD THE EFFIN' PHONE. What?! Breathing treatment?
Yep. I got nervous. They don't do breathing treatments for the flu. At least, I'd never heard of such a thing. They only people who get breathing treatments are little kids with asthma, people who have troubles breathing, trouble with their airways. HOLY CRAP!
As he slept, I cried. We waited so long for news.
Turns out his flu turned into to bacterial bronchitis. They gave him some antibiotics and said he could go back to school on Tuesday. By the time we left he was asking for 2 chicken sandwiches from McDonald's and I was happy to give him anything he would eat considering he had eaten so little in the past 5 days.

After the ordeal there, I was a stress eating monster.
McChicken sandwich. Would've been fine if I stopped there.
Also bought a bag of Whopper Robin Eggs at the store because I needed something to crunch and was stressed as hell because Rite-Aid was out of his antibiotics.
Then I ate fries that I didn't even LIKE.
Oh, and then later, once I went back out to get his prescription and groceries, I grabbed pizza and took it home.

It was a hard night. I was upset over the mediocre weigh-in. I was upset over seeing my little boy so fragile. I was just plain ole upset and stressed out.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, I sent a message to the girl in charge of the play to let her know I wouldn't be at rehearsal because I was in the hospital with my son. Instead of asking if he was alright or saying something nice and sympathetic, she started hounding me about when I could meet next and how *I* should contact this place again to see if we could meet there. I wanted to strangle her. I eventually had to tell her, "I can't deal with this right now because MY CHILD IS IN THE HOSPITAL!" *sigh* Some people!

I did finally get to sleep in bed, as Hubs said I needed it now more than him so I could heal properly and get back to 100% for my play. He washed all the sheets and blankets and insisted that I sleep in bed that night.

Of course, Hubs made me feel guilty about taking the bed the next day, because he realized just how uncomfortable the couch was. *sigh* I was so super sore. I was upset. I ate like it.

A big salad with lite ranch
Life Cereal
Leftover pizza
Grilled cheese
Conversation hearts


It was a really hard weekend and I have to say that I'm kinda glad it's over.

Today I put in my resignation with the paper.
Today I sent my e-bill in for February.
Today I will entrance my first case.
Today I will finally memorize completely my monologues.
Today I GUESS I will HAVE TO call the stupid school to ask for a place to practice (why the girl running this damn thing isn't doing it, I don't know...she's pissing me off so much...I'll be happy when the whole thing is over).

This weekend:
Vagina Monologues - Friday and Saturday nights
Boxing Lesson #2 - Saturday afternoon
Master Zumba Lesson (?) - Sunday

This week goals:
Keep focused.
No more stress eating.
Back on task.
Lots of water.
1600-1800 calories.
Lots of cardio.
Finish all ST, or at least try each one.
No eating out.

Weight Goal: 326.0

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEAM-SARAH 2/23/2011 3:13PM

    Whoa you've just put stress into perspective for me! I'd say you're doing fantastic in spite of everything that's going on... but you're doing just plain fantastic in any terms! You're losing weight and working out and a vast majority of the time making healthy choices! That's great, keep it up!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BAYBELIEVER 2/22/2011 7:43PM

    Yes, a very stressful weekend full of people adding to your frustrations! I think the girl running the play should be happy she is still even alive! I am glad you took your son and got him some medicine that will probably quickly make him better! (Kids are like that, aren't they?) I think you did an amazing job just keeping yourself together and getting all that ST and cardio in. You can't beat yourself up over a little "convenience" eating. Your son's health is important and we do what we have to, right? Just keep hanging in there like you do, because you are doing this! Hmmmm. And maybe be sure to send some germs to that woman standing in your way. A little package of bacteria is just what she needs!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAGSA10 2/22/2011 7:23PM

    emoticonWow!!!! I would say having a stressful weekend was putting it mildly. Girl you deserve a break for your whole family. I am sure that the kids will get better with the meds and that hubby will really appreciate you even more when this is all said and done. Wishing you and yours healthy days ahead and much success on your weight loss goal for the week. Keep your head up and hang strong. emoticon

Maggie j. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SASSAGAIN 2/22/2011 5:43PM

    Poor Ethan! SO glad that you go the right Rx for him though.

Poor you and your hip and couch and Vagina Monologues.

This week sounds like a good plan!


Report Inappropriate Comment
KATIE2POINT0 2/22/2011 4:44PM

    Yikes, thats a tough weekend. I hope everyone is feeling better and you don't catch what they had in the process. You'll get back on track and in the big picture the stress eating won't matter. Don't let it stress you out more. Good luck with the show! I am excited to hear how it goes.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DETERMINED_SOUL 2/22/2011 4:38PM

    Wow! I hope everyone gets to feeling better and hope the rest get over the flu without the extra hospital visit.

Report Inappropriate Comment
YOOVIE 2/22/2011 3:16PM

    omg your poor family!! jeebz crispies, i hope you guys can catch a break soon :( hang in there mama!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHARONA_P 2/22/2011 2:12PM

    How scary for you and your son! Glad he should be feeling better now that he has meds.

You know, sometimes life gets into the way of our goals and all of our good intentions. It happens and while we like to think we are all super women, we're not. :) Don't beat yourself about last week. You did eat some very healthy food, you exercised and tried your best to ward off germs (which is half the battle sometimes). You had some slip ups but you also needed an outlet, a release. That's alot to handle. Give yourself credit for trying! you have the motivation to reach your goals. Give yourself a little more time to do it, because you will get there!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHICAT63 2/22/2011 12:50PM

    Esther I am just exhausted reading your blog *sigh* wow, sorry you had to deal with this person plus with Ethan being sick. Most important is Ethan is better and doing ok. We always have times likes theses when our kids are sick, here is to a better week !

Report Inappropriate Comment
RIGBY31 2/22/2011 12:24PM

    It's great when the kids start feeling better... but wreckage in their wake is often devestating! You've put a lot of thought (about yourself) from the last few days; your plan for the week is terrific, doable and strong. Kick it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUGIRL06 2/22/2011 11:53AM

    Oh boy what a stressful weekend. I'm glad your boy is ok! I hope everyone feels better soon! Good luck with your show :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
ERIN1128 2/22/2011 11:51AM

    Yikes, what a week and weekend! But I'm so glad you followed your "mom" instincts and took him in. Hope everyone gets better quickly!

Report Inappropriate Comment
COCOMAC7 2/22/2011 11:20AM

    OMG poor Ethan and poor you! It's sooooooo scary when our little ones are sick. Worse then when we are somehow. Glad he is doing better and they figured out what was going on right away.

Yes, you stress ate, but who wouldn't with that much going on? You were looking for comfort and the three people who could do that for you where sick! It's a new week and you can put the weekend behind you.

PS congrats on the the weigh-in. I know it's not what you wanted, BUT progress is progress! Keep on keepin' on!

Report Inappropriate Comment
XTMONT 2/22/2011 11:07AM

    What a rough week! So glad you're keeping your head up! You deserve a good rest!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIGERJANE 2/22/2011 10:52AM

    oh wow, what a rough time. I'm glad thy were able to figure out what was up with your little guy and get him on the mend! Fingers crossed you didn't catch anything!!!! Hoping for a better week for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALISHAB3 2/22/2011 10:33AM

    You are not a failure. Nope, no how, no way, not even a little bit. You had a loss during a stressful time, that was an accomplishment and I am officially impressed. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEIDIC75 2/22/2011 10:26AM

    Glad your little guys is on the mend!!!! that is so scarey!!!! Don't beat your self up over the stress eating remember today is a new day!! Hang in there sweetie.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MICHELLESMILES_ 2/22/2011 10:00AM

    Glad Ethan is okay, there is so much of that stuff going around the county its unreal. I hope you feel better soon and know that you inspire me =)

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAGPIE17 2/22/2011 9:48AM

    Glad the little guy's okay; sorry your weekend was so stressful. Here's hoping for a better week, Esther!

Report Inappropriate Comment
THOMS1 2/22/2011 9:46AM

    You had one heck of a week. I hope the kids start feeling better and this week goes smoother for you. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ATREAT4ME 2/22/2011 9:37AM

    Dang, Girl! You are one tough woman. We had the flu go through our house in January -- Fever up to 104, breathing treatments, tamiflu, 3 weeks staying at home. MIne are 4-year-olds and it hit them really, really hard. I hope you get lots of good rest and have the week you deserve this week!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Another Friday, Another Hip Problem

Friday, February 18, 2011

Okay, I am seriously considering seeing a doctor about this hip situation. I need to know if I should just stop trying to run altogether or if there is something I can do to correct my problems. I ran again today. First interval felt great. I ran at 5.0 for 1/10th of a mile and it felt awesome. I waited a LONG time, walking at a regular pace, before I tried to run again. The first .08 miles of the second interval were fine, but those last .02 put me into a tailspin of regret, concern and just plain anger. Seriously, I'm angry. I'm a runner at heart who is physically unable to run, and it's killing me mentally. Not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I'm honestly considering calling the doc for a consultation on the matter.

Second of all, I signed up yesterday for the Get Lucky 7k in Minnesota, which I will walk while RAVENSONG and MEZZOANGEL run their hearts out ahead of me. Yes, I'm sure you can hear the disappointment in my voice, but I'm trying to get over it. I never thought I'd still be in the same place after a year. I've come so far physically, lost a lot of weight and inches, am stronger than I've ever been, can walk much faster than I could when I started, but running just isn't in the cards for me. It's what's been holding me back from signing up for any races thus far, but for some reason I woke up yesterday and told myself I had to do another race, even if I walked every step, I had to do it.

The problem right now is figuring out how to get there without killing my bank account. I have a lot of research to do on rental cars and airfare, but I have a feeling I'm going to be mad at myself for a long time for spending money when I *should* be saving it for the wedding in July. I'll figure it out, but right now I'm stressing major over it.

Third, I spent most of the morning FINALLY putting up my non-Spark blog.

I don't know why, but I think I need to share my story with non-Sparkers too. It's not a complete page yet, and only has one post, but I hope it will help me focus my ramblings here into more concrete posts on this wacky, crazy year I'm giving myself. This is my own version of Eat, Pray, Love - just without the Italians and Indians and such. I want to see if I can accomplish something similar right here at home (or, at least, in the continental U.S.).

Finally, it's likely needless to say, but my workout today was disappointing. In addition to the hip issues, I also had to opt out of one of my ST workouts because I just couldn't do it, couldn't even attempt it -- pull ups. HA! No. Not happening. I'm smarter than that. I have enough problems right now without knocking myself out by literally crashing on the floor when I fail and pulling every muscle in my upper body while I'm at it.

This week has been crazy. TONS of work for me to do, mixed in with nearly day-long training. Plus, I've had to step in and help out since one of our longtime employees up and retired without giving us any notice and then left days later, likely never to return. *sigh* Now I'm home for four days, both of my sons have the flu (Ethan's on the last day, I think, while Logan just started), and even though the weather is nice I'm feeling stressed and down and just want to sleep with an icepack on my hip (or a bag of frozen corn, which is what's on it right now).

Feeling very blah. Still sticking to workouts and nutrition goals anyhow, but I'm not having an UP day...let's just put it that way. Maybe tomorrow will be better. *shrug*

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATREAT4ME 2/22/2011 7:12AM

    I'm glad to know you're thinking of going to the doctor. It is important to get a Dr.s advice as it has been going on for a while and there may be something that can fix it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DETERMINED_SOUL 2/21/2011 10:39AM

    I would definitely stop in to see what the doc has to say. Your health is important on your journey.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CALLIKIA 2/19/2011 9:02AM

    FYI - I got fitted with running shoes just last month. It was a factor I had to eliminate...I did...they don't help. *shrug*

Cher - Thanks girl. Yeah, I'll have to just stop running AGAIN. Seriously pisses me off, though. Seriously.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ABETTERCHERYL 2/19/2011 8:32AM

    I know what its like to not be able to do something you LOVE doing due to injury. I know that it's frustrating. Extremely frustrating. I totally get it Esther. However, I'm so happy to see that you are at least doing another race even if you have to walk the whole thing. I would recommend seeing a doctor for the hip thing but if that isn't possible right now due to finances, I'd recommend altering your workouts to something that doesn't irritate the problem. If walking is good, that's great! Lots of ST. Swimming if you have access to a pool. Boxing maybe? Cardio dvds. Yoga. OMG there are still LOTS of possibilities. Running is just one of LOTS.

Esther keep your head held high. You can do this.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITMARY 2/19/2011 7:15AM

    Form and shoes might be playing a role, but if you have a good doctor, why not at least ask? Good luck!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/19/2011 12:54AM

    Love your new picture. Praying your hip feels better soon. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CALLIKIA 2/18/2011 7:30PM

    Run or jog, it doesn't matter...I just can't get past walk.

Report Inappropriate Comment
XTMONT 2/18/2011 6:32PM

    Rest up and if it continues to bug you, go see a doctor!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BECKYB73 2/18/2011 5:32PM

    maybe you're skipping a

Report Inappropriate Comment
_AIYANNA_ 2/18/2011 5:16PM

    I think you should go ahead and contact your doctor as you said. Hopefully he will steer you in the right direction. Till then try not to let it get you down - easier said than done I know. I know that you are a runner at heart and very soon you will be a runner in body and soul.

Chin up :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
SASSAGAIN 2/18/2011 5:11PM

    ((HUGS)) hon. rest that hip for tonight. If you can, go see a dr. And what about getting a video of you running and see if you can send it to a coach via the web, who might look at it for free??

Report Inappropriate Comment
CALLIKIA 2/18/2011 5:06PM

    That's another thought I've had and yet I have no running coaches around here (and no money to pay one) to ask. *sigh*

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARAWALKS 2/18/2011 5:01PM

    This hip thing that's bugging you...could it be a matter of form? I'm thinking of JOHNTJ1's recent experience with foot pain while running - which was alleviated so quickly by a running coach. Pasting in here the link to his video blog about it...

BR>Hoping so hard for you that you can work out the hip issue and continue to run...

Comment edited on: 2/18/2011 5:01:52 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 Last Page