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Me and My Bed

Thursday, February 24, 2011

So it turns out that I'm currently having a co-dependent love affair with my bed. In other words, yep...I got sick. Try as I did to avoid it, it happened. So here I am, still staring at these walls, dreaming of running and going to the gym, and cursing myself every morning when I have to call off work.

It started Tuesday night. I actually got to the gym around 5:30pm...and then Cissy (my PT-ish person) pulled me in to do weight and measurements. Woot...i lost a lousy 4 pounds in a month. *rolls eyes* I didn't even hear if my waist measurement had gone down or not. I had to ASK if my body fat % had dropped - it had. So I talked to her for a bit, changed, talked to Hubs for a minute as he was on an elliptical machine, and then started the Line Dancing class.

I'd been away for a while and it was taking me some time to catch on. Plus, I was a little congested so I was a little slow. At one point, my instructor actually turned to me and said, "You might want to sit this one out." Which, of course, pissed me off to no end. Don't tell me what I can't do. For some reason or another, I got really upset at his insinuation that I was UNABLE. I walked out and refused to finish the class. I went downstairs with Hubs to ST, but only got one exercise in before my Zumba instructor started mentioning how she'd see me upstairs. *sigh* Sometimes, yes, I do feel obligated to do these classes, especially if I'm already AT the gym. Of course, that's partly a good thing, because it pulls me into working out. But I also know it's that leftover part of me that's eager to please so people will like me. :/

Well, even so, I only made it through about 10 minutes of class before I started getting a burning in my chest. I couldn't get a deep breath. It felt like I had something heavy on my chest, pressing down. My mind was trying to figure out what was wrong. I tried taking a break, but I couldn't get it to go back to normal. It HURT! (I also remembered that my blood pressure had been high when Cissy checked it - 150/100 for no apparent reason. WTF?) I got my stuff and fled the gym. I went straight home and straight to bed and turned out the light. I shivered and froze under four covers. I started getting a fever and THUS...I was sick.

I tried to THINK my way out of it. I told myself I could be sick for ONE NIGHT and then I had to get back to life. I had too much to do and I didn't have time to be sick. The next morning, I could NOT get out of bed. I was so completely exhausted I just couldn't move. I told myself I could have the day, and that was it. I felt better around 1pm or so. But by the time dinner rolled around, that 4 or so hours of blissful feeling "alright" had faded into stomach discomfort. I didn't care, I was GOING to work today. AND going to play practice. Opening night is TOMORROW!

GAH! Then this morning I was so dizzy that every time I tried to get to the shower I hit a wall...literally. I realized it was either, call off now, or call off the rest of my life for being DEAD when I crash - especially in the downpour I could hear outside. *sigh* I hated to do it, but I called off.

No clue if I'm going to practice tonight. It's an hour away. Should I drive an hour for an hour long play practice and then drive an hour back? It seems stupid to me. *sigh* I don't know what I'm doing yet. It might be different if Hubs would drive, but I haven't talked to him about that yet. I mean, I did want to try to find some shoes for tomorrow, so I could make the trip worth it, but I don't want to drive down there by myself like this.

The only upside to all of this? Weight has been coming off easy in the past 2 days! *lol* Of course, I know it will go back up once I start eating somewhat normally again. Right now, I'm scared to eat anything. *shrug*

So, in case you were wondering...I'm not here...because I'm totally in love with my bed right now. It's the ONLY thing that keeps me sane...even though my back hurts, my muscles feel like jello already, I have a headache for sleeping for about 30 hours in the past 48, and I want to scratch my eyeballs out for having to look at the same four walls. At least the kitties keep me company sometimes....


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DARACOX 2/26/2011 8:25AM

    Hope you are feeling better! But please don't be mad at your instructor for saying you should maybe sit this one out. I am an instructor myself and if someone looks like they are having a particularly hard time I always ask them to take it easy or take a rest. You don't actually know just how bad you look sometimes and you were getting sick. We are only looking out for your best interest when we ask you to rest!

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ATREAT4ME 2/24/2011 10:07PM

    Remember the BRAT diet -- bananas, rice, applesauce, toast. It's a gentle diet that provides the important nutrients when you're dehydraded, lacking potassium, etc. It's not about weight loss. Fevers take calories, make sure you're giving that amazing immune system of yours the fuel it needs. Good luck, Esther. I am sure that you'll make the best decision for you and your family. And I'm sure you are one tough fighter, even if you're having a love affair with your bed. LOL.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/24/2011 5:31PM

    Praying you feel better soon. emoticon

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SUGIRL06 2/24/2011 2:59PM

    Oh no!!! I hope you feel better soon and are able to make it to your play!

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HEATHER_TEACHAH 2/24/2011 2:43PM

    awww feel better!! sorry you're so sick. Take care of yourself-- eat so your body can heal! Drink fluids! And that love affair with your bed... that's good for you too! Rest up and heal quickly. I'll bet the gym is getting jealous of your bed :)

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Weigh-In: ER Edition

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Well, I guess I can't say that my weekend was uneventful...

I got a call right around noon from the kids' school. Ethan was already home sick (since Wednesday) and now Logan had a fever. I went and picked him up. And then Hubs started feeling ill. *sigh* Here I was, one week before I'm supposed to be in the Vagina Monologues, surrounded in a tiny house by sick people coughing everywhere. I did my best to spend my time away. Spent a good deal of time at the gym, washed my hands over and over again. Desperately trying to NOT get sick. Of course, my gym time was cut short when I pulled my hip again. *sigh* And then I was forced to sleep on the couch -- not the most comfortable place to sleep, especially with a sore hip.

Once again, I was the only well person in the house. I went to the gym and closed it out, staying for a good, solid hour and a half or so. Then I headed home and walked the dog, trying to kill even more time. It was a long workout with ST and the like, and a challenge to see just how many crunches I could do. I do mine on the ab recline bench because it has the added benefit of working my hips and it doesn't make my lower back sore. Total before failure? 331. Payback later? SORE hips on both sides! D'oh!

After a little rest, I showered and changed and headed up to my MIL's house. She was having her birthday keg party and I was the only one well enough to go. I hit the store, bought her a few gifts, and then arrived at her house around 6:30pm. I didn't end up getting home until 2am, somehow avoiding the house for a great deal of time. I did have 2 glasses of beer, and a few snacks, but I spent a good part of the night dancing. Payback later - sore legs in addition to my sore hips, abs and arms (from ST). Again, I was stuck sleeping on the couch. OW!

Okay, so here's where the title comes in.

Weigh-In Day

Weight Last Week: 329.4
Weight Goal for This Week: 327.4
Actual Weight This Week: 328.0
Weight Loss/Gain This Week: -1.4 pounds

Needless to say, it pissed me off. I had been good all week. I had managed to keep my head above water even when I was thrown a dozen curve balls. And I stuck to the plan about 99% of the time. I wanted my two pounds. I needed them. I fell short. I considered myself a failure. It was a bad morning. It was a worse day.

Nearing noon, I began to worry about Ethan. He got sick first, on Wednesday. He was running a fever for days, but it had been gradually decreasing. He seemed on the mend. He actually felt well enough Saturday morning to eat 2 bowls of Ramen noodles. And now he looked just as bad as he did when he started on Wednesday. I took his temperature and realized his fever had spiked again to 103, and somehow I knew that enough was enough. I got him and myself dressed and drove him to the ER. I kept telling myself I was overreacting and he was just fine, but something in my gut said - "Better safe than sorry!" I also know there's a round of flu going around here that no flu shot can match, and I had a sneaky suspicion that there had been a case of H1N1 flu too (later confirmed). So I laughed at myself and asked the triage nurse if I was overreacting and she said they would do some tests and it was probably just the flu...they'd seen a lot of flu cases recently.

First he was swabbed for strep and the flu. I figured that would be the end of it.
Next they came in with a wheelchair and my heart stopped. They were taking him for chest x-rays.
I calmed myself down with the "they're just trying to cover all their bases" motto.
Then they took blood. (and he just about had a panic attack because he looked at the tube of blood coming out of his arm and got scared)
I told myself they just wanted to be sure it was viral, not bacterial.
And then they came in to give him a breathing treatment.

HOLD THE EFFIN' PHONE. What?! Breathing treatment?
Yep. I got nervous. They don't do breathing treatments for the flu. At least, I'd never heard of such a thing. They only people who get breathing treatments are little kids with asthma, people who have troubles breathing, trouble with their airways. HOLY CRAP!
As he slept, I cried. We waited so long for news.
Turns out his flu turned into to bacterial bronchitis. They gave him some antibiotics and said he could go back to school on Tuesday. By the time we left he was asking for 2 chicken sandwiches from McDonald's and I was happy to give him anything he would eat considering he had eaten so little in the past 5 days.

After the ordeal there, I was a stress eating monster.
McChicken sandwich. Would've been fine if I stopped there.
Also bought a bag of Whopper Robin Eggs at the store because I needed something to crunch and was stressed as hell because Rite-Aid was out of his antibiotics.
Then I ate fries that I didn't even LIKE.
Oh, and then later, once I went back out to get his prescription and groceries, I grabbed pizza and took it home.

It was a hard night. I was upset over the mediocre weigh-in. I was upset over seeing my little boy so fragile. I was just plain ole upset and stressed out.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, I sent a message to the girl in charge of the play to let her know I wouldn't be at rehearsal because I was in the hospital with my son. Instead of asking if he was alright or saying something nice and sympathetic, she started hounding me about when I could meet next and how *I* should contact this place again to see if we could meet there. I wanted to strangle her. I eventually had to tell her, "I can't deal with this right now because MY CHILD IS IN THE HOSPITAL!" *sigh* Some people!

I did finally get to sleep in bed, as Hubs said I needed it now more than him so I could heal properly and get back to 100% for my play. He washed all the sheets and blankets and insisted that I sleep in bed that night.

Of course, Hubs made me feel guilty about taking the bed the next day, because he realized just how uncomfortable the couch was. *sigh* I was so super sore. I was upset. I ate like it.

A big salad with lite ranch
Life Cereal
Leftover pizza
Grilled cheese
Conversation hearts


It was a really hard weekend and I have to say that I'm kinda glad it's over.

Today I put in my resignation with the paper.
Today I sent my e-bill in for February.
Today I will entrance my first case.
Today I will finally memorize completely my monologues.
Today I GUESS I will HAVE TO call the stupid school to ask for a place to practice (why the girl running this damn thing isn't doing it, I don't know...she's pissing me off so much...I'll be happy when the whole thing is over).

This weekend:
Vagina Monologues - Friday and Saturday nights
Boxing Lesson #2 - Saturday afternoon
Master Zumba Lesson (?) - Sunday

This week goals:
Keep focused.
No more stress eating.
Back on task.
Lots of water.
1600-1800 calories.
Lots of cardio.
Finish all ST, or at least try each one.
No eating out.

Weight Goal: 326.0

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEAM-SARAH 2/23/2011 3:13PM

    Whoa you've just put stress into perspective for me! I'd say you're doing fantastic in spite of everything that's going on... but you're doing just plain fantastic in any terms! You're losing weight and working out and a vast majority of the time making healthy choices! That's great, keep it up!!

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BAYBELIEVER 2/22/2011 7:43PM

    Yes, a very stressful weekend full of people adding to your frustrations! I think the girl running the play should be happy she is still even alive! I am glad you took your son and got him some medicine that will probably quickly make him better! (Kids are like that, aren't they?) I think you did an amazing job just keeping yourself together and getting all that ST and cardio in. You can't beat yourself up over a little "convenience" eating. Your son's health is important and we do what we have to, right? Just keep hanging in there like you do, because you are doing this! Hmmmm. And maybe be sure to send some germs to that woman standing in your way. A little package of bacteria is just what she needs!

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MAGSA10 2/22/2011 7:23PM

    emoticonWow!!!! I would say having a stressful weekend was putting it mildly. Girl you deserve a break for your whole family. I am sure that the kids will get better with the meds and that hubby will really appreciate you even more when this is all said and done. Wishing you and yours healthy days ahead and much success on your weight loss goal for the week. Keep your head up and hang strong. emoticon

Maggie j. emoticon

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SASXONTHEMOVE 2/22/2011 5:43PM

    Poor Ethan! SO glad that you go the right Rx for him though.

Poor you and your hip and couch and Vagina Monologues.

This week sounds like a good plan!


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KATIE2POINT0 2/22/2011 4:44PM

    Yikes, thats a tough weekend. I hope everyone is feeling better and you don't catch what they had in the process. You'll get back on track and in the big picture the stress eating won't matter. Don't let it stress you out more. Good luck with the show! I am excited to hear how it goes.

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DETERMINED_SOUL 2/22/2011 4:38PM

    Wow! I hope everyone gets to feeling better and hope the rest get over the flu without the extra hospital visit.

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YOOVIE 2/22/2011 3:16PM

    omg your poor family!! jeebz crispies, i hope you guys can catch a break soon :( hang in there mama!!!

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SHARONA_P 2/22/2011 2:12PM

    How scary for you and your son! Glad he should be feeling better now that he has meds.

You know, sometimes life gets into the way of our goals and all of our good intentions. It happens and while we like to think we are all super women, we're not. :) Don't beat yourself about last week. You did eat some very healthy food, you exercised and tried your best to ward off germs (which is half the battle sometimes). You had some slip ups but you also needed an outlet, a release. That's alot to handle. Give yourself credit for trying! you have the motivation to reach your goals. Give yourself a little more time to do it, because you will get there!

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CHICAT63 2/22/2011 12:50PM

    Esther I am just exhausted reading your blog *sigh* wow, sorry you had to deal with this person plus with Ethan being sick. Most important is Ethan is better and doing ok. We always have times likes theses when our kids are sick, here is to a better week !

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RIGBY31 2/22/2011 12:24PM

    It's great when the kids start feeling better... but wreckage in their wake is often devestating! You've put a lot of thought (about yourself) from the last few days; your plan for the week is terrific, doable and strong. Kick it!

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SUGIRL06 2/22/2011 11:53AM

    Oh boy what a stressful weekend. I'm glad your boy is ok! I hope everyone feels better soon! Good luck with your show :)

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ERIN1128 2/22/2011 11:51AM

    Yikes, what a week and weekend! But I'm so glad you followed your "mom" instincts and took him in. Hope everyone gets better quickly!

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COCOMAC7 2/22/2011 11:20AM

    OMG poor Ethan and poor you! It's sooooooo scary when our little ones are sick. Worse then when we are somehow. Glad he is doing better and they figured out what was going on right away.

Yes, you stress ate, but who wouldn't with that much going on? You were looking for comfort and the three people who could do that for you where sick! It's a new week and you can put the weekend behind you.

PS congrats on the the weigh-in. I know it's not what you wanted, BUT progress is progress! Keep on keepin' on!

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XTMONT 2/22/2011 11:07AM

    What a rough week! So glad you're keeping your head up! You deserve a good rest!

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TIGERJANE 2/22/2011 10:52AM

    oh wow, what a rough time. I'm glad thy were able to figure out what was up with your little guy and get him on the mend! Fingers crossed you didn't catch anything!!!! Hoping for a better week for you!

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ALISHAB3 2/22/2011 10:33AM

    You are not a failure. Nope, no how, no way, not even a little bit. You had a loss during a stressful time, that was an accomplishment and I am officially impressed. emoticon

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HEIDIC75 2/22/2011 10:26AM

    Glad your little guys is on the mend!!!! that is so scarey!!!! Don't beat your self up over the stress eating remember today is a new day!! Hang in there sweetie.

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MICHELLESMILES_ 2/22/2011 10:00AM

    Glad Ethan is okay, there is so much of that stuff going around the county its unreal. I hope you feel better soon and know that you inspire me =)

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MAGPIE17 2/22/2011 9:48AM

    Glad the little guy's okay; sorry your weekend was so stressful. Here's hoping for a better week, Esther!

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THOMS1 2/22/2011 9:46AM

    You had one heck of a week. I hope the kids start feeling better and this week goes smoother for you. emoticon

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ATREAT4ME 2/22/2011 9:37AM

    Dang, Girl! You are one tough woman. We had the flu go through our house in January -- Fever up to 104, breathing treatments, tamiflu, 3 weeks staying at home. MIne are 4-year-olds and it hit them really, really hard. I hope you get lots of good rest and have the week you deserve this week!

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Another Friday, Another Hip Problem

Friday, February 18, 2011

Okay, I am seriously considering seeing a doctor about this hip situation. I need to know if I should just stop trying to run altogether or if there is something I can do to correct my problems. I ran again today. First interval felt great. I ran at 5.0 for 1/10th of a mile and it felt awesome. I waited a LONG time, walking at a regular pace, before I tried to run again. The first .08 miles of the second interval were fine, but those last .02 put me into a tailspin of regret, concern and just plain anger. Seriously, I'm angry. I'm a runner at heart who is physically unable to run, and it's killing me mentally. Not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I'm honestly considering calling the doc for a consultation on the matter.

Second of all, I signed up yesterday for the Get Lucky 7k in Minnesota, which I will walk while RAVENSONG and MEZZOANGEL run their hearts out ahead of me. Yes, I'm sure you can hear the disappointment in my voice, but I'm trying to get over it. I never thought I'd still be in the same place after a year. I've come so far physically, lost a lot of weight and inches, am stronger than I've ever been, can walk much faster than I could when I started, but running just isn't in the cards for me. It's what's been holding me back from signing up for any races thus far, but for some reason I woke up yesterday and told myself I had to do another race, even if I walked every step, I had to do it.

The problem right now is figuring out how to get there without killing my bank account. I have a lot of research to do on rental cars and airfare, but I have a feeling I'm going to be mad at myself for a long time for spending money when I *should* be saving it for the wedding in July. I'll figure it out, but right now I'm stressing major over it.

Third, I spent most of the morning FINALLY putting up my non-Spark blog.

I don't know why, but I think I need to share my story with non-Sparkers too. It's not a complete page yet, and only has one post, but I hope it will help me focus my ramblings here into more concrete posts on this wacky, crazy year I'm giving myself. This is my own version of Eat, Pray, Love - just without the Italians and Indians and such. I want to see if I can accomplish something similar right here at home (or, at least, in the continental U.S.).

Finally, it's likely needless to say, but my workout today was disappointing. In addition to the hip issues, I also had to opt out of one of my ST workouts because I just couldn't do it, couldn't even attempt it -- pull ups. HA! No. Not happening. I'm smarter than that. I have enough problems right now without knocking myself out by literally crashing on the floor when I fail and pulling every muscle in my upper body while I'm at it.

This week has been crazy. TONS of work for me to do, mixed in with nearly day-long training. Plus, I've had to step in and help out since one of our longtime employees up and retired without giving us any notice and then left days later, likely never to return. *sigh* Now I'm home for four days, both of my sons have the flu (Ethan's on the last day, I think, while Logan just started), and even though the weather is nice I'm feeling stressed and down and just want to sleep with an icepack on my hip (or a bag of frozen corn, which is what's on it right now).

Feeling very blah. Still sticking to workouts and nutrition goals anyhow, but I'm not having an UP day...let's just put it that way. Maybe tomorrow will be better. *shrug*

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATREAT4ME 2/22/2011 7:12AM

    I'm glad to know you're thinking of going to the doctor. It is important to get a Dr.s advice as it has been going on for a while and there may be something that can fix it.

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DETERMINED_SOUL 2/21/2011 10:39AM

    I would definitely stop in to see what the doc has to say. Your health is important on your journey.

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CALLIKIA 2/19/2011 9:02AM

    FYI - I got fitted with running shoes just last month. It was a factor I had to eliminate...I did...they don't help. *shrug*

Cher - Thanks girl. Yeah, I'll have to just stop running AGAIN. Seriously pisses me off, though. Seriously.

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ABETTERCHERYL 2/19/2011 8:32AM

    I know what its like to not be able to do something you LOVE doing due to injury. I know that it's frustrating. Extremely frustrating. I totally get it Esther. However, I'm so happy to see that you are at least doing another race even if you have to walk the whole thing. I would recommend seeing a doctor for the hip thing but if that isn't possible right now due to finances, I'd recommend altering your workouts to something that doesn't irritate the problem. If walking is good, that's great! Lots of ST. Swimming if you have access to a pool. Boxing maybe? Cardio dvds. Yoga. OMG there are still LOTS of possibilities. Running is just one of LOTS.

Esther keep your head held high. You can do this.

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FITMARY 2/19/2011 7:15AM

    Form and shoes might be playing a role, but if you have a good doctor, why not at least ask? Good luck!!!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/19/2011 12:54AM

    Love your new picture. Praying your hip feels better soon. emoticon

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CALLIKIA 2/18/2011 7:30PM

    Run or jog, it doesn't matter...I just can't get past walk.

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XTMONT 2/18/2011 6:32PM

    Rest up and if it continues to bug you, go see a doctor!

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BECKYB73 2/18/2011 5:32PM

    maybe you're skipping a

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_AIYANNA_ 2/18/2011 5:16PM

    I think you should go ahead and contact your doctor as you said. Hopefully he will steer you in the right direction. Till then try not to let it get you down - easier said than done I know. I know that you are a runner at heart and very soon you will be a runner in body and soul.

Chin up :)

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SASXONTHEMOVE 2/18/2011 5:11PM

    ((HUGS)) hon. rest that hip for tonight. If you can, go see a dr. And what about getting a video of you running and see if you can send it to a coach via the web, who might look at it for free??

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CALLIKIA 2/18/2011 5:06PM

    That's another thought I've had and yet I have no running coaches around here (and no money to pay one) to ask. *sigh*

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SARAWALKS 2/18/2011 5:01PM

    This hip thing that's bugging you...could it be a matter of form? I'm thinking of JOHNTJ1's recent experience with foot pain while running - which was alleviated so quickly by a running coach. Pasting in here the link to his video blog about it...

BR>Hoping so hard for you that you can work out the hip issue and continue to run...

Comment edited on: 2/18/2011 5:01:52 PM

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Special Moments

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Well, I will tell you that I got all hot and sweaty and steamy with Hubs on Valentine's Day. Oh, now get your minds out of the gutters! We were at the gym! See, now don't you feel a little foolish? ;)

First of all, the eating report, because that's where I'm struggling right now.
I had my day all planned out. I had my smoothie for breakfast, but was still hungry at 9:30am. I was hoping it was a temporary thing as I shift my body from one schedule to another. Let me just say that my body, I have learned through this process, works best on a daily schedule. When I get off my schedule, I go a little crazy. Hunger really is a funny thing with me, because I can actually TRAIN my body to be hungry. Right now, my body gets hungry in the morning, then again at 9:30am, then around 11:30am, then again around 2 or 3, and finally once I'm home. The only adjustment I've done for months is to vary my later snacks according to hunger, frustration, and a need to provide fuel for the upcoming gym workout. But the reason my body gets hungry at those times is because it's used to getting food at those times. And that works best for me. If I skip a snack, I get a little ravenous later and go a little crazy like my self-control has completely flown the coop. So now that I'm trying to switch out that morning snack, my body is a little confused (could be a really good thing in terms of breaking a plateau). I can report that this morning I didn't get hungry right at was a little later. I had a pear and settled the beast. But I can also say that today has been a little crazy because I was in training all morning and didn't get my lunch until super late. I'll need to monitor myself more closely all day just to make sure I don't get a little nutty.

Anyhow, back to yesterday. So I enter in all my food into my nutrition tracker, and just as I'm realizing that I'm hitting every single goal (including carbs) with my planned food for that day, my boss shows up...with chicken salad. *face/palm* It was so sweet, and yet annoying. I've been trying to get her to make me her famous chicken salad for years now, and the moment I think I've got this eating thing down again, then she shows up with the Holy Grail. *sigh* Isn't that generally how life works? I did it. I ate the chicken salad. 2 sandwiches, actually. And I had to physically stop myself from eating more. (I did, however, eat them on sandwich rounds, that really thin bread, you know?! So I guess that's a plus.)

After my workout, I planned to go home and make Chicken and Broccoli Alfredo, and once again, things fell apart. I was beat...I'll admit that. Training pours everything out of me and leaves me a shell of what I normally am with a regular schedule. Everything gets all screwy and my energy is completely zapped attempting to adjust to the changes in environment and timing. We considered going out to eat (at a buffet! OMG!) but ended up at home instead (so at least that's a win!) where I had 2 more chicken sandwiches. I only ate the second one because after the first, I felt like I needed more food. I started reaching for anything and everything - chips, cookies, crackers with peanut butter. I didn't care what. I wanted that full feeling. Hubs finally looked at me and said, "You'd probably do less damage if you just ate another sandwich." So I did. And then I was done for the night.

I did, however, drink a CRAPTON of water yesterday - so YAY for me there!

Now, onto the workout...

My Hot and Steamy Valentine's Day Workout:

Started with 6 minutes on the elliptical machine as a warm-up. (I'm noticing I need a little more of a warm-up than I used to need just to get my heart rate up a bit more. This, in itself, is progress!)

I have to say, I'm in week 3 of this training and, so far, I haven't gotten bored ONCE! Three weeks of eight! And I'm just looking forward to it every single night. I've come to love free weights and heavy weight lifting and strength training so much...I just can't forget to keep in my cardio workouts.

1) Dumbbell Presses


Target: 4 sets - reps: 20/12/10/8
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 20/12/10/8 - weight: 5/10/15/20

It was my first time pulling out the 20 pound dumbbell and I cannot even tell you how empowering that felt! It was also the first time I was able to convince Hubs to do work in on my exercises with me. When he saw me doing 20 pounds, he HAD to do it too. *lol* He's such a man!

2) One Arm Side Cable Laterals
(OMG! His poor arm became detached!! EEP! ;) )


Target: 4 sets - reps: 20/14/12/10
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 20/14/12/10 - weight: 20/30/30/40

Last time (week 1) I did 4 sets - reps: 16/12/12/10 - weight: 20/25/30/35
I'm gonna call that improvement. I did it this time on the machine downstairs instead of the one upstairs. I was starting to max out upstairs on the smaller cable machine for some of my other workouts, so I figured I had better get used to this one now.

3) Reverse Dumbbell Wrist Curls


Target: 3 sets - reps: 16/14/14
Actual: 3 sets - reps: 16/14/14 - weight: 8/10/12

Now, the actual reps might be a little off. I did reach failure on these at the end. Problem was in the beginning I was trying to get some handle on how to get my arm on the bench in order to keep it steady enough to get the workout down right. The picture *I* had shows the person's arms straight out in front of them on the bench. Well, that doesn't exactly work right for me. One of the other gym regulars decided to come over and try to help us (me and Hubs) out with form too. "I'm a perfectionist," he said. I smiled. Me too. "Unless MY form is wrong," he laughed. "Then I don't want to hear it." *lol* He was friendly and was just trying to help. He didn't tell us we were wrong. In fact, he admitted he hadn't been able to find a proper placement yet that would allow him to maintain his form on these. We tried a few things, and it wasn't until I place my arm in front of me, but across my body making a slant (like / ) in order to keep my elbow out of play, isolate the right muscles, and keep my form in check. By the time we were done adjusting, I figured I had done about that number, but I can't be 100% sure. I don't think people do these enough, but I love them. I have some half-brained notion that they will help me last longer at a typing job where I risk carpal tunnel and other such injuries.

After our ST, I headed upstairs to meet my match. I knew I wouldn't likely have much time for a workout today and knew for sure I wasn't getting a gym workout (I have play practice after work), so I wanted to get a GOOD calorie-burning cardio workout in.

The Cross Country Setting.
I call it my nemesis and my best friend. It's evil and I love and hate that about it. I breathe so heavy. I want to quit 2 minutes in. The lowest settings feel fine, but then you go from the feeling of walking on sand, to wet sand, to mud, to attempting to climb out of a huge red clay mud pit. All changes in resistance. All evil. All enough to make me sweat like a hog on a spit.

At 5 minutes, I began bargaining my way out of doing the entire 30 minutes.
At 10 minutes, I told myself just 10 minutes more.
At 15 minutes, Hubs asked if I was done.
At 20 minutes, the kids started getting fiesty and wanted to leave.
At 25 minutes, Hubs was in awe, Ethan was in awe, I was out of breath!
At 30 minutes, I was triumphant!
And after 5 more, I was cooled down and exhausted and sore.

And here are the results.

And, yes, in the middle of an easier bit, I decided to take a picture of myself...and then was shocked at how tiny *I* looked!

So that's how I spent my Valentine's Day. How was yours? I did have 2 mini cookies. I'll freely admit that. I wasn't so fond of them, though... (I know, why 2 then? *sigh*) This morning the scale rewarded me. Today I'm trying to do a little better on my eating...I even brought some dinner since I won't be home in time to eat there like normal. NO FAST FOOD, Esther.

This morning I kept thinking how special last night was.
A V-Day not spent drowning my disappointment in chocolate.
A V-Day not spent arguing over money spent going out.
A V-Day spent in the gym doing good things for our bodies.
A V-Day when Hubs actually started listening to my training advice!
A V-Day when another regular started making conversation on the fly.
A V-Day that may have not gone as planned, but went better than I would have expected any year before 2011.

That, my dears, is true self-love.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPUNKYDUCKY 2/18/2011 12:49AM

    Forgot to tell you that I love your new pic...strong and beautiful!

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CHICAT63 2/17/2011 8:10PM

    Great time for your St-Valentine's are really amazing. Sparkspeople, we have a Trainer in Training if you ask me:)

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SPUNKYDUCKY 2/16/2011 1:25PM

    I also got a great workout, and ate a few mini-chocolates (which I logged) and stayed in. It was lovely.

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RIGBY31 2/16/2011 12:15AM

    Beyond amazing at the gym! Yes, talk about self love!

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TIGERJANE 2/16/2011 12:03AM

    You look so beautiful and sultry in that pic!

And what an awesome way to spend V-day :)

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ATREAT4ME 2/15/2011 10:24PM

    You do look tiny! And happy. That is the best Valentine's Day ever!

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BAYBELIEVER 2/15/2011 9:15PM

    You DO look amazing in this picture! All that hard work in the gym! And you don't get nearly as red in the face as I do! Congrats!

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RUSSELLORAMA 2/15/2011 8:55PM

    Yay! Way to show some love!

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SASXONTHEMOVE 2/15/2011 7:58PM

    You look FIERCE!!! Awesome!

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ERIN1128 2/15/2011 7:27PM


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SARAWALKS 2/15/2011 6:02PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/15/2011 5:47PM

    You inspire me Esther. Seriously.

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MICHELLESMILES_ 2/15/2011 4:58PM

    You do look VERY tiny in that pic!


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SEEHOLZ 2/15/2011 3:47PM

    You look great and way to go to get your whole family to the gym!!!

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Weigh-In: 329 Edition

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Weigh-In Day

Weight Last Week: 330.6
Weight Goal for This Week: 328.6
Actual Weight This Week: 329.4
Weight Loss/Gain This Week: -1.2 pounds

I'll take it! This has been a VERY hard week on my diet. I got almost all of my fitness in, but eating has been a bit of a joke with all the stress eating I've done, so, yes, I will take 1.2 pounds when I assumed it would be 0 pounds lost. And I'll take finally getting back to 329. It's all uncharted from here, and I'm ready to go...I think.

Week in Review:

Sunday was rest day. I rested. Pretty good eating all day ended with a 1/2 a small box of Cinnamon Life Cereal. Ate Subway for lunch...and too much at that.

Monday - Shoulders and Forearms. Did that. Good eating all day ended with a 1/2 a small box of Cinnamon Life Cereal.

Tuesday - Legs & Calves workout. Did that. Zumba. Did that. Good eating all day ended with Mexican that night, but I was a good girl at the restaurant, so there was progress. Also ate Subway for lunch but was MUCH smarter about it. Again...progress.

Wednesday - Chest workout. Did that. Cut the cardio because I was exhausted. Tried lentil soup, which I didn't care for, but discovered that lentils are magical "fill me up" food, so I'm tracking down a new recipe (my nutritionist is sending me one this week that she LOVES). Tried Moussaka and loved it. Going to try to take the skin of the eggplant next time though, as it made it a little tough to eat.

Thursday was a rest day. I rested because Zumba was canceled and I needed time to talk to Ethan more. Craved chicken salad again for lunch, but the calories in the version I bought at Krogers wasn't too bad. Ate some sushi too. NOM! Made Cassoulet for the gang (that's the actual name of the SparkRecipe) and EVERYONE loved it. WILL make this again with the new Dutch Oven Shane got me. *big grin*

Friday - Back & calves. Major failure. Pulled my underarm muscle. They're killing me by expecting me to do pull-ups at 330 pounds. EEP! Did the best I could, though. Spent the morning hanging out with Hubs. Realized Shoney's breakfasts are calorie killers. Spent time at the gym with Hubs and actually did 1/2 of W1D1 of C25k before the hip started hurting a bit. I call that progress. I also call the fact that the hip feels healed now progress. Didn't get much cardio in later, but bonded with Ethan at the second trip to the gym, so that was good. Had a meeting with the nutritionist, which I'll discuss in a bit...but she's given me some food for thought, that's for sure. Family game night following Logan's dance, where I realized that these snacking nights of pizza and M&Ms need to be changed a bit.

Saturday - Triceps & Biceps. Did that. Curled 20 lb. dumbbell on the preacher curl machine. Again, I call that progress. My arms are feeling it today, and I love it! Ate like crap. More stress eating due to fights with Hubs and worrying about Ethan. Did well in the morning with a protein shake, though...and that gives me a thought for the rest of the week...

So, let's just put it out there. My fitness is going pretty well. I get most of it done without hardly thinking. I love weight lifting so that pulls me to the gym nearly every day of the week. Where the trouble has come is from the diet.

I spoke with the nutritionist, and this is what we discussed:

* I told her that on Friday, following my first visit to the gym, I made myself a shake with frozen fruit (pineapples, mangoes and strawberries), milk, water, and a scoop of the Body Fortress Whey Protein (chocolate). It was a HUGE shake, and tasted amazingly good. I kept thinking, though, that I'd be hungry soon after. It wasn't until 5:30pm, as I'm sitting in the nutritionist's office that I realize that I hadn't eaten or even thought of eating since the shake. And I got a thought right there and then - what if I swap this out for my morning breakfasts?

Right now I generally eat 1/2 a bagel with 1 Tbsp. of cream cheese and 16 oz. of coffee with 2 servings of creamer. Problem is, I get hungry within 2 hours. Problem 2 is, I've been considering wiping coffee out of my diet, but couldn't get over the thought of only drinking water on my way to work. So maybe this protein shake would kill 2 birds with one delicious stone. I told her the idea as it popped into my head and she encouraged I try it. Starting tomorrow (granted, I have to go back to the store today and get more fruit...can't believe I forgot it yesterday!) I will make myself a HUGE protein shake and enjoy that on my way to work.

I tested this out yesterday and took my huge shake to Logan's school to watch his game. Once again, I wasn't hungry for hours. I was even offered a hot dog and I simply was not interested. If this works, I can also cut out one of my morning snacks and I can start seeing if I can stay on the low end of my new calorie range (1700ish calories).

* I have a problem with carbs. I never expected this to be a problem, but Gina thinks it just might be the cause of some of the plateau issues. The problem is not too many carbs, but too few. I'm having trouble getting all of my carbs in each day, while I hit every other range just fine, my carbs lag behind. So she said to give it a shot, watching my intake and hitting at least my low range carb limit...see if that helps. She told me to turn to more fruits (another reason my protein shake in the morning will work), beans and legumes (like lentils) and whole grain breads.

Truth? I rarely eat bread anymore. Truth 2? I don't eat enough fruits because I can't find a lot of good, fresh fruits anymore (stupid winter!). Truth 3? I've actually eaten more fruits and beans/legumes this week, and even though I expected to never hit 329...I did. So there. We'll work on it for the next couple weeks and see what we can make happen.

Now, why do I have this problem? I told her it's likely because when I doubt what to eat, I eat like my mom would. Mom had gastric bypass years ago, so carbs are the enemy to her. So it makes sense that if I'm following her diet, I'm not getting all the carbs my body needs.

* I'm not getting enough calcium. Yep, I confessed that I rarely drink milk anymore. I don't eat cereal (except when I go crazy a couple nights a week with Life cereal *sigh*) because I don't see it's nutritional value when compared to how long it keeps me full. I get dairy through cheese mostly, but no milk...and, honestly, I'm probably not getting enough dairy either. So, she said, as a woman now in her 30s, I need to either up the milk intake, or take a calcium supplement. Of course, we'll be upping the milk intake with those protein shakes in the morning, so that's just one more reason that might help me out.

* I eat too much fat. I've had this problem from day 1. The goals I always hit first are protein and fat. I still stay in my range, but I always have worried about the fact that I hit that fat goal before anything else. So we're going to keep an eye on it and see where my fat sources are...take stock of what I'm eating and what I should cut. One thing? I need to cut mayo almost completely from my diet. The other day I had a turkey sandwich from Subway with mustard, not light mayo...and it tasted just fine. So forget the mayo and add mustard...let's see if that helps first. Then keep an eye out to see where the rest of my fats are coming from.

* I have high days and low days. Usually after a high calorie day, I have one where I can't seem to eat because I'm not hungry. And I'm not talking a little change. I'm talking, I'll eat 2500 calories (500 over my limit) one day, and the next I struggle for 1300 (400 under). This just will not work. I'm going to work on balancing this out more. I think I'll be alright if I have some 2000 calorie days followed by 1700 calorie days - those are my ranges. I need to work on coloring IN the lines, not getting all willy-nilly with the thing.

This was a great session with the nutritionist, and I'm so happy to have her in my corner.

So, onto the plan for next week.

Dinners mapped out for this week:

Sunday - Pelmeni / Vegetarian Rice Casserole *
Monday - Chicken & Broccoli Alfredo
Tuesday - Keema (from Pakistan)
Wednesday - Coconut Crusted Mahi Mahi
Thursday - NONE (I work the paper, so I'll have to bring my dinner)
Friday - Garlic Shrimp Pasta
Saturday - Pizza **

Other options in my freezer/fridge/pantry:
* Tator Tot Casserole (might make this today too as a lunch option)
* Honey Garlic Pork Chops
* Grilled Herb Salmon

* Going to try to cook both today so there are options for lunches for the week.
** We're switching pizza night from Friday to Saturday so I can still have breakfast with Hubs on Friday morning. I can't do two large calorie-busting meals in one day, so I need to try first to split them up. It's either that, or we'll start doing homemade pizzas on Friday nights instead.

Lunch options for the week:
* Turkey sandwiches with mustard
* Salad
* Leftovers (if there are any)

Workouts for the week:

Sunday - Rest day. I'll likely take the dog for a walk since it's nice outside today.
Monday - 5 min cardio warm-up. Shoulders & Forearms ST. 30 min cardio follow-up.
Tuesday - Zumba. Legs & Calves*
Wednesday - 5 min cardio warm-up. Chest ST. 20 min HIIT on elliptical.
Thursday - Rest.
Friday - 5 min cardio warm-up. Back & Calves ST. 30-40 min Cardio
Saturday - 5 min cardio warm-up. Triceps & Biceps ST. 30-40 min Cardio.

* I may miss my Tuesday night workout. Sucks, but it's because I might have a practice meeting for Vagina Monologues that night. We'll see what happens. I may have to simply sacrifice the gym workout and do something at work or home instead.

Other Goals for the Week:
emoticon Watch carbs this week and try to correct where possible.
emoticon Get my workouts in, and adjust where need be for other obligations.
emoticon Stop eating sweets. Stop stress eating!
emoticon Watch my fats and try to correct where possible.
emoticon Try morning protein shakes each morning.
emoticon Log everything.
emoticon Keep up the talking to Ethan. *

Weight Goal for the Week: 327.4

* One final update. I've been talking to Ethan a LOT lately. It's been very productive. I found out that it's not an issue with KIDS at school, but his advanced/gifted classes. He said that sometimes he skips morning session because they eat breakfast at school (it's free, so that's where I have them eat) and he's been getting scolded for it from the gifted teacher. She keeps telling him the reason he's so behind is because he skips morning session. So we talked about how we could fix that, and we bought him some bagels for that morning. Something quick he can eat while waiting for the bus, and then be full and ready for those morning sessions. (I had no CLUE they had morning sessions!) Second, he's felt like he's missed out on some things in his regular class because he's in this gifted class. I told him that I would pull him out of gifted if he wants, but he's completely conflicted right now. He loves his gifted class, but he hates that he misses regular class things (especially the fun things) because he has to go work on other things. He also missed the bus one day (for the first time ever) because the gifted teacher held him too long before releasing him for his bus...and that made him feel extremely guilty for making Dad come pick him up).

Thank you all for your comments. Right now we're working with him at home, trying to get him to be more honest with us, trying to take the time to understand where his triggers are. We will certainly seek outside help if that's necessary, but for right now, we're working into the "talking it out" method. Ethan's more like me than anyone ever sees. I felt that way a lot growing up, but I thought it was because of my circumstances (crappy father who liked to beat me whenever the wind blew)...maybe it has to do more with how empathetic we are as people. As I've matured, I've learned more not to take other people's rejection and disappointment so hard that it destroys my own feelings of worth and value. I still struggle with that, but you CAN learn how to work through that. It's a process, and a long one at that. I have learned that he wants to talk to me, but only when it's safe (i.e. his brother is not around, and usually Dad too). I've told him time and again that I just want to know what's going on, no judging, no wrong answer...and that has been helping.

I'll touch base with the school when I can, but as someone said, budget cuts have meant there is no devoted school counselor at his school. They do have a child psychologist who works the entire district, so (1) I would have to make an appointment with her, and (2) I'm not sure she'd know much about him or his behavior since she's rarely there. Until then, I'll keep an eye on him here, and I'll keep asking him how that gifted class is going. I may even call down to his teacher and speak with her. She adores Ethan and sees him all the time, so she would know better than anyone what his behavior is like in school and what upsets him. Maybe I can see if there's any way she can hold off the fun stuff until he is able to attend...maybe work with the gifted teacher more on the schedule so the gifted kids don't feel so isolated. Gifted programs are supposed to enhance and be a privilege, not a sacrifice that a 3rd grader has to make. Sure, later, he should have to decide what's important, but to a 3rd grader...well, he wants the best of both worlds. He wants to be stimulated mentally AND emotionally...and why shouldn't he be able to have that?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHARONA_P 2/14/2011 5:06PM

    Every bit of knowledge you have is more that youc an add to your list of tools to get healthier. Small tweaks and changes are needed every so often to keep us on the right track. Sounds like you have some good ideas ti use. Maybe try measuring yourself a bowl of cereal on those nights when you really want to knaw on sweet treats. ; )

Sounds like you are offering your son just what he needs to work through the current issues he has - a supportive and caring adult to talk to. Even if he doesn't talk to you about everything right away, knowing that you are there if he needs it is a HUGE thing for kids, especially boys. Keep doing what you are doing! You are the kind of mom lots of people wish for. :)

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MAGPIE17 2/14/2011 11:04AM

    I throw vanilla greek yogurt into my smoothies - might be worth trying, because it'll increase your calcium and protein, and it's non-fat!

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CHICAT63 2/14/2011 9:23AM

    Just awesome Esther:) you are doing excellent, carbs are my weakness for sure. As for Ethan I can understand I went through the same thing with my youngest daughter in grade 10 it was difficult to reach her in time we did. Have a great week !

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RUNNINGNP2B 2/14/2011 9:12AM

    I'm so glad to hear you were able to get Ethan to open up to you, what a tough thing for you guys to have to go through. What an amazing little boy, he's lucky to have you as his momma. Keep plugging at it sweetness.

As for everything else, way to freaking go!!!! I am so happy for you, that you were able to get to 329!!!! And with everything else going on? Your focus is amazing. And I highly recommend the protein shakes, I have found it's a fabulous way to stay full and get some calcium in with fruit and obviously the protein. Glad you're finding something that works so well for you. And the results? Can't beat that emoticon emoticon

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RAVENSONG37 2/14/2011 9:03AM

    You're so amazing all the way around.

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SARAWALKS 2/13/2011 7:38PM

    WONDERFUL news about how things are going with Ethan, it sounds like you really have a handle on this and it makes so much sense to me. It's hard being a gifted kid and at the same time being able to be "one of the guys" and have fun too. emoticon to Ethan...he won't be embarrassed by virtual ones...

I have two food suggestions that work for me. One is Dole Wildly Nutritious Frozen Fruit. comes in big bags, has strawberries, mangoes, pineapple, peaches. when I can't get this stuff fresh I eat this and it is quite tasty. Makes good smoothies too.

I must say I would just fold up and die if I only ate 1/2 a bagel with cream cheese in the AM!
My discovery is Jimmy Dean's turkey sausage muffins/bagels/croissants, there are several different types of bread. I actually like the bagels best. The turkey sausage is really tasty. You can microwave this and you have very hunky little breakfast sandwich for 260-290 calories depending what kind of bread you pick. There are JD plain turkey sausage patties too, which are good sauteed in eggs for a meaty omelet with some veggies/cheese/whatever you like. I find I can cut way down on the snacks if I have something like this in the AM. Hubs might like it too!

You are just emoticon in your persistence and your ability to get things done!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAGSA10 2/13/2011 3:50PM

    So glad to hear that Ethan and you are really working together by talking and listening. I sure do admire you for your continued workouts. I don't know how long you can keep up this pace, but hey if you can more power to you. Have a great week and stay strong and keep on Sparking.

Maggie j. emoticon

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ATREAT4ME 2/13/2011 1:42PM

    I am speechless at the way you can make such tremendous advantages on so many fronts and keep on going for as long as you have. You are a powerhouse! And one heck of a mother. How blessed Ethan is to have you! I'm so grateful to have read this. Thank you!

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KITHKINCAID 2/13/2011 1:24PM

    I have sucked with fruit & veggie consumption this week and I'm sure that's why the scale is staying where it is. Winter does suck. Must find more veggies!

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GOGOSHIRE 2/13/2011 11:24AM

    So glad to hear you've got a good dialog going with Ethan. Tough stuff for a little guy.

Good job on your 329 girl. Your workouts this week put me to shame.

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KOMONDOR 2/13/2011 10:58AM

    I have similar reactions to cereal--not enough payoff for the calorie expenditure. I suppose it helps that I don't care for milk.

And, not surprisingly, have similar issues with reaching even the lower end of my carb threshhold. I'm not working with a nutritionist, just the ratios from Spark. But I know the end result is a bit skewed.

Congrats on your loss! And on all your problem solving efforts

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/13/2011 10:58AM

    Uncharted territory... here you come! emoticon

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