CALLIKIA   23,798
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
CALLIKIA's Recent Blog Entries

Making Plans and Setting Goals (with Pics)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

While I've been a whirlwind of emotion lately, and even though I'm sore all over and forced into a rest day today from a badly pulled hip injury, my mood today is light and bright and cheery. Why? you ask. Well, because I have a plan!

I love making plans. It's probably one of my most favorite things to do. I'm a girl with a to do list that includes "make a to do list" on it. I'm the one with the vacation binders, planned out vacations with budgets of the money allowances for each day and the planned activities for family and friends and I. I'm the girl that doesn't feel ready unless I have a plan B, C and D in place - my own version of "expect the unexpected" is "plan for the unexpected."

So, the other day, while my mind was a wreck, I thought to myself, "What better way to bring me out of this funk, then to make plans for the new year?" And I did. And it was GOOD! *lol*

I started by simply making a list. In English classes, we call it brainstorming or freewriting. You don't edit. Every crazy thing you can think of goes on the can weed out the bad seeds later. I wrote down everything. Things I wanted to accomplish. Stuff I wanted to try. Stuff I wanted for myself (like rewards). I just kept writing. Weight goals. Fitness goals. Goals for new activities to try. Clothing size goals, dreams, thoughts. All of it went down on paper.

I let that sit for a few days, adding here and there, and then I remembered this wonderful poster board I had bought at the store for a new vision collage.

I wanted a new vision collage because the old one just wasn't doing it for me anymore. But the poster board sat there for a long time, because my motivation and my ideas of what could be were just ...not here. I tried, I really did. I cut out things from magazines, but I just wasn't feeling it...

So once I had my goals all laid out, I started making my calendars for each month...much like ABETTERCHERYL did. Much like Cher, I like to plan with a goal, or a thought in mind for the month. Whether it's simply something like "consistency" or it's more thought out, I like to have a focus word for my workouts and my meals.

Problem was, I wasn't going to plan what I would do in April as far as workouts and such, because I had no clue what my body would be ready for by I had to back peddle a little bit. I completed January's calendar and then went through and labeled each month with a thought that meant something for that month, and that went pretty well. I let that sit for a few days before I finally realized that I had to split this up. I obviously couldn't complete some of my goals in the winter, and I didn't want to wait too long and then spend my time scrambling to see what I could complete by the end of the year. So this is what happened...

I figured the easiest thing to do was to split the year into equal parts. Four segments of 3 months each (you only see parts 2-4'll get part 1 later on), all generally centered around one season/one general climate and weather condition.

Part one - January through March is the end of winter and the beginning of Spring type temps.
Part two - April through June is full on Spring weather, getting warmer.
Part three - July through September are those scorching summer months.
Part four - October through December is when the weather changes and we have to start moving indoors again.

These segments seemed more manageable than tackling a full year head on. About 90 days each, much like a rehab-type program. And that's what I'm doing...I'm rehabing my life.

I started to realize that from what I had written down, one thing was clear - I wanted adventure! I wanted to try all those things I never thought I could or should. I wanted to scare myself a little. I wanted to challenge myself. The weight goals were only important if they opened a new door (like the weight limit of 290 for canopy ziplining here in WV). 2011 was going to be my year of new. My challenges to myself. My journey to find out who I really was, what I really liked, and what in the world brings me joy.

I got all this from reading more of my Winning After Losing book. One of the goals in the book is to start to love the world - to find things that bring you joy and pleasure that DO NOT include food. What do I love? Who am I? How can I enjoy my new life, this new-found freedom that comes from losing 80 pounds (and more to come)? For once, I'm opening doors and walking through them, not standing outside looking in the window and wondering what it would be like. I might love some things and I might hate others...but the true goal is to find out what interests me without considering my weight restrictions (and the restrictions I place on myself because I believe my weight will make me look "strange" to others I might encounter doing the same things).

So I've dubbed 2011 - The Year of Adventures!

I was talking to one of my best friends about this and we (I) decided that this year we're going to scare ourselves a little. I'm all set to do these on my own, but I think it might be fun to have some company along the way. My thought is to do one thing a month that scares us, at least a little...and do more if we have time. And I hope to scrapbook and blog the entire journey along the way! (I'm emailing a guy today about a private boxing lesson for the two of us next month! SO fun! No sparring, just technical boxing and such so we can get a workout and learn the techniques I can take to the gym with me on my own.)

So this is one of the finished posters - part one of 2011. I left the others in pencils, just in case I need to swap out plans here and there. We never know what could happen or where I'll be just months from now. I'm learning more and more that the more time I devote to myself, the more changes I seem to see...and having a plan B in place is my super-duper important steadying thought...always! *lol*

First off, I listed 11 goals for each part of the year. (11 for 2011! :) )
Next to that, I listed the reward I will give myself if I achieve that goal. (I have to say, this is still one of the hardest ones for me, but I'm challenging myself to do this as well.)
1. Log 90 Miles (equals one mile a day) -- * 3 New CDs
2. Lose 20 Pounds -- *Mani/pedi
3. Complete Couch 2 5k Program -- *New running shoes
4. Finish 2 Races -- * Magazine subscription
5. Complete 30 Day Shred -- * New fitness DVD
6. Finish "Winning After Losing" -- * The Spark book
7. Read 3 Books (including 1 for research) -- * Kindle audio book
8. Do 1-minute plank -- * Kettleball w/DVD
9. Log 3,900 Fitness Minutes -- * New workout outfit
10. Attend 20 Zumba classes -- * Zumba gear
11. Fit into size 24 jeans -- * New power outfit

Next, I listed the little words I put on my calendar for the three months.

... it's a new year and a new you! Start at Step 1 and build a solid foundation.
... learn how to love the world, not food. And always, always, always love yourself!
... count your blessings, including the amazing support of old friends, new friends, and family.

This is what my calendars say:
January - It's a New Year and a New You! Start at Step 1!
February - Love the World and Yourself
March - Count Your Blessings

Thankfully, there was room to really expand upon those a little on the poster.

And finally, a quote to close out the whole 3 months. Something for me to remember when I walk out the door to go to the gym, or whenever my courage is failing me. This one is the one I shared yesterday with all of you in my blog. Love it!

I'm starting my year off with a plan, because I never was really good with spontaneity (maybe that's something else I'll work on!). Plus, I have found that having plans and goals keeps me on track, even if I don't hit all my goals, just knowing they're there push me to work harder than if I just accepted this as any other day.

Just thinking about all the things I've accomplished this year that are completely new to me - tennis, 5ks, 10ks, running, Zumba, hiking, boxing, line dancing, pilates, yoga. All things for years I told myself I couldn't do. Things I really couldn't do at first because I was so out of shape. I worked myself into them. And if that's what I did when not even trying, what can I do when I set out to really challenge myself? What can I do now that I'm in the best shape of my adult life? The sky is the limit, and I'm totally ready for the adventure!!

Anybody want to take an adventure with me?!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATREAT4ME 1/13/2011 7:20AM

    Awesome, Esther! You are fantastic and amazing and impressive. I am most impressed with the time you are spending with yourself, getting to know and discover yourself. It is impressive because that's the first thing I sacrifice as life demands more of me. I admire your posters, your ability to sit and think what is it that you want. Great job! 2011 will be your year!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MISSMERRYMAC 1/2/2011 1:01PM

    I love your blog! It is so helpful. I am just the opposite. I struggle with plans & planning. Seeing the pictures of & hearing the description of your process has motivated me and given me a hope that i can learn how to do this. thank you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
QT2BEE 1/2/2011 12:17PM

    OMG your blog could have been written by me - about me!!!! I am going to begin my journey with visualizations as you have!!! I would love to have you keep me accountable!!! Also, have you thought about turning this journey into some type of SparksTeam? I think you'd make a great leader!

Please keep us posted! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
YOGAGIRL289 1/1/2011 8:15PM

  What an excellent idea! Your post has inspired me to come up with my own list of goals, rewards, and reminders/quotes. Thank you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAINSPARK 1/1/2011 2:58PM

    Thanks for the great blog. I'm ready to take hold of my life and embrace the adventure too! Happy New Year!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ELLIENOV 1/1/2011 4:37AM

  Love this idea am off to do the same for myself.
my quote is a little self love goes along way!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPORTY07 12/31/2010 5:53PM

    An awesome idea! Wish you all the best.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BRAVENEWGRL 12/30/2010 11:17AM

    I love the idea of breaking the year into three parts! Great idea! And it sounds like your plan is a good one. Have fun on this year of adventure. I'm going to add you as a friend so I can follow your journey.

Happy New Year!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAVENSONG37 12/30/2010 9:12AM

    I love your plan and I know you will be so successful this year! I'm behind you 1000%!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SASXONTHEMOVE 12/28/2010 8:51PM

    Amazing. Simply amazing. You are gonna do IT!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAGPIE17 12/28/2010 8:37PM

    Your plan kind of reminds me of "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin....highly recommend it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NINNY165 12/26/2010 12:47PM

    I am ready for an adventure this year. emoticon I will begin working on this today. My goal to have it completed by December 312010. Thank you for providing the template... will begin today, by brainstorming. I feel alive with excitement...2011 is the year that I will begin the journey full force.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NINNY165 12/26/2010 12:47PM

    I am ready for an adventure this year. emoticon I will begin working on this today. My goal to have it completed by December 312010. Thank you for providing the template... will begin today, by brainstorming. I feel alive with excitement...2011 is the year that I will begin the journey full force.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALASKASKY 12/25/2010 1:31PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
_DASH_ 12/24/2010 1:48PM

    beautiful!!!! i love your year of adventures and goals/rewards lists!!! perfect. i KNOW 2011 is going to so be your year!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHEILA1505 12/24/2010 4:57AM

    Wow! This is great and well worth incorporating into my thinking for 2011 - I love the idea of scaring ourselves silly every once in a while and you are going to be getting lots and lots of rewards by the end of March!


Report Inappropriate Comment
ZMICHE 12/23/2010 11:48PM

    This is SO awesome!! emoticon for sharing!! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/23/2010 6:30PM

    love love love times a million!!! I was SO hoping to see a pic of you in the dress (which should totally be your NYE dress. Come on, PCB wants to see!!!

Much love sent your way. I love your adventures. I am signing up for the Go Commando tonight emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ERIN1128 12/23/2010 6:27PM

    Esther, I am in awe. What a wonderful thing, to sit down and brainstorm your way to figuring out what you really want! You've given me a lot of ideas to ponder, thank you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOJOBURG 12/23/2010 5:05PM

    Great!! You're enthusiasm is contagious!! You gave me new ideas for my New Year's plan!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
AUNTIELES53 12/23/2010 3:01PM

    love this blog :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARASHAPESUP 12/23/2010 2:55PM

    I love this!!! You did such a good job putting it into words. I am so going to "copy" you! :) Love it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEALTH-E-CLARE 12/23/2010 1:55PM

    I'm ready for an adventure. Maybe I'll make a list over my next couple of days off. I was going to make a goal list anyways, why not throw some challenges in there.

You are going to accomplish great things in 2011

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRYS210 12/23/2010 1:54PM

    I love your enthusiasm and planning. I'm a list-type person as well so I understand your method. Keep us posted how things progress. I'm cheering for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
EBIELOU 12/23/2010 1:46PM

    Wow! This inspired me for my plans for the year!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUSSELLORAMA 12/23/2010 1:02PM

    I'm there with you! What an awesome plan! I like the idea of breaking it up into 90-day segments. It doesn't seem nearly as insurmountable that way!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CALLIKIA 12/23/2010 12:39PM

    Steal away! I love to see my OCD rubbing off on other people! *lol*

Report Inappropriate Comment
MONIQUEARIELLE 12/23/2010 12:37PM

    love love love! and i'm stealing! :) you're going to have an incredible 2011!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ABETTERCHERYL 12/23/2010 12:32PM

    OMG, I love this so much I can't even explain.

Love it. All of it.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Building Wonders

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

As those who follow my blogs have gotten to see, I've spent the last week and a half or so in utter chaos. My self-control flew right out the window. I was trying my best to stay on task, but my focus was gone and I couldn't keep it going for very long. I still worked out 3 days last week, but it did nothing to really improve my mood. I ate good when I felt that control, but then it all went to hell and I was back to eating whatever I wanted, whenever, and however much. I didn't care. That's what I told myself in those moments. I was too tired to fight anymore. I wanted what I wanted and I didn't care about the consequences.

Each day I woke up thinking, "Okay, restart...let's try this again." I had a few days where I had a few good hours, but it mostly fell apart by the time I got home. I cried at random. I cried until it hurt and then, at times, I refused to cry. I didn't know what was wrong, even though I tried and tried to narrow it down. I'm still not even really sure where the rock came that made me stumble and fall, but I'm starting to think it was more like a collection of little rocks, little things that were bothering me, scaring me, or things I had held back on dealing with. One of them would have easily been stepped on, forgotten and moved on from...but the mass amount build-up of so many little things created a disaster zone, and I had no real hope of doing anything but what I did...trying to make it through, and falling over and over again as I tried to get up.

On Sunday I vowed that I was done. I wrote a beautiful blog about what I was learning from my fall from grace, and that helped keep me on track for about three hours. At the movie, I ate lots of popcorn. And later, I think there was pizza. A LOT of pizza.

On Monday, I went to work like always. As I was getting out of my car, I looked up at the building and said, "Okay, Esther. Enough. This is it. This may be as good as it's ever going to get, and you need to learn how to live with that." And I cried a little inside my heart, gathered my belongings and tried to have a good day. I went to the gym later and felt like a zombie. I had no plan. I was like a blind person stumbling through. I saw a girl from Yoga class in the locker room. "I've missed this class so much!" she said excitedly. I smiled and echoed her sentiment, and followed her upstairs, and got out a mat and started class. And I grumbled in my head all the way through it. I don't remember the last time I used the word "hate" so much in one hour, except maybe when I was like 16 and hated everything and everyone for a while. I couldn't focus. I stayed in class and did every move until it was complete, but I didn't really care. I couldn't even lay still in corpse pose!

After Yoga I got on the elliptical and started hating on the girl next to me. (She is rather rude and annoying, as I was witness to one of her outbursts one night as a Pilates class used the area SHE wanted to work out in and she started saying things like, "This is stupid! Why don't you people move and let me do some REAL exercise!" Her boyfriend (i'm assuming) tried to quiet her, but she wasn't having it, even though they knew I could hear them (i wasn't in the class...I haven't been back since that first one) "What?" she said. "I don't care! They're just stretching! It's stupid!" I struggled with two thoughts in that moment, "Holy CRAP! Just stretching?! I would wager you have never tried that JUST STRETCHING there!" and "OMG! She thinks it's completely stupid and I wasn't even able to do it...I must REALLY suck!"....that was another one of those pebbles I talked about earlier.)

After 33 minutes on the elliptical at a pretty high intensity (for me...biatch next to me was pedaling like her friggin' mini shorts were on fire!), I did a few laps walking around the gym, and then did a lap of running. I was testing my hip, that's been hurting since I did Week 4, Day 1 last Saturday (another pebble). I went home and told myself I'd done good...but I didn't friggin' care. I ate and ate...and when that didn't work, I made Hubs go get me more cigs (I've been trying to stop smoking...another pebble) and a Big Mac and Fries from McD' 10:30pm! And I ate every bite, even though while he was gone I questioned myself because I knew I was already full. (That full feeling left when the food came...)

Tuesday morning I woke up and actually blurted out loud, "Okay, Esther. ENOUGH! You've had your fun...if that's what you're calling it. Now stop!" My stomach hurt. I had already admitted to Hubs the night before that I shouldn't have had the McD's. I knew better and I did it anyways. Stupid. I had a pretty good day. I skipped breakfast because I wasn't feeling well, but ate some oatmeal when I got to work. I felt in a better mood, and suddenly started making plans for the new year. I wasn't sure why, but everything felt a little easier to imagine in my head...and I just rode that wave all day.

After work I headed to the gym, and then talked myself into a detour to my son's school, where I hoped to meet his basketball coach. When I stopped at home to pee and saw my three boys sitting there, I admitted to Hubs that I had the strong urge to skip the gym and just go get something to eat with them, but that I didn't want to actually skip the gym. I looked at the clock. 5:30pm. "You know," I told him, all crafty like, "Zumba doesn't start until 7pm..."

I ate Ponderosa last night. Yes, I went to a buffet before I went to work out, but I ate in moderation because I did not want to be in physical pain from being stuffed throughout my entire workout. I indulged a bit, but I kept it reasonable. I felt myself regaining control little by little. And I soared in Zumba class after my instructor announced to everyone that I had won our Biggest Loser challenge by losing 12.5 inches overall in 8 weeks. And then she asked how much weight I had lost, and I went ahead and told them 80 pounds, even though I knew I was up a few from that. And everyone cheered and congratulated me and I had the balls to simply THANK THEM without shrugging it off as nothing.

Later that night, I had one brief thought about eating a cookie or something, but I stuck to a simple after-workout snack of my missed breakfast from the morning, and then had some Candy Cane Lane decaf tea and went to bed around 11pm.

This morning, I felt SO SORE in my body, but SO STRONG in my mind and spirit. I'm slowing returning to stable ground. I'm slowly getting my feet back under me...and I'm looking out for those pebbles, because I know that I'm sore and bruised right now. I'm not in the best shape. I don't have my invincible attitude anymore...I have to build that up again. But while I'm scared that I'll fall down again (a reason I wasn't here yesterday...I was trying so hard to focus and to not say something I wasn't going to do..I wanted to have one day of OKAY or even GOOD behind me before I tried to say anything else), I'm here. I'm showing up.

I spent the day putting together posters for my 2011 goals (which I'll share later). Four posters, splitting the year into 3-month segments, basically in seasons/season transitions....each with 11 goals for those 3 months, and 11 rewards for those goals. I've got a little more bounce in my step today. A little more shine in my shoes. I'm not going to get cocky again, I just want to stay proud and strong so that this new foundation I'm building is even better than the last one. I'm thinking of it like this quote I found today....

"Never worry about the delay in success because construction of wonders takes more time than ordinary building." -Vipin

Tonight I have my Week 4, Day 2 run scheduled from C25k. I have to say, I'm still very nervous. My hip is still a little sore, and I don't know how that will work out in the run. But for right now, I refuse to use that as an excuse to not try. I will work through it, alter my form if need be, and simply try to make it through my run steady and slow. And, if it pulls or feels too uncomfortable, I'll do something else. I'll walk a 5k or get back on the elliptical. As for the regularly scheduled ST tonight, I may skip it but I'm just not sure... First of all, I don't want to overwork the hip, but it is probably good to work it some. On the other hand, I've done yoga and some Zumba toning in the past 2 days (including a LOT of leg and hip work last night!) and I may need to give it some real rest. We'll play it by ear, but I will vow to myself right now to work out at least 30 minutes tonight, and to shoot for 45, whatever I end up doing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATREAT4ME 1/13/2011 7:08AM

    I am in constant awe at your ability to assess your efforts so frankly. That is a huge, HUGE skill and a real blessing in this journey.

It is a long trip. And the Christmas holidays are so difficult. There's extra to do, it's on-going from Thanksgiving to New Year's, the pressure of doing it right for the kiddos, the parties, the false confidence from a successful Thanksgiving (maybe that's just mine!), not to mention the cold(er) weather. I do love me the holidays, but IMHO the wise men couldn't get to Bethlehem fast enough for me!

But Thank God we're in the New Year! And Thank God you've been working on your posters and you have a plan of what 2011 will look like for you. Now you can start working on that and I'm sure your mojo will return promptly.

Becareful with the hip pain. I like that you're taking the time to strengthen it. My running is sidelined right now because of hip pain. I'm seeing and Awesome PT guy and working to strengthen all the muscles in my upper legs and butt to better support my hips. I'll be eager to see how you progress.

Take care, my Friend! You are doing awesome and I am so proud of you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BTINTERNET 12/23/2010 10:45AM

    I love watching you learn (and can't wait to see your posters - what a great idea!); you're an inspiration. Merry Christmas dear heart!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LEAN-N-LEXY 12/23/2010 9:54AM

You are learning. Try not to be so hard on yourself for what in the long run is a short period of time.

Report Inappropriate Comment
RIGBY31 12/23/2010 12:54AM

    You and I are leading parallel lives... seriously! From the crying (what's up with that?!) to the food. Where we part ways, my dear, is that you are working out. Even if your heart wasn't totally into it, you did it. Me, not so much. So good for you, love your plan to keep trying.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAMADWARF 12/22/2010 5:59PM

    from one stumbler to another, carry on.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    I get on hate-streaks, too, at times. I don't know what brings it out of me, but man, when it happens, its ugly. I hate on everything internally. I hate slow people, I hate people who talk too much, I hate machines, I hate sounds, I hate it all. But eventually with all my b-tching in my head, I get myself to laugh...which is what means I've at least broken my spell of angry feelings. It is a nearly impossible feat, but once I'm over the anger, it's like it never happened.
I'm glad you're feeling better. :) I love reading your blogs and I thank you for sharing all that's been going on with you. Keep going, girl!! You're doing great!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BELLALUCIA 12/22/2010 5:33PM

    Great blog! Keep at it old gal, lol!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAVENSONG37 12/22/2010 5:29PM

    I just have to did so much right while your head was outta the game. And look how quickly you are getting back up. I'm so awed by you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CBAILEYC 12/22/2010 3:26PM

    I've been reading along, and while I appreciate all your blogs (I really do!) I like this one very much. It's great to post about successes and triumph, and we all love them and cheer them. It's important, though, to post about the struggles, the stumbles, the effort to get back up and start moving again.

I applaud you for doing this. Nevermind being honest with us, it's HUGE that you're honest with yourself. Well done.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOWNTOWNJEN 12/22/2010 3:24PM

    Great blog! Thanks for sharing. And thanks too for being able to accept people's happiness and excitement about your amazing weight loss.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KARVY09 12/22/2010 3:23PM

Sounds like you learned a lot from your week "off." I think we all need something like that, I think.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIFEGENESIS 12/22/2010 2:55PM

    ((HUGS)) :D

I am so proud of you for taking the time to share with us. It is tough when you are having those pebbles build up and then they overwhelm you from the inside.

CONGRATS on being the biggest loser! That is amazing!

I know you may not have noticed...but as your were blogging I was reading, "So I did the whole thing all the way through....but wasn't didn't care" type thing and the FIRST thing that came to my mind was, "Wait. She did it ALLL the way through? How often does ANYONE complete an exercise workout ALLL the way through?" THAT IS AMAZING! Great job! Even if your mind isn't rocking it right now, your body still has the strength the carry you through the rough patches and that is AWESOME! Look how far you have come! WOOT!

So glad you are starting to feel better! And I am super stoked to see your posters and plan, I could use some ideas on how to chart out my goals too and you got me interested!

Keep rocking it!


Report Inappropriate Comment

Weigh-In Day and The Importance of Lessons Learned

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Weigh-In Day

Last Week: 335.4
Goal this week: 333.4
Actual Weight: 337.0
Loss/Gain: +1.6

So I gained overall this week...and it's all due to my eating habits, and I know it.

But do you know what else I gained this week?
emoticon The knowledge that even "bad" days can teach me things I need to learn about what to do to make my goals.

emoticon The knowledge that failing at a certain goal isn't the end of the world. Today is a new day, and the start of a new week.

emoticon The knowledge that I can run for 5 minutes straight...combined with the knowledge that I still need ST to strengthen my hips. My hip hurt BAD yesterday, but it feels a lot better today. All along I kept thinking, "My hip still needs strength...I'm not done yet. I'm not a runner quite yet..."

emoticon The support of SparkFriends who understand that I'm not perfect, and that being an "inspiration" doesn't mean I always do what I know is right, sometimes it's falling, scraping your knee, getting back up, and limping your way to the finish line.

emoticon The knowledge that the scale does not define who I am as a person. This week I have also been a great mother and a good wife. I have triumphed in the gym, I have suffered through workouts I didn't want to do or even go to. I have (mostly) finished all my Christmas shopping and have made this holiday an amazing one for my boys (seriously, they are going to be spoiled rotten!! *lol*).

emoticon The realization that holidays are a very stressful time, even when you think you've got it all made. I wasn't worried about Christmas, but I should have been. I should have made a plan to get through this holiday like I did to get through Thanksgiving. I didn't understand that the talk and look of holiday sweets would still get to me, so maybe I need to make a plan to indulge in a cookie here or there without letting myself have blanket permission to eat whatever I want.

Goals for next week:

Weight: 335 or lower
Workouts: Workout at least 4 days this week

Monday - C25k W4D2 (maybe! If the hip feels good) and/or Yoga class and ST
Tuesday - Line dancing or Zumba class
Wednesday - C25k W4D3 and ST
Thursday - Line dancing or Zumba or elliptical
Friday - C25k W5D1 or elliptical and ST...I hope! Going to have to get up early because my gym is closing at noon!
Saturday - OFF

Weeks ago I set what I call "guilt-free rest days" on my iPhone calendar. I get one every few months, and last time I ignored the thing and worked out anyhow. But there's another one coming up...on Christmas Day, no I'm going to try to give myself that one and just enjoy the day with family.

Nutrition: Stay around 1800 calories

I've been so hungry lately, and then when I'm not hungry, I've been craving food. So instead of setting strict nutrition goals this week, I'm going to just reign in my calories. 1800 calories. It doesn't matter where they come from, but when I get there I need to just stop. I can do that...I know because I've done it before and did it for months!

I know I had this problem before when I was running, and that time I just gave in and stopped. But this time, I want it much more. I want to be able to run. I want to complete C25K so I can RUN my 5ks next year. I want to show myself that I can do it, I can run while chubby, as Karvy says. So this time I'm not giving up on the running, but, instead, I'm going to work on figuring out what exactly my body needs to fuel and recover from my runs. It's going to be difficult, I think, but I need to figure it out now, or risk always giving up on myself and my ability to run...and I just can't stomach that anymore.

And one final challenge to myself...
Today Hubs wants to go to the movies to see Tron. My goal is to get through the movie without any more than two handfuls of popcorn. I need to learn that these two things don't have to go together. I need to understand that a movie CAN be enjoyed without also enjoying popcorn, soda and candy. This is a huge lesson for me, because, even as a kid, when we went to the movies, the treats were a big part of it, usually because we were so poor that we were denied what we really wanted and had to substitute what we could afford (usually meant sneaking food in our purses). When I became an adult, I started getting popcorn every time, even when I wasn't hungry, just because I could. It's time to break this rebellious habit and move on to healthier ones - like simply enjoying watching a movie with my kids.

I got on myself the other day about not finishing this year strong. It was a goal of mine to just blaze through December without a care in the world, to keep losing and show myself I could finish 2010 with consistency. And I got down on myself for not doing that, for failing. But today I realized that I AM finishing December strong. I know you're thinking, "How? You GAINED weight the past two weeks!" but I'm starting to believe that this lesson I'm learning is more important than getting under 330. Not only because it will help me GET under 330, but because I will carry it into the new year with me. I will start 2011 knowing that I can fall and can get back up, and that meeting some weight goal is not as important as learning how to handle yourself in stressful and difficult situations. My life isn't what I wanted it to be, and I'm starting to come to terms with that...and that has put my eating and exercise a little out of whack. But if I can get through this and move on, I'll know that I can do it again when the situation comes up again. In my runs, once I get to the second running segment of the same length, I always tell myself, "You know you can do this. How? Because you've already done it once." and that helps to push me through. So learning this lesson is a little like that. Next time I'm feeling down and I start to turn to food, I'm hoping the turn-around will be much quicker because I'll be able to tell myself, "You know you can do this. How? You did it before!"

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATREAT4ME 1/12/2011 10:52PM

    You are so smart: "meeting some weight goal is not as important as learning how to handle yourself in stressful and difficult situations."


Report Inappropriate Comment
READINESSISALL 12/22/2010 9:21AM

  Thank you so much for sharing. You are doing such a great job! I'm very proud of you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DETERMINED_SOUL 12/22/2010 9:10AM

    Life is about learning lessons...way to go!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNGIRLIE 12/20/2010 10:08PM

    I did C25k W3d1 tonight. I'd read your blog earlier in the day and totally used your motivational self talk while I was doing the second running session. The first 3 minute run seemed easier than I expected, but the second one was rough. I just told myself "I can do this, because I did it before!" It was still rough, but I did it.

Your blogs have been so enjoyable to read during your journey. I love that I can totally relate to so much that you write.

You can do this. You ARE a runner.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAIA2011 12/20/2010 1:46PM

    Yep! Running makes you a runner!

Report Inappropriate Comment
THYCKNSWEET 12/20/2010 1:38PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAVENSONG37 12/20/2010 12:29PM

    I know you can do this Esther.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPUNKYDUCKY 12/20/2010 1:11AM

    Congrats on taking good lessons away from this week and congrats on all of the running you have been doing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUSSELLORAMA 12/19/2010 11:05PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
TIGERJANE 12/19/2010 6:57PM

    omg you are SUCH an amazing writer! You have this way of perfectly transferring thoughts to words, and this blog really spoke to me. We may be at different weights, but I feel like we deal with similar issues and obstacles, and it's reassuring to know others have similar struggles. A few difficult weeks or not, you continue to be a a source of inspiration for me.

And I agree with other commentors - you ARE a runner, own it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
COWCUTTER05 12/19/2010 3:44PM

    Very powerful lessons we all need to learn, thank you for sharing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHICAT63 12/19/2010 2:17PM

    Hmmm, I agree with Mezzoangel you are a runner waiting to be discovered *smile* give yourself credit where credit is due. When myself I started I could barely run 5 minutes, I remember saying to myself: " You are frigging nuts to even try running at 40 year old and this weight". Slowly but surely you will get there - I am totally confident for you !

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 12/19/2010 1:34PM

    You are a success. You are a winner. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RIGBY31 12/19/2010 12:24PM

    Doing something everyday towards your goal is a victory (even if it's just thinking *I shouldn't have this 10th cookie!*). You have a terrific mindset and a big heart.... I like that you aren't tooo hard on yourself. Everyday is a new day, thank goodness!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SARAWALKS 12/19/2010 11:58AM

    "I know you're thinking, 'How? You GAINED weight the past two weeks!'"
NO! NOT thinking that! NOT NOT NOT!
Thinking, pretty good for the holidays, and emoticon evaluation of your overall journey, and emoticon insight into longterm goals.
MUCH more important than a tiny gain which will be gone so quickly!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAMADWARF 12/19/2010 11:43AM

    Have a great day at the movie with the family. I,too, struggle at the movies. Alot of times, I will not get any popcorn because I plan to eat before we go but if Frank gets it, I have to have some. I allow myself 5 handfuls (I figure that is about 3-4 cups), no butter. And I get water cause everyone knows popcorn doesnt taste as good without a big cold soda!
(I also have popped my own 100 calorie bag at home and smuggled it in). On the nutrition tracker, there is AMC movie theater popcorn to help you track what you can eat or what you did eat. I also let Frank hold it so I dont eat as much.

I am learning to separate movies with the snacks, too. I am getting there and we go to the movies alot so it is a valuable lesson for me!!

I wanted to hit my 60 pound loss this weekend. Didnt make it. BUT I havent gained any and I have been baking so I count that as success. I will hit my 60 before christmas and then my plan is to maintain till new years since we are going away. Goal lines can be moved. Sometimes they have to be. Keep on, you are doing awesome.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIMBANN 12/19/2010 11:00AM

    I am glad you're going easy on yourself on this - it's such a tough time of the year. The lessons learned are important ones, as is staying in the game.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CALLIKIA 12/19/2010 10:54AM

    Yeah, I thought about editing that to say, "I'm not the runner I WANT TO BE quite yet." I want to be able to run and feel good after my run. I want to feel strong through. I know there will be times I don't feel it, but I want to get to the point where physical pain doesn't accompany a run.

Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/19/2010 10:51AM

    You totally have this, however I think I need to disagree with you about the running thing. I think you are a runner RIGHT NOW. Want to know why? Because you RUN. It doesn't matter how long or how fast... simply that you are choosing to pursue it. I worked on adopting that mindset early on and _DASH_ gave me the courage to realize it. Own it woman, because you are a RUNNER!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Coming Down

Saturday, December 18, 2010

A big part of yesterday and today for me was accepting that I'm not perfect. That sounds completely ridiculous, but it's 100% true. After losing 80 pounds, I thought I had all the answers. I thought I knew what I was doing for sure. I took a trip for work, and I vowed that I wasn't going to be like everyone else and gain weight while I was away. I was stronger. I was better. I would lose the same 2 pounds or more. I would use every opportunity to eat right and exercise. And while I did use every opportunity to work out, walking everywhere and really making the most of it, while I did eat healthy and in moderation whenever I could, I stepped on the scale when I got back and discovered that I'm just like everyone else...and I gained a pound.

I spent the last week lost. How could I have done all I had known and still fail? Was I doomed to fail in everything? What did I do wrong? What happened?

It's taken me days of talking it out on here, trying to ignore it and move on, trying to forget, trying to give up...and then, this morning, I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling, asking myself all these questions about who I was and what I wanted. I don't have all the answers. I don't even know if I have some of them. What I do know is this -- I didn't do anything wrong.

I just logged my workouts for that week, and I didn't even log it all through Nike from the few times I forgot to set it. What I did end up logging was 490 fitness minutes and 3009 SP calories burned in one week. There is NOTHING wrong with that. And I ate pretty sensibly. Probably had a few too many coffees from Starbucks, and that French dinner was a killer calorie-wise, and Chinese is never the best idea for me - but I did alright, good even. So, all in all, I did exactly what I set out to do. What's more, a burn-out period when I returned is completely understandable.

This week I only logged 105 fitness minutes...just 75 off my goal. And I burned 1304 of the 2230 goal calories I hoped to burn. So this awful week of mine wasn't so awful after all. Even if I get up tomorrow and see 338 on the scale again like I did this morning.

One thing I really need to realize, thing I discovered through all of this is that I need to come back down to reality. I am not better than everyone else. I struggle and strive for greatness just like everyone else. I fail from time to time, and I succeed too.

So after gazing at the ceiling for a few minutes, and after asking myself, "What do you want your day to look like today?" I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, dragged Ethan outside, headed to the gym and ran more than I ever have before in my life. Today I proved to myself that I could run for 5 minutes straight, and for 16 minutes total. I slowed down my pace, but I kept telling myself, "You can go slower, you can turn down the pace, but you CANNOT stop, you CANNOT turn that treadmill off." The first 5 minute run went really well...the second, not so much...but I did it, and I felt pretty proud after. I pushed myself through, got in a tiny ST routine, and then I left telling myself that I had done alright.

I've had enough of feeling sorry for myself.
I've had enough of feeling lost.
I've had enough of thinking I can't.

And I've also had enough of thinking I'm beyond what I am.
I am human.
I laugh, cry, try, succeed and fail just like everyone else.
And my moments of triumph make me no better.
And my moments of failure make me no worse.

I am who I am, and it's time I start figuring out who that is and what that means, beyond what the scale says.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATREAT4ME 1/12/2011 10:46PM

    What great, down-to-earth, realizations! i see you and I benefit from -- and suffer too! -- from the same tenacity (pigheadedness!). We have to watch out for that.

I love how you wrote this:
"And my moments of triumph make me no better.
"And my moments of failure make me no worse."

Very wise to remember. Thanks for the reminder because I needed it today, right now.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KITHKINCAID 12/20/2010 5:17PM

    Girl - you are a RUNNER!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TENACITY129 12/19/2010 9:21AM

    What a wonderful blog! The problem with eating out, and Chinese in particular, is always the sodium, so that alone can make you gain a pound. You exercised and Sparked and didn't forget your goals, despite being away, which is fantastic. The important part is not to give up.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WOWNICESMILE 12/18/2010 11:43PM

    This blog was incredible. It just shows you are human and that every day isn't going to be perfect. But you made progress! So think about all the things that could have went wrong if you weren't on some kind of eating and exercise plan. You did a lot right! Even though the scale isn't showing it, taking some time to analyze it and seeing all you did right is huge progress. And...traveling for work and staying on an eating plan is incredibly hard and you did pretty well!! So don't beat yourself up - celebrate the fact that you did pretty well considering all the challenges that were in front of you. Even better, today you got up and got out there to exercise and do great. You're doing AWESOME!!! xoxo


Report Inappropriate Comment
CALIKIKI 12/18/2010 11:42PM

    80 pounds is amazing! What an accomplishment and an inspiration.

I loved the line: What do you want your day to look like today?

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAMADWARF 12/18/2010 11:37PM

    You are one of the most honest people I know. Thanks for blogging this.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JRZG8R 12/18/2010 11:33PM

    You do have all the answers and you put them to work. You get up and you keep on going. Think on this just over one pint of water equals a pound. How much water do you take in a day? I drink half to over a gallon thats 8.35 pounds every day and zero calories.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHICAT63 12/18/2010 7:48PM

    You ran, you are doing it !!!! Always look forward, you have lost 80 pounds Esther - amazing, you can do it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
EMRANA 12/18/2010 7:31PM

  I am giving you a huge round of applause ~ standing ovation! I loved reading this.

Report Inappropriate Comment
COWCUTTER05 12/18/2010 4:27PM

    Great thoughts, they got me thinking too! Keep up the good work and focus on the positive! Thank you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WILDWESTWOMAN 12/18/2010 3:39PM

    What a great blog! If you've lost 80 lbs, 1 lb in the scheme of things is no biggie, even if it feels like it. AND because you were away and eating in strange places your sodium intake was probably up, so that could be the pound right there. You had a great week! None of us is perfect but you sure did great for being away on business, and you kept up your exercise, which is exemplary!

I especially liked this "what do you want your day to look like?" I am going to borrow that and use it every day before I get out of bed. That is an awesome way to start the day. Thanks for the tip, and thanks for being human. It makes it a heck of a lot better on the rest of us who are, after all, human too.

Ruth emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLITT62 12/18/2010 3:32PM

    I almost always gain when I go away -- and I eat pretty well and I exercise. I've come to the conclusion that it's most likely the sodium from eating out a lot more than usual (cause once a week is the norm for us).

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOGOSHIRE 12/18/2010 3:21PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/18/2010 3:17PM

    Esther, I am so proud of you. For running, for challenging yourself, for striving for more. I am so proud to be your friend.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ERIN1128 12/18/2010 3:07PM

    Can't tell you how much I love your honesty, and how much it helps the rest of us too!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 12/18/2010 2:48PM

    You constantly amaze me with your self reflection and positive attitude. If I could bottle it up and take it out on my bad days I'd have it made. Well, I have the next best thing I can come and read your blog. Thanks for putting yourself out there and sharing. It is not easy to be real and that is what I like most about your blog. It feels real and I can relate. Our weight goals are not the same but the struggle and the journey is very familiar on a lot of levels. May you continue to push toward the prize of good health and strength in all areas of your life.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Right and Wrong

Friday, December 17, 2010

All week I've been on a kick to discover what I've been doing right and what I've been doing wrong. When I got back from DC I weighed in at 335, and I was angry and upset. Why? Because I had put in so much work and, yet, I hadn't seen the results I had been hoping for. And all week I've only done half of what I know is right. As I told MEZZO, I have all the tools I need, but I've only been using half of them...and where has that gotten me? Maintaining.

On Sunday I weighed in at 335.
On Monday it was a low 336.
On Tuesday it was a high 336.
On Wednesday - 337.
On Thursday - 335.
And today? 337 again.

I'm fluctuating between those same 2 pounds up and down, and I know in my heart that I won't likely see lower than 335 on Sunday's weigh in. And I'm trying to remind myself that that is OK. I'm also trying to remind myself that not reaching my goal of being under 330 by Christmas is OK too. Why? Because I know I haven't done what I've needed to do, but I also know that I'm teaching myself a lesson and making myself stronger for the journey ahead. Because, the truth is, I haven't given least not completely.

I haven't been strong this week. On Monday night, I worked out. I didn't do a full work out. I copped out on my ST because I wasn't feeling well. I just did my C25k and went home. And I overate a little that day.

On Tuesday I did a little better. And I dragged myself to Zumba even though I did not want to go. And I went home feeling a little better about myself, but ate a little too much for dinner.

On Wednesday I fell apart a little. I started giving myself the wacky permission to give in to my cravings...and this time they didn't end. Why? Because I didn't have control over myself like I have in the past few months. I let myself go because I was angry, upset and hurt. I received yet another rejection letter for a job, and I let that speak to me about the rejection I had been getting from life in general, and i rejected myself a little.

Yesterday, I let go of everything. I didn't work out. I ate no less than 4 pieces of pizza for lunch. I told myself it was alright because it was snowing endless snow outside and I hadn't packed a lunch, but I know I could have handled the situation in a much more productive manner. There's a CVS down the strip mall from me, and I could have chosen to eat the soup I bought there, light vegetable soup. But I didn't. I gave up and gave in. And when I got off work early, I chose to go home, to eat more throughout the night and not work out at all. I was confused and angry and got yet another rejection letter in the mail. And I fell apart and let myself fall into old habits. I told myself I didn't care anymore...but I did.

All week I've only done things halfway...and I've always hated people who whine about not seeing results when they only do things halfway. So I let myself hate myself for a little bit this morning...and then I took a breath and told myself to STOP.

What are my tools? What worked before? Where have I gone off track?
1) I worked out. Even if it was just the minimum for the day, I did what that minimum was.

2) I stuck to calorie ranges, even if I didn't stick to a fully health-filled diet of good foods. When I started I just ate whatever we had in the house, but I limited myself to my calorie ranges. Lately I've allowed myself some foods I had previously cut out of the majority of my diet, and I ignored the calories...just plain and simple ignored them.

3) I read Spark articles. I let Spark be my guide...but lately (and this is a big one) I got to thinking I knew more than everyone else. I'd lost 80 pounds, so I thought I didn't need the advice anymore. I knew what worked, so I didn't need the support and tools here. I was wrong. Majorly wrong! I don't know where this came from...I've always been the kind of person who said there was always something new to learn, more to know...I never used to let myself think I had all the answers. I don't. I need to bring myself off the pedestal I put myself on, humble myself, and get back to learning again how to make this new life work for me.

4) I logged and blogged everything. All week I've been avoiding my tracker like an idiot. I didn't even log last week all the walking I did (going to try to go back and add that, as I logged most of it on Nike's site). I logged a little of my food, but the rest of the time, I just avoided the thing like the plague. I didn't want to know. I let go of my thought that honesty is the best policy and told myself that I was better off not knowing. WRONG!

5) I found opportunities to move and make good choices. I walked at lunch. I did squats in my office. All I've been doing on breaks lately is sleeping and reading. I feel tired and lethargic, and I attributed that to the snow outside. But yesterday, when I got home from work early, I looked at the winter playground around me and just wanted to play in the run around and enjoy the season. And, you know what? I didn't do it. I let go of the happy feelings and instead gave into the negative ones. Bad move.

So, I guess what I'm saying is...I'm going back to step one in the process. I've lost 80 pounds, and I learned what opportunities were out there for me in the summer months. I learned how to use what was around me to get me where I wanted to go. And then I got a big head and thought I was too special for all that, and then I got a little lost when the snow hit the ground. So it's a winter restart for me.

Spark Diet - Step 1:
6 Fast Break Strategies

1) Do you know what you're eating? TRACK everything!
2) Finding the time - Learn what habits can fit into a realistic day.
3) Setting up shop - Reorganize your kitchen to prevent temptation, promote convenience and purchase wisely.
4) Site Tricks & Tips - Learn how to use to your advantage!
5) Keeping Goals Top of Mind - Create a vision collage.
6) Which diet strategies will work for you? - Go over your Spark program and set it up to make it work for you.

I'm going back to the beginning. I'm going to learn how to restart with this new body I've made for myself and discover what makes IT tick. Sure, most of it will be the same, but there could be some changes too. I gotta keep rolling with it, accepting my new self, and moving on from there. As RAVENSONG said, it's time for a reboot.

1 - I will track everything and measure, measure, measure!
2 - I will find time to workout every day, even if just for 10 minutes.
3 - I will make a list for shopping this weekend, and do a little batch cooking to fill any holes.
4 - I will rediscover Spark. There are still some parts of this site that I just don't get.
5 - I will rediscover my goals, write them down, and post them in front of my scale.
6 - And I will go over my Spark plan and make sure it's right for what I need right now.

Here we go again!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAVENSONG37 12/20/2010 12:27PM

    I love your re-commitment, but I also want to point out all the stuff you were STILL doing RIGHT. You are still on the right path hon. I love you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKLINGVIOLET 12/18/2010 12:29PM

    I'm doing the same thing right now. Starting at the basics. Good luck!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RIGBY31 12/18/2010 11:35AM

    "..I haven't given up, at least not completely". My goodness, this is my situation now too. Because of your blog I looked back on my week (ouch) and when the list grewgrewgrew, well now no mystery. I just have to regroup, get back at it. Thank you for showing me this.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOGOSHIRE 12/18/2010 11:06AM

    What's kinda of neat about this week is now you know for a fact that as long as you work out (even if you're not at 100%), you can pretty much eat what you want without gaining. That's awesome knowledge to have. And the flipside is true, too - as long as you eat right, even if you miss your workouts, you'll maintain. To lose, you need both, but you know that, and your plan looks awesome.

Don't be discouraged, Esther, and when you are at goal weight, this will be a great blog to go back to so that you can remind yourself that having 4 slices of pizza for lunch isn't going to set you back as long as you have done your Zumba and some C25k ( or whatever your cardio is at that point).

You are really awesome, you know that?


Report Inappropriate Comment
SHEILA1505 12/18/2010 1:48AM

    This will work!
I'm going to apply it to myself, too :)
Getting complacent isn't going to help anyone and you've given me the nudge I needed - going back to square one just has to be the answer. Start again at today's numbers and get that Spark lit properly or rather, in my case, give it a little oxygen so it can ignite and shine brightly


Report Inappropriate Comment
TRANSFORMWE 12/17/2010 11:32PM

    Great job. And getting a rejection is hard, so allow yourself to FEEL sad, angry, whatever comes up, and let the emotion move on out and through you without numbing it with food. Way to go in working through what's been going on for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITMARY 12/17/2010 8:48PM

    The one good thing about getting off track is that you have new commitment and new energy to try again. And you clearly have that renewed sense of commitment and so, weird as it may sound, it's a good thing that you let it all go for a while, cuz you'll be so much stronger this time around. I wouldn't sweat the fluctuation of a couple pounds either. Look at the bigger picture for a while. You'll start losing consistently again. Just hang in there. Do what works. And DON'T GIVE UP!

Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/17/2010 8:44PM

    Oh yes, and emoticon I sent you my email address in Facebook mail. As soon as you send me a copy of your resume/cover letter, I'll look it over and give you some feedback!

Comment edited on: 12/17/2010 8:51:46 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/17/2010 8:44PM

    Ok, first of all I have no idea how I got unsubscribed from your blog. Second of all, how much do I relate to this entire post? I've never really given full thought to the amount of stress everyone is under during the holidays, because I've always just numbed the stress and chaos with food. This holiday, I'm just stressed. ARGH! Sometimes it seems like you can't win, right? I'm fighting 6 pounds at the moment. WTF is that about? Well... it's probably that I'm not eating breakfast, or healthy snacks, and missing regular meals.. and barely getting enough water. Hmm. I guess it's more of a "Hi, you are a dumb*ss Paula." :) Live and learn, right?

I've also been justifying the cravings for whatever reason. I don't like it and want to stop. Thank you for continuing to share your story, it gives me strength.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ERIN1128 12/17/2010 6:15PM

    You go, girl!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ATREAT4ME 12/17/2010 6:08PM

    Hooray! WTG! I love your Frank assessment and how you keep yourself honest. Excellent job.

Report Inappropriate Comment
RUSSELLORAMA 12/17/2010 12:13PM

    It's easy to feel like an expert when you've been so successful! I'm right there with you and there's no better time than RIGHT NOW to rekindle your spark.

Report Inappropriate Comment
_TRIXIE_ 12/17/2010 11:30AM

    I'm sorry to hear about the letter in the mail; what a crappy way to top off the day.

But each day you get a do-over. You can't erase what happened, but you have all the power you need to make sure you don't repeat it. Good luck with the reboot. I've done it before and I know I will do it again. Sometimes, you get so lost in the journey that you need to reign it all in and reassess. It's a great practice, I hope it works for you!

And next time, go play in the snow, hon! Show your kids that you can have fun outside in the winter!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ABETTERCHERYL 12/17/2010 11:23AM

    Yes, yes, yes! You were doing so good while you were in DC and you were getting incredible mileage in but if you weren't happy, you weren't happy. Get back to the basics and give yourself a fresh start and you are going to find that spark in you again. I'm here if you need to talk!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 12/17/2010 11:05AM

    Sounds like you are right on track for getting back into the swing of things that work for you. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 Last Page