Thursday, December 23, 2010
While I've been a whirlwind of emotion lately, and even though I'm sore all over and forced into a rest day today from a badly pulled hip injury, my mood today is light and bright and cheery. Why? you ask. Well, because I have a plan!
I love making plans. It's probably one of my most favorite things to do. I'm a girl with a to do list that includes "make a to do list" on it. I'm the one with the vacation binders, planned out vacations with budgets of the money allowances for each day and the planned activities for family and friends and I. I'm the girl that doesn't feel ready unless I have a plan B, C and D in place - my own version of "expect the unexpected" is "plan for the unexpected."
So, the other day, while my mind was a wreck, I thought to myself, "What better way to bring me out of this funk, then to make plans for the new year?" And I did. And it was GOOD! *lol*
I started by simply making a list. In English classes, we call it brainstorming or freewriting. You don't edit. Every crazy thing you can think of goes on the list...you can weed out the bad seeds later. I wrote down everything. Things I wanted to accomplish. Stuff I wanted to try. Stuff I wanted for myself (like rewards). I just kept writing. Weight goals. Fitness goals. Goals for new activities to try. Clothing size goals, dreams, thoughts. All of it went down on paper.
I let that sit for a few days, adding here and there, and then I remembered this wonderful poster board I had bought at the store for a new vision collage.
I wanted a new vision collage because the old one just wasn't doing it for me anymore. But the poster board sat there for a long time, because my motivation and my ideas of what could be were just ...not here. I tried, I really did. I cut out things from magazines, but I just wasn't feeling it...
So once I had my goals all laid out, I started making my calendars for each month...much like ABETTERCHERYL did. Much like Cher, I like to plan with a goal, or a thought in mind for the month. Whether it's simply something like "consistency" or it's more thought out, I like to have a focus word for my workouts and my meals.
Problem was, I wasn't going to plan what I would do in April as far as workouts and such, because I had no clue what my body would be ready for by then...so I had to back peddle a little bit. I completed January's calendar and then went through and labeled each month with a thought that meant something for that month, and that went pretty well. I let that sit for a few days before I finally realized that I had to split this up. I obviously couldn't complete some of my goals in the winter, and I didn't want to wait too long and then spend my time scrambling to see what I could complete by the end of the year. So this is what happened...
I figured the easiest thing to do was to split the year into equal parts. Four segments of 3 months each (you only see parts 2-4 here...you'll get part 1 later on), all generally centered around one season/one general climate and weather condition.
Part one - January through March is the end of winter and the beginning of Spring type temps.
Part two - April through June is full on Spring weather, getting warmer.
Part three - July through September are those scorching summer months.
Part four - October through December is when the weather changes and we have to start moving indoors again.
These segments seemed more manageable than tackling a full year head on. About 90 days each, much like a rehab-type program. And that's what I'm doing...I'm rehabing my life.
I started to realize that from what I had written down, one thing was clear - I wanted adventure! I wanted to try all those things I never thought I could or should. I wanted to scare myself a little. I wanted to challenge myself. The weight goals were only important if they opened a new door (like the weight limit of 290 for canopy ziplining here in WV). 2011 was going to be my year of new. My challenges to myself. My journey to find out who I really was, what I really liked, and what in the world brings me joy.
I got all this from reading more of my Winning After Losing book. One of the goals in the book is to start to love the world - to find things that bring you joy and pleasure that DO NOT include food. What do I love? Who am I? How can I enjoy my new life, this new-found freedom that comes from losing 80 pounds (and more to come)? For once, I'm opening doors and walking through them, not standing outside looking in the window and wondering what it would be like. I might love some things and I might hate others...but the true goal is to find out what interests me without considering my weight restrictions (and the restrictions I place on myself because I believe my weight will make me look "strange" to others I might encounter doing the same things).
So I've dubbed 2011 - The Year of Adventures!
I was talking to one of my best friends about this and we (I) decided that this year we're going to scare ourselves a little. I'm all set to do these on my own, but I think it might be fun to have some company along the way. My thought is to do one thing a month that scares us, at least a little...and do more if we have time. And I hope to scrapbook and blog the entire journey along the way! (I'm emailing a guy today about a private boxing lesson for the two of us next month! SO fun! No sparring, just technical boxing and such so we can get a workout and learn the techniques I can take to the gym with me on my own.)
So this is one of the finished posters - part one of 2011. I left the others in pencils, just in case I need to swap out plans here and there. We never know what could happen or where I'll be just months from now. I'm learning more and more that the more time I devote to myself, the more changes I seem to see...and having a plan B in place is my super-duper important steadying thought...always! *lol*
First off, I listed 11 goals for each part of the year. (11 for 2011! :) )
Next to that, I listed the reward I will give myself if I achieve that goal. (I have to say, this is still one of the hardest ones for me, but I'm challenging myself to do this as well.)
1. Log 90 Miles (equals one mile a day) -- * 3 New CDs
2. Lose 20 Pounds -- *Mani/pedi
3. Complete Couch 2 5k Program -- *New running shoes
4. Finish 2 Races -- * Magazine subscription
5. Complete 30 Day Shred -- * New fitness DVD
6. Finish "Winning After Losing" -- * The Spark book
7. Read 3 Books (including 1 for research) -- * Kindle audio book
8. Do 1-minute plank -- * Kettleball w/DVD
9. Log 3,900 Fitness Minutes -- * New workout outfit
10. Attend 20 Zumba classes -- * Zumba gear
11. Fit into size 24 jeans -- * New power outfit
Next, I listed the little words I put on my calendar for the three months.
... it's a new year and a new you! Start at Step 1 and build a solid foundation.
... learn how to love the world, not food. And always, always, always love yourself!
... count your blessings, including the amazing support of old friends, new friends, and family.
This is what my calendars say:
January - It's a New Year and a New You! Start at Step 1!
February - Love the World and Yourself
March - Count Your Blessings
Thankfully, there was room to really expand upon those a little on the poster.
And finally, a quote to close out the whole 3 months. Something for me to remember when I walk out the door to go to the gym, or whenever my courage is failing me. This one is the one I shared yesterday with all of you in my blog. Love it!
I'm starting my year off with a plan, because I never was really good with spontaneity (maybe that's something else I'll work on!). Plus, I have found that having plans and goals keeps me on track, even if I don't hit all my goals, just knowing they're there push me to work harder than if I just accepted this as any other day.
Just thinking about all the things I've accomplished this year that are completely new to me - tennis, 5ks, 10ks, running, Zumba, hiking, boxing, line dancing, pilates, yoga. All things for years I told myself I couldn't do. Things I really couldn't do at first because I was so out of shape. I worked myself into them. And if that's what I did when not even trying, what can I do when I set out to really challenge myself? What can I do now that I'm in the best shape of my adult life? The sky is the limit, and I'm totally ready for the adventure!!
Anybody want to take an adventure with me?!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
As those who follow my blogs have gotten to see, I've spent the last week and a half or so in utter chaos. My self-control flew right out the window. I was trying my best to stay on task, but my focus was gone and I couldn't keep it going for very long. I still worked out 3 days last week, but it did nothing to really improve my mood. I ate good when I felt that control, but then it all went to hell and I was back to eating whatever I wanted, whenever, and however much. I didn't care. That's what I told myself in those moments. I was too tired to fight anymore. I wanted what I wanted and I didn't care about the consequences.
Each day I woke up thinking, "Okay, restart...let's try this again." I had a few days where I had a few good hours, but it mostly fell apart by the time I got home. I cried at random. I cried until it hurt and then, at times, I refused to cry. I didn't know what was wrong, even though I tried and tried to narrow it down. I'm still not even really sure where the rock came that made me stumble and fall, but I'm starting to think it was more like a collection of little rocks, little things that were bothering me, scaring me, or things I had held back on dealing with. One of them would have easily been stepped on, forgotten and moved on from...but the mass amount build-up of so many little things created a disaster zone, and I had no real hope of doing anything but what I did...trying to make it through, and falling over and over again as I tried to get up.
On Sunday I vowed that I was done. I wrote a beautiful blog about what I was learning from my fall from grace, and that helped keep me on track for about three hours. At the movie, I ate lots of popcorn. And later, I think there was pizza. A LOT of pizza.
On Monday, I went to work like always. As I was getting out of my car, I looked up at the building and said, "Okay, Esther. Enough. This is it. This may be as good as it's ever going to get, and you need to learn how to live with that." And I cried a little inside my heart, gathered my belongings and tried to have a good day. I went to the gym later and felt like a zombie. I had no plan. I was like a blind person stumbling through. I saw a girl from Yoga class in the locker room. "I've missed this class so much!" she said excitedly. I smiled and echoed her sentiment, and followed her upstairs, and got out a mat and started class. And I grumbled in my head all the way through it. I don't remember the last time I used the word "hate" so much in one hour, except maybe when I was like 16 and hated everything and everyone for a while. I couldn't focus. I stayed in class and did every move until it was complete, but I didn't really care. I couldn't even lay still in corpse pose!
After Yoga I got on the elliptical and started hating on the girl next to me. (She is rather rude and annoying, as I was witness to one of her outbursts one night as a Pilates class used the area SHE wanted to work out in and she started saying things like, "This is stupid! Why don't you people move and let me do some REAL exercise!" Her boyfriend (i'm assuming) tried to quiet her, but she wasn't having it, even though they knew I could hear them (i wasn't in the class...I haven't been back since that first one) "What?" she said. "I don't care! They're just stretching! It's stupid!" I struggled with two thoughts in that moment, "Holy CRAP! Just stretching?! I would wager you have never tried that JUST STRETCHING there!" and "OMG! She thinks it's completely stupid and I wasn't even able to do it...I must REALLY suck!"....that was another one of those pebbles I talked about earlier.)
After 33 minutes on the elliptical at a pretty high intensity (for me...biatch next to me was pedaling like her friggin' mini shorts were on fire!), I did a few laps walking around the gym, and then did a lap of running. I was testing my hip, that's been hurting since I did Week 4, Day 1 last Saturday (another pebble). I went home and told myself I'd done good...but I didn't friggin' care. I ate and ate...and when that didn't work, I made Hubs go get me more cigs (I've been trying to stop smoking...another pebble) and a Big Mac and Fries from McD's...at 10:30pm! And I ate every bite, even though while he was gone I questioned myself because I knew I was already full. (That full feeling left when the food came...)
Tuesday morning I woke up and actually blurted out loud, "Okay, Esther. ENOUGH! You've had your fun...if that's what you're calling it. Now stop!" My stomach hurt. I had already admitted to Hubs the night before that I shouldn't have had the McD's. I knew better and I did it anyways. Stupid. I had a pretty good day. I skipped breakfast because I wasn't feeling well, but ate some oatmeal when I got to work. I felt in a better mood, and suddenly started making plans for the new year. I wasn't sure why, but everything felt a little easier to imagine in my head...and I just rode that wave all day.
After work I headed to the gym, and then talked myself into a detour to my son's school, where I hoped to meet his basketball coach. When I stopped at home to pee and saw my three boys sitting there, I admitted to Hubs that I had the strong urge to skip the gym and just go get something to eat with them, but that I didn't want to actually skip the gym. I looked at the clock. 5:30pm. "You know," I told him, all crafty like, "Zumba doesn't start until 7pm..."
I ate Ponderosa last night. Yes, I went to a buffet before I went to work out, but I ate in moderation because I did not want to be in physical pain from being stuffed throughout my entire workout. I indulged a bit, but I kept it reasonable. I felt myself regaining control little by little. And I soared in Zumba class after my instructor announced to everyone that I had won our Biggest Loser challenge by losing 12.5 inches overall in 8 weeks. And then she asked how much weight I had lost, and I went ahead and told them 80 pounds, even though I knew I was up a few from that. And everyone cheered and congratulated me and I had the balls to simply THANK THEM without shrugging it off as nothing.
Later that night, I had one brief thought about eating a cookie or something, but I stuck to a simple after-workout snack of my missed breakfast from the morning, and then had some Candy Cane Lane decaf tea and went to bed around 11pm.
This morning, I felt SO SORE in my body, but SO STRONG in my mind and spirit. I'm slowing returning to stable ground. I'm slowly getting my feet back under me...and I'm looking out for those pebbles, because I know that I'm sore and bruised right now. I'm not in the best shape. I don't have my invincible attitude anymore...I have to build that up again. But while I'm scared that I'll fall down again (a reason I wasn't here yesterday...I was trying so hard to focus and to not say something I wasn't going to do..I wanted to have one day of OKAY or even GOOD behind me before I tried to say anything else), I'm here. I'm showing up.
I spent the day putting together posters for my 2011 goals (which I'll share later). Four posters, splitting the year into 3-month segments, basically in seasons/season transitions....each with 11 goals for those 3 months, and 11 rewards for those goals. I've got a little more bounce in my step today. A little more shine in my shoes. I'm not going to get cocky again, I just want to stay proud and strong so that this new foundation I'm building is even better than the last one. I'm thinking of it like this quote I found today....
"Never worry about the delay in success because construction of wonders takes more time than ordinary building." -Vipin
Tonight I have my Week 4, Day 2 run scheduled from C25k. I have to say, I'm still very nervous. My hip is still a little sore, and I don't know how that will work out in the run. But for right now, I refuse to use that as an excuse to not try. I will work through it, alter my form if need be, and simply try to make it through my run steady and slow. And, if it pulls or feels too uncomfortable, I'll do something else. I'll walk a 5k or get back on the elliptical. As for the regularly scheduled ST tonight, I may skip it but I'm just not sure... First of all, I don't want to overwork the hip, but it is probably good to work it some. On the other hand, I've done yoga and some Zumba toning in the past 2 days (including a LOT of leg and hip work last night!) and I may need to give it some real rest. We'll play it by ear, but I will vow to myself right now to work out at least 30 minutes tonight, and to shoot for 45, whatever I end up doing.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Last Week: 335.4
Goal this week: 333.4
Actual Weight: 337.0
So I gained overall this week...and it's all due to my eating habits, and I know it.
But do you know what else I gained this week?
The knowledge that even "bad" days can teach me things I need to learn about what to do to make my goals.
The knowledge that failing at a certain goal isn't the end of the world. Today is a new day, and the start of a new week.
The knowledge that I can run for 5 minutes straight...combined with the knowledge that I still need ST to strengthen my hips. My hip hurt BAD yesterday, but it feels a lot better today. All along I kept thinking, "My hip still needs strength...I'm not done yet. I'm not a runner quite yet..."
The support of SparkFriends who understand that I'm not perfect, and that being an "inspiration" doesn't mean I always do what I know is right, sometimes it's falling, scraping your knee, getting back up, and limping your way to the finish line.
The knowledge that the scale does not define who I am as a person. This week I have also been a great mother and a good wife. I have triumphed in the gym, I have suffered through workouts I didn't want to do or even go to. I have (mostly) finished all my Christmas shopping and have made this holiday an amazing one for my boys (seriously, they are going to be spoiled rotten!! *lol*).
The realization that holidays are a very stressful time, even when you think you've got it all made. I wasn't worried about Christmas, but I should have been. I should have made a plan to get through this holiday like I did to get through Thanksgiving. I didn't understand that the talk and look of holiday sweets would still get to me, so maybe I need to make a plan to indulge in a cookie here or there without letting myself have blanket permission to eat whatever I want.
Goals for next week:
Weight: 335 or lower
Workouts: Workout at least 4 days this week
Monday - C25k W4D2 (maybe! If the hip feels good) and/or Yoga class and ST
Tuesday - Line dancing or Zumba class
Wednesday - C25k W4D3 and ST
Thursday - Line dancing or Zumba or elliptical
Friday - C25k W5D1 or elliptical and ST...I hope! Going to have to get up early because my gym is closing at noon!
Saturday - OFF
Weeks ago I set what I call "guilt-free rest days" on my iPhone calendar. I get one every few months, and last time I ignored the thing and worked out anyhow. But there's another one coming up...on Christmas Day, no less...so I'm going to try to give myself that one and just enjoy the day with family.
Nutrition: Stay around 1800 calories
I've been so hungry lately, and then when I'm not hungry, I've been craving food. So instead of setting strict nutrition goals this week, I'm going to just reign in my calories. 1800 calories. It doesn't matter where they come from, but when I get there I need to just stop. I can do that...I know because I've done it before and did it for months!
I know I had this problem before when I was running, and that time I just gave in and stopped. But this time, I want it much more. I want to be able to run. I want to complete C25K so I can RUN my 5ks next year. I want to show myself that I can do it, I can run while chubby, as Karvy says. So this time I'm not giving up on the running, but, instead, I'm going to work on figuring out what exactly my body needs to fuel and recover from my runs. It's going to be difficult, I think, but I need to figure it out now, or risk always giving up on myself and my ability to run...and I just can't stomach that anymore.
And one final challenge to myself...
Today Hubs wants to go to the movies to see Tron. My goal is to get through the movie without any more than two handfuls of popcorn. I need to learn that these two things don't have to go together. I need to understand that a movie CAN be enjoyed without also enjoying popcorn, soda and candy. This is a huge lesson for me, because, even as a kid, when we went to the movies, the treats were a big part of it, usually because we were so poor that we were denied what we really wanted and had to substitute what we could afford (usually meant sneaking food in our purses). When I became an adult, I started getting popcorn every time, even when I wasn't hungry, just because I could. It's time to break this rebellious habit and move on to healthier ones - like simply enjoying watching a movie with my kids.
I got on myself the other day about not finishing this year strong. It was a goal of mine to just blaze through December without a care in the world, to keep losing and show myself I could finish 2010 with consistency. And I got down on myself for not doing that, for failing. But today I realized that I AM finishing December strong. I know you're thinking, "How? You GAINED weight the past two weeks!" but I'm starting to believe that this lesson I'm learning is more important than getting under 330. Not only because it will help me GET under 330, but because I will carry it into the new year with me. I will start 2011 knowing that I can fall and can get back up, and that meeting some weight goal is not as important as learning how to handle yourself in stressful and difficult situations. My life isn't what I wanted it to be, and I'm starting to come to terms with that...and that has put my eating and exercise a little out of whack. But if I can get through this and move on, I'll know that I can do it again when the situation comes up again. In my runs, once I get to the second running segment of the same length, I always tell myself, "You know you can do this. How? Because you've already done it once." and that helps to push me through. So learning this lesson is a little like that. Next time I'm feeling down and I start to turn to food, I'm hoping the turn-around will be much quicker because I'll be able to tell myself, "You know you can do this. How? You did it before!"
Saturday, December 18, 2010
A big part of yesterday and today for me was accepting that I'm not perfect. That sounds completely ridiculous, but it's 100% true. After losing 80 pounds, I thought I had all the answers. I thought I knew what I was doing for sure. I took a trip for work, and I vowed that I wasn't going to be like everyone else and gain weight while I was away. I was stronger. I was better. I would lose the same 2 pounds or more. I would use every opportunity to eat right and exercise. And while I did use every opportunity to work out, walking everywhere and really making the most of it, while I did eat healthy and in moderation whenever I could, I stepped on the scale when I got back and discovered that I'm just like everyone else...and I gained a pound.
I spent the last week lost. How could I have done all I had known and still fail? Was I doomed to fail in everything? What did I do wrong? What happened?
It's taken me days of talking it out on here, trying to ignore it and move on, trying to forget, trying to give up...and then, this morning, I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling, asking myself all these questions about who I was and what I wanted. I don't have all the answers. I don't even know if I have some of them. What I do know is this -- I didn't do anything wrong.
I just logged my workouts for that week, and I didn't even log it all through Nike from the few times I forgot to set it. What I did end up logging was 490 fitness minutes and 3009 SP calories burned in one week. There is NOTHING wrong with that. And I ate pretty sensibly. Probably had a few too many coffees from Starbucks, and that French dinner was a killer calorie-wise, and Chinese is never the best idea for me - but I did alright, good even. So, all in all, I did exactly what I set out to do. What's more, a burn-out period when I returned is completely understandable.
This week I only logged 105 fitness minutes...just 75 off my goal. And I burned 1304 of the 2230 goal calories I hoped to burn. So this awful week of mine wasn't so awful after all. Even if I get up tomorrow and see 338 on the scale again like I did this morning.
One thing I really need to realize, though...one thing I discovered through all of this is that I need to come back down to reality. I am not better than everyone else. I struggle and strive for greatness just like everyone else. I fail from time to time, and I succeed too.
So after gazing at the ceiling for a few minutes, and after asking myself, "What do you want your day to look like today?" I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, dragged Ethan outside, headed to the gym and ran more than I ever have before in my life. Today I proved to myself that I could run for 5 minutes straight, and for 16 minutes total. I slowed down my pace, but I kept telling myself, "You can go slower, you can turn down the pace, but you CANNOT stop, you CANNOT turn that treadmill off." The first 5 minute run went really well...the second, not so much...but I did it, and I felt pretty proud after. I pushed myself through, got in a tiny ST routine, and then I left telling myself that I had done alright.
I've had enough of feeling sorry for myself.
I've had enough of feeling lost.
I've had enough of thinking I can't.
And I've also had enough of thinking I'm beyond what I am.
I am human.
I laugh, cry, try, succeed and fail just like everyone else.
And my moments of triumph make me no better.
And my moments of failure make me no worse.
I am who I am, and it's time I start figuring out who that is and what that means, beyond what the scale says.
Friday, December 17, 2010
All week I've been on a kick to discover what I've been doing right and what I've been doing wrong. When I got back from DC I weighed in at 335, and I was angry and upset. Why? Because I had put in so much work and, yet, I hadn't seen the results I had been hoping for. And all week I've only done half of what I know is right. As I told MEZZO, I have all the tools I need, but I've only been using half of them...and where has that gotten me? Maintaining.
On Sunday I weighed in at 335.
On Monday it was a low 336.
On Tuesday it was a high 336.
On Wednesday - 337.
On Thursday - 335.
And today? 337 again.
I'm fluctuating between those same 2 pounds up and down, and I know in my heart that I won't likely see lower than 335 on Sunday's weigh in. And I'm trying to remind myself that that is OK. I'm also trying to remind myself that not reaching my goal of being under 330 by Christmas is OK too. Why? Because I know I haven't done what I've needed to do, but I also know that I'm teaching myself a lesson and making myself stronger for the journey ahead. Because, the truth is, I haven't given up...at least not completely.
I haven't been strong this week. On Monday night, I worked out. I didn't do a full work out. I copped out on my ST because I wasn't feeling well. I just did my C25k and went home. And I overate a little that day.
On Tuesday I did a little better. And I dragged myself to Zumba even though I did not want to go. And I went home feeling a little better about myself, but ate a little too much for dinner.
On Wednesday I fell apart a little. I started giving myself the wacky permission to give in to my cravings...and this time they didn't end. Why? Because I didn't have control over myself like I have in the past few months. I let myself go because I was angry, upset and hurt. I received yet another rejection letter for a job, and I let that speak to me about the rejection I had been getting from life in general, and i rejected myself a little.
Yesterday, I let go of everything. I didn't work out. I ate no less than 4 pieces of pizza for lunch. I told myself it was alright because it was snowing endless snow outside and I hadn't packed a lunch, but I know I could have handled the situation in a much more productive manner. There's a CVS down the strip mall from me, and I could have chosen to eat the soup I bought there, light vegetable soup. But I didn't. I gave up and gave in. And when I got off work early, I chose to go home, to eat more throughout the night and not work out at all. I was confused and angry and got yet another rejection letter in the mail. And I fell apart and let myself fall into old habits. I told myself I didn't care anymore...but I did.
All week I've only done things halfway...and I've always hated people who whine about not seeing results when they only do things halfway. So I let myself hate myself for a little bit this morning...and then I took a breath and told myself to STOP.
What are my tools? What worked before? Where have I gone off track?
1) I worked out. Even if it was just the minimum for the day, I did what that minimum was.
2) I stuck to calorie ranges, even if I didn't stick to a fully health-filled diet of good foods. When I started I just ate whatever we had in the house, but I limited myself to my calorie ranges. Lately I've allowed myself some foods I had previously cut out of the majority of my diet, and I ignored the calories...just plain and simple ignored them.
3) I read Spark articles. I let Spark be my guide...but lately (and this is a big one) I got to thinking I knew more than everyone else. I'd lost 80 pounds, so I thought I didn't need the advice anymore. I knew what worked, so I didn't need the support and tools here. I was wrong. Majorly wrong! I don't know where this came from...I've always been the kind of person who said there was always something new to learn, more to know...I never used to let myself think I had all the answers. I don't. I need to bring myself off the pedestal I put myself on, humble myself, and get back to learning again how to make this new life work for me.
4) I logged and blogged everything. All week I've been avoiding my tracker like an idiot. I didn't even log last week all the walking I did (going to try to go back and add that, as I logged most of it on Nike's site). I logged a little of my food, but the rest of the time, I just avoided the thing like the plague. I didn't want to know. I let go of my thought that honesty is the best policy and told myself that I was better off not knowing. WRONG!
5) I found opportunities to move and make good choices. I walked at lunch. I did squats in my office. All I've been doing on breaks lately is sleeping and reading. I feel tired and lethargic, and I attributed that to the snow outside. But yesterday, when I got home from work early, I looked at the winter playground around me and just wanted to play in the snow...to run around and enjoy the season. And, you know what? I didn't do it. I let go of the happy feelings and instead gave into the negative ones. Bad move.
So, I guess what I'm saying is...I'm going back to step one in the process. I've lost 80 pounds, and I learned what opportunities were out there for me in the summer months. I learned how to use what was around me to get me where I wanted to go. And then I got a big head and thought I was too special for all that, and then I got a little lost when the snow hit the ground. So it's a winter restart for me.
Spark Diet - Step 1:
6 Fast Break Strategies
1) Do you know what you're eating? TRACK everything!
2) Finding the time - Learn what habits can fit into a realistic day.
3) Setting up shop - Reorganize your kitchen to prevent temptation, promote convenience and purchase wisely.
4) Site Tricks & Tips - Learn how to use SparkPeople.com to your advantage!
5) Keeping Goals Top of Mind - Create a vision collage.
6) Which diet strategies will work for you? - Go over your Spark program and set it up to make it work for you.
I'm going back to the beginning. I'm going to learn how to restart with this new body I've made for myself and discover what makes IT tick. Sure, most of it will be the same, but there could be some changes too. I gotta keep rolling with it, accepting my new self, and moving on from there. As RAVENSONG said, it's time for a reboot.
1 - I will track everything and measure, measure, measure!
2 - I will find time to workout every day, even if just for 10 minutes.
3 - I will make a list for shopping this weekend, and do a little batch cooking to fill any holes.
4 - I will rediscover Spark. There are still some parts of this site that I just don't get.
5 - I will rediscover my goals, write them down, and post them in front of my scale.
6 - And I will go over my Spark plan and make sure it's right for what I need right now.
Here we go again!
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