Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Last night I watched Eat Pray Love. It's a beautiful movie, but not exactly "amazing," as I had expected. Beautifully shot, beautifully acted, a beautiful script, but it was predictable...and I haven't even read the book. Still, there is the beauty factor, and plenty of great lines throughout the movie to keep me interested. (I'm a writer, when a line hits the heartstrings, I feel touched...a good script can do amazing things to a movie.)
Lines like this one:
"Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic, it's just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."
But there was also this theme running through it about forgiving yourself and not being so hard on yourself. There's even a part where they talk about how Americans feel the need to do something in order to EARN a break. And, if just for a moment, I got defensive.
You see, I made myself earn that movie. I was nearly home last night. I had decided to skip the gym. I was giving into the me that wanted to go home and clean and watch Castle episodes and just be with my family. And then, after coming out of a quick stop at Advance, I checked the Redbox app, because I remembered it was Tuesday and time for new releases. Eat Pray Love was number one, and I've been waiting for so long to see it. I quickly reserved a copy and then this voice popped into my head...
"You know, if you really want that movie, you're going to have to earn it first."
What? Where did that come from? Even more surprising was my response:
Really? I know I have to earn this movie? Am I kidding me? But in my head the connections I made went so fast that I simply flew past them.
1) The Redbox is right across the street from the gym.
2) I was turning back toward town, and it would be stupid not to just stop at the gym while I was there...because I no longer had the excuse that I didn't want to go back to town.
3) Wednesday's exercise is going to be iffy, at best. No time, so there's not a real chance of devoting yourself 100% to it.
4) My gym bag was right next to me in the seat.
5) I would feel awful later if I realized I wasted a night in which there was a perfect opportunity to work out.
6) Line dancing was starting in about 25 minutes...and line dancing is fun.
So I headed to the gym, I changed into my workout gear, I grabbed a towel and my water bottle, and I headed upstairs. I walked 4 laps around the track, and ran 2 before stretching before class. I felt warmed up and ready to go. And an hour later I felt wonderful! Line dancing was fun! I was lighter on my feet this time. I hopped and bounced and shook my booty with the best of them...and I had burned a good bit of calories in the process. I had earned my movie.
And then, while watching the movie I made myself earn, I'm being told how silly and wrong it is to feel the need to earn things. I kept hearing these lessons in my head coming from the screen, like this gem...
* No man will turn a naked woman away just because she has a little pudge. Living a life of restrictive diet and calorie counting is exhausting, eating to fill your heart and soul is freeing.
Truth is, I've gone backwards on Liz's quest. While she learned how to eat in a more forgiving and taste-driven manner, I lived that way for years. I was always eating whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, whatever tasted good to me. I didn't care about my size or my jeans getting tight. And now? Now I'm feeding my body the fuel it needs. I'm learning how to use food as a tool to survive. I still enjoy it, I still want to eat great food - but my idea of great food has changed. Those cheeseburgers at McD's look nasty and greasy now, and they likely taste the same. But a bowl full of roasted vegetables in olive oil and spices is like heaven! Somehow, this change in eating whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, and less processed foods, has led me to feel more connected with the universe. I, too, am having a relationship with my pizza - my whole wheat, feta cheese, spinach and mushroom pizza.
So, yes, I make myself earn it...and after thinking about the conflicting idea of that and the ideas represented in the movie, I realize that this is a step that needs to be learned as well. In the past, I didn't think I deserved anything. And now? I earn things in order to find some sort of happy balance in my soul and self-worth. I've done good by my body by working out and making a healthy dinner (whole wheat fettucine in a chicken and broccoli alfredo from SparkRecipes = yum! --- add a bit of salt and pepper though). And movies do my mind and spirit good because of the deep emotional connections I form with the words and the pictures on the screen. They keep me in touch with my emotions and fill my heart with thoughts of betterment. In my opinion, my quest and journey is about learning to earn it. And that's what I plan to continue doing.
I'm going to earn my Thanksgiving lunch favorites, like the sinful cheesy potatoes, by maintaining portion control, and starting my day right - with C25K W1D2.
If I want a sweet dessert, I will earn that by taking a walk after my meal with my family, and letting the food I've already consumed settle and digest. There is no reason I have to eat dessert immediately following the consumption of lunch or dinner. I tend to wait an hour or two now, and I drink a lot of water in between - another way for me to earn it.
So...do you have the "you gotta earn it" mentality or not?
Monday, November 22, 2010
I had every intention of sleeping in yesterday...but I didn't.
I had every intention of just taking a leisurely stroll...but I didn't.
I had every intention of exercising this evening...but I didn't.
Sometimes our intentions weigh us down. Having the best intentions when eating out, when making food at home, deciding whether or not to eat that last piece of pumpkin pie. Those intentions can lead to big stress and, worse, guilt if we betray them. But sometimes, in the best times, our intentions can be freeing. We expect to have a few slip ups and we vow to be okay with them, we figure our ways around them, and then we up and shock the heck out of ourselves when we do the exact opposite.
I expected to sleep in, but I started my day early instead.
I expected a leisurely stroll, but I ran W1D1 of C25K instead.
I expected to hold off my workouts until Yoga tonight, but I threw in a little one earlier too.
It's days like those where it doesn't even feel like trying. Days like those when it's not about what didn't happen or what should have happened or what we could have done. It's freeing. It's exhilarating. Those are the days I live for.
I don't know why I decided to do C25k yesterday. I just wanted to see if I could get through just a tiny bit more than I was able to do last time. The last time I pulled my hip flexor in the third running segment and limped home defeated. Running for the longest time hurt....a LOT. Like, more than it should. And I stopped trying to do it on a regular basis. There were times when I'd think, "I feel good...let's just try it out." And I'd go slow and steady and wouldn't overdo it and come out with a little more confidence. But it still hurt for a long time. So when I walked out the door yesterday and started the app on my phone, I just imagined how good it would feel to report back here saying, "I'm progressing with it!"
The first thing I did? I didn't start the app at the beginning of my walk. The last time I tried this, I ended up running in a bad, bad spot on my normal route. You see, I live in the stix, the country, the boonies, the hills of wild, wonderful West Virginia. Yes, we have paved roads, but I don't live in a town. When people ask where I'm from, even people from WV, I give them the name of a nearby town that is more well-known. You can tell how well a person knows the area by whether they know the name. And you can certainly tell if someone grew up here if they know of former landmarks that are now long gone.
There's a certain charm about this. The beauty of the back hillside when it's frosted over and looks like a blanket of billowing snow. The field that floods across the street, or houses countless deer or turkeys, or bails of hay - depending on the time of year. But there are difficulties to this living too. The roads can be a challenge. None of them are straight, or flat, or even correctly and fully paved. It's a patchwork of years past and years present, it's the turn up ahead and the magic beyond the next bend, it's neighborhood dogs barking, while horses come up to greet you and a rifle shot is heard in the not-too-distant woods.
So the last time I went out on my run, I hit the first running segment halfway up hill 2 in my route. This time, I wanted to avoid that. I waited a few minutes before turning on the app and getting started on the warm-up, and I think that extra warm-up time may have helped as well. When the run segment came, I ran. And then it was over. And I didn't much think about it. After the third segment I had a brief thought of, "Well, there! Goal completed!" but it was quickly followed by, "Just a LITTLE more." At one point I was worried. How much more? Would I injure myself again? I didn't want to push too hard!
We dodged cars and holes in the road and the rough shoulder, and I kept going, and thinking, and worrying, and telling myself not to worry. Finally I pulled out the phone and turned it on. 10 minutes left?? That's it?! And half of that is cool down! I'm doing this!
My route was silly. I ran my regular 1 mile walking route, the turn around being right before the biggest hill on the route. And then I got to the bottom of the middle hill and turned around and went back. Turn again on the big hill, and back down hill two. That's when I checked my phone. And Ethan was hurting. And I was getting pretty tired. I still had gas, but I had forgotten to hydrate beforehand. I thought about just going home. But when I checked and saw 10 minutes, I told Ethan he could go on home, but I was finishing this.
I hadn't planned this part out...and I was in between hills 1 and 2 and unsure when that ringing bell would tell me to start running again. About halfway up my hill, I started begging for silence. "NO bell! Not yet! Please! Just let me get to the top." I reached the top and had just enough time to sigh with relief before my timer ding-a-linged my next running segment. It was getting difficult, especially considering my last running segment had felt like running on clouds, and this one had given me no time to recover from the climb. I hoped there wasn't much more.
*ding ding ding* "Begin cool down"
What? What did that say?! HUH?! Did I just? A smile as long as the Nile formed across my face. The sun felt beautifully brilliant in that moment. The wind pulled back loose strands of hair and chilled the sweat over my arms and chest. I did it. I, me, this 339 pound woman, had done what she had once thought highly unlikely. A bad knee, sore legs from a killer workout the day before, who always hurt when running. None of it mattered. All that was left was a walk home...and I'd be lying if I told you I was anything other than cheery.
I talked to my son about some problems he's been having. It was a serious talk, about life, and about speaking up for yourself, and about trying new possible solutions to your problem. I couldn't have had that talk without that workout. I had some higher level of understanding in that moment about what it took to succeed. I just knew whatever problem was put before us, we'd face it, together if we needed, separately when we must - but we'd meet it, and we'd find our own way around it.
And without even thinking about what was happening, I heard another *ding ding ding* and the words, "Workout Complete" come into my ears.
I turned to Ethan.
"Mommy did it!" I beamed.
It didn't matter that he didn't understand the significance of what just happened. I did. I knew what was happening to me. And I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I had overcome, I had figured it out, I had struggled and come through the other side. And then I was home. And it didn't matter that my leg was cramped or my shoulder was pinched. I bounced up the stairs and whispered once more to myself, "I did it."
Do I look proud of myself?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Starting Weight: 466.6
SP SW: 416.2
Last Week: 339.2
Goal this Week: 337.2
Actual Weight: 339.4
Loss/Gain: +0.2 pounds
I warned yesterday that I wasn't expecting a good weigh-in today. Why?
1) I've been an emotional wreck and I know that stress can lead to weight gain.
2) I added in some stress eating this week. Not at all good, but I tried to hold myself back as much as possible. I certainly didn't give in to every impulse!
3) I ate out much of the week. Why, hello, sodium...nice to see you again! ...NOT!
4) I didn't work out much this week. I had to force myself to the gym yesterday in order to get in my 2 swipes a week at the gym required by the insurance company's weight loss program.
5) I didn't drink all my water. Not at all. Some days it was almost non-existent.
6) I didn't get enough sleep due to the stress.
So all of these things could have lead to a massive (or at least in my mind) gain on the scale today. All week I'd been watching my weight hover in the low 340s, and I knew that even the chanting of 338, 338, 338 wasn't going to make a difference today because I woke up bloated (my ankles are a little tight, which means they are slightly swollen).
Why didn't I have a huge weight gain this week then?
1) I ate less most days. There were days when I'm sure I went over...days I even forgot to track, but I was always conscious of what I was doing. The little rebel in me fought hard, but there were times that I simply won over by sheer stubbornness.
2) I did not let a few "bad" days dictate the rest of my week. Every morning I woke up with the thought that it was a new day with new opportunities and I had the choice to make the most of them.
3) (As MEZZOANGEL so kindly pointed out), I went to the gym even when I didn't want to. I remember Wednesday and the little fit my inner lazy rebel dished out, but I fought against it and went anyway. I cried through my workout. I focused my gaze on a nail in the wall and ran on the elliptical out of anger and fear and hurt feelings, and a dozen other emotions. It was not a happy workout...but it was a workout I made happen.
4) Even when my choices were bad, they were better than they used to be. Let's face it, I did not go to the store and buy Suzy Q's and Ho-Hos and 2 candy bars and coke. I pouted at home and, instead, rebelled with a grilled cheese on whole grain bread with light Campbell's tomato bisque soup.
5) When I was feeling out of it, I didn't withdrawal and hide. I was present. I showed up, and I made my frustrations known. I let it out in an attempt to let it go. Sometimes the support of Sparkies, even in the darkest hours, can lead you back to the light or keep you afloat. Don't underestimate the buddy system!
6) I used distraction methods for eating, and positive rebuttals to negative thoughts. "I still have so far!" was combated with, "And you've COME so far!" And "I hate these 24s!" was rebutted with "But they are beautiful and you are getting closer every day to making them part of your every day routine!"
That is what I attribute an only .2 gain (mostly bloat, I think I can safely say) to. In some ways, I am more proud of that .2 pound gain than I was of many of my previous losses. I needed this week, for some reason. And I got through it. And now I'm moving on.
So now we've reached Turkey week...and my goals look a little like this:
Weight Goal: 337.2
Calories Consumed: 1600-2200 per day
Calories Burned: 2270 for the week
* No eating out. I can go one week without eating out anywhere after the week I just had! Who is going to join me on this one week challenge? Should be made slightly easier this week with Thanksgiving coming up, a time to be thankful for the abundance of food we have available in this country - good food that's good for us and fuels our bodies!
* Water overload! I do best now on 10 glasses a day, so that will be my goal this week. I need to flush this sodium out of my system. Ethan asked me yesterday what was so bad about salt, so I'm going to do some research and have a talk with him about it this week. We'll both learn and teaching is always the best way for me to learn!
* Head held high! I made it through a very crappy and emotional week without trying to kill myself with unhealthy food. I made some bad choices, yes, but I made some very good ones as well. May this week be a lesson to me for the upcoming weeks left in this year and in the year to come!
My Turkey week plan:
Sunday - I'd like to get out for a walk sometime today. If my hips and legs feel up to it, I plan on giving myself the gift of a running spurt or two. If not, just walking the dog would be nice. I'll also do some cooking for the week. Going to make some pasta dish (which will make Hubs extremely happy) - a form of Chicken Alfredo with Broccoli - and then our every-week staple of Tator Tot Casserole with ground chicken.
Monday - Short day at work #1. Only 3 8-hour days this week! I'm going to be productive and, after work, I'm going to reward myself with yoga class and some ST!
Tuesday - Short day at work #2. I need to make sure I finish up everything that needs to be done, I don't want anything hanging over my head for the holiday. After work, I'm going to reward myself with my choice at the gym. I might go for a walk/run, or I might hit the elliptical. I might row, I've been missing that. Either way, I'll hit my calories burned goal for the day and make up for whatever I didn't hit on Monday (yoga doesn't burn as many calories I need, but it's only shy by about 100 calories...easily made up!).
Wednesday - Short day at work #3. I'll need to take a walking lunch this day. I don't think I'll have time after work to get to the gym, so I need to take advantage of the blessings of outdoor exercise. I'm thankful to have a job that allows me to eat at my desk and then use my entire break for exercise purposes. It's possible I'll be driving up to my mom's house after work and spending the night there. Make the turkey trot decision.
Thursday - Thanksgiving Day! There's a turkey trot in my mom's town this morning, so I'm seriously considering doing it. It starts at 9am. My mom mentioned it to me last month, but I doubt she'll be up to it, but that doesn't mean I can't do it on my own. Race or not, I'm getting some mileage in this day. My mom's walking route is lovely, so even if I just walk the loop a few times, I'll feel pleased with myself and okay to gobble a few of my favorites at lunch. Other than that, I plan on spending some glorious time with my family, loving my aunts, rejoicing in the traditions of our family, and just being the person I've become in front of all of them - changes they've already begun noticing and seem to enjoy.
Friday - BLACK FRIDAY! *lol* We'll get our plan of action together and get some holiday shopping done. It'd be best to do this in my mom's area where all the stores are, but we'll make that decision as a family where to hit the stores this year. I plan on doing some walking, running, and punching people out who try to take my stuff! *lol* Just playin' on the last one...unless it's a really great deal! ;) The gym will be open again, so if I need it, I'll go stress relieve there.
Saturday - Another SIBCCT, me thinks. It was a great joy to me yesterday as I was actually able to run 3 laps back to back. Usually 2 is my limit, and it makes me hurt. I'm working toward 4, then 5, and on from there.
I'm dubbing this week - BTTW Week. Balls to the Wall, baby! I'm making this week count! I won't kill myself over my goals, but when going, I'll push a tiny bit and make it count. I'll give myself one challenge a day, whether food, exercise, water, or mood related. I'll be conscious of every move and every action and be thankful for having another week to right whatever "wrongs" my mind may have tallied up for me this week.
Other things of interest:
First of all, a request to my Sparkies. I'm going to D.C. on the 5th of December for a week-long training. What I need from you is the following:
1) A song for my workout playlist that will let me use you for my fire while I'm gone.
2) A walking direction, route, or place of interest to visit. I have a half-brained scheme to let you all take me on a tour of the city by challenging me to walk to places and experience the enjoyment that travel + fitness holds! (May have more on this later...I have a thought but it's not fully formed, but you can still direct me to the sites using walking routes and mileage and such...)
Second, a thought. You see, I've been invited to Vegas for my birthday this year by a close friend. The first thing I checked about the hotel was whether it has a gym (it does), and the second thing was whether there were any races around that time. Well, there is. On my birthday. The Running from an Angel Marathon, Half, 10k, 5k and 50 miler is running in Boulder City, NV. I keep thinking that it would be great to start my 30's with a race in a foreign city, but working out the logistics in my head has been....stressful. How do I get there? Will my friend mind? Is it a crazy thought? I don't have to decide yet...I haven't even bought my ticket for the plane ride yet. (I'm a little nervous if I start a new job they won't let me go...) But I'm still thinking on it and considering it seriously.
Finally, some exciting news, at least in my eyes. A couple months ago I got a little crazy at the consignment shop. I bought a pair of 26s and a pair of 24s without even trying them on (because, well, they didn't fit yet). The 26s I could get on and buttoned, but could not zip, or breathe, or walk comfortably in. They now fit me and I wore them to work a couple weeks ago. (Yay for black jeans!!) But, as you know, the 24s were taunting me. To me, these jeans look SO small. I don't remember the last time I wore size 24s, but it was certainly back in HS at some point. When I bought them I could get them on my legs, barely...that was it. I have a picture and it's sad. Well, last night I put them on...all the way on. It was a struggle, for sure, but up they went. And then I took a backwards dive onto the bed and hurried to button and zip them. Talk about non-public jeans! *lol* They certainly don't "fit" yet, but my original goal was to wear them Christmas day (although I had a secret goal to have them fit by Thanksgiving). I count this as a win in my book! They will go on, button and zip - all by Thanksgiving! Now the real test is to see if I can drop the weight needed to wear them Christmas Day. Either way, they don't scare me anymore... And thanks to another wonderful Sparkie, when I finally get these jeans on (and maybe take them to wear on my Birthday in Vegas!!), I'll have a pair of size 22's to put in their place on the back of my door, the place reserved for goal clothes. I'm taking this accomplishment, especially considering the week I had!
What are your plans for Turkey Week? Wherever you're from, wherever you will be, be thankful for what you have, for the wonderful strides you are making for yourself, and hold your chin up with pride and determination.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
I didn't work out on Thursday. I didn't work out yesterday either. There's no excuse for Thursday beside being an emotional wreck. Yesterday I was busy, busy, busy.
Slept in - much needed!
Showered and hurried to the doctor for my Depo shot.
Weighed in at 345 on their scales (always higher than mine). She looked at my file. I weighed in at 352 on 10/8. Decided I could do better than that and I will next time I'm in there, but was happy to report to my doc on the way out that I was under 350.
Came home to prep for my interview. Once nails and such were done I headed toward Charleston. Showed up 30 minutes early (not late! *lol*)...oops! I apologized and explained I never knew what the traffic was going to be like at lunch on Friday...she understood.
Interview lasted for an hour. Went well, I think. It would be a great place to work. A lot of what I already do, plus a little extra, with higher pay and in the private sector. I explained that while I understood there were risks with the private sector, there were also more opportunities. What should be, will be.
Left there and drove straight up to the movie theatre to grab tickets to HP7 for me, Hubs, the boys and my MIL. Hubs left to drive down to meet me with MIL and boys in tow.
Shopped at Fashion Bug for a bit and found a purty sweater for 10 bucks and a couple other shirts on sale or clearance. All sizes were 1X or 2X. Much different from the 3X and 4X I used to buy. Felt good.
Movie was pretty good. Not the best HP, but good still.
By the time we drove home I was only up for grabbing pizza and movies for home and chilled with the boys before getting to bed and setting my alarm for this morning.
The gym opens at 9am and I plan to be there soon after. I need a good workout to break me free of this madness. Also needed today? TONS of water to flush this week from my system. It's been a crazy week mentally, but I think I'm ready to move on with force.
Plan for today?
1) Exercise well.
2) Drink LOTS of water!
3) Plan for the week ahead.
4) Grocery shopping.
5) Watch some football, maybe.
6) Clean! I want this living room DONE!
I'm not likely to have a great weigh-in tomorrow. I may even gain a pound or two from the bloat and stress of this week. But I'm trying hard to remember that this is just another week in my life, and not a make or break thing. I've got more work to do, and I've got a fire left in me. Going to surf some friend pages and ignite that fire a little more. And, if all else fails, listen to Katy Perry's "Firework" and remind myself to show myself what I'm worth.
I'm worth the time it takes.
I'm worth the trouble.
I'm worth the heartache.
I'm worth the success.
I'm worth the chance for a better life.
I'm worth the money for gym memberships and healthy food options.
I'm worth staying on the path I've paved for myself.
I'm worth a job that awards and appreciates my talents and lets me prove myself.
What are you worth?
Thursday, November 18, 2010
First of all, a big thank you to all of you for your support yesterday. I'm still a bit of a wreck and getting a bit of distorted vision, but at least I recognize it this time. (I woke up today and looked in the mirror and was sure I was still as fat as I was on April 18th. Just like portion distortion, we all experience, at one time or another, a figure distortion. Sometimes the distortion is pleasant, and other times...not so much. As for me? For the rest of the day I'm avoiding mirrors.)
I sat down and took measurements yesterday. Like, mass amounts of measurements. I measured everything - my head, both the upper and lower parts of my neck, even the width of my shoulders and the length of my stomach (both sides and middle). I printed out an outline of the human body and just kept measuring and writing it down. Now it's time to tuck it away for a while and let myself just work.
I also dragged myself to the gym last night. I mean dragged. I whined and cried (literal tears) on the phone to Hubs on the way home about how much I didn't want to go. I hated myself and everyone in the gym and this stupid journey and everything about everything. (Please tell me I'm not the only one who has "I hate everyone and everything" days!) The plan was to waste my time until pilates started at 7:30pm and then suffer through that torture once again, but the plan changed.
My workout last night was fueled by sadness, anger and bitterness. I hit the elliptical and I cried a bit before just being angry. I maintained a 130-150 pace nearly the entire time, through every interval change, because I was just running to blow off steam. Pilates started and I childishly said no. I wasn't torturing myself that way...it wasn't aggressive or active enough. I wanted to run away, so I did. I started taking laps around the track, I ran a few laps, on my last running lap I sprinted the end of it, balls to the wall, all out, leave nothing behind. And it felt good, but I was still quite angry.
Forget this, I thought. I'm going home. I stopped by Kroger and bought one of their rotisserie chickens, grabbed some mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, and biscuits from KFC and went home and ate my anger. And I STILL felt angry and bitter.
I *hate* this. I *hate* feeling not in control of my emotions. I thought I was doing better yesterday and then I got slapped in the face yet again by some of my biggest stressors and fears.
So today is going to be spent trying to let go. I don't care about anything but making these feelings go away! I've been so overly stressed lately and it's just making me crumble under the pressure. (Oh, I'm sure I forgot to mention that Hubs' grandpa is in the hospital again. I adore this man, and the other day he had some sort of fit, kept pulling out his IVs, there was blood everywhere, cursing at people, locked himself in the bathroom. This is 200% NOT like him. He's the most gentle and kind and loving person I know and he would NEVER act this way. And I'm scared...scared it's the start of dementia again. It killed me to watch my grandpa suffer through it and forget the wonderful person he was...I don't know if I can take it happening to another amazing man.)
Life is mean right now. And while I want to crawl under the desk, cry it out, and then move on to the happiness of the season, I feel like a shell of myself.
So...bare with me. I'm hoping to catch a break soon.
Tomorrow - Interview
This weekend - Harry Potter!
Next week - Thanksgiving!! and Black Friday
D.C. trip upcoming, Vegas after that, Utah mid-year next year.
The weather will change before I know it, racing season will be back, and I see myself actually RUNNING one this year!
(One positive that came from my anger-fueled workout yesterday - running has become much easier. I think I'm going to just keep doing a little here and a little there, but once the weather starts to turn a bit and I can stand being outside in the freezing cold again (it's hard to find that fancy winter weather running gear in super-duper-extra-looper fat@$$ size!) I'm going to try C25K again or some other running program. My goal is to be able to run a 5k by summer of 2011.)
EDITED: It felt good to write it, but it's no longer necessary.
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