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Fear of Expectations

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Yesterday I did nothing. I didn't eat according to my schedule. I didn't workout. I didn't even go to work. I didn't even Spark but for a few minutes. And while I felt that twinge of guilt every now and again, I shoved the guilt down and went about my business of laying on the couch watching movie after movie. Sure, I didn't feel so well (hello to another re-surge of the month and a half long TOM) but there wasn't any real reason I wasn't doing what I knew I should. I just kept thinking to myself that there will always be days like this, no matter the size I am or how "healthy" I'm thinking, there is bound to be days, every now and again, when all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch movies. And, every now and again, I'm going to give into that desire. (And I still stand by that - there will be days like that from time to time.) But as I went to bed my brain started asking those questions of myself that I've become so famous for....Why? The only answer I could come up with was a simple one - fear.

We're all afraid, and while I agree that there are innate fears that are built into us, I believe the majority of our fears are taught. "Don't touch the stove! It could be hot!" good Mommies teach us early. "Don't run out into the road, you could get run over!" Each time we're taught these lessons of fear, we're also taught that there will always be consequences to our actions, whether good or bad. We're taught, more than anything, to fear the consequences, to fear the failure that comes along with not doing what we have been taught we should. It can be something really important - "Don't stand too close to the cliff, you could fall!" or much less so, "Do your best in school and get good grades or you'll lose your privileges!" And as we struggle through this whole, "Eat right and exercise, or you might gain weight again!" it's not the action we're afraid of, it's the consequence. It's fear talking, and fear that motivates us to do well. Sure, there's the other side of the coin, the one that says that we do it all for the benefits or for the positive outcome we might achieve, but when the going gets tough, it's the fear that drives me.

So I knew I was afraid of something. Most of my bad eating habits and forms of anti-exercise rebellion are bred out of fear. But fear of what? It came to me in a sort of "DUH!" moment (this is the opposite of an "A HA!" moment, wherein we realize it's something we already knew) - fear of expectation.

Yep, you heard me right. And I know I'm not alone here. I'm afraid of what's expected of me. I've been getting such positive feedback lately that the little scared girl inside is afraid that she'll answer wrong on a test and lose her perfect 4.0 GPA. And then all these little monsters come out to feed on that fear and scare me further.

You see, the last time I felt these many expectations from those around me, I was in my senior year of college. Oh, don't laugh! It was just last year. I carried a 4.0 GPA throughout all 3 years of college, while working full-time and working part-time at the paper. I did it all. I was the president of two honor societies. I was top in my class. I was on track to bring up my poor transfer scores and graduate summa cum laude. I got great scores on my GRE (not on the GRE Lit test, though...that thing is insane!) so the expectation was that I would either get into a stellar grad school program or I would land a great job. I did what I was supposed to, I followed the formulas, I set myself apart from my peers by holding onto both the full-time and part-time jobs. I spread myself paper thin. And then I graduated and I realized that no matter how hard I might fight, I couldn't live up to everyone's expectations for me. I got scared early, but I stayed the course and finished with all my T's crossed and I's dotted. And then my world fell apart. Four schools applied to, four schools rejected me. Countless jobs applied to in months, very few bites, no offers. Today my old classmates will meet for a English Majors Luncheon and all I can think is that I failed. I failed myself and I failed them all.

Please know, I'm not going for a sympathy vote here, I'm just sorting this out in my head by putting it down in text. Because, you see, I've made a connection from those expectations to these. You all expect me to keep going the course (Lord knows I've got a long ways still to go), and people in my life expect to see more changes. I expect the most, really. And as we move from the "what ifs" to "in the next two years" talk of plans become expectations for what I'm supposed to accomplish. So what do I do? Instead of rising to the challenge, I get scared. Afraid of being rejected again. Afraid of putting all my ducks in a row, doing everything I'm supposed to, and then finding myself sitting in the corner, staring down my ducks and begging them to tell me why it didn't work. I said it. I'm scared.

Expectations are big, scary things. I used to shy away from them completely. I wouldn't tell people I was dieting or losing weight because I was afraid of what they'd expect from me. I never wanted to disappoint them. But when I started here, I made that vow with myself to be completely honest, to dare to set myself up and even, possibly, fail in front of all of you. I know how easy it is to stay hidden and never fail to meet anyone's expectations but your own, and while that might be safe, it's also disheartening. Because I'm missing out on the greatest tool for success -- support. So when I started here, I vowed to be honest - to share my triumphs and my failures, let the chips fall where they may. But that didn't mean that I vowed to never be scared by what was expected of me. In fact, I'm hoping, as I continue, I learn to work on this biggest fear of mine and attempt to overcome it.

Want to know what else I'm afraid of? 230. No, this time I'm not afraid I won't get there. It seems reasonable, actually. But as happy as I was to release a little of the expectations of myself in terms of weight-loss on Saturday when I heard that number, I also felt saddened. That's the best I've got? Do you mean to say I won't ever be "normal" according to a BMI scale? I'll never see ONE-derland? I'll never get to say that I'm lighter than my husband? Why must my fate always be to be fatter than my friends? I'm confused by it and saddened by the lack of expectation there. It sounds silly, and I know I don't have to stick to that number. I know that once I get there I can re-evaluate, but I'm scared. What if that's all there is for me? What if I get to 280 and then struggle for the last 50 pounds and then...that's it? What if I never get to shop in a regular sized store? What if people always see me as fat? What if I work so hard for so long and I'm still not at all happy with my body, my weight, my fitness ability?

So yes, there is fear. And fear is what kept me on the couch yesterday even though I COULD have moved. Even though I DID have the energy to go to the gym. Even though I COULD have put in my 10 hour shift at work. Momma said there'd be days like this, but I've got to work through the fear so that they become fewer and farther apart. And step one? Admitting it.

I'm scared. Of me. Of you. Of what is expected. Of what I may have to settle with. Yesterday I fed the fear. Today I'm starving it and confronting it head on.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEGSFITNESS 10/27/2010 12:20PM

    We've all felt that fear and while some of us choose to shove it in the closet for diagnosis another day (like me) some people confront it and get over it (like you).

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JLITT62 10/26/2010 7:12PM

    I have to admit I have been fearful more often than not in my life. But sometimes I do step outside my comfort zone -- the results are mixed -- sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes nothing to shout home about.

But here's the thing about worrying about tomorrow . . . you forget to live your life. It just all passes you by while you're so focused on something that might never arrive (kind of like hiding from the world watching movies, right?).

So rather than focus 20 steps down the road, try focusing just one step. And then take the next, and the next, and if you have to backtrack, all if proves is you're human.

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ATROTTIER 10/26/2010 6:28PM

    Nuff said my friend! Fear is a constant struggle - the struggle that you don't even realize you are fighting until it shows itself during the revolution - ok now i'm getting too wordy. All I'm saying is that I was hiding from fear so I didn't have to deal with expectations too! I didn't tell to many people about my goals and little by little I lost some weight, people started noticing and then the fear was there! I must NOT dissapoint these people, who cares if i dissapoint myself - WHY IS THIS??? It's so crazy that we think like this! I hope you at least enjoyed your relax day - you did nothing wrong and today is a new day! emoticon

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KITHKINCAID 10/26/2010 3:49PM

    Hey lady - WE don't expect anything of you except to be your wonderful self every day - which you are a rockstar at. YOU, on the other hand, expect a lot of yourself - but that's ok. You're allowed to expect great things of yourself. You're smart, you're powerful, you're a wonderful mother and wife - why shouldn't you expect big things from yourself?

I had to "break up" with my nutritionist because her and I didn't see eye to eye with my own expectation levels. She didn't want me to run. I'm running a 5K next weekend. She's given me varying answers about questions I've had concerning calorie levels. I've been following Spark's recommendations and doing just fine by myself. So - sometimes the pros are wrong. I think your trainer said 230 because she didn't want to overwhelm you with a number in the 100s. But I think you're QUITE capable of seeing and living in Onederland and you know it. The only person that matters here is YOU. So go ahead and set those goals high, and dream big because YOU KNOW you can do it!

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MAGPIE17 10/26/2010 2:33PM

    Hugs, girlie. You will go as far as you want to go, be it 300, 230, 280, 150....YOU will decide, and YOU will do the work to get there. We love you for you, not for expectations. We're here for you, and we'll cheer you on, but you won't disappoint. Promise!

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NACHOSMAMA 10/26/2010 2:25PM

    I think you've just articulated something that a lot of people struggle with but don't know how to describe. Thank you for shedding some light on this kind of immobilizing fear.

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RAVENSONG37 10/26/2010 1:59PM

    First, I have no expectations of you...I have hopes and a strong sense that you will be well...but you can't let me down. Just wanted you to know that. Secondly, that bit about getting to 230...that's just the first mega-goal. There's no saying that's where you have to stop if you don't want to...but imagine she had said, let's get you to 180 and 20% body fat or whatever....that woulda freaked the crap outta me if I heard it. No one can limit you but you babe. Just know that you will get where you are going because YOU want it. The only expectations that matter are yours.

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ERIN4771 10/26/2010 1:16PM

    fear is a funny thing, it can either push us past or push us back from something. the thing to try and remember is you are not perfect, and trying to be perfect is way to heavy a burden to carry.....keep being yourself esther, that's all you ever need to be, and all i ever expect from you.... emoticon

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BECKYB73 10/26/2010 11:53AM

    Regretably, opting for an English Major and not focusing on education, takes you right out of the "cookie cutter" career paths. Don't feel bad, I majored in History and Classic Cultures...WTF was I supposed to do with those two majors? I graduated 12 years ago, with a far less stellar GPA and for the first 10 or so years I really struggled to find a career path that resonated with me and afforded me real income and personal growth potential. Yeah, it was hard, yeah I was "stuck" in jobs that sucked the very soul from me. But somehow I made it through and you will too. Being scared is very human, but being paralyzed by it is not something I see you being able to stand very long. You will keep moving forward and eventually, you're going to find that job that sings to your soul (and you wallet) and then the road you took to get there is going to be full of milestones and events that make you even stronger in the end.
Incidentally, I found the right job a little over three years ago and I can tell you that I have not missed a day in a little over three years now. When you become engaged in your career, you'll be amazed at how hard it is to stay home from it. :)

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MAMADWARF 10/26/2010 11:30AM

    Thanks for the honesty, Esther. Really. I mean, I do not let myself even start thinking about that stuff because I have a crazy-ness in my head that I can make things happen if I think about them...lol. I therefore, try to just think about positive things and things that would benefit me but I think by doing that, I deny alot of stuff. You are brave, smart, motivated and honest. There are no limits for you. You have come so far and I know you are going to get where you want to be. You are also a brilliant writer. Thanks for letting us in.

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MAIA2011 10/26/2010 11:27AM

    Now I'm feeling guilty for expecting you to blow my mind everyday (which you always do)!

It is hard dealing with other's expectations as well as what we THINK other's expectations are of us. Since you have a history of exceeding expectations you probably have a different fear from me who has been underwhelming the world for most of my adult life. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your struggle. We've all got something!

What movies were you watching?

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RIGBY31 10/26/2010 11:09AM

    You are a brave, smart woman! Continue on your path and you will succeed. How could you not... you're doing all the right things physically, intellectually, emotionally. Just because you're challenging or doubting yourself doesn't mean you're on a downward spiral. Keep up the fight!!

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DOWNTOWNJEN 10/26/2010 11:04AM

    Your blogs really resonate with me - so thank you for posting them. I too am fearful of people's expectations and have been dealing with them in another arena of my life for a few months. This blog gave me some insight into what's going on with me mentally. THANK YOU for being honest. THANK YOU for writing about being afraid. Know that you are valued and loved for exactly who you are!
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RACHELLY0724 10/26/2010 11:01AM

    Excellent self analysis!

I think that we all struggle with that same fear - of putting hard effort in, having people see results and comment on them, and then reverting back to our old ways and failing. If so many people didn't suffer from, and get paralyzed by this same fear, the diet industry woudln't be as collosal as it is!

One of the things I love about Spark is the acceptance. I too am the fattest girl out of my friends, I look at them and just WISH I could be like that. They don't have to worry about the fear of taking up too much space in the backseat on a roadtrip, or not having the back seat seatbelt be long enough, or have to try and shuffle to the back of the picture as not to be the whale in front.

I constantly think, HOW did I let myself get this far? HOW? But we can't look back, we have to try (as hard as it may be) to look forward.

You truly are an inspiration - but do NOT ever feel as if you have to carry the world on your shoulders.

Much Love,
Rachel

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LOOKY-LOU 10/26/2010 10:37AM

    Fantastic blog.

It's great that you are able to sort this out...the mental side of all of this is definitely the hardest part!

I for one truly appreciate your honesty...and wish you only the very best on your journey to 230...and beyond!

Happy Tuesday! emoticon

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MRSSIBRAT 10/26/2010 10:30AM

    I feel this same way sometimes....I am afraid I will fail even though I know if I keep doing the same thing I can not fail...I think my mind is own worst enemy....

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 10/26/2010 10:29AM

    emoticon Praying today is a much better day and that fear takes a hike. That you are full of hope and optimism. That you are able to enjoy the journey and not focus too much on the end result. And most of all love how far you have come and really embrace the here and now. Thanks so much for sharing your heart. It touches so many areas in all of us.

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ROPEGEMALEX 10/26/2010 10:21AM

    When you are fear only change your mind and be strong, think "You are special, unique, and precious to God" wake up again and go on. emoticon

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HARMONYBLUE 10/26/2010 10:20AM

    Don't be afraid of failing. This isn't a place where anyone will reject you or expect more from you that you can do or be disappointed when you fall short of YOUR goals. This area of your life is not one that depends on appealing to a panel of judges for entrance or a manager for a job. it's just you and your body.

But about the job, you are a writer, right? Are you freelancing? If not, I would suggest it. A lot of publishers need freelancers right now and its much easier to slide into an open position (and they do open up) if you are already on radar. If you are not a writer...sorry...somewhere along the way I got the impression you were.

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Weigh-In Day

Sunday, October 24, 2010

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Weigh-in Day

Starting Weight: 466.6
SP SW: 416.2
Last Week: 348.0
Goal this Week: 346.0
Actual Weight: 344.8
Loss/Gain: -3.2
SP Total Loss: 71.4
Total Loss: 121.8

Okay, so yesterday didn't go so well food-wise. Around 4pm, I took Ethan down to the school for their Fall Festival. I was hoping we would avoid the food line, but around 5 or so he got hungry. The choices? Hot dogs, pizza, and nachos. None of that sounded anything like what I wanted...and the only thing I really wanted was a no-bake cookie. It would've been just fine if I would've stopped with the slice of zucchini bread and 1 no-bake cookie, but I ended up eating a total of: 1 1/2 slices of zucchini bread, 2 no-bake cookies, and a M&M chocolate chip cookie before the night was out. Not good! Not good at all! Okay, I'm letting it go and moving on.

Time to be serious about it again this week! I'm ready to set some goals!

emoticon Weight Goal: 342.8
emoticon 1800-2000 calories
emoticon Meals: Pan Chicken Parm with Whole Wheat Pasta, Chicken with Roasted Vegetables, Ground Chicken Tater Tot Casserole, Slow Cooker Pot Roasted with Mashed Potatoes
emoticonTraining Schedule this week: 2 miles Monday, 2 miles Wednesday, 3 miles Saturday
emoticon ST: Follow new ST plan set by PT 2 days this week, include 140 crunches, 24-30 regular push-ups, and 2 planks

Fitness Schedule:
Sunday - Rest Day
Monday - 2 mile training, Elliptical
Tuesday - Zumba, full ST
Wednesday - 2 mile Training, Elliptical
Thursday - Zumba, full ST
Friday - Tennis
Saturday - 3 mile training

We've been invited to a Halloween Party this Saturday, but haven't yet found a babysitter for the boys so I'm not sure we'll get to go. If we do get to go, I have no CLUE what to do for a costume. Everything I want to do I'm nervous about trying to do because I'm still too big to pull off most of the "sexy" costumes on the market today. I'm still quite nervous about it, but I'm not going to stress until after we talk to Hubs' uncle today to see if he's free to watch them. Hubs, on the other hand, has actually figured out what he wants to be and we spent about 10 bucks for his "costume" last night. (He wants to go as guy from The Crow. SEXAY!!)

Alright, I'm gonna go grab some breakfast. Ethan's got his big game today and I can already tell he's nervous. They have to beat the same team that BARELY beat them last week in order to make it to the semi-finals. I don't even know if he'll get a chance to play today, but he really wants his team to make it through today with a win. (He's also banking on this win so he can wear his football gear for Trick-or-Treat next Saturday. If they lose they'll have to turn in their gear and he'll be costumeless.)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEATHER_TEACHAH 10/26/2010 1:50PM

    congrats on the weigh-in!!!!! your progress is SO inspiring!! Your workout schedule looks like so much fun. I can't wait to join a gym when I get back to the US. I think I have hit my limit of home/outdoor exercising in Korea (ummm arctic winter is back here! yikes!)

great job!!!

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HARMONYBLUE 10/26/2010 10:13AM

    My best friends and I used to be total costume freaks as ADULTS. And we took all of our very plus sized friend along with us. A few things a plus sized girl can pull off very well. Anything renaissance (lots of flowy materials around the bottom and empire waisted with overflowing "assests" at the top). My friend actually duct taped her "girls" to make them more of an eye catcher LOL. A Corset. Lots of characters you can morph into with this-sorceress, villain...) and it takes inches off where they count. I always liked capes (vampire chick). Can't help you in the funny dept though. Worst case, wear you very best business attire and go as a serial killer...cause they look like everyone else. LOL

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RAVENSONG37 10/26/2010 9:57AM

    You can pull off any costume babe. I always like to be funny rather than sexy tho...we should brainstorm some ideas cuz I need a costume too!

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READINESSISALL 10/25/2010 9:41PM

  Congrats and awesome job!!! :) You are so incredibly consistent--it's so motivating. Keep up the great work!

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CANTONIO 10/25/2010 9:23PM

    Awesome job on the loss!

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MEGSFITNESS 10/25/2010 5:25PM

    1) You kicked butt at your MIL&FIL's house this weekend :D -- physically and mentally! Go you! When I helped my parents build their garage, I discovered that I actually LIKE working with concrete lol.. Class 5? Not so much.

2) The meeting with the PT woman sounds amusing. I can just hear her "WOW" and sometimes breathless "Wow..." It's how I was when I first started reading your blogs emoticon

3) Congrats on your weigh in!!! Now stop sabotaging yourself =P

4) Can you give me the recipe to your tater tot hot dish? It sounds tasty and I'd like a healthy tasty comfort food for fall.

5) Good luck to Ethan! I hope his team wins and that he has a good halloween :) ... speaking of which, you could make a toga out of a sheet and use a napkin ring for a brooch, do your make-up all crazy and go as a greek goddess. You could totally do it. In that era of famine, thin was -not- in and having some "meat on your bones" was a sign of wealth so you don't have to worry about not being sexy. You'd rock. I want to come over and do your hair and make up lol.

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FEARLESSFATLESS 10/25/2010 12:45PM

    Congrats on your loss!

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DETERMINED_SOUL 10/25/2010 10:38AM

    Great job! You are doing great.

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WATCHMEGO2 10/25/2010 9:58AM

    woot! woot! good job girl!

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KITHKINCAID 10/24/2010 8:05PM

    344.8!!!! YAHOO!!!! Congrats girl - you did it! And all that rock lifting must have helped for sure. So awesome!

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MAIA2011 10/24/2010 4:19PM

    Have fun with your costumes! The Crow is awesome!

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BARBARAROSE54 10/24/2010 2:33PM

    emoticon

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RIGBY31 10/24/2010 1:07PM

    Your weight loss is amazing, consistent. You inspire me ot stay the course!
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PHYL220 10/24/2010 10:34AM

    emoticon on the weight loss! Your doing emoticon! emoticon emoticon Have a great day! emoticon

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CHICAT63 10/24/2010 9:56AM

    Woohoo, you are definately going to be rocking it this week. Congrats on your loss this week ! As for a Halloween costume, with your imagination I am sure you can up with something. Best of luck to your son for his game !!!!!

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DOWNTOWNJEN 10/24/2010 9:52AM

    You are on a ROLL! That plateau must be nothing but a faded memory now!

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GUARDKITTY 10/24/2010 9:12AM

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WMP Initial Meeting & Surprising People

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Okay, let me first get you the information I got today from the initial contact meeting I had with the PT lady at the gym.

She was running a little late with her previous appointment, so I didn't really get in to see her until around 10:45am or so. She recognized me immediately as I've seen her around the gym (if you go back in my blogs you'll see the day she actually used me as an example for how to walk on the treadmill). She asked a lot of questions...

PT: So, Esther, why now?
Me: Honestly? I don't know. In April I just sat down to try and then it all just clicked for me.
PT: So, what's the hardest part?
Me: Mostly it's the mental part. My brain wanting to do things my body isn't ready for, like the running I talked to you about before. Plus, I just went through a big plateau so that's been a bit of an issue mentally.
PT: So how have you been doing?
Me: I've lost 70 pounds since April.
PT: Wow! How have you done it?
Me: I started out just watching what I was eating, starting to make good choices. I started out working out like 3 times a week for about 15 minutes or so...that's all I could do. Now I work out 5-6 days a week, and I'm usually here for an hour to an hour and a half.
PT: So what does your workout schedule look like right now?
Me: Well, right now I'm training for a half...
PT: A half a mile?
Me: No, a half-marathon.
PT: Wow! Okay.
Me: I did 2 5ks last week or the week before, one on the 10th and another on the 16th, and I ran some of both of them, so I've been working on running a little bit. (We talked a bit about the whole running = eating more things, and I told her that I'm considering just backing off the running for a bit and just work on dropping poundage for right now. She basically said she understood, but didn't give her opinion either way.)
PT: So did you do the 5ks competitively or on your own?
Me: Oh, no...they were races. I've done 4 so far this year - 3 5ks and one 10k, mostly walking but I've added in a little running now.
PT: Wow! That's great!

So it went like that for a while. She said wow a lot. She told me that I sounded intelligent. There were a couple times where she asked me (basically) WTF I was doing on the program then? *lol* I told her that I wanted to save money on my gym bill, and that I wanted to have someone professional that I could ask my questions of. We talked about Spark, and she knew the site. She seemed to have a bit of trouble setting up a workout schedule for me because it wasn't as easy as just setting up someone new. She also used the word "inspiring" a lot. Still, we worked on it together and she gave me a good plan of action. She told me that we'll meet once a month to check on progress and see if we need to develop more for me to do. (She thinks I should probably be moving off the gym machines and onto more free weights...that means my big butt will be rubbing shoulders with the big men on the other side of the gym more...them and Lori (she's a competitive female body builder and is amazing!) so I better get over my fears there!)

Then it was time for the initial weights and measures. (This actually wasn't hard for me. I kept thinking, Wow! Just think what that would've been 6 months ago!!)

Weight: 346 (*love* that their scale even has me under 350!! WOOT!)
Body Fat Percentage: 53.3%
Pounds of Fat: 184.6
Pounds of Muscle: 161.6

So what are the final goals for me? She's hoping to get me down to 30% body fat. With where I'm at now, that means 115 pounds lost, for a final weight of 230! TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY! Can you believe that? I guess I need to settle my mind with the fact that I may never be 150 pounds, and that's alright. Actually, 230 seems somewhat manageable to me. 115 pounds doesn't scare me at all! It's crazy! Of course, once I get to 230, we'll re-evaluate and I may want to lose more after that...but for now, my goal is only to get to 230. (I keep saying that over and over...it just doesn't sound right. Whatever, I'll take it!)

Other stats:
Blood Pressure: 128/80
Pulse: 60 (she said it was nice and low)
Waist measurement: 52.25

The plan:

Nutrition
She gave me a journal. I'm to write down everything I eat. I'll meet with the dietician next week to go over my eating plan and see if I'm doing what I should, but for now I just need to log everything. She also gave me a copy of a little book from calorieking.com that has calorie/fat/carb counts of foods! BONUS!

Exercise
She said I'm good on my cardio, and to just keep going. She likes that I'm working toward a one minute plank, and agreed that I need to stop being so scared and try to do regular pushups instead of the modified kind. She also told me that I should keep up the crunches I'm doing and not worry about using the ab machine downstairs. (And I'm thinking that means I should add another set of 15-20 to my crunches! *lol*) We're going to keep working most of the exercise machines, but I told her that I wasn't sure if I should just keep increasing my weight as I go or if I should work on sets. She said I should move on to sets. So this next week I'll start doing 2 days of ST (one down from before, but we're actually adding to my training here!) and do 3 sets on each of the machines we picked. The first set will be 20 reps, then 15, then 10. I'll increase the weight by 5 or 10 with each set. (Example: I get on the pulldown machine and start doing 20 reps at 30 lbs, rest, and then 15 reps at 40 lbs., rest, and then 10 reps at 50 lbs.) In addition to these 3 sets of decreasing reps and increasing weights, we've switched me over to dumbbell shoulder presses instead of using the machine. I'll just start doing 1 set of those. Plus, we've cut out the leg curl machine (I told her that it hurts my knee) and I'll be moving to the leg press machine and work both my thighs and calves (2 different workouts) on that machine, just 1 set of each to start.

I had to giggle to myself a few times during our meeting (remember, I told you she probably had no clue what she was getting with me! *lol*). One was when she introduced me to a girl who is in month three of the same plan. The girl said, "That first month kicked my butt!" and Cissy (the PT) said, "Oh, she's been kicking her own butt for a few months now!" She also actually said out loud once that she didn't know what to do with me. *lol* I feel good about our meeting and will meet with the nutritionist on Tuesday (though I gave her the wrong time so I'm going to try to call her Monday and try to reschedule...I don't want to miss Zumba!)

It seems the theme of this weekend has been surprising people, including myself. Yesterday after breakfast and tennis, Hubs and I headed up to his father's house to help on the garage. His dad is trying to get the garage floor leveled to prep it for concrete and I knew he was trying to get as much done as possible tomorrow. I told Hubs I was going to drop him off because I wanted to see my MIL's chickens (she's got baby chicks hatching) and see his Grandpa. Hubs made some off-handed comment about how I never work when I go up there and for some reason I took that as a challenge.

So I got up there yesterday and started helping. For two hours straight I was raking the ground to pile up gravel, shoveling that gravel into holes, shoveling and raking sand, and helping to level the floor. Two hours straight! At one point the boys went to take a break and I thought, "I've still got some left..." so I headed back to the rock pile to begin raking rocks again and forming piles so it would be easier to shovel it up. A few minutes down there by myself and my FIL was down there with me. "I saw you working down here and I couldn't let you work alone!" he said.

Around 1pm we ran out of sand and gravel with only about 2/3 of the garage done. Now, I hate to leave a job ALMOST done, especially when there's so much of the day left! I kept saying, "There's got to be some way to get more sand!" Long story short, my FIL took two more trips to get more sand while I went to grab some lunch (pizza). When they got back the first time we had to hurry and clear the truck so he could go back for another load before the place closed. By 7pm we were finally done with the floor of the garage and it looked wonderful! My MIL and FIL kept saying over and over how hard I had worked and how much help I was. My FIL looked at me across a bonfire (we had some cardboard to burn) and said, "You know, Esther...if it wasn't for you pressing us to go get more sand, it wouldn't be done right now." I was proud! I made my in-laws proud!

Yes, I had 8 pieces of pizza yesterday and a Miller Lite, but for crying out loud I worked for about 5 hours doing hard manual labor! My arms, legs, and especially my shoulders, are killing me today! It was the first time in a very long time that I felt like I had more stamina than I ever have! I just couldn't be stopped...I just kept going! I surprised myself!

Hope you're all having a great weekend! I've got Ethan's playoff game tomorrow, where I may have to work half of the time in the concession stand... (BOO!! Don't make me work around food again! NOOOOOO!) I cut my walk short today (got 1.3 of the 2 miles done) because the WVU game is on right now. Hoping for a good weigh-in tomorrow, but I'm already down to that 346, even according to the gym scales!! YAY!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABBELINGBHELL 10/27/2010 9:43AM

    you are just awesome on so many levels and so inspiring!!!!! you rock!!!!!!!!

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STARLIGHT615 10/26/2010 10:00AM

    WOW is right! You are doing amazing!! Keep up the great work!

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RAVENSONG37 10/26/2010 9:54AM

    You are incredible. See. Even strangers know it!

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KITHKINCAID 10/24/2010 8:04PM

    Wow - love surprises like that. Glad you had a good experience at the gym. You are kicking ass lady - so amazing!

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RUNNINGOLLIE 10/23/2010 7:24PM

    Awesome progress!!!!!! emoticon

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HARMONYBLUE 10/23/2010 6:57PM

    Glad you had such a great consultation and got to surprise yourself and the trainer, though surprising yourself is the best feeling of all.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 10/23/2010 5:11PM

    You are going so good!! emoticon emoticon

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JLITT62 10/23/2010 5:01PM

    You are most definitely inspiring! You are doing so much more than many so-called "thin" people, and just think if what you're carrying around right now -- I mean that in a good way, you know.

I am always so amazed at people who have a lot of weight to lose -- and still have so much energy! It's most definitely inspiring.

I really hope that didn't come across as condescending cause I don't mean it that way.

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MINIDRIVER63 10/23/2010 4:33PM

    APPLAUSE!! (I almost typed "applesauce!") I am so impressed and inspired by you. You are WonderWoman!

Thanks so much for sharing your conversation with the PT - I bet you blew her mind!

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RIGBY31 10/23/2010 4:31PM

    Holy Smokers! I was exhausted after you described your workouts! I need to get my behind working a little harder!

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_DASH_ 10/23/2010 3:59PM

    "Me: Well, right now I'm training for a half...
PT: A half a mile?
Me: No, a half-marathon."


HAHAHA YOU EFFING ROCK!!! YOU SHOW HER!! damn right!!!! it's amazing isn't it!

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-SHIMMER-ANN- 10/23/2010 3:46PM

    161 lbs of muscle?!?!!! That is incredible!!! And 30% bf at 230 sounds great, you're gonna look so strong and fit!! Exciting!!!!

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ATROTTIER 10/23/2010 3:44PM

    Awesome meeting with the trainer!! I loved that you showed her!! LOL!!! sounds like you might benefit from this anyhow though so that will be fun what you learn along that program and I know you'll share all the goodies with us faithful readers!!! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!

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EUPHRATES 10/23/2010 3:36PM

    Wowzers! I'm inspired!
emoticon

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CHICAT63 10/23/2010 3:24PM

    Woohoo, you are down 350 AMAZING !!!! You rock Esther, manual labor is hard especially when your body isn't used to doing some. emoticon emoticon

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JEREMY723 10/23/2010 3:24PM

    I'm sure the personal trainer is learning from you and expanding her knowledge to help you. Good for you! Keep up the good work:)

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MAIA2011 10/23/2010 3:20PM

    Sounds like you scared that personal trainer! That's the coolest thing I have heard all day! I am running out of words for you because you are just so flippin' SPARKTACULAR!




R> emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/23/2010 2:57PM

    YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!! You ARE inspiring. Believe it!

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Re-Evaluate

Friday, October 22, 2010

Yesterday I followed the same basic eating pattern I've been using for weeks. The problem is, ever since I started this training and actually started running, I've been HUNGRY lately. I've gone over on my calories the past two days now and that is going to end right now. It's funny, I never had this problem before. I have to wonder if it's the running that's doing it. It's not like I'm running 6 miles every day or anything, but I have heard of this happening. The thing is...I'm still almost (yay! i get to say ALMOST now!) 350 pounds. Now is not the time to struggle with wanting to eat MORE.

So I really have to think about whether I even want to keep trying to run or not. Maybe I should just go back to my high calorie burners - like the elliptical machine. According to Spark, I have to spend a couple hours running/walking to even get close to the calorie burn I get in 30 minutes on the elliptical. And running hurts more. And walking for hours is pretty darn boring. I don't want to give up on it, but maybe it's time to back off a bit...or maybe I need to work up enough stamina to also do the elliptical on my running days.

I'm not making any decision now, I'm just thinking out loud.

Yesterday I also had this moment....I was standing in my office and saw myself in my computer monitor. I did a double take because I saw that my profile is getting smaller. Of course I shrugged it off as an optical illusion - you know, like one of those fun house mirrors? But, hey! It was a really fun moment.

Today I finally get my Friday back! I had to get up and take the boys to school, but then Hubs and I are going to go out in a bit. I hope he realizes that I'm hoping to play tennis again this morning. I don't care if it's cold. The time goes by fast because it's fun, and I burn a good amount of calories without realizing it. Before I realize it I'm sweating up a storm, my legs are feeling the burn, my shoulders are sore, and an hour has passed.

After tennis and breakfast or lunch, we need to do a little grocery shopping and then Hubs has to go up to his parents' place to help his dad prep the garage floor for concrete. For me, that means I'll either spend the day cooking, cleaning, or I'll just head over to the gym and get another little workout in today. I have to do some more ST again!

I've got an appointment tomorrow morning at 10:30am with the insurance company's contact person at the gym. No clue what we're going to do for this fitness test, but I hope to get plenty of questions answered and have her give me more things I can be doing to really work off this weight.

Mentally, I'm all over the place. One minute I'm feeling good about what I've done so far and the next I'm thinking "NOT ENOUGH!" I'm working through it...I'm just ready to repeat the success I had in the first five months or so now that I'm done with that plateau. I keep telling myself, "I've got this. I'm not done yet!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KITHKINCAID 10/24/2010 7:55PM

    Well knock on wood, getting over that plateau hurdle has thrown me down another size and I'm really struggling to believe it but it's true - so I hope the same for you! Fingers crossed. The second 50 pounds on your way to 300 will be much easier. (I say that cause I want you to believe it as much as I want to believe it will be true for me emoticon)

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MAIA2011 10/23/2010 3:14PM

    Running sounds cooler to tell people but the elliptical is a calorie burning machine for sure. I wish I had started sooner but I was married to the stationary bike and afraid of the elliptical. On the other hand, running does great things for the muscles in your legs that the elliptical doesn't seem to do as well. Trade-offs.

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JLITT62 10/23/2010 8:02AM

    I think the real question is why are you running? Are you running cause you love it? Or because you think you should? The answer should be cause you love it.

Next question is are you properly fueling your runs? And eating for recovery afterwards?

Sometimes exercise makes me hungry, and sometimes it suppresses my appetite. Life's a mystery!

And finally, are you drinking enough? Often if I'm hungry I'm really thirsty.

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CAROBEAR1 10/23/2010 6:17AM

    I'm feeling the same way about running vs elliptical...now that I've finished the 5K I was working towards and can comfortably do 2 mile in my morning workout, I think I will put elliptical and "running" together better once I'm finished my 100 day challenge. I also find I'm SUPER hungry after I get off the treadmill in the morning but sometimes have some protein like a piece of turkey meat....it makes me feel better and doesn't have the high calories of the protein bars or drinks.

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TRENTDREAMER 10/22/2010 6:13PM

    "The thing is...I'm still almost (yay! i get to say ALMOST now!) 350 pounds. Now is not the time to struggle with wanting to eat MORE. "

* omg i remember the first time i started lifting after joining sp. i wuz eating over 4000 calories a day and gained like 0.2 pounds.

im going through another always hungry eating everything in sight phase. its weird

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MIGHTYFINEWINE 10/22/2010 1:42PM

    It's the running.

I can burn 500 calories (according to my HRM) in Zumba or on the elliptical or walking or hiking and then go and burn 500 calories running the next day and on the second day, I am SO MUCH hungrier.

I have found that if I am running quite a bit, I can up my daily calories by around 200 and still lose weight, even if the Spark numbers don't quite compute. If I followed the Spark suggestions while I was running, I would be seriously starving.

I've talked this over with a few of my running friends and there are a lot of theories that running actually boosts your metabolism for longer post-activity than many other activities. So you are actually burning more calories for hours after your activity than what you might have logged/tracked.

Edit to add: I agree with the talk about proper refueling. IMMEDIATELY after running, I drink a cup of low fat (NOT nonfat) milk to get fats, sugars and calories into me. And then within an hour, fulling refueling yourself with a well-balanced meal. It helps a ton. And it helps with my muscle recovery too. I am never sore after runs since I started refueling properly!

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 1:47:35 PM

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FLWRCHLD97 10/22/2010 1:33PM

    You do have this, the plateau will END - you are so NOT DONE!!!

You will find out what you need to do, I believe in you emoticon

It will happen, maybe right now you're just getting used to what works for you, re: routine, exercise, what your body can handle, etc. It takes time to finally settle in to something that works for you; and then when you finally do settle in, you have shake it up again and try something new!!! At least that's how the cycle seems to be from what I've read on SP...it's not a bad thing, it's just a new challenge. And I know you can ROCK challenges!!!

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ATROTTIER 10/22/2010 12:04PM

    Oh wow - I was feeling the same "hunger" after the 6 weeks I did C25K and I'm also trying to figure out if I want to dedicate time to finish the program - I haven't lost any weight doing it because it's true I need add'l food just to curb my hunger and I'm not burning as much calories on that treadmill that I could be expending on something else. There is a different feeling that is achieved on the treadmill or just jogging in general that you can't get from any other exercise and that was keeping me going for a while but I'm wondering if I should focus my attention to weight loss right now and get my "runners high" later on! LOL!!

Hope you have a wonderful day today - hoping you get to play tennis - I love how you talk about it, you are so happy doing it and that is awesome!!! emoticon emoticon

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LOOKY-LOU 10/22/2010 11:30AM

    Sometimes when I have a "hungry" day, I tell my body that the feeling of hunger is the metabolism working away, eating up the fat...stupid, but it works! I FEEL myself getting thinner and then the hunger just seems to work itself out.


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CANOGAPARKGAL 10/22/2010 11:12AM

    I'm not a runner so I can't speak from experience. Maybe there is something in the Fitness part of Spark that would help: http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource
/fitness.asp



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MEGSFITNESS 10/22/2010 11:02AM

    Of course you're not done yet! Far from it :) You're still rocking awesome.

I think Mezzoangel addressed the hungry running issue better than I could. I don't know about eating back half the calories you burned, but I know that you should definitely have a recovery snack after a good run.

Have fun playing tennis!!! Even if hubs doesn't want to, you could smack a ball against the wall :)

OH! And p.s.--your monitor is not a funhouse mirror. What you see is what you get! You ARE losing weight and you SHOULD notice it in your face ;)

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 11:03:24 AM

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LONGWINDINGROAD 10/22/2010 10:18AM

    I agree about the running. I have been working on increasing the amount of running I do, and the more I run the hungrier I am! I'm usually okay, though once I eat my breakfast, but I find that I eat everything sooner (ex...I used to eat my snack at 11, but now I eat it at 10...and lunch used to be at 2, but now it's at 1) I've still been able to stick in the ranges that Spark sets, but I really understand what you mean!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/22/2010 9:33AM

    It's the running. I'm struggling with the same thing and it doesn't seem that uncommon. I just read an article in one of my old Fitness magazines that said even in this area, women struggle more than men because their blood sugar drops so much quicker after a run. They recommended eating back half the calories you burned, and eating solid food not a protein drink or something of the like. You could try that and see if it works, but I find myself weighing the pros and cons of running now. I don't want to be starving all of the time in order to be a runner. Not a good tradeoff for me personally.

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Is the World Changing, or Is It Just Me?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

For the past few weeks I've been noticing something. It's like a shift has happened, and I wasn't even aware that it was happening. We read all the time about obesity and weight loss. Heck, I've been learning about diets my entire life. But what I've noticed lately is a general consensus that we need to shift our thinking and habits as a whole, instead of looking for quick fixes and magic pills.

Last week I went to an event at the Ohio Statehouse. It was hosted by the Ohio Civil Rights Commission and was to honor 10 men and women who have shaped the lives of human history by fighting for justice and equality. It was a diverse group of people, all fighting under one main theory - ALL men/women are created equal. (BTW - I'll post a link later to the ceremony. There were some touching speeches, especially those by Dr. Frank Hale, who works as Vice Provost at The Ohio State University, Rhonda Rivera, who is known as the "matriarch" of the LGBT rights movement in Ohio, and Baldemar Velasquez, who continues to fight for the rights of migrant farm workers. Oh, and you can catch a sneak peek of yours truly all close-up and such -- SCARY!! -- during Rhonda Rivera's speech. If you can't wait for me to post the link, go to the Ohio Civil Rights Commission's website and click on the link for the 2010 Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony.)

While I was looking forward to the event, and was seriously moved by several of the speeches made, I had this tiny kernel of fear in the pit of my stomach the whole time. You see, following the event was a reception, and that generally means tiny foods that are calorie-packed. I was extremely nervous because I didn't know where my next meal was going to come from and I knew I needed to find SOMETHING to eat, especially since my stomach was screaming at me about halfway through the ceremony. (It's used to snacks!) But what I found upon fighting my way through the long line to a small grouping of tables actually surprised me. Sure, there were general treats (and, yes, I had a bite of chocolate brownie and a half a buckeye....I just couldn't see past the irony of eating a buckeye in the state capitol building!) but there were also tiny finger sandwiches. The choices? Steak, turkey breast, and portabella mushrooms. I opened the sandwich and find a small amount of protein, a slice of tomato, and some sprouts. YUM! (I picked the turkey.) Moving further down the table I found a wide assortment of fruit and, if you bypassed the general chips and dip, you could feast on hummus and pitas and a generous helping from a big bowl of roasted vegetables.

Now I grew up in Ohio and, while I've never been to an event at the capitol building, I have never seen reception fare be so....health conscious. Everywhere I've gone lately I've noticed a push toward more healthful options. And it got me thinking, has the world changed, if just a little? Or maybe....maybe it's just me.

You see, before I wasn't looking for the healthy options. I was looking for comfort food, sweets, something that tasted sinfully delicious! It was free food, and I just wanted what looked the best. So maybe it isn't that the world is providing more healthy options, but maybe I'm just looking for them. Maybe that's why I know of places in Charleston like The Bluegrass Kitchen, which serves veggie burgers and plenty of healthy food options, or Tricky Fish, which serves delicious fish tacos that are healthy and amazingly tasty (as well as their support of local WV farmers and growers by using WV-grown products in their food). Maybe it's not so much that these options weren't there...maybe I'm just now noticing them because I'm seeking them out.

Or maybe, and a girl can hope and dream, maybe there is a shift happening in the world. WV became synonymous with the word obesity when Jamie Oliver brought his cooking to Huntington and some list announced this state as the most overweight. So maybe people really are taking notice. No longer do I go to a reception, cookout, or some sort of eating event, without finding at least 1 or 2 random healthy options on the list. For example, my work is famous for serving one main dish at every event we host - fried chicken. Sad, I know. But it's cheap and quick, and a lot of people really like it. But last week I was shocked to see that the small box of fried chicken was accompanied by a lean roast beef, some green beans and potatoes, and a huge healthy salad. I don't remember those options ever being there before! And at a "snack day" event last Friday, there were a TON of healthy options - whole wheat bread, lean turkey breast, mustard instead of mayo, fresh fruit.

Whether me or the world at large, I sure am happy for the shift I'm seeing. It leaves me with few excuses to eat unhealthy. I can no longer simply say, "There weren't any healthy options there." They're there. We have to look for them, and we can find them if we do. It's the difference between knowing that I'm not going to go to T.G.I. Friday's with my girlfriends and would rather shift their focus to a place like Applebee's or Tricky Fish, so that I can enjoy my meal guilt free.

Oh, and a word of the wise to places like T.G.I.Friday's....I seem to think the world is shifting a bit, and if you don't hop on the boat very soon, you're going to be left with a pretty empty dining room. No more hiding behind a lack of nutritional information. No more 3 options of healthy food on the menu, none of which I even remotely would like. Give the people what they want! Healthy Options!!



**this message brought to you by the Esther Council on Healthy Eating Options, or the ECHEO, not approved by T.G.I.Friday's or any other establishment (but they should be listening...I'm just sayin'!)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOWNTOWNJEN 10/24/2010 9:56AM

    I've been noticing the change too! Bring on the healthy alternatives!!

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MAIA2011 10/23/2010 3:09PM

    You're so funny! Yes, things are shifting but not as much as your attitude! It is amazing what we miss when we are stuck in the same box with the same habits but when we are the ones who change then we see things in the world that were literally invisible before.

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LOOKY-LOU 10/22/2010 12:15AM

    Gosh I love your blogs...

Thanks!

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KITHKINCAID 10/21/2010 10:43PM

    Here here! I am lucky to live in the city - far more healthy choices regardless and everyone here at receptions fights to be the most gourmet - so I'm used to the hummus plates and fancy sandwiches. Lord knows I have had to make enough dinners out of crut d'ete and hors d'oeuvres. But I agree - in this day and age, if a restaurant can't post their nutritional information publicly (ahem...Cheesecake Factory) then you KNOW it's bad for you and I won't even go there.

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SUGARSMOM2 10/21/2010 9:16PM

  one thing to remember is free choice . all places do not need to serve all the things that some consider a healthy choice . please remember that there are people who love to eat regular foods and perhaps they could do both .

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DDHEART 10/21/2010 9:10PM

    What an encouraging trend...I don't see it all the time but I do see it too so maybe...maybe!

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SLFRISBEY 10/21/2010 4:11PM

    YEA!!! Ohio did something right!!! :) I am originally from Columbus and proud to see my peeps doing it up right! And HORRAY! for you choosing the healthy food. I still have issues with that when I am out on the comapny dime. Thanks for sharing!

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ELSEEBEE 10/21/2010 3:51PM

    Outstanding blog! I think it's a little bit of both positions you observed. I think people are becoming more aware of the health issues obesity brings on. You are so right when you say people need to start eating out at restaurants that offer healthy options. But, good for you, to have made a shift to looking for healthier options!

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AMOHAME2 10/21/2010 3:24PM

    Awesome! It's great to hear that people as a whole are finally becoming more health conscious! I truly hope this isn't a passing "fad"!! Between "going green" and becoming health conscious, I like the way we're headed!

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CHICAT63 10/21/2010 3:18PM

    Hoorray for this healthy movement !!! Wishing they would do the same here at my workplace, needless to say I always bring some snacks, protein source. More and more though restaurants are offering healthier options. Way to go Esther !!!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 10/21/2010 3:17PM

    I plan corporate lunches and parties and there is a very large trend towards being healthy. People want healthy and tasty and it is possible. Isn't it exciting!?

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MEGSFITNESS 10/21/2010 3:10PM

    Preach on, Sistah! Preach on!

:D

I think there's a shift. There's definitely a shift where I work. The upload failed, but my company has put nutrition information on the vending machines and started including fiber one and granola bars in with the candy and other options.

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MAMADWARF 10/21/2010 3:04PM

    I have noticed it too but maybe we are just now looking. I know most places I go to have a under 600 calorie meal or a healthy choice option that is pretty amazing. and if they dont, i order from the nutritional menu. Last night, went to dave and busters and had the under 600 calories steak meal with veggies and rice. it was fantastic and I didnt even finish it all. Hooray for good changes!!

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RACHELLY0724 10/21/2010 2:29PM

    Get 'em girl! And absolutely AGREED about places not being willing to share their nutritional information - enough already! Although I'll admit, I about have to pick myself up off of the floor when I see the calories etc of some of these dishes!

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ATROTTIER 10/21/2010 2:10PM

    All the healthy options sound so yummy right now - haha almost lunchtime here! Anyways, I think you are right about the general shift in the world...I see it little by little...it would be nice if it was overnight but my hope is that it will be seen more frequent. That event sounds really awesome, I'm glad you were able to go and enjoy all factors in it even the food options that you were nervous about!

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 10/21/2010 1:39PM

    I'm crossing my fingers that it's the country at large. My last event had more than enough healthy fair as it was a wedding with a vegan bride, but a healthy shift would be amazing as a whole.

Congrats on picking the healthiest options available!

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LONGWINDINGROAD 10/21/2010 1:00PM

    I think it's GREAT that you were able to find so many good choices at your event! It's wonderful to be out and see so many healthy, tasty options in restaurants and events these days.

I WISH my office was on that healthy bandwagon! We had a kickoff breakfast (if you can call it that) this morning for United Way (we're big supporters). I ate breakfast at home because I just had a feeling that my choices would be limited...boy was I glad I did! They had donuts, cookies, coffee and orange juice. That's it?! And a couple of months ago we had a big pitch-in for a retirement party, and I was doing SUCH a good job avoiding it until one of the managers basically forced me to go over and get something to eat. I told myself that I would only eat the healthy options...do you know what I had?! GRAPES! There was pizza, fried chicken, cheesey potatoes, chips, dip, cookies, 3 cakes, candy...and grapes. You have to be kidding me! My husband said that I just need to start setting the example and bringing healthy dishes with me...I'm afraid that I'll end up bringing a lot home!

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-SHIMMER-ANN- 10/21/2010 12:30PM

    The American Government is considering the "obesity epidemic" a threat to national security, fearing that we won't have enough fit bodies needed to supply our military. So no, you aren't imagining it...Public Health, Public Admin, and our Government officials are all working on it. Adamantly.

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RIGBY31 10/21/2010 12:14PM

    Hear ya! Love that there is starting to be a focus on choosing quality, healthy foods. Like smoking (sorry if you're a smoker!) glad to see the shift is getting away from unhealthy lifestyles. If we focus on a personal level, we can affect positive change in society.

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MERAINA 10/21/2010 12:13PM

    Love it! It's a good thing! The world & us... both changing for more healthy living!

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