Monday, October 18, 2010
Well, it's official. Today is my 6 month Sparkversary. I began my journey here on April 18, 2010 with no real sense of how things would turn out and whether this time would be THE time. Now, six months later, I'm almost 70 pounds lighter and a little bit wiser about what it takes to be a healthy human being. So how did my six months turn out? Here's the recap.
April - May
I struggled to find my place and had a lot of peaks and valleys along the way. I worked on resisting temptation, including a few peanut butter cups I left sitting on my desk for weeks, staring at me, just daring me to eat, eat, eat. I started out simply measuring EVERYTHING I could, and started to feel like I better understood portion sizes. I struggled through graduation and the eating and drinking that came along with it, and then learned that even after the fall I could get back up and start the next day anew - a big lesson on seeking out consistency, not perfection. I tried a lot of new foods and really started to learn what cooking healthy looked like, but I still heavily relied on Spark tools to keep me on task. For exercise I did a lot of walking and worked on my inStride cycle (it's like a hand-cycle, just pedals, that can also be used by the feet...it's used a lot in rehab facilities and cost me about 30 bucks on Amazon). Some nights it was all I could do to shove in 15 minutes of cycling, sitting in my recliner in front of the TV. I started attempting SP's ST sessions that were recommended for me. I lost about 20 pounds that first month and felt good to continue and set new goals for myself.
May - June
I thought about the goal of walking a 5k before the year was out, and the idea both scared and excited me. I tried it out one day, just to see if I could, and though I made it the entire 3.1 miles, I knew my body wasn't ready to "race" that much yet. I still had a lot more training to do to get where I wanted to be. But as much as I knew I wasn't ready, I started to understand that I could be, and two new words entered my vocabulary - "training" and "athlete." Could a fat girl be an athlete? I tried Zumba, and failed miserably the first time, but refused to give up on it and soon learned how to modify enough to work my ailing body into doing the full 60 minute workout. I did Yoga and started becoming more flexible. I still struggled with peaks and valleys throughout each week, but getting back up started to seem a little easier as I struggled my way out of each hole I built for myself. I also went on Depo and started to worry that the shot would hinder my progress. I contacted my insurance company about their Weight Management Program (which I will call today to finalize...took a while!). I joined AB and started my first real challenge (SIYC) with other Sparkers. It was a lesson in learning to set goals and working toward achieving them. It was also a lesson in letting go if those goals didn't pan out exactly how I wanted them. I started my 30 in 30 challenge, 30 consecutive days of working out for at least 10 minutes a day. I lost about 8 pounds or so.
June - July
The month started with a 5.5 hour hike through the Hocking Hills area and, while I struggled, I also surprised myself with my ability to endure. Suddenly the rock walls didn't seem quite so large and impossible if I just took one step at a time. I then experienced my first slow weight loss week following a bit of overdoing it on the hike. It was a lesson in not expecting the scale to give immediate results following extraordinary effort. I got back some bloodwork from the doctor and was placed in the pre-diabetic range, but also told that what I was already doing here at Spark would fix those problems if I kept at it. I had an interview in New York that I stressed major over, a return flight that made me feel, once again, like the fat woman nobody appreciated for her accomplishments and learned that no matter what I did, there were stereotypes against "fat people" that I couldn't completely escape. It was a lesson in outward appearances, inward emotions, and learning to let go of the expectations of others. I got my hair cut and was nervous about the short cut given to me, but soon realized that my hairdresser thought my thinner face could take a little shorter cut and it made me feel good to realize that I was displaying outwardly the progress I was making. I started to get tough with myself and demand more, setting higher expectations and realizing that I had the power to achieve them if I put in the time, energy and effort. I lost almost 15 pounds in my third month!
July - August
I started this month out just thinking about changes, seeing changes, and hoping for future changes. I ranted that three months had passed and I still hadn't dropped a pants size, and then had to recant when I realized that I actually had. I was down from a size 30 to a size 28 and feeling SO proud! I started to learn about how I could make healthy choices no matter where life put me. I could still allow my family the foods they enjoyed while I enjoyed the healthier options my body began to crave. At some point in July, I started training to walk that 5k, and signed up for the Debbie Green Memorial 5k in Wheeling, WV. I gained weight while still feeling changes in my body, and started to learn that the scale isn't always what we make it out to be. It was a lesson in letting go of the numbers and not letting them stop you from moving forward. I struggled with the idea that I was a "poser" for not running the 5k, but walking it, but then realized that I was training for walking in many of the same ways that a runner trains for a race - I labeled myself an athlete, with WALKING as my sport, and settled in my mind that walking and being good at walking was a FINE accomplishment and something to be proud of. I set out to make a month-long workout calendar and the drive to succeed in the fitness arena was born. I had training schedules and devoted myself to them, and I loved it! I joined the gym (after I gave up waiting for my insurance company) and added machine ST, regular Zumba classes, boxing, rowing, and the elliptical to my workout routine.
This month was a big month for me. My fourth month on Spark, I walked my first 5k, learned what it was to set a time goal (under 60 minutes) and meet it, learned what it was to push to the finish even when it hurt (and BOY did it hurt! Check out the race blog to see a picture of the blister I got in mile one that popped in mile 3! Brutal!). I met SPUNKYDUCKY and Spark became a part of my real life. I was made both Done Girl of the Day and Spark Motivator, and was given my first popular blog post award. It was amazing excitement rolled up with the fear of expectations of others encroaching upon what I *thought* I could handle. And what I learned from all of it is that I can motivate others by simply being me, by getting through the peaks and valleys and coming out the other side, by having bad days and pushing through, by trying and failing, by falling apart and putting myself back together, and by just staying true to the goals I set for myself and really being honest with myself about what I wasn't able or simply didn't accomplish. I learned a LOT about myself that month! And after my first 5k, I started training for a 10k, and I struggled with the 5-mile mental mark (probably much like I'll struggle with the 10-mile mark as I train for my half-marathon).
I reached the 50 pound total lost mark, losing about 8 pounds that month.
August - September
This was a very important blog to me. VERY important. I was so proud to see it make it to the popular blogs because I felt it was so important for everyone to see that sense of triumph. It was all about breaking through the mental barrier of 5-miles, but it was also about redefining myself and letting go of how I once thought of myself. The fat girl was one I had to let go because I began to realize that I no longer felt like the fat girl anymore. Yes, my body was (and is) still fat, I am still morbidly obese, but the inside drive and fire, the muscles I could feel under all that fat, were the body of a skinny girl coming to life. I looked at the mirror and I saw a different person, I saw the person I always wanted to be and I felt, for the first time in maybe forever, PRIDE in myself.
And while all the happy stuff was going on, I started a long struggle with the scale. It didn't give me what I knew I had earned. It wasn't showing the progress I could see with my eyes, and I declared battle against it, against the 360s, and against every expectation of a fat girl that the world had built up for me. And another word started to run through my head - "runner." It was something I truly wanted for myself. And the waiting to get there was killing me. I was ready mentally to take on the challenge, and I struggled with the fact that my body wasn't quite ready to respond to what I wanted it to do. I had to learn about taking the time to work to what you wanted, I had to learn patience, and I had to learn that I was seeing everything in the wrong way. I confessed that I still felt not a part of many of my Spark groups and friends because of the considerable amount of weight I still had to lose, and it took several people standing up to me and telling me not to discount or discredit their struggles for me to realize that the "woe is me" attitude was NOT getting me where I wanted to go. We were in this together - 20 pounds or 200 pounds, we are all fighting the same expectations and struggles against an addiction that is likely one of the most difficult to battle. You can't quit food the way you can drugs, alcohol or smoking, so we ALL are here to learn how to make healthy choices and make ourselves okay with food on an emotional level.
I walked a 10k with my son and realized that my body WAS ready for more, but I struggled with what MORE it could take and what MORE I wanted to give it. I'm still struggling with this, in a way. I started to learn about which exercises gave me the most bang for my buck and started hating long nights at the gym. It led to several times opting out of even going in place of spending time with my family. Suddenly, my family was becoming a major motivator and a major hinderance (I mean that in the best way possible). The word I needed (and still need) is balance. Month 5 was hard for this reason alone. I lost another 14 pounds or so.
September - October
Okay, you want the real hard dirty facts...here they are. Month 6 sucked. Major. But that sucky month, I think, has been the most important of all because it asked me to deal with the inside and really get down to the business of learning about where I started, what I want, where I'm going, what I've come from, and why I struggle so much with food. I had to learn to push through the excuses I fed myself to not work out, to not make the best choices, and MANY, MANY times this month, I have failed miserably. The excuse monster won more times than not, and I dealt with the thought that I couldn't go on fighting myself in a battle that I would lose either way. And then this thought hit me. As I considered giving up, I asked myself what I would be giving up. I asked myself what about my former life was so much more appealing than what this new life I had built for myself had in it. And do you know what I realized? Nothing. There is no "going back" because I don't want the life I had before. Sure, I could eat whatever I wanted and not think about exercise or food logging, but I was tired, sore, angry, anxious, upset, emotional, out of breath, physically exhausted, mentally drained, and my stomach was ALWAYS upset. I felt ashamed of myself around other people, so I lived as much of my life at home as possible. And I missed the sun and I remained miserable and testy. Sure, eating a chocolate cake tasted good, but I realized this month that I could have my WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, ACTIVE new life, and eat my cake too! It didn't have to be all or nothing, it didn't have to mean that I would trade cake for feeling good about myself. I could feel good about myself, enjoy my family more, enjoy myself more, and still have a bite of cake now and again.
So while this six month period signaled my big plateau as I tried to break the 350 mark, it meant the most to me in lessons because I learned that this WAS my life. There was not OTHER life to "go back" to, because there wasn't anything back there for me. THIS is where it's at, baby! And I'm riding this one all the way home! I'm not saying I won't struggle. Boy, will I struggle! But I know now that these struggles are much more worthwhile than the struggles I experienced before. And I'm stronger both mentally and physically than I ever was. I started to feel beautiful even though the scale didn't move. I would move my body in the bed and think, "Dang, my legs are getting small!" Dare I say it, I needed that plateau so that my mind could catch up to what my body was doing.
I struggled, and I got back up. I let go of my need for perfection, my need for immediate number results on the scale, and let myself realize just how far I had come and just where I wanted to go. I did the 5k I promised myself in month 1 I would do with my mom and sister, and I had a wonderful time. I met one of the Sparkies who inspired me in month one to dream a little bigger (RAVENSONG) and walked (and ran, partly) a race with her. And that word that I struggled with for so long --- "run" --- suddenly didn't seem so unreasonable. I had put in the time ST my knee and hips and I realized that while I felt soreness after a race, it was no longer unbearable and I could work through it. I ran even more of my 5k on Saturday and was surprised at the way my body responded more positively than negatively to the challenge. And I felt my spark renewed.
I lost a total of about 4-5 pounds this month, but I gained SO much more!
My wish for all of you Sparkies is that you enjoy continued success, and that you remember that the scale does what it wants to and that can feel horribly limiting at times, but the only way to truly be limited, is to limit yourself. Deal with the emotional challenges when those times come. Challenge what you think of yourself, who you think you are. Dare to dream of who you want to be a month, 6 months, from now. Sometimes we have to lose a battle to learn a lesson and win the war.
My wish for myself is 6 more months of learning, growing (mentally) and shrinking (physically).
* Drop to a size 24 pants (by Christmas)
* Finish at least 2 more races before the end of the year
* Train for a half-marathon at a 17 mile pace
* Let Spark's lessons filter into the rest of my life
* Try to not be so hard on myself
* Challenge expectations
* Change those cannots into soons
* Do what you do, and
* Never, never, never give up....
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Starting Weight: 466.6
SP SW: 416.2
Last Week: 350.4
Goal this Week: 348.4
Actual Weight: 348.0
SP Total Loss: 68.2
Total Loss: 118.6
I'm going to admit it, this week has been crazy. I stopped really logging because I didn't have much time to do it. I just ate what I knew was right, ate when I could and/or when I was hungry. As for workouts? Monday I skipped the gym and didn't do much of anything. It wasn't until just before dark that I took a chance and took the boys and Joey out for a training walk/run before yesterday's 5k. Tuesday I meant to go to Zumba, but instead went to see my boy at football practice. I missed last week's game and I missed all of my boys, including the Hubs. It was a lovely night just spending time with Hubs and the boys. Wednesday I was on my way to Columbus, OH for work. I worked out in the hotel gym that night, both cardio and ST. Nothing like my normal workouts, but I pushed a bit and made sure I put in some real time on it. Thursday morning I woke up earlier than I really needed to, and couldn't find a reason to NOT use that time to workout again. So I used the hotel gym, and my knee messed up. Friday I did nothing in prep for yesterday's race, and then yesterday was the 5k.
So, I went on autopilot and felt proud of myself for being able to do that when everything was going a little crazy. More importantly, I stopped thinking about my plateau and about what I couldn't do.
Today I woke up not expecting much other than a very sore knee, but nothing is as expected I guess. Sure, the knee is a little sore, as are my ankles and hips, but it's not unbearable. I'm super surprised! I know that walking and doing regular things on my knee after it pops out helps in heal better, but I had never run on it before. It's interesting to see that my knee is really liking the exercise on it.
So this week we're back on track.
Weight Goal: 346.0
Nutrition: 1800-2100 calories
Training for a possible 1/2 in March
That's right, I'm seriously considering doing a half next year and have set up a training schedule that will have me ready by the end of February (I hope!)
ST 3 days this week - M, W, F
This Week's Fitness Schedule:
Sunday - Rest Day, Short easy walk maybe
Monday - 2 mile training, full ST
Tuesday - XTrain: Zumba
Wednesday - 2 mile training, full ST
Thursday - XTrain: Zumba
Friday - Tennis, full ST
Saturday - 2 mile training
Tomorrow is my 6 month SparkVersary. 6 months! WOW! Here's to six more months of progress and learning, and to fitting into those 24s by Christmas! (I'm not giving up on that goal yet!) Today I am under 350 pounds and almost to 70 pounds lost. Sounds pretty darn good for 6 months of hard work, lessons learned and getting through the struggles.
Upcoming races I'm thinking about:
ACE New River Gorge-ous Trail Run & Walk 4.5 mile walk - October 23, 2010 - Oak Hill, WV
Toys for Tots 5k Run & Walk - October 30, 2010 - Morgantown, WV*
Indian Summer Run?? - October 31, 2010 - Athens, WV
Veterans Day 10k Run & Walk - November 6, 2010 - Wheeling, WV
Nick Caldwell 5k Memorial Run - November 13, 2010 - St. Albans, WV
Wilmington Turkey Trot 5k - November 25, 2010 - Wilmington, OH
Green Bank Turkey Trot 5k Run & Walk - November 27, 2010 - Green Bank, WV
Egg Nog Jog 5k?- December 18, 2010 - Cincinnati, OH
Running from an Angel 5k/10k - January 8, 2011 - Lake Mead, outside of Vegas**
Shamrock 1/2 Marathon - March 20, 2011 - Virginia Beach, VA***
Just a Short Run 8.1 Mile Run/5k Run/Walk - March 26, 2011 - Allison Park, PA
Cleveland Marathon (5k/10k/Half) - May 15, 2011 - Cleveland, OH
I'm not saying I'm going to do them all, I'm just looking at them and trying to remember what looked good or I've thought about doing. I may add more later.
* Hollynn - Did you see this one?
** A friend of mine wants to take me to Vegas for my birthday...I have a feeling I'm a little nutty considering the first thing I did was look up to see if there were any races around that time there. This is on my 30th birthday - wouldn't that be a great present to myself?
*** SPUNKYDUCKY is forming a team for this race and I'm thinking this might be a good 1/2 to do considering the support will be there.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Apparently I've caught the racing bug. Last week I gave you a race report from the Dayton Corridor Classic 5k, which I did with my family and Becky. This week was a promise I made to myself and Hollynn and Ron back in August after I finished my first 5k. The race was the Auggie's 5k in Wheeling, WV, which goes to support the Ohio Valley's SPCA.
Race #1 - My first 5k
Name: Debbie Green Memorial 5k
Date: August 7, 2010
Location: Wheeling, WV
Weight: 365.2 (the next day's weigh-in)
Biggest problems: Horrible blister on my right foot that took at least a month to fully heal, and the mental block of thinking "I can't do it" and "Walking isn't as good as running, I'm a poser!"
Highlight: Beating my under 60 minute goal and meeting Hollynn (SPUNKYDUCKY) and her husband Ron (PENGUITO)
Final Time: 57:21 (18:30 pace)
Race #2 - A race with Ethan
Name: Charleston Distance Run/Walk 10k
Date: September 4, 2010
Location: Charleston, WV
Weight: 356.2 (weigh-in the next day)
Biggest Problems: Mentally it was the 5 mile training mark and the idea of a HUGE hill in the middle of the race. It was also dealing with a hurt little boy when he didn't get a medal. (Which was later corrected by a Spark Friend and my boss.)
Highlight: Hearing my son say things like, "The only way out of this is forward." Oh, and the big fat cheeseburgers that we totally earned!
Final Time: 2:09:01.72 (20-21 pace)
Race #3 - A race with family (including Logan)
Name: Dayton Corridor Classic 5k
Date: October 10, 2010
Location: Dayton, OH
Biggest Problems: A lack of real training following my 10k and a sinus infection.
Highlight: Really bonding with my family throughout the race and racing with Becky (RAVENSONG)!
Final Time: 56:09 (18:09 pace)
Race #4 - Reuniting with SPUNKYDUCY, running, and a race with Joey
Name: Auggie's 5k
Date: October 16, 2010
Location: Wheeling, WV
Weight: 349.4 (according to when I got home)
So I tried my best to train a little for this race, but didn't really get in a lot of time. It's been a really busy week at work, including a trip to Columbus, OH for work on Wednesday/Thursday. Still, when we got to the hotel I ate a veggie burger and then changed for the hotel gym. (Great gym, but small. Still, they had TVs on all three machines, you can plug in your earphones and change the channel to whatever you want without annoying your neighbor.) I worked on running spurts here and there. On Thursday morning I did it again, actually running 1/4 mile straight at a 15 min/mile pace, but on my second running spurt, I felt pressure in my left knee when I landed on it. Once I got back to my room, it had popped out. So this morning I was past "loose" and onto a very sore and stiff knee, still I signed up to run this race and promised myself I would at least try.
We got to Wheeling a little later than I wanted, so I ran into the school in order to hurry up and sign in and get my bib (after my husband nearly ran me over with the car! *lol*). As I was leaving the bathroom I caught sight of Hollynn and suddenly felt much calmer. For some reason, this girl settles me. (As Becky did last week. Gotta love your Sparkies!) I headed out to grab my dog, Joey and figure out where the starting line was.
Shane, me and Joey before the race. SO glad I gave Shane my jacket before I started...I got warmed up super quick!
We were soon joined by Hollynn and Ron, who got to meet Joey.
Joey did pretty well in the big group of people until about 6 people wanted to pet him at once and he got nervous. I don't blame him! I would've felt surrounded and threatened too! He didn't snap or bite anyone, just growled once and did a lot of hiding behind me.
We started the race at the start of the gun (which scared Joey) and even though I started running with everyone else, I was soon left by myself at the back...the VERY back! *lol* I kept telling myself it was alright and that all I really wanted out of this race was the run a little and to hopefully beat 55 minutes (secretly hoping to beat 50).
Surprisingly, Joey slowed me down a bit. We had trained with key words, though, and every time I said "GO" he knew it was time to really move it. Unfortunately I had to tell him a million times, and he got REALLY confused when the front runners started passing us going the other way around mile 1. Still, I kept him on task and we passed the mile one marker who told us we were at around minute 17. (I checked beforehand, I needed to stay at about 17.5 to make sure I beat that 55 minute goal, so it felt good to hear that!)
We had to stop for Joey to relieve himself once, but once I passed the water station, Hollynn and Ron were coming back around and told me that the turn around was just ahead. I was jogging when I could, and when I couldn't, I was walking as fast as possible. I kept telling myself, "Go! Just go! Keep going!" The last 1/4 mile or so before the turn around, I was all alone on the course. I hate being last, but someone has to be there.
At the second water stop (the first stop, revisited), I didn't much need water, but Joey did...and the girl there wanted a photo of Joey. *sigh* We left the water stop and I took off jogging to make up a little time. Once I got to the 2 mile marker, the guy told me I was at about 34, and I thought, "I totally got this!" I did the math and realized that even if I did a 20 minute mile pace, or just a touch faster (which is now my comfortable pace) that I would beat my goal of under 55 minutes. So we went, and I thought about giving up, and I asked myself why I was doing this, and I was feeling so much pain in my knee, but I just kept moving forward. I looked down at Joey (who was also getting really tired) and said, "Look, even if we quit, we have to keep walking this way to get back to the car to go home. We might as well do our best and just finish this."
I walked most of the last mile as my knee was super tight now, but once I saw my kids and Hollynn running toward me, and Hollynn telling me I was going to beat that 55 minute goal I had, I tried to run again. But it hurt...a lot. And I apologized, but went back to walking, which Hollynn assured me was just fine. I turned the corner and I could see the finish, and I tried to run up the hill (what the crap is it with hills at the end of races? 2/4 of the races I've done have ended with an uphill. Seriously?!), which went VERY slowly, and ran across the finish line.
I don't remember seeing the clock other than noting that it wasn't 55 yet, but Ethan swears it said 52:32 (this race wasn't chip timed and I was at the back, so give me another few seconds! *lol*).
Hollynn and Ron were there once again to tell me what a great job I did, and that always feels great! And my kids and Shane being there telling me "Great job!" felt even better.
We did it again! Me, Ron, and Hollynn in that post-race glow!
I don't think I've ever sweated this much in a race before, honestly. That running really had my heart going. I'll need to drink a ton of water for the next 3 days just to refuel! *lol* When I started, my hair was completely dry...when I was finished, it was soaked! I had pit sweat, elbow sweat, chest sweat, knee sweat, and lower back sweat that was ridiculous! As for Joey? He was super, super thirsty!!
Me with 4 amazing boys who support me no matter what! I have a wonderful support group surrounding me every day and this picture will remind me that no matter what the scale says, what the 3 boys in this picture say is much more important to me.
Biggest Problems: The knee and a slow dog! *lol*
Highlight: Having another one down, running, and feeling that race spirit once again just being around Hollynn and Ron! We've already been discussing what's next.
Final time: 52:32 (16-17 something pace?)
15.5 race miles
4 races under my belt
3 Sparkies met
8 family members raced with (including the dog)
Plateau or no plateau...you can't argue with that progress and accomplishment. Plus, I've cut my time from 57:21 to 52.32.
Now...when's the next race? Mom's got a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving she's considering. There's a 4.5 mile trail challenge walk next weekend I'd love to do. There is a 5k and a 10k I have my eye on for a "maybe" in November, and a 5k Egg Nog Jog in December. Plus, I'm seriously considering trying to train to walk a half, just to say I did, which means maintaining a 17 minute pace (or under) for 13.1 miles to beat the time restraints. No matter what it is, my goal is to just get better...slowly, but surely.
Monday, October 11, 2010
FRIDAY - DAY OF WAITING
So Friday consisted of breakfast with Hubs, tennis, and 2 hours of cleaning out the car, but the theme for the day ended up being "wait." When the kids got home I finally had to track down Hubs, who had an appointment to get new tires on his car at 1pm. By 4pm I was over at the tire place and his car was JUST coming out of the garage. Apparently the truck with the tires was super late and Hubs waited around the shop for 4 hours for 4 new tires. WTF?
After I dropped off Ethan with Hubs, Logan and I headed up to my mom's house. After a call from Mom, we ended up stopping at our usual "halfway" point - Tim Hortons. The workers thought I was crazy because I wouldn't order a donut until I found out how many calories was in a Pumpkin Spice donut, to see if I could fit one into my day. Took me a bit, but I found out it was only 250 calories, and I could squeeze it in. (I didn't have a lot of time to eat on Friday because I was SOO busy.)
We got to my Mom's house after a quick trip at the local Wal-Mart to make sure I had some of the foods I've come to rely upon. (Wheat bagels, Greek yogurt, etc.) And then it was just a waiting game, waiting for Becks to get into town. Once she got there, she was greeted by 2 tired women and a tired little boy. We hugged like we'd known each other forever, and then chatted for at least an hour before we all crashed.
My mom's dog, Bailey, waiting with us.
SATURDAY - GETTING TO KNOW A FRIEND
I had a horrible time attempting to sleep Friday night/Saturday morning due to what I'm pretty sure is a sinus infection, but once we got up, Becky and I were off to explore. We decided to go to the local Renaissance Festival and just "hang out." It was a lot of fun, a lot of walking.
Crazy, wacky shows.
Beautiful costumes. Though...not all of them were. *lol* We had fun pointing out the wacky from the beautiful from the hoochie!
Becky (RAVENSONG) and I at the Ren Faire.
Isn't she just beautiful? And that little clip = SO cute!
We got some costume pics done by a real skeevie guy.
We were at the park from about 11am to 2pm or so, walking most of the time, so it was a good day. It was a lot of fun and it got us a chance to really get to know each other. After we got back to my mom's house, we headed out to Dayton to pick up our race packets (and $500 gift certificates for Red Star sunglasses!)
After that, all that was left was Starbucks (YAY!) and dinner. Mom made some yummy chicken breasts, mashed potatoes, and then Becky and I prepped as many veggies as we could find for huge salads.
SUNDAY - RACE REPORT
10/10/10 - Dayton Corridor Classic 5k
The goal was simple - get Mom to the finish. It was her first ever 5k and she was really worried that she couldn't do it. What I didn't expect was that the overall support would leave us all running to the finish!
The whole gang.
Back row - Me, my step-brother Justin
Middle Row - Logan (my son), Mandy (my sister), Mom, Becky
Front Row - Librada and Tracy (my nieces)
We started late, but once we were off I could tell immediately that I had a challenge ahead of me. It's really hard to get a good breath when you can't breathe from a sinus infection, but I just focused myself and kept going. My only thought was to keep up with the group. About halfway through the first mile, the kids were eager to run. Justin, Logan and Tracy all took off and kept ahead of us the entire time. One thing we learned was that my step-brother looks like a runner. After the race we wished we had just let him go at the start line and run all out to see what his finish would have been.
Me and Becks ready for the gun to sound the start of the race.
Still feeling pretty good in mile 1
Things I learned about Becky this weekend: She's beautiful, inside and out. She fits right in with my family. Like I expected, she's definitely my SFAM (sister from another mother).
As we were crossing the first bridge, I looked over and pointed out the first mile marker to my Mom. "Already?" she said. My sister updated her on her pace (around 18:40) and mom felt encouraged. After the mile marker we initiated her into the drink cup throw (even though she had her camelback on and didn't really need the water...we knew it was just something everyone has to do in their first race. It made her giggle and that made us all smile.) After that mile, though, she already felt the need to pee and, thankfully, they placed a potty right there (and no line!). We waited for her, even though she told us to go on without her, and what really surprised her was that mile 2 was much faster than mile one, even with the stop.
Starting around the end of mile 1, Becky really started pushing my Mom. "If you can talk that much, Chatty Cathy, then you can go faster!" Surprisingly, it worked! Mom pushed herself to run a bit here and there. Once we got past mile marker 2, Becky said, "Leave it all out on the course!" Mom was confused and we all explained to her that she had just 1 mile left and then she didn't have to do any more, this was the time to push and get her very best time. She admitted to us that my step-dad had asked her, "What makes you think you can do it under an hour?" and that she really wanted to prove him wrong. That's all we needed to know, and the encouragement to leave it all out on the field gave my mom the real push she needed. She ran when she could, she stepped up her pace, and when we turned the corner to go into the stadium and she said, "I'm saving it," we asked her WHY. She didn't have an answer...we were almost there. No more saving! We turned the corner just as the first HMer was coming in.
It was funny, as they cheered for the HMer, we pretended it was all for us. (I really need to get that picture from Becky of my mom with her YAY pose! *lol*)
Suddenly, I didn't know what was happening, but my mom was running...and I was running with her. We ran half the track around to the finish line, the four of us finish together - My sister, me, mom, and Becky. And then Mom and I just about collapsed! *lol* We just hadn't trained for running that much. I felt like walking after about 1/4 of the track, but then the finish line was RIGHT THERE...I would feel stupid to run part of the finish and then WALK in. I couldn't stop. It took all my strength, all my breath, all of it, but I pushed it in, and so did Mom. I was completely 100% proud of both of us.
And how did we do time wise? Mom and I both finished in 56:09. It's actually a little over a minute under my first 5k time in August, which surprised me because I wasn't really even trying to make a PR. Felt good!
After the race, we got free massages from students at a local school.
Post-race food options were great! Bananas, yogurt (lite and fruit-on-the-bottom), pancakes and sausage, and pizza.
We got some free stuff, relaxed, and then checked our times and found out that both Tracy and Logan were the only kids in their age ranges, therefore, both won gold medals for the race!
We were already talking about next year and the next race. I think Mom has the racing bug too now. And both my sister and Becky have HMs coming up this weekend. I'm already thinking that I really want to do the Auggie's 5k this weekend and do better than 55, but I need to check with Shane to make sure we don't have any other plans.
Around 11pm they had a kids fun race. They lined all the kids up at one end zone and then had them run to the other end and back. Librada LOVED it! She did it 3 times and wanted to do it a 4th time! *lol* It was really great because they had all these little medals for all the kids who ran. Adorable!
Both Mom and I were sore after the race, so we headed back to the house, watched the Bengals game (because we couldn't get the Chiefs game in for Becky :( ) and then Becky and I both packed up and left.
And that's my boy after all the racing and a crazy weekend! *lol* Why do all my kids end up like this after racing? WHAT? *lol*
So that was my weekend. I had a great time other than getting sick. I still haven't broken my plateau, and I think I've decided not to step on the scale for a week or two and just dedicate myself to really setting my fitness and nutrition goals and meeting them. Hopefully in a couple weeks the big P will break and I'll feel better.
I must admit that I had a mini-meltdown on Sunday. First it was listening to Mom and Becky talk about all the changes that have been made since losing all their weight, changes I haven't really gotten to see, changes that are SOO far away. And then again when I realized that in a huge group of family and friends, I didn't feel like I fit. I'm the only one left who is still fat...and it's going to take me years to get anywhere near where I'll feel like I really fit with them again. It was a really sad couple moments. I just want to belong physically with the people I fit most emotionally and mentally...but both this plateau, and the large amount of weight I still have to lose leave me feeling hopeless sometimes. I'm not saying I'll "quit," just that I still get very, very frustrated. My main goal lately has been to fit into 24s by Thanksgiving or Christmas...but I don't see that coming about anytime soon because I'm still stressing over a lack of progress. *sigh*
It's really difficult, you know...feeling like you're working so hard and then realizing that you still have SO far to go. Realizing that many of the people struggling with you are likely to see their "final" success before you even get to the halfway point. I just want to make sure I remember later how hard this was for me. I'm not saying it's not hard for people who only have 40 pounds to lose...I don't discredit that struggle at all, I just want to remember the emotional challenge of always feeling so far behind everyone else. It's that same feeling you have when the HMer passes you up before you even see the finish line, to realize they could run circles around you. It makes you feel emotionally broken and the mountain grows larger mentally with each step.
Friday, October 08, 2010
People say I write too much usually, but I don't have a lot of time right now so here I go...challenging myself to be brief.
* I went to the doctor. She took blood for a thyroid test, but think I'm just generally a cold person and losing 65 pounds has caused me to be even more cold without that extra insulation. She also pricked me for a glucose test. 118 after about an hour of eating a fig bar = really good, they said. As for the plateau and the 3-week TOM? Basically, she told me to just deal. The Depo takes 6-12 months to regulate finally (I'm on month 5) and the plateau will break eventually.
* This morning I ate scrambled eggs, some hasbrown potatoes, and one slice of bacon. I tried to eat a biscuit, but could only manage one bite. No matter what, I just don't eat like I used to anymore. It was a high calorie breakfast, but manageable. I'm not breaking my goals just because I'm P.O.ed at the scale.
* Today's workout? About 45 minutes of tennis with the Hubs and then 2 hours of cleaning/detailing my car. Yep, it took me that long, it was a MESS! It's still not 100% but I had to rush to get to the doctor's office. As for the tennis - we're both getting better. I've got a pretty good jump serve worked out, and we had one pass were we got like 7 returns! It felt good!!
* I'm about to leave (as soon as Hubs returns or I track him down...he went to get tires on his car 3 hours ago!) for my mom's house. I'm taking my oldest, Logan (11) and we'll be there through either Sunday night or Monday afternoon. RAVENSONG is already on her way there (I'll still beat her! *lol*) and will spend the weekend with us! I'm so excited I can hardly sit still and I'm acting all goofy crazy today! Should be a great weekend!
* Pray for my mom Sunday. (Go stop by her page and wish her luck if you'd like - she's SNOWFLAKE57 on my friends list.) The Dayton Corridor Classic 5k (Walk). The crew includes: Myself, my mother, my younger step-brother, my oldest son, my sister, my 2 nieces, and Becky (RAVENSONG). All we're hoping for is my mom's safe finish, time does not matter. Wish us luck!
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