Thursday, September 30, 2010
So yesterday went pretty well.
6:30am - 1/2 whole wheat bagel with 1 Tbsp. whipped cream cheese
6:30am - 8:00am - 2 cups of coffee with cream (my to-go cup holds 16 oz, but I rarely drink it all and I start my day with about a half a cup before I even leave the house)
9:30am or so - I ate my grape-ity-grapes (YUM!) and some pretzels. MUNCH! MUNCH!
11:30am - I ate my lunch. Slow Cooker Pot Roast with Mashed Taters! SO good! It felt weird to eat "dinner" at lunch, but it was so satisfying!
after that, I pretty much couldn't eat because I had the interview on my mind. Once I got back to my office I got hungry pretty quick, but got wrapped up in chatting.
3:30pm-ish - Carrots with Lite Ranch
4:30pm-ish - I heated up some BetterOats MMMMM....Blueberry (yep, that's what it's called) Oatmeal and a cup of Jasmine tea with one packet of Truvia.
I then left my pineapple in the fridge for a snack for today and headed toward home/the gym. Nearly attempted to kill myself at my workout (more on that later) and then went straight home after.
9pm-ish - I made my favorite omelet. About 1/4 cup of sliced mushrooms, which I cook down a bit first, then 1/2 cup egg beaters with 1/4 cup of 2% cheddar cheese. YUM YUM YUM!
By 10pm I was in bed, exhausted!
I went a little crazy at the gym. My plan was to make up at least 1/2 of the missed workout on Monday, or at least the ST part. I got to the gym about 6:45pm, and after I went pee (have to do this before EVERY workout, I'm just sayin'!), I headed straight upstairs. A quick stretch and I was off!
15 minutes on Cross Training 3 program (OW!), which requires some back peddling (which always just about KILLS the back of my knees, but I know it's helping to make them stonger!).
5 minute cool down
I hopped straight off the elliptical, stretched out my legs, and then headed to my "core/arm" spot in the gym. (It's a spot of carpet out of the way, next to our little classroom area.) I did 3 sets of 15 modified push-ups (my arms were SHAKING!!) and then did 20 regular crunches, 20 bicycle crunches, and 20 more regular crunches.
I then hopped up, drank some more water and headed over to the rowing machine.
A little over 12 minutes and my 2000 meters were done (and I was WORE OUT already!)
Hopped right off that and over to the ab reclining bench. 20 regular crunches, 20 twist with medicine ball, 20 regular with medicine ball.
I did a lap around the track at a fast pace (about 17 min/mile pace) and figured that'd be about it...but I couldn't stop. I found myself in front of the small rarely-used cable machine upstairs, where I did pull downs and cross rows and two ankle strap exercises for the hips (I don't know the names for exercises really, I just have a bit of a photographic memory that helps me remember how to do them when I get there, and I've been reading up on cable machine exercises lately). I did most with about 20-30 lb. weights.
Followed that with 3 more laps around the track and about 10-15 minutes of yoga/stretching. I really took the time with my stretching and I felt good and limber and strong after. Then I headed downstairs.
Downstairs I hit the ST machines and found myself doing 2 reps of every single machine. I did the first 12 reps with a lower weight, and then boosted it up to almost unbearable for the second 12 reps. I took short breaks in between the sets and between machines, but I found myself chasing the clock (the gym closes at 9pm and it was nearing 8:30pm and I was only halfway through). I made it through though, and stretched after, and closed down the place! *lol* I got out of there at 8:45pm, only 15 minutes before closing. It was me, the girl at the front desk, and the cleaning lady sweeping the floor around me. *lol*
How I Feel Log:
Okay, I still had a lull around 3-4 pm or so, but I cured that with the oatmeal and tea. I felt much better all day and not once did I think about snacking on something really bad. At home after my workout, I was too wore out to do much more than eat my omelet and momentarily consider a cup of ice cream (which I didn't have) before I gave up, switched off the TV and went to bed. By 10pm I was falling asleep.
This morning I woke up SORE SORE SORE, but I also woke up at 5am unable to go back to sleep. I don't think I slept restfully, though. I vaguely remember waking up a few times, mumbling something, slapping my husband once across the chest (*lol* I was trying to see if he was in bed with me...he was! *lol*) and looking at the clock and realizing it wasn't time to get up yet. What I wasn't was hungry though. This morning I had a cup of coffee before I finally heated up my bagel. (I was so afraid, waking up at 5am, that I would throw EVERYTHING off today...then I realized that it doesn't HAVE to, I can just watch what I'm doing all day, if I start to get low on calories, I pull back a little.) My 1/2 whole wheat bagel with 1 Tbsp. of whipped cream cheese this morning tasted like HEAVEN! (I *love* it when I really ENJOY my breakfast!) and I followed it with another cup of coffee, vowing that I wouldn't take any with me for the ride to work because I already had 2. (I brought my water bottle, though, and got a jump start on that.)
So I guess the experiment is going well. The self-imposed Boot Camp Circuit Training last night really pushed my muscles to their limit, but not beyond, which is great! I'm looking forward to attempting to make it through Zumba tonight (though I hope she lays off the "arm song" because that MIGHT just send me over the edge! These arms is SORE!!!) and to having lunch with one of my good friends. (Running out of leftovers! *lol* Plus, it's payday!)
Finally, I've been thinking a lot about this weekend. I want to attempt to continue this through the weekend, but it's always harder to keep to a schedule when things change so much.
Friday - Hubs and I discussed the possibility of picking up some tennis balls and a couple rackets and making general fools of ourselves on the tennis courts for 30 minutes to an hour or so while the kids are at school. I've always wanted to play tennis, and never thought I could. Surprisingly, when I pitched the idea, Hubs stated that he always wanted to play tennis too, but had never tried. That settled it! If the rain holds off, we're going to the park to TRY to play tennis! *lol* Hey, at least I'll burn plenty of calories chasing the balls we don't hit! Of course, I have to be careful of the knee.
Saturday - I would *love love love* to do 2 things on Saturday. The first is dinner with a girl from school that I haven't seen since I graduated in May. I miss her dearly and I always feel "lighter" when I'm around her, more care free. We used to joke that she and I are twins in everything but looks. (She's totally stick thin and hates that she CAN'T put on weight because she has just as much difficulty finding any pants to fit her as I do, just an opposite kind of difficulty. *lol*) She's gorgeous, though, and I tell her that all the time (and she always returns the compliment). So, if all goes well, lunch in Charleston with Teeny! (Yes, I call her Teeny or T - her name is Christina, so it's not that far of a stretch! *lol*)
After that, I'd love to drive the boys and Hubs out to Huntington. I'd like to stop at the Old Navy store and pick up the boys some new clothes for school (Logan really needs some new stuff!) and maybe some new pants for the Hubs. Then I'd love to explore Huntington with them a bit. They've never been, so it would be their first time. I only went once with my friend AM and had a pretty good time there. Maybe we'll even catch a movie or something. *shrug*
Sunday - Ethan's football game is at home this week against Warren. (I don't know where or who that is either, so don't worry.) I hope they win!! Football will be coming to a close before we know it, and I'll miss next week's game while I'm up in Ohio with my mom and Becky (RAVENSONG). I've got a race on 10/10/10 (though it's more a family fun thing and support for my Mom than it is an actual competition of any sort).
So that's the 411 on what my thoughts are for the weekend. Today is Thursday, which is my Friday, so by 6pm I'm FREE for 3 days! YAY! Of course, that could all change soon if I land the job I interviewed for yesterday. (For those wondering, I think the interview went really well, but I really have no idea who else they're interviewing or what they really thought of me. I hate the waiting game, but that's where we're at!)
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
For those of you that read my blog yesterday, you'll know that I made my first attempt at midday calorie loading yesterday. Here's the blog that got me thinking:
Now, I'm not the kind of person to just jump on a bandwagon just because I think it might lose me a lot of weight fast. If the ideas in a plan don't click with something in my head, then it's not likely the plan will work for me. It's one of the reasons I can't follow strict menu guidelines - sometimes I don't like all the foods they propose, other times I think, "But what if I'm not in the mood for a hard-boiled egg?" (for the record, I'm rarely ever in the mood for a hard-boiled egg - I hate the texture of the yolk! YUCK!). But while I was reading this blog I kept thinking, "Well, that does make sense."
You see, the plan is simple. Basically, your body doesn't need THAT MUCH to get going in the morning, so you start with a small breakfast. But at lunch, when your metabolism is busy kicking major hiney, you eat a big meal so your body can use that fuel and process it throughout the day. Then at dinner, all you're really going to do is go to bed, so why would you give your body 500+ calories to do something that doesn't require that much energy?
In my head the wheels were turning. First of all, do you all remember that book about why French women don't get fat or something? From my studies of French language and culture, I know that for a long time the French have seen lunch as the most important meal of the day. In the past they shut down offices and schools to allow families to return to their homes and enjoy a nice hearty lunch together before returning back to school or work. It always sounded so lovely to me too. Taking that break midday to really come together as a family. But here in the good 'ole U.S. of A. we've been programmed that you eat light all day and then focus on dinner as the big meal, the family get together. Lunch is generally regarded as lighter, but....WHY? I don't know about any of you, but I fight my "I'm hungry but it's not time to eat" the most during the day. I always attributed it to boredom - I do sit at a desk all day - but maybe it's my body saying, "Okay! I burned all that fuel, now give me more if you want to keep going!" (That's not to say I don't suffer from the evening munchies, but that has less to do with actually feeling HUNGRY, it has to do with tradition and pasttimes of eating in front of the TV.)
What's more, I suffer from a huge lull feeling around 2-3 in the afternoon. There have been times I've simply conked out staring at my computer screen for 2 minutes around 3pm. I never knew why and whatever I tried didn't really work. But maybe, just maybe, my body really does need more fuel midday. One final nail in the coffin, so to speak, is that I rarely feel ravenous after my workout, even though I workout from 7-8 at night. Is my body trying to tell me something? I get a slight hunger, but never anything where I feel the need to pile on a bunch of calories. I can get to bed with something lighter in my tummy, no problem.
So yesterday I put the plan into action. It was actually a horrible day to try to start the plan because I started my day late, around 10:30am or so. Still, it was an interesting experiment, and one I plan to continue today, now that I have more normalcy in my hours.
Around 10:30am I had a half breakfast. 1/2 a whole wheat bagel, with 1 Tbsp. of whipped cream cheese. I also had my usual cup of coffee with cream, and prepared my to-go cup for the drive to work.
I got to work around noon and immediately started munching on my cup of grapes. YUM!
Around 2pm I was feeling hungry, so I ate my lunch, which I usually would have had for dinner. I had a serving of Shane's Slow Cooker Pot Roast with some of my leftover Roasted Veggies.
At 3pm I felt munchy, and hey, I was midday calorie loading so why not give in, right? I munched on some baby carrots with ranch dressing. It wasn't mindless eating, I was actually quite hungry still. (WTF?)
After that I was pretty much full for the rest of the work day. I left the office at 6pm, telling myself I'd eat my banana on the way home. I actually almost forgot, but I did finally eat my banana and then headed to the gym.
GYM: 13 minutes on the elliptical doing interval type training, nearly a mile done in 13 minutes, not to shabby! Following that, a very intense Zumba class, which felt excellent! I was so sweaty and pooped (and worried about my interview today and making sure I had everything ready), I left after stretching and headed straight home.
My plan was simple - a piece of whole grain toast with natural peanut butter and some pineapple. I ate the pineapple while hubby cooked potatoes to make mashed potatoes (hubby peels and boils, but I mash and add the salt/low-fat butter/low-fat milk to make the actual mashed potatoes. The boys all say I make the best mashed potatoes!). Once I was done with the potatoes, I started serving up dishes to the boys and the smell of the pot roast and the fresh made potatoes got to me, I had already set a dish aside for today's lunch but I found myself serving up another dish - for me! I wasn't hungry, I just wanted it. I knew that and I ate it anyways. I was still within my calorie ranges, so I just figured I would try again today with the same plan.
So, not a major fail, but not what I intended. Still, midday meals/snacks were larger than breakfast or dinner, so I'm getting there.
Already ate my 1/2 bagel with 1 Tbsp. of cream cheese.
Already had my morning coffee.
Already feeling a little hungry so I'm about to munch on my grapes again.
Have pot roast and mashed potatoes for lunch.
Then have carrots and ranch, pretzels, and pineapple for other snacks.
Tonight's workout will be rather long, I suspect. Making up for Monday. Lots of Cardio, Double the ST.
Then when I get home I'm going to have my former mushroom/cheese omelet that used to be my favorite breakfast for dinner. I figure it's perfect, not a ton of calories, a little fat, yes, but mostly good protein - a great post-workout meal!
If I get the munchies again, I'm reaching for either a 1/2 cup of ice cream as a treat or my pomegranate.
What do you think? Have you ever tried midday calorie loading? Does your body give you clues that it might be a better plan for you? Even today I was thinking of going out with a friend this weekend and I immediately thought - invite her to LUNCH, not dinner! *lol* We'll see how it works out.
On a bright note - the scale is finally moving back in the right direction again. Back down to 351 today. I can feel the bloat leaving me (my ankles are back to normal!) and that means TOM is almost GONE! WOOT!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
~*~ WTF??? Template for 9/28-10/3 ~*~
* List everything you did for exercise since 9/20. You can list this as minutes, exercises, miles, DVDs- or everything, but list it all out right here:
- 2 Lunch Walk (35 minutes)
- 3 ST sessions
- 6 planks
- 78 push-ups
- 1 boxing session (15 minutes)
- 3 Zumba classes, including new Zumba toning
- 1 Treadmill "push it!" interval session
- 140 crunches
- 2 "Weight Loss" program session on elliptical
- 1 mini-jog across the street
* Because you were able to do all of that last week, what can you do between now and Sunday?
- 100 push-ups
- 200 crunches
- 2 boxing sessions
- 1 rowing sessions
- 1 LDW (long-distance walk)
- 1 C25k attempt
- 2 Zumba classes
- 2 elliptical sessions
* What is your rainy day (backup) plan?
- Walk with a hood/umbrella
- Hit the gym!
* How much time will you devote to exercise between now and Sunday?
- 8 hours minimum
Choose a power food for the week. Something you can use as a go-to healthy snack, or a meal that gives you lots of fuel.
*Repeat the ritual that you created for yourself last week. It's only consistent 'me time' if you do it every week consistently. Tell us what you are going to do for yourself this week.
- Okay, so my bath time did not work out as planned. This week I'm switching gears and trying something different. I'm going to spend at least 20 minutes outside, by myself, reflecting on my goals. I may hike up the hill for this one. I also want to get in a 20 minute photo session with my boys outside. It's fun for us to goof-off and play around with the camera, and while this isn't "me" time, the goof-off time with my boys fills my heart in a way that nothing else can.
* These are the 3 excuses I cannot use this week!
1. I'm too tired.
2. It's taking too long.
3. It's not enough/not working.
* Motivate me this week by reminding me that:
- Okay peeps, I'm not sure HOW to motivate me this week. Maybe tell me to stop thinking and start doing? Maybe tell me what you're doing so I feel like I have to hit my goals along with you? Just being there is also sometimes enough.
So TOM is still hounding me and the cramps are here in full force = not fun. I slept for no less than 10-11 hours last night because of it. Hoping today will feel a little better because of the extra sleep. My body has just been WORE OUT!
So I didn't excercise last night because I was beyond pooped. I went home and hung out instead of going right to bed. *sigh* Well, all that's over! It's back to the gym tonight and I will make that time up somehow. That might mean double rounds on the machines tomorrow night. For tonight, it means more exercise FOLLOWING my regular Tuesday night Zumba class. I'm good with that. :)
So I had myself a pity party this weekend. Okay, enough of that! Time to move forward and let myself off the hook for whatever caused Sunday's gain. I certainly don't want a repeat of that weigh-in, so it's time to get cracking again!
So I decided last night that I'm trying something a little different, and that's calorie loading midday. I read a blog yesterday concerning a talk with a nutritionist in which she explained that midday is when our metabolisms work the best. That means small breakfast, big lunch, small dinner. I'm going to attempt to have a small snack after my workout tonight and nothing else. I'm also going to attempt to get to bed early. I started this morning by eating half a bagel instead of my normal full bagel, then I had some grapes when I got to work.
Here's the blog for anyone interested in reading it:
So I really, really, really need to remember to send out these two things today: my sister's birthday card and my insurance forms for the weight management program.
So, finally, I need to tell you one more thing. I want my freggies back! *lol* Let's be honest here, I've fallen off the "fresh food" bandwagon lately and my body has noticed. No more! I stocked up on pineapple, grapes, bananas, carrots, celery, peppers, potatoes, green beans, and even bought a pomegranate. When it doubt, I'll be reaching for these!
Hope you all have a lovely week. I have a job interview tomorrow with another agency for a job that will give us a bit more money, so WISH ME LUCK!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Well, as you all know, I had a bit of a rough weekend. My weekend usually starts on Friday and, as you can see from my blog from Saturday, I spent that day in a highly active state, which was not without its defaults (mainly, getting hurt). Here are my lovely bruises today from the fall on Friday. (Ugh, I can't believe I'm posting this. I *hate* my legs so...I apologize. Focus on the bruises! FOCUS!)
That top one, you can see, is right next to my inner knee. There's another on my calf. I have no real clue how these ended up here after that fall but, whatever. They don't hurt anymore but they look ROUGH! (They sure did hurt Saturday and Sunday!)
See my spotted leg? That's what hurts more than anything, even today!
The theme of the day - Rest, rest, rest...well, sorta! And ANIMAL FARM!
Saturday started off in pain. I struggle with soreness from my exercise most weeks, and I usually push through it and rarely even bother to mention it. But the pain this weekend was from HEAD to TOE! There was no working around it. I started to tease Hubs that I couldn't even do hand and foot exercises because of the pain in my second toe on the left foot as well as the soreness from twisting my ankle the day before, and because of my thumb, which has been really sore for weeks now. No clue why, btw. So I vowed to rest. And everyone confirmed it.
Ethan - (in a silly voice) "I'm here to serve you ma'am! Whatever you need, just yell and I'll get it!" *lol* By rest I didn't mean I couldn't move, just that I wasn't exercising. I explained that to him and he said, "Oh! Okay!" and then bopped away. Silly boy. Shane - "You've done enough. Just rest."
We did go to the grocery store before the OSU game and, without a list, I did an excellent job shopping. Most everything came from the produce department because I've really been craving fruits and veggies lately! I got green beans and peppers and a pineapple and grapes! YUM! By the time we were about to leave the boys all were hungry (and I was too) and the kids suggested buying these fish sandwiches that Krogers has. I've been craving a good fish sandwich so I figured - what the heck? It was crap. I took a bite to stop my stomach from causing a headache and then went home to make myself a turkey sandwich on wheat. (It even had cheese on it! EWW! I hate fish and cheese, it just doesn't seem right together!)
All of this later had to be taken back when we headed over to the football BBQ at the house of one of Ethan's teammates. See, there are sometimes warnings that come attached to invitations here in good 'ole WV. This one started out, "Is THAT your car? Do you have anything else?" *lol* The hill/driveway to the house was pretty much straight up in one spot. No way my girl Betty (our van) was going to make it up, especially because she needs a muffler touch up right now. Hubs' car would have definitely not made it up. Their solution was for us to park at the grandparents' place and give him a call so he could pick us up. No problem. Problem! *lol* No cell reception.
So what did we do? We hoofed it up the hill (the other lady who said she was going to have to try wouldn't even attempt it! *LOL*). I didn't think it was honestly going to be that hard since I'm in much better shape, but that hill was a PITA! Serious! I felt like I was still 466 pounds and couldn't walk. I nearly gagged trying to catch my breath. My feet were so slanted coming up the hill I thought I was simply going to slide back down! We made it up though and, thankfully, (a benefit to my fitness level) my breathing came back to normal before we got too close to anyone for them to hear me panting like a rabid dog! The bonus of living on top of a hill like that? A gorgeous setting! Up away from everything. It was beautiful.
And the best thing about their house was that it was beautifully hand-constructed (6 years and still not done, but what is done is absolutely breathtaking!).
This photo can not do it justice. Even inside was all wood, and one of those antler chandeliers too! It was beautiful! A true WV cabin!
Also, this property gives one the ability to house an entire zoo full of animals! Horses, two dogs, a turkey, two ducks, at least 1 chicken, and I have no clue what else they might've had inside!
(This pup reminded me of the little snippy puffball in The Dark Crystal.)
We had a great time, really. I kept updating everyone on various football scores (thank you ESPN ScoreCard app!) and we talked a lot about football and other random things. Let me say that I have a hard time making friends with parents of other kids. I often think they won't like me or something. Heck, it's the reason I have a difficult time making friends period. So Hubs and I have really been trying to attend all these football functions so that we can really get to know other people around us and feel a part of the group. Too often I feel like an outsider, not because of anything that they do, but because I'm too shy to butt in until I've been around them a while. (My fault, not theirs.) Most of them are great people.
As for food, I had a hot dog, on a bun, with mustard, and a half a cheeseburger. I ate about a tablespoon or two of baked beans and about a tablespoon of potato salad, with 4 cool ranch doritoes. To drink I had water and diet rite. (And had stomach problems again later - maybe Splenda and I no longer get along! Me and my old friend may have to part ways!) Hubs kept telling me to let go a little and just enjoy the food. He's been getting on me lately about taking it so seriously and kicking my own butt so bad. He's also been teasing me when I slip up instead of hounding me ...instead of "Are you sure you want that?" he says, "Yeah! Let's fatten you up!"
We had a wonderful time until Ethan starts yelling at another kid and I have to stop the screaming of, "Just freakin' leave me alone, Sam!" Come to find out, Sam hauled off and punched my son in the nose because he had something that Sam wanted. BTW...these kids are EIGHT!, not two. Stupid kid! Everyone got him ice and voiced to us how wrong it was to have happened, and then Sam disappeared for about 10 minutes only to resurface without ever apologizing. (That is NOT the way I would have handled the situation as a mother, I'm just saying!) Ethan was good, a little bump on the nose and a fun story to tell about how he was a victim of violence. *rolls eyes* Boys!
We left around 7pm or so. We wanted to get off the hill before it was dark and get home in time for the WVU game. (They ended up driving us down the hill so we didn't have to hoof it again.) Unfortunately, WVU lost to LSU. It was a tough game, a game of defenses, and their defense was just better than ours. *sigh* Hubs proceeded to make his greatest attempt at finishing off a 12-pack of Yuengling Black & Tan bottles while I fought with my straightening irons.
I won. (BTW - Another thing that's been stressing me about this whole scale issue is that I've been feeling and seeing myself as thinner in the past few weeks, but the scale isn't reflecting it so I start to doubt myself and my own perception.)
After the game it was off to bed for me while Hubs watched a UFC fight. (I grew up in a violent household so the idea of watching people beat the crap out of each other is not my idea of entertainment!)
Theme of the day - ANGRY and bitter
I woke up to the disappointment of the scale. I then proceeded to eat my regular healthy breakfast, and, just out of spite, followed it with a couple bowls of cereal. For lunch - Kraft Mac N Cheese, which I had been craving since April but is a major no-no (I cannot resist eating and eating and eating of this horrible-for-me food so it stays in the back of the pantry. I won't even let the kids cook it unless I'm out of the house!). I didn't overeat it though since I had to share with both my boys. For dinner? Salmon with canned veggies. And then it started...
While the salmon was cooking I cut up a bunch of veggies - fresh green beans, 3 beautiful different colored bell peppers, red potatoes, onions - coated them in some olive oil, salt, pepper, and thyme and put them in the oven. I have a huge bowl of amazing roasted veggies in the fridge for the week! (Of course, I had to have a small bowl of them when they were done!)
After eating our salmon, of which I couldn't finish and gave to Ethan, I found mysel back in the kitchen mixing 1 lb of ground turkey with 1 lb of ground chicken for our Tator Tot Casserole. It's an easy fallback that everyone LOVES in the house! Never a complaint...except when I say there's no more! *lol* I cooked up a full double batch of the stuff and, while Dexter was on, portioned out a little for myself and portioned out the rest for the fridge. (I later went back and ate another serving of it.)
So all the while I'm both rebelling against my 2 pound gain and ignoring it. I felt like the whole "left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing" thing was going on. It was weird...but I didn't feel stuffed or uncomfortable. Maybe I was hungry? *shrug*
I did end up cleaning a lot of the kitchen (Hubs even commented that it looked really good!) and then played football with the boy later, even though it was still sprinkling. So I did what I set out to do for the day, plus more. I didn't count or track a thing, and I don't intend to. To hell with it! One day of not killing myself over calorie counts and how much I burned. I needed one day!
Now I know this has been a long blog, but it was an emotional weekend and there's one more puzzle piece to add to it. Yesterday, after the business of everything, after the scale disappointment, after falling down, after feeling out of shape going up that hill, after all of it, I had a break down when I realized my son had used all the laundry detergent and didn't bother to tell me. (I wasn't even sure I had clean underwear for today! --- I did...ONE PAIR! PHEW!) I laid down in my bed and just started to cry. I had talked to Hubs earlier about the scale issue and he had hugged me and told me that it was okay, but I was still broken about everything that had been happening (plus, it's still TOM for crying out loud, and it's been over a week!). Hubs laid down beside me, pulled me into him, and told me that I was NOT a big, fat failure. He told me that I was amazing and that I would get there before I was 50 years old (*lol*). He told me that, no matter what, he was proud of me. And he thanked me for sharing all of the nonsense in my head with him instead of bottling it up like I normally do. I'm still working through the emotions, but I feel better today (other than lack of sleep because of a stupid cat) after really talking it all out (even some stuff I WON'T tell all of you...see I'm not always 100% raw and honest, I can't be!).
So, all in all, my theme for the weekend was summed up in that one word - compassion. Sometimes that's all we need. A sympathetic ear, and some compassion.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Starting Weight: 466.6
SP SW: 416.2
Last Week: 352.2
This Week: 354.8
SP Total Loss: 61.4
Total Loss: 111.8
Quote of the Day:
ďItís not who you are that holds you back, itís who you think youíre not.Ē
I could give you a million excuses for this gain. Well, I could try, but I'm not really to the point of understanding, yet.
Let's review last week's goals:
Weight Goal: 350
(Let's face it...I'd love for it to be 349.9 or lower! *lol*)
* Measure everything!
* Record/track everything!
* Find some time to make dinners. I did PRETTY well with this, honestly. There were a few nights where things went a little wonky, but beside my one Chinese dinner, everything was on track at least with my calorie goals.
* Sunday - 2-3 mile walk
* Monday - 1-2 miles treadmill or elliptical, abs on reclining bench, full ST, push-ups, planks, cable machine for hips
* Tuesday - Zumba
* Wednesday - 2-3 miles treadmill or elliptical, ST, rowing except the rowing
* Thursday - Zumba
* Friday - 3-4 miles treadmill or elliptical, ST, boxing -- Okay, not really. I got about 2 miles on the elliptical, and ST, but I didn't do the boxing because I traded in Zumba toning
* Saturday - C25k attempt 4 with modifications I just had to take a rest day. Of course, my rest included hiking up a huge hill to get to the house where we were attending a BBQ.
Ultimate fitness goal - Calorie burn of 3000-4000 4404+ burned
* Write at least 1 page a day for 4 work days.
* Use extra time for writing articles.
* Look for and apply to at least 2-5 jobs. (2)
* Make sure all forms are in for Weight Management program through insurance company. BAH! I need to send mine in tomorrow.
So, no, I'm not quite sure how I got this far off track this week. I'm hoping it's a fluke, but I had a mini-meltdown this morning. You know the kind. Where you think how much of a waste it is to be constantly kicking your own butt only to not being seeing any results. I'm getting no closer to my weight goals this week, I'm getting further away, even though I busted my own butt and have the bruises and soreness to show for it.
I have no words of wisdom today. I'm angry at the process. I'm angry at myself because I'm not sure what went so wrong, but I still wish I could change SOMETHING to make it right. *sigh* It's rainy and cold outside, and that really reflects my mood.
Whatever. Moving on.
* Continue tracking.
* Stay within 1600-1800 calories.
* Eat healthy meals. Make ahead where possible, or make quick dishes that work with the plan.
* Sunday - Cleaning at least 30 minutes, play some football with Ethan when the rain lets up
* Monday - 2-3 miles on elliptical or treadmill, boxing, ST, core and abs
* Tuesday - Zumba
* Wednesday - 3-4 miles on elliptical or treadmill, rowing, ST, core and abs
* Thursday - Zumba
* Friday - 4-5 miles walking, elliptical, or treadmill, ST, core and abs, rowing/boxing
* Saturday - Play with the kids for exercise (we're thinking of picking up a couple tennis rackets and some balls to play around on the tennis court), C25k Attempt or a long walk with Logan
* Take some pictures. This calms me.
* Blog every day, even when it isn't pretty.
* Keep up with my team challenges.
* End September with a BANG!
* Find and apply to a few more jobs.
* Create a new vision wall for Fall.
*sigh* On we go. I hope next week sees me in a better mood. Sorry for the blah today, but can you blame me? It's really hard to feel like you've done all you've can and you still fall short. I know it's not a new feeling. I know everyone feels this way from time to time, but it hurts so much to feel not good enough to reach the goals I've set for myself. It hurts so much to see my fitness level improving and yet not seeing the scale go in the correct direction. I'm still over 350 pounds...I still have SO much to do, SO far to go. A wasted week kills me because I want to be in those 24s by Christmas and I keep feeling my goal slipping though my fingers. No matter how much I realize how far I've come, this week I just keep thinking it's not far enough.
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