CALLIKIA   23,828
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Major Shout Out

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

To all of you. Those who know me well, and those who don't. For everyone who stopped by yesterday to both console and yell at me. I WAS being a negative Nancy, because that's how I felt about the entire thing. I felt dejected. I felt like my body wasn't living up to my expectations for it. And, yes, I know how rediculous it sounds, but I felt like I was moving TOO SLOWLY!

Oh, and for the record - several of you actually made me tear up while I was at my son's football game last night (reading comments on my iPhone when he wasn't on the field). So, uhm, thanks for that. *dripping with sarcasm* ... *totally kidding* ;)

Your comments generally echoed the same general sentiments:

"Yes you can...maybe just not YET."
"Listen to the pain in your body and back off a bit, but don't give up entirely!"
"Just keep chugging along. You'll get there!"
"I've been gets better!"

MENACE79 gave me some specific instructions to write down all the can'ts turned can this year. I hear you. Here you go:

Some can'ts...Now I can:
Walk a mile without breathing heavily.
Stand up from sitting for a while without feeling soreness in the joints.
Walking without constant discomfort.
Walk a 30 minute mile.
Walk a 24 minute mile.
Walk a 20 minute mile.
Walk a 18 minute mile.
Walk a 16 minute mile.
Walk 2 miles straight comfortably, at a steady pace.
Walk 3 miles straight comfortably, at a steady pace.
Climb hills without gasping for air like I'm going to die.
Climb rock walls and the side of cliffs without physcial support.
Hike for a mile in the woods.
Hike for 5.5 hours in the woods, with hills and streams and rock walls and the like.
Walk 4 miles straight, comfortably, at a steady pace.
Walk 5 miles straight, comfortably, at a steady pace.
Walk 6.2 miles.
Compete in a race.
Complete a 5k.
Complete a 5k under 60 minutes.
Complete a 10k.
Walk faster than my youngest son.
Walk in pace with my super-fast husband.
Ride a bike.
Spend weekends being active.
Garden for several hours without giving up and sitting down.
Understand that water refreshes body and soul.
Understand that good food doesn't have to be boring.
Encourage my family to be active.
Seek out ways to exercise, stay active, and compete.
Find the thrill in any athletic competition.
Hit a punching bag without looking like a fool and hurting myself.
Hit a speedbag with a regularly, semi-fast rhythm.
Row 2000m on the rowing machine in under 15 minutes.
Row the same in under 13 minutes.
Stay on the elliptical for longer than 30 minutes.
Stay on the elliptical for 45 minutes.
Complete 1 60-minute Zumba class without serious modifications.
Enjoy an aerobic class.
Feel like I have something to teach other people at the gym.
Batch cook on weekends for a health-full week.
Get my youngest to eat more vegetables.
Get my oldest to eat a ton of new foods, and make him prefer them over the crap.
Get my husband to get out of the house.
Be called a motivator.
Write things that others will want to read.
Provide opinions that will help others succeed.
Run for 60 seconds without hurting or feeling completely out of breath.

Did you see that last one? Yep, I said it. See, in my sea of can't I couldn't even see the clouds above. I couldn't recognize how beautiful the water was or even enjoy the sunlight on my face, because I was so busy feeling like I was drowning. But you all remind me something...I have a choice. Sink or swim. Give up or move on. Only I can decide how to proceed from me, but I have to decide TO proceed. What's that saying about how even if you're on the right path, you won't get anywhere if you're standing still? Very true.

So my cry of desperation yesterday was answered by all of you reminding me of the things I had forgotten. And I felt renewed and envigorated again. I felt ready to try something else. Ready to give way to a new idea, new patterns of thinking, new ways of training. Whether it's expanding upon that first run segment or shortening the run segments altogether. Whether it's going back to walking goals or trying still to accomplish this one thing I have wanted my whole life. Either way, I'll get there...eventually. I've got a few things to try still yet (and I'll let you know how they go), but when I exhaust those ideas, I'll return to what works, add in some hip-specific ST moves to my 3 times a week ST routines, and see what happens 10 pounds, or one month from now.

But I wanted to do one specific thing today. I wanted to thank you all for what you said, what you didn't say, and for slapping me out of it (some of you). A major shout out to:


Thank you all so very much for being the voice in the darkness, telling me that just because we feel pain, doesn't mean we're dying. Sometimes pain is our body's way of reminding us that we're still alive. And as long as we're alive, there will be time to go after dreams, even those lofty ones that take a good long time to reach. As one (or many) of you said so well - One day, one step at a time ...I'll make it there eventually. And then you'll get to read the CAN blog, because I promise there WILL be one! *lol*

To answer a few questions:
- No, I didn't get "fitted" for shoes. Haven't found a place around here that does that. Had to do my own research and determine the kind of shoes I needed. The new shoes feel amazing and I love them! If I do finally find a running store that does fitting, I promise to drop by and make sure my assumptions through online research were correct and, if not, buy new shoes to correct the problem. There is the added bonus that I got a Nike + senor and watch to go with my shoes, so I can now record both my walks and my runs! AWESOME!

- Yes, it's only in one hip. And I do have a few concerns that it might be something actually if it continues after a while I'll call the doc and get in right away. I don't have these pains while walking long distances, only from running. If I go to the doctor for any other unrelated issue, I'll point this out to her as well. I think I should probably go in sometime soon anyhow just to check in and to get some more heavy-duty ibuprofen! *lol*

- Uhm, yes, you have to understand that I don't RUN even when I run. It's stupid slow. I can seriously walk faster than I can "run." But it's a different feeling least to me.

- C25K is a great program, and I've used it in the past...but maybe it's just not right for me right now.

- I have been training on the elliptical and I love that machine for the calories it burns for me! But it's not the same...there's not the same heel to toe action and whenever I try to make it more like running, I nearly fall off the machine! *lol*

- No, I'm not running on the treadmill. One of those things I will not allow myself to do yet. Period. I have no problem running in the gym or in front of people, but I know for a fact that I'm a little over the weight limit on the best treadmill at the gym, so running on it would be a major no-no in my head. I don't want to ruin the experience for everyone else. (That being said, I used to be 30 pounds over the limit, now I'm just 5 pounds over! Soon, my dears, soon...) Also, there is a part that scares me about doing it on the treadmill...the inability to quickly adjust your speed. One thing about the treadmill, you set it to do 20 minute miles and you're doing them unless you push that button...I don't think I have the coordination yet to run on the thing either. Let's just say, I have my reasons and there are plenty of them.

Finally, I have to say that I think the lack of finisher medals for walkers at my last race hit me a little harder than I let myself think it did. During my sob fest to Hubs I heard myself cry out "NOBODY cares about walking!" and an image of that moment, that empty feeling after crossing that finish line popped into my head. It wasn't right on so many levels. Because what all you said is true. I didn't realize I felt so strongly about it, but I felt like I was stripped of all manner and level of respect in that one moment! I felt completely inadequate. I had to defend myself in writing for why "JUST WALKING" should be recognized too. It was disheartening and humiliating, like much of my struggles with dealing with people and my weight have been. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this information, but I just wanted to admit that my subconscious belched this up and I realize now that my negativity toward walking again has come from that place of rejection.

Anyhow, thank you all so much from the bottom of this here old heart. I really do appreciate the support and love!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATROTTIER 9/20/2010 4:40PM

Thanks for the shout out and all the encouragement you give me as well!!

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SPUNKYDUCKY 9/17/2010 9:46PM

    Love the list of what you CAN do. I have been sulking to myself all week about a few mistakes I made on vacation, but have fought my way back to active and look forward to catching up with you!

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KITHKINCAID 9/16/2010 6:07PM

    Glad you're back on track emotionally. An attack of the CAN'Ts is so hard!

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ERIN4771 9/16/2010 12:41PM

    awesome blog!!! emoticon

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RAVENSONG37 9/16/2010 2:22AM

    FYI, I have been in several races and I have never received a medal. I think this is such a great example of seeking outside recognition for an inner need. It's looking for people to notice that we have lost weight or changed our hair colour. It's hoping others will make us happy or fulfilled. But that's all inside all has to start within us first. You gotta know that walking is worth it...that you are doing great things and that you deserve all the goodness in your life. This is what I'm reading in your words. Thank you for helping me to hear this today. You have to be your own loudest cheerleader cuz a) you're the most important spectator in your own life and b) sometimes you're the only one you'll be able to hear. I hope I'm being clear...this is stirring something really deep inside of me.

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MNGIRLIE 9/15/2010 9:50PM

    Your list of CANs is AMAZING!!!!! Bravo to you. You've come so far! What a great motivational thing for you to do. Glad you're feeling better than yesterday. We all have highs and lows and the amazing support here is what makes SP work!


Thanks too for the shout out. That was sweet of you.

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    Seems like whenever I am having one of those days, when I wonder why I just don't go find a cliff and jump. I for some reason, end up on your page and read your blog and am reminded why I don't just find a cliff. I am so thankful for having a friend like you to keep me grounded in the can do of this situation and not focused on the cant's!!! Thank you for your amazing courage and tenacity!!! Goddess Bless!!!

hugs and happiness,
Ciara emoticon

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FLWRCHLD97 9/15/2010 5:23PM

    I care about walking... emoticon. It's all I can do right now too.

I'm so happy that you're feeling the bright side of things again. I was thinking to myself though, if you are still trying to quit smoking, that's gonna mess with your mind and emotions too. At least it did for me. My emotions were way out of whack, very touchy, etc. I'm not saying that's the reason, but it might have something to do with how you were feeling yesterday.

You are well loved on SP, don't ever doubt that!!!! We all have faith in you (hope the other members of SP don't mind me talking for them, hee hee), we've seen how far you've come already and we know you are capable of so much more. I know I can't wait to see the rest of the story unfold!

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SIDKROSE 9/15/2010 5:12PM

    Thanks for the shout out, I needed that today. Oh, and for the record, I totally know what you mean about running being different that any kind of walking, even if it's the slowest run ever and a little toddler could go faster! lol.

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SARAWALKS 9/15/2010 5:08PM

    I'm lighter than you and there's a BUNCH of stuff on that list that I can't do! You are emoticon and don't forget it!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHICAT63 9/15/2010 4:57PM

    Aw, thanks for the shout-out ! What an impressive list and when did you start again only a couple of months right. Well, Sista you have accomplished amazing things and are not done yet. Of course of here we're here for ya, for sure will be looking forwards to your next goals. Your shalls will become wills....a colleague and me always say the following: " I don't wanna but I'm gonna ". emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JEREMY723 9/15/2010 4:53PM

    What a wonderful "I can" list. I know many people who are a lot lighter than you who can't walk a 16 minute mile or run that fast either. Good for you!

I wish I had more advice, especially about your hip, other than to ask the doctor about it and keep on this journey in general:)

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KT-NICHOLS-13 9/15/2010 4:37PM

    You got "SPARKED" yesterday! You sound so much better today and took what everyone gave you and made it even better. Loving your list and your attitude. And, sometimes we get down ... it's not all sunshine and rainbows in this quest we are on and putting it out there is brave and shows strength. I applaud that!

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MEGSFITNESS 9/15/2010 3:56PM

    *great big old happy hugs* yay :) Glad you're back.

I feel the same way about ellipticals. It's just NOT the same. Plus, running on the treadmill is vastly different than running outside too.. No worries not wanting to yet!

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REBECCAMA 9/15/2010 3:55PM

  Like Menace said... wow, what a great list! And look at all those names! You are never alone when you are on Spark I guess. WTG!!!

emoticon emoticon

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SANDBBAR 9/15/2010 3:54PM

    Great "I can" list! You should be very proud of yourself.
Nothing wrong with just walking!! I'm thrilled to be just walking 2 -3 miles after struggling with doing nothing for a few years with Fibromyalgia. If your hip prevents you from running somehow (and I hope it doesn't) just walking will be great exercise for you! emoticon

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MENACE79 9/15/2010 3:53PM

    Holy Freakin Moly! Look at that list - I KNEW it would be a mile long! Check out all the things you have accomplished all for the sake of making a better, faster, stronger, healthier YOU. That is just awesome.

You've got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of - it's totally time for chest-puffing. Your list of cans reads like my list of can'ts. But they are not can'ts I guess...

They are just can't yets. Or WILLS! I like wills better. :)

Glad I could help break through the mental funkiness!

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CALLIKIA 9/15/2010 3:28PM

    REAL gardening. I'd do the other but that timing is NOT up to me.

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MAGPIE17 9/15/2010 3:21PM

    First of all: "Garden for several hours without giving up and sitting down." Please specify - Gardening-gardening, or "gardening" gardening :P.

Thanks for the shout-out! Glad you're feeling more positive :D. (and I can't do the elliptical - it feels weird to NOT lift my feet off of it!)

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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I hate that word. Like serious anger and venom spews from me when someone says that I can't do something. It's even worse if I'm told that the reason is because of my weight. It's just a "reason" I'm sick and tired of hearing already. I've been fat my entire life, and just about every doctor I've run across has used this one excuse or reason for almost all of my health problems. I swear if I got cancer tomorrow some of my past doctors would tell me that I got it because I'm fat. I don't know why, but I don't want to believe that this one thing can be the cause of everything that has ever been wrong with me throughout my entire life. Couldn't some things just be wrong with me because of my genetic make-up, or some other reason. Maybe one or two could just be a statistical fluke?

Still, I know there are some things that are because of my weight. My pre-diabetic status is because of my weight, my poor eating habits, etc. My poor fitness is because of my weight. And some of the things I can't do in this world is due to my weight (hello, weight restrictions!). So, yes, I accept that. But when I started this journey, I believed that there wasn't anything I couldn't do eventually...with enough work and training. I'd take it slow and eventually work my way to it. I thought it was the same with running, which is why I avoided it until now.

In the past five months I've increased my stamina and fitness level through walking, and I'm honestly in some of the best shape I've been in since high school. So, in my head, following walking an EASY 10k, I thought for sure I could try running...just a little. I had hoped it was time for C25k but I was fine with having to do week 1 for months. I was fine in my head with going very slowly. I had done this program back in 2008 as a way to train for a trip to NYC, where I knew there would be a TON of walking. I did weeks 1 and 2 for a LONG time, and I never got beyond that. So now that I'm in much better shape, I thought I could do at least that again and, hopefully, eventually, get to weeks 3 and 4.

So I tried. And the running part felt great, but in the third running segment I felt this sudden PULL in my hip and OW, OW, OW! I limped the rest of the way home. I've tried another time and walked some even when they told me to run. I was trying to take it slowly. My running was barely even running. So I thought that maybe I had the wrong shoes. And I researched for weeks, selected the right pair for me and they arrived today.

I was nervous today but I tried anyhow. The first running segment felt GREAT! These shoes are CLOUDS, baby! *LOVE* it! But then the second running segment comes around and within seconds of starting I'm feeling a little discomfort in my left hip again. GRR! I was frustrated. I knew I wouldn't be able to finish, but I had to check my posture. I tried leaning forward a little, I tried standing up straight, I tried seriously engaging my core, I tried picking up my legs differently, I tried everything I could think of and some things seemed to work a tiny bit for a second, and then the pain returned. The third segment came and I tried a few more things but the discomfort became real pain and I *had* to stop.

So, I guess that's it. I can't. Am I REALLY TOO FAT TO RUN? When will I be NOT TOO FAT?

I got on the elliptical and set it on the weight loss program, 28 minutes long with a 5 minute cool down after. It was a hard 28 minutes. I went from nearly crying to absolutely angry. I went from pain to feeling a good stretch in my hip. I went from wanting to just jump off the upper level of the gym to just wanting to give up and go home. I finished my workout, did 10 minutes of stretching, really focusing on my hip, and went home completely depressed. I held it together on the way home, but all I could think was that word -- CAN'T. I can't run. I know, I know, not yet. But for right now that still means CAN'T.

I got home and hobbled inside and collapsed into a heap on the couch and just cried. Hubs held me and tried to reassure me that I'm doing everything right, that I'll get there eventually, that all is not lost...but I just kept hearing that word -- CAN'T.

I have no upside to the blog. I haven't come around to a better way of thinking. I'm still tearing up while reading this blog because I feel like a big, fat failure. I can't run. It's all I really want right now and I just can't. And the only reason I can think of for this big CAN'T is my weight. My stomach is too big, and it causes too much pressure on my hip when I run. I don't know what to do to fix it other than wait until my stomach gets much, much smaller...which I constantly fear it never will. I'm scared I'll never get there. I'm not asking to run a marathon...I just want to run for like a half a mile...maybe 2 some day. But I can't work my way up to 1/2 a mile if I can't run AT ALL right now.

Scared. Annoyed. Frustrated. I wish there were a weight limit to running so I had a way to work toward it. But I don't ever know when I'll reach that point. I don't know how to work toward something that is so....out there. Something that is so vague. As for now, I'm just going to cry a "why-is-me" cry because I can't.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KITHKINCAID 9/16/2010 5:53PM

    Ah hun. You know - you've said it before - you have a much bigger challenge than a lot of us here in terms of weight to lose - but that doesn't mean that some of us don't know exactly what you're going through with that "can't" feeling. Only you have the ability to fix it right now though, so you have to focus on all the cans. You CAN do so much now compared to where you were 6 months ago. And - when you DO get to being able to run, you're going to have to know how to set up that big 'ole CAN'T and kick it square in the face - because the mental battle is WAY harder than the physical battle when it comes to putting one foot in front of the other. But I know you know this. And I know you're capable of beating it down. YES YOU CAN!

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ERIN4771 9/16/2010 12:33PM

    running's overrated anyway.....ok, skip that one, the point is you are MOVING, that's what matter s right now, not if you can run 2 miles, hell, i can only run sprints, because A. i hate running B. it gets over quicker and C. i need to keep changing things up.....e, if you want to run, you will, i know this because i see what a strong person you are, and won't let anything get in you way....maybe not today, or tomorrow, but eventually you will run, but for now, like vanessa said....suck it up!! you ARE doing a fabulasssss job, give credit where credit is due chica!!!!!

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MAGPIE17 9/15/2010 2:43PM

    Hugs, Esther. You will lose weight in your stomach as long as you keep this up; I know you will! And when you do meet with the trainer, she can help you plan/train so that you WILL run someday soon, I know it!

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ATROTTIER 9/15/2010 1:30PM

    You are running girl! you are running along this healthy journey and YOU CAN do anything but we all have to train for our dreams and you are still in training and it's making you stronger everyday! I'm doing the C25K program too and my hips are my biggest issue as well, oh man the pain they put me in during and after is something I really wasn't expecting but little my little it will get better. Pick yourself back up and brush it off cuz i know YOU CAN!! emoticon

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-SHIMMER-ANN- 9/15/2010 10:30AM

    I'm gonna be a big meanie brat for a second...

I can't run. I get injured within a WEEK of regular running, at a 10 minute pace. I have to jog. HAVE to jog. My ankles are sh*t, my knees are sensitive, and my back loves to spasm. LOTS of skinny girls CAN'T RUN.

Also, the elliptical. LOADS of people cannot do the elliptical. I've seen my teeny friends hop on beside me, and quit after FOUR minutes. They're tiny little legs burn, they don't have the strength, they want to throw up.

Next would be walking. SO many people canNOT walk a 10K. Walking a 10K at your current weight is a DREAM for sooooooo many people. I'm sure you suffer a lot of pain (maybe??) when walking long distances, but others suffer INJURY. What if you couldn't even walk???

Girl, SUCK IT UP!! You're doing a FANTASTIC job, and you WILL get there!!!! Maybe you won't EVER be able to run, but you ARE able to do what counts...MOVE!! Now quit belittling yourself, and stop loathing your body's ability...because seriously mama?? You're A-F*@#ING-MAZING.

Okay, that's it for big meanie brat Vanessa. The elliptical is better for your health and joints anyway, and even though you CAN run with more weight, why not save those BLESS-ED joints you have until it's comfortable? Don't start problems for your future, skinny self that you will regret later. Just sayin...

*hugs* don't hate me!!!!!!!

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_DASH_ 9/15/2010 6:11AM

    you're a runner in my mind.
mentality is everything.

"everything changed the day i realized if i were to run, i would have to run with the body i had." - john bingham.

even if you stop, go slow, get pain, feel uncomfortable, have to stop, cant imagine getting there, you are still a runner.

just keep trying. keep going. keep going.
when i started i couldnt run a half a mile without stopping and feeling like i could die.
but i just kept telling myself that the only person who could say anything about my process or progress or capability or identity was me. and that's when my life started. it took me many many weeks of running the same puny strip down my road and walking back and starting again the next day before i even conceptualized running a mile and then 2.3 and then 3.56... and then...

savor everything that happens. even the pain.

the journey is the destination. some day before you even realize time has gone by, you will look back on your beginnings and cry in a different way - because you wont believe how far you have gotten. the journey IS the destination, as mezzo said earlier in her blog. i love that.

i love you.

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SIDKROSE 9/15/2010 4:17AM

    I'm a tiny bit under 300 lbs now, and I started jogging at about 305. I made up my own C25K program because I know my body best. I started with 30 seconds of running and 2 min 30 sec of walking and over the past 4 1/2 weeks I've worked my way up to 3 minutes of jogging and 2 minutes of walking.I run at an absolute snail pace, pretty sure most people can walk faster, but I never thought I'd get there. You'll get there too! And when you do, I'll be here, cheering you on. If I've learned anything from jogging, it's that you HAVE TO listen to your body. It will tell you when you're ready and when you're not. So really, it's not that you can't, it's just that you're not quite ready yet!

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BAYBELIEVER 9/14/2010 11:48PM

    Oh, I could so have written this blog. I am right there with you. I was so excited a week or so ago when I ran 4 segments of 20-30 steps each. And I haven't been able to do it since. My plantar fasciitis is not happy with me. So I am right there, worrying that my PF is going to hinder everything I want to do. I don't think I am a runner. But, darn it, I want to be able to try! I played basketball in college! I want to try!

And, you had me chuckling about doctors blaming everything on your weight! Oh, so true! I get a hangnail. It is because I am overweight. Dandruff? I am overweight. And I had just had this discussion with my sister yesterday about how the minute I walk through the door the doctor has already decided what my problem is. And try talking to them about what to do about it? Oh, surgery is your best solution. Really? In 4 minutes you know enough about me to know that is the only solution?

So, while you won't want to hear it right now: WE, yes WE, are going to show them how wrong they are! And you are going to run someday! You are going to do it. The fact that you are even trying shows how far you have come! It will happen. Yeah, when another 10 lbs is off and things have tightened up a bit more, then you will try again! And sooner, rather than NEVER, you will RUN! I know it! Because I have seen and heard your strength and commitment!

Don't doubt yourself. You are Woman! You are Power! You are gonna have it all!

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LUCYSUNFLOWER 9/14/2010 11:21PM

    You need one more word: YET! You can't YET - but you will! I absolutely believe that.

You have pushed your body hard, and it is responding to the best of its ability. You are training it to respond. There's a lot going on under your skin with your muscles, tendons, ligaments, and that other stuff (I'm an accountant - I shouldn't discuss guts!), and it is all connected. All that stuff needs time, training, testing, and toning to learn to do what it has never done before!!

Hug yourself for me! You have come a very long ways, and I believe there are very few limits ahead of you - just give your body time to catch up with your mind and your soul!!

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CHYRL_C 9/14/2010 10:14PM

    Remember one day at a time emoticon

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THREEE 9/14/2010 10:08PM

    i can only say, 'AMEN!!!' to all of your other supporters who YOU have inspired...
i want to be on Dancing with the Stars but unless someone miraculously makes me a star tomorrow(considering i have NO acting abilities/nor desires not too likely) i need to lose weight, learn to dance and become a professional dancer before that could happen--i will NOT be mad at me tomorrow for not accomplishing it tomorrow...but i WILL be proud of me for putting one foot in front of the other and finally adding exercise to my plan...
you have SOOOOOOO many things to be proud of (including a couple of sons i believe you love dearly) that have only to do with the real YOU...not the overweight you, the REAL you...and if you want it bad enough, you will have the CAN run be part of its time... emoticon

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HARMONYBLUE 9/14/2010 9:59PM

    My husband has a huge pet peeve about docs telling him every ailment is related to his weight even though he's 60 pounds lighter than last year.

When I started running at 300 pounds, I could manage four 60 second segments during a one hour walk, so a) don't try too much. Also I made sure to do a long (10 minute minimum) warm up then stretch every muscle including hip flexors before I started running. Then another five minute warm up before I attempting to run. I had major problems with my ankles when I started trying to work up to a 5K. When you feel pain, don't run any more. Walk the rest of the way. Next time, see if it takes longer before the pain starts. When it comes, stop. Try strength training aimed at your hips. And if there is any chance you have actually injured that hip, get an xray.

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SHELLYC2010 9/14/2010 9:47PM

    I haven't been so brave as to try running on road yet. But I do run. I run in the pool. When I talk to my doctor about running she said that I should do it in the pool. So that's what I do. If you have a pool avaible maybe try it there and then work your way up to the road.

But your are amazing and are such and inspration!!

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  Giiiirrrllll, you are too amazing to truly believe you "can't" anything! I agree with Ravensong37: you CHOOSE not to run right now because you do not want to damage your hip. And I think Shrinkingsimone gave great advice too: do some training to help to strengthen you for what you CHOOSE to do at a later time.

I am absolutely amazed and in complete awe at the progress you've made so far--at the DECISION to even lose weight on your own and stick to it for so long. Heck, if I'm still consistent at living healthier in four months, I'll be ecstatic! But you--100#--are you kidding me??? If you can do that, you CAN definitely run! When you choose not to go to a loud movie because you have a splitting headache, you see that as a choice, right? Or when you decide to wait until the ice in the street melts to take that 20-mile drive, you call that wisdom, correct? Well continuing to prep your body for safe runs, just like everything else you do for your health is no different: you CAN; you're just being a smart cookie by laying off for right now.

If you are a runner inside, you are a runner outside--just look for it and keep on trucking! YOU TOTALLY ROCK!!!

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JEREMY723 9/14/2010 8:45PM

    I know that your modivation will help you get there one day. I don't have any advice, just that I'm sorry it didn't work out for you today.

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M0PPET 9/14/2010 7:59PM

    I have no advice for you ... just hugs. Someday is just around the corner.


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MAMADWARF 9/14/2010 7:44PM

    I hate can't too and it is funny cause if someone tells me I can't do something, oh baby get out out my way, cause Mama is gonna do it! But I told myself "I can't" for so long. I was such a hypocrite to my own damn self! I cant lose weight. I can't possibly walk. I can't succeeed. I can't not eat that sh**. Well, I learned in the last 6 months I can do whatever the hell I want to do. I have lost 44 pounds. I walk almost every day. I can not eat whatever I want.

I have never had a desire to run. In fact, I think it sounds horrible! And yes, I see people running all the time and it amazes me!!! I cannot even IMAGINE running but you know what? If I chose to, I know I could. Do I want to? eh, not right now, maybe at some point I will but I am happy walking for now. It is sooo far from where I was. Progress, not perfection is my motto and it applies here.

I know how far you have come. Your body is responding well but maybe it is not ready yet. But it will be cause you want it. You have the desire, you have the goal to work towards it, just like when you started your weight loss goal. It is no different. You didnt magically lose 100 pounds and you are not magically going to be a runner. But you will get there. I am soooo sure of this. I know you and I have barely interacted here but I do keep up with you becuase you are friends of friends but that ends now. We are friends now. Period. And you will run. Cause Mama said.

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MNGIRLIE 9/14/2010 7:37PM

    You're a brave woman! You're doing amazing things for yourself right now and running CAN be something you do down the road. What I could say here has probably already been said by many others, but I wanted to leave a comment. Keep your chin up. I too think you should add the world YET to the end of all those CAN'Ts. You will get there. This is just your body telling you to wait a little longer to try it again.

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RAVENSONG37 9/14/2010 7:31PM

    K, so let me just say, you can...sometime that is not right now. You WILL run because you have the fire inside of you to do it. What if you tell yourself, I choose not to run today because it will cause me too much pain but maybe I'll try again in 10 pounds. Choosing not to do something because it's better for you in the long-term is so much different than not being able to. Today I wanted to run 16 km but I walked/jogged 10. I had some of the same failure thoughts you did...but guess what...I can do it, just not right now. You and I will work through this together, sister, and I promise...We will run together!!!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 9/14/2010 7:30PM

    You are NOT a big fat failure. You are a hero to so many Esther. We all want to be where someone else is... but the quickest way to misery is comparing yourself to others.

I love you. Really, you inspire me daily. And you will run. I promise you that. I PROMISE YOU.

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SOBERSUGARHED 9/14/2010 5:43PM

    rome wasnt built in a day !! show yourself some love and patience.if the door is closed go through the window!

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JUST_SIMONE 9/14/2010 5:35PM

    Ohmigosh, I'm tearing up reading your blog because that was me 18 months, ago, a year ago, even six months ago. I was plagued with shin splints and everywhere I went, people were running. I feel your pain. Even getting on Sparkpeople would piss me off because everyone was running except for me. People much larger than me were running. They could and I couldn't. It's not fair!

I'm happy to say that it does get better. I went the route of getting some personal training sessions to correct my form and strengthen my core (I waas really lopsided, even walking, and my core was a mess), but deep down, I think I just had to get some weight off before my body would accept me being a runner. I'm now up to 2.5 miles and am planning to run a 5K next month. Even now, when I'm tired I feel my form slipping and my knee will start hurting or my hip will get tight.

I'm writing this not to make you think "oh there's another runner in a sea of people who can run," but instead I hope that it gives you hope that you will be a runner.

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MRSSIBRAT 9/14/2010 5:30PM

    oh girlie!! I am so sorry you are having such a hard time with this...please just please remember that sometimes CANT isn't a bad word,,,like when we tell our kids they CAN"T do something because it's not good for them...just remember how strong you already are and this one thing you can't do is because it would hurt you worse if you try! There will be a day when you can add running to the list of things you have accomplished but for right now just think of all the other things you CAN do! And what you DO Do!! you are amazing!! dont forget it!!

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FLWRCHLD97 9/14/2010 5:13PM

    Look at all of the support here on SP (they are all so wonderful!) - everyone here believes in you. YOU CAN DO IT!

I'm sorry you are in a bad place right now, I hope your hip feels better soon!

You are worth it and you will do it. When you become the runner that you are meant to be, you'll look back upon this blog and realize that it was a long hard road, but that you did it! Just like you didn't think you were going to make it up that evil hill, and you did! You have accomplished so much, everything will happen for a reason and at the right time...

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    just because cant applies today doesnt mean that it has to apply tomorrow, look at all that you CAN do that used to be in the can't pile. It isnt always about today, and now, patience is our biggest teacher, and has the best lessons for us...

hugs and much love to you sweetie... you CAN and WILL run just be patient... emoticon

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DAMIENDUCKS 9/14/2010 5:07PM

    Just because you can't run now, doesn't mean you'll never run--it's not all or nothing... But if running hurts, ease into it. You can do the first bit of the workout? Great, do that. And add on a tiny bit more. And stop when it hurts.

And I had to share this from one of my favorite bloggers, b/c your post and this post were just too coincidental!


Comment edited on: 9/14/2010 5:14:28 PM

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SMPO79 9/14/2010 5:05PM

    You are such an inspiration to so many people, and I know there are so many people who would love the opportunity to give back to you...maybe for now, you could just add one little word to the title of this blog...YET. Because I'm positive you WILL run...don't give up! emoticon

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TWANGGIRL 9/14/2010 5:02PM

    Oh sweetie PLEASE don't let this drag you down! I know it must be hard, but you are doing so well! Even if you can't run YET (!!) you can do other things, and you should continue to do them until you can run without pain. And if that day never comes, then just keep doing what works for you and don't think you HAVE to be a runner. I started "running"** when I was 44 years old, and some days I just can't do it because my knee hurts or my hip hurts or I have a cramp in my foot, or some such nonsense! So on those days I just walk, or ride the stationary bike, or vacuum my house and use that as my cardio!
** (I say "running" in quotes because although I do run a few times a week, I don't consider myself a "runner" . . . I don't run if it's too cold, or rainy, or too hot, or I'm tired, or hungover, or there's a good movie on, or . . . .well you get the point! ha!ha!)

Anyway, just hang in there and try to focus on the positives and you WILL get where you want to be!! emoticon

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KARVY09 9/14/2010 5:00PM

    Oh hun. I'm so sorry bout the hip pain. I actually have another blog I'll send you when I get home about that list of can'ts. All I know is that you are braver than most... Most don't even try running til they get to a magic weight... Or at all even... Big hugs.

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CHICAT63 9/14/2010 4:57PM

    You can too, check-out KARVY09 she is on my page but she has featured regularly on Sparks..." Running While Chunky ". You will run like Forrest Gump and once you do you will not stop !!!Do not give up Esther, slowly but surely the pain in your hip will no longer bother you. emoticon Oh and by the way YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE ! You are an inspiration.

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MEGSFITNESS 9/14/2010 4:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon


Oh no, hunny, I'm so sorry :( *comforts*

I don't know what the weight limit is for running. I think that's really going to depend on each individual and your particular strengths. For myself, I started the C25K program when I was 260 and had hip pain but it wasn't dibilitating. I know that there are exercises that you can do to increase hip and leg strength and you can take glucosamine (sp?) and chondroitin (sp?) supplements to promote healthy joints and ease joint pain.

It's okay to cry... but don't you dare give up. You're doing amazing things, even if running isn't one of them yet. You're inspiring to everyone who knows you and you're doing things at your weight that I never would've dreamed of attempting yet because I always thought I was too fat. You're proof that this "diet and exercise" thing really works. So just don't give up on yourself .

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Chin up, hun.

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MENACE79 9/14/2010 4:43PM

    You need to sit down with a pen and paper right now and write down everything you have done this year that you would have said "I can't" to last year.

ev-er-y-thing. Including motivating hundreds of people to throw their "can'ts" away, making time to batch cook, especially the 10K, and God only knows what else!

Some list, huh? You will run. It might not be tomorrow, but you will run.

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BIKERBABE2BE 9/14/2010 4:42PM

    I'm sorry you are in such pain, physical and emotional. I wish I had a magic pill, or even a good suggestion, but alas, all I can tell you to do is keep trying. Keep walking, keep tracking, keep eating healthy. The day will come when you CAN run.


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_TRIXIE_ 9/14/2010 4:41PM

    I was going to come on here and blast you for the word can't, but I understand t he dark place from where it comes. Yoovie's suggestion is good, Karvy has a lot of good resources/insights. Check her Spark page/team out.

You CAN. I know you can. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I am telling you that it's possible. And that I have faith in you.

Hugs, hon.

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YOOVIE 9/14/2010 4:38PM

    I got three words for you. ok 4.

Karvy's "Running While Chunky"

it changed mah fat lil life.

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MOONBIRD 9/14/2010 4:38PM

    (((Big Hugs))) Like Becky said, you will run. Even if you are having a problem with it now, you can do it! Don't give up. I can't run yet either, even though I want to. I walk so fast that I feel like I should be running, but every time I try it hurts my knee and there is no delicate way to say this, but my fat jumping up and down is painful. I know I will eventually though, just like you will. I almost cried today because I was having issues keeping up doing tae bo. I am just having an off day and feel so worn out from dealing with everything lately.

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BECKYB73 9/14/2010 4:33PM

    Maybe you can't run; not right now or at this weight, but if you keep losing weight, eating right and working on your fitness, YOU. WILL. RUN.

Personally, I'm going to try running, but not until I'm either right at or slightly under 300 pounds. I don't want to push myself and risk a serious injury that would put me back into walking in the slow lane at the fitness pool, with the leakers and speakers.

Pain is your body's way of stopping you from doing greater injury to yourself. listen to it. There will be plenty of opportunity and races to run, when your body is ready.

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Just Once

Monday, September 13, 2010

Thanks to ECLECKTIC1 I realized that this new challenge to stop smoking can be treated much like my new challenge of a healthy lifestyle was treated with Spark. Small steps of habit change. And it all started with logging and asking yourself tough questions about why you wanted to change and what emotions led to overeating, right?

All day I've spent every break asking myself those tough questions...

How does this make me feel?
Why do I feel I need/want it in my life?
What would I do if I weren't doing this?
What are my reasons for quitting?

And a thought occurred to me. Seven days can seem like a long time sometimes. Even 3 days can seem daunting. Three days of being on target, of being "perfect?" That's HARD! I know what you're thinking, 3 days is nothing! But when you're facing big challenges, 3 days can be rough. So I wondered how I managed this Spark thing when I started. I didn't jump on with the intent to lose 60 pounds in 5 months. No way, no how! I jumped in with a thought of, "Let's see what happens for one day."

Certainly it was in the back of my mind that this day could be the start of something big. But I left in there, firmly in the BACK of my mind. Just once. Just one meal. Just one day of being on. See what that feels like. See what happens.

And there was another thing I did that was wasn't about "tomorrow" at all. You know the saying -- The problem with diets is Mondays. We all have those weekends where we say, "I've got to eat everything because Monday I start my diet." We eat our Big Macs and Super Size Fries on Sunday night at 11pm because "This is the last time I can have this!" But with Spark I didn't think that way. Nothing is off limits. I can have a Big Mac if I want to. I can even have some french fries. (Yep, I said it.) So not treating the weekend before like a last hurrah was a huge milestone. I started fresh on day one. I didn't expect perfection, and I didn't achieve it either. I just started logging what I was eating. I noticed I was making healthy choices anyways because I was logging and I didn't want to log a Big Mac and Super Size Fries. I wanted to log healthier options...even if it was a McChicken Sandwich and a Diet Coke instead of a Big Mac meal. Progress is progress right?

So instead of thinking, "If I can just get through those first 3 days..." (I've always heard that when you quit smoking the first 3 days are the most difficult) I'm going to start thinking, "If I can just get through this one time." All it takes is once. So starting right now, I'm going to say no to just ONE smoke break. Just one. I'll see how that feels and then see if I really want to smoke the next time or just say no to one more.

It works with all my goals actually. The idea of being on target all week was scaring me earlier. I'm coming off a weekend of rest...a weekend of doing pretty much nothing in the way of exercise. And what seems most daunting to me all the time is getting up early to get a workout in before work. So I made a decision. Just ONE DAY this week, I will get up early and workout before work. Just once. That's it. Just one day this week I will NOT turn my alarm off and go back to sleep. And every day I put it off, I'll be facing the daunting task of having to start over again tomorrow. Usually I have this attitude of, "If I don't do it now, I'm just going to have to do it later..." and that gets me going, because I want my later to be free of "have to"s.

As for today, I needed to buy something at the store. It's something I always buy name brand of because, well, it's better and it doesn't ever fail me. But I can put up with a little tiny issue when I'll save 3 dollars...that's what I told myself as I was pouting my way to the front with the on-sale generic brand. 3.99 vs. 6.99. I bought the cheap kind. So I can take comfort in knowing that just once today I saved myself 3 dollars. (And, if I want to get really picky, another 5 when I didn't buy the magazine I wanted, and another buck and a half when I passed by the Vitamin Water I wanted.) Take the small hits, make the small sacrifices, and it will add up in the end.

Just this once...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHICAT63 9/14/2010 4:59PM

    One day at a time and you can do it. I know it is difficult lots of my family members and good friends smoke, some have succeeded in giving it up and some haven't. I have to say though, I was really impressed by your determination and I was not aware you were a I am even more impressed because Sista you are determined ! emoticon emoticon

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JEREMY723 9/14/2010 2:02PM

    One day at a time for sure. And if you have one, don't stress and start right over again. Same as spark, one piece of pizza for sure better than two. Best of luck!

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ATROTTIER 9/14/2010 1:39PM

    Good luck!! I'm rooting for ya!!!!! emoticon

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FLWRCHLD97 9/14/2010 1:14PM

    Good luck, you can do it!

It's hard (I smoked for over 10 years) but it's worth it!

You can do it because you are emoticon...

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REBECCAMA 9/14/2010 11:54AM


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NUMD97 9/14/2010 3:26AM

    Very well written and executed. Thanks for posting this blog.

Much continued success. emoticon


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EMILY98683 9/14/2010 12:25AM

    Esther, I quit smoking 5 years ago (after smoking on and off for 10 years), and I totally agree with the three-day thing. After 72 hours you'll still have cravings, but they won't be nearly as intense. Every now and again I still think a cigarette would be kinda good, but I know it won't taste as good as I think it will. You can do it!

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THREEE 9/13/2010 11:06PM

    and if you DID NOT smoke today, how many $ did you also save?

i agree with using the SPARK approach...that's what i'm trying with negotiating with myself to more reasonable amount of TV watching...i'm TRACKING first...THEN seeing where it is mindless TV on time and THEN weaning myself from, just because i am at least being more aware, when 1 of my normal shows wasn't on, i USUALLY would find a 'next best'...instead, i TURNED IT OFF and CONCENTRATED on what i was doing ... and it felt calmer in my house... emoticon

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BAYBELIEVER 9/13/2010 10:57PM

    Very insightful! I think this is something we all should learn, slowly, as we do Spark. It doesn't have to be overnight that we are suddenly perfect. Heck, we don't even ever have to be perfect! I had pizza on Sunday. It killed me. It is only the 2nd time I have had pizza since April 26th because once I had to track it once I didn't want to again. But I knew I would have it again. What bothers me about it was that I didn't have it because I REALLY wanted it this time, but because it was just easier. It was my choice, but the reasoning was not the reason I want to make those kind of choices, and that bothers me.

Good luck with your "just this one"-avoided smoke break. It won't be easy, but neither is losing weight. So, just missing one, once in a while, might make it a little more bearable!

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LINOVER 9/13/2010 10:06PM

    You can do it! Just take it one day at a time! Think of all the money you'll save by not buying cigarettes and what nice things you can buy with that money!! Just hang in there!! emoticon

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KIMMAS82 9/13/2010 4:24PM

    You can do it!! Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things a person can do!! Especially while you're trying to lose weight!! But you will love yourself for nothing more than you love yourself for quitting!! Someday you'll even wonder how the heck you ever did it to begin with!!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 9/13/2010 3:53PM

    You can do it honey. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Once choice at a time.

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RAVENSONG37 9/13/2010 3:44PM

    WooHoo!! So smart. Geez, you are awesome!

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CHAOTICMOM4 9/13/2010 3:40PM

    Good for you, tackling this one step at a time. Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I've ever done. I found that when I wanted a cigarette or when I was fighting a symptom/craving, reading on line at or various other smoking cessation websites helped me cope and recognize that what I was experiencing was part of the process. Just like reading articles and blogs on Sparkpeople has helped me with my nutrition and fitness goals.
Good Luck!

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1BIGDREAM 9/13/2010 3:29PM

    You are soooooo right!

Here's how I quit smoking (somewhat similar, but a little different): I figured out how many cigs I was smoking a day, divided by the number of hours I was awake, which told me how frequently I was having a cig. Then I pushed it to 15 minutes longer. I would time between smokes, adding another 15 minutes each week. It took me like 3 months to totally quit. At the end, I went away for the weekend, completely out of my routine and normal environment, and went cold turkey. By that time, I was down to like 3 a day, so it wasn't that big a deal. That's what worked for me. I couldn't just quit all at once, had to do it nice and slow, but I did it! 6 years smoke free!

No matter what, good for you! Do it girl!

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SUELICIOUS 9/13/2010 3:17PM

Lovely post!!

regards, Sue

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The Three F's of Goal Setting

Monday, September 13, 2010

When I think about my goals for the week or month, they tend to be centered around the three major "F" ideas.

emoticon Food
emoticon Fitness
emoticon Funds

So as I spent yesterday, last night, and this morning thinking about what goals I wanted to set for this week, these three made major appearances.

emoticon Food
I wasn't able to do any batch cooking this weekend. Let's face it, my weekend was pretty well packed, plus money is tight so cooking for the week seemed a little out of reach. Last night my mom solved a few problems by sending us home with some food from Ponderosa (my oldest son's choice for his third birthday event) so I have a couple baked potatoes, a chopped steak, and some grilled chicken for some lunches. I also have some salmon in the freezer, as well as some chicken that can be thawed out for meals. Add to that the peas and mushrooms I picked up at the market last week, and I'm pretty sure we'll have no problem making it through until payday (Wednesday). That being said, I'm starting my batch cooking plans for this weekend a little early. I spent most of the morning filtering through old blogs and writing down some meals the family loved that I had forgotten about. Later I'll trudge through the SparkRecipes I've saved and see what I've forgotten. With enough planning I hope to make it as cost-effective, and time-efficient as possible for me and the family.

emoticon Fitness
The plan is simple (*HAHA!*), I'd like to get back to my regular workouts, and that involves burning about 600-700 calories a day. With the right machines and classes, I can get this in easily. But also in my mind is the fact that I have new shoes headed my way. No clue when they'll be here, but when they come I hope to try another bout of C25K with fast walking and jogging segments intertwined within the program. Even if I can do this once a week to start, maybe eventually I can move up.

Other fitness things I'd like to focus on:
Planks and Push-ups
Crunches and other Core work
Boxing and Rowing (my two little fun things for myself)

emoticon Funds
This is a constant problem for us. I'm still looking for higher-paid jobs, both internally and externally, but nothing seems to be happening. I've floated the idea of giving plasma as well as the idea of taking on a third job on the weekends, neither of which sound at all appealing. I feel like I'm doing enough already...but sometimes we have to work harder than we think we should for what we want. And our needs are plentiful! Needs: a new home, a new car for me, eventually a new car for Hubs, living room furniture, new bedroom furniture for the boys, and clothes for me are constantly needed (because as much as I love losing weight, it sucks not having the money to update the wardrobe!).

I know you've heard me say it before, but the easiest way for me to get more money is to simply stop smoking. I'm working through the mental barriers and will let you know how it goes. I keep reminding myself that I'm a formerly 400-pound woman who has somehow managed to walk both a 5k and a 10k, to hike 5.5 hours, and to completely change her eating habits from crap to good for me food! There should be NOTHING I can't conquer. One day, one smoke break at a time...right? I just keep telling myself, "If you stop now, you can have 400 bucks saved by Christmas!" Just think of that! 400 bucks! It's stupid and rediculous to waste money on this horrible habit when I've made such great changes for my health. (For the record, I hate admitting this to all of you. Somehow it's okay for me to admit how fat I am or how much I eat when I binge, but this stupid habit makes me feel like scum...still ...there it is, for all - including and especially me - to see.)

Goals for Week 22:
emoticon Cut it out!
emoticon Burn 600-700 calories per day.
emoticon Do planks Mon-Wed-Fri with ST routine.
emoticon Do 100 crunches Mon-Wed-Fri with ST routine.
emoticon Save every penny possible!
emoticon Get at least 2 boxing/rowing sessions in.
emoticon Bring back morning Yoga.
emoticon Plan grocery list for weekend batch cooking.
emoticon Use healthy ad-libs until shopping can be done.
emoticon Eat fruits and veggies this week! Like a LOT!

Weight goal for next week: 353.8 (-2 pounds)
FYI - Seems the 355 wasn't a fluke as I saw it (355.4) today again. If I can transition right back into what I know I could have a very successful week. Just a little over 5 more pounds and I'll be under 350!!! So exciting! I'm already considering goals for post 349.9! (It will likely be to get under 330 so I can finally go up and try my MIL's new Wii Fit.)

I have to say that one thing that held me together during these rest days is that I'm starting to see a change in the people around me. Both of my in-laws have started exercising and seem to like talking to me about it! *lol* We discuss things they can do and the benefits to their health (they are both dealing with blood pressure problems right now). I also had a long talk last week with my boss about her inability to lose any more weight even though she workouts every single day. Her problem? No switching it up. That's right, boys and girls, my boss has hit a major plateau and never considered that a change in the routine might jumpstart her weight loss again. She walks on a treadmill and I told her to start by changing just the incline for a bit, work her way up. We'll see how it goes!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETH7CAM 9/15/2010 10:53AM

    Good job getting your goals out there & holding yourself accountable!!

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RAVENSONG37 9/13/2010 2:56PM

    I know you can totally do this...all of this great stuff lady. And if you make at least some of's progress right? Great goals Esther. Quitting smoking will be such a success for you!!

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SANDBBAR 9/13/2010 1:30PM

    I'd like to share my "quit smoking " story with you. I was about 2 1/2 months pregnant with my son (shouldn't have been smoking anyway, I know) It was January and I got the flu. About three days later it became pneumonia...first in one lung, then the other. I was so sick I couldn't smoke, but a couple weeks later I was walking across my kitchen and could hardly breathe...I thought to myself, this must be what it's like to have emphysema...and that thought, plus the fact that I shouldn't have been smoking anyway at the time...helped me to never go back. I like to say it was the silver lining in a big black cloud! Everything turned out okay with my son BTW, who is now 20 years old!
But...and this is the part I want you to consider...I told myself I would save the cost of a carton a week (then $20) and about four years later DH, DS, DD and I went to Disneyworld, and stayed at the Polynesian for a week on one of those all inclusive plans where meals are included and all...we had the best time! I see you have young children, so maybe something like this could be an incentive.

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BOGUSANNIE 9/13/2010 1:26PM

    Don't you find it awesome when you SPARK someone in your everyday life's life...? it's awesome to inspiring them!

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MNGIRLIE 9/13/2010 1:25PM

    Great blog post! Thanks for sharing.

So I'll throw my two cents in about the smoking. When I decided to quit I was at least a pack a day smoker. When I'd go out and drink with friends I could smoke up to almost 2 packs. I LOVED smoking. Seriously. I had said that more than once. After I had smoked for 10 years I decided to quit. A combination of Chantix and a book called "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr was the magical trick for me. The Chantix helped with the cravings and the book helped with the mental switch to being a non-smoker. When I read the reviews for the book I thought, "What a load of bull! A book isn't going to help me quit." But I decided to give it a try anyway. So here I am... 3 1/2 years later and not a single cigarette has touched my lips since I quit. I needed my inhaler all the time previously and now only use it when I get sick.

Ok I'm done with the smoking bit. Neither Chantix nor Carr paid me to write that.

I've been trying to get into batch cooking on the weekends. It'd be so much easier than trying to figure out what to eat daily. Also, when I work out in the evenings after work I get so lazy and don't feel like cooking. Batch cooking would solve that. I just need to give it a try.

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MAGPIE17 9/13/2010 1:09PM

    I think those are awesome goals. $$ is an issue for me too, especially for clothing that fits! I'm hoping to make some headway there ASAP!

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LEAN-N-LEXY 9/13/2010 12:22PM

    I hope the sparks around you keep your flame lit.

Food and funds is a big one for me too. We get paid once a month with our disability checks, but it's still a challenge to plan it all out.

Best of luck with kicking the smoking habit. It seems to me that now there are so many nicotine replacement gums, etc. that I hardly ever hear of quitting programs like what my dad went through when I was a kid (SmokEnders).

One of the first things the behavior change plan made him do was like Spark People: list your motivations. Then it was change brands, then it was change the habits associated with the smoking (can't smoke the usual places or times... ie if you're used to having the smoke right after dinner, wait 15 minutes).

Hah... I looked them up. They are still out there, but selling a self-help program as well as group thing like my dad did in the 70s. They have a form for finding out if they have a community seminar in your area too.

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Sunday Weigh-In - Week 22

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Weigh-in Day

Starting Weight: 466.6
SP SW: 416.2
Last Week: 356.2
This Week: 355.8
Loss/Gain: -0.4
SP Total Loss: 60.4
Total Loss: 110.8

Quote of the Day:
“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.”

Ethan Quote of the Day:
When asked, "Why should Mommy eat healthy and exercise today?"
"Uhm...because you ate cake yesterday..."

Logan Quote of the Day:
When I asked Logan the same thing he said...
"To lose weight!" I asked, "But why today? Why don't I just do it tomorrow?"
Answer: "Because you've already lost weight! You ate cake yesterday and lost weight."
So I asked him why I can't just keep eating cake and lose weight and Ethan butted in,
"Cause it's fattening!"

*lol* It was a funny conversation. It was like the voices in my head but voiced between the three of us, and their thought was simple - there's no excuse I can come up with that will beat the "you'll lose weight" answer. They're right. They are.

Friday I went home and admitted to my husband that I used some of our savings to buy running shoes. He didn't put up much of a fight, just did a "hmph" kind of response. (MUCH better than what I expected.) I spent the rest of the night watching a nail-biting game between WVU and Marshall...a game WVU should have easily won but went in to too cocky and had to make it all up in the 4th quarter. I also baked cakes in between commercials and half-time. I did find out that Pillsbury now makes a sugar-free boxed cake mix (and it tastes wonderful!). I got to bed late after cake baking and frosting. I'll come back and post a pic of the Earth & Moon cake I made for my son. CRAZY! We had pizza for dinner because it was quick and cheap and already prepared. I'm not gonna lie, It tasted GREAT!! But I didn't feel so great the next day...

EDIT: I totally forgot, after I posted about my rest week on Friday, I walked to the farmer's market. It's not much of a workout anymore, but I had to go quick because I had short lunches last week. My body hated me and it reinforced my need for rest this weekend. Still, it was great to see all the fall stuff and I bought some WV-grown plums and 2 onions.

Then went inside to the whole foods market and restocked on granola, peas, and mushrooms and got a couple fig bars for the week.

Saturday we headed over to the park at 10:30am to grab a shelter for his party. I was completely bummed that only 2 kids out of the 24 invited actually showed up...but Logan had fun anyhow riding bikes with the two girls that did show up. His grandparents also came, and great-grandpa and they all seemed to enjoy themselves at the park. It was a nice day. Cool, no rain. Nice. We all sat around and ate veggies and fruit and then had some cake. I ate a small piece, with a tiny bit of chocolate (not sugar-free) and some of the yellow (sugar-free) cake. I tried to eat more but my stomach protested! Have NO CLUE how half the people at the party finished TWO WHOLE PIECES! (I probably would've done the same 5 months ago, though.) I ate a few chips for lunch while trying to prep for the party...I admit it. It was there, it was quick, and I was busy as heck. I did feed half of the small Doritos bag to the dog though. *lol* He had nacho cheese breath all afternoon and it cracked me up that I was sitting there sharing chips with the dog. After the party we rushed home for the OSU v. Miami game, which started off just as surprising as the WVU game. WTF, guys? Thankfully OSU pulled it out in the end and all was well. At halftime Hubs agreed to go out and get us something to eat...but I said "nevermind!" and had tuna sandwiches and vegetarian bean dip (with too much cheese! EEP!). Let's just say I ate halfway healthy (and much better than sending him out for Taco Bell or Pizza or McDonald's or something...) until I decided I should have another piece of cake. I couldn't eat all of it and didn't eat most of the frosting, but the damage was done. I don't feel so good today.

My body is trying to heal, but the more I rested the more ailments I noticed:
- my right thumb hurts. It's been hurting for weeks. No clue why.
- my right foot still hurts from the blister in early August at the 5k, which blistered in the new skin on the 10k even with the moleskin on it. It's getting better, though.
- my thighs were screaming, but they finally started feeling better yesterday.
- my hip is healing (finally!!). So far today no real complaints from it.
- there's a sore spot/bruise under my chin. WTF?
- my shoulder was hurting too on Friday...but it was feeling better yesterday.

The only exercise I did was prepping the cake (frosting a cake that big might've been the problem with the shoulder), decorating for the party, a small bike ride around the parking lot at the park (but Hubs' bike's seat hurts my hoo-hah!), a small jog back from the bathroom at the park (I wanted to know if my body liked jogging on grass does), and about 70 crunches when I ended up on the floor of the living room for one of the games we watched (I got bored *lol*).

What I learned this rest weekend:
- No food I ate this week made my body feel good. I've felt like crap for 2 days and I'm totally done with that feeling! It's back to health foods as much as possible. I want my good tummy feeling back.
- It felt so good to just chill on the couch with the kitty and not feel overly guilty for not doing something. I was tired and worn out, and my body loved the rest.
- Skinny kids eat like skinny people. Overweight kids eat like me. Yeah, I learned that lesson and I'm gonna go back to eating like a skinny kid.
- Friend parties for my sons are overrated. I'd much rather save the $90 I spent on that party that 2 kids showed up to on the family. I kept thinking, "We could've taken a small trip or gone to the movies or gone hiking or something!" I think I'll be doing it differently next year.
- I still want to run. Yep, the desire is still there, and when my shoes get here I'm going to try them out...but I'm compromising with myself. C25k and C2F5k will combine. 1 jog segment, 1 fast walk segment, 1 jog segment, 1 fast walk segment. Let's try that and see if I still need to dial it back some.
- I miss my Sparkies! *lol* I stalked you all but I was so busy I wasn't able to really make the rounds and comment. I missed it.

Today is Ethan's game. I also get to see my Momma! YAY! She's coming down and wants to do lunch with Logan for his birthday after the game. I'm hoping Logan picks some place good where I can portion-control and not go crazy. I want to feel tummy-good on Monday morning! I also hope to get a small walk in later. If the weather holds out I'm thinking of taking the dog to the park and giving him some walk time. He's restless now that the weather is cooler and he really wants to go run around and play with us. But the other part of me is thinking SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP. We'll see what happens.

I'm also going to be thinking about my goals for this week. I know that I want to get back to the gym and really start working out...but I want to change my focus from fitness minutes to calories burned. I want to get the best bang for my buck from the machines. I can put 30 minutes in on the elliptical and burn a ton more calories than an 3 mile walk. I hope my shoes come soon so I can try them out, but if they take all week I'll just hold off on the C25k stuff until they get here.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAVENSONG37 9/13/2010 9:02AM

    Sounds like a decent weekend, love. :)

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THREEE 9/13/2010 2:12AM

    it sounds like you might be a little relieved that this birthday-filled week is over...

the earth and moon cake was fun--i bet your son enjoyed it...
emoticon emoticon emoticon

i admire your commitment to set weekly goals...that's ANOTHER of the habits i want to acquire emoticon

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MAMADWARF 9/13/2010 1:35AM

    damn you made me tired just reading about all the stuff you did. The cake was super cute! Your kitty looks exactly like one of ours, her name is Saki. Congrats on all your weight loss too, that is amazing!!

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ABETTERCHERYL 9/12/2010 10:37PM

    Mmmmmmm... cake. That cake turned out awesome but yeah, I agree with you, that $90 could have been spent on an awesome little day trip with the fam. I hate when I go to the trouble of throwing a party and then only a few people show... irratating. At least you tried though dear.

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BOGUSANNIE 9/12/2010 5:05PM

    great looking are very talented...I could never do something like that. You kitty looks just like one of ours...

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MAGPIE17 9/12/2010 4:30PM

    Sounds like your weekend went well, and you learned some good stuff! WTG Esther!

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