Monday, September 13, 2010
Thanks to ECLECKTIC1 I realized that this new challenge to stop smoking can be treated much like my new challenge of a healthy lifestyle was treated with Spark. Small steps of habit change. And it all started with logging and asking yourself tough questions about why you wanted to change and what emotions led to overeating, right?
All day I've spent every break asking myself those tough questions...
How does this make me feel?
Why do I feel I need/want it in my life?
What would I do if I weren't doing this?
What are my reasons for quitting?
And a thought occurred to me. Seven days can seem like a long time sometimes. Even 3 days can seem daunting. Three days of being on target, of being "perfect?" That's HARD! I know what you're thinking, 3 days is nothing! But when you're facing big challenges, 3 days can be rough. So I wondered how I managed this Spark thing when I started. I didn't jump on with the intent to lose 60 pounds in 5 months. No way, no how! I jumped in with a thought of, "Let's see what happens for one day."
Certainly it was in the back of my mind that this day could be the start of something big. But I left in there, firmly in the BACK of my mind. Just once. Just one meal. Just one day of being on. See what that feels like. See what happens.
And there was another thing I did that was different...it wasn't about "tomorrow" at all. You know the saying -- The problem with diets is Mondays. We all have those weekends where we say, "I've got to eat everything because Monday I start my diet." We eat our Big Macs and Super Size Fries on Sunday night at 11pm because "This is the last time I can have this!" But with Spark I didn't think that way. Nothing is off limits. I can have a Big Mac if I want to. I can even have some french fries. (Yep, I said it.) So not treating the weekend before like a last hurrah was a huge milestone. I started fresh on day one. I didn't expect perfection, and I didn't achieve it either. I just started logging what I was eating. I noticed I was making healthy choices anyways because I was logging and I didn't want to log a Big Mac and Super Size Fries. I wanted to log healthier options...even if it was a McChicken Sandwich and a Diet Coke instead of a Big Mac meal. Progress is progress right?
So instead of thinking, "If I can just get through those first 3 days..." (I've always heard that when you quit smoking the first 3 days are the most difficult) I'm going to start thinking, "If I can just get through this one time." All it takes is once. So starting right now, I'm going to say no to just ONE smoke break. Just one. I'll see how that feels and then see if I really want to smoke the next time or just say no to one more.
It works with all my goals actually. The idea of being on target all week was scaring me earlier. I'm coming off a weekend of rest...a weekend of doing pretty much nothing in the way of exercise. And what seems most daunting to me all the time is getting up early to get a workout in before work. So I made a decision. Just ONE DAY this week, I will get up early and workout before work. Just once. That's it. Just one day this week I will NOT turn my alarm off and go back to sleep. And every day I put it off, I'll be facing the daunting task of having to start over again tomorrow. Usually I have this attitude of, "If I don't do it now, I'm just going to have to do it later..." and that gets me going, because I want my later to be free of "have to"s.
As for today, I needed to buy something at the store. It's something I always buy name brand of because, well, it's better and it doesn't ever fail me. But I can put up with a little tiny issue when I'll save 3 dollars...that's what I told myself as I was pouting my way to the front with the on-sale generic brand. 3.99 vs. 6.99. I bought the cheap kind. So I can take comfort in knowing that just once today I saved myself 3 dollars. (And, if I want to get really picky, another 5 when I didn't buy the magazine I wanted, and another buck and a half when I passed by the Vitamin Water I wanted.) Take the small hits, make the small sacrifices, and it will add up in the end.
Just this once...
Monday, September 13, 2010
When I think about my goals for the week or month, they tend to be centered around the three major "F" ideas.
So as I spent yesterday, last night, and this morning thinking about what goals I wanted to set for this week, these three made major appearances.
I wasn't able to do any batch cooking this weekend. Let's face it, my weekend was pretty well packed, plus money is tight so cooking for the week seemed a little out of reach. Last night my mom solved a few problems by sending us home with some food from Ponderosa (my oldest son's choice for his third birthday event) so I have a couple baked potatoes, a chopped steak, and some grilled chicken for some lunches. I also have some salmon in the freezer, as well as some chicken that can be thawed out for meals. Add to that the peas and mushrooms I picked up at the market last week, and I'm pretty sure we'll have no problem making it through until payday (Wednesday). That being said, I'm starting my batch cooking plans for this weekend a little early. I spent most of the morning filtering through old blogs and writing down some meals the family loved that I had forgotten about. Later I'll trudge through the SparkRecipes I've saved and see what I've forgotten. With enough planning I hope to make it as cost-effective, and time-efficient as possible for me and the family.
The plan is simple (*HAHA!*), I'd like to get back to my regular workouts, and that involves burning about 600-700 calories a day. With the right machines and classes, I can get this in easily. But also in my mind is the fact that I have new shoes headed my way. No clue when they'll be here, but when they come I hope to try another bout of C25K with fast walking and jogging segments intertwined within the program. Even if I can do this once a week to start, maybe eventually I can move up.
Other fitness things I'd like to focus on:
Planks and Push-ups
Crunches and other Core work
Boxing and Rowing (my two little fun things for myself)
This is a constant problem for us. I'm still looking for higher-paid jobs, both internally and externally, but nothing seems to be happening. I've floated the idea of giving plasma as well as the idea of taking on a third job on the weekends, neither of which sound at all appealing. I feel like I'm doing enough already...but sometimes we have to work harder than we think we should for what we want. And our needs are plentiful! Needs: a new home, a new car for me, eventually a new car for Hubs, living room furniture, new bedroom furniture for the boys, and clothes for me are constantly needed (because as much as I love losing weight, it sucks not having the money to update the wardrobe!).
I know you've heard me say it before, but the easiest way for me to get more money is to simply stop smoking. I'm working through the mental barriers and will let you know how it goes. I keep reminding myself that I'm a formerly 400-pound woman who has somehow managed to walk both a 5k and a 10k, to hike 5.5 hours, and to completely change her eating habits from crap to good for me food! There should be NOTHING I can't conquer. One day, one smoke break at a time...right? I just keep telling myself, "If you stop now, you can have 400 bucks saved by Christmas!" Just think of that! 400 bucks! It's stupid and rediculous to waste money on this horrible habit when I've made such great changes for my health. (For the record, I hate admitting this to all of you. Somehow it's okay for me to admit how fat I am or how much I eat when I binge, but this stupid habit makes me feel like scum...still ...there it is, for all - including and especially me - to see.)
Goals for Week 22:
Cut it out!
Burn 600-700 calories per day.
Do planks Mon-Wed-Fri with ST routine.
Do 100 crunches Mon-Wed-Fri with ST routine.
Save every penny possible!
Get at least 2 boxing/rowing sessions in.
Bring back morning Yoga.
Plan grocery list for weekend batch cooking.
Use healthy ad-libs until shopping can be done.
Eat fruits and veggies this week! Like a LOT!
Weight goal for next week: 353.8 (-2 pounds)
FYI - Seems the 355 wasn't a fluke as I saw it (355.4) today again. If I can transition right back into what I know I could have a very successful week. Just a little over 5 more pounds and I'll be under 350!!! So exciting! I'm already considering goals for post 349.9! (It will likely be to get under 330 so I can finally go up and try my MIL's new Wii Fit.)
I have to say that one thing that held me together during these rest days is that I'm starting to see a change in the people around me. Both of my in-laws have started exercising and seem to like talking to me about it! *lol* We discuss things they can do and the benefits to their health (they are both dealing with blood pressure problems right now). I also had a long talk last week with my boss about her inability to lose any more weight even though she workouts every single day. Her problem? No switching it up. That's right, boys and girls, my boss has hit a major plateau and never considered that a change in the routine might jumpstart her weight loss again. She walks on a treadmill and I told her to start by changing just the incline for a bit, work her way up. We'll see how it goes!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Starting Weight: 466.6
SP SW: 416.2
Last Week: 356.2
This Week: 355.8
SP Total Loss: 60.4
Total Loss: 110.8
Quote of the Day:
“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.”
Ethan Quote of the Day:
When asked, "Why should Mommy eat healthy and exercise today?"
"Uhm...because you ate cake yesterday..."
Logan Quote of the Day:
When I asked Logan the same thing he said...
"To lose weight!" I asked, "But why today? Why don't I just do it tomorrow?"
Answer: "Because you've already lost weight! You ate cake yesterday and lost weight."
So I asked him why I can't just keep eating cake and lose weight and Ethan butted in,
"Cause it's fattening!"
*lol* It was a funny conversation. It was like the voices in my head but voiced between the three of us, and their thought was simple - there's no excuse I can come up with that will beat the "you'll lose weight" answer. They're right. They are.
Friday I went home and admitted to my husband that I used some of our savings to buy running shoes. He didn't put up much of a fight, just did a "hmph" kind of response. (MUCH better than what I expected.) I spent the rest of the night watching a nail-biting game between WVU and Marshall...a game WVU should have easily won but went in to too cocky and had to make it all up in the 4th quarter. I also baked cakes in between commercials and half-time. I did find out that Pillsbury now makes a sugar-free boxed cake mix (and it tastes wonderful!). I got to bed late after cake baking and frosting. I'll come back and post a pic of the Earth & Moon cake I made for my son. CRAZY! We had pizza for dinner because it was quick and cheap and already prepared. I'm not gonna lie, It tasted GREAT!! But I didn't feel so great the next day...
EDIT: I totally forgot, after I posted about my rest week on Friday, I walked to the farmer's market. It's not much of a workout anymore, but I had to go quick because I had short lunches last week. My body hated me and it reinforced my need for rest this weekend. Still, it was great to see all the fall stuff and I bought some WV-grown plums and 2 onions.
Then went inside to the whole foods market and restocked on granola, peas, and mushrooms and got a couple fig bars for the week.
Saturday we headed over to the park at 10:30am to grab a shelter for his party. I was completely bummed that only 2 kids out of the 24 invited actually showed up...but Logan had fun anyhow riding bikes with the two girls that did show up. His grandparents also came, and great-grandpa and they all seemed to enjoy themselves at the park. It was a nice day. Cool, no rain. Nice. We all sat around and ate veggies and fruit and then had some cake. I ate a small piece, with a tiny bit of chocolate (not sugar-free) and some of the yellow (sugar-free) cake. I tried to eat more but my stomach protested! Have NO CLUE how half the people at the party finished TWO WHOLE PIECES! (I probably would've done the same 5 months ago, though.) I ate a few chips for lunch while trying to prep for the party...I admit it. It was there, it was quick, and I was busy as heck. I did feed half of the small Doritos bag to the dog though. *lol* He had nacho cheese breath all afternoon and it cracked me up that I was sitting there sharing chips with the dog. After the party we rushed home for the OSU v. Miami game, which started off just as surprising as the WVU game. WTF, guys? Thankfully OSU pulled it out in the end and all was well. At halftime Hubs agreed to go out and get us something to eat...but I said "nevermind!" and had tuna sandwiches and vegetarian bean dip (with too much cheese! EEP!). Let's just say I ate halfway healthy (and much better than sending him out for Taco Bell or Pizza or McDonald's or something...) until I decided I should have another piece of cake. I couldn't eat all of it and didn't eat most of the frosting, but the damage was done. I don't feel so good today.
My body is trying to heal, but the more I rested the more ailments I noticed:
- my right thumb hurts. It's been hurting for weeks. No clue why.
- my right foot still hurts from the blister in early August at the 5k, which blistered in the new skin on the 10k even with the moleskin on it. It's getting better, though.
- my thighs were screaming, but they finally started feeling better yesterday.
- my hip is healing (finally!!). So far today no real complaints from it.
- there's a sore spot/bruise under my chin. WTF?
- my shoulder was hurting too on Friday...but it was feeling better yesterday.
The only exercise I did was prepping the cake (frosting a cake that big might've been the problem with the shoulder), decorating for the party, a small bike ride around the parking lot at the park (but Hubs' bike's seat hurts my hoo-hah!), a small jog back from the bathroom at the park (I wanted to know if my body liked jogging on grass better...it does), and about 70 crunches when I ended up on the floor of the living room for one of the games we watched (I got bored *lol*).
What I learned this rest weekend:
- No food I ate this week made my body feel good. I've felt like crap for 2 days and I'm totally done with that feeling! It's back to health foods as much as possible. I want my good tummy feeling back.
- It felt so good to just chill on the couch with the kitty and not feel overly guilty for not doing something. I was tired and worn out, and my body loved the rest.
- Skinny kids eat like skinny people. Overweight kids eat like me. Yeah, I learned that lesson and I'm gonna go back to eating like a skinny kid.
- Friend parties for my sons are overrated. I'd much rather save the $90 I spent on that party that 2 kids showed up to on the family. I kept thinking, "We could've taken a small trip or gone to the movies or gone hiking or something!" I think I'll be doing it differently next year.
- I still want to run. Yep, the desire is still there, and when my shoes get here I'm going to try them out...but I'm compromising with myself. C25k and C2F5k will combine. 1 jog segment, 1 fast walk segment, 1 jog segment, 1 fast walk segment. Let's try that and see if I still need to dial it back some.
- I miss my Sparkies! *lol* I stalked you all but I was so busy I wasn't able to really make the rounds and comment. I missed it.
Today is Ethan's game. I also get to see my Momma! YAY! She's coming down and wants to do lunch with Logan for his birthday after the game. I'm hoping Logan picks some place good where I can portion-control and not go crazy. I want to feel tummy-good on Monday morning! I also hope to get a small walk in later. If the weather holds out I'm thinking of taking the dog to the park and giving him some walk time. He's restless now that the weather is cooler and he really wants to go run around and play with us. But the other part of me is thinking SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP. We'll see what happens.
I'm also going to be thinking about my goals for this week. I know that I want to get back to the gym and really start working out...but I want to change my focus from fitness minutes to calories burned. I want to get the best bang for my buck from the machines. I can put 30 minutes in on the elliptical and burn a ton more calories than an 3 mile walk. I hope my shoes come soon so I can try them out, but if they take all week I'll just hold off on the C25k stuff until they get here.
Friday, September 10, 2010
So this week has been crazy emotional for me. After walking that 10k on Sunday, then dealing with the lack of finisher medals for walkers for my son, and then my oldest son's birthday party, I've just been all over the place. This morning I came in ready to sit down and really set out my September training calendar full of workouts for the month, much like I did last month, and I kept having to put these big fat zeros on days this week for exercise. And the thought hit me that I'm going to have to look at this calendar all month, and this week's lack of motivation and progress are going to pull me down all month (and here I thought September was going to totally rock!)...and I decided that instead of having those big zeros staring me down all month, I was going to write one thing for this entire week - REST.
Sunday I attempted the Couch to 5k program and hurt my hip in the third running segment. It was demoralizing, especially considering how awfully bad I want to run and how boring just walking has become.
Monday I rested. I wasn't feeling it.
Tuesday was much the same.
Then Wednesday I found this fire in me. I did 3 workouts, one in the morning, one midday and one after work, and tacked on another try at that Couch to 5k program again...this time my hip hurt in all three running segments, and even though I took them very slow and made it through three of them, I was still feeling awful. I tried to just fast walk the rest of the running segments, but I felt like my program was mocking me everytime it told me to run and I couldn't. I finished a 20 minute workout (this was after a ride on the elliptical and some ST at the gym) but I didn't feel great about myself, about my workout, or about anything.
Yesterday I was sore. I was wrapped up in my son's birthday and while my eating was fine all day, by the time the kids went to bed I was starting to feel guilty about my lack of exercise minutes for the day and I ate not 1, not 2, but 3 hot dogs, 2 of them with bread. And that just made me even more sad and guilty. I also didn't sleep last night worrying about all the party plans, about what kind of cake I needed to make and when I was going to fit in cake making to my Friday plans because, unlike most weeks, I have to work on a Friday this week.
I was sitting here staring at that calendar trying to figure out how to figure it all in this morning. I'm still store in my legs and hip and I didn't want to attempt anything today as far as a big workout is concerned. Well, that's not true, I want to...badly...but the timing and the actual doing of it keeps getting groans from my body. I also got hit with some bad news that my best friend lost her grandmother yesterday and the viewing is tonight at 5pm and the funeral is tomorrow. Oh, and did I mention that there's a WVU game on tonight that hubs and Ethan are super excited to watch (and so am I dangit!). *sigh* There's too much to do and too little time and I'm stressing out completely.
So instead of pushing myself to the brink and making myself sick this week, I'm using this week as a rest period. Things come up that we don't expect, and while I try to be superwoman and supermom and do it all, sometimes I simply have to learn to say no. I'm still not sure if I can make it to the viewing tonight, but I texted my friend and let her know that I'm here for her if she needs me and apologized for not being able to come tomorrow to the funeral because of Logan's birthday party. She said it was alright and that her Sitti would actually want me to celebrate his birthday instead. (Even though I never met her grandmother, I know from all I've heard that she was a wonderful woman, full of joy and life, who would rather throw a party at her funeral than have people be sad.)
Today's schedule looks like this:
Work until 4:30pm
Possibly make an appearance at the viewing at 5pm
Head to Wal-Mart to pick up cake supplies
Make cake while watching WVU game
Make signs and get favors together for the party tomorrow
Saturday is Logan's birthday party at 2pm, but I have to get to the park early in order to grab a pavilion and reserve it. Not sure if I'm going to be able to get Hubs to take some shifts at the shelter, so I may just be up there by myself with my laptop and a book for a few hours. Hubs' bike will be up there, so maybe I can get some bike riding in and learn what that feels like again...or maybe not. I have a ton of decorating to do and things to get ready for the party before the kids start arriving around 2pm. At 4pm his party officially ends and the rest of the night I still need to somehow get to the grocery store and start batch cooking for next week.
Sunday is Ethan's game and (perhaps) a lunch with my mom for Logan's birthday (since she can't be here tomorrow because she's in charge of a float in her town's Corn Festival Parade). The game starts at 1pm but we usually have to be there at least an hour early. I really hope their team can pull out a win this week. They're a good team but the past two weeks the other teams have just been better.
So my choices were to sit around feeling guilty about spending time doing things OTHER than exercising, or to simply give myself a blanket pass and not expect that from me for a few more days. On the upside, it should give my body time to heal, and should also give my shoes time to get here (I just ordered some Nike Pegasus +27 shoes online after researching a bunch, and a Nike strap thing and sensor to work with my iPhone's Nike + iPod app. (I can't wait for that! It's supposed to shuffle your music for you and all you have to do is pick your run/walk distance or time. I don't know everything about it, but at least I'll have all the gear I need to use it. Plus the strap can be used as a watch so no more having to use my iPhone to time me because that's getting tedious pulling it out of my bra to check the time! *lol*)
So here is my very own free pass to myself. I will not stress about workouts for the next 3 days. I will take care of the things in life that call for my attention. I will use any extra time to plan for next week. I will not worry about tracking that much, but will watch my portions and food choices. And I will not stress over what the scale says Sunday, even though I will still weigh in so I have a good judge for next week. Because the more and more I try to find motivation here on blogs and articles, the more clear one message came through -- this is not a sprint, it's a long distance marathon journey. Not every day is going to be stellar, but who cares? Your life is changing, so take the time to learn how to fit family and work obligations into your new life without giving into stress (and, thus, stress eating and ANTs - automatic negative thoughts). (BTW - I don't remember who came up with ANTs but it's awesome!)
So if the next 3 days you see blogs from me on life stuff and not healthy living stuff, understand that this is what important to me right now. This is where my focus has to be for the next three days. I'm not jumping off the bandwagon, I'm just riding on the side with my gaze in another direction. And if it happens that I don't get time to blog, just understand that I'm taking care of me and mine. I don't plan on staying away from Spark completely, because I'm hoping that this rest will only help to fuel my fire and reSpark what carried me through August with such success, but I wanted to give you all a heads-up at least. Because the truth is, what is healthy living without the living part? I'm not crash dieting, I'm building a new life for myself, and sometimes rest and reSparking is so important to keep the journey going. THAT'S the difference between everything I've done before and what I'm doing now here with all of you. I'm learning to live healthier while still living my own life.
Finally, thank you all for all of your support and encouragement, both in the past and much more recently. You have all been a tremendous help and support to me, from advice on things to do, to support to just keep going, the amount of positivity I get from all of you helps bury those ANTs every single day! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Upcoming possible blogs (a note to remind me what else is on my mind): Questions about Running and Running Stance/Posture, Sparking a Wildfire Around Me, Batch Food Blogs and/or Food Blogs, Spark-Member Organized Convention (see ~Indygirl's blog if you want to learn about this now), and The Problems with Goals and Rewards
Thursday, September 09, 2010
~*~ TIKI CHALLENGE ENDPLATE! ~*~ (DUE SEPTEMBER 9)
STARTING WEIGHT: 380.8
ENDING WEIGHT: 358.4
TOTAL LOSS/GAIN: -22.4
upper arm: 19.5" (loose) 17.5" (tight)
back fat/abs: 55"
boobnage: ack! left this at work
upper arm: 17" (loose) 16.5" (tight)
back fat/abs: ack! left this at work
knee: ack! left this at work
TOTAL INCHES LOST/GAINED: -21
STARTING BMI or HIP TO WAIST Ratio:
BMI: 57.9 - pear, decreased risk of heart disease, diabetes
CURRENT BMI or HIP TO WAIST Ratio:
hip:waist= .79 -pear, decreased risk
MY BEFORE/AFTER PICS WILL BE POSTED IN TEAM PHOTOS.
During the TIKI Challenge, my cardio was mostly focused on TRAINING FOR RACES and it worked well for me because IT KEPT ME TO A SCHEDULE. I feel that I improved MY ENDURANCE. I want to stick with it because SCHEDULES KEEP ME ON TRACK, but I also want to change it up because I DON'T WANT TO GET BORED. I feel that I have the ability to ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO now.
During the TIKI Challenge, my strength training was mostly focused on STARTING STRENGTH TRAINING and it worked well for me because MY ARMS ARE FINALLY SHRINKING, AS IS MY WAIST AND HIPS. I feel that I improved MY STRENGTH AND STAMINA. I want to stick with it up because I KNOW IT WORKS, IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL AND STRONG, AND I JUST PLAIN LIKE IT. I feel that I have the ability to PLANKS!! now.
During the TIKI Challenge, my flexibility and rest work was mostly focused on LEARNING ABOUT ACTIVE REST, TAKING TIME FOR MYSELF AND NOT FEELING GUILTY, AND USING YOGA AS STRETCHING and it worked well for me because I AM MORE FLEXIBLE AND MY MIND IS BETTER ADJUSTED (MOST DAYS). I feel that I improved MY OVERALL FLEXIBILITY. I want to stick with it because I KNOW NOW THAT STRETCHING IS SUPER IMPORTANT AND REST SETTLES MY HEAD. I feel that I have the ability to MORE DIFFICULT YOGA MOVES now.
During the TIKI Challenge, my nutrition was mostly KEEPING WITHIN MY CALORIES, LEARNING GOOD FALL BACK FOODS, AND BATCH COOKING ON THE WEEKENDS. I feel that I improved on BATCH COOKING and could use some more work when it comes to BUDGETING AND STICKING TO MY CALORIE GOALS MORE CONSISTENTLY.
What I learned about myself in the last two months was I CAN DO MORE THAN I THOUGHT I COULD, BUT MY EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE FOLLOWS ME WHEREVER I GO. I NEED TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT AND SETTLE THE DEMONS.
I learned that when it comes to motivation, HELPING OTHERS OR TALKING OUT THE MESS IN MY HEAD REALLY HELPS BRING MY FOCUS BACK.
I learned that the best way to get myself moving is TO HAVE SOMETHING TO WORK TOWARD AND/OR TO JUST GET OFF MY ARSE AND DO IT.
I learned that I am STRONG.
I learned that I can MOVE OTHERS JUST BY BEING HONEST.
I knew all along that I COULD TACKLE WALKING LONGER DISTANCES and now I have proved it to myself.
My next big goal is LEARNING TO RUN OR GETTING TO A SEMI-COMFORTABLE 15-MINUTE MILE WALKING PACE.
In the next challenge, I need more focus placed on NUTRITION and would like to see EVERYONE LEARN (INCLUDING ME) TO FORGIVE OURSELVES AND MOVE ON.
What I am most proud of from my TIKI challenge is I STUCK WITH IT! (AND COMPLETED BOTH A 5K AND 10K RACE!!) and I can't wait to see what I am capable of doing next.
And for all of you...my boy with his "official" medal from the race.
He wore it to school today and showed everyone. He also told them, "My mom complained so much that they sent me a medal! I'm the only one who got one!" *lol*
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