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Monday, April 26, 2010

I was reading a blog comment earlier that reminded me that it's not always about numbers on the scale or even weight loss goals met. Sometimes it's gaining strength and stamina. Sometimes it's just about sticking to goals you set like drinking 8 glasses of water or working out those 3 times a week. This is a story about today's mini-victory.

Today it is cold and wet. It was pouring when I left work to head to class. POURING. "Great!" I thought. "I have to walk in the rain tonight." I worried that the rain would keep me from working out tonight. But then I remembered that I told someone earlier that the way I keep myself motivated to workout even when I don't want to is to simply do it....even if I whine and complain the entire time.

When I left my class the rain had reduced itself to a drizzle. I gave a brief thought to simply skipping my workout tonight and making it up tomorrow, and then I brushed that thought off, headed to the car and drove down campus to the football field (hoping and praying it was open for use of the was!). I grabbed my MP3 player and my water bottle and gave myself a Nike boost. (Just Do It!)

I was impressed with how quickly I was lapping the track. I couldn't remember if it was 3 or 4 times around the track to equal a mile, but I felt I could get in four. The fourth time around the track was HARD. I got halfway and thought "OMG! There's NO WAY I can do this!" Time wasn't going fast enough and it was looking like a 5th trek around the track was necessary to fill my 30 minute goal. Then Radiohead came on.

Two jumps in a week, I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy
Flyin' on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop
You'd kill yourself for recognition, kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror, you're turning into something you are not

Well, that's right! I have been turning into something I'm not. I am NOT what people take me for! I am stronger, faster, and have more will power than anyone gives me credit for! speed increased immediately.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

I won't leave you high and dry, this body that I love and vowed to take care of. I promise. I'll make it through this and we'll both be stronger for it.

Drying up in conversation, you will be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces, you just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world
all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit at you. You will be the one screaming out

I imagined reporting back here. To all of you. To myself and I pumped my legs harder until I pushed through that 4th lap and reached that special place on the other side of the wall once again. (see my other post) This time it felt even better. This time it lasted longer. And it wasn't until 3/4 of the way into lap 5 that I started feeling those pains again.

Oh It's the best thing that you've ever had
The best thing that you've ever, ever had
It's the best thing that you've ever had

Yep. It was.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALIMESSA 4/27/2010 2:28AM

    You should be so proud of yourself...pushing is so hard, but oh soooo rewarding! Congrats on your victory (not so mini if you ask me)!!! Stay strong and you WILL persevere!

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HARMONYBLUE 4/26/2010 9:55PM

    Great blog! Great push through lap 4 and on to lap 5. Congrats!

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KILA1228 4/26/2010 7:42PM

    Good for you! Every step is going to get easier! emoticon

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DLEE27 4/26/2010 7:11PM

    Way to go! I was just thinking that my back and legs are sore and I don't really want to get on the elliptical tonight...thanks for giving me the inspiration I needed!

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ZENTHAE 4/26/2010 6:59PM

    Thats awesome! You are amazing for pushing yourself !

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HANNAHEP 4/26/2010 6:43PM

    wow! you pushed yourself to work out in the rain AND you pushed yourself to finish the lap. you are pretty awesome! emoticon

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AGAINALWAYS 4/26/2010 6:40PM

    Hooray! Good for you! It's amazing how it feels when we just do it!

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Death to Gawkers - W2.D2

Monday, April 26, 2010

There's a little something bothering me today. Maybe some of you have experience with this as well, but it constantly gets on my nerves and it happened to me again this morning.

When you are a male and you walk by or have a conversation with your female coworker, it is not polite to stare at their breasts the entire time. When there is a person in a wheelchair, you don't stair at their wheels and their legs. If a person has a lazy eye, you don't gawk at the "wrong" eye as if you're just trying to get its attention because you feel nobody else has ever tried hard enough. You act polite and try to focus on them, not their body parts. Most people know and, generally, tend to follow these rules. Why, then, do skinny people constantly feel the need to glance at, or even stare at, my stomach instead of looking at me?

Now I realize I am a big girl. I realize I carry a LOT of my weight in my stomach. I also realize that I'm doing something to combat this issue (although they may or may not know this). So as I'm walking down the hall to the bathroom and you say hello to my stomach and not to my face, it makes me more than a little peeved.

My stomach is not going to answer you. It will not give you a compliment to make you feel better about yourself. It will not give you a smile that you can carry along to the next person you meet. My stomach will not reach out to shake your hand or catch your books as they fall. I am more than my stomach, and I deserve the respect you extend to others to be extended to me as well. You might as well simply say, "Damn, girl! You got a big stomach!" because that's what I hear in my head every time you look at it and not me.

So, please...the next time you are walking next to person with a gut, look them in the face. Smile and say hello. If you know them, tell them how great they look. Find something to compliment, because it will go a lot further to making them feel better about themselves (and therein treat themselves better by making healthy choices) than any sidelong glance at their bulky areas will.

Keep your eyes on the prize dude...that would be up here!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AGAINALWAYS 4/26/2010 4:15PM

    Having always had a large chest, I totally know what you mean. 'Eyes up here, fella!'

It drives me crazy when people complain about an overweight co-worker and they ALWAYS throw a derogatory comment about her weight in - and they makes these comments in front of me! This happened a lot at a previous gig and I finally had to address it. When they'd say 'Fat B*#^%*^' or worse, I quietly ask what her weight had to do with the issue at hand. It was usually met by stunned silence and I'd take that moment to explain how hearing stuff like that when I was overweight as well made me uncomfortable and also wonder what people said about me when I did something wrong. I'd get assurances that no one ever talked about me like that - and they'd also stop making comments like that in my hearing.

My sister has always been super-skinny, and it's just as hurtful to hear "Gosh, don't you ever eat anything?" or "Well, I'm not anorexic like you." or "What do you have to worry about? At least you're thin!".

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WORKNPROGRESS27 4/26/2010 2:58PM

    Yep. I feel self conscience already, why are people so rude? I just don't get it. I don't like going to the GYm for the specific fact that people have no manners. I mean really? I'm Obviously trying. Give me a break, and even if I wasn't "You don't know me. How dear you judge me"
One of my really good friend's sister-in-law Said to her "No offense, but I really just don't see why people let themselves get fat." Now my friend is obviously over weight, but Saying "No Offense" doesn't mean crap when she just stood there and insulted her.

People are just rude.

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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Okay, this is going to sound ....I don't know what... but I have two reasons to dress up next month and I'm feeling anxious and confused. First up is graduation on May 16th and the second is a friend's wedding on the 29th. I'm thinking I can use the same dress/outfit for both, but I'm worried. Do I go buy something now and risk not fitting into it later? Do I wait and risk not finding something later? I unfortunately don't have enough money to blow on a dress now and another when the end of the month rolls around. i guess I'll probably just wait until the end of the first week of May and see where I am, and then go try some things on before (probably) ordering online. Funny how THIS is what I'm worried about right now. *lol*

Other things on my mind:
- I need to set some goals for least for the next few months. Maybe summer goals?
- I need to plan this week out before it starts so I don't have to worry about it while I'm at work/school and should be worrying about other things. (Thankfully there are leftovers from today that will help with that.)
- I cannot wait until someone can actually see the changes that have already occurred. My arm strength is increasing (I have muscles under there!) and my stamina increases each and every day. More importantly, I wish people could see the mental change that has occured over the last few weeks. Sitting here earlier today I looked outside and thought "WHY am I sitting in this house? I can do this homework later...even if it causes me a little pitter-patter in my heart by not getting it done early. Right now, at this moment, I should be outside with my husband and children enjoying the sunshine." I shut it down, grabbed all 3 boys and headed up to the park for an hour of basketball play. Exercise and SO much fun all at once!

Side note - Made both Chicken Vegetable Stir Fry and Ratatouille today. Leftovers are there for the week! I even got my 10 year old to eat vegetables today (the 8 year old was not so eager, but discovered today that he likes eggplant...going to go track down more recipes using this ingredient). Husband is full and happy! :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATRINAWINDHAM 4/26/2010 10:11AM

    I know what you mean about stressing about clothes! I am going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in March 2011 and the bride wants us to order our dresses this SUMMER! That's NINE months in advance! I hope to weigh a LOT less by then, so it's going to make ordering the dress kind of complicated to say the least...
Best of luck to you, ma'am, and keep up the hard work!

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HARMONYBLUE 4/26/2010 9:08AM

    Be sure to give yourself at least one extra weekend to shop in case you don't find what you are looking for the first time out. I recently made the mistake of shopping last minute to be sure I was at my smallest...and then had to scramble to find clothes to wear when my planned shopping trip was unsuccessful. I would also find a good seamstress now. Having clothes altered costs a fraction of replacement costs and tailoring an outfit to your body always looks better than wearing it off the rack. I typically have my clothes altered twice before buying new:) Congrats on all you progress!

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ZENTHAE 4/26/2010 7:25AM

    You're doing great! Depending on where you order from, some of them have really fast shipping. So I think you are safe if you wait a week and a half before, as long as you know what you want :)

Yay on exercising and good cooking! And getting your boys to eat vegetables, thats an accomplishment in itself hehe... atleast at my house!

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ALIMESSA 4/25/2010 11:46PM

    My sister got married last November and I was in the middle of losing some weight, so I opted to go shopping the week before the big day...a little risky, but I did lose some more weight, so it was the right decision. I live 90 minutes from San Francisco, CA and the Macy's there has a whole floor of plus size was awesome and I had several dresses I would have been happy with. I don't know what your Macys in your area is like, but not all Macy's are the same, so you might see if there is one close enough to you that has plus sizes...just a suggestion!

Remember that you are going on this journey for YOU, and the fact that you are noticing the changes in you is HUGE! It confirms that what you are doing is the right thing to be doing...that you are on the right proud of yourself you must be!!! Others will notice in time, and it will feel great, but focus more and relish in how you are feeling about yourself and your changes for now...Stay strong, you are doing AWESOME!

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TDAB26 4/25/2010 10:52PM

    Congrats & keep up the good work.

As for the outfit, if you have time but not the "extra" money, wait to buy the dress until closer to the event. Pick a date now and plan to to shop for a dress (alone). It helps, and will speed your shopping trip, if you know what stores carry styles that you like.

Good luck.

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L.A.PRINCESS 4/25/2010 10:45PM

    Congrats on your progress and good luck reaching your goals! emoticon

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End of Week 1

Sunday, April 25, 2010

SP SW: 416.2
Goal for this week: 414.2
Actual for this Week: 406.6
Weight Lost this Week: 9.6
Total Weight lost: 9.6 (60)

This week went really, really well. I let myself enjoy my husband's birthday with a couple bites of his Strawberry Shortcake cake, instead of an entire piece (or two or three). I let myself have a Blizzard, but picked the one with the lowest calories on their nutrition menu (they don't list them all and I feel there may have been a "better" choice but I went with what I knew instead of what I could "guesstimate"). I made sure that when I had these things, I was strictly following the calorie count ahead of time. I used small plates at every meal because it is helping my mind get around the concept of smaller portions doesn't necessarily mean a tiny bit of food.

My husband looks at me with pride. "She eats 1 cup of everything," he told his mother yesterday and it made me smile. He notices that I'm watching and measuring. He notices that I do my exercises, even when I don't want to because I'm tired. My kids have even gotten on board and now I see them eating apples and grapes instead of chips and snack cakes for their snacks, and that makes me feel amazing...because not only am I helping myself live longer, but I'm helping them make healthier choices as well.

I lost nearly 10 pounds this week, simply by following the plan, listening to my body, and refusing to beat myself up for little slip-ups. I wasn't depriving myself of food (in fact, sometimes I was worried because I was full and my calorie count was too low for the day...but I just let it go as long as I felt comfortable with what I had done that day). I did have those set-back moments of "This is going to take FOREVER!" and seeing pictures of myself in which I look enormous. But I pushed through them. I told myself that in a few months, those pictures will serve well as before shots and people will start to notice how far I've come.

One thing I did add to my count up there is a reminder that this is not my first time on this journey. A couple years ago I weighed in at 466.6 and I was barely mobile. I lost 100 lbs. and then I leveled myself off and let myself off the hook for awhile. Whether I should've kept going or not at that time, I don't know...but I'm not focusing on that now. Maybe it was good that I showed myself that I could maintain with only minor fluctuations for a couple years, and when I recognized that I had risen to where my pants were getting tight again, I made the decision to start this journey again.

My final goal right now is 266.6, because it will mean I have lost a total of 200 lbs. since that awful day on the scale. I also chose this number because the daunting task of reaching a final healthy goal weight of 140 seems too daunting to imagine. Even if I reach 266, I will be under what I was at my high school graduation 11 years ago...and right now that sounds marvelous! I'm not going to bog myself down with the reminder that even when I reach this goal, I will have another journey ahead of me.

My goals for next week are as follows:
* Lose another 2 lbs. (although I secretly wish I could lose all 6 and see the 300s again, I know that week 2 is rarely as successful as week 1)
* Work out 3 times a week
* Start making healthy home-cooked meals
* Set a better mindset and keep it running throughout the week by reminding myself that I may have struggled this week, but I did it!
* Find new exercises that I can do. (My son is currently pulling out the DDR and I'm reminded that there are other ways to burn calories that are both fun and successful.)
* Even out the food distribution for calorie/carb count so that I'm not trying to make it all up at dinner.
* Get more sleep.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CALLIKIA 4/27/2010 8:39AM

    It was a Kroger "Super Strawberry Shortcake" was huge!...and my husband and oldest son finished it off in just three days. I'm just glad the stupid thing is out of my house! *lol*

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KELLYAKAZ 4/26/2010 4:27PM

    Good for you!!

Was it Pioneer Woman's Strawberry Shortcake Cake? 'Cause that cake is AMAZING, and I'm super impressed if you just had a few bites!

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SIMPLYMARICRIS 4/25/2010 10:47PM

    Absolutely Fabulous! You may have a challenging journey ahead, but you just keep on focusing on the everyday successes - feeling better, getting comfortable with your body at every stage - before you know it, you will be at 266 and wondering where the time went. I am so happy to hear you have a supportive husband ( he should be anyway emoticon )
and that your kids are picking up healthier habits from you.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HARMONYBLUE 4/25/2010 10:37PM

    Welcome to SP. It looks like you are off to a great start. I would not even consider "little slip ups" slip ups at all. After all, this is a lifestyle...and every good lifestyle includes treats. The important thing is being accountable for them:) And I also wanted to say something about the occasional feeling that "this is going to take FOREVER". I had that thought almost a year ago. And then I realized if I didn't commit myself to the task ahead of me a year, I would have exactly as far to go as I did at that moment, And after a year, I have realized it really IS all about the journey. In my year of "losing weight" I have LIVED more than I had in years! You are going to have a great year!

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SWEETS86 4/25/2010 9:07PM

    Awesome job this week! We do not have to be perfect, we just have to keep trying.You can do this! Keep your goals small at first so that you are not setting yourself up for failure. Ease into it and you will be at your goal in no time!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALIMESSA 4/25/2010 1:17PM

    That is awesome...keep up the good are definitely on your way to a healthier you, both mind and body!

I, too, have kids, and it is definitely a wonderful feeling to see them starting to change because of your good example. My son is even challenging me...he is one of my biggest supporters.

Stay strong, and I look forward to following your success and being there to not only celebrate with you, but also be there when you need support and motivation!!

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DLEE27 4/25/2010 12:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
9.6?!?!?!? You ROCK!!! Wow, that is so fabulous and I am so proud of you! You are doing such an amazing job and I know that you are just going to keep rocking this every week! Give yourself a huge pat on the back girl!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REDCHILIFLAKES 4/25/2010 11:57AM

    You are a rock star! You have to totally right mindset about not completely restricting yourself, because as we all eventually realize - we have lives to lead, yet you are still experiencing success!

It's so great that you are setting examples for your kids and your husband as well!

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SUNSETPEACH1 4/25/2010 9:57AM

    Great job! Keep up the good work! emoticon

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ZENTHAE 4/25/2010 9:39AM

    What a great weightloss! You are doing amazing! Your husband sounds so cute! And I am glad your kids are going along better with it too. Good luck on next week!

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KILA1228 4/25/2010 9:22AM

    emoticon on the weight loss! Trust me getting more sleep helps!

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And Down She Goes - Day 4

Friday, April 23, 2010

Had my first "down" day today. Just a lot going on. Hubby's birthday tomorrow. Surrounded by skinny people who don't understand. It's been VERY difficult to get through without throwing in the towel. But I did my 30 minute walk. I did my strength training exercises. I kept watch on my calories. I got through it knowing I'd have to face all of you, and more importantly, myself at the end of the day and ask myself what I did this day to make the future better. I would have to ask myself if I did all I could to fight the battle and change my life for the better. I had that moment of, "This is going to take FOREVER!" and I reminded myself that I've been here before and I got through it moment by moment. I took a moment and it hasn't quite passed. Still, I'm hoping for a brighter day tomorrow.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAKI1027 4/24/2010 2:46PM

    I agree with DLEE, we all have days that are harder then the rest, its pulling through those days and knowing you did your best that will make you feel even better when you look back at them!!! You will know you had the strength to do it then, and it will help you gain strength the next time you really need it!!! Great job sticking to your workouts!! emoticon

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ALG5171 4/24/2010 9:42AM

    I liked this post,story and especially quote ifn fact it's making it into my quote book that I'm trying to make for those days that everything is just a little bit harder than it should be.

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DLEE27 4/24/2010 12:10AM

    Good for you chickee...we all have crappy days and it sounds like you did everything you could to stay on track today. Give yourself a huge pat on the back!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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