Sunday, July 18, 2010
Starting Weight: 466.6
SP SW: 416.2
Last Week: 377.8
Goal This Week: 375
Weight Lost This Week: 3.8 pounds
Total Weight Lost with SP: 42.2
Total Weight Lost overall: 92.6
How did I lose 3.8 pounds? Uhm...I don't know. Seriously. I can assume it's because I might finally be done with the TOM bloat. I can assume it's because I switched up my routine by going to the gym for the past two days. Either way - I will take it! I got on the scale like 12 times and never got a number above this. I will admit that I went to the movies last night with Hubs for a date night before the kids get back and I ate some movie popcorn, but I did have like 1,000 calories left that I could burn, so I'm guessing it didn't hurt me too much. ;)
I pushed myself at the gym yesterday with that "last chance workout" vibe running through me. I hopped on the elliptical first and it felt good (even though my calves were already sore...I raised the incline and started working my butt and thighs at a higher incline) so I ended up doing 25 minutes. I lovers the elliptical! Then I did a lap around the indoor track and hopped on the treadmill. By this time I didn't think I could do 10 minutes because my legs were so sore...but I talked myself into pushing past it. I warmed up at a 2.5 pace, increased to a steady 3.0, increased for a minute at a 3.5 pace, and then did a steady 3.0 until I hit 23 minutes before lowering back to 2.5 for the last two minutes as a cool down. My mental conversation was hilarious.
"Come on, you wimp!"
"If the Biggest Loser people can do this, so can you!"
"You got this."
"You get to rest tomorrow, just push today."
"Earn yourself a cup of ice cream here."
"Look at that guy lifting that huge friggin' weight...if he can do that, you can do this."
So after 50 minutes, I spent another 5 stretching (except for 10 wall pushups I did). I have to say that the group of people there on a Saturday morning is much different from the one on Friday night. Basically it was a bunch of older dudes upstairs and a bunch of younger guys downstairs on the free weights. I got a few looks from one guy, but nothing nasty or menacing. All in all, it was a good day and I felt strong.
Like I said, last night hubs and I went to see Inception (OMG, one of the BEST movies I have seen in a very, very long time! SOO good.) While we were walking through the mall waiting for the movie to start, I saw this girl look at me, turn really quick to her friend, say something, they both laughed and then the other girl looked at me. I have been fat all my life, and I know when people are making fun of me. So as we walked by, I kept staring at the first girl, because I knew she had to look again....and she did. I smiled at her and her smile dropped immediately. I think I freaked her out a bit. As I'm in the bathroom, though, I'm sitting there thinking about how I should say something to her and stand up for myself. I formed the thoughts in my head ...
"I would *love* to know what you're laughing about. Is it because your life is boring and I'm married, with two beautiful children, a honors degree in English, and a full-time job? Is it because I'm a published journalist for the Gazette and just had an interview in New York City? Or maybe it's the weight thing. Is that it? Because I worked out at the gym for an hour today, what did you do? I'm telling you honey, making other people feel inferior in order to boost your own self-esteem doesn't work. You might feel good for a second, but you'll soon realize that you have to go back to your pathetic life, and nothing that's wrong with me will make any of that better for you. Grow up and find something good within yourself."
Thankfully (probably), the girls were gone when we got out of the bathroom. It still felt good to remind myself of all the pluses in my life.
Today I have no plans other than going to pick up my boys at 4pm.
This week? I'm going to try to get the gym every day. I get home about a quarter to 7pm and they're open until 9pm, so I should have time to get a workout in before bed. Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays are ST days. They have a little chart there that I can use to track my ST and eventually increase my time or reps.
Goals for next week:
Cook up more zucchini recipes and eat healthy at home.
Track on Spark Savings. We're trying to save money for an eventual down payment on a new home.
Workout at the gym every day except today. (I keep thinking that the more time I spend at the gym, the more money I use and the more my 38 bucks is totally worth it!)
Act cool. Live life and enjoy it. And finish reading my book so I can start another. I'm reading The Master and Margarita right now...it's really quite good, Russians are crazy and I love it!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
So, yes. I joined the gym yesterday. And then worked out for over an hour. I have to say it - I'm in love! The people are great. This tiny, blond bombshell of a girl showed me how to use the elliptical and then kept an eye on me the whole day, making sure to show me the machines I didn't understand and making sure I was doing alright. She was wonderful. She kept saying stuff like, "We recommend working out about 3 days a week to start out until you feel up to doing more." I had to finally admit that I've been working out on my own for a few months and that last month I worked out every single day. She was wonderful and we had a lot of fun giggling together. I think I *might* have impressed her a bit as well. ;)
I started out on the elliptical, because everyone's been telling me that it's great for people who have bad knees. Very low knee impact. I thought I'd do about 10 minutes, but I ended up pushing myself to do 20. (Thanks AB girls for telling me to do more than I thought I should.) I then walked around the indoor track about 4 times before I hopped on the treadmill for 25 minutes. Walked around the track once more just to get my feet under me again before doing a full round of Strength Training. It was great and I can't wait to go back today.
I figured it out actually. If I did all 3 days of Zumba that I can attend, at 3 bucks a pop, I'd still only save about 4 bucks from going to the gym. Four bucks is definitely worth being able to use all the equipment, have a full round of classes to go to/try, and being able to shower after. Plus, I can go 6 days a week! Totally worth the cost.
They've got the following classes:
Low impact aerobics
Med-High impact aerobics
High impact aerobics
Core workout (though they've discontinued this for the summer, nobody showed)
They're also open until 9pm Monday - Friday so even though I work late shifts I can still get a workout in late. YAY! They're closed Sundays, so I'm going to use that for a rest day.
I'm leaving you with a photo of a cat fight from the two kitties. They made me laugh so much yesterday as they chased each other around the house.
In the scheme of things, Tiggy almost always wins because Max is younger and just wants to play. She tries not to P.O. Tigg too much. *lol*
Friday, July 16, 2010
Okay, guys and gals. I'm sending out a call of desperation here. Hubs pulled 3 more zucchini off Henry (our monster zucchini plant).
So now I have 3 monster zucchini and one normal (but still large) zucchini. So, as I head for the grocery store later, I need zucchini recipes! *lol* Anyone have any tried and true favorites?
Yesterday was a success! I made sure that I kept walking on both of my 15 minute breaks (though I was thoroughly exhausted on the second one and only walked for 10 minutes, but still!). Then I took a 35 minute walk at lunch -- and it felt amazing! And I actually went 1.5 miles and felt like I had the energy to do SO much more! Even though I've been away from it for a little bit (a little under a week), I've still got it. I ate under my calorie range (much like the fist few weeks I was on here). I drank about 10 cups of water. I was totally ON yesterday, even though it felt like the longest day ever!! (I leave the house at 7am, I did 10 hours at my regular job, then had dinner and did another hour and a half at my second job before driving the hour home....LONG!)
Today the plan is:
Clean living room
Sign up at the gym (and workout there for an hour!!)
Take the dog for a walk
Go grocery shopping
Cook healthy meals
Stop by the furniture store (they're having something called a "Garage Sale" and I don't know what that's about but we really need a new couch and chair...so maybe we'll find something there)
Right now I'm just waiting for Hubs to get out of bed. (Though if he doesn't get up soon, I'm heading off without him...)
Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday! One good thing about working those long 10-hour days is that I get Friday off. It's kinda like Saturday: Part I.
I'm leaving you with a great pic of my son in his football gear and some pics from last Saturday.
In full gear...MEAN!
In his position...
Ain't Ethan so cute??
Logan, being goofy as heck!
Me and the Hubs at the horrible game. (They lost 50-0! *lmao*) It's this county's semi-pro team, which means a bunch of washed up 40-50 year old men who still want to play football, but their bodies can't really take it.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Sit down. Shut up. Listen.
This rebellion against yourself. Yeah, that's stupid and it has to end. You are not 16, you are 29. Grow the hell up. What the hell are you fighting against anyhow? My concern for your safety? My concern that you will have a crappy life if you don't do these things, these things we both know you CAN do? Quit your whining and get with it.
You need to get your arse in gear before it grows to gargantuan size again. You got here before and stalled. Why the hell do you seem to think 380 is a comfortable number for you? You aren't comfortable. Sure, you're proud of what you've done - but that's more reason to keep doing it rather than go into this "maintain" mode, as you call it. You're maintaining unhealthy ways, that's what you're maintaining. Get off your arse and do something already!
If you don't move for at least 30 minutes today I'm going to KILL you tomorrow. If you don't do 30 minutes today I'll make you do 3 hours tomorrow. That's right, three hours of non-fun cardio and brutal strength training. Why? Well, because your fat butt needs it and you keep fighting against doing it. So what if Zumba was cancelled last night? Sure, lovely excuse to do nothing...but you could have taken the dog for a walk. Instead you walked by him doing the walk of shame, trying to ignore his face that said, "Why don't we walk anymore? I miss you, Mommy!"
You can't get by me with this crap anymore. Eating french fries again, are you friggin' kidding me with this crap? Who the hell cares how "good" they taste (and even you can recognize that they weren't even that good!), they are not going to get you anywhere. You complain all the time about how fat you are and how you just want to know what it's like to be skinny, and then you order french fries? Yeah, they looked real great next to your grilled chicken. Might as well have just ordered a steak, a cheeseburger, and some chocolate cake. Oh yeah, speaking of cake. Throw it the hell out. Who cares how much it cost? You're not wasting anything. You had your fun, now it's over. You are worth throwing away 6 bucks. Don't you realize that?
Look, I don't really want to be negative with you, but I have to do something to pull you out of that hole you've been hiding in for over a week now. You're doing everything halfway, and that won't get you anywhere fast. We both know that we want this more than just about anything right now. The career will come if you keep putting out those resumes like you've been doing. The house and new car will come once you get the job situation in place. The move to somewhere exciting can come later too. You're only 29, you've got plenty of time yet. Stop thinking that you die at 30 or something. You're moving in the right direction, and you know plenty of 50 year olds that have given up. You're NOT giving up on me. I'm not giving up on you! It's time to accept what you can control. This includes what you put into your mouth and what you do with your body. Go to the gym. Bite the bullet and buy a month's membership. And USE IT! Think of the stationary bikes and weight machines and treadmills and ellipticals just sitting there, waiting to be used. Think of sweating out those toxins in the sauna and taking a nice warm shower before heading out the door refreshed - and strong!
I love you. You know that. And you've taken too much time to deal with the stress of last week. Job-shmob. It will happen when it's meant to and in the way it's meant to. Deal with that when it comes. For now, let's get back to it. Because I noticed this morning that you're starting to feel squishy again. You're not feeling those strong muscles anymore and you seem to have forgotten how good it feels to wake up one morning and realize your legs/arms/stomach/whatever has gotten smaller, stronger. Let's love this healthy way again. Let's get back to it. It's a love in baby. A love of sweat and tears. A love of hard work and discipline. A love of compliments and looks of pride from those around you. A love of reporting on all the wonderful, amazing things you're doing. A love of who we've become and who we have yet to be if we keep going.
I love you. Let's do this! *hug*
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
First of all, thank you to all of you that commented on my blog yesterday. As I said then, I haven't been of the best mind lately. (BTW on the TMI - I'm on day 7 of this cycle. It's letting up a little, so I'm praying that today is the last day. But I've decided that I can't let it defeat me.) After those comments, I decided that what I really needed was a break. A full on, don't think about it, don't worry about a thing, do whatever you friggin' want break.
I drove home and grabbed Hubs and we headed out for a date night, just the two of us - something we rarely get to do without a time limit. We headed to our favorite Italian place in town and ordered whatever we wanted. This included a Diet Coke (*gasp!*), Marco Polo rolls (little egg roll looking things, but they're filled with cheese, kinda like mozzarella cheese sticks), and Chicken Parmesan (which I could only finish about half of), not to mention about half a French baguette with the best butter ever. I wanted dessert, I really did...but I was too full. So we stopped at Wal-Mart and I picked up a little chocolate fudge cake for us for later.
I *tried* not to feel guilty. I mean, everyone deserves a night off, right? RIGHT? I will admit that guilt crept in a little bit here and there (as it often does when you know you're doing something you probably shouldn't be doing), but I told it to take a hike. And by the time I went to bed I felt sick, but better able to face the next day.
This sounds so weird and...wrong...but in order for me to wrap my mind around 85 more days of "being good," I had to remind myself what it was I was really missing. And I started to realize that while it was GREAT food, I no longer felt the need to overeat it (except the cake - I went a tiny bit crazy there *lol*). I thought about not even blogging about it, as a way to further avoid the guilt that creeps in every time, but I want to remind myself. I want to remember last night. Because eating unhealthy, eating those tried-and-true comfort foods didn't make me feel any better. Not. At. All. They didn't cure my stomach pains. They didn't make me feel fuller or more free. They didn't suddenly make me a happy person. I was just the same person I was yesterday morning, just with an over-full (and slightly sick) stomach.
There's a learning curve to be found in weight loss. And while I can't say that I "got it all out of my system" or that I'm great today and ready to start all gung-ho again, I can say that I'm not sitting here fighting myself on every little thing. I have a lunch walk scheduled with a friend today (has been planned since Monday), and I'm excited to just walk without a "goal" in mind. To remind myself today what it feels like to put one foot in front of the other. I think I might go down to the market and buy a salad...and remind myself what the fresh fruits and veggies make me feel like again. (Because part of me remembers that it's a wonderful feeling - better than I get from any cake!) I already got some cash out for my Zumba class tonight (and, I have to give myself proprs on the fact that, even though I didn't work out at all yesterday, I was thinking about it, and I did bring my gym bag anyways...because it's like second nature, it eliminates one excuse at least!) and I'm actually a little pumped to move these hips again (even if I am still in a bit of pain from the Depo). I want to remember what that feels like too...and what the sweat pouring down my face (and arms, and legs, and back, and torso! *lol*) feels like.
Yesterday, while sitting in my hole (or rather, hiding under my desk - literally) I downloaded some great running/walking/fitness apps on the new phone. I have one that has like 1001 Yoga moves on it. It has practices with timed warm-ups and everything. And I'm excited to use those things in the upcoming days and weeks.
One thing is for sure, though - slow and steady. I tried to fight my way out of my hole by clawing like a mad woman. You know what happens when you try to claw your way out of a dirt hole? You dig the dirt from the surrounding walls and they collapse in on you. It was too hard, too fast, too soon. Instead, I should have thought over the situation and found the tools around me that would have helped me build my way out of it. I could have used my tools to built some footholds and fingerholds and then climbed my way out one foot/hand at a time. And that's my plan for the rest of the week. I might not lose 2.8 pounds by taking it slow, but I'll be rebuilding myself for the next hole. I'm learning valuable lessons here, and I have to always, always, always remember that! The next hole I see, I'll be able to get out of it quicker, and even quicker the one after that ...until the day that I see the hole before I fall into it and have the forsight to walk around or jump over it.
It's kind of fitting that July 14th is "National Nude Day" because I'm stripping myself back down to the basics. I'm not going to guilt myself into 2 hours of working out. I'm not going to nit-pick every ounce of food I eat. I'm going to make the best choices I can, do what I can, and make my way out of here slowly, but surely. I don't want to see this hole any more. I don't like the feeling of this sludge beneath my feet as the rocky mud has mixed with days of rain. I want to stand on solid footing again, but after a long rain the ground doesn't firm up immediately. It takes a few days to feel the strength of the hard dirt beneath you again, and a few days more before you can drive a car over it without leaving deep tire treads.
So thank you for your support, but I'm realizing... I have to support myself in this as well, so that I know the next time that I can...that I don't need the arms of 20 other people to drag me out of my dirt hole...the one I dug for myself and jumped into without thinking of how hard it would be to get out. I'm climbing now...one foothold at a time...and via footholds you've helped me build. So thank you.
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