Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Oh. My. God! I missed blogging yesterday!!! *cries* I don't know what happened, dear Sparkers....well, yes. I do. Once again, another family function with Shane's family. Another load of pizza. Another cookout. One after the other after the other this weekend! *sigh* If I don't see another hot dog for the next 6 months, it will be too soon. So after the birthday party yesterday, I didn't feel so good. I slept horribly the night before (this used to be the norm for me...not anymore...so when it happened the other night I felt just BLAH all day!) and I was hot and tired and just wanted to be alone. So I apologized to everyone at the party after I put in time for cake, singing H-B-Day, and watching the boys go at each other with silly string, and then I went home.
What I got done after that? About four hours of relaxing. Four loads of laundry, five if the count the last load I threw in before going to bed and asked Hubs to change. About 6pm, I realized that it was time to either put up or shut up. Zumba class was in an hour, and I could choose to loaf around some more and do laundry, or I could bite the bullet and just go to class. Bite it, I did. I wasn't moving quite as energetically as last week, but I was there, and I was putting in as much effort as I could muster. After Zumba, I went straight home and put the dog on his leash and off we went for about a half hour walk. We go anywhere from a little over a mile to 1.5 miles, usually. This time I stuck to the lower end, because I was exhausted....and thirsty!
So, yes, I was "too tired to workout" ...or, at least, I tried that excuse on myself. And then I told myself that I was not taking that BS from myself and I made myself move. Class again tonight. One great thing about short weeks is that I get off in enough time to do Zumba all week. Of course, I'll miss Thursday, but I'll get in 4 days if I remember this Saturday...depending on when Ethan's football camp is that day...
Still stressing over Thursday, but trying to pull myself out of it. What will be, will be. I can only do the best I can, be the best I can be, and be confident enough to make them want me. I can only motivate me, though. I can't make them choose me. I can't make them pay me enough so that my family doesn't want to kill me. I can't make everything work out, so I'm controlling what little I have control over. After that? Let the cards fall where they may. My mom used to say, "If it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, you were meant for something else." *shrug*
Finally, today is trash day. So I've decided I'm throwing out the negativity today.
My haircut looks cute!
My face looks thinner!
My thighs feel smaller!
My legs are stronger!
It's easier to get up a flight of stairs!
It's easier to walk up a hill!
It's easier to control the dog now that he's having regular walks!
I am a strong, motivated, intelligent, beautiful, passionate, creative, powerful warrior woman. I will conquer today and the rest of my life. I will make today count. I will make today something to remember tomorrow. And I will wake tomorrow ready to conquer a new day. One step closer to my goals. One step closer to becoming a better me, the best me.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Starting Weight: 466.6
SP SW: 416.2
Last Week: 383
Goal This Week: 381
Weight Lost This Week: 5 pounds
Total Weight Lost with SP: 38.2
Total Weight Lost overall: 88.6
This week has been a bit sporadic. I Zumbaed one day this week, and I really miss it. They canceled the class for yesterday because of 4th of July festivities. Still, I worked out every single day again. It's become almost second nature to me. One thing we've been doing is trying to walk the dog nearly every day. We missed yesterday due to time constraints, but we still walked at least a mile and a half, stood around for over an hour during the parade, and then walked some more in the evening to grab a better spot on the hill to watch Ripley's fireworks...from miles away! *lol*
Yes, I've been on autopilot. Still trying to make sure my meals all have protein, carbs, and some sort of fruit or vegetable. I have a similar breakfast every morning of an omelet, just because I know it works, it fills me up and lasts for a couple hours. Snacks have been smart. Yesterday I got home from the parade and ate a bunch of blueberries and strawberries. SO good! And then last night I had a little too much beer and some pizza. But I had eaten so conservatively all day that it didn't seem to hurt me much. I'm not touting that this is a way to lose weight...but letting your hair down every now and again is a good thing.
What I learned this week:
Movement is key. If I keep my feet moving I know I'm going in the right direction. Autopilot has been a goal of mine to learn, because I want to know that I can do this all the time. I'm not saying I will stay on autopilot, but it has been nice getting my feet under me and realizing that I know the tools that work. If I rely on these tools I have success. At the high weight I'm at now, there is still room for me to make a few mistakes and learn how to "autopilot" my life when needed. Once this weekend is over, it's back to plans...although I can't say I'll be on all week. This is going to be one of the most stressful weeks I've had in a long time, so I'm prepping myself for the added stress.
I'll add pics soon of my new haircut...but right now I'm waiting on my computer to be fixed by hubs. It's currently not picking up the internet connection through our wireless. SO frustrating! I never did find a black blazer, so I will go with what I have and make the most of it. *shrug* I can only do so much, you know? I sat staring into the fire last night thinking about New York and moving the family and how stupid I'm sure my MIL thinks I am. Everyone keeps saying "Yes, but your cost of living right now is so low." Sure, we don't pay rent or a mortgage, but we pay plenty of bills and I have to pay a buttload in gas to get to Charleston and back every friggin' day. Plus, I'm tired of doing this thankless job and I feel like I worked hard for something. I don't know if this is the right move, but I have to at least try. It's just an interview...decisions can be made later. Nothing is finalized.
So, yeah. That's what's weighing me down right now. That's why it's been so hard to stay here on task, writing out the same boring reflections that I have no answers for. I know I'll figure it out...I just need time. Until then, I'll continue to make the best possible choices I can and continue to move every day. I'm looking forward to my walk later with Joey. We walk about a mile and a half every day...and to think, I once nearly died (just months ago) trying to walk a mile. I may try two miles next time. I have it in me...even though the hills are painful on this route and the dairy farm smells to high heaven! *lol*
Keep on keepin' on. I'm sorry I haven't been around...I've just been spending much needed time with family, including Shane's aunt and cousin who are in from California. They come in one week a year and this is Christy week, so I'll be pretty caught up in family aspects for a few more days. Crazy, crazy week incoming. *sigh*
Saturday, July 03, 2010
It's been a long day already...and it's not over yet.
Just checking in, really. We walked down to watch the parade in town today. Over an hour of standing around...wasn't exactly the best time in the world, but the boys had fun collecting candy (while I collected water bottles).
After a nap, we're all headed up on the hill to the in-laws' cabin. The plan for the evening? Pizza. A keg of beer. Talking. That's about it. *lol* Not sure what's going on exactly yet...but I'm hoping for a good night. It'll be the first time I get to see the cabin done, so I'm excited about that.
I'll check in tomorrow after weigh-in (which I'm secretly dreading *lol*). I'm kinda on autopilot right now ...holiday weekend and all.
Happy 4th my Sparkers!
Friday, July 02, 2010
I'm enjoying the wonderful benefits of this weight loss, don't get me wrong. But there is one thing I just cannot seem to do. Squeeze my hips/stomach into a size 28. This is driving me C-R-A-Z-Y! Since April 18th, I have lost nearly 40 pounds and more than 18 inches. I have lost 6.5 inches alone in my hips, and 3 from my waist. But still...these damn size 30 pants! What's worse? They don't exactly stay up.
Every day I slip myself into my pants, wishing I had a smaller size. Every day I walk around with "droopy drawers" in the back and front of my pants from the weight loss. Every day I find myself pulling them back up. They rest on my hips and I can pull them down (even my "skinny" size 30 jeans from this summer) without undoing them. And still...those stupid size 28s keep mocking me. This seems absolutely stupid to me right now. I *should* be in 28s by now...at least SOME 28s. But I haven't found ONE PAIR that will fit my fat butt yet.
I have a 22/24 tank from Lane Bryant that I bought just a few weeks ago. I could've probably stood to get an 18/20. Now the 22/24 is just too big on me. So my top half has gone down considerably. In stretchy fabrics I'm looking around a 20-22. In the non-stretchy kind I'm down to a 26. I bought a size 28 blazer ...a BLAZER, mind you. This goes over another shirt...and I fit in the 28. I could even button the size 26, though it was a little too snug. Still...size 30 pants.
I know I shouldn't fret. I know, I know...I'm doing great so far and this NSV will come, eventually. But I can't help but be frustrated. I do know this is my body's natural nature. All through HS I work a size 22/24 pants with a size 18 top...or something like that. My top half is naturally smaller than my bottom half because I carry all my weight down there in huge thighs, big hips, and a very large stomach. Still, I can't help but be frustrated right now. "Maybe this month" I think...every month. Until then, I guess I'll keep pulling this stupid, stupid size 30 pants up.
Going to hit a few stores to look for that elusive black blazer today. Maybe I'll try another pair of size 28s...but I don't want to get upset again when they don't fit. *sigh*
All this being said...found a cute size 3x top (non-stretchy fabric and a cinched empire waist) yesterday at the 14 and up consignment shop yesterday. Also found a great find - a pair of size 11 shoes, black...modest heel...they fit and I'm thinking they might just be my NY shoes! WOOT! (I *never* find shoes there). 12 bucks each for both items...and the shirt still has a tag on it, so whoever bought it never wore it.
I'll take pics of the outfit choices soon and post them for all of you. Still not sure about this gray blazer...but who knows. Maybe it looks really nice. I'm just a very matchy-matchy kind of girl when it comes to suits. *shrug* Still looking for that perfect black blazer to go with my (growl) size 30 dress pants.
Tons to do this weekend to get ready for next Thursday:
* Find the perfect blazer
* Get my portfolio together
* Find the perfect, professional black bag
* Print off a copy of my resume
* Print out a list of references
* Prep myself (read: study) on the company and the people I'm interviewing with
* Prep some interview question answers
* Print out directions to myself from 5th avenue to JFK
Repeat after me: "You can do this. You can DO this!"
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