CALLIKIA   23,824
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What's It Blog About? - W8.D5

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I've seen an increase in mentions of "sorry this blog is about..." in people's blogs lately. (Maybe I've just been paying attention to it more.) Some refuse to apologize, others apologize profusely. So it's got me thinking about SP Blogs and what they're good for.

First off, the vocabulary of the thing:
emoticonBlog is short for weblog, and I like this definition from --
a personal Web site that provides updated headlines and news articles of other sites that are of interest to the user, also may include journal entries, commentaries and recommendations compiled by the user

On Spark you can find all sorts of blogs, but it seems that the unwritten consensus is that blogs are there to inspire others and share helpful weightloss and fitness information. "Not so!" I argue. A blog is a personal thing, just as your "journey" here is personal. And while inspiring others is an added bonus, often leading people to be nominated SparkPeople Motivator, the important thing to focus on, I think, is the personal. What your blog needs to do for you. What YOU need to say. How what you type will help YOU achieve your goals.

There are all sorts of blogs on here too!

emoticon You've got the helpful blogs. You've got story blogs. You've got the check-in blogs. You've got food blogs. You've got the goal/weigh-in blogs. You've also got the bad day blogs, which I posted about before. You've got question blogs. And there are happy blogs too!

Length varies too! Some people are the blog every day with one or two lines. A quick check-in and hello, if you will. Others (like me, usually) write lengthy book-sized (or at least short-story-sized) blogs. These people tend to be the writerly type.

And I'm sure there are more you can think of (Vlogs are horses of a different color altogether). The point is, blogs are as different as the people who write them are from one another. What works for you may not work for me.

But the purpose of the blog is to motivate you, not someone else. It's about what you need to say and what you need to get off your chest. For me, I write what I'm thinking about most days because, otherwise, it will hound me until I actually do write it down. It'll keep me up at night asking why I didn't care enough about it to share it with all of you. Sure, I hope some of it helps you now and again. But that's not what it's about. (Like today...I know, right? Another blog about blogs? WTF, dude? Whatever, it wouldn't leave me alone so there it what you want with it.)

A lot of these "sorry" posts I see come because people type out what I call "the life blog" or "the journal entry." Remember when you were 10 and your sister was mean to you and nobody seemed to care, so you pulled out your little leather-bound notebook with a lock (that never worked right) and pulled out a pen and you poured your guts into the little diary? You felt better when you tucked it back into its hidey-hole because you had released that energy and made room for something else. (Usually going back and trying to play with your sister again...even though she's "a mean poopy-head!") It was just the same when you got a crush or had a good day or something exciting happened or you got something you wanted for a really long time. You told your diary because you wanted to remember that on the 25th of December, 1994 you received a box set that included a Nintendo game system, Super Mario Bros. 3 game and Duck Hunt with a gun!

When those diaries went viral, like here on SP, other people got to share in your triumphs and miseries, and you made some friends out of it. You may have even found yourself with a popular blog post sticker... because blogs inspire us, whether you're trying to inspire us or not. What you need to write might be exactly what we needed to hear. What you ate for lunch might be what we want to try for dinner. What you are going through with your spouse might be the same situation me and mine are in. Or you make me giggle. Or smile. Or cry.

But, be all and end all, that blog was about you - not me. And while inspiring others may inspire you to continue growing, it's not about least I don't think so. Thanks for the tears or laughter or the great idea, but I hope you remember to get as much out of your blogs as you can. They keep you honest with yourself. They show you what you've done, where you've come from, where you're going, and what you still need to know. They tell you what occupies your thoughts most days...and let you know if you should reassess how much time you think about THIS or THAT thing. It's like therapy for the learn and grow from it. And stop apologizing!

Keep writing...and do it for you!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEGSFITNESS 6/17/2010 8:28PM

    Thanks so much for writing this :) I don't know what happened, but it doesn't look like I had been getting notifications of your new blog entries ^^:: *resubscribes*

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PRETTYMANDI 6/17/2010 5:41PM

    I always feel like you are talking to me hehehe

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    I loved this blog post!!! emoticon

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YASMINSHORTER 6/17/2010 2:43PM

    EXACTLY!!!! What a great blog about blogs!!! You've said what I've been thinking~ Just in a more eloquent manner!
Thanks x

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TEAM-SARAH 6/17/2010 12:37PM

    This is great! The blog is for you. I've definitely got a few people on my friends list who are clearly trying WAY too hard with their blogs. It saddens me when coming to spark is more about a popularity contest and worrying about what others think of you and how many comments you get than doing this journey for yourself. Glad you've got the right idea! I love your blogs.

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CREATINGAMANDA 6/17/2010 12:37PM


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SUGIRL06 6/17/2010 12:29PM

I completely agree! I usually give a warning at the beginning of my blog if I'm in a bad mood. LoL. But no apologies and I still write it! There is just a lot of stuff I like to share with other people who would understand and who better than my spark friends? Your blog if for you, and if someone else doesn't want to read it or doesn't like the topic, then who cares! You wrote it for you.

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Have You Met Gym?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Okay, so I can check off one of my SIYC goals!

Tonight I contacted my insurance company's Weight Management program. Turns out I DID sign up a couple years ago but I never actually got started with the program. The guy I talked to said that he didn't think this would disqualify for me for the program now. (They have a stipulation that states "if you begin the program and then quit/stop, you don't get another chance" basically.) He seemed to think I should be fine getting qualified for the program!

So what does that mean? For the first three months I'll pay $45 a month for services. This includes not only membership at a gym of my choosing (from their list), but regular visits with a registered dietitian, a physical workup and regular checkups of my progress, and a personal trainer! What's more, if I stick with it, the six months after those first initial months -- only $14 a month! SCORE!!

So, since I will have to make a decision as to where I want to work out -- I could use a bigger gym near work in the city, there are at least 5 within a 20 mile radius of my office - one within walking distance in the hospital across the street, or I could just use the gym by my house. There are advantages to both. -- I decided to visit the gym by my house first to see if they even had the equipment I would need to work out. (Hey, I'm a big girl! If they don't have the good stuff, I'll be over the weight capacity limit of the machines - like that chick who got kicked off the machines at her gym.) I was SOOOO nervous to go in there. I haven't been in a gym since I was like 15 or so. (I *loved* going to the gym back then and have missed even the sweat smell of it! *lol*)

I walk in even more nervous when I pulled up, as a truck pulls up with me and two hot young studs get out and head in, running into a really buff young stud coming out fully sweaty. "UGH!" I thought. "It's one of THOSE gyms!" I went in anyways.

I go up to the girl at the front and before I can say anything, this tall sweaty, well built guy looks at the two girls up front and says, "I think I'm pregnant." *lol* Anyhow, then I said to the girl, "Yeah, I just wanted to see, first of all, if you have the right equipment for a person like me." She started doing this nodding/shaking her head thing...I couldn't tell if she was saying yes or no, so I asked. "I just don't know what you mean," she said. "Well," I said, "I weigh 390 pounds right now and..." She interrupted, "So? None of us is perfect here." That's when I knew that I could totally find myself at this gym! *love* that!

She then encouraged me to tour the gym all I wanted. She said I could even try out some of the aerobic class that was going on (too bad I wasn't wearing the right clothes! *lol*). It's not an incredibly large gym, but they do have a racquetball court, a sauna, locker rooms, tons of weight lifting equipment (we have a huge HS sports program in this area so that wasn't surprising) and a few treadmills downstairs. Then upstairs they have a TON of elliptical machines and treadmills (and maybe some bikes, I didn't see them but I'm sure they're there) and some stair-step machines...and surrounding it all is an indoor track. And then there is a room where they do classes -- line dancing, low and high impact aerobics, zumba, yoga (EEP!!), bellydancing, all sorts of stuff! It was much more than I expected.

So the point to all this --- keep your fingers crossed that I pass eligibility screening and get to participate in this program. They keep it open to me as long as I use it. (And, little secret...even if they don't let me in the program, I might still join the's only 38 bucks a month! Not too shabby!!) But, still, the extra support would be friggin' awesome!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YASMINSHORTER 6/17/2010 2:48PM

    Oh wow! the gym sounds GREAT! I'm keeping my fingers crossed they "let you in" to the program!!!!

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SUGIRL06 6/17/2010 12:34PM

    And indoor track?!?!?! I'm so jealous. Sounds like an awesome program and a cool gym to join! One by your house would be nice because then you can workout on your days off unless you think you'll want to workout on your lunch break. Make a list of pros and cons and see which works better for you! Glad you had a good experience there!
PS. The "crowd" at the gym changes a lot depending on what time you go. You'll probably notice. But there's always a mix of people at my gym. Don't worry about the other people. They're probably thinking that its awesome you are there in the first place!

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 6/17/2010 11:05AM

    That sounds amazing, and I obviously haven't been to the other gyms, but one by your house always a good bet. Then you don't have an excuse on the weekend not to go. Forgot to grab an item of workout clothes (socks, bras.. yeah that's happens to me all the time), just stop off at home and head back If it's by your house you can do the morning workouts pretty easily too.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that you pass, but no matter what I think you should join. Ask about upcoming promos they are doing (sometimes free enrollment or 6 months at a reduced rate).

I'm getting excited for you!

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MERALO 6/17/2010 8:35AM

    Lovely! Holding thumbs, crossing fingers/toes/legs...

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SHEILA1505 6/17/2010 3:40AM

    This sounds so much like my gym which is a 5minute walk (if there's no traffic to skip thru) from my home - means I go any time I want to be there - day or weekend. No need to take the car and so no parking charges and no carbon footprint!

I think you are going have FUN at this gym - good luck

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ANGELLYBELLY 6/17/2010 12:45AM

    Yay! Anoter soon-to-be gym rat!
Woot woot!

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_DASH_ 6/17/2010 12:38AM

    "UGH!" I thought. "It's one of THOSE gyms!" I WENT IN ANYWAYS."

You seriously rock.

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RAVENSONG37 6/17/2010 12:21AM

    Yay Yay Yay!! You ROCK!! Keep looking at gyms tho, you may be surprised at what different gyms have to offer!!

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-SHIMMER-ANN- 6/17/2010 12:04AM

    OMGosh, that gym sounds perfect!! What's the name of it?? I would always suggest a gym close to home, I'm a gym rat myself...and that's what I prefer :) Good luck!!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 6/16/2010 11:19PM

    That's awesome! Congrats :) We are here to support you!!

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BECKYB73 6/16/2010 11:13PM

    You know, if you have a FSA you can probably get reimbursed for the whole amount of even BETTER.

I hope you pass their screening, if not keep doing what you're doing, cause it's obviously WORKING!!! emoticon

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TEAM-SARAH 6/16/2010 10:57PM

    That program sounds freaking amazing!! What a great opportunity. I hope that pulls through for you. I'm glad you found a gym that you would feel comfortable working out at. I hope this takes your workouts to a whole new level!

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PRETTYMANDI 6/16/2010 10:33PM

    I have been thinking about joining the gym by my house. I was a member a couple of years ago and I loved it!

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GRANDMAMAOF3 6/16/2010 10:13PM

    That sound like a great place! Good luck....
and do what you need to do whether or not you have the support from your job. You will love you for it!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITKAYTI 6/16/2010 9:54PM


What a great gym intro! I have always hated gyms, but after reading your blog, I might reconsider!

Good luck!

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KILA1228 6/16/2010 9:41PM

    Sounds like it's a plan. Take advantage girl!!

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KARVY09 6/16/2010 9:19PM

    Yay, sounds like a great gym! I hope everything works out, but if not, I hope you sign up and are happy!

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KNOWMOREBBK 6/16/2010 9:17PM

    That is the best news I have heard in a while! I'm so happy for you.... YOU SEE!!! That crap job was actually good for something! You even get a nutritionist? Amazing. Sometimes you have to wade through a lot of muck before you find the prize. Way to go!

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DHSPARK 6/16/2010 9:16PM

    Sa...weet! Hope you get to join...sounds like you're 'pumped up' for it!

Best wishes on reaching your goals!

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Power Hungry - W8.D4

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

First of all, a thank you to everyone who snapped me out of my nonsense yesterday. By the end of the day you all had me feeling once more like the strong, powerful, and motivated woman I really am.
emoticon Lots of love to all of you!

I was going to write you a detailed account of last night, but it's really not necessary. I'm going to TRY to be brief.

* No AM workout. SUCK!
* No walk at lunch. SMART! 99 degrees and humidity out the you-know-what!
* Going to the mall instead. AWESOME!
* Buying a tank in size 22/24. MORE AWESOME!
* Realizing you could've gone smaller. AWESOMEST!
* Impromptu going away dinner for a friend. SAD.
* Actually liking something about the pics taken of me. COOL.
* Japanese Steakhouse. YIKES!
* Ordering veggies & tofu with my sushi and avoiding miso soup. AWESOME!
* Fried tofu. YUMMY! (BTW - it tasted like fair food! *lol*)
* Too much sodium (soy sauce). UGH! ...but could have been much worse!
* Rushing home (read: speeding) to get a walk before dark. HILARIOUS!
* Brisk 15 minute walk. DEATH!
* First minute out of air. UH-HUH! Have to quit smoking!
* Telling myself I could just make it 10 minutes. LOSER!
* Wanting to give up at 6 minutes. ACK!
* Pushing through all 15 minutes. SCORE!
* Realizing I did a 17 min/mile pace. OMG! YAY!!
* Doing another 45 minutes on my inStride watching Jillian. SCORE!
* Previewing 30-Day Shred. YIKES!
* Bed at 11:30pm. UH-OH!
* Doing last minute crunches before bed. SCORE!

I am a success! Excuses are for losers, and I am NOT a loser!

This morning I woke up again at 4:30 am and did a DVD of AM Yoga before work. Had plenty of time to relax and destress before work. Felt centered and powerful. And now I keep looking over at my resistance bands thinking maybe I should incorporate those into my ST today. No walk training scheduled for today, so any walking at lunch will just be for me and will include a leisurely stroll. I might *gulp* take the day off of walking entirely and just plan on pulling weeds tonight. *shrug* As far as the 30-Day Shred? I refuse to start it until after this weekend.

Speaking of...anyone got any tasty/healthy camping recipes? We're thinking of going to Hocking Hills this weekend to get some camping in. We bought a tent last year and haven't even opened it. (Long story!) Hoping to get some use out of it Friday and Saturday -- and do some hiking! WOOT!

Well...that's brief for me anyhow!
Don't forget to drink your water! (It's getting so hot out there!!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAALAN23 6/17/2010 11:51AM

    I can relate to the speeding home to walk at my snail's pace. ;) Oh, if only my outer athlete could keep up with my inner speed demon!

Stoppin in to let you know I've tagged you as a friend. Beware!


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HEALTH-E-CLARE 6/17/2010 11:08AM

    Just getting caught up on your blogs. Looks like you definitely made up for your lost time that evening. Remember all workouts should be at your pace, don't let Jillian intimidate you too much. You can always turn her instruction off and it's not so bad!

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RAVENSONG37 6/16/2010 5:21PM

    In-Cred-Ible! You are ON FIRE!!!!! I like to take a bunch of fresh fruit and veggies when I go camping and then just throw chicken on the bbq. Easy peazy!

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TEAM-SARAH 6/16/2010 12:45PM

    Wow great job! It sounds like you could perhaps blame the 99 degrees with humidity (sounds like a nightmare to me) for some of the lack of ability to breathe. Definitely still a good idea to quit smoking though... it will only make things easier. You're amazing, such an inspiration. Keep working as hard as you do!!

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-SHIMMER-ANN- 6/16/2010 12:07PM

    Yay!!! Well done :)

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KNOWMOREBBK 6/16/2010 9:25AM

    WTG! Much better!

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KARVY09 6/16/2010 9:20AM

    Hehe, I like the mini recap of yesterday!

Wish it would get hot here... it's been a chilly June!

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SIYC Challenge Goals - 6/15-6/19

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

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emoticon For the next five days, I am going to exercise at least 60 minutes each and every day!

emoticon For the next five days, I will (not attempt, but WILL) do 2 sets of 20 crunches every day.

emoticon For the next five days, I will let go of the "don't have" attitude and focus on what I do have, what I can do, and what changes I can make to make what I want come about.

emoticon In the next five days, I will log all of my food and exercise, honestly, and weigh in daily so I can see the truth in where I need to improve.

emoticon For the next five days, I will blast out of my comfort zone by starting the day off with at least a mini-workout. Every day. No excuses.

emoticon On each of the next five days, I will go out of my way to make time to encourage at least 1 person on my team, to get to know them better, and to fight forward together! (In addition, I will encourage 3 new members and visit 5 friends I haven't heard from in a little while.)

emoticon I will ask my AB! team members and my Spark Friends to stop by my spark page and HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE for what I SAY I'm going to DO!

emoticon The best way to motivate me is to remind me that EXCUSES are for LOSERS and I am NOT a LOSER.

emoticon At some point this week, I will go to the gym and ASK THEM whether their equipment will work for me and FIND OUT what the MEMBERSHIP PRICES are to see if I can afford it.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYB73 6/16/2010 6:24PM

    This is an action plan for success! emoticon

Fully endorse! emoticon

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RAVENSONG37 6/16/2010 5:22PM

    Woo Hoo!! You are SO awesome!!

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RTB444 6/16/2010 10:20AM

    I feel like I need to start making these kinds of mini-goals! Good for you, and thanks for the idea! YOU CAN DO IT GIRL!!!!!

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KNOWMOREBBK 6/16/2010 7:55AM

    Way to stay motivated! I was feeling so blah yesterday and still a little bit this morning. Your blog here as motivated me to snap out it and quit with the complaining. We all have so much to be grateful for. The best way to snap out of the blah's is to love all that I can do and push myself to do.

Way to go chickie!

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TEAM-SARAH 6/15/2010 6:30PM

    Great attitude, go get it!

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CALLIKIA 6/15/2010 4:54PM

    TRIX - good point. My work does have a Wellness Program but I don't remember if I signed up previously and couldn't do it, or if that was something else. EEP! (It's a one time offer, if you sign up and quit, you're out forever. BLAH. I'll call and ask.)

TFFN - Thanks! :)

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TIFFANIE150 6/15/2010 4:47PM

    I like your goals!!!

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_TRIXIE_ 6/15/2010 4:44PM

    Aw, girl! You totally have this! Does your insurance plan have any reimbursement plans for gym memberships? My insurance covers $20/month if I go 8 times/month. It's a great deal!

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YOOVIE 6/15/2010 4:31PM


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A Baby in Need of Some Bathwater - W8.D3

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I fell apart last night. Honestly, I did. I threw a temper tantrum in my kitchen while I prepared Ranch Cheddar Burgers (which everyone loved - even Ethan who snubbed his nose at them when he saw the green onion, but went back for a second one after the first one was inhaled. You can find the recipe at SparkRecipes - I'd only suggest reducing the amount of dry ranch dressing mix to maybe half an was a little overkill for my taste).

"I have to do everything around here!"
"You sit around doing nothing all day and get paid more than me!"
"I'm at some worthless desk job that I hate where there's drama all day and I drive an hour to get there and an hour back when I really would rather be at home weeding the garden or walking or going swimming, or even sleeping for those two hours!"
"And I went to college for know that? I did everything right. I did what I was supposed to. I worked full-time and I went to school full-time, and I worked for the paper - which I hate most days, but I do it because it's a writing gig and is supposed to make my resume look better."
"And I get paid pennies for the work I do. And I hate it. I just hate it."
"I got every honor I could have gotten in college. Summa Cum Laude, top in my class. Seriously - what more could I have done! I was the friggin' president of TWO honor societies, for crying out loud!"
"And I maintained a 4.0 for three years! THREE YEARS of busting my butt and not getting enough sleep and feeling like I was going to fall apart...for what?"
"Oh, I I can sit at the same desk I was at before and do the same meaningless work I did before. And be everyone's B&#($ at work! Now they've got me working in another department where I've added a ton more work and training and two more bosses, basically."
"How much is one person supposed to take on without getting a raise? Oh, but I forgot - I'm just a stupid state government employee who does nothing and the stupid taxpayers in this po-dunk state have decided that we don't NEED raises, know, we don't even really DO anything."
"Maybe the rest of the people don't do anything - but I do stuff! I'm constantly doing stuff! I'm stretched to the max working in 3 different departments and trying to wear 40 different hats...but the taxpayers decide that I'm not even worth a teachers salary. At least they get the summers off!"
"Don't I deserve more than this? Who decided that this is all I'm worth? Why did they get to decide? I put in resume after resume and nothing. No calls. No emails. NOTHING. I spend hours looking for work - and there are plenty of postings in the publishing field right now, let me tell you - but apparently I'm not good enough for them. Why not? Why can't I ever be good enough for something worthwhile?"
"What am I good for? I wasn't good enough for grad I'm not good enough for a job in any field remotely related to what I want to do with my life? Why did I go through three years of hell if I wasn't good enough for anything?"

It went on like that for about 20 minutes or so. Sobbing and slamming patties together to stick on the grill. (I'm a great multitasker.) But then, just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over.

Now I have no idea what is going on. I know I'm stressing right now over work (duh! that's obvious) and the fact that hubby is doing something for himself on the internet and making more money than me most days...and I just got my check where they took out like 1/3 of it for taxes and insurance...which he doesn't have to pay. I've been working toward one singular goal for so long and nothing has turned out like it was supposed to. And now I'm just stagnant. And I *hate* being stagnant. Before this job I didn't stay anywhere longer than 8 months because I couldn't take the stagnant feeling of it. I've been where I am now for nearly 4 years and I'm done. I was done years ago, but I held onto it because they let me go to school and I thought that would mean something some day. But now I'm here twiddling my thumbs and wondering whether it was all worth it or not.

I am SO hoping that outburst was due to the injection of hormones I was given on Friday (Depo shot), but if not I'm not sure what to do. I'm doing what I can to find a job - and having a husband who isn't really "working" and two kids to support, I can't do what I want to do and just pack up and leave. So I'm in limbo. Stagnant.

All this made it very hard to get out of bed this morning. I haven't done anything I should be doing yet. I didn't get my walk in yet, either - which irks me. All I really wanted to do was to wake up somewhere else - NYC maybe put on my gear and take a early morning walk in Central Park before showering, jumping on the subway and heading to my office in a really tall and shiny building, busting my butt all day - ordering in for lunch from a terrific deli that is probably just right across the street - and then walking the many blocks home to get some extra exercise in. At home I would cook a fabulous healthy dinner, feed my family, and then catch up on some emails or something until it was time for bed. Instead, I woke up in my fake panelled room with the sound of rain and gloom outside, fog rolling in making it hard to catch your breath, laundry half done, a toilet that doesn't like to flush, and countless other annoyances. It will get better...or it won't. I just wish I knew where my hole was right now...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELLYBELLY 6/15/2010 3:33PM

    I. totally. feel. you.

I keep wondering where the life I thought I signed up for was.. lol.

But every now and then I take heart to what my yoga teacher always says at the end of his class..

"You are living your dream, don't let it pass you by. Namaste"

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CALLIKIA 6/15/2010 3:20PM

    Okay, have to thank you all for pulling me up by my bootstraps, pulling my hair like the red-headed step-child that I am and telling me to "sit down and shut up" well as the support. I'm better. I got new shoes and plan on walking in them tonight (it's just a short 15 minute walk so I can totally break them in!). Then I'll do some inStride cycle and push myself to do 45 minutes or more. And, if I feel up to it, I'll follow that with some relaxation yoga, which I totally need right now! Also thinking of stopping by the gym in town (that I thought had closed down! *lol*) and seeing what their equipment is like and what their prices are. They're open until 9pm, which fits my crazy schedule here at work! SCORE!

I'm better now. I got it out, I had some Starbucks. I feel like running! I still hate my job, but I need to do it because I'm what's holding this family together right now. Already sent out one resume today and have 3 more to send before the day is over. Then have at least 10 to finish up this week for higher paying jobs with the State. (If I'm not going to get to do what I want, then I'm at least going to find something that pays better! I did all that work for SOMETHING darn it!)

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TEAM-SARAH 6/15/2010 2:40PM

    Let me remind you that the grass is always greener. I walk to my job downtown (not New York, but Chicago) or take public transportation to a shiny high rise office building and that doesn't make the job I do once I'm inside any less mind numbingly boring. I still am not doing what I spent for years studying to do or anything I ever thought i'd do with my life. I've been stuck for 2 years, not 4... but I can relate to that at least. Ultimate you have to seek out the job you will be happy doing, that makes it all worth it. I'm still looking for what that is myself. I understand the need to arbitrarily change jobs for the sake of getting away and doing something else. But after a while, the same feelings will creep up if it's not what you really want. maybe giving yourself some kind of drive and purpose outside of it, and working toward figuring out how to do what you'd really like will make the time you spend at work less awful. Just a way to pay the bills while you're working toward __________. Good luck :)

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ERIN1128 6/15/2010 11:55AM

    I swear, I think it was a full moon yesterday - me, my husband, and our 6-year-old all had bad days, and we were all at each others' throats last night! Thank goodness for a new day and a fresh start. Hang in there!

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RAVENSONG37 6/15/2010 11:55AM

    Remember love, your job...just like your not YOU. I totally hear all your frustration and it's warranted, but you can't value yourself based on your job title, salary, weight, car, house, etc. Maybe I have said this before, but I try to remember that "expectations are premeditated resentments". Believe that you will be fulfilled in your career and it will happen, but don't get hung up on specific details/time lines. Its all gonna happen when it's supposed to! P.S. Take some time to celebrate all the accomplishments you have made! You are one smarty pants and that's something not a lot of people can say!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KNOWMOREBBK 6/15/2010 11:27AM

    It must have been "Spark Tantrum Night" last night. I went off last night on a mini-T myself. I'm constantly annoyed that my son idolizes his father (my-ex), who does nothing... literally take care of him. I'm the one who sacrifices everything and Disneyland Dad gets all the rewards. I try to be so supportive of their relationship and I don't want my son to ever think badly of his father, but the man is a complete AH. My episode lasted a whole 10 minutes after my son went to bed. There I am, yelling at NO ONE but the watermelon that I was cutting up for my son to snack on for breakfast the next morning. I was yelling at a watermelon....A WATERMELON! Take heart, we all have crap days. You are young and there is bound to be a job out there that will one day make you happier.

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    I really identified with you in this post. Granted, I don't have children.. which I know makes your whole situation more complex. I too wish I could escape my life on a regular basis.. and whereas I love my husband, when things get tough I imagine running away and having a whirlwind romance... with a guy who really understands me. lol Fantasy's are great until you have have reality knocking on your door.

Just this morning, my coworker and I are sitting in our dark classroom... most things taken off the walls, relaxing... and we were bombarded my the principal yelling at us for taking things down... yet, we have no kids to teach?? what the eff??

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PRETTYMANDI 6/15/2010 9:38AM

    Good for you that you let it out! I always stuff my emotions. Preferably with something of the chocolate variety and then wake up still feeling crappy, still unable to voice what's going on, and now hating myself on top of it.

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RUNNINGNP2B 6/15/2010 9:16AM

    Aww babe, it's ok to have days like that. Although if you do the NYC thing, I'M COMING TOO. Sounds amazing :D

As for the job front, it's annoying. It's disappointing, with all the work you put into school, and yourself for that matter...but unfortunately it happens. What do you think you can do to change it? Maybe delegate some of those 40 hats you wear to some different people?

It's funny how having a temper tantrum is sometimes exactly what we need to start feeling better. It's a purging of all those negative emotions, get them the hell on out, and then you start to feel better. Clears the air so to speak so you can refocus on what does make you happy.

I know it's not a deli in NYC (makes me so incredibly happy) but what can you do now that will make you happy???


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SUGIRL06 6/15/2010 9:16AM

    Can I move with you? We can be roomies. Sounds awesome. Cause I think I'm working the same place you are! But Kristina is right, look at all the good things you have (hubby, kids!) and it will make you feel better!

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DREAPRADO 6/15/2010 9:10AM

    Sometimes we get into these "moods" and no one even knows where they came from...I had a milder tantrum like this with my husband last night too...when we're stressed anything can set us off. But I always try to remind myself that it wll pass, hopefully he will hear the desperation in my voice when I'm asking for help, hopefully the kids will learn to help out more, hopefully everything will just smooth itself out...usually it does. Work drama sucks, but even that usually works itself out. I know its hard in an office environment (I've been there) but try to keep positive and your reward will come soon the form of another job or a promotion or just peace =)

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KARVY09 6/15/2010 9:07AM

    I hope the outburst helped you get out everything! I had the same issue (over going to great schools and having big dreams and not being able to find a job...) and I let it simmer for over a year before I was finally be able to let go and appreciate the things I DO have going for me. I should have done what you did and just had a good cry and wrote it out!

I wish nothing but the best for you and hope you are able to find something more fulfilling!

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