Tuesday, June 15, 2010
~*~SIYC CHALLENGE TEMPLATE FOR ACTIVITIES FROM 6/15-6/19~*~
For the next five days, I am going to exercise at least 60 minutes each and every day!
For the next five days, I will (not attempt, but WILL) do 2 sets of 20 crunches every day.
For the next five days, I will let go of the "don't have" attitude and focus on what I do have, what I can do, and what changes I can make to make what I want come about.
In the next five days, I will log all of my food and exercise, honestly, and weigh in daily so I can see the truth in where I need to improve.
For the next five days, I will blast out of my comfort zone by starting the day off with at least a mini-workout. Every day. No excuses.
On each of the next five days, I will go out of my way to make time to encourage at least 1 person on my team, to get to know them better, and to fight forward together! (In addition, I will encourage 3 new members and visit 5 friends I haven't heard from in a little while.)
I will ask my AB! team members and my Spark Friends to stop by my spark page and HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE for what I SAY I'm going to DO!
The best way to motivate me is to remind me that EXCUSES are for LOSERS and I am NOT a LOSER.
At some point this week, I will go to the gym and ASK THEM whether their equipment will work for me and FIND OUT what the MEMBERSHIP PRICES are to see if I can afford it.
I AM READY FOR THE FINAL LAP BEFORE SUMMER BEGINS!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I fell apart last night. Honestly, I did. I threw a temper tantrum in my kitchen while I prepared Ranch Cheddar Burgers (which everyone loved - even Ethan who snubbed his nose at them when he saw the green onion, but went back for a second one after the first one was inhaled. You can find the recipe at SparkRecipes - I'd only suggest reducing the amount of dry ranch dressing mix to maybe half an envelope...it was a little overkill for my taste).
"I have to do everything around here!"
"You sit around doing nothing all day and get paid more than me!"
"I'm at some worthless desk job that I hate where there's drama all day and I drive an hour to get there and an hour back when I really would rather be at home weeding the garden or walking or going swimming, or even sleeping for those two hours!"
"And I went to college for nothing...you know that? I did everything right. I did what I was supposed to. I worked full-time and I went to school full-time, and I worked for the paper - which I hate most days, but I do it because it's a writing gig and is supposed to make my resume look better."
"And I get paid pennies for the work I do. And I hate it. I just hate it."
"I got every honor I could have gotten in college. Summa Cum Laude, top in my class. Seriously - what more could I have done! I was the friggin' president of TWO honor societies, for crying out loud!"
"And I maintained a 4.0 for three years! THREE YEARS of busting my butt and not getting enough sleep and feeling like I was going to fall apart...for what?"
"Oh, I know...so I can sit at the same desk I was at before and do the same meaningless work I did before. And be everyone's B($ at work! Now they've got me working in another department where I've added a ton more work and training and two more bosses, basically."
"How much is one person supposed to take on without getting a raise? Oh, but I forgot - I'm just a stupid state government employee who does nothing and the stupid taxpayers in this po-dunk state have decided that we don't NEED raises, because...you know, we don't even really DO anything."
"Maybe the rest of the people don't do anything - but I do stuff! I'm constantly doing stuff! I'm stretched to the max working in 3 different departments and trying to wear 40 different hats...but the taxpayers decide that I'm not even worth a teachers salary. At least they get the summers off!"
"Don't I deserve more than this? Who decided that this is all I'm worth? Why did they get to decide? I put in resume after resume and nothing. No calls. No emails. NOTHING. I spend hours looking for work - and there are plenty of postings in the publishing field right now, let me tell you - but apparently I'm not good enough for them. Why not? Why can't I ever be good enough for something worthwhile?"
"What am I good for? I wasn't good enough for grad school...now I'm not good enough for a job in any field remotely related to what I want to do with my life? Why did I go through three years of hell if I wasn't good enough for anything?"
It went on like that for about 20 minutes or so. Sobbing and slamming patties together to stick on the grill. (I'm a great multitasker.) But then, just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over.
Now I have no idea what is going on. I know I'm stressing right now over work (duh! that's obvious) and the fact that hubby is doing something for himself on the internet and making more money than me most days...and I just got my check where they took out like 1/3 of it for taxes and insurance...which he doesn't have to pay. I've been working toward one singular goal for so long and nothing has turned out like it was supposed to. And now I'm just stagnant. And I *hate* being stagnant. Before this job I didn't stay anywhere longer than 8 months because I couldn't take the stagnant feeling of it. I've been where I am now for nearly 4 years and I'm done. I was done years ago, but I held onto it because they let me go to school and I thought that would mean something some day. But now I'm here twiddling my thumbs and wondering whether it was all worth it or not.
I am SO hoping that outburst was due to the injection of hormones I was given on Friday (Depo shot), but if not I'm not sure what to do. I'm doing what I can to find a job - and having a husband who isn't really "working" and two kids to support, I can't do what I want to do and just pack up and leave. So I'm in limbo. Stagnant.
All this made it very hard to get out of bed this morning. I haven't done anything I should be doing yet. I didn't get my walk in yet, either - which irks me. All I really wanted to do was to wake up somewhere else - NYC maybe ...to put on my gear and take a early morning walk in Central Park before showering, jumping on the subway and heading to my office in a really tall and shiny building, busting my butt all day - ordering in for lunch from a terrific deli that is probably just right across the street - and then walking the many blocks home to get some extra exercise in. At home I would cook a fabulous healthy dinner, feed my family, and then catch up on some emails or something until it was time for bed. Instead, I woke up in my fake panelled room with the sound of rain and gloom outside, fog rolling in making it hard to catch your breath, laundry half done, a toilet that doesn't like to flush, and countless other annoyances. It will get better...or it won't. I just wish I knew where my hole was right now...
Monday, June 14, 2010
I've decided this week to start weighing myself every day. I did a lot of weighing last week and realized that I fight for my poundage lost on the last two days of the week. Somehow I've gotten it in my head that I can just do whatever I want on Sunday and Monday...because there is the rest of the week to make up for it. But I busted my BUTT last week, and only came up with a 2.2 pound lost. (Don't fight the "only"...just listen.)
Truth is? I was fighting off the two pounds I gained Sunday and Monday, and maybe another pound on Wednesday. I let myself cheat here and there...and while I logged everything and seemed fine calorie-wise...my heart wasn't in it. Then the end of the week I found myself making up for lost time. I decided yesterday that this is no way to live my life. I tell myself all the time, "The only person you're "cheating" is yourself." So this week we're going to monitor and record and be honest. We (I don't know why I suddenly became plural) are going to see what staying on target can do. Besides, I just hit Step 3 in Spark's plan - "Lifestyle Change."
That being said, I have vowed not to let those evil numbers hurt me this week. I just want to watch to see what my body does this week and see what I can tweak to make it perform better. I've promised myself that I will take note of other changes this week as well...to diminish the importance of those numbers on the scale. So while I lost another .4 pounds according to Mr. %#$*-face (I mean Mr. Scale) this morning, here are 5 more important things that I've noticed. (And it's only 11am!)
1. Getting up early...is it for me?
So since I started this training program, I've got walks scheduled each day. (Or, like today, a cross-training session.) To make sure I get this in, I'm attempting to get to bed early each night so I can start my day with a work out. (I'm not gonna lie - RAVENSONG37 had a lot to do with this decision.) I woke up at 4:30am. Yep, you heard me right. FOUR THIRTY AM! When the sun ain't even warm yet! I ate a mini-meal with some protein and carbs, and then put on my spankin' new workout clothes and popped in the Yoga DVD. 30 minutes later, I decided I was done and turned it off(...10 minutes longer than my training suggested - OOPS!). By 5:30am I was worked out, showered, dressed, and checking in for my Spark Points. I got an early request from hubby for editing of an article, which made the rest of my morning a little rushed, but all in all, I was better for it. The best part? I know that I'm done with my training for today! SO awesome!! Worst? My eating schedule is all thrown off. I've added another mid-morning snack before lunch...we'll see how that works out.
2. I walk faster!
I was walking down the hall to the bathroom just moments ago...a simple feat, right? But I noticed something...it took me no time at all to get down the hall! I wasn't even trying to hurry because I really had to pee. Nope, just a normal pace, but something that would have been brisk just two months ago and may have put me out of breath. I noticed this yesterday as well. I used to barely make it through a 30 minute mile...yesterday I did my "easy walk" and reminded myself along the way to just enjoy the walk, take it easy, don't worry about pace or distance or anything but having an enjoyable 15 minute walk. (And Ethan, my youngest, joined me so that helped as we talked about stuff along the way.) Still, I came back and realized that I had gone over a half a mile in 15 minutes at an "easy" pace. That means no more 30 minute miles, even if I'm taking it easy and enjoying life along the way! YAY ME!
3. A pretty face in the mirror.
It is 11:11 am currently. Usually I put my makeup on at my desk as soon as I get into the office (8am) before the rest of the crew arrives. (I used to do this because I never got up early enough...I had planned on putting on my makeup before I left the house this morning, but then hubby popped up with the early-morning editing request and my time was being spent elsewhere, hence, plain-faced Esther left the house with her makeup bag in her shoulder bag for work.) But right now, at 11:13 am now, I am still sans makeup. Why? Well, because I've had a busy morning, partly. But also because I looked at this girl in the mirror today and ....well... she looked just fine without the makeup. I mean, sure her right eyebrow shows up more than the left, making them looked uneven..and her frekles show through in certain places, making her skin look a tiny bit blotchy...but she looks GOOD! She looks healthy. She has a glow. She smiles at herself. And that feels darn good. I'll probably put my makeup on before my walk...or after...or maybe not at all. I'm good either way.
4. Exercise can be fun?
One thing I never thought before was that exercise could actually be something I looked forward to doing. I always thought of smelly gyms that overcharged and had equipment I probably couldn't use, or full aerobic classrooms displayed through my TV where I'd bounce around like a fool in my living room, or even just LONG walks on the busy road outside my house, sweating and cursing the ground I was walking on. But then I realized (thanks to Spark!) that exercise is so many other things. Housework and chores = exercise! That means I can kill two birds with one well-polished and tidy stone! Or pulling weeds, which makes my garden look great, my plants grow better, and makes me feel the sweat pouring down my back and legs. (POURING, I tell you!) And there's hiking and rowing and swimming and running under the water (i.e. water aerobics) and playing H-O-R-S-E with the boys! Exercise does not have to be boring DVDs...though I love these for their convenience when I don't want to go do those other things. I use my weekends now to "get outside and play!" And I get some great cardio in while I'm doing it!
5. Cooking can be fun...but it takes a long time.
Turns out, I really do love to cook! I made grilled salmon last night with roasted veggies - fresh green beans, cut potatoes, green peppers - and some WW Mac-N-Cheese (in case the kids wouldn't eat the other stuff) that SUGIRL06 sent me. Everyone devoured the food. Hubby said, "Are you sure this is diet?" He complimented me on the "greatest meal I've ever made" and I realized something -- he's been saying this for weeks now! Each meal is a hit with him. He questions the validity of the "diet" factor and comments on how we must put this meal into regular rotation. Oddly enough, I'm so addicted to trying new things that nothing has GONE on regular rotation. I've made the Skillet Veggie Couscous twice, and the Chicken Fried Rice with eggplant is a solid fall-back piece for us, but usually I'm too excited about another new recipe that I can't see making something I already made. My breakfasts tend to stay the same, and lunch is a pretty regular rotation, so dinner is my time to try something new! And I *love* it! Of course, it's been difficult doing all of this on a really tight budget, but I'm learning (Thank you KIWIFISH!) how to make menus and how to shop smart. It's actually, dare I say it, fun to try and beat the "healthy food is too expensive" myth!
So, yes...today I was down another .4 pounds. That could stay gone or it could have been silly body makeup at the time I weighed in (maybe I'm lighter at 4:30 and I pack on some water weight between 4:30 and 6am! You never know...). But these 5 things are things that are making permanent changes, or things I probably wouldn't have seriously considered or thought about prior to April 18th. (April 18th is going to be a day of celebration in this house from now on, I tell you! It's my SparkBirthday! The day I chose to live again!) Take that Mr. %#$*-face...err...I mean... Mr. Scale.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Training - 15 minute Easy Walk (DONE - .66miles)
Other - 60 minutes weeding garden (DONE!)
Training - 20 minute X-Train (DONE - 30min Morning Yoga)
Other - Walk at lunch (DONE! 23m/1.06mi), 60 minutes weeding garden (Nope.)
ST - Full body dumbbell workout (Nope.)
*Note - I'm experiencing a little bit of back pain so I didn't want to overwork myself yesterday evening. Plus I had a bit of an emotional ...well, fit...yesterday evening. Not sure if it's the hormone shot they gave me Friday or what. In a matter of minutes I went from yelling and banging dishes around to apologizing to hubby for being a basketcase. Hopefully my body will regulate soon and, hopefully, my back pain disappears today so I can get back on the exercise wagon again.
Training - 15 minute Brisk Walk (DONE! .89 miles @ 17min/mile pace!!!)
Other - Walk at lunch (HELL NO! It was 99 degrees and muggy enough to take your breath away!) Instead, I did 45 minutes on the inStride cycle.
ST - OFF - But I did 2 sets of 20 reps Crunches
*NOTE: I didn't get my AM workout in, or my lunch workout. I didn't get anything in until 9:30 pm or so, when I did my brisk walk followed by the cycling (with a break in between). I needed sleep so I didn't eat afterward. Plus, I ate a bunch of salty food at dinner. I did good, don't get me wrong - Vegetables and Tofu and some Sushi, but I ate too much and it had too much soy sauce on it. I could feel that before I even went to bed and knew the scale would reflect it this morning. (see below)
Training - OFF
Other - Walk at lunch, yoga break (DONE! AM Yoga - 20 minutes!)
ST - Squat & Lunge Workout (Nope)
Training - 15 minute Brisk Walk (DONE!)
Other - Walk at lunch (Nope, but walked on my first break, also weeded for 45 minutes)
ST - Full body dumbbell workout (Nope.)
Training - OFF
Other - Hiking? Swimming? Water Aerobics? (DONE! - Hiked for 1-1.5 hours...also pitched a tent, which was a lot of friggin' work because we didn't know what we were doing! *lol*)
ST - OFF
Saturday: (NO SCALE AVAILABLE)
Training - 2.5 mile Endurance Walk (I'm calling this done because we were hiking for 5.5 hours straight - with small breaks, of course - so endurance was certainly in there!)
Other - Hiking? Swimming?
ST - Upper body workout (Nope...well, not technically, but I did have to use my arms a lot for climbing up rocks and such..)
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