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"I need my potassium!" and Other Things My 8-Year-Old Says - W7.D4

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

So a while back (I don't remember how long ago it was and I don't want to look...last week I think) I was asking for suggestions for why I had gained like 2 pounds in a day. (BTW - I'm pretty darn sure it was the sodium.) Someone mentioned Potassium and I looked it up to be sure I was getting enough and see what the symptoms would be if I was not getting enough. While I realized that most of my favorite healthy options were on the list of potassium-rich foods (therefore, not likely to be my problem), I also realized that nearly every single food was something my 8-year-old son refused to eat.

Lately Ethan has been complaining that his "heart" hurts. Okay, now before you call CPS on me for not rushing him to the ER, let me explain. We don't believe in panicking when something hurts on a child. We know enough to be able to try a few things, try to figure out what the cause could be, and then see if we can do a quick home remedy. Just as I'm trying not to put junk food and crap into my system, we do not want our children to constantly be taking medication. (Plus, there's a history in my family of waiting to go to the ER - if you reread my Zumba blog you'll notice that I found out my foot was broken like a day after the injury happened because Mom wanted to see if it was just sprained or something. When the pain continued without letting up, she took me to the ER.)

Let me also tell you that I have a history of hypochondria. I can make myself feel the pain and make my body respond in a certain way. A lot of made up stomach aches as a child in order to receive the attention I felt I was lacking led to real stomache pain and issues. (Add it to the list of cycles I've been trying all my adult life to break.) But even as I write this blog to all of you, my heart has a bit of pain. It started when I began typing about my son, and it will likely end 10 minutes after I finish it - once I think of something else.

ANYWHO -- So when he said his "heart" hurt we asked him questions about what he had eaten, what he had done, what the pain felt like, etc. We then instructed him to lay down with his legs up and see if that helped. It helped. He was better in a matter of minutes. He complained once more about it to me, and again relaxing helped to settle the issue. One more complaint and he would be at the doctor or ER (trust me, it crossed my mind SEVERAL times, but he insisted that he felt better). And then I read about how potassium deficiency can lead to irregular heartbeat, and I did a silly thing then - I mentioned it to him. I told him that he'd have to start eating some more of the foods on the list I had or take a potassium supplement every day to see if that resolved his issues. I also told him the choice belonged to him alone.

For the past week now, my son has been walking around the house grabbing bananas at random and eating them. Asking me "does this have potassium in it?" and holding up an apple. I think I even caught him looking at a nutrition label the other day. And he says outloud, "I'm going to go get a banana. I need my potassium." Later tonight I will ask him if the increased potassium has stopped his "heart" problems (I also put that in quotes because sometimes when you're 8 you think one thing hurts and it's really something his "heart" could be something else that he's mistaking for his heart - you know?).

But all of this has led me to realize that my son wants a healthy life. No, I mean, he really was born to be healthy! My oldest is more susceptible to peer pressure and is already highly addicted to junk food, but my youngest still has a shot. Why? Because he is conscious when he eats. He thinks about the most simple things - What does this have in it? Will it help my body? Do I even really like it? Is it good for me? Will I be hungry five minutes from now after eating this? Am I already full? Do I want seconds? Am I even hungry?

I know people say that kids are born with an instinct to eat properly and that we, the adults, the parents, the people who are supposed to be doing good things for them, teach them how to destroy their bodies and get them addicted to HFCS and other nasty, nasty things. But I guess I didn't see it until my 8 year old started eating bananas. He doesn't *love* bananas. If you offered him the choice between a banana or a sucker he'd likely pick the sucker -- or...or he might reason with you that while the sucker tastes better, the banana contains what his body needs to be healthy. That makes me a very, very proud Momma. (serious tears forming here people!)

I always worried that my kids would be fat and have to go through what I went through, what I'm still going through. And I know I don't have all the answers to make them stay healthy, I know that we're moving in the right direction. Ethan has started training (yes, he calls it training and he set goals for himself, I did not direct him to do this but he has been watching and listening to me a lot!) for football season, which starts at the end of next month. He tries to remember to do 10 cruches, 10 push-ups and 10 leg lifts (and insists that his legs must be exactly 6" off the ground) every day. He always volunteers to go walking with me, and he was DYING to come to Zumba with me last Saturday. (He's going this Saturday, btw...I've decided.)

So I guess my changes have helped create a brighter future for my child. And while I knew that would happen, logically and's just so nice to see the changes happening right before me. These changes are so much more important than inches and pounds lost...because I'm paving the way for a child who may not have to know what it feels like to not know your body, to feel ashamed and embarrased by your weight and withdraw from life. These are the BEST changes!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIANE929 6/10/2010 2:22AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RAVENSONG37 6/9/2010 10:39PM

    I wish my mom had taught me how to have a healthy relationship with food, exercise and my own body. Your hubby and you can set amazing examples for the boys and it sounds like you are well on your way!! I suggest making the radical shift to eliminate crap food from your home...if it's not healthy for you, why would you feed it to the people you love the most in this world? If the kids complain...tough boogers...they will find healthy stuff that they like instead!! That's just my two cents only kids are dogs and they don't mind when I change their food! :P

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    what a great blog. Its so nice to how our changes are affecting our families too. You should be sooo proud. emoticon

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  LMAO @ grabbing bananas for potassium. That's one super cute kid!

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CALLIKIA 6/9/2010 1:24PM

    Oh, and for the record - I'm not giving up on Logan. I still drag him along on our outings and, honestly, he likes a wider variety of healthy food than Ethan does...Logan (10) was the child who, when I was pregnant with him, made me crave salads and fruits. I lost 45 pounds in my first trimester with him, much to the chagrin of my doctors, btw! *lol* I just meant that Ethan is consciously thinking about these things. I think if I leave Logan be, steering him in the right direction as much as possible, he will figure things out on his own and naturally make better decisions. (He, unlike his brother, LOVES bananas...we call him "monkey" sometimes because he'll eat a bunch a week if I don't stop him! *lol*)

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BECKYB73 6/9/2010 12:58PM

    You, my dear are a KICK ASS PARENT! (and having worked for CPS before, I can tell you I know a good one when I see 'em!)

I'm so proud of you and Ethan!!!

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ERIN1128 6/9/2010 12:06PM

    So daughter who just turned 6, and I constantly struggle with the desire to make sure she doesn't get fat, versus the fear of instilling weight paranoia in her and making her anorexic by the time she's 12. Sounds like you're doing a great job!

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TEAM-SARAH 6/9/2010 12:02PM

    This is wonderful! It sounds like you are setting a positive example for Ethan. I hope you can help your oldest child make some lifestyle changes as well! The sooner the better

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MAZDAWD50 6/9/2010 11:52AM

    Great story! I am so glad that the Spark is being passed on to your son. There is nothing better than watching your children "choose" to do what is right and good for them. Helps us parents to know that we really are doing the right things too and taking some of the pressure off us to be constantly "nagging" them in the right direction.

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KNOWMOREBBK 6/9/2010 11:51AM

    So true... Eating right and exercising is passed down from generation to generation. My mother was overweight, my grandmother was overweight, and I see it in my own child. I love that my own son is now becoming very calorie aware. Plus we have little competitions on the elliptical to see who can go farther. Hopefully we will both break the cycle and our kids and their kids will benefit from all of the choices we make now. Makes me want to go exercise.

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PRETTYMANDI 6/9/2010 11:44AM

    How wonderful, that would make me one proud mama, too!

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Terrific Tuesday - W7.D3

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

So my Monday was blah - whatever. Today is better. Today, as RAVENSONG so kindly reminded me, is NOT Monday. *lol* Today is Tuesday and I'm so pumped to get it going that, well, I already started! I arrived an hour early for work this morning to get some copying done and get some overtime in. I slacked and didn't do it this weekend, so I had to make it up at some point. Today seemed like that point.

So I have already been at work for an hour and a half. The case is nearly done and I have to wait for a coworker in to get some questions answered on another one before I can finish it up. By the end of the day I hope to have at least 3 done...maybe 5 if I can stay a little later. Wow, this probably sounds really boring to all of you! *lol* But I've been so unmotivated to even attempt to work lately that I've done a lot of avoidance. Unproductive Esther is not a Happy Esther. If I feel like I'm not pulling my weight it just depresses me and makes me feel utterly guilty, even when nobody else is doing anything...I'm known by my boss as the one who gets things done quickly and accurately. No reason to stop that now just because I'm "bored" with it.

I brought my workout clothes with me as well and they are sitting under my desk calling my name. Look back in my blogs and remember when I talked about the peanut butter cups calling my name from the dish on the top of my the chants are coming from under the desk and from a much better source. Yesterday I managed to spend my entire lunch break (45 minutes) walking. I walked to the Whole Foods Market and picked up a small serving of homemade chicken salad with whole wheat bread and some fruit. And once I walked out I couldn't stop because, well because I wasn't tired and there was still time left. So I extended my walk and walked the same route I did with my friend last week. So, basically, by 1:00pm I had gotten my exercise in for the day. (That may sound rediculous to all of you who get up at the butt crack of dawn to workout but...well, I don't work that least not yet! *lol*)

And then I see a note from BBKLECKA suggesting (rather forcefully! *lol*) that I take a Yoga break. It was just after 4pm, the time when I usually get sleepy at work and get a little resentful of all those people at my work who work 8 hour shifts because they leave at 4:30pm and we still have an hour and a half I figured Yoga couldn't help. It makes me focus on what's important. It clears my head. So I intended to just do a quick routine and ended up doing 30 minutes. Oops! *lol* trouble can I get into today? A walk at lunch is definate if the rain and my knee cooperate. Beyond that? Who knows. And, don't kick me, but there's another Zumba class tomorrow night as soon as I get off work and I was thinking...if I feel up to it...I'm going. My goal will be to last 5-6 songs or about 30 minutes this time. No turning around. More modifications. A lot of walking in place and shaking of the tookus! C'est tout! No jumping or anything that might strain the knee. I thought about going last night but the knee was hurting when I tried to shimmy in the I figured I'd better give it another day.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

EDIT: I should probably admit now, in writing, that I went to a buffet last night and ate too much with hubby. Not that I care. *lol* No, really...I have no guilt. I'll just have to remember this day in case the scale argues with me next Sunday. I did turn to hubby afterward and say, "No more Ponderosa, alright?" Blah! No good, dude! Only bonus was the grilled chicken and baked potato I brought for today's lunch...the rest could've just stayed there for other people to be suckered in and drowned in useless, tasteless calories. YUK! Only thing I liked? Vegetable soup. That tell you anything about how my tastes have changed?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYB73 6/8/2010 1:08PM

    You work it girl! Listen to those clothes and get your workout on! Also, even if your knee is bothering you, if you can get into a pool you can still do nearly a full workout with few modifications!! ;)

I will suck you all into the pool with me!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

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PRETTYMANDI 6/8/2010 12:41PM

    I hope your knee cooperates. I have had to cut out all of my walking and aerobics for this week because my foot won't cooperate. My nemisis is attached to me and I can't escape it!

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    great job with the walking and other exercise and there is no need to beat yourself up over ponderosa - this is about getting healthy and changing our lifestyles but deprivation is not a part of the plan. It sounds like you made some good choices and we all need to cut loose a little once in a while. Keep up the great work! emoticon

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APATRICIAO521 6/8/2010 11:25AM

    You are making such awesome changes. Slow and steady wins the race. We cannot all be good all the time. Going to a buffet is totally OK when we so desire. It is what we do on the other days to make up for that matter most. Congrats on your successes!!!

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SPARKGIRL32 6/8/2010 11:21AM

    WOW-week 7!! I never made it past week 2!'re doing great!!

Comment edited on: 6/8/2010 11:25:54 AM

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CALLIKIA 6/8/2010 11:18AM

    I did have a knee brace, and I still have it, but I got it specially made for bigger sizes when I had my surgery...that was at least 100 pounds from where I am now. It's worn out and old and it cuts off my circulation (which causes a whole bunch of other problems! *lol*) I can try to wrap it, but it never goes quite well. I will figure something out, though...

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KNOWMOREBBK 6/8/2010 10:57AM

    YEA!!! You did do the Yoga! I bet no Milli Vanilli though (lol)! Good for you! Speaking of your knee, do you have a knee brace that you can use or maybe wrap up your knee before trying the Zumba again? Just a thought. Good luck! Hopefully it works out. Don't worry about Ponderosa, just move on to today. If we don't allow ourselves a little something special every once in a while, we will all go nuts (like cookie dough nuts). Have a good one! emoticon

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CALLIKIA 6/8/2010 9:26AM

    *lol* My new motto for the day - "That dang Dove ice cream!" Did you know that the lady at CVS gave me a coupon yesterday for a free Dove chocolate bar? She even read it aloud to me (because apparently I look illiterate...) before she would hand it over. I felt like snapping back, "Gee! Thanks! Why don't you shove a cookie down my mouth before I have a chance to leave the store?" I forced a smile, took my coupon and left. I currently have no idea where that coupon is. emoticon

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RACHELLY0724 6/8/2010 9:14AM

    I said a similar thing to my hubby last night - he brought home Dove ice cream (gasp!) in the small serving size tubs - I was already in bed, watching TV in teh dark when he brought it home a few nights ago (notice how I'm rationalizing all of it comes) - so it was dark, so I couldn't read the calorie content, or portion size - so I thought I was doing really well by eating half of the little tub - the old me would have eaten the entire thing.

Last night, I decided to treat myself again and have the other half - this time it was still light out - and holy crap, if that little container isn't 4 servings at 300 calories a pop!

I said to him, this ice cream is like almost an entire day's worth of calories - I appreciate the thought, but let's check those labels first!!!

I'll admit, while those extra calories are probably currently turning to sugars and fats and settling into my bootay, it did taste soooo good!

this morning though, I was struggling to get up and take a morning walk (literally like the 3rd time ever - I started last week) - I dragged myeslf out of bed thinking of that dang Dove icecream!

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RAVENSONG37 6/8/2010 9:11AM

    You are changing...Progress, not perfection!! You are progressing wonderfully and you know that what you do today affects you tomorrow. My husband (the poor guys) never knows what to say when I suggest eating junky food or when I refuse to do my I am learning to tell him when I'm serious. If I seriously want him to bug me until I get out of bed to go running, I'll tell him the night before "no matter what I say or do, get my butt out of bed" or if I need his support in making dinner rather than ordering it, I let him know that I'm feeling unmotivated and I need to lean on him a little. He just wants me to be happy, so I need to communicate to him what it is that really makes me happy. *sometimes it's chicken wings...but that's less and less often now!

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Just Another Manic Monday - W7.D2

Monday, June 07, 2010

'Tis Monday. I hate Mondays. I hate my job right now..honestly, I'm just plain bored and I had so planned on having something lined up following college that...well, I'm a little lost. And spending 10 hours at a job that is stale and boring isn't a great way to spend a day...any day, for that matter. I know I should be thankful that I even have a job, especially because hubby doesn't...but this job doesn't pay crap and it's boring as all get out, so I'm not thrilled or over the moon about it. I did not bust my butt and stress myself into a near cardiac arrest for three years to stay here, bored, underpaid, underappreciated, and unmotivated to even work because of it. *sigh*

Wow! Hope that's out of my system now! On another note - it's Monday. The real start of a new week, and I'm sitting here wondering - what can I do THIS week to top last week? I actually have a couple challenges starting this week, so I feel even more pressured to make it an awesome week. First things first, I discovered that the local YMCA's fitness center gives vistor passes for like 7 bucks to people "out of area." That will be of great use on nights I work late or have to work my second job and have time in between.

As far as lunch goes today - I have a few options. I can either eat the frozen dinner in the freezer (at least, I THINK I still have one in there...) or I can walk in one direction and get a salad at the whole foods, or walk the other direction and get a sub from Subway. It feels like a pretty nice day out there, so I think I'm going to take a walking option, even though my knee feels quite stiff following my 30 minute walk yesterday. (Hubby actually talked me into that...he wanted to go bike riding again at the lake...he's noticing changes in himself as well and he likes it!)

It seems today is going to be one of those "I don't want to do anything because I can't think of what to do indecisive days." Hope it turns around soon! Right now...I'm tired. Seriously ready for bed. I just didn't sleep well last night so I guess that's what's with me today. *sigh* I hate that I didn't drive to work because I can't drive off and get away from here. I know it should be good that it restricts me to walking, but I *hate* feeling like I've been stripped of my options. It's not that I *want* to drive anywhere, it's that I want to have the option of driving somewhere. *sigh*

(Grump Mood Activated)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CALLIKIA 6/8/2010 8:07AM

    Man, I guess my secret is out! *lol* I'm sticking to it, because I must more than anything...but I'm still looking...looking...and looking some more!

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RAVENSONG37 6/7/2010 11:57PM

    I think your Monday blues are simply the side-effect of missing me! ha ha ha!! JK. You will find something you may take longer than you want...but perhaps you are learning something along the way...I seem to remember something about "I hate to wait." Maybe one way to look at this job is that for now, when you really need it, it sounds like you have time to spark and get support from awesome people.

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PRETTYMANDI 6/7/2010 6:12PM

    I miss your blogs! I haven't been able to get on much because we moved this weekend!

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SUGIRL06 6/7/2010 1:42PM

    Ah feel better! You sound tired actually. I hope you have a nice walk at lunch time and can find some yummy foods!

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TEAM-SARAH 6/7/2010 12:01PM

    I know how you feel about the job situation :( I'm stuck at a desk job I'm not really interested in all day as well. I hope the week goes fast!

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Weigh-in for Week 7

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Weigh-in Day

Starting Weight: 466.6
SP SW: 416.2
Last Week: 395.6
Goal This Week: 392.6
Actual: 390.8
Weight Lost This Week: 4.8 pounds
Total Weight Lost with SP: 25.4
Total Weight Lost overall: 75.8

Goal Updates:

Workout Goal: 30 for 30!
15 minutes a day every day.
emoticon So far I'm 5 for 5. Today will be day 6!

Strength training 4 times a week.
emoticon Major fail here. I haven't been doing much ST. And what I am doing, I haven't been logging. One reason for this is the yoga routines I'm doing are like strength training (just try to hold 390 pounds in a dolphin pose for a minute and you'll see how much it works your arms and legs!). Going to try to improve on that this week because, as much as I like the pound lost, right now it's all about strength building (for my knee) and inches lost (so I can buy new pants, darnit! *lol*).

Increase speed of 2 mile (from 22 minute mile).
emoticon Haven't done much walking this week. Going to work on that this week and get back into doing my 2 minute mile at least once a week to try to improve. Found walking training for a marathon chart that I'm going to tweak for my goals of walking a 5K.

Try Zumba (class tomorrow...wish me luck!)
emoticon See my other blog. I did try. I did like it. I didn't make it through it because of the knee. This will change and I will find the modifications I need to complete a full hour class by the end of June! They aren't doing Zumba next week, which gives me a week to recover, and then I'll be back on the Monday after.

Food Goal:
No more "treats" every day. Once a week is good enough.
emoticon No, seriously. I don't know that I can do I modified my treat. We bought sherbet this week instead of ice cream. Lower calories = less guilt.

Find more "quick and easy" options and keep them on hand for lazy days. These are a reality for me sometimes, so I need to be prepared!
emoticon I'm working on this. Light hot dogs for cookouts (eaten with mustard and without bread), lower calorie hamburgers that hubby insisted on buying for me (and buying a cheaper bag, but like 40 more calories each and more fat for him and the boys). My husband has been absolutely wonderful through all of this and I love him more each day because of his support!

Lower the fat and up the protein and carbs! Try to stay on target here!
emoticon I'm doing much better finding lower calorie options. Carbs are still a problem, but I'm not worrying about it. I can't argue with a great weight loss week (in which I don't think I met my carb goal but like once...) - maybe my body doesn't need as many carbs. *shrug* I know I'm not exactly hungry for them. (Though a slice of thick italian bread sounds so good right now after reading Val's blog.)

Health Goal:
Breathe easier. I'm just going to leave it at that.
emoticon Working on it. This refers to stress and smoking and strength and endurance and a lot of things. I just want to feel better at the start of July that I did at the start of June.

Personal Goal:
Apply to at least 5 jobs a week. Make sure to check job sites every day for new postings. Spread the word to increase the chances of finding opportunities through friends and acquaintences - NETWORK!
emoticon I have been spreading the word. I check job posting sites nearly every day and I think I got 5 apps/resumes in this week. Still no word on any of them, but I'll let you know if that changes. I will find a great new job. I will. Just a matter of time if I stay focused. In Avon we used to say that it took 100 No's to equal 1 Yes. So if I knocked on 100 doors one day, the 101 door would be someone wanting to buy.

Other Goal:
Go camping one weekend this month.
emoticon Not yet. We're talking about this weekend because I have Monday off for WV Day.

Go hiking once this month.
emoticon We hiked, but only for about 15 minutes yesterday. Once the knee heals I can't wait to show hubby the pretty hiking path at Forked Run. He actually proposed the hike yesterday and sounds excited to do it! (He even said that it was easier for him to get up and down the hill to the lake yesterday. It made me smile. Hubby's getting fit too without really trying, just putting up with my activities!)

Go swimming at least once.
emoticon Okay, we went in the lake but I didn't get to really "swim" per se. I did "run" underwater though...that felt good! *lol* Hubby and the kids were laughing, and then the kids tried "racing" me.

Go rowing at least once.
emoticon Not yet, but hubby and I talked about it yesterday and we're thinking the boys would be more content with this if they get to fish. Thankfully we don't need to pay for fishing licenses for them because they're under 14. Neither hubby and I care to fish, but the boys love it. So hubby and I can row them out to an area of the lake and they can fish for a little bit.

What I learned this week:

I learned that I can deal with things that "pop up" unexpectedly if I just use my head instead of going to that place where I think "I can't control this situation or the food I'm given so what the heck." The cookout for grandpa's birthday party had me eating a cheeseburger and then I wanted a hot dog. I made the hot dog without bread. I knew this. I've known this little trick for so long...but I never really consistently stuck with it.

I learned that my weekend fun last weekend did not have to be the end of my weight loss. Sure, I gained weight. But I had a blast! And I wouldn't trade that for 2 pounds or even 10! I needed to have that time with friends. And we rarely see them, so this not being an everyday thing helps me to know that it's okay to celebrate once in a while. I got back on the horse and I lost the extra pounds this week - plus a little more.

Weight loss goal for next week: 388.8
Tee-hee...I kinda like those 8s! (one of my lucky #s!) It's a weight loss of 2 pounds. It's under the 390's! (SOO close I can taste it!) and it's very close to the weight I was maintaining after I lost that initial 100 pounds. (I hovered around 375-380 for years before starting to let myself slip, let in foods I hadn't allowed myself before, and gaining some more weight back.)

Still working with a sore knee today, but I'm noticing that recovery time is much easier and quicker now that I'm working out. I turned to hubby yesterday at the hike and said "Remember when my knee used to go out? Do you remember what I'd do all day after that?" Hubby: "You'd be laid up on the couch or bed all day in pain." Me: "Yep. Look at me now." Hubby (I think he may have cracked a smile at me at this point): "You're hiking!"

Sure, we had to give up our hike early...and there was a lot of leaning on hubby on the tough parts (it had rained so it was slick where leaves had fallen and there was a bunch of mud - plus there were a lot of hills, rocks and tree roots sticking out and a lot of up down and narrow paths). Hubby was worried for me but we tried it anyways. After a little bit I turned to him and said, "I think I'm done here. I'm getting nervous." So we stopped. And we took a little detour down to the lake where the boys had a blast, where hubby and I even got in, where I couldn't stop myself from doing some water aerobics, and then we climbed the hill back up to the car and went home.

After everything that happened yesterday morning - yesterday was a very good day. I learned a lot about my ability to push through. And I'm so much stronger for that!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-SHIMMER-ANN- 6/8/2010 10:32PM

    OMGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see the 380s :):):)

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TEAM-SARAH 6/7/2010 12:37PM

    Wow you set a lot of goals! Very ambitious, I like it! Great job with the nearly 5 lb loss this week. That's amazing. And you've got even more ways to improve upon it next week!!

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    You are doing a great job working around your physical limitations. Very inspirational! Keep up the great work! emoticon

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RAVENSONG37 6/6/2010 10:03PM

    Holy Crap Holy Crap Holy Crap! GREAT JOB!!!!

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AKJADE 6/6/2010 3:12PM

    I think you are donig wonderfully! You are wonderfully and awesomely made, continue to make it happen. You are moving "downward" and that is GREAT! I'm proud of you!!



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PRETTYMANDI 6/6/2010 2:54PM

    Good job! We finished unloading the truck and my foot is so bad I can barely walk.

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ALASKASKY 6/6/2010 2:01PM


Hang in there. I'm going through something similar. I think it's time for me to change my exercises. I'm bored of walking and Wii Fit.


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MAMMA_MIA1 6/6/2010 12:49PM


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MERALO 6/6/2010 12:39PM

    You can do this! You're head is in the right place, you have great goals...just keep going!

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Zumba = Major Fail - W6.D7

Saturday, June 05, 2010

So I went into today with the Last Chance Workout kinda vibe. This was it. Day before weigh-in. I actually went to bed early (well, earlier than most Friday nights) so I could get up early and go to my first Zumba class. And everything went well this morning. I woke up on time. I had a healthy breakfast full of carbs and protein. And I headed out the door early.

I walked in nervous. I paid my 3 bucks and signed the sign in sheet. Then I stood around and listened to the jingle of regulars come in (nobody told me about those jingle scarves they wrap around their waists...part cute, part annoying). I picked out a spot in the back with my water bottle and towel in reach behind me.

Four songs. That's how long I lasted. My knee started to hurt after song two so I started modifying. Then I tried to do something fancy -- turn around. Yep. I was turning around when I felt the familiar feeling of my knee going out. I was P.O.ed. I'm beyond the point now of fear and, instead, I jump to anger. This stupid knee holds me back from everything! So annoying. If you've never known the feeling of hating a part of your body for not cooperating...well, good for you! But at least once a month I'm reminded of what I can't or shouldn't do by my stupid knee.

Explanation - When I was about 16 I was jumping up and down in the parking lot of my school to keep warm. I came down wrong, my knee went out, I landed on the right side of my right foot. The next night my mother took me to the ER where we learned I had broken my foot, but my knee was just...well, it was just my knee. It's been going out since I was about 12. Anytime I sat with it bent for too long...squating was out of the question. After years of managing, the doctor proposed physical therapy. Apparently the muscle on the outside of my leg was stronger than the inside one. This caused that outside muscle to pull my kneecap to the left and pop my knee out. Months of physical therapy ended with no change...well, the only change was a stronger outside muscle. *sigh* Annoying.

So the docs recommended surgery to cut the ligament from my kneecap to the outside muscle. Months of recovery and PT followed. Seemed fine for a while...and then it started pulling the other way...and that hurt even more than before! So since 16 I've lived with increasingly annoying issues with my knee. Like I said, it goes out once a month or so. It can happen at anytime, no matter how careful I am to avoid it. Turning has been a big issue lately. I've even had it go out while I was asleep. I'm beyond the point of management and being careful.

So when I felt that pull today in Zumba, I tried to simply stand still on my right leg. I tried to jiggle and shake what I could, but everything hurt my knee. Finally I gave up and walked off the floor. I tried to go to the bathroom, but it was full of kids playing. Not sure of what to do, upset and hurt (emotionally/mentally), I grabbed my bag and walked out. And then I cried. Like, a LOT. I cried for what I had become. I cried for what I couldn't do. I cried out of embarrassment. I cried all the way home.

So, for today I failed at Zumba. But I'm not giving up on it entirely. In 20 minutes I had sweat pouring down my back. It felt great. I felt energized! It would have been wonderful without that moment. So Monday I will call my doctor and get a referral for an orthopedic consult. I will let them know that it is time for something, anything to be done! Even if it's simply another expensive knee brace until I can work this weight off.

THIS has been the reason I have failed with weight loss in the past. Not loss of motivation or addiction to food. I've worked beyond this, though there will always be issues with it now and again (not saying I don't have these issues, but saying, instead, that this is the least of my worries). But the biggest thing that has made me fail has been this knee. This time around? No excuses. I'll solve this problem and move on. I'll continue to walk. When the knee goes out I'll do crunches and my inStride cycle and my resistance bands. I'll do whatever it takes to keep burning calories. And I WILL find someone who will have a better excuse than "You're fat." Yep. Got that. But what can you do to make it so I can workout and NOT be fat? I will not be stuck in this cycle of "come to doctor with knee issues - doctor says to lose the weight - can't lose the weight because of the knee problem - knee pops out - go to doctor - doctor says lose the weight".

That's what I'm DONE with. I will be back at Zumba. I'll take it easy. I won't turn. I won't jump. I'm just shimmy and shake my bum for an hour. I don't care if I look like an idiot! Can't stop...I'm just too stubborn.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CALLIKIA 6/8/2010 8:06AM

    Unfortunately, I think I may already be addicted to the strength and flexibility I'm getting from my varied workouts. And I've been dreaming of Zumba since Saturday! *lol* There is another class tomorrow. The knee feels strong today. I think I may try again. This time I'm going to try to last 5 songs!

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RAVENSONG37 6/7/2010 11:48PM

    My lovely dear Esther, thanks for this...for trying zumba...for honestly sharing your struggles...for being committed to doing it differently this time. You are incredible. We have to cry through this...we have to have pain...we have to come upon those things that make us want to give up...and then we have to overcome them. We can...almost always we can do it...we just don't realize we can. And if we can't do it now, we will inevitably be given another chance to try to overcome that particular issue again. Here's the secret. Our weight is 10% genetic, 20% exercise and 70% nutrition. You can do some great work without ever pushing yourself physically...of course exercise helps us out, but if you are eating really well and getting all the vitamins, minerals, and nutritional needs from your food, you can lose weight!! Isn't that GREAT NEWS? I lost my first 50-75 pounds without doing any kind of real exercise. Keep doing what you can, and know that I'm behind you 150%!!!! emoticon emoticon

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    Not that my heel compared to your knee in any way, but I can understand how you feel. You have the WANT TO, but your body holds you back, and for that - I can totally identify. Tomorrow, I am going to start walking again.. Even though I bought my bike to help me get off my foot.... not that my foot is fine I just feel the urge to walk.. I found it sooo therapeutic.

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KILA1228 6/5/2010 8:34PM

    You tried and that's what mattered. As time passes and the weight comes off, your knee will feel so much better! Let the doctor guide you along the way and before you know it, you'll be shaking your butt off at Zumba!!!

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    Even though I don't know what it is like to have a bad knee (yet) I do have back problems that make it hard for me to stand and walk for a long time. Still - you made it 4 songs in Zumba -I've taken that class a few times in the past when I was in the 250s for weight - and it was hard to keep up with. That you did it, even with a wonky knee - incredible. I know I keep saying this, but you really have the right attitude. Take it to the doctor, and let them know what you've already accomplished, but that you want something done, something to help you acheive your goals. "Do what you can, with what you have, wherever you are, right now." Apparently Teddy Roosevelt said that.
If ya liked Zumba, you'll find a way to do it. Although I do recommend water aerobics, I never worry about my back doing it.
~M emoticon

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KIWIFISH 6/5/2010 11:33AM

  I have the exact same things with my knees (it's apparently hereditary.. joy) I haven't had mine go out of place for a whole though.. at least over a year. The first time I went to physi about it they gave me a set of exercises that hurt more than they helped. The second time I went to someone different they gave me exercises that actually helped some. I'm not certain of it, I don't trust my knees to act the way normal knees are supposed to, but they aren't getting hurt NEARLY as much. If you let me know what exercises you did for physio I can tell you if mine were different?

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RTB444 6/5/2010 11:17AM

    I can totally relate! I was in 2 bad car accidents within a 3 year period and my spine got really damaged in multiple places, I was supposed to have 2 spinal surgeries but opted out. PT was hurting more than helping and I quit. I began doing yoga and my back started feeling better than ever. Unfortunately though, every once in a while I'll do something at the gym and be sorry for it later. Deadlifts are one sure fire way to screw myself and end up crooked for days. Literally crooked, with one hip about 2 inches higher than the other. I know how frustrating it can be when you're really motivated and dedicated to fitness but your body won't let you do what your mind wants to do. You should definitely be proud of yourself for trying Zumba despite your knee problem and lasting as long as you did. If you need to cry, then cry you must - but don't put yourself down. You did your very best, and it wasn't you that quit the workout - it was your knee! Keep your chin up and don't be afraid to see multiple ortho specialists until you find somebody you really think is trying to help and not just looking for a payday for performing surgery. Take it easy, and stay strong! We can both win this battle, it just may take a little more time and patience. I wish you the best and I really hope you can find a specialist you like.

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CALLIKIA 6/5/2010 11:17AM

    Ironically, swimming used to be my go-to sport with the knee issues, until that was compromised in November. During my 6th lap or so in the pool, my knee went out. *sigh* Now even that is a tough exercise. Hello speed bumps!

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56_PICKLES 6/5/2010 10:48AM

    Good for you! You tried the class in the first place, you lasted for four songs, and yes, you cried and your knee hurt, but you haven't given up. Bravo! Don't take crap from your doctor, get the knee taken care of and get back to class!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

~Zoe, who is still too chicken to go to a class and when first heard "zumba" thought they were talking about the automatic little vacuum.

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KNOWMOREBBK 6/5/2010 10:48AM

    Like you, I have suffered from bad knees since I was in my teens. I had a skiing accident when I was 16 and needed to have arthroscopic surgery. My left knee has been an on-again, off-again problem ever since. I know exactly what you mean by having doctors tell you "The problem is your weight." Then I say, "But how can I lose the weight if I can't exercise because of the knee." The answer is to work around it. Swim, use the recumbent bike, elliptical trainer, anything that is low impact on your knee. I really want to start training for running a 5k by October, but I know that I have limits. I know I need to work into REALLY REALLY slow. If I don't work it in slowly, I will risk my exercise regime entirely. I haven't tried the Zumba thing yet, and it sounds like it could be fun. But maybe you need to work it in really slowly. Glad to see it won't keep you down and dry up those tears...You are a strong person and you wil get through this.Good luck! emoticon

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MERALO 6/5/2010 10:42AM

    This is brilliant! You've passed the self-pity phase and you're into the "screw it let's do it" phase. I believe you'll do this, and I believe you'll find a way to work with your CAN get it right this time, and you WILL do Zumba again one day, you just need to get creative about how you'll get there.

Hope I'm making sense!


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CALLIKIA 6/5/2010 10:39AM

    I did like it, actually. Was a good workout. Fun...and the instructor has a little Jillian in her too! *lol* I was a little afraid of her, actually! But I have to work through this knee issue first...

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SPARKGIRL32 6/5/2010 10:27AM

    Aww I'm sorry about your knee...I hope you feel better soon!

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SEESKO 6/5/2010 10:26AM

    When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

This is the second Zumba failure blog I have read this morning. Let me ask you something. Did you enjoy the four songs you did? If not maybe it is nto for you. Not all of us have to like the same things. Everyone I know is Zumba crazy, but not sure I would like it and you know what that is okay. I hope you find something you love and if you still decide to return to zumba...good luck.

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