Monday, July 29, 2013
Measurements (only to be recorded 8/1 and 9/1, unless known change on some)
Weight (only to be recorded 8/1 and then 9/1):
BMI (only to be recorded 8/1 and then 9/1):
Body Fat % (only to be recorded 8/1 and then 9/1):
Measurements (only to be recorded 8/1 and then 9/1):
-- Thighs (R/L)
-- Upper Arm (R/L)
-- Wrist (R/L)
-- Calves (R/L)
-- Ankle (R/L)
Shirt Size (only to be recorded 8/1 and 9/1, unless a change):
Pant Size (only to be recorded 8/1 and 9/1, unless a change):
Dress Size (only to be recorded 8/1 and 9/1, unless a change):
Bra Size (only to be recorded 8/1 and 9/1, unless a change):
Mood, Behavior and Daily Wellness
Mood Upon Waking:
Time of Getting Up:
Any snooze pushes?
How did you sleep?
Any Slumps/Tiredness/Dizziness throughout the day?:
Pain Level of PF (1-10, 1 being fine and 10 being cannot put weight on it):
Any Stomach Pain or Discomfort? When? How long did it last?
Any noticeable skin changes?
Energy Level throughout the day:
Mood Upon Retiring:
Time retired to bed:
Meals. Include link to recipe and/or ingredient list.
After-Dinner Snack or Dessert (or before-dinner if football night):
Early Morning Activity Type and Duration:
Early Morning Stretches Type and Duration:
Midday Activity Type and Duration:
Evening Activity Type and Duration:
# of Pushups:
# of Crunches:
# of Squats:
The Ideal Day would look as follows -
4:30 am - Wake up, dress for workout
5:00 am - Walk or other cardio workout
5:45 am - Stretches/Yoga
6:00 am - Shower and Dress for Work
6:30 am - Breakfast, Pack Lunch if not done night before
7:00 am - Leave for Work
8:00 am - 4:00 pm - Work, with a 30 minute activity break around lunchtime
4:00 pm - Leave for Home
5:00 pm - Arrive Home, prep small snack or mini meal for Football Practice
5:30 pm - Football practice, Mom's 2nd workout if not volunteering (walk or strength exercises)
7:30 pm - Go home and prepare family Whole30 Approved meal, pack tomorrow's lunch
8:00 pm - Dinner
9:00 pm - Bed
* Regular Football Practices - I generally like to talk and hang out during football practice. I need to focus at least 15 minutes of time to a quick activity or mini-workout or at least get in a few strength moves and stretches. I could invite one of the other ladies for a short walk around the basketball court next to the practice field in order to still socialize while getting my activity in.
* Early Morning Risers - I will need to get up at 4:30 am in order to get everything in that I would like to do before work and I am not exactly a morning person. I will set out my clothes before bed, try to get to bed as early as possible, especially in the beginning, be sure to have the next morning's workout planned before I go to bed the night before, and will do my best to get in as many early morning workouts as possible. BUT - I will not kill myself or think all is lost if for some reason I cannot get my workout in that morning. When short on time, I will do some yoga and meditation to prepare myself for the day.
* Weekends - I always seem to do better during the week when there is structure. I will use my weekends as opportunities to do more fun activities with the boys. I will include things like long walks around the town with my camera to indulge in my photography passion and build my portfolio, hikes through the wilderness to calm my inner self, and swimming at the lake. I will also allow myself to use heavy cleaning and heavy yardwork as an exercise routine on the weekends, as I will push myself to do enough to bring forth a good sweat and raise my heartrate.
* Football games - Grid-O-Rama and Ethan's first game will fall in August. I will be tempted to eat the crap food from the concession stand due to both environment and peer pressure. I will learn to pack healthy snack options and not fault myself for eating an extra snack if it is both healthy and Whole30 approved, if needed to mitigate this risk.
* Date Night - I have at least one date night planned for myself and my husband on August 9th. We may or may not attend, but if we do decide to go to Live on the Levee, I will make plans enough in advance to know what we can eat and where. Going out is not an excuse to cheat and I do not want to finish this 30 days disappointed.
* Special Family Visit - We will have family in from out of town for their annual summer visit. I will be tempted to join them for outings out to dinner and parties with things like beer and pizza. I will do my best to remind myself that their visit IS special, but that is no reason to think it should involve indulgent foods. I will make the necessary plans to stay on task and be prepared when situations arise that test my courage and determination.
If all else fails, read the directions.
- Meat - grass-fed and nitrate free
- Vegetables - organic and fresh, where possible
- Clarified butter/ghee
- Green beans, sugar snap peas, snow peas
- Vinegars w/o added sugar
- Coconut milk
- Applesauce w/o added sugar
- Tomato sauce w/o added sugar
- Chicken broth w/o added sugar
- Canned olives
- Healthy fats
VEG - MEAT - HEALTHY FATS
- Sugar -real or artificial
- Alcohol or tobacco
- Grains (including corn)
- Carrageenan, MSG, sulfites
- White potatoes
- Paleo-ifying desserts or junk food
- Weighing or measuring
Friday, July 26, 2013
Well, it would finally seem that I'm coming around, as it were. I'm sure the 405 I saw on the scale last night was a bit of motivation for me. Granted it was late and I was swollen as all get out from the stress and insanity that has been this week, but still...it means it's time for me to get moving again. Now it's all about setting up a plan I can work with and stick to and that motivates me.
I have a lot of opportunities and options...and a lot of pros and cons for each thing.
I think I certainly need to incorporate Yoga and meditation into my daily routine. I've lost the bulk of my flexibility with this PF, and I think once it starts to return the PF will actually lessen. I need to find away to get a few quiet moments in the morning to stretch and meditate and prepare myself for the day.
2. Whole 30
I hate to say it, because I remember how amazingly difficult weeks 2 and 3 are, but I really need to do this again for several reasons. First, I need to slay this sugar demon right now. I need to get the monkey off my back and the best way to do that is cold turkey through Whole 30. Second, I need to finish the 30 days to prove to myself I can. I think this would be an amazing jumpstart for me and would really challenge me to let go of what I think I failed in the past and move forward with renewed hope and confidence in myself and my abilities.
3. 30 Day Shred
I would love to have a program like this that could help build my strength, but I worry that I'm trying to do too much too soon. I'll probably leave this for another challenge in a month or so.
Okay, so I have a 5k that I WILL be doing in about 9 1/2 weeks. It's really time for me to start getting on the ball with training, especially considering the mile walk I did with the kids the other day nearly killed me (of course I think the humidity was at like 80%...it was disgusting out!). I've mapped some walking routes in town that range from a mile to 2.5 miles. Once I get myself into the 2-mile groove I'm going to map out the perfect 5k route and get myself back in racing shape.
Let's face it...I feel best, body and soul, when I'm eating a Paleo diet. I have to find some way to incorporate this into my daily life in a regular way with little to no deviations. I really think this will help maintain my focus.
Okay, so this is because I miss my strength. I found a 30-day plank challenge the other day that I'm thinking of adding to the list. In fact, I might get the boys in on this as well and make it a family challenge.
No matter what I decide to do, I think I'm mentally more ready than I have been in probably close to a year. My plan will likely include walking, yoga, and a round of Whole30 to get things started, but I'm not sure on anything else. I plan to take measurements and pictures on day one and then on day 30, but ignore the damn scale (that's the Whole30 way). I can deal with any disappointment I might feel on September 1. I honestly think if I have a plan ready for next month it won't be too awful if I don't lose as much as I think I should or feel like I have by August 30.
I'll be back later with an official plan.
Friday, July 19, 2013
As I've been working on getting through my book, I've been doing nothing in regards to eating/exercising. But at least I've done that intentionally. I've wanted to completely separate everything out. I wanted to really break myself down mentally without covering it all up with the food and exercise.
Look, I'm damn good at lying to myself. I've done it for years. I did it the last time I went through this journey. What I haven't done is called myself on my BS while still telling myself affirmations. I always thought affirmations were for hippy yoga chicks with 10% body fat and never a care or concern about weight because all they eat is berries, nuts and granola. Truth is, it's just not how I was raised. We didn't tell each other what we liked about each other, we were told what was wrong and what we needed to fix. Sure, we got a "good job" when we did something well, but we were always given criticism with the praise. And I can't say that I'm all that unhappy about that because it's made me the woman I am today - the woman who constantly strives to be better and do better and learn more. What's wrong with that again? Oh, yeah....the fact that I won't give myself credit for anything.
So I stopped worrying about changing my habits right now until I can feel the change happening. And I know that doesn't make any sense...but lying to myself lately to get myself to do things? It hasn't been working. Instead I've been reminding myself how it FEELS to live a healthy life, eat healthy, fresh, raw foods, and feel the blood pumping through my body. I've been reminding myself of all the positive things I got from this journey the last time around. And I've been needing that because all I've been able to focus on for the past year has been the negative. It was time to let that goat out the gate and let the happy little lambs roam around reminding me of the true beauty of the situation.
And then today I ate an apple for a snack and a salad for lunch. And it felt right. That's not to say I'm not about to devour a bag of chips and whatever else I can find (in fact, I'm pretty sure these 2 cookies staring me down will be gone before I get my first comment here), but I didn't have to force those things, which let me simply enjoy the beauty of the taste of them. It wasn't a punishment. I didn't force it and it felt more like a reward...more like what I want my life/day to feel like on a regular basis. It's a step in the right direction, however small that step might be. It's a reminder of what I am capable of and where I might be able to take myself. When I'm ready.
I know this all sounds ridiculous because I certainly SEEMED ready before. But I was only ready until it got too hard...and then I wasn't up for it. This time I'm trying to build a me that can handle the unexpected and still live an amazing, healthy, active life. Because, in all honesty, I realize now that as much as I want a tiny belly that I'll never have, I want to be active and fit and healthy and confident again so much more. I'm trying to find things that will make me feel that way NOW, at this weight, whatever this weight is (because I still haven't dared to look yet). I want to set goals that make sense and build a life that fulfills all of me. I guess this time I really am thinking more about the journey and not the destination. I'll only get to the destination when I'm dead, and I'm in no rush to get there, so I might as well sit back and formulate a life I can be proud of right here and now.
This may also sound a bit weird, but the passing of little Talia Castellano (@taliajoy18 on YouTube) has really struck a nerve with me as well. Days before her passing, her sister was talking to her fans about all the stuff Talia had put on her bucket list...all the things she still had left to do. The sentiment, as Talia seemed to be improving was, "You can't go yet, little one...you still have so much left to experience!" And then, like a light being shut off one last time, Talia was gone. Since her passing, I've seen an outpouring of fans show their support by trying to accomplish Talia's bucket list for her...and all I can think is -- my bucket list is for ME! I want to do all of those things! Otherwise it doesn't count. And just yesterday I was reminded that Talia's overall message was to love yourself as you are, not as you want to be. Her favorite phrase was, "Makeup is my wig." She prettied up what she was given and moved forward without excuses or complaint. I need some of that "forget the world and love yourself" mentality right now...
I'm not sure any of this is making sense right now. And one of two cookies is already gone (but I'm putting away the second for now! YIKES! Too rich!), but I wanted to freethink my way through today, because I feel like I'm getting to the place I need to be. I'm not looking to be healed or cured or better, I'm just looking to let myself enjoy the best of what life has to offer and to have a crapton of fun along the way. Things haven't been great. I've hated my body the past few days just as much as ever - moreso because of some back pain yesterday that had me laid up on the couch all day - but I'm trying to keep moving forward. I want to allow myself to love myself and be fun and flirty and sassy again, so that's my only goal right now.
Friday, July 12, 2013
So I'm currently reading Food: The Good Girl's Drug
What have I learned so far? Well, I've reinforced that I do, in fact, have an eating disorder. This darn book is written like the author knows me all too well. Of course, just as the book predicted last night, I'm waiting for the part that "heals" me so I can get skinny. Yep, that's disordered thinking, y'all. So far there have been no answers, just a lot of head nodding and, as of last night, a little sadness. I know I'm broken, but I want to be fixed...but I don't know that this book, or any book, is going to do that for me. Silly me, I always thought I'd just one day break the cycle. I've fought so hard in my life to break every cycle and statistic. I knew buying a house would be one big step in proving I had moved on from the expectations of a pregnant 18 year old whose life seemed completely out of control. But the more I read the more I think that I will never be "fixed" and will never NOT have an eating disorder. So maybe this book will help me learn how to live with my eating disorder...and maybe, just maybe, it will help me forgive myself and allow myself the freedom to love myself no matter how fat or skinny or out of control my life seems.
While I read this book, I'm a little afraid and a little put off dieting in the way that I know. I know it's a symptom of my eating disorder to be overly restrictive and overexercise. It's likely how I sustained my injury in the first place. So I'm trying to be patient with myself and work through this first. And when this book is done, I have another in my Amazon cart.
I guess the only good thing that is coming out of this is that I'm no longer content with simply losing weight. I want to heal. I want to love myself. I want to feel okay in my own body. I look at pictures from just a couple years ago when I was running and working out religiously and I think, "Man! I wish I was back there again!" and then I think, "But I was still SO fat!" I realize that I'll never be okay with myself, never be fully confident with myself at any weight until I learn to be confident and loving toward myself at EVERY weight. It's something I thought I had down last time I started this journey, but I guess I was just fooling myself. I was letting my eating disorder lead me and I'm just not ready to keep doing that for the rest of my life.
The truth is, I've learned this behavior from everyone around me. Part of it might be genetic. I honestly believe both my parents have suffered and may continue to suffer with binge eating disorder. I used to watch my mother sneak spoonfulls of frosting straight from the jar. I watched my father eat way more food than any normal person needed. My entire family celebrates and loathes food at the same time. We get together for Thanksgiving and either stuff ourselves full or restrict ourselves...and then we praise those who restrict themselves and sit and talk about how we're all fat and need to lose weight. As far back as my Grandmother, this has been our tradition...and I picked it up easily. My perfectionist nature made it even more dangerous a habit for me to learn. The constant dieting I was pushed into as a child probably didn't help. And I don't even have to guess how the fact that I have always been a constant disappointment to my real father plays a role in all of this.
So, I guess for now I'm understanding myself more and why I am the way I am. I understand a little better why I binge and restrict and overexercise. I understand the driving forces behind that...now it's time to learn how to cope and overcome those urges and become a HEALTHY person. Not skinny. Not "normal"...whatever that is. I need to learn to have a HEALTHY relationship with food.
I'll let you all know how that turns out! *lol* Maybe somewhere along the way I can help someone else feel like they aren't alone or a failure for not being able to lose weight like they "should".... But really I'm just hoping to help myself here. I need to show myself some love and attention for a bit and stop blaming myself for everything.
Tuesday, July 09, 2013
Isn't it funny how one morning we wake up all ready to take over the world and the next morning it's full on zombie mode?! I honestly would have loved to have taken a sick day today as my entire body feels a bit out of sorts this morning. Between this monster headache and the back and neck pain...it's going to be a rough day. But as much as I'd love to stay home in bed and rest up, my calendar today holds 2 meetings a home assessment with my coworker. I need to be here.
I've been "shopping" for health and fitness supplies online lately, which makes me feel right at home considering I can't really afford anything right now and "shopping" includes putting items in the online shopping cart and then closing the page and "walking away" as it were. I can't be the only one who does that?! Anyhow, for the first time in my entire life I actually have some room where I could put together a decent home gym. I already have one piece in the basement that my mother found at a yard sale, but I have no idea how to use it and I need my husband's help to put it back together again (had to be a bit dismantled in order to get it down the stairs).
It's been a bit difficult, though...knowing where to start. In my head I'm still the girl who was lifting and doing cardio 5-6 days a week and felt incredibly strong...but I know that's not where my body is right now, so I'm forced to take it slow...which I've never been good at. I keep thinking, "Maybe I solve the eating thing first, and then add the exercise." But I've learned from my time here on Spark that I'm more motivated to use food as fuel if I have something to fuel. Workouts lead to me striving for good health in all aspects of my life, so without it I'm going to be sunk. I guess I'll try again to get a walk in.
I was supposed to walk last night, but that didn't go quite as planned. My husband insisted upon stopping by the old place to clear out some things and get another carload of stuff to bring to the new house. What he didn't tell me until we got there is that the fleas in that house have gone massively insane...which is crazy considering they have no dogs or cats to bite anymore. Of course this means they are all the more ravenous when someone gets there that they CAN bite...which last night was me. I felt creepy crawly all damn night and even found a stray flea in my car this morning. Thankfully we got to where we can vacuum like mad and HOPEFULLY get rid of these darn things. It was a problem before we left and I kept telling everyone that the fleas had gone crazy, but this was beyond even what I remembered. Anyone have any magic flea killing ideas for us?
Working from home tomorrow since I have a 124-page document that I really need to study and the boys have appointments at the dentist. Just a little light reading for the waiting room, right? Thursday I have my fun monthly meeting with a bunch of other folks in similar fields. I actually look forward to those meetings every month because I learn so much and the people are great to talk to. Then Thursday, Friday and Saturday Ethan has football camp with Owen Schmitt! So excited for him! Maybe I can snap a pic for you guys.
Hope you're all having a great week! I still need to pick up my scale from the old house (actually forgot yesterday), but I really do not want to be over there until I have a plan of attack for the fleas. I do not want to bring them over to the new house with me, that's for sure! Here's hoping I get a nice quiet evening and maybe even get a walk in tonight. I'd love to take my camera along and take some pictures of town... we'll see. Now if I could just get rid of this headache... Otherwise I'm going straight home and straight to bed.
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