CALLIKIA   23,798
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October 16th

Thursday, October 11, 2012

I cannot seem to stop falling apart each day. The stress and anxiety has become too much for me and I can't even see straight anymore. All I can seem to focus on is next Monday, so I'm not getting much else done.

And I've decided that is okay.

October 15th could be a huge day for me. It could mean a change to my life, or it could drop me down the hole of dispair and depression - depending on the outcome. Have I ever told you all how much I hate depending upon other people for what I want? I hate loss of control...

And yet all I can do right now with my eating is lose control. At least, that's what it feels like. I'm not myself. I try hard to be, but I fall apart.

And that is OKAY.

Because I've already made a promise to myself that things will look very different starting October 16th. Whatever Monday holds for me, I can't control that. And I can't seem to keep my emotions in check until then either. But on October 16th, I am taking control back. I'm not sure what that's going to look like. Honestly I'm considering another attempt at Whole30 because I hate this fog hat I've been wearing lately and day 6 of Whole30 was the first time in MONTHS I didn't experience fog hat all day. It's far enough away from Thanksgiving where I wouldn't feel pressured and upset and worked up. I could get my 30 days in and then gradually let myself put things back in to see what's causing the severe fog hat, because I would love to never have to suffer through it again.

I haven't totally 100% decided what October 16th will look like, but I do know that it will be the start of me taking back control of my life, my choices, and my path toward my goals. I know it will include meal planning and probably giving up junk food and fast food for a little while. And I'm going to find some workout plan that doesn't upset the PF too much and allows me to burn some calories and attempt to get myself back to the firm(er) body I now seriously miss.

I glimpsed the other side of the 300s. I want to get back there. And I want to start making serious strides toward my eventual goal of reaching 230 (and then I'll reevaluate and see if I need to do more). I think I just got scared. Life got in the way. I got complacent. And then I got very, very anxious. The only thing I can be thankful for right now is that I haven't gone completely off the rails and ruined every bit of progress I had since April 2010.

Get ready...
It's coming...
The return of the Esther we all know and love...

Coming to a Spark Blog near you, October 16, 2012.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPUNKYDUCKY 10/14/2012 12:20AM

    Happy to hear that the Esther we all know and love is back. I am officially rebooted as of about 5 days ago. I have spent a ton of time this week journalling (in my book, not online) and firming up my focus, goals and methods.

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JUSTLIKEALICE 10/11/2012 10:03PM


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BECKYB73 10/11/2012 5:20PM

    Fantastic things happen on October 16th...I know this because that's the day I was born.

Get it, Girl!!

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ARUNNINGKAT 10/11/2012 2:46PM


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4EVERADONEGIRL 10/11/2012 12:47PM

    Sending lots and lots of good vibes your way that you will have some serious excitement to kick your restart into gear! Hang in there, girlie!

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ERIN1128 10/11/2012 12:07PM

    Woo hoo! You go, girl!

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BAYBELIEVER 10/11/2012 9:28AM

    Return of a NEW Esther, right? The new and improved version. Every day is a day to reshape ourselves anew. I hope that all your hopes and dreams are realized on October 15th. But on October 16th, you can make them all come true for the rest of your life, no matter what! Go Esther!

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DARKFAERY 10/11/2012 9:12AM

    We're behind you all the way!!! Hugs!

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Starting Over

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Look, things need to change. And they need to change right now. Thankfully, with all the crap I've been through this year, I haven't yet managed to gain a crapton of weight. That's a plus. In fact, I weighed in this morning at 309.6...which is about what I started this year out as, so we've had a year of yo-yo, but at least I'm keeping things in check for the most part. The only thing is, I'm tired and I want to get off this ride.

So I'm starting over.
Back to the beginning.
Step 1 only, before on to step two.

I already know this week is going to be crazy. I need to prep for probably the biggest interview of my life so the stress is going to be through the roof. My foot still hurts a lot too no matter how long I wear this insert for, so I don't even know how much the custom inserts are going to work or when they'll come. I can't count on anything except this - I will look, listen, and pay at least a little attention so that when the dust settles I'm ready to start again.

I'm going into this with the same mentality as I had in 2010. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if it's going to work. I just know I'm going to try. And I can't jump right into 5 day a week 1-hour workouts at the gym killing myself and eating 1200 calories hoping to make it through the day without killing someone. Right now, I can't think about restrictions. I need to only think about one thing this week and, I hate to say it, my health and well-being in the long run is not it.

Starting over.
Step One - Log everything.
That's all I'm requiring myself to do right now. Log everything I eat. I don't care how many calories it is or what kind of food. I can't think about that right now. Just log it so I have a new foundation to start from and get back in the habit of being accountable and logging everything.

Starting Weight: 309.6
Goal for the week: LOG EVERYTHING
No current weight goals.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTLIKEALICE 10/11/2012 9:59PM

    Perfect goals! That is my go-to start out goal. Log no matter what. I realize after a week or so of logging that I start eating better cause I'm logging. I hope it works that way for you too :) You can do this!

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SUGIRL06 10/10/2012 6:18PM

    Girl, you are in my head again! I feel like I am in this same place today: starting from the beginning. I posted some weight loss charts today and while some people were very supportive with the "look how far you've come!", it didn't make me happy. What I see is where I'm at NOW. Screw the past success because I can't ride that wave forever. The only thing it is good for right now is to show me that I know how to freaking do this and successfully. BUT I cannot sit back and say "oh I've come so far therefore I can be content where I am". Basically, I'm saying that I am starting over just like day 1 on Spark People. For me: drink 8 glasses a day, track that food, work out when I can. No going crazy right now. Back to the basics!

And yeah its nice to think about the overall health but seriously what I would do to get into my goal jeans!

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4EVERADONEGIRL 10/10/2012 1:47PM

    Sounds like just the ticket! You can do it!!!

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LOOKY-LOU 10/10/2012 10:01AM

    Just read this blog and your home page. I am so proud of you for not just throwing in the towel. Your persistance is something to be proud of!

Take care of you, your health is so important!

Good luck!

Tina emoticon

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BEAUTIFUL_MEGAN 10/9/2012 6:47AM

    You are amazing. I wish you could see it as clearly as I do. So until you can, I'll keep stopping by and reminding you.


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ABEAUTIFULMESS1 10/8/2012 9:46AM

    Sometimes we just need a clean slate and a new starting point! You can do this!!!

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GUITARWOMAN 10/7/2012 5:03PM

    Good, good, good!

I think this is the right strategy.

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ERIN1128 10/7/2012 2:02PM

    You're awesome. You can do this!

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BAYBELIEVER 10/7/2012 9:31AM

    Go for it. That was my goal last week and I fell a little short. But just a little. So that is something. One step at a time. But your interview. Get that one done! Crush it. What day? I will be thinking of you!

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October Goals (AKA Well, That Didn't Work...)

Monday, October 01, 2012


Weight September 1st: 296.4
Weight October 1st: 308.0

Awesome. *sigh* FML

So much for breaking a plateau.

And so much for Whole30 because it friggin' fell apart on me this Friday.

Look, my life is a mess right now. A full on, full out mess. Every piece is hanging on by a thread and I spend most of my time crying or wishing I could bury myself in the ground. No lie. That means this whole dieting and exercise thing is just one more thing I'm failing at right now and it hasn't been going well in my mind. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I've lost ZERO pounds in 2012. ZERO. So for all those looking for motivation from me. I have none. There's the door. I suck. Period.

I think the whole thing really fell apart when I realized that working out was killing me. I have another appointment with the podiatrist tomorrow and I'm getting casted for custom inserts. Yay! *sarcasm* I friggin' hate being a freak. And I do not have the money for any of this, btw. So yay for going deeper into debt just so I can walk again...because I hurt myself FROM LOSING WEIGHT. I'm seriously about THIS far from the end of my rope and if ONE person says, "Look how far you've come!" I think I'll jump. How far have I come? I have LESS mobility NOW than I did over 120-170 pounds ago. I have MORE pain NOW than I did then. And I've been told by several doctors that LOSING weight is actually to blame for all of this. It's the dirty secret that no one likes to tell you. Some people can lose the weight and their lives are improved 100-fold for it. The majority of people, actually. And then there are us freaks in the world who should've just stayed fat because now we're STILL fat but MORE miserable and in CONSTANT pain and a mental wreck because not only are we HUNGRY but we're HURTING too. All because we tried to do something good and lose weight. So don't tell me to look at how far I've come. I wish I was back in 2010 when I had lost a little weight and felt great. Yep. Great heart...which means I get to be in pain THAT much longer. Thanks for reminding me.

Anyhow, it's October. And we set goals at the first of the month, right? That's what we're supposed to do. Well, since I can't workout for anything because just driving my car sends shooting pains up my right leg - I have to focus on food. Again. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of watching everyone around me enjoy fall and pumpkin flavored everything and I'm eating like a friggin' bird over here and not losing a pound. But, whatever, right. I'm the freak of the family. Gotta deal with the cards we're dealt. (Oh my I'm going to have to wear those shoes. *bangs head on desk repeatedly*)

So, here's the plan. For whatever it's worth because it probably won't work either...

"Eat Mostly Paleo, Minus Four"

By "mostly Paleo" I plan on following the guidelines for eating Paleo the majority of the time. And I'll try to be as strict as Whole30 most of the time I'm doing it. What does that mean?

* No Alcohol

Honestly, this one's pretty easy for me as I'm not really a drinker. A glass of wine with friends now and again, but when do I have time for outings with friends anyhow? *lol*

* No Sugars

I honestly think this is one of the biggest ones for my family. We've noticed a lot of foods that have sugar that we would not have expected. The only rule breakers I will allow for this one are - our deli meat, which is the healthiest one we can find and has natural sugars and not that much, and bacon, because I dare you to even attempt to find bacon that is free of sugar and dextrose both. We have yet to find it. So I will allow the occassional few slices of nitrate-free bacon. The rest of our sugar will come from fruit. Oh, and my coffee creamer.

* No Grains

This one is the one I thought would be the hardest for me to get used to...but it really wasn't all that hard. I'm going to see if keeping these away from me will help with the bloat issues.

* No Legumes (including soy and peanuts)

I honestly don't know if I agree with this one, so it might fly out the window. I guess I need to reread this chapter but I don't remember them having a solid argument for legumes. Soy, yes. I don't really need an estrogen supplement right now, thank you. But as for things like great northern beans or chickpeas? Hrm...not sure on those. We'll see though.

* No Dairy

Okay, this one is sticking in my house with on major exception - coffee creamer. I'm sorry...I can go without coffee creamer if I have some half & half and I can even go without coffee if I have some tea with either sweetener or half & half and sweetener...but to strip it all away? It just hasn't led to very good mornings for me and I don't start the day on a very good foot. I will be measuring my creamer, though. I found a great little shot glass type Tbsp measuring cup at WalMart which I will be picking up so that I can measure out my creamer and make sure I don't go crazy with it.

* No Potatoes

Okay, this one also doesn't have a firm, solid basis for it...but we do rely too heavily on potatoes in our house. So I'm saying potatoes only once a week for a vegetable. The rest of the time we have to branch out and eat things like squash and spinach and peppers and carrots and broccoli and cauliflower.

Other rules I like:

* No snacking

I honestly don't know how much of a 'rule' this is. I see people on Whole30 snacking throughout the day on fruit and nuts, but I remember reading "Do not snack unless you must" or something to that nature. Which to me is a pretty good rule. I'm getting back to my 3 solid meals a day. It saves me from grazing. If I'm feeling extremely hungry, I'll go ahead and eat a snack, but it does not have to be an all day every day kind of thing. Snacking for me can turn into an all-day binge without me even realizing it.

* Stop eating a couple hours before bed

Sometimes I can't follow this rule because time gets away from us and our day is so jam-packed...but for the most part I need to try to stop eating at least 2 hours before bedtime. This will help with the late night cravings.

* Don't miss a meal

If at all possible, try to stick to a schedule for meals 1, 2 and 3. This will help with the no snacking rule. And missing a meal is like inviting my binge monster over for tea. It doesn't end well.

Minus Four

I'm giving myself four meals. Note, not four DAYS, but four meals where I can break one or two rules. Not ALL of the rules. I need to be conscious of what I'm doing. Four times this month I will allow myself to eat a meal that doesn't exactly follow the rules.

Why I think this is important:

Life happens, and I'm a busy girl. Sometimes, just sometimes, I'm so exhausted from my life that I would like for someone else to cook for me. Or, sometimes, just sometimes, I would like to spend an evening out with my husband without feeling guilty about it. If you can't enjoy these moments in life, then what the hell IS the point of living? Four will be hard enough for me with the demons I'm already fighting. It means if I go to Subway and grab a sub with Hubs tonight at the game, that one of my four meals is already gone. That quick, that easy. It may not be perfect, but it's the only way I can see to account for what has to be a well-rounded and balanced life.

Plus, this will allow me to enjoy my time with Angela when she journeys through this way on her way to greatness (yet again! ;) ) without having to pick apart every single detail. I can have a meal and coffee with her without worrying about how it's going to ruin my entire plan.


All I really want to do is delete this page and forget this whole thing ever happened...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TARANITUP 10/3/2012 10:57AM

    Glad to see even when you are down you are still not OUT!!!

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 10/3/2012 10:54AM

    emoticon I have my fingers crossed that the new custom inserts work wonders for your feet and other joints. I'm here for you, and sending you some good vibes!

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JEREMY723 10/1/2012 3:47PM

    You've GAINED zero pounds in 2012, correct?

I've gained about I'd take zero any day of the week:)

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4EVERADONEGIRL 10/1/2012 2:08PM

    emoticon Girlie!!!!! I can't even imagine how frustrated you are...just know I send you good vibes, my friend!

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GUITARWOMAN 10/1/2012 1:11PM

    A hard patch for you right now!

Couple of question....

Why does your diet restrict so many foods?

What did a doctor say to you about hurting more when you weigh less?


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ERIN1128 10/1/2012 12:33PM

    I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, but I think it speaks volumes to your strength and determination that you're still here on Spark and still working to plan things so you can keep trying. I'm proud of you for not taking the easy way out and just giving up and walking away. Big hugs!!!

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ARUNNINGKAT 10/1/2012 12:27PM


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BAYBELIEVER 10/1/2012 12:22PM

    Yep. Still right here with you. But I wanted you to know I was here. I sat this morning eating my breakfast of 2 egg whites, spinach, roasted tomatoes, whole grain bread and watching everyone else getting pumpkin lattes and big muffins and big rolls and bagels (and one person had both a bagel and and a big sweet roll) and I just wish that it counted what I was eating. But it does somedays and it doesn't others. And this morning I went for a walk. Trying so hard to start exercising regularly again. And what happens? 1/2 mile in my calf seizes up and still hasn't let go. Really? Why does my/you body have to fight me/you every step of the way? Shouldn't it be happy it is getting healthier? So, right here with you. Freak #2.

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IRONBLOSSOM 10/1/2012 12:13PM

    No cheer here, just support. It sucks to be injured. I hope you can get back to doing what you enjoy soon and in the meantime this seems like a super strict eating plan but if it works for you it's perfect!

emoticon emoticon

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MAGPIE17 10/1/2012 11:13AM

    Hugs, Es. I'm here, hon!

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SSMITH-BA 10/1/2012 11:06AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FROGGERHKC 10/1/2012 10:34AM

I think you are amazing. You keep going even when you want to give up. You have a great plan for October, and I hope that you start feeling better soon!

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CALLIKIA 10/1/2012 10:25AM

    SDJ - It's not so much a physical hunger most days but the mental one. Does that make sense? What I mean by that is that it takes so much mental power to tell myself I DON'T want/need certain foods so I have this hunger mentality. Sense?

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PAMNANGEL 10/1/2012 10:23AM


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CHANGINGELAINE 10/1/2012 10:22AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
I wish life was easier for you!!

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RUNNER12COM 10/1/2012 10:13AM

    Wow, that's a whole lot of effort and planning. It would be way too much for me to keep up with, but it sounds like you have this down to a science.

One thing jumped out at me, though. If this was me, I'd be concerned that I felt hungry all the time. With the right amount of food each day, I may still want to splurge on snacks but I'm never actually hungry.

Like I said, I'm not you, and I don't read that you are asking for someone else's opinion. I just hope you are eating enough that you aren't hungry all day.

Good luck!

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LOSE4LIFE47 10/1/2012 10:02AM


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10% of the Whole30

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

You can read my more regular blogs over on my personal blog page.

Honestly, sometimes I have a problem being on Spark or any diet and fitness website. I just can't think about weight goals and fitness minutes right now because the thought of my failures in that department make me want to crawl in a hole and hide forever.

I cannot workout right now. I'm working to get my foot fixed, but my podiatrist said I need to take a few days completely off while he tries to heal the problem...which just adds to the ones I was already taken while it hurt. So I haven't worked out since my supervised workout with Jason last Thursday.

As for weight? I weighed 316 pounds when I started The Whole30 on September 23rd. Yep. I did that. Awesome, right?! Gained 20 pounds in less than a month. I got mad skillz. And because Whole30 says not to weigh yourself until you're done...I honestly have no clue how much I weigh right now. I did check on day 2 because I woke up and suddenly my pants were loose again, which I thought was just my mind playing tricks on me because how can anything happen in one day? But when I weighed the night of the 2nd day I was already down 2 pounds...probably bloating that was going away.

As for my experience thus far? It hasn't been that difficult really. I'm having some trouble with the kids' lunches and making sure our food doesn't get boring (especially veggies). I need to make the salad dressing they have in the book and the ranch dip as well. Also thinking to make the mayo up so I can make a big batch of deviled eggs, which I know the boys will gobble up. I just haven't had the time to tackle those things yet.

Speaking of my boys, I'm so very proud of both of them for trying to stick to it! Ethan has gotten so devoted that he will skip lunch (which is bad, and we're making sure his lunch is packed the night before now so he doesn't forget) instead of eating what they give him which is full of no-nos. Logan even admitted to eating the meat they served the other day without the bun and then eating the fruit and that was it because everything else he knew to be off limits. I honestly expected him to cheat every single day of this challenge, but he even packed his own lunch last night of some leftover frittata, a Pure Wrap roll-up with almond butter and banana and a fruit leather. I threw in a hard-boiled (read: baked) egg for him as well, but there wasn't time for me to correct the no vegetable issue before he ran out the door this morning. I'm going to talk to him about it tonight and we're going to find some veggies he likes to eat raw.

Ethan's lunch was a little better. He's getting more used to this now because he's been packing his lunch because of the no dairy restriction for a couple months now. Today he had some leftover coconut crusted chicken, cauliflower, a fruit strip, an apple with a side of almond butter and 2 hard boiled (read: baked) eggs.

As for me? I have a salad with coconut crust pieces, some ground beef, mushrooms, and a hard boiled (read: baked) egg. Which I'm going to have to force down because I haven't had time to make the dressing yet and I honestly 100% doubt there will be any I can pick up or buy at the CVS or in the fridge (some people leave those packets they get from Wendy's and stuff) that don't contain no-no ingredients - especially sugar. I'll take a look. Maybe someone snuck in a vinagrette that's safe...but I doubt it.

Leaving work at noon today because Ethan has an appointment with a GI Specialist. I'm hoping he thinks our new diet restrictions (at least the no dairy one) constitute steps in the right direction. I'm also hoping he doesn't find any blockage whatsoever. I don't know...I think it's been a while that there shouldn't be anything left causing any problems. We shall see.

Tomorrow? Big huge interview which I am not mentally or emotionally ready for. Honestly, I haven't felt this strongly about wanting a job since I flew to NY that one time a couple years ago. Let's hope this one goes better. It's basically all the best parts of my current job, with some new stuff thrown in that I'll get to learn about housing and mortgage lending, and some public speaking as well. I do have a contact there...I just hope she remembers me. And if there was ever a chance that my main reference would get me in...this is it. So fingers and toes crossed. (BTW - It also means more a considerably higher salary and one that would have us not struggling as much...we might actually be able to consider looking at houses some day in the next year or so if this happens. The pressure of all my hopes and dreams riding on this makes me want to vomit.)

So, yeah. 10% done with this. Pushing my way through fog-head on Day 4 now and hoping I feel much better tomorrow. Lots of prep to do tonight with putting together a professional outfit of clothes that actually fit (having issues with that right now...nothing fits quite right any more whether it's too big or too small...). Anyhow. *fingers crossed* *eyes open* *heart hopeful*

Take care y'all! I'll try to brave the waters and update you all again soon!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTH-E-CLARE 9/26/2012 3:14PM

    Hope the doctors visit went well, and you can bet that I have all my figners and toes crossed for your interview. With how hard of a worker you seem to be, they would be idiots not to hirer you on the spot.

Congrats on making it through 10% of the Whole 30, I know you can stick with the program and glad your boys are supporting/joining you in the adventure.

Sending healing vibes to you so you can get back to your exercising!

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SUGIRL06 9/26/2012 2:56PM

    You are going to do great tomorrow!!!

And congrats on 10%! I am glad the kids are taking the changes to heart. You must be so proud!

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MAGPIE17 9/26/2012 2:37PM

    Fingers are crossed!

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IRONBLOSSOM 9/26/2012 1:16PM

    Congrats on the Whole 30! That's awesome! I need to do something like that too :-) Also, great job on getting your kids on board!

I know it can be frustrating when you're injured, just remember you can only do as much as you can do. Your progress may be slower (or maybe not, I don't know!) but getting through this is mental and emotional exercise!

Have a great week!

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ERIN1128 9/26/2012 12:29PM

    I was wondering where you've been, thanks for checking in. I'm sure the interview will go great - how could anyone not remember you??? You're too special, interesting, funny, and smart, to forget. Hang in there, I know you will get through this!

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4EVERADONEGIRL 9/26/2012 11:52AM

    Sounds like you are working the Whole30 thing pretty darn well, girlie!!!

And wow - interview TOMORROW!!! I am sending you lots and lots of good vibes! Good luck!!!!

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ARUNNINGKAT 9/26/2012 11:38AM

    Congratulations on your food successes, especially with your boys. Healthy lunches for kids can be a challenge, but it sounds like you have tackled it with huge success! Good luck on the job interview! emoticon

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BAYBELIEVER 9/26/2012 10:09AM

    Sounds like you are settling right in! Good luck with the interview thing! I am interviewing (by phone) every day this week. Looking for jobs and all the work of it is exhausting!

You and your boys are doing a fantastic job!

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ZACHIESMUM 9/26/2012 9:36AM

  You can do it. i just recently had knee surgery so the whole exercise thing is really hard right now. I'm trying not to make excuses, but thats what I've done for the past 7 years. I wish you the best of luck. Remember you are a woman and a mother and that combination makes you so strong, there is nothing that you can't do! emoticon

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All I Got

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Got really nothing for you. No motivation. No push it spirit. Tired. Sick. Exhausted. Needing to heal. Wanting to take a month or two off to just rest. Wishing the PF would go away.

Here you go...a picture of me now...before I get all fat again because I can't work out anymore.
(I'm totally kidding. I want to take some time off NOT to gain weight, but to rest and heal while maintaining what I have currently so when I come back I don't have to go back to move forward.)

In the beginning...

...and now... where close to where I want to be, but better than before for sure.

If you don't see me for a while, please understand I need that to heal my mind and soul and body.

If I'm back in 2 days with a new plan, just know that I found another wind (about the 323rd by then) and I don't know how long it will last.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLISE 9/20/2012 3:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DARKFAERY 9/20/2012 11:09AM


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SEEHOLZ 9/19/2012 10:35PM

    You have come sooo far- you totally deserve a time out! This is a long-term journey for all of us :-) and we'll be here to support you!!!!

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 9/19/2012 9:53PM

    Sorry the PF is acting up again, but man, the changes you've made in those pictures is amazing. I hope you get the rest you need and deserve.

Less than three you girlie!

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ATROTTIER 9/19/2012 7:00PM

    LOVE the new pic hot lady!!!

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SUGIRL06 9/19/2012 5:50PM

    PS You look freaking awesome ;)

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MIZINA730 9/18/2012 10:02PM

    Good thoughts. You're on the right track. You'll not gain weight. You might still lose because of your tracking. I've been through back injury, a crazy week, currently illness, and everything is okay. You do need to rest and recover. That will only benefit you.

Oh my goodness, the pictures tell all. Amazing transformation. Just don't worry that you can't work out now. Everything will be fine. This period of time just might kick you out of a plateau. (Read my blog). Besides, if anybody can do anything, it's you.

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WALLAHALLA 9/18/2012 9:59PM

    You have already accomplished so much. Rest is important too. I hope you get revived soon. You will be missed. Hurry back!

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GETFIT2LIVE 9/18/2012 4:48PM

    You really have made tremendous progress; it may not be where you want to be ultimately, but never forget what you have already accomplished and hang onto it. Do what you need to for yourself to heal in every way.


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35ANGELS 9/18/2012 4:15PM


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BAYBELIEVER 9/18/2012 2:43PM

    Sending you big hugs! We all need time to rest and find some peace and serenity. Remember, this is a process and you are so much more able to do things now that we need to adjust to that and how it affects our time, our family lives, our work lives, everything. No, don't go back to where you were, but it's okay to stop and re-group for a little bit. I mean, you have hit an awful lot of goals by now! So it is time just to find some new ones! Rest. Relax. But not too much!

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MANLEYSANDY 9/18/2012 1:47PM

    I think it is really hard not to have that all or nothing attitude and I admire your spirit and resolve, you always fight. So it is imperative to deal with the mental part, or what I thought was a brilliant quote from a fellow spark person (Yoovie) "the brain weight"!!

Always remember how far you have come....

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GUITARWOMAN 9/18/2012 1:27PM

    Big difference......

Good for you!

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-POOKIE- 9/18/2012 1:15PM

    Have you re-searched getting steroid injections for the PF?

I had them and OMG virtually instant relief... hobbled to the car to come home, then within a few hours I was so pain free I cried with happiness instead of the daily pain from my heels.

The injection is nasty, but so very worth it.

I needed one heel re-done about 6 months later, then from then on, I have had very little pain at all.

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ERIN1128 9/18/2012 12:17PM

    You really should keep looking at those pictures, because I just see SUCH a difference! You have achieved amazing amounts of weight loss. Don't beat yourself up, you're doing great!

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GOLOPTIOUS 9/18/2012 12:00PM

    I've been to that place where there's no motivation or goals and where I was so tired of weight loss that I wanted to cry.

Just remember that this is a lifestyle change and that you're doing this for YOU! Don't do what I did and slip back into old habits because it seems to be twice as hard to get my good habits back.

If you need a few weeks or months, take it. But keep your little changes and don't let life get you down!

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4EVERADONEGIRL 9/18/2012 11:54AM

    You have definitely made progress in so many ways!!! Take the time you need to heal yourself...Just know we are here for you!!!

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IRONBLOSSOM 9/18/2012 11:52AM

    You're amazing and you've done so great! Maybe take a little time off working out, focus on food intake (I bet you could make some fantastic recipes with working out time AND have a nap!)

I bet there's something you need. More sleep, more protein, less protein, etc... Take some time for yourself, for your soul, but come back quick re-energized! :-)

You're an inspiration to many others so focus on being an inspiration for yourself! YOU CAN DO IT!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHACKER2 9/18/2012 11:50AM

    You have made great progress. Just keep it up. We all strugle. emoticon

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ARUNNINGKAT 9/18/2012 11:47AM

    Girl, you have come so far and look so good! You have accomplished so much already and I am looking forward to seeing how much more you will accomplish. And I do understand the need for rest times, time to refuel even if it is just emotionally. This is an intense battle that we are fighting and sometimes rest is needed. I will look forward to your future posts and blogs....whether that be later today or a few weeks from now. emoticon

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OBURRELL 9/18/2012 11:45AM

    It's ok. Some of us get to that point where we take a break. Just don't gain weight-maintain and you never know-not stressing about it just might help! Good luck and I hope to see you on here soon. You have come so far and are just simply awesome!

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JENGOJENGO 9/18/2012 11:44AM

  Hey- don't give up or go away-- you look great! You are an inspiration to me in how far you have come.

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