Tuesday, August 14, 2012
I'm dead for blog titles again today. Just checking in real quick as I've got a fair bit of work to get done today and some of it will take me out of the office.
I have another scheduled supervised workout with NTB tonight. *sigh* It's not that I don't like him...I just feel like...I don't know. I think the worst part is the weigh-in and measurements. I have no idea what they're going to say but I have no hope that it's going to be all that positive. Who knows, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised, but I honestly doubt it. It's like a knife in the gut every time. Since I've been there I have seen nothing but nothing on the scale and I don't think anyone there "gets" it. We don't know why I'm not losing weight and, honestly, I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to try to figure it out. I want to go on living my life, working out 5 days a week and eating right and not worrying about the negative results I'm seeing. Because seeing nothing after doing so much and being sore and tired from workouts and feeling stressed because I REALLY FRIGGIN' WANT SOME CHOCOLATE is annoying and disheartening so I don't even want to deal with it. It has been nice these past few weeks not really knowing from one day to the next and not really letting it stop me from doing what I know I should and what I want to do. I'm getting better at swimming, stronger on the free weights, and even though my PF is bothering me and my back and hip hurt, I've been managing. All while cooking up some amazing meals for me and my family.
So, no, I don't really want to go tonight, but I will. Because I like my gym discount - and that's the reason I started this thing in the first place. I know how to work a gym by now. I haven't lost my motivation to go. I haven't started eating crap and need another reminder of what I'm working toward. But I want that membership discount until the day they tell me, "Okay, your time is over." So I'll keep following the rules as best I can even if it looks like I'm not doing anything according to their measurements. I only have a few months left before my membership price doubles...better take advantage of it while I still can!
Speaking of the healthy meals I've been making...you can read my blog about all the batch cooking I did Sunday at my other blog:
Who knows, it could help some of you that are still holding on to the "I don't have time or money to eat healthy" excuse...
No NROLFW today since I'll be at the gym with Jason tonight. Was nice to sleep in a bit. ;)
Have a happy Tuesday...gotta get back to work!!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Just so you know...that bacon meatloaf is a winner in my house! (You can find the recipe at paleOMG.com under Bacon Meatloaf.) I didn't care for the BBQ sauce (too spicy...I'm a wimp) but I stuck some all natural ketchup on there and ate it with a nice big helping of mashed cauliflower and OMG! SO yummy! (Today I have leftovers! YAY!)
Anyhow...distracted by bacon...moving on...
Today was the first day I can officially say that I swam 1 mile in the pool. Sorta... Let's just say according to initial measurements and the 0 to 1650 program, I swam 1660 yards in my pool today, which is about a mile according to the program. However, my gym says it takes 88 touches (44 laps) to swim a mile (they also say it's like a 25 meter pool or something...and none of that even makes sense together) and I only did 83 this morning. Semantics! (not really) Still, I was impressed that I was able to get all 83 touches in (plus one cool down) without, well, dying...though I seriously need to ice my back now. Wednesday I will do the same -
60 touches (1200 yards)
3x5 touches (3x100 yards)
2x3 touches (2x60 yards)
1x2 touches (40 yards)
= 1660 yards (or 83 touches)
And then on Friday it will be my first attempt to swim all 83 (88 if I'm feeling brave) without stopping. We shall see! (I just hope I don't lose count...if I don't keep repeating the number I start to lose it as it gets higher - around 42 today I thought..."I just said 42, right?" and almost panicked! *lol*)
I also wanted to note that things are going well in my household right now. I sacrificed the majority of my weekend for a nice long batch cooking session and now have stored 2 weeks worth of meals for my family that all follow the Paleo (and, more importantly, Ethan's no-dairy dietary restrictions) rules.
Speaking of, Ethan's appointment went great. Doc seemed to agree with me on the encopresis and my suggestion that it was a lactose issue --- it helped that Ethan went dairy-free all day Friday and had the best day he's had in months! She's sending him to get allergy tests done (which she says are MUCH better now that they've advanced beyond poking you with a bunch of needles) so that we can see what, if any, allergies to food he might have. She said they should also test for gluten allergies and lactose will certainly be included. They'll also test for other common allergies like strawberries and nuts. Until then, she instructed us to keep going like we are - him avoiding dairy as much as possible - and putting him on a regular bathroom schedule. I'm proud to report that last night was day THREE of no problems and he actually THANKED me yesterday! *love*
Anyhow, it's been a crazy weekend, and looks to be a better week this week now that I'm a bit more prepared. The boys start school on Thursday, but it means earlier bedtimes for all of us now. *grin* Didn't make getting up this morning that much easier, but I still made it to the pool, so that's what counts, right?! ;) Also? Today is my first day without coffee. I've switched out my morning joe for some chai tea with some almond milk and a bit of natural sweetner in it. We'll see how it goes. I did miss the creaminess of my creamer a bit this morning, but the tea helps me feel like I'm not completely restricted. It's just for 15 days...then I can go back to my creamer if I want.
You can read more about my weekend at my blog:
Hope you all had a great weekend! I can't wait until the next one! *lol*
Friday, August 10, 2012
I missed my swim this morning, which actually made me quite angry. I never realized how much I love my swims until this morning, but I overslept due to some issues we had to deal with last night (a sort of "family meeting" if you will) and there are always ways of adapting. (Don't I know better than anyone?) I think what I'll do is swap today and tomorrow's workouts. Walk tonight during football practice and swim tomorrow morning. It will mean a meaningless drive to the city on a day I should be off, but maybe I can work that in my favor and get some shopping in at the local market to find some fresh fruits and vegetables for the week.
Last night's family meeting resulted in a challenge to go completely Paleo for the next 15 days for the sake of everyone in my family. Hubs has informed me that he is eliminating refined sugars from his diet. My youngest needs to eliminate dairy products. My oldest already doesn't drink cow's milk because it causes issues. And me? Well, I'm just now starting to notice issues arising when I divert from the Paleo diet now and again. For the past few days when I let some things slip, my stomach issues have returned.
Most people do "The Whole 30" and do 30 days straight...and I'd love to adopt that plan, but I know myself and my family better than anyone else. We have a hard time with long-term goals. Short term is often better for us. 15 days. 1/2 the time suggested. No milk. No cheese. No dairy of any form. No refined sugars. Meats, vegetables, and fruits with plenty of spices. I'm also going to buy some tea and switch out my coffee each morning for tea with a splash of almond milk and a natural sweetner of some sort.
And, remember, I have to do all this on a strict budget as Hubs and I have started a plan to begin building our savings account, pay off some old debts, and get ourselves to a more comfortable spot so we might be able to consider actually buying one of those houses in town that we've been eyeing.
You can read more in-depth about our reasons for this challenge and things that changed my mind (or rather solidified my ideas) in my other blog:
Thursday, August 09, 2012
First things first...I know my weight isn't doing much of anything, but my legs sure are feeling a bit smaller/tighter/firmer. Not sure if this is an illusion or water build-up in the muscles or what, but I'll take it. I think my rear is shrinking a bit as well...at least it seems that way to me.
We're now a full week into August. Can you believe it?! It's going SO fast! Before long it'll be September and I'll officially have a teenager under my roof (shouldn't be a huge shock - he's already acting like one..."forgets" to shower and do his chores and spends 90% of his time in his room on the computer... *rolls eyes* I should have never let that thing go into his room! (No worries, we have parental control locks on there...Hubs is a computer guy and I'm not too shabby with them myself.))
Anyhow...how am I doing thus far on my August goals?
I won't know on this one until the end of the month, though I'll probably do a half-way check next Wednesday or Thursday. I'll also check my body fat measurements. All I hope to do is lose about 5 pounds this month, but I really have little hope that will happen unless I can get my eating under control.
Minutes - 303/888
I think I'm on a good track to hit my goal if I keep at it.
As far as my workouts have gone - I've done 7 out of 9. I'd like to end the month with at least 26 days having worked out, but, again, I'm trying not to stress myself over it.
is going well. I was considering adding in another week before I go from 1600 to 1650 (or 1660 in my case...20 yard pool and I'm not stopping 1/2 way through), but yesterday's swim was much better than Mondays and I think that my new goggles are partly to blame for my troubles Monday. I took breaks with them off and that helped a LOT yesterday. They sit a little tight, but I expect them to stretch out a bit like the others did. I'm not going back to the others though - these are wonderful! They make the pool a bit brighter instead of darker and they never fog! It's a wonder, I tell you!
NROLFW is going alright. I missed a workout this week (Tuesday) because I was home sick, so I'm a day off and I'm not sure how to make that up (or if I should even try). I'll figure it out, I'm sure. If all plans fail, I'll just keep moving on with the workouts whatever day they fall on. Today I upped my weight on Workout A and am currently back to squatting 100 pounds for 15 reps. The only thing I have real trouble on is the step-ups (though the pushups aren't much better) as my right hip is weak and the PF in my right foot seems to be flaring up again. I got through them all today, but I won't be upping the weight on these again until my form improves and I feel more stable. Whenever my trainer pulls out the step I get a little antsy...it's my true weakness.
I almost skipped my Yoga on Sunday but, boy, am I glad I didn't! It was only a 20 minute session (not 30 as I'd thought), but it's a Giam AM Yoga DVD with 5 different programs on it - things like Standing Poses, Twists, and the one I (thank goodness!) did on Sunday - Hip Opener. As my hips are what give me the most trouble, and they were super sore this past week, this was the perfect way to end one week and start another. I felt much better after and hardly felt the soreness I had been feeling in my right hip/pelvis. I may repeat that one again this week.
The only thing I haven't done yet is my Saturday walks. In fact, yesterday my youngest and I were going to go for a walk, but we were so diverted by our hunger that we simply forgot. I'm working on it. It's a habit I want us to start. I'm considering taking one of the dogs with me to football practice tonight and walking him while Ethan is playing. We shall see how tired I am come day's end. (I'd love to bring both of them but...well, Joey is almost as big as a minature horse, but he's the easiest to control. Champ weighs a whopping 25 pounds, but while he may be small he's sturdy as all get out...and he likes to bark. He's still a puppy and easily bored, so I don't know if I could keep him under control (and keep him from barking). We'll have to see...)
I'm not going to lie...this is where August has fallen apart. It's not that I'm binging all the time or eating unhealthy crap all day. I make good choices a lot of the time, but adjusting to my new work schedule and 4 day a week football practices after work...well, it's been a huge change to our system. We took to bagging up some crockpot meals this past weekend, but none of them have been exactly stellar, so I'm going to have to work out some more interesting dishes if I can...
The other wrench in the plan is that we're trying to put our finances back in order so I can't just blow a bunch of cash in the produce section of the grocery store. I know you will all say that it's a lie that it costs more to eat healthy, but it's not a lie when you know how to coupon like a mad woman. They don't give out many coupons for fresh produce - sorry! So while I can get a couponed meal from the middle aisles for about a buck to feed the whole family...the fresh ingredients I need for many of my meals are considerably more. This weekend will be the real test as I'll start today trying to put together a meal plan and a budget-friendly shopping list. This would be so much easier if I lived alone, but when you have 2 growing boys, and one adult boy who is no longer growing but can eat 3 servings of anything I give him (and never gain an ounce, mind you)...well, it's been a tough thing to sort out.
My weekend projects have been going pretty well. The hallway is nearly done - I just have to decide if I want to paint/decorate or if I'm just going to call "clean as a whistle" overhaul enough. I also got started on part of the kitchen and part of the living room this past weekend. The kitchen is already decorated, but I've been eyeing a paint color for the living room/hallway for the past 3 years or so...it's just such a large undertaking seeing as my wood panel walls require a bit of primer first...a good bit if the color is light...which this is. Plus, I need a new couch/seating and I don't have the funds to buy a new living room set right now. Which means I either need to make the stuff myself, or settle (again) with what we have. I haven't decided what to do yet...though I did talk to Hubs the other day about the couch idea I have that we could make together...if we ever find time to be together for longer than an hour.
As for my blog. It's going alright. It's been a bit of a challenge as I try to write something different there than I do here...but that doesn't always work out and a lot of times I end up on the same topic there. Still, it's nice that I can make that little corner of the interwebs my home. I'm not fully 100% sure what I'm going to do with it, but for right now, I'm just moving forward with what I've got. I hope y'all will visit me! I'll try to do better at taking pictures next week of meals and projects that I do. Which reminds me...I need a project plan for this weekend AND a new meal plan. I think we're having 4 practices again next week, so I'll need 4 made-ahead meals ready to either go in the oven or the crockpot while we head off to practice.
Here's my off-site blog address if you want to check it out:
I haven't posted today yet, but maybe once I wrap my head around what needs to be done I'll have more to say.
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
Today is August 8, 2012.
Today is the day I change my life.
Did you all have one of those? Those wake-up, ah-ha, lightbulb moments? Did some outside or inside trigger just flip the switch and you decided that THIS was it?
I didn't have one of those moments. Honestly, I didn't.
I mean, back in 2004 when this all started I sorta did...but not really. I was going in for testing for gastric bypass surgery and I figured that I would start the diet throughout the testing so it wasn't such a shock to my system when I came out of surgery.
In April 2010...I still to this day cannot tell you what hit me. It was a combination of the fact that my childhood friend had been working out and trying to get healthy combined with a weekend trip up to see her where we ended up at the middle school - where I remember walking the track after school lap after lap just trying to lose weight.
I have had so many stops and starts in my life.
I think that's why I don't like the word "journey". Because if I looked at it that way, I would have to include my entire life past the age of about 8.
Because after age 5 I became fat and I stayed that way.
And even though I wasn't ashamed of it (because I was friggin' 8 and didn't care much beyond whether my Barbie's hair was combed and styled properly and if her shoes matched her shirt), everyone around me was. And they taught me the shame I would later adopt and carry with me.
But never - not once - was THAT time THE time.
I don't know why.
Especially by April 2010 when I joined Spark.
I had given up on the idea that there would ever be a THIS time or that I could determine when that time would be. It was out of my hands. I could do what I could. I could try. But I would probably fail.
It's one reason I didn't tell anyone at first what I was doing. My husband found out in the first week or so when I started measuring my food. But other than the world I was building on Spark...no one knew. Slowly I began to tell people. My mom. My sister. My family. A few close friends. And by then people were already noticing my weight loss, so the proverbial cat was out of the bag.
And all the while I was biting my nails, but trying to be brave.
Finally, I let my world in on FB.
Big mistake. HUGE!
Because now I felt like they expected things of me I wasn't prepared to give.
They wanted me to be someone I didn't feel I was yet...and might never be.
Because, remember, this time wasn't THE time...or at least I had no control over whether it would be or not.
Add to that a lengthy plateau that is probably 99.9% my fault for whatever reason and...
This wasn't the time.
Maybe tomorrow was the time.
Maybe it never would be the time.
Last night, as I watched my son's football team practice, I heard a lot of the boys panting and breathing heavy and unable to do a lot of the basic drills they use to do day after day.
ADD THAT TO...
After practice, I stopped by the store for the dreaded box of instant mashed potatoes and a bag of frozen vegetables.
ADD THAT TO...
A huge fight I had earlier with the Hubs...and an offhand agreement from him about how I had not been choosing my food wisely the past few days.
ADD THAT TO...
A talk with my son when we got home from football wherein I made him stretch (because they don't stretch them out after practice or games) and then had him ice his sore ankles.
...somehow...yesterday broke my heart.
I was feeling pretty good about myself. I'd been hitting the gym pretty regularly. I'd been making a ton of meals at home. I'd been using the weekends to get my house cleaned, scrubbed and organized - which involved more weekend movement than I've had in months. And yet...I don't know...I still feel like it's not enough and that I'm not enough.
And I don't know how to fix that...or if it can be fixed.
Today in the pool I pushed a little harder on my last few sets of laps. I got the entire 1600 yards in, and followed that with 40 uber relaxed cool down yards. The fast laps helped me hit some higher ranges on my HRM (130s-160), but I can't say it's made me feel any better.
I feel more like I'm treading water.
Until I figure out what else to do, though...I'll keep treading.
Because even though I can't say that THIS is THE time.
I can't say it isn't either.
I feel like I have no control over it...and that makes me sad and frustrated.
And then I feel like I have the control, I'm just not strong enough to do it...and that makes me even more sad.
More than anything, I'm feeling bored and stressed and pressured and overwhelmed by all that's been thrown at me lately. Between work and the house and my kids and football and dinners and workouts and still not getting anywhere with ANY of it...
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