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Don't Panic...Adjust! - W6.D6

Friday, June 04, 2010

That's how I felt this morning after hopping on the scale and seeing another increase. Let me preface by saying that my weight fluctuates rediculously from day to day. I don't understand it. Like, at all. This is why I don't weigh myself every day. This is also why I hate numbers. They just don't seem to make any sense in my situation. I can be on track all day, every day, for 5 days in a row, but each day my weight could raise a pound or even two...and then on the fifth day I, somehow - magically?, lose 8 pounds. I mean, it just doesn't make sense calorie-wise. Did I mention that I hate numbers? HATE. There is a strong passion behind my abhorance for numbers. I was an English major. Numbers and I don't compute.

So this morning I'm up to 398. WTF, dude? Seriously? I cannot pinpoint a place where I did anything to cause this gain. Yesterday went much like this:

6am - wake up. (Okay, maybe it was closer to 7am.) Take shower, dress. Open greek yogurt, add homemade strawberry jam, add small amount of granola, grab spoon and run out the door. Eat yogurt while in car on the way to work. (I have a talent, people!)

8:30am - Arrive at work. Realize that I survived the day before without coffee (my work was out of creamer and I didn't feel like buying it again), so I make myself a cup of tea. YUM! I sparked much of the day. I took a few breaks. On my breaks I tried to pace or walk back and forth in front of the building while reading. Just moving a little. 'Tis a good thing.

10am or so - I join the Yoga Lovers group on Spark. I realize that I want to learn more Yoga moves. I track down a website and pull off two moves for weight loss. I put on some soft music, lock the door to my office, kick off my shoes and spend the next 12 minutes centering, breathing, stretching, Yoga-ing it up. Can't figure out what else to do, so I just stop there and call myself good...I'll work out again later.

1pm - I ask Judge what it's like outside (he runs miles and miles daily and we often share weather reports with one another...especially following the incident a few weeks ago when both of us got stuck in the downpour and were soaked through. He got sick... :( ) He tells me that it feels fine at first, but after you start sweating it's hard to recover. *sigh* I live an hour away. No shower anywhere near. I still have my second job to go to tonight. This is a showstopper. I'll work out later. I take my book, park under a shade tree and read for 20 minutes before returning to the office.

4:30pm - Off work. I head out the door. Hours to kill before my meeting at 7:30pm. I want to work out but it's still VERY hot and I can't afford a gym membership yet. *sigh* I hate this part. The waiting. I don't want to get all sweaty. Now, not only do I not have a shower handy, I don't even have a place to change. Sucks dude. I go to CATO, find nothing...a shirt that just doesn't look right. I leave and head to my meeting. No clue what to do. Sit in the car and read? Did I mention that I hate waiting? I call home and whine on the machine to nobody at the house. They've gone to grandma's. I wish I were there instead. I go to Dick's Sporting Goods and pick up a set of resistence bands. Get a little peeved over the fact that these sports stores assume the only people who work out are tiny people as I look around at the mini-shorts I see. *sigh* Maybe I'd like a nice shirt for running with that "moisture wick technology" you're touting. Ever consider that? Nope. Thought not. Drool over the fitness equipment and the kayaks. (*love*) Leave with bands, but unfulfilled.

5:30pm - Call AM (friend). She suggests a walk. I remind her it's too hot and I don't have a place to shower and change. She offers a glass of wine. I turn it down. Traffic is bad. Don't want to be stuck driving all over town and miss the meeting. She says she will meet me near my meeting and we'll grab some sushi. Okay. I guess. *sigh* I arrive in S. Charleston and look up at the mound. It's an old Indian Mound. There are stairs climbing to the top. It once looked enormous to me. Now, not so much. I always said I wanted to climb the stairs. I decide I have the time now. I climb the stairs. There aren't too many but it's a tiring workout anyhow. My blood pumping feels good. I sit at the top for a moment, take in a beautiful view over the little city there. I climb back down and walk around the mound once. Not too sweaty. Manageable. Good. About 10 minutes there...not sure, didn't check the watch.

6pm - Sushi dinner. Sushi is good for me. Edamame is good for me. Rice is alright in moderation. Miso soup - too salty. I have a bite or two and leave it alone. I drink water. I cut back on the amount of soy sauce I use. I still eat too much sushi (my body is not used to stuffing itself anymore...I guess I'll have to only order 1 or 2 rolls next time. Maybe just a Tekka Maki and a Kappa Maki. Lowest in calories. Best tasting.). I leave unconfortably full, but not completely P.O.ed at myself. Could've been MUCH, MUCH worse!

7-9:30 - Nice meeting. Interview a few people. Leave with notes and head over to paper. Discover a new guy at the paper - guess I didn't get that job. *sigh* Sit down, laugh a little with coworkers (journalists have the greatest sick sense of humor, I swear!) and write a LONG story. I've been restricted lately due to space issues, but I was told it was a slow news night so I just kept writing until I was done. I wait for it to be edited by a senior staffer and once he gives me a thumbs up (or was it the O-K sign?) I head for home.

10:30pm - Arrive home to waiting hubby's smiling face and kids sound asleep. Flip on old Gilmore Girls episodes and decide to whip out 10 minutes on the inStride cycle. Do 15 and decide to stop. Decide stopping is stupid because, while I'm tired and sore, I still have a little more in me. Do 18 minutes total to round of the 12 from yoga earlier. Stretch. Feel better. Hungry. Eat PB&J on a round. Still hungry. Eat another. Fulfilled. Drink a ton more water. Check Spark. Internet issues. Try tracking sushi but unsure of calorie counts. (No way, dude. This is hard!) Internet issues get worse. Give up. Close laptop and head to bed.

Where in that day do you see Esther losing it and gaining 3 pounds? Anyone? Buller? Buller? THIS is why I hate that blasted scale. He's evil. He lies. I hate him. I kick him on random occasions because he tries to stab me in the back on a regular occasion. My only thought is that - PERHAPS - there was too much salt and too much sitting which = water weight. OR that I didn't get ENOUGH calories, which I seriously doubt, dude. If sushi was that low in calories, everybody would be eating it! I have yet to hear of the Sushi Diet, so I'm assuming I've calculated wrong.

Armed with this 3 pound knowledge, I can do one of two things.

1 - Panic. Maybe even give up.
2 - Adjust.

Considering my computer desktop currently tells me each morning and afternoon to Never, Never, Never Give Up - I choose 2. I will adjust. I have already precalculated my calorie counts for the day (and am STILL under. *sigh*) and already know what I am preparing for dinner tonight. I know what my snacks will be (and tummy says it's time for one now...right on schedule!) and all I have yet to figure out is my workout for the day. It's going to be intense, I hope. I hope this drives me to pull out all the stops. I hate those 3 pounds...and the two pounds I gained last week. HATE. Passion. I want to banish them to hell, gosh darn-it. I don't want to ever see them again. I need the 380s, and I'm not going to get there by panicking and giving up.

Adjust. Move on. ....I hate those 5 pounds right now...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIWIFISH 6/4/2010 3:52PM

  Everyone's seemed to cover the important stuff so far - so I'll just mention the sushi (I lurve sushi.. it's mah best friend lol) the ones you have tracked - 0.7 ounces each, that's about one piece of sushi. (depending on the size of the roll, one piece can be anywhere from 0.5 - 1 ounce) So if you had a whole roll of that type of sushi.. it would be 0.7 x however many pieces.

Just so that you know for next time ^-^ I always run into stuff that makes me go o.O and try to figure out how the heck to track it lol.

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KILA1228 6/4/2010 2:41PM

    My weight is the same. Up and down. Water weight gain in my nemesis. I couldn't see where you could of gained weight but as you said the weight does come back off. So that is a positive. Maybe the weight gain is muscle? Stay positive!

Comment edited on: 6/4/2010 2:42:35 PM

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CALLIKIA 6/4/2010 1:39PM

    Don't think it's potassium deficiency here! *lol* I pulled up a list of potassium rich foods and I eat a lot of the ones on this list. You may, however, have helped me figure out what's up with my 8 year old, who refuses to eat any of these foods (except parsley):

Bananas, Oranges, Apricots, Avocado, Strawberries, Potatoes, Tomatoes, Cucumber, Cabbage, Cauliflower, Chard (WTF is that? Sounds really gross!!), Bell pepper, Eggplant, Squash, Crimini mushrooms (you're a bad criminal...hehe), Brussels sprouts, Turmeric, Parsley, Spinach, Broccoli, Tuna, Halibut

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CALLIKIA 6/4/2010 1:31PM

    Just FYI - I don't think I put all my food in there. It's in my tracker, though if you want to check that out. I rarely hit my calorie goals, or my carbs for that matter. I try, but it's just so many stupid calories when you're eating healthy...and I refused to constantly feel STUFFED! I'm trying to get away from that and into healthy eating habits. (Being this overweight is REALLY hard!)

As for the scale - I refuse to buy one again until I can buy a more "normal" scale. One thing about being THIS fat is that you have to shop specialty stores - even when it comes to scales, which you'll end up resenting and hating because you had to dish out so much darn money just so that you could be disappointed, angry and upset. BLAH!

Thank you all for your support, encouragement and sympathy. Going much better today. I've started taking Yoga breaks when I feel like I've been sitting too long. I can do them in my little cube without anyone knowing! *lol* Today I did 30 minutes of core and leg training yoga! Oy Vay!!! (sp?) I'm sore already!!

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KITKA82 6/4/2010 1:29PM

    I pick one day to record my weight (and try not to weigh myself on any other day) each week, and watch for a downward trend. There are many factors that affect the fluctuation of your weight from day to day. Seeing the numbers go up and down each day would drive me bonkers! Adding to the suggestion of water weight, drinking lots of water plus eating more potassium will help to flush you out. Keep it up!!! emoticon

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    You don't sound like you ate enough yesterday! When our "furnace" is not stoked, there is no fire to burn; then our metabolism slows down (it's a survival mode)! And remember, muscle weighs more than fat! Just a little food for thought! I'm calling June my "turnaround" month, my "something's got to give month", because if we just keep emoticonon truckin', eventually that "mean ol' scale" is going to start winking back at us, right? I wrote a blog yesterday, you can check it out on my SparkPage; it's "My weight went up, but I'm not down", or something to that effect! Be encouraged! You are doing fine!

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AMBIEROB 6/4/2010 12:55PM

    It's definitely water. No one gains and loses fat that quickly. Especially if it goes back and forth. Drinking lots of water gets rid of extra water like that. Don't let it derail you. Get on track and you can do it!

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APATRICIAO521 6/4/2010 12:39PM

    Honestly, it sounds like you might need a new scale. Sometimes when a scale is dying or the batteries are just going it will flucuate a lot. Besides for that I cannot see anything that you may be doing that would be "wrong". It sounds like you are on the right track to succesS!! Keep up the awesome work. It is worth it in the long run.

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SPARKGIRL32 6/4/2010 12:28PM

    The scale sucks but there are so many things that contribute to how it works. When your fat cells shrink, temporarily water replaces the area. So when the water do the pounds. I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that's why people will not lose all week and the all of a sudden drop 2-3 pounds :)

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TEAM-SARAH 6/4/2010 12:10PM

    The scale is such a jerk! haha. I love your blogs, btw. I was reading a few of them yesterday. You're a really good writer and I like the way you put your thoughts into words. I love Gilmore Girls too :) I have been going through all the seasons again gradually. I am sure your next weigh in will be better. So this weekend on Sunday I freaked when I weighed myself at 207 and then yesterday I weighed myself at 197 haha. so ya know... really really stupid. That's a HUGE fluctuation. Just proves to me that I gotta take the number with a grain of salt.

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OTTAWABOUND 6/4/2010 11:14AM

    My weight fluctuates a lot, too. I suspect it has something to do with my size, water retention, etc. For example, sushi has a lot of salt in it (the rice is cooked in salted water), so you might have been holding water. Plus I find I hold more fluid on hot days, maybe the body is worried about not having enough or something weird like that...

But you are making healthier food choices AND you are working out (and give yourself points for those stairs that you had never climbed because it looked hard).

Best of luck.

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PRETTYMANDI 6/4/2010 10:25AM

    I had a 1.5 pound gain this morning! I was ticked! I also cannot see what I could have done wrong except too much sodium! I guess if you are going to adjust, I will try as well.

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I May Be Fat, But... - W6. D5

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Do you remember that old joke? "I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight." Too many times a day I remind myself that I'm fat. Seriously. It's a running commentary in my head. I look in the mirror in the morning, sleepy-eyed, no makeup and think "You're still fat." Later in the day I put my makeup on and then look again, "Looks better...but still fat." Why do I insist upon reminding myself that I'm fat 24 hours a day? Am I afraid I'll forget and do something stupid like run naked through the halls of my work building or something? What is the point of this self-defeating, self-negating abuse? Honestly, I've had enough. So I've decided to come up with some witty (or maybe not so, and just honest) comebacks for myself.

I may be fat, but...

* ...I am flexible. I have always been flexible. At 300 pounds I could do the splits. At 466, that was no longer possible. (No, I can't do them now, nor would I try with this knee...that's just inviting disaster!) But just last night I did 45 minutes of my Yoga DVD. I didn't need modifications anymore. I am regaining my flexibility again. On a few moves I even tried the suggestions to make the pose harder!

* ...I am beautiful. Yep, I said it. While I harp on my stomach and its disgustingness on a regular basis, I never deny myself the fact that I was still born a beautiful little girl. Even at 466 I could mask my weight some by taking only pictures of my face. While some of you may classify this as "pretty face syndrome" I am reminded time and again when I ask my husband, "Would you rather have her?" and pick out some skinny chick in the crowd. He immediately responds, "Heck no! She's ugly!!" I told my husband that I was afraid I would be ugly when I was skinny and he laughed and told me I was rediculous. "Someone who can be as beautiful as you at this weight, or above this weight like you were, is going to be drop dead gorgeous when she's skinny. I'M not worried!"

* ...I am NOT lazy. There is that stigma attached to fat chicks that we're all lazy. That we sit around the house all day eating Twinkies and watching soap operas. In three short years I blew all of those expectations out of the water. I worked two jobs and went to school full-time. A couple of those years I did it without hubby, who was working at the time up in Ohio and was only home for 3 days each week. I had to rely upon myself. And now that I'm done with that and I know how busy I can be and survive, I find myself unable to be inactive. Monday was the first day I did absolutely NOTHING all day! Hubby even remarked last Friday, as I was trying to get him out of bed to go pick strawberries, "Man! We're ALWAYS going somewhere!" *lol* Sorry, hubs, that's our new life. Active. Fit. Strong. And Fulfilling!

* ...I am a good mother. My kids may have their faults, and they may annoy the heck out of me at times. But I'm a darn good mother, which either of them will tell you out of my earshot. (I've heard from others.) We have fun! We do cool things together. I let them get away with just enough, but not too much to make them spoiled. They have been taught to respect other people, to care for those smaller than them and elderly that need their help. They will walk up to a complete stranger in the grocery store to offer to help them get something off the bottom shelf (but only within my line of sight, because they know about "stranger danger"). I have great kids, and I have to be able to take some credit in raising them!

* ...I'm a great person. I'm a good listener. I give a lot of advice (most of it not taken, but that doesn't stop me from giving it when it is asked for). I take care of my friends and family. I try to make sure they know that I love them and that they are important to me. I would much rather give than receive because it fills my heart and makes others smile. I want to do good things in the world. I've never considered harming another being out of spite, anger, rage, or jealousy (at least not beyond a "I'd like to give that girl a swift kick in the pants!" comment). The only fight I was ever really in as a child was when a girl came up and punched me in the back. I ran home. But I'm not a sissy either. I will stand up for myself, I just believe more can be accomplished through words than fists. I am compassionate and believe that others deserve sympathy, even if they are in a bad place in their lives...something broke them, I always think.

* ...I *love* the outdoors and outdoor sports! While my knee holds me back from doing some of them (skiing, surfing), I absolutely love being outside in the woods. I love hiking...even if it might take me longer than anyone else to walk a mile, I'm out there hiking and exploring the world. I often think back to when the land was new, or when Native Americans lived at one with it. It brings me a sense of inner peace, even if a little twinged with guilt for what the white settlers did to them. I *love* to row a boat. When I used to work out at a gym, I would be the fat girl in a sea of skinny people and the only one rowing the rowing machine. I love how it works my whole body. I love the rush of "wind" as I push back on my butt. I would love to row on a team, but I'm fine with simply renting a row boat at the lake and having at it while my kids whine about how BORING it is! I love it! I love feeling like I'm out somewhere where few dare tread/row! I love swimming and biking, though I can do them yet. I can't wait until the day I can kayak! (More than anything, this is what drives me to lose weight!)

*...I'm good at several sports, and even when I'm not good, I'll try! I love volleyball. I suck at tennis, though I'd love to give it a go again. I think basketball rocks, though traveling down the court and going up in a "real" game would be out of the question. Football is a lot of fun to watch, though playing it would really scare the crap out of me!! *lol* Golf...hrm..wouldn't mind trying. Of course, things like boxing and fighting, I hate (see above), but karate and the martial arts are cool because they teach discipline and balance...I see them as more mental.

* ...I walked a 5K 1:15.39.
* ...I workout every day.
* ...I love yoga!
* ...I look for opportunities to move!
* ...I eat healthier than most of my "skinny" friends.
* ...I find new ways to cook healthy foods.
* ...I can cook a self-created recipe from scratch ("wing it") and it will be nutritious and delicious!

I guess I really have a lot that I actually *LIKE* about myself, if I really think about it. From now on, when that little voice tries to hit me with a "still fat" thought, I'm going to push a little "I may be fat, but" comeback down his throat! I've got to remind him just who is the boss now. I've got to let myself off the hook, really! I've been fat nearly my entire life. Some of that was my fault, some of it I can't remember, some could be contributed to a jerk of a father who was evil and rude to me for 16 years...but one thing is for sure...none of it happened overnight! (Though, I have found it easier/quicker to gain weight than it is to lose it! *lol* Nobody mentions that part, do they?) Each day that I let myself indulge in these wonderful things about me is a day when I'm respecting myself. And respect will lead to love. And love will make this easier.

Now you try it! "I may be fat, but..."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I, too, look in my mirror, and I have that same, annoying, critical "voice" that says to me, "You're fat"! I loved your "affirmations" about yourself! I remember a little saying "I'm not fat, I'm fluffy!" I always smile when I think of that! So today when I look in my mirror, I'm going to think of you, and look that "critical BULLY squarely in the eye, and reply "FAT IS NOT in my vocabulary!" emoticon

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    Great blog! It really made me think about the things I like about myself as well. Thanks for sharing.

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SOON2BEFITSLP 6/4/2010 12:47AM

    I loved this blog post, it is definitely the type to print and paste up! If only I had a printer! Thanks for being so motivational! emoticon emoticon

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PRETTYMANDI 6/4/2010 12:27AM

    I may be fat, but I prefer to spell it with a PH.

I loved this blog! you really motivated me today!

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ERIN1128 6/3/2010 7:27PM

    Love love love this blog!!! You need to print it out and tape it to the fridge, wall, wherever you can see it every day, to remind youreself that you're gorgeous!

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ZENTHAE 6/3/2010 3:00PM

    I have to agree with your husband, YOU ARE GORGEOUS! And there is no doubt in my mind that any of that other stuff isn't true!

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BECKYB73 6/3/2010 3:00PM

    You're not fat, you're awesome. Also, I'm so freaking tired of the fat = lazy stereotype.

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LEXUSIASIS 6/3/2010 2:21PM

    You not only are beautiful on the outside, but you have to be beautiful on the inside too. The proof of that is the way your wonderful husband looks at you. Great job and thank you so much for sharing.

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_ROODIE_ 6/3/2010 2:19PM

  Oh, how I wish I could write as eloquently as you and a couple of my other SparkFriends do! This is an awesome blog and I love it!! I've got to get to work, but tomorrow I'm gonna come up with some of my own comebacks. =)

emoticon emoticon emoticon

I also love the comment Ravensong37 made - You are not your fat - gonna put that one up on my SparkPage!


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KNOWMOREBBK 6/3/2010 2:09PM

    You know something... When you have reached your goal weight (and you will reach it), you really need to take all of your blog posts and assemble them into a book. They are awesome, raw, revealing and so much more. emoticon

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MERALO 6/3/2010 1:53PM

    I may be fat but I'm successful at my job and respected in my industry!

Hah! I did it! Thank you sugar...this was a great blog!

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TEAM-SARAH 6/3/2010 1:30PM

    I loved this blog!! It's important not to let weight stop you from appreciating all of the wonderful aspects of yourself. The weight is just ONE thing. It's hard to ignore, sure, but you are now well armed against the fat talk!

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RAVENSONG37 6/3/2010 12:52PM

    I may be fat, but I'm hotter than your girlfriend!! Ha ha...I was in a t.v. commercial when I was 19 and weighed like 230 pounds...I have been asked to model plus size clothes and encouraged to get into the "industry" by more than one person. (Though none of that appeals to me, I have to feel pretty good about the idea that I'm pretty no matter what size I am!)

I may be fat, but my body is simply a vehicle for the beautiful, talented, creative, empathic, intelligent and loving spirit within me. Loving that part of me helps me take care of the shell which is my physical body and loving and caring for my body nourishes my soul, but my body aint me!

I love this blog. You are not your fat...and being fat is not a sin or a thing for which you need to feel shame. It's simply the state at which your body exists for now. It can change!

Comment edited on: 6/3/2010 12:53:53 PM

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GALSAL59 6/3/2010 12:38PM

    Thanks for the great thoughts. You've got it going on there girl!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Vocabulary Lesson: Part II - W6.D4

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

You have to forgive me...I'm a student of English (or...was) and sometimes the best way for me to process things is to discover the language behind it.

I have decided that there are several words in the English language that are simply not appropriate for my life right now.
Journey. As in "my weightloss journey" or "my Spark journey."

Journey (n)
1. a traveling from one place to another, usually taking a rather long time; trip
2. a distance, course, or area traveled or suitable for traveling
3. a period of travel
4. passage or progress from one stage to another

I know many of you are fond of this one, I was too...but I have decided that I can no longer consider this, or any portion of my life, a sort of path from beginning to end. My life will span beyond whatever choices I make today. I cannot worry about how long the road is or how far I must travel because, in all honesty, I have until the day I die to travel my journey.

Life is a funny thing. We take it in stages, in bursts. We are children. We are adults. There is the time we worked in retail or sales. There was the journey of being a telemarketer. There is the journey of parenthood and senior adulthood. But what does any of that matter in the grand scheme of things? As long as there is breath in my body, I will be on this journey. (And, depending on your belief system, perhaps long after as well.) To segment my life is to fail to make the connections needed for a full, happy, and healthy life. I must remember what I can of my childhood and understand how it connects to who I am today. And I must not dwell over the steps I take on this "journey" when I should, instead, focus on living each day in the beauty of what is around me. Birds, trees, sun, language, words, people, stories, colors, music, thought.

Kant said that we classify things because our simple minds cannot process the huge quantity of the sublime. We create borders around it in order to better understand. Well, I'm through with borders. I'm ready to just bask in the sublime and enjoy every moment that is given to me.
Bad as in "I had a bad day" or "that is a bad food."

Bad (adj)
1.not good in any manner or degree.
2.having a wicked or evil character; morally reprehensible
3.of poor or inferior quality; defective; deficient
4.inadequate or below standard; not satisfactory for use

Cake has one degree or manner of being good. It tastes wonderful! And it is a great treat to celebrate with friends on very special occasions. There is a reason this treat is so darn popular, so for me to classify it as not having a single good trait is to lie, plain and simple.

And I do not have a wicked or evil character. it is not morally reprehensible for me to decide that I need 20 extra minutes on the couch tonight cuddling with hubby or giggling at the silly people on TV. Again, there are good things brought about by television as well, and plenty of good brought from cuddling!

When I reduce my days, myself, or certain foods to "deficient," I am failing to recognize what these things are good for. There are ways in which these days are important to our own health and well-being and there are certain foods that remind us how wonderful it is to live in such a world where someone woke up one morning and put eggs and sugar and flour in a bowl and baked the first cake, to the delight of all!
Cannot as in "I just can't do it, I'm too tired!"

Cannot (v)
The negative form of CAN

Because this definition refers to another definition, I have found the definition of Can for you.
Can (v) be able to; have the ability, power, or skill to know how to have the power or means to have the right or qualifications to
5.may; have permission to have the possibility

I have the ability, power and skill to walk/run/hike. I was granted these abilities when I was born with legs and feet and my parents held me with my hands over my head and encouraged me to put one foot in front of the other. For those without hands and feet, their talents lie elsewhere. They may be better able to do functions with their arms because of increased strength distributed there. Be that as it may, we are all, in some way, give the ability to move. We know how. We have the power and the means to do these things.

And the best part? We don't have to ask permission to do these things! Remember, there were once persons who had to ask permission to do anything outside of the bounds of what they were hired/enslaved to do. Even as a child, we are forced to raise our hands and request permission to use the little boys' or girls' room. But no one, I repeat, NO ONE can take away my permission to lace up my sneakers and put one foot in front of the other. Not only is this a possibility, it is fact and truth. I have no right to claim negation rights over these things.
Off as in "I'm having an off day" or "I fell off the wagon."

Off (adv) as to be no longer supported or attached as to be no longer covering or enclosing
3.away from a place: to run off
4.away from a path, course, etc.; aside as to be away or on one's way

Truth is, if you are a member of Spark, you will always be supported. The only decision to disconnect that attachment can come from you. And, like it or not, there are certain people that will think about you, consider you, and feel a connection to you long after you have gone. You can run off, but you cannot force us to sever the ties we have made with you in our hearts. No matter how long you are gone, you can return once again and we will be happy, relieved, perhaps even overjoyed, to see you once again. Because while you were gone (probably thinking of us and missing us too) we were thinking of you and supporting you anyway.

And, as with bad, there are reasons for "off" days as well. To claim that these days mean something other than "I needed rest" is to fail to see their greater pupose. Of course, we didn't take off that workout because we "cannot" do it...we simply chose not to. Because this isn't a "journey" with an end date, that one day is not likely to affect the course of our lives in a very significant way.

What will affect our lives, however, is an off month/year (etc) because we have had those already. I took so many years "off" that I now weigh 395 pounds. My body aches. My toes are sore. My knee joint burns. There are things I have caused myself to be unable to do because of the stress upon my joints created by "off" years. This time off DID affect my life, my journey. Because I decided to stay away and avoid myself, to fail to connect and support myself for so long, I have certain health conditions that can never be fully reversed, only repaired. I think I owe myself more support and attention than that! Off days are just fine, but off years affect my health and safety. I would not want that for someone else, therefore, I should not want that for myself!

So, as of now, I am going to be more conscious of how I use these words, and try to understand if I'm using them correctly or not (not being most likely). What are your banned words?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOON2BEFITSLP 6/4/2010 12:51AM

    I am trying to avoid, "fail" as in "I fail at life today". I say these words a little too often.

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RAVENSONG37 6/2/2010 11:44PM

    Great. Really stimulating! I'm going to think more about this...but the first banned word that popped into my head is in I should weigh ______________ or I should be able to run ________________ time or I shouldn't feel _________________ or say _______________. I refuse to should on myself and try real hard not to should on others!

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BASKETLADY6 6/2/2010 6:54PM

    This is an awesome blog! I just clicked the "I Like This Blog" button, and I think you've had some great points about our accountability.


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PRETTYMANDI 6/2/2010 10:26AM

    "Cannot" or "couldn't" are words I am trying to avoid. I tend to want to say "I couldn't eat healthy because we were at a friends" or "I couldn't work out because it was my husbands day off." Instead I am trying to be more honest with myself. "I chose not to eat healthy because I wanted the _____ at so-and-so's house." "I chose not to work out today because I didn't want my husband to see me doing the 30 Day Shred and hyperventilating!" hehehehe

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May Recap - June Plan

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Yes, I'm double blogging. Today is the start of June, so I need to make sure that I have all of this in one place.

Weight beginning of May: 403.0
Weight goal for beginning of June: 395.0 (-8)
Actual Weight beginning of this month: 395.6
Actual Weight lost in May: 7.4 pounds

Sunday was weigh-in day, but I missed it because we were out of town. Instead, I hopped on first thing yesterday. I was really quite upset for a little while that the numbers had gone up, but I did have a rough week and those drinks at the wedding. I'm not killing myself over it. I still ended the month just .6 shy of 8 pounds down. With graduation and the wedding, I think I did a pretty good job!
EDIT: Measurements
In May I:
Lost .5 in the waist
Lost 1 in the neck (WTF, dude? *lol*)
Gained 1 in the thigh (SERIOUSLY?)
Lost .5 in upper arm

Total for May: Lost 1 inch (2 lost - 1 gained = 1 lost) In my neck. Really? Who the heck cares about my neck right now? How about in the stomach! Or those stupid thighs of mine. I'm really frustrated by this...but what I need to remember is what is below.

Total measurements:
Lost .75 in the waist
Lost 4 in the hips
Lost 1 in the neck
Lost 1 in the thigh
Lost .5 upper arm

Total inches lost = 7.25 since April 19th

(And I'm attributing the thigh issue to bad measuring last time on my part...)

May Goals were:

Weight Loss Goal
Be down to 395.
emoticon...okay so I'm .6 off, but I'm giving it to myself!

Fitness Goal
Work out every day for at least 15 minutes.
emoticon I just couldn't keep it up EVERY day this month. But this month is all about consistency, so this month I will make this a reality. Just have to start small and baby this knee. Went out on me Friday and it's still sore and loose.

Food Goal
I want to learn to cook healthy all the time.
emoticon I have swapped so many of my old recipes and learned so many new ones in May! I'm really getting the hang of healthy cooking!

Health Goal
Of course, this is the month to end my smoking addiction.
emoticon Major fail. Working on it.

Personal Goal
I want to see some changes in my appearance.
emoticon I've seen them, and others have seen them, but the newness of it has worn off and I find myself staring, waiting for something to change. I have to get over this mindset if I want to really succeed!

Other Goal
Finally, and most exciting for me, I will head this month to the lake/park and get back into hiking, rowing, swimming...
emoticon Have yet to head out to the lake, although I have found some fun outdoor activites to participate in with the kids and hubby.

"May - the month I graduate from college! This month is looking to be an awesome, amazing, wonderful, unforgettable month!!!!" ...That's what I said at the beginning of May. It turned out more emotional and upsetting than I had anticipated, but I still accomplished my goal of graduating college - I deserve credit for this from myself and have demanded such!
June Goals:

Weight Goal: 387.6 (-8)

Workout Goal: 30 for 30!
15 minutes a day every day.
Strength training 4 times a week.
Increase speed of 2 mile (from 22 minute mile).
Try Zumba (class tomorrow...wish me luck!)

Food Goal:
No more "treats" every day. Once a week is good enough.
Find more "quick and easy" options and keep them on hand for lazy days. These are a reality for me sometimes, so I need to be prepared!
Lower the fat and up the protein and carbs! Try to stay on target here!

Health Goal:
Breathe easier. I'm just going to leave it at that.

Personal Goal:
Apply to at least 5 jobs a week. Make sure to check job sites every day for new postings. Spread the word to increase the chances of finding opportunities through friends and acquaintences - NETWORK!

Other Goal:
Go camping one weekend this month.
Go hiking once this month.
Go swimming at least once.
Go rowing at least once.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEWLIAGOULIA 6/3/2010 11:43AM

  You are making progress and that is awesome. (1 off of the neck - I never measured my neck, but that is awesome.)

Good luck with kicking the smoking.

You have a lot of support and you are doing well.


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BRANDI0074 6/3/2010 11:34AM

    I understand about wanting instant results! I stand in the mirror and stare and nothing!!! So I make it a point to take a picture in the same spot on my first weigh in at the beginning of the month! You can really tell a difference in the pics! Good luck and keep up all the hard work! Good buy 400's! I am glad you have kicked him to the curb! 400 was not good to me and I am sure he wasn't good to you, so lets don't let him come back!!!!!

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-SHIMMER-ANN- 6/3/2010 10:11AM

    OMGosh, no more 400's!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW EXCITING!!! :) Good job!

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    Well done girl!

With the specific goals you have set for yourself, and your resiliance and attitude - you will succeed. No question.

You have inspired me to set down on paper my goals - and I should use the blog for accountability more too - having something concrete besides just losing weight makes such a huge difference.

I hope June is a breeze for you, but no matter what, if you and I try our best, we will accomplish something great this month.

~M emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/2/2010 11:48:51 PM

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KILA1228 6/2/2010 7:08AM

    I like it, a girl with a plan! Plans for me are motivation! Good luck!

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ALIMESSA 6/1/2010 11:05PM

    Congrats on all your successes last month!

Good luck reaching all of your goals for this month...let's ROCK June!!

I can't wait to hear how Zumba is on my goal list this month as well...I haven't found a class yet, though!

As always,
Stay Strong!!

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RAVENSONG37 6/1/2010 8:18PM

    DUDE, YOU LOST 7+ pounds this month!! AWESOME JOB!!!! And, can I say: GOODBYE 400s!!!! Hello 300s, see ya for a while, but only till those gorgeous 200s show up!! One step, one pound and one day at a time! I'm SO impressed and inspired by you!!!

Comment edited on: 6/1/2010 10:12:33 PM

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IPATRICIA 6/1/2010 10:41AM

    WELL DONE emoticon

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PRETTYMANDI 6/1/2010 10:15AM

    Do you mind if I borrow your format a little? I want to put down my goals

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Weekend Update with Tina Fey...or Not - W7.D3

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Okay, so I'm not Tina Fey...but she is pretty darn cool, right? Anyhow, this weekend was crazy busy.

Friday -
Well, as you know I was blah and then made better by a batch of strawberries picked at a local strawberry farm. There are still at least 2 pounds of strawberries in my fridge right now, which if I don't use tonight I will freeze for smoothies. I felt pretty good about myself by the end of the night and went to bed ready for the next day.

Saturday -
I woke up around 9am or so and felt like not doing a darn thing. Seriously. I knew I needed to get ready to leave, but I spent about an hour just sitting on the couch with my son talking about what I needed to do and wasn't doing. I hate it when I do that!

I did finally get up and started packing everything we needed. We were headed back up to Columbus for a friend's wedding later that night. The plan was to leave the house at 11:30am, drive the 3 hours to my mother's house to drop off the kids and drive another hour and a half to Delaware for the wedding. Then we would have to find a cheap place to stay the night in Columbus before heading back down on Sunday to get the kids and heading the 3 hours home after that.

I know, it sounds insane right? I do what I have to do and nobody in Columbus was volunteering to watch my two wonderful boys for us...but it ended up happening very differently as I spent the 30 minutes from 11:30am to noon trying to convince my husband that he needed to get in the shower and get moving and the next half hour screaming at him to get his butt in the car. Didn't go well... We left to late and were scrambling to figure out what we were going to do. Hubby's advice? Just drive to Columbus and "We'll wing it." Yep, he said wing it...

Anyone who knows me (Capricorn) knows that I'm not so good at "winging it." I'm a planner through and through. Without a plan I'm lost and hopeless...or at least completely stressed out and overwhelmed. Things turned out alright as hubby got an uncle to watch the boys (he had 2 computers hooked up to the internet...the kids were in heaven!) and got permission to spend the night from a friend.

The wedding was beautiful and the food was amazing! The great thing about our friends up there is that most of them are vegetarians and the others still eat very healthy meals. The reception dinner included a lot of vegetables and just small pieces of chicken for those who were interested in a meat portion of the meal. For a free meal at a wedding, you couldn't have asked for anything better! I did have a few small bites of wedding cake, but that was all. The only problem I had at the wedding was the open bar. bar = disaster. Truth is, I've only been to 2 weddings in my life that have been open bar. And most of our friends are either married or are not interested in ever taking that path. As weddings go, we're mostly done I think. So while I didn't get drunk and I didn't go crazy, I did have about 4 glasses of wine in about the 3-4 hours we were there.

Sunday -
Friends from the wedding begged us to stay a little longer the next day in order to catch up. We haven't really seen them in a couple of years, so we obliged and drove over to their house around 1pm (once hubby, who did drink a lot, finally got up and showered). We stayed about 3 hours or so before finally heading out to drive the 2.5 hours home. The worse part of the trip was the McDonald's there and back. This is a road trip tradition and, unfortunately, in all my screaming at hubby I never thought to take a moment and pack some healthy food and snacks for me on the trip. So I stuck to McChicken Sandwiches and tea.

Monday -
Yesterday....yesterday I did absolutely nothing. I didn't shower or get dressed or even walk outside my house. I spent the entire day playing video games with my 8 year old and reading. Part of me is wondering why I wasted the entire day when I could have been doing so many things...but the other part of me, the most important part, really needed that day. It was my holiday. I've spent the past three years being on, and since graduation I've been going strong on this new lifestyle - cooking healthy, exercising every day, focusing on everything I put into my mouth, counting every single calorie, logging everything - and I've spent the rest of the time pushing forward with job applications and resumes, trying to find something great, something better, something that pays more than two nickles on a good day. I guess I was wore out, so I took my yesterday and I really enjoyed it. (Though I didn't enjoy the pizza - holy crap, didn't realize how used to "good" food my body had become! I felt crazy sick after eating that!)

So onward and upward today. I had my day of rest. Today is the start of a new day, a new month, and a new plan. This month it is about one word - consistency. No matter what I try to do, I need to keep trying to do it until it becomes a habit I don't even need to think about or stress over. June = Consistency.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALIMESSA 6/1/2010 11:00PM

    Wow...and I thought I was busy with family staying with us for the weekend!

Keep up the great work..and never doubt that taking a day of rest is a good idea!!

As always,
Stay Strong!!

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RAVENSONG37 6/1/2010 8:16PM

    Sounds like quite the weekend and that you made tons of great choices and were aware of the choices you weren't so fond of. All sounds like progress to me!! And there is just as much value in taking down time when it's needed as there is in pushing yourself to get going when it's needed. Good for you for recognizing the need to veg!!! I'm SO happy you are back...I really did miss my daily fix of Ester!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PRETTYMANDI 6/1/2010 9:37AM

    yay for June! I like to reassess my goals and my action plan every month (or week if something isn't working)

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