CALLIKIA   23,828
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
CALLIKIA's Recent Blog Entries

Please Enter a Title

Friday, August 03, 2012

Oh my lands...if you could hear the blog titles that have come out of my head this morning! HA! *shaking my head* I feel ashamed.

I'm not having the best day. Or, rather, I'm just not in the best mood. Mostly because I missed my morning swim, which throws off my entire day's plans and I need to rework my day again. Also because I have given in to eating out no less than 4 times in the past 2 days. What IS that? That's not me! It's just a mark of my not being prepared for the changes that needed to be made during the start of the football season. I just didn't realize that sitting for 2 hours in the sun and heat would take so much out of me and that the Olympics being on at the same time would steal hours from my sleeping schedule for the week. But, I'll do what I do best - readjust. I missed my swim this morning, but I won't miss it for the day. Even though I'm sore and tired and could probably use a little rest, I need today's swim both for the stress relief factor and because I'm trying to retrain my body and mind to expect 5 days of workouts and a more relaxed, but still active, weekend. And the only way to stop "starting over" is to stop giving up before the end of the week!

I also think I might need to take a little time from work today. I have had a headache since Tuesday and it's really eating into my stamina as well. I need a good long swim followed by a good long nap followed by a good homecooked and Paleorific meal. That would do me up just right...

We shall see how it all turns out, but I'm trying not to be negative about everything. The morning is over and even though I have the quote, "People are especially stupid today; I can't speak to any more of them." running through my head, I simply can't give in to the negativity because it will shut me down.

How do you guys pull yourself out of a morning slump?

You can see this blog written differently (*lmao*) at The Life & Times of the Fit Fat Girl.

Also keep an eye on that blog because I'll be posting a little recap of this week's new recipes from my meal plan and let your know which ones are keepers, which ones were just alright, and which ones were total flops (there actually WAS a major flop this week!).

I'll also try to keep posting there this weekend...something I don't do here usually. Let's hope I can find the time to do it! (usually I don't blog anywhere on the weekends because I'm trying to get things done and just don't have time to sit down at the computer).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LETYAK 8/5/2012 12:08PM

    looking forward to seeing your meal plans and recipes!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STINASTEW 8/5/2012 11:52AM

    Regardless of being in a bad mood, you've got to give yourself credit for readjusting :) That's a great accomplishment right there! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEMINIGEM6 8/4/2012 2:58PM

    I have no clue what a Paleorific meal is, but it sounds like it must be healthy! Lol.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LMB-ESQ 8/4/2012 10:49AM

    When I get into a spiral of downward negative thinking, the key for me is to just stop thinking. I have to put my body on autopilot and just pick up the first thing to do on my "to do pile" and just do it. That can include getting up early for a workout. I get the whole sick of people attitude too. That's when I shut my door and do the above.

Hope you're feeling better by now and you can enjoy your weekend

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUGIRL06 8/4/2012 8:38AM

    I used to blog on the weekends. No one reads them. Then again, I blog for myself right? LoL, I'm a hypocrite :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
GUITARWOMAN 8/3/2012 6:56PM

    I find that if I am in a slump in the morning, just starting to move, even if it is light housework around the house,gets me going. Burns calories too!


Report Inappropriate Comment
ERIN1128 8/3/2012 12:30PM

    LOVE your stupid people quote. At least it's Friday!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARUNNINGKAT 8/3/2012 12:30PM

    Hope you get a good swim, a good nap, a good dinner, and have a wonderful weekend to follow my friend! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
35ANGELS 8/3/2012 10:44AM

    Can't wait for your recipes from your meal is Paleo working out for you? I'm doing a mixure of Paleo and Clean Eating. I figure as long as I don't put any junk into my body, and stick to my calorie range, all will be good. lol Meal planning is such a mystery for me. I take out my recipe books, and just stare at them. lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
VICTORY2XS 8/3/2012 9:19AM

Readjust - that is the key here, and you already know that!

Glad you have a good attitude.

Blog Title: Time to Readjust my Thinking!

Report Inappropriate Comment

So Far, So Good

Thursday, August 02, 2012

Yesterday I posted my goals for the how am I doing so far?

Wednesday, August 1st

I got my swim in. Well, most of it. Apparently there was a scary storm coming in and the thunder from it meant I had to get out of the pool after 1200 out of my scheduled 1500 yards.

Aren't you scared? I know I sure was!!

Here I am trying to get away from it...

ONE raindrop hit my windshield on the way home. ...ONE. *sigh*

Dinner did not go exactly as planned. I had a bit of running around to do and Logan had skipped out on doing the dishes so I said "forget it!" and took Hubs and Ethan to the local Mexican place (after stopping off at the sports store to drop some cash on cleats, a mouthguard, and a chin strap sweat band thingy). I did well. Got a chicken nacho appetizer and only ate about 1/2 of it. Did have a few bites of the Chorizo from Hubs' dish, though. They make their chorizo on-site and it is absolutely fabulous!

The best part of my night? I actually shut off the Olympics (I still don't know if any of our guys took home a medal in the all-around) and went to bed at 11pm. Not excellent...but better than the past few nights.

And that meant I was able to get up early today and get my butt to the gym. I was running just a tad behind, but not so much that I had to cut anything from my workout (maybe if I had more time I would've done an extra 3 minutes or so on the TM for my cool down, but that's it).

Today was day 2 of NROLFW, so that meant Workout B1.

Deadlifts - 2x15 - weight: 95 lbs

Overhead Press - 2x15 - weight: 45 lb bar only
Wide-Grip Lat Pulldown - 2x15 - weight: 60 lbs

Dumbbell Lunges - 2x15 - weight: 15lbs each hand
Swiss Ball Crunches - 2x15

This was all done after another 5 minute warmup at level 13 on the bike and followed up by almost 10 minutes on the TM. I did only 1 1-minute run session at 5.0. I noticed my foot was NOT having it, so I backed off and walked the rest. I paid extra special attention to my feet and calves during my stretches and went to the showers feeling much better about myself. I'm still sore, yes, but I have to move past this sore and get to where my body is expecting this level of workouts again.

Tomorrow I've got another 1500 yards in the pool. Oh, how I wish my new swim cap(s) and goggles would get here because my old ones are causing all kinds of trouble during my first 600 yards! (I ordered 2-3 swim caps and a pair of goggles for a good price on One is even a London 2012 special edition Lochte silicone cap. -- note: I have no clue why they put Lochte's name on it...probably to sell more...I bought it because I thought it looked cute...I'm not the biggest fan in the world of Lochte...though I like him more after he was humbled in a couple races.) I'll be sure to take pictures when they get here. :)

So that's that. Little snafu this morning. Running late = McD's drivethru, but I opted for an egg mcmuffin, which is slightly better than the sausage mcmuffin I usually get. Oh, and no leftovers for lunch today, so I'll have to figure something out when noon rolls around. Fun! (not...I friggin' hate eating out for lunch now...too many decisions and too many of them not following with what I think my body wants to be consuming nowadays. Maybe I'll spring for some fish or shrimp tacos if I can get the place to make them quickly....but I tend to think I'll likely end up at Subway. *sigh*) Football practice tonight, so dinner will be a late one. Going to have to munch on some nuts and fruit or something after work to hold me over until around 9pm.

Basically, I'm adjusting slowly. It was weird not to weigh-in today, but it felt good too. And after taking some measurements yesterday I realized that I actually lost about an inch on my upper arms last month! It has been FOREVER since I managed to lose anything there. Ya think maybe swimming freestyle 2-3 times a week for anywhere from 25-50 minutes might have anything at all to do with that? I'm sure it does! I had to add my right shoulder to the list of body parts needing iced last night. *lol*

Oh, and I tried these the other day.

It's called Unreal: Candy Unjunked and it's supposed to be a more natural substitute for many of the popular candy bars (this one mocking Reese's PB Cups). You can read my review over it at The Life and Times of the Fit Fat Girl -

emoticon How did you start off the month of August? It's not to late to make the first 1/2 week of the month one that lights a fire inside you that might burn all month with regular maintenance. Get out there and play!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTBIRDY 8/2/2012 5:29PM

    I am at olympic burnout, too. I waited all am for them to show water polo, then said forget it, and went to the pool myself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUGIRL06 8/2/2012 3:14PM

    It is not a good week for me. I sit there, knowing I'm being lazy and eating bad and making excuses, yet I totally can't make myself do anything. Logically, I KNOW I CAN but I can't. UGH. Working on it as usual.

On another note, good for you! You are having a great week girlie!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ERIN1128 8/2/2012 12:07PM

    Sounds like you're kicking butt! August is going well for me so far. Let's keep it up!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GUITARWOMAN 8/2/2012 11:19AM

    So far so good, eating healthy and on track and increasing exercise as my healing foot can tolerate. It still feels pitiful to be walking on the treadmill at 2 MPH, compared to the 3.6 MPH that I had worked myself up to (with incline) before the surgery, but oh, well, it will get better.

I have seen that with the arm cycling my arms have developed nicely, but am decreasing minutes as I increase treadmill minutes. Am wondering if I should substitute arm cycling a bit a day for the three times a week weights when I have worked myself up to my full 55 minutes on the treadmill. Decisions decisions. I cannot devote any more time to the exercising at this point, I get up terribly early (4:30 or 5 AM) to do what I do.

My kudos to you Callikia for staying on track.!

I have ordered a HRM from Amazon and should get it today, looking forward! Treat to self for getting through the surgery in one (healed piece). emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAGPIE17 8/2/2012 10:33AM

    I think you're doing great, E! My eating was not a success (an entire calzone that sits heavy in your stomach right before going to zumba is NOT a good idea....siiigh), but I *did* get to zumba and work up a good sweat for an hour! I'll take it! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment

July Recap - August Goals

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

This can't be right...August already?! *sigh*

I thought about not making "goals" for this month. I thought about ignoring the whole thing and sticking to my plan of simply living a healthy life. And then, last night at football practice, all of that changed.

It was the start of Ethan's third year in football. First practice. And though I've cautioned him time and time again that he needs to start conditioning himself for it, he had a few bouts of stop and start exercising and never fully stuck to it in favor of playing video games and, well, being 10. I get it. How can we realize the importance of something like that when we're 10 and all we want to do is have fun and play? I don't fault him for that in the least.

But last night started off like every practice will from here on out until the end of the season. Warm-ups.

Run a lap around the field.
Do pushups (sorta).
High knees.
Bear crawls.
Leg raises.
Run a lap.

They always give the kids a break for water after the warm-ups and as Ethan trudged toward me I thought I heard him crying. "No!" I said. "You CANNOT cry. You can get mad and take it out on the field, but you cannot cry."

Truth is, it finally hit him how out of shape he has let himself become in the off-season. No manner of healthy foods I feed him can properly fuel him if he doesn't also include conditioning into his off-season training program. He collapsed into a heap next to the car trying to suck down water through gasps. He informed me, in between gasps, that he was not crying, but simply couldn't catch his breath. He was hyperventilating. And then he did start crying as he started to tell me, "I can't do it. I can't do it anymore."

I heard myself in that moment. We've all had those moments. When we realize that our bodies aren't responding in the way we thought they would - the way they did when we were conditioned through regular training. And to add insult to injury, as a child, he also has to deal with the fact that his body grew both up and out over his time off. He's now almost as tall as his brother, who is almost 3 years older than him, and he's about 120 pounds now, compared to about 90 last season. He's got more body to move around this year than he did last year and he was in full-on panic meltdown mode over what he considered a lack of his abilities.

I dumped my water over his head.
I talked him through about 10 deep breaths.
And then I told him...

"The first practice is always the hardest, but you look better out there this year than you did last year."
"You will not say that word to me again. We don't say the word 'can't' because WE don't give up."
"If you don't give up, I won't give up - deal?"

He made the deal. And I have to stick with it. And so, yes, I am making August goals. Because what better way is there to live a healthy life?

=== === === === ===



SW: 309.8
CW: 304.2

See, through all the nonsense, what I didn't realize is that I actually lost 5.6 pounds this month! If I can build upon that next month, I'll finally be in the place I've been shooting for for the past 7 years!


Minutes: 777 (HAHAHA!) (12h 57m)

The Break Down-
305 minutes spent Swimming (5h 5m)
85 in ST (1h 15m) (including a supervised workout with my new trainer)
248 minutes with Workout DVDs (4h 8m)
139 minutes spent Walking/Running (2h 19m)

So almost 13 hours for the month of July. And, yes, I find the 777 hilarious! I mean, it was the 7th month and somehow I managed to pull a 777! This could be good for oldest son was born on 9/9/99 and crazy number combinations like that pop up all the time in my family. Still, that's an average of 25 minutes every day for the month of July...and I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it sounds pretty good to me. I'd just like to be a bit more consistent with it.


The month of July saw the biggest push to a positive change in my diet. I've really started cutting out processed foods and have started eating a more Paleolistic diet, which has done wonders for my usual tummy problems. I haven't been 100% on this. Closer to 70% probably. But I'm moving in the right direction.

The one thing I've noticed about Paleo eating is that my calories just seem to work themselves out when I eat like this. It's not as hard to "cut back" because the foods I'm eating are just naturally lower in calories than things full of grains and garbage.


I pushed hard and got a lot done, but I wasn't consistent. And I started eating healthier foods, but I had some emotional eating as well. All in all, I'd say it wasn't all that bad, and what happened somehow helped me to settle my mind with what needs to happen now to move me forward. I have had several people tell me "Don't give up!" and I'm not. Not in the way you're thinking. I'm just reworking my mindset and strategy to focus less on the goal of "losing weight" and more on the goal of "living a healthy lifestyle"...because as much as we all talk about how we're "changing our lives"...sometimes it can feel like a boring old diet - a must do on the list of lose weight, get healthy and fit. We like to think of it in pretty terms, but on weigh-in day sometimes it all falls apart if we don't get what we want. So I'm trying to change my thinking and make working out and eating right less of a "have to" and more of a "get to" - as in, "I get to eat all these delicious clean and healthy foods and not feel guilty for a random indulgence now and again because I know I'm putting time in at the gym to make my body healthy and strong." July made me realize that with this plateau I had slipped back into a diet mentality...and that crap needs to GO!

=== === === === ===



I thought about not setting a weight goal because I don't plan on weighing in until September 1st (if I can help it), but I will say that I'd like to lose another 5-6 pounds like this month. That'd make me feel great and would set me up to be DONE with this plateau and under the 300 mark. Still, I'm not weighing in so I won't be able to stress over the numbers there. There are so many other beautiful numbers I can focus on - like fitness minutes! ;)


Okay, so last month I made it to 777 fitness minutes. I'm not going to go crazy here and try to amp up my workouts to high gear. Instead, I'm going back to the mentality of Spark - small steps lead to positive change, right?! So this month, and with sticking with my pattern/theme, I'm shooting for 888 minutes. *dopey grin*

That would average out to almost 29 minutes every day. A marked improvement.

And how am I going to get there? I'm sticking with the following schedule for August.

Sunday - 30m yoga/PT stretches
Monday - Swim
Tuesday - NROLFW
Wednesday - Swim
Thursday - NROLFW
Friday - Swim
Saturday - 30 minute walk or run

I will try to make every workout I can without stressing myself if I miss one here or there. And, no, I didn't schedule a "rest" day per se, but I'm considering Sunday rest days still because all I really want to do that day is make sure I'm stretching and taking care of my body - managing my hips, my knee, and the PF that is trying to come back. (Yay me... *sarcasm*) And I KNOW there will be some days that I miss my trip to the gym for whatever reason. I have to accept that this is part of life. I can't devote my life to this pursuit entirely and I must be ready for the unexpected family obligation...I just have to do my best to get to every workout I can possibly get to without making stupid excuses that have no real foundation in truth.


Eat more Paleo. Also, I've reset my tickers again on both MFP and Spark, so they have me at a lower calorie range. I'm not lifting as hard as I was months back, so there's no need for me to refuel at higher ranges. Still, I'm not going to stress if I go over now and again. I've been eating pretty consistently around 2000-2400 calories so dipping down to 1600 is going to be really difficult if I try to just go there straight on. Plus, I don't think it would be good for my body. So I'm going to allow myself the higher level of my range - around 1950 - and not stress if I go over a couple hundred calories now and again. In fact, my plan is to not stress at all, because that just leads me to binge/emotional eating. I'll be fine eating anywhere from 1600 to 2400 calories...and I still will try to hold myself down from raging if I get to 2600 on a honest to goodness "hungry day"...because we all have them. (I had one yesterday! ERMAGAD!)


I'm also going to work on keeping my "Weekend Projects" going around the house. I'd love to be able to finish up cleaning and prepping my laundry area this weekend for a bit of a makeover. I'm a little scared to move on to any other room, so if I want to stick with this one until it's completely painted, organized, and in lovely shape, I'm going to give myself every weekend in August to do that. But I may just organize best I can (painting is a pain in the rear!) and try to move on to another important room - either the living room or the kitchen. My goal is to have a better house on September 1st than I do today...and to keep it up throughout the month.

Also, I want to try to keep up my off-site blog. I'm hoping to do more recipes, reviews maybe, and reports on my weekly projects. It's an effort to organize my life and give you a glimpse into the other side of it...the not solely driven by number on the scale part.
You can follow me there at:

So...there we go. August goals. See...I TOLD you I wasn't giving up completely!

emoticon What are your goals for this month? Trying anything new and exciting?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GUITARWOMAN 8/1/2012 8:03PM

    Great blog, glad to see you up and running.

You know, I have never set monthly goals, at least not in writing, I will think about doing this... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEALTH-E-CLARE 8/1/2012 1:52PM

    I love that you shill have a plan but are giving yourself the options to be flexible. I do think you were a bit hard on yourself with the B-, what with losing your washer/dryer and being without power for how long?

Congrats on the loss. Glad to see that the determination you show is also a trait your kids have, they are growing into great young men!

888 - LOVE IT!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARUNNINGKAT 8/1/2012 12:52PM

    Love, love, love your blog and your plans! You sound like you are on the right track and you are making progress no matter how slow the progress seems sometimes. And you sound encouraged today too! You are such an amazing lady and I hate to see you discouraged! Have a great month of August! We are going to do this thing, this thing called healthy living! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ATROTTIER 8/1/2012 12:26PM

    Love it!! I will remember that moment you had with your son so I can do the same for my son someday - never give up! :)

So happy for you and your goals are fantastic! I started my jogging program last week so I intend to keep on it this month because I signed up on my company team for a 5K MUD run in early October so I cannot stop training for that...I'm pretty much the only chubby person on the team - i work with all skinnies so I need to keep up - i want to keep up with them! The running is damn hard, I'm really hoping it gets better.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ERIN1128 8/1/2012 11:58AM

    Honey, I give you an A any month! I love how you keep picking yourself up and getting back on that horse. And I love how you and your son work together.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Football Season Incoming!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

First of all, if there are any cooks out there willing to help me revamp a recipe, you can find the info at my other blog:

I have to tell you that I felt better yesterday than I have in a long time. It's like the pressure was released from my shoulders and the worries melted away a bit. (Not completely...I'm not insane here! I still WANT to lose weight and stay healthy so there will always be that little nagging "Are you sure?" question in the back of my head.) That lasted most of the day.

I do have to note that I was a little hungrier than usual yesterday...but I should also note that even though I planned on eating 2 slices of pepperoni pizza last night, I stopped at 1 and a half because I knew I was done. And that, my friends, is the power of not feeling pressured. I didn't emotionally eat the rest because I was angry about the situation and about the guilt I felt over eating it. In fact, I wasn't even feeling guilty. Of course, there was a comment from Hubs that made me want to slither into a ball, but...I know he didn't mean it the way my sensitive brain took it. He honestly just doesn't understand this whole "giving up without giving up" thing. I don't even know if I fully get it, but my body seems to understand.

I have done both morning workouts - yesterday and today - two days in a row without guilt and shame pulling me there. I simply tell myself, "This is your schedule. Today you have to get your workout in early because you have to take Ethan to football tonight." And off I went.

Yesterday it was swimming 1500 yards like a friggin' champ! (That's just 150 off my 1 mile mark!!)

This morning, it was Workout A1 from Stage 1 of New Rules of Lifting for Women. And I did it up smart too...I actually warmed up and cooled down and stretched before and after without nagging myself or fighting myself on it. (Warm-up was 5 minutes, level 13 on the bike. Cool down was a little run/walk intervals for 5 minutes, followed by 5 minutes of real cooldown slow walking on the treadmill.)

So far I feel soreness, but not pain. I do need to ice my hip and back, so I'm going to have to invest in an ice pack to keep here at work. Manage it, Esther. Manage your body.

The best part about all of this is that last night, without feeling rushed or overworked, I was able to take my youngest to get his football gear as the season is starting this week! Of course the first thing his coach told him? "You need a hair cut, Bub!" *lol* My poor son has my hair - thick, coarse, and his is even a bit curly as well. It grows SUPER fast. Just months ago we got him a mohawk cut that was pretty short...but now it's just an overgrown mess again. I'll be taking him this weekend to get it buzzed, though, because when he's under that helmet on hot nights in August, he does not need any extra heating from his hair!

Of course, it's not all sunshine and rainbows out my butt. I did have a moment again last night when I realized that I don't really know the moms like they know each other. A lot of them grew up in this area together and it is just SO difficult to make friends as adults. When we were kids it was so easy, "You like My Little Pony!? Me too! We are BEST friends!" Done. Now...well, honestly I have no idea how to make friends with these women. *shrug* I want to be included but I don't want to force myself in... *sigh* (bad Mom moment incoming) might help if Ethan was more of a rockstar on the field. I feel like too often he's simply forgotten. And he lets it happen. That could all change this year,'s his 2nd year on the team and there are less kids and he's one of the biggest. Should be interesting...

So, there ya have it.

Oh, and I made my own deviled eggs today with my homemade (Paleo) Ginger Mayo! NOM! A great post-workout snack!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_MSAPRIL17_ 7/31/2012 10:10PM

    Look at that handsome man!!!

I know what you're talking about when it comes to sports (or any activity) and making friends with the other moms. At the beginning of baseball, I sat alone at the end...because I put myself there. I felt younger than most of the moms and I kept thinking they were looking at me like I was a "single parent" because most of them sat there with their families. Turns out, no one was looking at me any way at all. It took a little bit, but I'm now friends with many of them. Even on Tyson's tournament team who he only played with some of those kids once, I still talk to their parents. I enjoy it now. It doesn't intimidate me and the way I look at it is that I'm going to be seeing these same parents for a long time to come. If I can be a little more open, stepping out of my comfort zone, and make the effort, it's hopefully going to make it easier for Tyson (or Jake) to talk to new kids and develop new friendships. So far so good!!
You'll be just fine!! I know you will. :)

Great job on the workouts woman!!! It's funny how when your "free" time shrinks you find the time to get a workout in, but when you have all the time in the world, you are less likely to do it. Wait....I totally just described myself....haha!!!
Way to get it in!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ERIN1128 7/31/2012 12:15PM

    Breaking into a group as a newbie can be a little intimidating, but just remember that you have lots in common wtih them - kids, football, and trying to juggle it all! :-) Glad you're feeling better about everything in general.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BAYBELIEVER 7/31/2012 10:49AM

    I know how you feel about making friends with moms who have been friends for a long time. My dad (!!!) once gave me the advice to just ask about their kid. Who is your kid? What position do they play? Everyone always loves to talk about their kids and it gets a conversation rolling.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Decision Time

Monday, July 30, 2012

I sat with myself all Friday, the tears coming off and on, trying to figure out my next step. I've been frustrated for quite a while now, but Friday it reached an all time high. I just can't keep doing this to myself. I can't take the heartbreak and disappointment any longer. I can't sit here constantly pushing and punishing myself only to STILL fail when the time comes to judge my efforts. It's just too hard. And I don't mean just physically, but emotionally as well.

I'm not going to attempt to explain the frustration to you. You already either get it, or you don't. And maybe some day you'll get there and you'll have a "think back" moment and then you'll get it. I, honest to goodness, wish not one of you actually knew what it felt like to push against a solid wall. And I wish I didn't always have someone when I'm at my wits end promising that they have the magic answer that will solve all my problems.

I feel like Jack with his magic beans here. I have no idea what the next set of beans are going to yield. I'd much rather have my cow back because at least I knew what I was getting with her - milk every single morning...consistently!

So I had to decide what to do. I felt like the most important thing was pulling into myself and putting myself in defensive mode. I know that much more heartbreak would send me into a downward spiral it might take me a very, very long time to pull myself out of. I didn't want to lose everything I had gained from losing weight, and, yes, I really still wanted to lose weight. But I couldn't keep being a "failure". (In my own eyes that's how I felt...and my eyes are really all that matter because I have to live with me every single day.)

Okay, enough delays, right?
Get to the point!

The point is, I've decided that the biggest thing I'm going to change is my thinking.

I'm no longer going to hold myself to the must-haves of this "journey" or whatever the hell you want to call it. (Maybe while I'm rethinking I can rethink a new word that isn't so... *shudders*.) Instead, I'm going to expect that this is the way I live now.

I'm going to allow myself to be who I've become without trying to change myself any more right now. If the weight drops as a result - Great! If not, at least I wasn't pushing so hard and got nowhere, right?

The life I see myself living right now is so different from the one before.
I'm active.
I can sprint across the road if need be.
I'm not exactly shy any longer.
I can crack jokes and smile and feel more confident in myself.
I'm a friggin' GREAT cook!
I workout at least 3-5 days a week to keep my body in good shape.

I'm still going to work on making changes...but a different kind.
I've spent (wasted) the past year putting all my eggs in one basket and trying to lose this weight. And I've got nothing (numberwise from the scale) to show for it. So maybe it's time to start fixing the other parts of my life that need fixing.

So on Friday, I created an off-Spark blog.

It was something I was discussing doing already and had talked to a good friend and my husband about it. This will allow me to branch off into other things and really devote myself to the business of making my life just a little bit better in a variety of different ways.

I hope it also hones my cooking skill as I'd like to start making my OWN recipes to share with other people. I think I've finally made it to that level of understanding in the kitchen.

Plus, this will help me keep track of all my goals, all my recipes/websites, my full meal plan and workout schedule and all of it in one nice, neat little package.

As for weighing in...I haven't quite decided yet. I know that I skipped looking today. Right now I'm thinking I'll check on the morning of the first of August and then I'll put it away for a little bit - maybe until mid-August or even the first of September. Of course, I may break down and look, but I'm hoping by refocusing myself and the areas I want to improve, I won't even really be thinking about my weight.

So that's the plan.

And my raspberries are a little off this AM. :/
Oh, and I moved up to 1500 yards in the pool today and my form is improving, but I needed a couple recovery laps. To be expected...a jump from 1200 to 1500 AND I was working on shorter breaks this go 'round. All in all, not bad. And I was able to get my HRM to read in the pool so I can just log everything in one place if I want to! (I was logging in 3 places and it was getting really out of hand!)

Football practice tonight. Can't wait to see my boy being active again! Stupid summer and stupid video games!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIN1128 7/30/2012 8:26PM

    sounds like a good plan. sounds like it's time to take some of that pressure off yourself. :-)

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRYS210 7/30/2012 5:49PM

    I am still here if you need any help from the Spark side. Give yourself time and things will fall into place.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ATROTTIER 7/30/2012 4:14PM

    I do like that you are doing what is good for you in this moment, I really hope the other blog makes you keep that happy smile!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROMNEY3 7/30/2012 1:54PM

    I like this plan. Give yourself something else to focus on for awhile. Good Luck. I will check out the new blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARUNNINGKAT 7/30/2012 11:58AM

    Sounds like a good plan to live a healthy life! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUGIRL06 7/30/2012 10:50AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
BRIDIE5 7/30/2012 9:38AM

  Sounds like a healthy step to improve your life satisfaction, nd that's huge plus all around!

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 Last Page