Thursday, July 12, 2012
It's time I made a confession to you all. I have no clue how to be "skinny" or "normal" or "fit" or "athletic".
Okay, that's not entirely true. I fully believe that what I'm doing now would easily classify to people as fit and athletic. Normal I will never be. *big grin* It's the skinny part I'm having problems with.
The other day I was surfing around some blogs and forums on another site (GASP! ;) ) and someone posted a thread wherein people were supposed to post former pictures of themselves at a "happy" weight, one which would inspire them to "get back into that shape again." I've heard a lot of people mention when they post things like this that at the time they weren't happy with their bodies and thought they were fat when they really weren't, but that looking back they realize that they'd give just about anything to be back there again knowing what they know now.
This forum post made me a little sad.
I can't relate.
I have no pictures for you of a happy, healthy, bouncy teenage me.
I have no former pictures of myself that inspire me to "get back to what I looked like then" or anything of the sort.
The best I can do is a happy 4-5 year old girl at her Aunt's wedding...as my world began to crumble around me. Even then I was starting to get a little "chubby," but that's the best I've got.
I was so proud to be the flower girl!
Ooh! Check that hair!! *lmao*
I totally got yelled at, by the way, for concentrating too much on the flowers and not looking up as I was walking. But, dude, it was SO important that the flowers were spaced properly! (I was totally OCD even back then! *lol*)
And here I am ignoring everything else and eating what looks like ice cream. Don't friggin' bother me when I'm eating my ice cream, yo!
Problem is, I can't share these in that forum. I can't say, "Yes! I want to get back to this!" What was I then? Like 90 pounds? 100? I have no friggin' clue, honestly. And I didn't rightly care either. And it doesn't matter, because I'm not going back to that. I was FIVE. FIVE! I can't live my adult life trying to get back to where I was when I was five!
But I don't have any other pictures of "happy weights" from my childhood.
I remember wearing a size 16 when I was in the 6th grade.
I remember heading toward a 22-24 when I was in high school. (Which, let's face it, with today's vanity sizing would easily be a 26-28.)
And when I got knocked up at 18 I really just stopped paying attention to weights and sizes altogether. I was done for.
(Ironically, I lost 45 pounds in the first two trimesters of pregnancy with my first child. *lmao* The docs thought there was something seriously wrong with me, and while my amniotic fluid levels were low, my baby and myself were happy and healthy and just fine. Only thing was he curbed my teenage eating habits. I no longer craved sweets. I wanted salad and vegetables and apples and other fruits! I was eating a ton, but losing weight because of the calorie difference -- hello! LIGHTBULB! *lmao*)
I closed the forum page and got a little sad about not being able to "play" or participate.
I have nothing to look back on to move me forward.
I have no wishes to go back in time and realize how good I had it then.
And then a slow smile crossed my face.
Damn good, actually!
I do not WANT to look back!
I want to look forward!
My Hubs always says we drive in the direction in which we're looking.
So I'm going to look straight ahead and DRIVE myself forward!
Because, the secret is, I get to build the body I want.
And when I get there, I won't have to compare myself now to myself then, because there will be no comparison. There will only be the body I didn't care about (back then) as I struggled to make it through life, and the body I fought for (then and NOW!) even through the struggles I faced.
I will admit to having asked my husband a time or two, "What's it like to be skinny?"
He looks at me strangely, but I've really always wondered.
I mean, for people like him who have had it all their lives without trying, they don't understand how to explain their lives to me...because they don't know any different.
And the only thing that got me on a path toward finding that for myself was the realization that when I get there, I will understand how precious it is to have a body that will do EXACTLY what you want it to do.
I'm not talking complicated things like being some Olympic or professional athlete.
Those people work their @sses of for that as well.
I'm talking about the simple things.
Putting on a pair of jeans while standing up.
Tying your shoes.
Crossing your legs.
Jogging across the road before the don't walk light stops blinking and you get smooshed.
Sitting "criss-cross applesauce".
Sitting for long periods of time without experiencing horrible bloating and swelling.
Walking around without people staring at your stomach (unless you're baring it in a midriff because you're just so ripped and you want people to be jealous).
It's time I stopped being scared of what's to come.
It's time I started working toward the body I want so I can finally know what it feels like.
You never know until you try, right?!
This week I can honestly say -
Even though TOM hit about 2 days ago and the bloating has been out of control.
And I fear the scale tomorrow because of it.
I'm noticing positive changes in my body.
First of all, this is the first time in probably my entire life that I recognized the bloat from TOM and my pants being tight and all that other jazz as TOM and nothing more. I didn't automatically jump to "UGH! I must be getting fat again!" There's no friggin' way I could be getting more fat with what I've been doing lately. (Did you know skinny people notice this just about ...uhm...every single month?! *lol*)
Second of all, I'm losing a couple rolls. Very, very slowly, my side rolls are deflating. It's a beautiful, magical thing...especially when your husband comes up behind you and puts his arms around your midsection and you get to feel just a TINY bit closer to him - literally.
Third of all, once again, my fat is starting to become alien to me. My mental fit girl has returned. Oft times I look in the mirror at my belly and think, "Oh, you're still there? I hadn't noticed." Not because I thought I was skinny, but because I was behaving as if it wasn't holding me back. I can decide to let these glimpses in the mirror make me sad, or I can decide that it's my mental fit girl busting out and not allowing my body to make excuses for my ability.
Last night I swam 400 yards without stopping.
And followed that with 200 yards.
And finished up with some shorter laps to end with a grand total of 900 yards for the night.
And I could've done more if not for that d-bag little boy in the pool who thought it was HILARIOUS to flop up and down on a kickboard in order to make waves and churn the water while squeeling, "WAVE POOL!!!" (I swear to God that someone must've been looking out for that kid by holding me back from drowning him...or at least smacking him upside the head a time or two.)
And while I opted out of my workout DVD (in the hopes that I might be able to run tonight if I gave my legs a break last night), I ate relatively well and stretched and gave myself a little rest and went to bed feeling mighty proud of myself.
So I'm going to try to stop being sad for the little girl that didn't know what it was like to be skinny.
It's a waste of my time and energy.
That energy and time would be much better served in the gym, building that body for her and for me, so we can finally know what it's like to work for something hard and long enough and finally accomplish it. So we can cross our legs and skip and do mountain climbers without a smacking belly sound. So we can dance without feeling self-conscious for our body jiggle and only for our lack of rhythm, technique, or general skill.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Last night I managed to get through my entire run, albeit with a tiny bit of hip soreness (need to get a chiro appointment STAT) and then did 1 of the two Rockin' Body routines I had planned. I knew there was no way I was making it through #2 after that run. I always forget how completely sore those can make me...especially in the beginning. After my workout, I immediately set to work on dinner.
Sausage and Cabbage "Noodles" with Fried Apples
Completely Paleo and probably one of the best things I've eaten in a LONG time. Hubs couldn't stop commenting on how amazing it was. This is going into our regular routine! Of course, I doubt my youngest would have eaten it (though he would have eaten the apples I'm sure), but we didn't have to worry about that last night as they went up to G'mas to visit their Great Aunt and Cousin who are in from California for a few days for their annual visit. I came back in the door from my run and heard, "Welp, the boys are gone for a bit." (Mentally, I said: "YAY!" because I knew Ethan couldn't spoil my dinner that way. Sad, I know, but that damn child is so picky and it hurts my feelings when he doesn't eat what I know is both yummy and healthy.)
I didn't eat Paleo all day though. I got hungry again after work (forgot to add tuna to my snack salad after lunch) and ended up with a McChicken sandwich. *face/palm* I know I need to start planning a bit better for these long shifts again, but it's going to be a moot point in a couple weeks. I was actually under on calories for the day, though.
Calories Consumed: 2270
Calories Burned: 747
Net Calories: 1523
That's actually getting dangerously low. The scale was down a bit from yesterday morning, but I have to admit I'm a bit nervous for weigh-in this week. Funny, but this time it's not from not following my plan, but from following it too perfectly and ended up on the lower end of my ranges.
Friday: About 2200 calories consumed, burned 653 = net of 1547
Saturday: About 2565 consumed, burned 440 = net of 2125
Monday: About 2596 consumed, burned 1292 = net of 1304
Tuesday: About 2270 consumed, burned 747 = net of 1523
What I have to keep reminding myself is that I came up with my range (2200-2700) based upon the assumption that I would workout 3-5 hours in the week. So far I've worked out for 254 minutes, or 4 hours and 14 minutes total. There is still tonight and tomorrow's workouts to contend with and I have scheduled another 115 minutes of Rockin' Body and another 60 minutes of other cardio (one swim and one run). That will put me over my assumption by 2 hours. My options are: (1) eat more to make up for the extra exercise, (2) back off the exercise a bit, or (3) just do it and stop thinking so much...and maybe end up with a loss, or maybe a gain, or maybe nothing on the scale on Friday. I have yet to decide what to do, but I know that the intensity of my workouts is going to fade a bit the next 2 days.
I'm beat. My body is sore. My hip is in discomfort, which I'm hoping the chiro will help with, but it means no run tomorrow. I still plan on getting out there and walking the full 30 minutes, but I know better than to run on it right now. My legs are out of sorts, and my shoulders are sore as well. Last week it was my abs screaming, but this week it's mostly my legs and shoulders. So swimming tonight is going to be more relaxed than ever. I'll put my 30 minutes in, and I can't promise I won't push myself a tiny bit, but I'm going to try to soak in the hot tub an extra 5 minutes at least after my swim. And I don't think I'll do more than one RB routine tonight as well. My body needs some rest, so I'm going to back off just a bit.
And as for the eating more thing? Doesn't help that I was late getting out the door again this AM and skipped breakfast...which I NEVER do. *sigh* I have oatmeal in my drawer, but I've been avoiding it. I may just take an early break and run over to Tudors for a Big Tator Platter. It's MOSTLY Paleo...if you don't count the potatoes. *lol* (It's scrambled eggs, bacon, and potatoes.) And I forgot to pack my lunch as well, but that can be solved with a trip to the market or to Tricky Fish for some Shrimp Tacos (which is what I really want today). I'll sort it out, I'm sure...but if there was ever a day to go a tiny bit off plan, I guess today would be that day. I'm just going to try not to go crazy.
So, plan for the rest of the week:
Stay on the higher ends of my range (around 2600-2700)
Turn Thursday's run into a walk
Back off the RB routines just a bit (tonight, I'll do Rock It Out and tomorrow I'll hit the Dance Groove routine)
Don't give up and stay focused
That and call to see if the Chiro can fit me in on Friday.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Today the scale was mean to me...and I know why.
about 24 minutes at the gym pool (about 504 yards)
followed by 3 Rockin' Body routines
Total calories burned for the day?
As for my food intake? Well...I wasn't exactly "good"...but I can't classify it as "bad" either.
Breakfast - Sausage McMuffin from McD's
Okay, so that wasn't all that good...but I was super late for work already and ...what can I say?
Snacks - 1 apple, 1 pear, 2 Lindor truffles, 1 20oz Sobe Water with Coconut Water thingy
*snort* I don't see the truffles as a real "bad" thing as long as I don't binge on them.
Lunch - a serving of delish Beef & Vegetable Chili from paleoplan.com
Yum! Healthy leftovers! My favorite lunchtime treat!
Dinner - Subway 12" Cold Cut Combo with lots of lettuce, lots of pickles and some light mayo
Okay, so that's not exactly ideal...but that's exactly what I wanted...and I had the calories for it. I had just gotten out of the gym and was on my way home for another workout...the big one...the 85 minute one. I didn't see the point in starving myself only to go home and binge on cereal...which I know is what probably would've happened. So I got a subway sub and enjoyed every blasted bite.
Dinner 2 - 2 hot dogs on buns with ketchup and mustard
I honestly didn't believe I was still hungry yesterday when I got home...AFTER the sub...and BEFORE the final workout. But I was. So I ate. And then I sat on my butt for about 40 minutes before doing what I knew needed to be done.
Shaun T's Dance Party - 45 minutes - CHECK!
Booty Time - 40 minutes - making up for last week - CHECK!
Hardcore Abs - 10 minutes - CHECK!
I left my HRM running through breaks as I changed through the DVDs, so it totaled 87 minutes and 901 calories burned...more than 30% of them from fat.
All in all, I came out very ahead for the day.
And today? I feel a bit sore, but nothing like I had expected.
Of course, this will likely all hit tomorrow, which is fine for me because I have stuff to do tonight!
I WAS a little bummed at my poor performance at the pool last night, but that all melted away after my second workout. I was tired. My muscles were sore. I worked through discomfort that was NOT pain like I knew I could. I hydrated like a beast. And I came out a champion.
And I don't plan on repeating that kind of intensity in a workout for at least a few more weeks! *lol* I'm going to take it steady and slow for the rest of the week. I'm still going to do my scheduled workouts, but last night was supposed to be the "Come in like a lion" day of the week, so I can manage the rest just fine.
As for my runs? We shall see how my legs hold up. I'm scheduled to do my first week of week 2 C25k again tonight (I'm doing each week at least twice). My knees are a little wonky/stiff right now and my calves have been tightening up a bit. I stretched a lot last night and will again today, but I've already promised myself to complete the workout...even if I have to walk the entire thing. I can walk more than 2 miles without problems, so if the running is really too much, instead of giving up, I'm going to speed walk the rest...or just walk...or leisurely stroll...or crawl. Whatever I need to do to give myself the consistency I need right now. And I'll fight through the next RB routine tonight. It's nothing too bad...Party Express and Dance Groove. Dance Groove is a bit evil, but it's only 60 minutes tonight and I won't stop unless I collapse like I did last week. I proved to myself yesterday that I have more in me now. And that came only after the week I had last week, and my body telling me I had none left.
I'm using the momentum.
I refuse to back down.
Even if I go slow. Even if I take breaks. Even if I have to break up the routine into 5 minute increments with 5 minute breaks in between. I just need to show myself that I can get through it.
And all this I will do with the knowledge that tomorrow will be even better.
Laps again at the pool. I plan on sticking out the 30 minutes, even if I have to go slow or try a different stroke. Followed by only 45 minutes at home.
I know some of you are wondering why I push myself so hard.
You think I'm punishing myself.
But that's not it. Not at all.
To me, it's not about punishment - it's about accomplishment.
I'm not punishing my body...I'm letting it prove to me that it has more in it than I constantly give it credit for.
I'm showing myself that I can keep going even when it seems like it's hard.
Because too often in the past year or so, I've given up when it got hard.
I've backed down off the fight.
And that's just not who I am.
This is me being kind to myself.
I'm not telling myself that I have to be 100% all the time.
I'm going back to my rule that all I have to do is show up and stick it out for the time allotted.
And not for pounds on the scale or inches off the waist.
None of that matters each time I do it.
It's the pride I feel in completing something.
It's the pure sense of knowing that I can, when others have counted me out.
It may be foolish, but it's what's working for me.
Many times in this journey I've asked myself how I'm going to keep this up the rest of my life.
Because that's what I have to look forward to. This isn't some diet phase of my life...it's something I have to learn to commit to for the long haul - until the grave finds me.
There's no use fretting over the blessings I didn't receive, the curses I feel have touched me.
No, I cannot eat whatever I want and maintain a slammin' physique.
No, I will never know what it's like to be a skinny teen.
But I have to go back to why I started this. So I could do whatever the hell I wanted to do without anyone telling me I couldn't because of my weight.
Sure, there may be other reasons to not do things, but my weight and fitness level will NOT be one of them. Not if I have anything to do with it.
And I do.
I have everything to do with it.
And I'm doing it.
So, yes, I'm pushing hard this week.
And, no, I can't see myself pushing this hard every week for the rest of my life.
But I CAN see myself having a few weeks of madness followed by a few months of calm reserve and quiet determination.
I have never been one who was known for standing still.
I must always be moving and changing - improving myself inside and out.
And my focus shifts probably too often for anyone to keep up with.
But I'm not going to fight that any longer.
I'm going to fight the notion in my head that says I have to be a different person to lose weight.
I'm a go hard or go home kinda girl.
And then sometimes I'm just a go home and hide kinda girl.
As long as I can keep the momentum going through both stages and learn how to manage both...both girls will come out alright.
Plan for dinner tonight is Sausage and Cabbage "Noodles" and Fried Apples from everydaypaleo.com. ...maybe.
Other upside I'm celebrating today?
My fruit bowl at home is nearly empty.
The other day Hubs asked, "Do we have anything sweet to munch on?"
I told him no. Then I caught him moments later munching on a peach.
And the fact that the apples are almost gone as well?
Just shows that him and the boys have been reaching in that bowl the past few days instead of into the cupboards for processed non-foodlike-garbage.
Don't worry - Hubs will be just fine.
I'm sure he's eating a Nutty Bar as we speak.
I left those things at his work.
Monday, July 09, 2012
So I've got 2 accountability challenges starting today. Perfect timing too because a horrible toothache/headache and exhaustion from the heat had me thinking I just should skip the workout and go home and sleep. HELL NO! I'm not starting off a challenge like that. Certainly not TWO of them!
=== === === === === ===
SUMMER ACCOUNTABILITY CHALLENGE - Start Card
My starting weight is [309.8]. (6/29)
I'm going to make July and the rest of summer great by [sticking to BOTH my healthy eating and workout plans! No excuses now that there is power and running water!].
My weight loss goal for the summer is [285.8 (by first day of fall - September 22nd)].
My fitness goals for the summer are [C25k (run), 0 to 1650 (swim), Rockin' Body and 30DS (ST)].
My nutrition goals for the summer are [learn to eat mostly Paleo, stop eating out as much, and stay within my calorie goals even when I fall off plan].
I often go off-track when [my workouts aren't working for me].
I am going to remain accountable this summer by [sticking to my workouts, which always helps me stay on track, and checking in here and with several FB accountability partners - AND - WRITING IT DOWN! Making myself write down my progress helps me visualize what's working and what isn't.].
Will you be tracking this summer? [YES!!] If so, what are your daily calorie goals and weekly fitness minute goals?
Daily Calorie Goals - 2100-2750 avg cals per day
Weekly Fitness Minutes - 180-300 minutes per week
Sign here: I, [Esther], pledge to eat wisely and slowly and avoid binging this summer whenever possible. I vow to drink my water and to turn to clean food for snacks as a first resort (fruit, nuts, veggies) but not feel horrible about myself when I eat too many "bad" foods, because it is not the end of the world. Whenever I don't feel like exercising, I will at the very least commit to a brisk walk.
=== === === === === ===
SUMMER ACCOUNTABILITY CHALLENGE WEEK ONE: JULY 9-15
The first week of a challenge is always exciting, but I am going to commit to checking in every week until 9/9.
I need a challenge because [I do NOT want to go hard and burn out. I need to remember that it's a continual process, not just a few days' commitment].
By the end of this week, I want to feel [like I been consistent in my efforts of moving toward my goal].
My big nutrition goal for this week is going to be [eliminating as many grains and dairy and processed foods as possible from my diet].
My big fitness goal for the week is going to be [sticking to my workouts as scheduled - at least 2x in the pool, 3x on runs, and 5x doing ST through Rockin' Body workouts].
My big wellness goal for the week is going to be [getting plenty of sleep each night so I'm ready for the next day].
My biggest challenge in meeting these goals will be [ignoring the pressure I constantly put on myself].
If I meet all my goals this week, I'm going to reward myself with [a trip to ON for something new].
If I don't meet my goals, I'm NOT going to get discouraged and quit. I will count every step forward as progress toward the end game.
=== === === === === ===
The second challenge is with a bunch of people I know and a bunch I don't know on a FB group. I really need to reread the rules and download the Google Doc tonight so I can start recording my workouts. It's a fitness-based challenge wherein we earn points for workouts we do. This should work out (HA! PUN!) great as my burnout last week needs to be built upon, not used as an excuse to give up for a few days.
Activity Types: Cardio, Strength or Combination.
Duration Points: 1 point per 10 minutes of workout with a total of 6 points (1 hour) for each activity and a max of 12 points (2 hours) each day.
Intensity Bonus: Only awarded for high-intensity cardio. You earn 1 bonus point per half hour of HI cardio.
Combination Bonus: Earn this automatically if you do a combination workout (cardio + strength). One point per half hour.
Max points per day: 16
=== === === === === ===
This week's plan:
Monday - Laps W3D1 & Rockin' Body (BT (40) + STDP (45) + HCA (10) = 95 mins)
Tuesday - C25k W2D1 & Rockin' Body (PE (25) + DG (35) = 60 mins)
Wednesday - Laps W3D1 & Rockin' Body (RIO = 45 mins)
Thursday - C25k W2D2 & Rockin' Body (PE (25) + HCA (10) = 35 mins)
Friday - Yoga DVD (30m) & Rockin' Body (STDP = 45 mins)
Saturday - C25k W2D3 (Rockin' Body ONLY if I feel up to it)
Lap and run time is usually around 30 minutes, so we're looking at:
Monday - 30m cardio, 95m combo = 11pts
Tuesday - 30m cardio, 60m combo = 11pts
Wednesday - 30m cardio, 45m combo = 8pts
Thursday - 30m cardio, 35m combo = 7pts
Friday - 30m strength, 45m combo = 8pts
Saturday - 30m cardio = 3pts
Goal: 48 points
25+ = bubble bath
35+ = new nail polish color + bubble bath
45+ = new polish + skin care item + bubble bath
48+ = new polish + skin care item + bubble bath + item from Old Navy
Also on the agenda for this week -
* Lots of healthy Paleo cooking. I made a beef and veg chili yesterday that was amazing!
* Ethan's pool party on Saturday.
* And probably the drive-in on Friday night...we're going to have to make sure I either have ROOM for some unhealthy foods, or I pack a bunch of friggin' fruits and veggies to munch on! *lol*
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Only trust people who like big butts...they cannot lie.
Happy Weekend everyone!
So far so good for me. I had a minor meltdown last night. Okay, strike that. I had a MAJOR meltdown last night, collapsing after the first 25 minute workout and before the 40 minute one that was to follow and crying into the blanket on the couch. It was a major breaking point for me...and a huge boost to my feeling of support from those closest to me as my cat rubbed up against me and meowed for me to stop crying, my husband rubbed my sweat-drenched back and told me over and over again that I was NOT, as I was insisting at the time, a "loser," and my youngest son combing back my hair with his fingers and telling me how proud I should be of myself for what I had done.
Truth is? I broke.
My body was sore. Exhausted. Done.
And my mind was right behind.
After work I went to the gym with the small pool. I HATE that pool. The water is murky and you can't see the bottom. You can't even see the side when you get close to it. What IS that? That's gross! And the two women doing...well, I THINK they were trying to do water aerobics but from what I saw they were just standing at the side of the pool talking, blocking any chance I had to do long lengths of the tiny pool...well, they were just MAPP (more annoying pool people). I could've just given in and given up. I had no clue the length of the pool - and those two women were not about to give up their spots so I could do anything resembling laps down the length of it. So I took the short side. Almost ridiculous how short across it was. I didn't even need to take a breath to cross it. (Of course, my air supply is impressive anyhow thanks to years of singing.) I felt lost, but not defeated. I went on do to about 30 fast laps, then did 12, then 8, then 6, then 4. I went all out. I figured I'd work on my breathing and my form and my speed and forget the distance for one day. Even when one of those women came down and walked right in my path for NO apparent reason *roll eyes*, I kept going until I felt I was done. Then I soaked for about 5 minutes in the hot tub to relax my tired muscles, stretched, and got changed to go home...where I was set to workout for another hour.
I KNEW this week was going to be a challenge...but I also knew I needed to challenge both my body and my mental image of what it was possible for me to do. I need this every once in a while. I need a full on push. No excuses. Just GO! It's the only way I realize if I've improved my stamina. The only way I challenge my muscles to build up some stamina power of their own. I honestly don't know that I've EVER pushed it this hard before.
And I might have been alright had I fueled properly. But Hubs went out with the guys when I most needed to be next to him (totally not his fault) and I took the boys out to eat, where I gave in to all my dairy and starch and grain cravings - okay, not all of them, but a few too many. And I felt the effects of that almost immediately. My body starting shutting down in the grocery store. I was almost to the point where I could fall asleep standing up. We finally made it home and I actually paid my oldest 2 bucks to put the groceries away for me while I collapsed on the couch.
But it was one of those "Unless you puke, faint, or die - Don't Quit!" days. So around 10pm, I rolled off the couch and put on my workout clothes and started my Rockin' Body routines for the day. But after the 25 minutes of Party Express? I knew I was done. My leg was cramped up from toe to knee. My body was screaming at me and I knew I needed to listen...as much as I didn't want to. So I did fall into a heap on the couch. I didn't puke or faint or die, but I collapsed into a heap and broke down sobbing and that's when I knew I was done. I couldn't hold it together any longer. I had reached my breaking point.
It was just the message I needed to see this morning. And it's SO true.
I woke up this morning 2 pounds heavier (no doubt from overtraining) and, yet, much lighter. I reached my breaking point, had a meltdown, got the support and sleep I needed, and then moved the hell on. Because THAT is what you have to do in these situations. MOVE THE HELL ON!
I started this morning with a yummy scrambled egg dish with Italian sausage, onions, red pepper, and mushrooms (and a dash of cayenne pepper...a new trick I've learned). I shared it with Hubs over some coffee. And then I got on my workout clothes and went out for my scheduled run.
And even when my app messed up and I had to start over about 8 minutes in...
...it didn't break me.
And even when the sweat stung my eyes and I realized I'd forgotten my Bondiband...
...it didn't break me.
And even when I started feeling the heat and my toes started hurting a bit as I realized I should've never gone that far in new shoes...
...it didn't break me.
Because I was already broken.
And I had moved the hell on.
I came home, downed a crapton of water, stretched, and sat down with a bowl of almonds and dark chocolate as a post-workout treat.
I'm rebuilding. I'm okay. I'm still here.
It broke me...but it didn't crush me.
And that was the lesson I learned. (That and the one at the top of the screen. *lol*)
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