Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Yesterday was not a good day.
I do not get any stars for my chart.
I attempted laps in the lap pool, but after 5 was kicked out due to thunder outside.
Instead of refocusing, I got annoyed and gave up for the day.
Damage is done...hopefully not too much.
Need to get back into my RB routines so I can continue to see my middle shrink.
The hardest part for me lately has been trying not to focus on how much I hate how my body looks right now.
Three more days of work.
Four more days of hard workouts before fun activities this weekend.
Gotta keep my focus or I'll go into this weekend with shame, regret, and guilt and won't be able to enjoy any of it.
Second hardest part is my ultimate fear of the scale.
After months of not moving at all, followed by three solid weeks of progress, I am still not down to the lowest I saw during my plateau and still fear I will yo-yo back up again.
305 is perhaps one of the scariest weights for me right now.
And fear can be paralyzing.
I have to learn how to break through and move forward now or I might never be able to.
I hate feeling scared and anxious.
And TOM is not helping me AT ALL.
I feel like I'm fighting to swim upstream through raging rapids.
(Note: With the depo, I go months without noticing anything, and then I'll get hit with one of those awful TOM that is slow and steady and painful for days or, sometimes, weeks. I'm hoping this one lets go after today.)
Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
But it is easier to end a week saying, "I did all that I could" than it is to end it in shame knowing I am the cause of my failures.
Let the weight sort itself out while I move forward.
Monday, July 16, 2012
So, where did we leave off? Oh, right. My confessional that I don't know how to be "skinny"... I learned this weekend that I don't remember how to be THAT fat either, which was a very good lesson to learn. :) I've been floating between this same weight range for so long, which is frustrating to say the LEAST for my weightloss efforts, but which also means I've gotten accustomed, finally, to life at this weight. I know this is what my body is always trying to do when I get to these big plateaus, and I figured as much in the beginning. I just wish it hadn't taken me QUITE this long. *lol*
Still, would an almost 500 pound woman volunteer to take 3 boys, all under the age of 12, for an all-day adventure in the city ALONE? Uhm, no.
Would that same woman be able not only to walk around all day non-stop with those 3 boys, but be fit enough to actually participate in the fun? Again...no.
So as frustrating as it may be to be 300 pounds still...I realized this weekend just how glad I am it's not still 400. (Took me long enough, right?!)
First, let's get this out of the way from Friday:
=== === === === === ===
Weight Last Week: 308.2
Weight This Week: 305.8
Loss of: 2.4 pounds!
Not too shabby! ;)
AND I lost about 1/2 a percentage of body fat again, though I'm struggling with the same percentage still because of some inconsistency in previous weeks.
As far as my challenges go:
Lose 5% -
The goal was to lose 5% in either body fat % OR weight by the end of July. I got off track there a bit, but that's okay. I can extend the deadline for this goal and keep working on that same 5%. I started off at 309.8 and 47.1%. Now with the body fat % I'm at about 47.3 right now, so no luck there. HOWEVER, with the weight I'm down to 305.8...a loss of 4 pounds. (Moving in the right direction! WOOT!) The goal of 5% would mean a loss of 15.5 pounds from that original number, so a goal weight of 294.3, so I still have 11.5 pounds to go to reach this goal.
Summer Accountability Challenge -
The goal is 285 by September 22. That means I need another 20 pounds in the next 10 weeks. That's tight, but still doable. I'd be alright with another 10-15 though and still be PLENTY happy with that! (Honestly anywhere between the goal above and this goal would make me so giddy with excitement and would be proof that I have broken through that plateau and can move forward.)
=== === === === === ===
Okay, now on to the fun stuff! ;)
So Friday went alright. I did not do my scheduled workout for 2 reasons. 1) I was running around like a chicken sans head. 2) I had a chiro appointment around 4pm. By Tuesday of last week I started to notice my hip/pelvic pain/soreness/stiffness had returned on my right side. I knew I needed to get in for another adjustment, so I scheduled an appointment and was in to see CC (Cute Chiro) by 4pm on Friday. He said it wasn't too bad and he was glad I chose to come in as soon as I started noticing the discomfort. He thinks by the end of this week things should feel a LOT better, but instructed me to ice after every workout this week. (I forget this way too much, so I need to stay on top of it this week!)
I did get the grocery shopping done and am better learning how to eat Paleo on a budget. My bill for groceries went down $50 this week without having to sacrifice my eating plan.
And this weekend, we got to try yet another new dish in my house.
Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs
I think this recipe is from PaleOMG.com. If you can't find it there, let me know and I'll try to track it down again (my notes are at home).
SO good! SO filling! The meatballs are a TAD too spicy for us, but we'll just lower the amount of red pepper flakes next time to 3/4 or 1/2 tsp and it should be just perfect. Even my VERY picky 10-year-old devoured this!
Saturday I took on one of the biggest challenges I've faced in a while. Three boys all under the age of 12. Hubs' aunt had a son later in life (she's not THAT old, she just had her son much later than Hubs' mom had him) so he fits right in with my boys. Logan is 12. JL (their 2nd cousin) is 11. Ethan is 10. Kinda funny how that works out! *lol* This cousin of theirs lives out in California - all the way across the country, but thankfully, they visit for about a week once every summer and all the boys have been able to grow up together. I think this was their best year yet as they're all learning to appreciate what little time they have to play and they've all developed very similar interests. Hubs' aunt kept hinting that she wouldn't mind a little time alone with her family and I knew she'd been picking up my boys all week to hang out with their cousin for the day (I was at work), so I offered to take Saturday.
I took all three boys to the Clay Center in Charleston, which is a small science museum. (Small for me...I grew up in Columbus with COSI! *lol*) There is a planitarium there, which is always fun, so we had a FULL day planned. We got to the Clay Center around 11am, got out tickets, and headed off to explore. We checked out every single area they had, watched a show on bears, and then watched the planitarium show on Jupiter (VERY interesting). After a long day there, we finally left around 3pm and I took the boys to the mall to eat at the food court and shop for something cool to take home. (They took out the museum's gift shop about 2 years ago...totally bummed the kids out to learn that...me too, actually!) It was a LONG day, but everyone got along great, I got to know my sorta cousin, and the boys all had a blast! (Logan slept on the way back and JL kept complaining to his mom later how tired he was *lol*)
Here are some highlights:
See?! I wouldn't have even chanced that 100 pounds ago. And good thing too because I'm sure I wouldn't have fit either. I raised myself almost all the way to the top of the pulley. Ethan said, "You've got those strong muscles, Mom! You can do this no problem!" *lol* They always have more faith in me than I have in myself.
This is JL. I learned he's a great kid with a wonderful sense of humor. ;)
All 3 boys in the Hurricane Simulator. I told them I already did that...a few weeks ago when that storm blew through and we lost power for almost a week. *lol*
Logan and I. I love that my 12 year old still randomly hugs me and is always willing to take a quick pic with me just for the fun of it.
All three kids actually working together on one goal! SHOCKING! *lol*
The old me wouldn't have even TRIED to squeeze all 4 of us in the photo booth. The new me said, "Let's do it!" and we did. *lol*
My absolute FAV pics from this weekend. Three great kids being silly.
Okay...maybe this one is my favorite. *lmao* Anyone who knows Jenna Marbles (YouTube) will understand this one. For everyone else...you won't laugh QUITE as hard, but it should still be good for a chuckle. I love my kids! :)
By the end of the day I was pooped! We rushed home and got our swim gear as Ethan's football team was set to have a pool party from 6-8pm. Too bad a storm was blowing past and none of the kids got to swim. *pouts*
We were home by 7:30pm and I vegged out for the rest of the night. T-I-R-E-D! *lol*
Sunday I worked with the Hubs, which ended up being boring for the most part, and then we went to a cookout at my MIL's house, which Hubs and I ended up leaving early because we were both exhausted.
So, yea...long weekend.
Did I get all my workouts in?
Do I hate myself for it?
I had to back off on the Rockin' Body because of the hip shaking. I have to be careful of things like Zumba and other dance routines when my alignment is out of whack.
As for my Sunday run? I swapped it out for about 5 hours walking around the Clay Center and the Mall chasing around 3 boys. I think that's a fair trade.
I'm going back at it again this week with the same goals, but with the understanding that I'm healing from my adjustment and may have to take it a little slower than full-speed-ahead.
I'm also going into it with hope for this weekend! My kids are being picked up by my mom on Thursday morning to go down to see my neices in SC. They will be gone Thursday through Monday, so the Hubs and I have a weekend to ourselves. It took us ALL WEEK to figure out what we wanted to do, but I think we've sorted out a couple fun, active, and romantic days Saturday and Sunday. That means my weekend workouts will have to adapt a little bit (in fact, like this weekend, it will probably include a lot of walking that I won't even log as exercise), and my eating plan will be a little more flexible to accommodate, but I'm not too worried. Next weigh-in is Friday, anyhow...so technically, all this will go to next week's account! *lol*
Still sticking to around 2400 calories daily average.
Still eating mostly Paleo. (I went off this for sure this weekend and PAID FOR IT! UGH!)
Monday - Laps & RB
Tuesday - C25k W2D1 (again) & RB
Wednesday - Laps & RB
Thursday - C25k W2D2 (again) & RB
Friday - RB
REMEMBER -- STRETCH AND ICE!!!!!!
* Sleep more
* Plan this weekend with flexibility in the plans
* Prep for a Friday shopping trip to ON
* Get some work done
* Relax and READ!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
It's time I made a confession to you all. I have no clue how to be "skinny" or "normal" or "fit" or "athletic".
Okay, that's not entirely true. I fully believe that what I'm doing now would easily classify to people as fit and athletic. Normal I will never be. *big grin* It's the skinny part I'm having problems with.
The other day I was surfing around some blogs and forums on another site (GASP! ;) ) and someone posted a thread wherein people were supposed to post former pictures of themselves at a "happy" weight, one which would inspire them to "get back into that shape again." I've heard a lot of people mention when they post things like this that at the time they weren't happy with their bodies and thought they were fat when they really weren't, but that looking back they realize that they'd give just about anything to be back there again knowing what they know now.
This forum post made me a little sad.
I can't relate.
I have no pictures for you of a happy, healthy, bouncy teenage me.
I have no former pictures of myself that inspire me to "get back to what I looked like then" or anything of the sort.
The best I can do is a happy 4-5 year old girl at her Aunt's wedding...as my world began to crumble around me. Even then I was starting to get a little "chubby," but that's the best I've got.
I was so proud to be the flower girl!
Ooh! Check that hair!! *lmao*
I totally got yelled at, by the way, for concentrating too much on the flowers and not looking up as I was walking. But, dude, it was SO important that the flowers were spaced properly! (I was totally OCD even back then! *lol*)
And here I am ignoring everything else and eating what looks like ice cream. Don't friggin' bother me when I'm eating my ice cream, yo!
Problem is, I can't share these in that forum. I can't say, "Yes! I want to get back to this!" What was I then? Like 90 pounds? 100? I have no friggin' clue, honestly. And I didn't rightly care either. And it doesn't matter, because I'm not going back to that. I was FIVE. FIVE! I can't live my adult life trying to get back to where I was when I was five!
But I don't have any other pictures of "happy weights" from my childhood.
I remember wearing a size 16 when I was in the 6th grade.
I remember heading toward a 22-24 when I was in high school. (Which, let's face it, with today's vanity sizing would easily be a 26-28.)
And when I got knocked up at 18 I really just stopped paying attention to weights and sizes altogether. I was done for.
(Ironically, I lost 45 pounds in the first two trimesters of pregnancy with my first child. *lmao* The docs thought there was something seriously wrong with me, and while my amniotic fluid levels were low, my baby and myself were happy and healthy and just fine. Only thing was he curbed my teenage eating habits. I no longer craved sweets. I wanted salad and vegetables and apples and other fruits! I was eating a ton, but losing weight because of the calorie difference -- hello! LIGHTBULB! *lmao*)
I closed the forum page and got a little sad about not being able to "play" or participate.
I have nothing to look back on to move me forward.
I have no wishes to go back in time and realize how good I had it then.
And then a slow smile crossed my face.
Damn good, actually!
I do not WANT to look back!
I want to look forward!
My Hubs always says we drive in the direction in which we're looking.
So I'm going to look straight ahead and DRIVE myself forward!
Because, the secret is, I get to build the body I want.
And when I get there, I won't have to compare myself now to myself then, because there will be no comparison. There will only be the body I didn't care about (back then) as I struggled to make it through life, and the body I fought for (then and NOW!) even through the struggles I faced.
I will admit to having asked my husband a time or two, "What's it like to be skinny?"
He looks at me strangely, but I've really always wondered.
I mean, for people like him who have had it all their lives without trying, they don't understand how to explain their lives to me...because they don't know any different.
And the only thing that got me on a path toward finding that for myself was the realization that when I get there, I will understand how precious it is to have a body that will do EXACTLY what you want it to do.
I'm not talking complicated things like being some Olympic or professional athlete.
Those people work their @sses of for that as well.
I'm talking about the simple things.
Putting on a pair of jeans while standing up.
Tying your shoes.
Crossing your legs.
Jogging across the road before the don't walk light stops blinking and you get smooshed.
Sitting "criss-cross applesauce".
Sitting for long periods of time without experiencing horrible bloating and swelling.
Walking around without people staring at your stomach (unless you're baring it in a midriff because you're just so ripped and you want people to be jealous).
It's time I stopped being scared of what's to come.
It's time I started working toward the body I want so I can finally know what it feels like.
You never know until you try, right?!
This week I can honestly say -
Even though TOM hit about 2 days ago and the bloating has been out of control.
And I fear the scale tomorrow because of it.
I'm noticing positive changes in my body.
First of all, this is the first time in probably my entire life that I recognized the bloat from TOM and my pants being tight and all that other jazz as TOM and nothing more. I didn't automatically jump to "UGH! I must be getting fat again!" There's no friggin' way I could be getting more fat with what I've been doing lately. (Did you know skinny people notice this just about ...uhm...every single month?! *lol*)
Second of all, I'm losing a couple rolls. Very, very slowly, my side rolls are deflating. It's a beautiful, magical thing...especially when your husband comes up behind you and puts his arms around your midsection and you get to feel just a TINY bit closer to him - literally.
Third of all, once again, my fat is starting to become alien to me. My mental fit girl has returned. Oft times I look in the mirror at my belly and think, "Oh, you're still there? I hadn't noticed." Not because I thought I was skinny, but because I was behaving as if it wasn't holding me back. I can decide to let these glimpses in the mirror make me sad, or I can decide that it's my mental fit girl busting out and not allowing my body to make excuses for my ability.
Last night I swam 400 yards without stopping.
And followed that with 200 yards.
And finished up with some shorter laps to end with a grand total of 900 yards for the night.
And I could've done more if not for that d-bag little boy in the pool who thought it was HILARIOUS to flop up and down on a kickboard in order to make waves and churn the water while squeeling, "WAVE POOL!!!" (I swear to God that someone must've been looking out for that kid by holding me back from drowning him...or at least smacking him upside the head a time or two.)
And while I opted out of my workout DVD (in the hopes that I might be able to run tonight if I gave my legs a break last night), I ate relatively well and stretched and gave myself a little rest and went to bed feeling mighty proud of myself.
So I'm going to try to stop being sad for the little girl that didn't know what it was like to be skinny.
It's a waste of my time and energy.
That energy and time would be much better served in the gym, building that body for her and for me, so we can finally know what it's like to work for something hard and long enough and finally accomplish it. So we can cross our legs and skip and do mountain climbers without a smacking belly sound. So we can dance without feeling self-conscious for our body jiggle and only for our lack of rhythm, technique, or general skill.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Last night I managed to get through my entire run, albeit with a tiny bit of hip soreness (need to get a chiro appointment STAT) and then did 1 of the two Rockin' Body routines I had planned. I knew there was no way I was making it through #2 after that run. I always forget how completely sore those can make me...especially in the beginning. After my workout, I immediately set to work on dinner.
Sausage and Cabbage "Noodles" with Fried Apples
Completely Paleo and probably one of the best things I've eaten in a LONG time. Hubs couldn't stop commenting on how amazing it was. This is going into our regular routine! Of course, I doubt my youngest would have eaten it (though he would have eaten the apples I'm sure), but we didn't have to worry about that last night as they went up to G'mas to visit their Great Aunt and Cousin who are in from California for a few days for their annual visit. I came back in the door from my run and heard, "Welp, the boys are gone for a bit." (Mentally, I said: "YAY!" because I knew Ethan couldn't spoil my dinner that way. Sad, I know, but that damn child is so picky and it hurts my feelings when he doesn't eat what I know is both yummy and healthy.)
I didn't eat Paleo all day though. I got hungry again after work (forgot to add tuna to my snack salad after lunch) and ended up with a McChicken sandwich. *face/palm* I know I need to start planning a bit better for these long shifts again, but it's going to be a moot point in a couple weeks. I was actually under on calories for the day, though.
Calories Consumed: 2270
Calories Burned: 747
Net Calories: 1523
That's actually getting dangerously low. The scale was down a bit from yesterday morning, but I have to admit I'm a bit nervous for weigh-in this week. Funny, but this time it's not from not following my plan, but from following it too perfectly and ended up on the lower end of my ranges.
Friday: About 2200 calories consumed, burned 653 = net of 1547
Saturday: About 2565 consumed, burned 440 = net of 2125
Monday: About 2596 consumed, burned 1292 = net of 1304
Tuesday: About 2270 consumed, burned 747 = net of 1523
What I have to keep reminding myself is that I came up with my range (2200-2700) based upon the assumption that I would workout 3-5 hours in the week. So far I've worked out for 254 minutes, or 4 hours and 14 minutes total. There is still tonight and tomorrow's workouts to contend with and I have scheduled another 115 minutes of Rockin' Body and another 60 minutes of other cardio (one swim and one run). That will put me over my assumption by 2 hours. My options are: (1) eat more to make up for the extra exercise, (2) back off the exercise a bit, or (3) just do it and stop thinking so much...and maybe end up with a loss, or maybe a gain, or maybe nothing on the scale on Friday. I have yet to decide what to do, but I know that the intensity of my workouts is going to fade a bit the next 2 days.
I'm beat. My body is sore. My hip is in discomfort, which I'm hoping the chiro will help with, but it means no run tomorrow. I still plan on getting out there and walking the full 30 minutes, but I know better than to run on it right now. My legs are out of sorts, and my shoulders are sore as well. Last week it was my abs screaming, but this week it's mostly my legs and shoulders. So swimming tonight is going to be more relaxed than ever. I'll put my 30 minutes in, and I can't promise I won't push myself a tiny bit, but I'm going to try to soak in the hot tub an extra 5 minutes at least after my swim. And I don't think I'll do more than one RB routine tonight as well. My body needs some rest, so I'm going to back off just a bit.
And as for the eating more thing? Doesn't help that I was late getting out the door again this AM and skipped breakfast...which I NEVER do. *sigh* I have oatmeal in my drawer, but I've been avoiding it. I may just take an early break and run over to Tudors for a Big Tator Platter. It's MOSTLY Paleo...if you don't count the potatoes. *lol* (It's scrambled eggs, bacon, and potatoes.) And I forgot to pack my lunch as well, but that can be solved with a trip to the market or to Tricky Fish for some Shrimp Tacos (which is what I really want today). I'll sort it out, I'm sure...but if there was ever a day to go a tiny bit off plan, I guess today would be that day. I'm just going to try not to go crazy.
So, plan for the rest of the week:
Stay on the higher ends of my range (around 2600-2700)
Turn Thursday's run into a walk
Back off the RB routines just a bit (tonight, I'll do Rock It Out and tomorrow I'll hit the Dance Groove routine)
Don't give up and stay focused
That and call to see if the Chiro can fit me in on Friday.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Today the scale was mean to me...and I know why.
about 24 minutes at the gym pool (about 504 yards)
followed by 3 Rockin' Body routines
Total calories burned for the day?
As for my food intake? Well...I wasn't exactly "good"...but I can't classify it as "bad" either.
Breakfast - Sausage McMuffin from McD's
Okay, so that wasn't all that good...but I was super late for work already and ...what can I say?
Snacks - 1 apple, 1 pear, 2 Lindor truffles, 1 20oz Sobe Water with Coconut Water thingy
*snort* I don't see the truffles as a real "bad" thing as long as I don't binge on them.
Lunch - a serving of delish Beef & Vegetable Chili from paleoplan.com
Yum! Healthy leftovers! My favorite lunchtime treat!
Dinner - Subway 12" Cold Cut Combo with lots of lettuce, lots of pickles and some light mayo
Okay, so that's not exactly ideal...but that's exactly what I wanted...and I had the calories for it. I had just gotten out of the gym and was on my way home for another workout...the big one...the 85 minute one. I didn't see the point in starving myself only to go home and binge on cereal...which I know is what probably would've happened. So I got a subway sub and enjoyed every blasted bite.
Dinner 2 - 2 hot dogs on buns with ketchup and mustard
I honestly didn't believe I was still hungry yesterday when I got home...AFTER the sub...and BEFORE the final workout. But I was. So I ate. And then I sat on my butt for about 40 minutes before doing what I knew needed to be done.
Shaun T's Dance Party - 45 minutes - CHECK!
Booty Time - 40 minutes - making up for last week - CHECK!
Hardcore Abs - 10 minutes - CHECK!
I left my HRM running through breaks as I changed through the DVDs, so it totaled 87 minutes and 901 calories burned...more than 30% of them from fat.
All in all, I came out very ahead for the day.
And today? I feel a bit sore, but nothing like I had expected.
Of course, this will likely all hit tomorrow, which is fine for me because I have stuff to do tonight!
I WAS a little bummed at my poor performance at the pool last night, but that all melted away after my second workout. I was tired. My muscles were sore. I worked through discomfort that was NOT pain like I knew I could. I hydrated like a beast. And I came out a champion.
And I don't plan on repeating that kind of intensity in a workout for at least a few more weeks! *lol* I'm going to take it steady and slow for the rest of the week. I'm still going to do my scheduled workouts, but last night was supposed to be the "Come in like a lion" day of the week, so I can manage the rest just fine.
As for my runs? We shall see how my legs hold up. I'm scheduled to do my first week of week 2 C25k again tonight (I'm doing each week at least twice). My knees are a little wonky/stiff right now and my calves have been tightening up a bit. I stretched a lot last night and will again today, but I've already promised myself to complete the workout...even if I have to walk the entire thing. I can walk more than 2 miles without problems, so if the running is really too much, instead of giving up, I'm going to speed walk the rest...or just walk...or leisurely stroll...or crawl. Whatever I need to do to give myself the consistency I need right now. And I'll fight through the next RB routine tonight. It's nothing too bad...Party Express and Dance Groove. Dance Groove is a bit evil, but it's only 60 minutes tonight and I won't stop unless I collapse like I did last week. I proved to myself yesterday that I have more in me now. And that came only after the week I had last week, and my body telling me I had none left.
I'm using the momentum.
I refuse to back down.
Even if I go slow. Even if I take breaks. Even if I have to break up the routine into 5 minute increments with 5 minute breaks in between. I just need to show myself that I can get through it.
And all this I will do with the knowledge that tomorrow will be even better.
Laps again at the pool. I plan on sticking out the 30 minutes, even if I have to go slow or try a different stroke. Followed by only 45 minutes at home.
I know some of you are wondering why I push myself so hard.
You think I'm punishing myself.
But that's not it. Not at all.
To me, it's not about punishment - it's about accomplishment.
I'm not punishing my body...I'm letting it prove to me that it has more in it than I constantly give it credit for.
I'm showing myself that I can keep going even when it seems like it's hard.
Because too often in the past year or so, I've given up when it got hard.
I've backed down off the fight.
And that's just not who I am.
This is me being kind to myself.
I'm not telling myself that I have to be 100% all the time.
I'm going back to my rule that all I have to do is show up and stick it out for the time allotted.
And not for pounds on the scale or inches off the waist.
None of that matters each time I do it.
It's the pride I feel in completing something.
It's the pure sense of knowing that I can, when others have counted me out.
It may be foolish, but it's what's working for me.
Many times in this journey I've asked myself how I'm going to keep this up the rest of my life.
Because that's what I have to look forward to. This isn't some diet phase of my life...it's something I have to learn to commit to for the long haul - until the grave finds me.
There's no use fretting over the blessings I didn't receive, the curses I feel have touched me.
No, I cannot eat whatever I want and maintain a slammin' physique.
No, I will never know what it's like to be a skinny teen.
But I have to go back to why I started this. So I could do whatever the hell I wanted to do without anyone telling me I couldn't because of my weight.
Sure, there may be other reasons to not do things, but my weight and fitness level will NOT be one of them. Not if I have anything to do with it.
And I do.
I have everything to do with it.
And I'm doing it.
So, yes, I'm pushing hard this week.
And, no, I can't see myself pushing this hard every week for the rest of my life.
But I CAN see myself having a few weeks of madness followed by a few months of calm reserve and quiet determination.
I have never been one who was known for standing still.
I must always be moving and changing - improving myself inside and out.
And my focus shifts probably too often for anyone to keep up with.
But I'm not going to fight that any longer.
I'm going to fight the notion in my head that says I have to be a different person to lose weight.
I'm a go hard or go home kinda girl.
And then sometimes I'm just a go home and hide kinda girl.
As long as I can keep the momentum going through both stages and learn how to manage both...both girls will come out alright.
Plan for dinner tonight is Sausage and Cabbage "Noodles" and Fried Apples from everydaypaleo.com. ...maybe.
Other upside I'm celebrating today?
My fruit bowl at home is nearly empty.
The other day Hubs asked, "Do we have anything sweet to munch on?"
I told him no. Then I caught him moments later munching on a peach.
And the fact that the apples are almost gone as well?
Just shows that him and the boys have been reaching in that bowl the past few days instead of into the cupboards for processed non-foodlike-garbage.
Don't worry - Hubs will be just fine.
I'm sure he's eating a Nutty Bar as we speak.
I left those things at his work.
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