Thursday, July 05, 2012
I have good news to report! As of about 2pm on Tuesday, July 3rd, I have power again! WOOT!! I actually called the house to verify this news and when the answering machine came on I left a message of "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" which apparently made the kids giggle like crazy when they came home from grandma's house. ;)
Even though the power was restored about 2pm, it took the entire rest of the night for our little window AC unit to catch up to 4 days of blistering heat cooking the insides of the house. We spent that night eating out one last time (seriously, never realized how "over it" I would be of eating out!) and then grabbed all our meat and other food from Hubs' work fridge/freezer.
Yesterday I had the day off for the holiday, of course, but I simply could not see sitting/standing outside for 2 hours or more...again...just for a parade, so the boys and I opted to just stay home and avoid town altogether for the day. It was nice to be able to be inside, to watch television or watch a movie and to play video games or even just read with a fan blowing on you. More importantly, it was great to finally be able to cook, to wash my hands as many times as I wanted, to brush my teeth properly, and to take a shower whenever I wanted and do laundry too!
Spend 4 days without power and running water and you'll realize just how much you rely upon both, but more on the water.
Tuesday night I pulled out my new workout DVDs and went ahead and did the first 15 minute intro workout.
These are the workout DVDs that my girl, SUGIRL, clued me in on a Groupon for:
The first intro video is called Mark, Move & Groove and just basically teaches you a lot of the basic steps he likes to use in the workouts and how he goes about building a routine. Even though it was just the intro video, Shaun T had me sweating up a storm in just 15 minutes! I even got my HR up to about 150 at one point! And the best part? You're just basically dancing. I'd much rather earn my sweat learning a dance routine than just about anything else...you all know how much I love to dance, right?! ;)
Yesterday I went ahead and started out early with my workout. I popped in Mark, Move & Groove again, and then followed that with Party Express. This combo, and 3 1/2 more weeks worth are laid out in the workout calendar provided with the DVDs. Each day's workout ranges from 40 to 80 minutes with the different combinations. Yesterday's was 40 minutes, and it went by pretty darn fast. I was so busy concentrating on the steps and getting it right and "adding my own groove" to it, that I barely noticed the countdown clock at the bottom.
And, might I add, the idea of having a countdown counter/clock at the bottom of workout DVDs is my single most favorite part of several workout DVDs I do. While some trainers don't like their clients to focus on how long they have left, for me, it's super important. I can push harder if I know there's only 5-10-15-20 minutes left. I can use that to talk myself through the tough parts. I can remind myself how far I've already gone and give myself those little "you're halfway there!" motivational talks. Otherwise, I'm just suffering through a video, groaning through the tough parts and about 96% sure that I "can't" do it and I'll have to quit. When they say there's 5 minutes left and that little voice pops on in my head, though, the time left shuts him right up. "You've got 5 minutes still left in you. Besides, 2 of that will likely be cool down. No problem. You got this!"
Also yesterday, I:
* Cooked a pork loin stew that was fresh, delicious and totally Paleo - without a recipe!
* Cooked up some amazing, healthy taco stuffing, with homemade taco seasoning - also without a recipe! Totally Paleo again! And while the kids ate theirs on whole grain taco shells, I scooped mine on some fresh spinach and chowed down! NOM!
And then I had 2 bowls of cereal.
And a few (yes, few) peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Problem is, I prefer to eat Paleo, but this power outage made me lose the majority of my food supply, and we're tight on cash right now so I'm trying to just muddle through until the weekend. The food I bought on Thursday before the storm was supposed to last almost 2 weeks. Now we only have enough left for a couple days...so I'm getting tight on things I can eat on plan.
That being said, I didn't go over my calories yesterday. So :P
Another bit of good news? 3 of my 4 gym locations are open.
The bad bit? My lap pool is at the one that is closed still. *sigh*
Hopefully next week they'll be back up and running.
One other location has a pool, and I'm considering hitting it up tonight. Either that, or I'll run home and get the boys and take them to the local pool, which is having a "family swim" tonight from 5-7pm.
Also on tonight's agenda? Cooking up salmon cakes and doing Dance Groove and Hard Core Abs (total: 45 minutes). My abs are already hurting from the 2 dance videos I've already tried from the set, so I'm kinda terrified of the HCA routine. BUT...it's only 10 minutes. I can do 10 minutes!
Hope you all had a great 4th! We may not have gone to the parade OR the carnival, but we did watch the fireworks last night. I don't know...the power outage kinda ruined all the joy of the 4th for me this year. Next year we'll try to do it up right, but this year, I needed my house and my AC! *lol*
EDIT: Oh, and as for my weight?! HA! Eating out put me back up to 312, but this morning it was down again to 310. Going to keep drowning myself and water and hope I can come out with a loss this week, even if it's just a little one. I'm not too stressed over it, though. It couldn't really be helped and I did the best I could with what I was given.
Plan for the next 10 days:
7/5 - Laps and RB Dance Groove & Hard Core Abs
7/6 - Laps and RB Party Express & Booty Time
7/7 - Finish up Week 1 of C25k and RB Shaun T's Dance Party & Hard Core Abs
7/8 - REST
7/9 - Laps (moving on to week 3) and RB Party Express & Dance Groove
7/10 - C25k W2D1 and RB Party Express & Hard Core Abs
7/11 - Laps (Week 3) and RB Rock It Out
7/12 - C25k W2D2 and RB Shaun T's Dance Party
7/13 - RB Party Express & Dance Groove
7/14 - C25k W2D3 and RB Shaun T's Dance Party
7/15 - REST
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Confession: I haven't worked out since Friday.
It's not for lack of trying to find the opportunity to do so. It's not for lack of motivation. When you list all the reasons (read: excuses) you can't workout, you never consider this one...or at least, I never did.
As most of you have probably heard, last Friday night our area got hit with a load of storms that were at the level of Tropical Storms in Florida or a massive widespread tornado. I know some people may think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. I don't scare easily when it comes to storms. I lived in Ohio all my childhood. I was raised on tornadoes and sat through quite a few of them either huddled in the basement or (stupidly) watching from behind the front door's window. I have gone through massive rain storms and hail storms that never seem to end and lived through at least one major ice storm. This storm, however, topped them all for me.
The boys and I were at the lake on Friday enjoying ourselves and the wonderful (HOT) weather. I swam laps for 30 minutes and was feeling pretty darn great. I had just settled in with a trashy magazine while the boys were playing in the water when the park ranger came down to "highly suggest" that we all pack up and leave. We followed orders, and I'm really glad we did. The lake is about 40 minutes from our house and I really didn't want to get caught driving in the rain. It wasn't until I was on my way home and quickly checked FB that I saw some posts and pics from my Ohio friends talking about how massive the storm was. I still wasn't TOO worried. Usually these storms lose power when they hit the Ohio river just as they're heading into WV, or they start to break around the hills/mountains as they come in and dissolve into something not too terrifying. This one, however, somehow picked up speed and verocity as it hit the Ohio river and grew into some massive red crescent shape on the radar. And then BOOM!
As the winds blew in, I knew it wasn't a regular storm and quickly moved my car out from under the tree and power lines it usually sits under to right in the middle of my yard. (Call me trailer trash, I don't care! Yes, there is a car in the middle of my yard! *lol*) And then the boys and I were run off the porch by blasting rain and high winds and huddled into the HOT, and now dark house and watched from the only window that was safe to open. I admit to wanting to call my husband to cry, "COME HOME!!" but he called first to check in on us. I admit to jumping and screaming like a little girl when I saw some major event happening just down the street that I can only classify as explosive...and when the sparks flew, I knew it probably wasn't a good thing.
The storm lasted about 20 terrifying minutes, but we're still dealing with the after effects now. The explosions I saw were of a huge tree being struck down and landing both on the bridge below and also on the power lines. The boys and I watched as the lines snapped off right in front of us due to the pressure put on them by the fallen tree. The road was blocked for 2 days (and I live on a major state route, mind you). The lines are still not fixed as of now.
Around 6pm on Friday we lost power. It is now 9:30am on Tuesday and I am still without power. My fridge and freezer are bare save for bottles of water, a few eggs, a few veggies that MIGHT hold on another day, and some old cans of beer and bottles of liquor. *blush*
Day 1 - We were able to move all of our cold meat that I had just bought to the fridge at Hubs' work. Thankfully that town had escaped the worst of it and only lost power for about 30 minutes. While Logan was up at his grandparents house helping them help friends and neighbors and clear away some damage in my MIL's garden, Ethan and I hid out in Hubs' work's back room in the AC. (I swear if it were not for the fact that Hubs' work had electricity, I probably would've lost it pretty quickly.)
Day 2 - Hubs had to work again, and all four of us actually went to work early in order to get out of the hot house. Work wasn't set to begin until noon, but we arrived at 10am and watched some TV and relaxed a bit in the AC. Logan did inventory for Dad and then I spent much of the day out front with Hubs selling car chargers (the hot ticket item right now) and an iPhone. (Hubs kept remarking on how I was a natural and he wishes I worked with him more often. I volunteered to maybe do a few more Sundays here and there when he works alone as long as his boss is cool with it. It's nice spending some time with him and I really like sales...and have always been good at it.) We closed up shop around 5:30pm, Ethan and I took trash to the dumpster, and then Hubs bought us all dinner.
Day 3 - Hubs had the day off. And OMG I wish he didn't! We were bored and hot by 10am. We went up to the inlaws, where MIL and FIL played a game of Chinese checkers with the boys. Then the boys and I went off to try to find a swimming pool. I needed to do my laps and they wanted to get cool and have something to do. The Ripley pool was packed so tight I suddenly understood the "sardines" expression. And Ravenswood's pool was closed due to some political fighting between the mayor, city council and the pool manager/operator...let's not even talk about how much that pisses me off, okay?! (Save the friggin' politics until AFTER the kids aren't suffering from heat exhaustion and boredom, mmkay?) The only highlight is that I didn't have to drive the hour to work and the hour back as the Governor shut down any state services that were not essential.
Day 4 - And now here we are in Day 4. I'm not in the best mood. Went a little stir crazy last night. Never got my pool time so I've already missed a workout. Was supposed to run this morning, but I couldn't because I didn't have any running water to take a shower with because it's not our turn with the generator right now. Gov said everything was improving and I should come back to work, and then about an hour later I hear from the power company that things are WORSE than they thought and it's going to take longer than expected. *face/palm* So here I am, worried about my boys. I had been able to cook them breakfast the first couple days before it got too hot to stand cooking in the house (we have a gas range, thankfully!), and then yesterday I took them out to eat. I have no clue what they're going to do this morning for food, but let's just say it hasn't exactly been "healthy eating" at my house since Friday night. More like, "Whatever is easy to grab and non-perishable." (SO not Paleo.) We've had our share of dinners out and fast food and I'm about to lose my mind because I want my kids and Hubs and me all back to the plan I set for this week (and now I feel like I wasted hours of my time formulating a Paleo plan for dinners and shopping and everything only to have it stripped from under me!).
Power was set to be restored by Thursday night at the latest.
Last night they changed that estimate. Now they're talking Saturday night.
My kids are starting to lose it, though they've been handling it pretty well for kids who grew up in the electronic generation (moreso, even, than my generation!).
Hubs is going to want to strangle them by the end of the day, I promise.
I think he'll probably take them up to the inlaws for a bit, but that's only going to serve to drive them crazy as well.
We'll get through. We'll manage. We always do.
It could be worse, I certainly know that.
And tomorrow I have the day off for 4th of July and Hubs is working early, so we might be able to hang out at the store again.
Of course, this totally ruins 4th of July for me. I can't even think about parades and fireworks. I only want the spark that gives me back my freedom.
I don't mind hanging clothes out on the line to dry.
I don't mind hand washing them either.
I don't mind reading books instead of watching TV.
I DO, however, mind not being able to cook in my own house because of the heat.
And I do, however, mind that I can't workout right now because I have no access to a shower after, unless it's our turn for the generator.
No word on whether my gym(s) are open, but I haven't been able to get through when I ring them, so I'm not hopeful about that. I do have my swimsuit, so I may run by the Y after work and see if they're open so I can get some laps in. Otherwise? *shrug* It may be Saturday before I can workout again. And that's driving me nuts!
And did I mention I just got a new set of workout DVDs in the mail yesterday? Useless workout DVDs right now! *lol*
*crosses her fingers for power being restored VERY soon*
Friday, June 29, 2012
Weight Last Week: 314.4
Weight This Week: 309.8
...and 307.6...and 304.2...and 304.8...
*lol* My scale is having multiple personality disorder or something. I'm taking the highest reading, and also the reading I got naked after my morning shower, which is the higher number. As for body fat %...I'm back up to 47.8 according to my reader.
It really took me half the week this week to get my rear in gear. With some high calorie days to start the week and some low calorie ones at the end of the week as I struggled to find the happy place, I probably averaged around 2400-2600 per day. (I'm too tired to do math right now.)
I also accomplished nearly every schedule exercise this week AND a couple unscheduled ones.
Friday - 1.15 mile walk/run with the big dog (unscheduled)
Saturday - nada
Sunday - nada
Monday - 900 yards in the pool
Tuesday - 1.5 mile walk/run (C25k W1D1)
Wednesday - 900 yards in the pool before work and 45 minute ST circuit with the trainer after work...
...and that's why I haven't done anything since Wednesday. *lol* I was supposed to run yesterday but I woke up with the biggest migraine of my life, and once that finally subsided, the DOMS set in and I haven't walked right since about noon yesterday. I'd say that was just a SMIDGE too much, but it was my last go with Tanner, so that's alright. He gave me some great exercises to keep up with so I can improve my running and swimming muscles. I know that because what hurts are: quads, shoulders, and abs.
I have to admit I was really down on myself during my session, but Tanner snapped at me and told me to stop, and I listened. I explained to him my 7-month plateau and he had no words for why things stopped working and thinks I'm making all the right adjustments (eating more, took a week or two off the stress of it all and just relaxed for a bit to give my mind and body a rest, and now getting back to it like I did day one).
Yesterday I spent much of the (HOT!!!) day on the computer planning out a Paleo meal plan for the next week or two. My shopping cart was something precious to behold. The only heavily processed crap I bought was: cereal, bread, bagels, 2 mini frozen pizzas and 2 pkgs of Hot Pockets - all for the boys. When I'm not here and they're left pretty much to themselves all day, I have to have some quick grabs for them. Proudest thing, though? When I got home, the first thing 2 of my 3 boys attacked was the fruit bowl! *pride*
So I'm following a pretty good start yesterday and a rather prideful shopping trip with a good day today.
Breakfast - 3 eggs with mushrooms, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, and a bit of oregano and 2 Morningstar "sausage" links (not exactly Paleo...) and some coffee with cream (def. not Paleo..I need to work on that)
After my eye doc appointment - a green paleo smoothie made with 1 cup spinach, about 3/4 cup of mixed frozen fruit and some coconut water
And now I'm eating a spinach salad with grilled chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, a dash of walnut oil (the vinaigrette is just made, so I needed a dash of oil to cut up the vinegar bite until it sets up more), some walnut pieces, and mushrooms...and for dessert? A nice, yummy, juicy peach.
I already made a couple things for the week, including:
* Homemade taco seasoning
* Homemade balsamic vinaigrette
* Paleo Chocolate Custard
A word on desserts...
In my family, dessert is a big thing. You eat your meal to earn your dessert. Dessert is the star of the meal and you just simply don't have a great meal without a bite of something sweet after. My mom still carries around mini Reese cups and random other bites of goodness to round out her meals.
Now every time I've tried to be "good" and cut out sweets from my diet...it doesn't work. I break after a while...and I break in STYLE! Major sweet binges of the nastiest processed junk you can find on the planet. It's not a pretty picture. So, as I was assessing my diet again and trying to find the best way to succeed, I made a decision - let's try allowing sweets in, but healthy, good-for-me treats. So for dinner tonight, we'll likely have something like Fish and asparagus or grilled chicken and veggie kebabs, and then I will get to sit down and have a pretty glass dish of chocolate custard. I hope this makes the "deprived" feeling go away and I can stick with it more than 80% of the time. Also a good "treat"? FRUIT! NOM! *grabs her peach*
So, yeah...there's a start.
Goals for the week:
* Stick to the Paleo meal plan already set up.
Things included on my meal plan:
* Grilled Pollock
* Oven Roasted Asparagus
* Salmon Cakes
* Grilled Veggie Kebabs
* Beef & Vegetable Chili
* Chicken Salad with homemade Paleo mayo
* Grilled Chicken
* Oven Roasted Bacon Vegetables
* Mushroom and Onion Pork Loin
* Mashed Cauliflower
* Roasted Turnips
* Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs
Also have a bunch of fresh fruit and veggies and extra chicken breast ready for snacks and lunches and the like.
* Get in all scheduled workouts this week, no excuses!
Friday - Run or Swim
Saturday - Rest
Sunday - Rest
Monday - Swim
Tuesday - C25k & ST
Wednesday - Rest
Thursday - Swim
Friday - C25k & ST
* Consume daily average calories around 2400-2600
Weight Goal for Next Week: around 307
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
First things first, yesterday, I did this...
Okay, so you can't really see it well, but that's me...on a 4-Wheeler. Believe it or not, I have lived in West Virginia for about 7 years and have yet to ride one of these things for longer than 2 seconds. I kept telling Hubs I was too big to ride, and he kept telling me I was being stupid. But those of us who have topped 300 pounds or more know that it's hard to say 'eff it!' when you're talking about the possibility of breaking someone else's stuff. This 4-Wheeler belongs to my FIL. They own 2, which they typically use to get up to their cabin on the next hill over from their house.
Yesterday, my FIL offered to begin lessons with my boys. These boys are growing up West Virginia style, so our neighbors in the area would probably find it strange that they'd never attempted to drive one before now. So as G'pa was in the field teaching them how everything worked, I was on the other side of the road on my front porch just watching. Until it hit me...'THAT'S ON MY BUCKET LIST!' I told Hubs I wanted a lesson and he gave me his shoes and told me to go on over. (I was wearing flip-flops at the time...oops!) So, yea, mark that one off. Of course, I think I kinda suck at it. As soon as my FIL said the word "shift" I got nervous. I drive an automatic car for a reason and the thought of a car or other vehicle relying upon my timing and instinct to shift...it freaks me out. Still, I did it anyhow...and it was both scary and fun. I think I'll need a few more lessons before I get the shifting down, though. *lol*
Annoying Pool People
This morning I headed to the gym for more laps in the pool. Now, like I've mentioned before, the early wake up time (4-4:30am) is actually worth it for me because there's generally no one in the pool between 6-7am. Monday one dude showed up as I was finishing up, and he showed up again today when I was about halfway though. (Granted I was running a few minutes behind this morning as I had to stop for gas.) I don't have a single problem with this guy. He doesn't create an overly rocky wave environment in the pool, he simply picks the other middle lane (there are 4 lanes, I pick a middle lane and he takes whichever one I'm not using) and both of us tend to lean toward the outside of our lanes so as to not crowd the other person.
Well, then the little lady showed up. Whatever, there are 2 more lanes and I was almost done with my laps. And then, in my eyes, she committed a cardinal sin - she asked the lifeguard to turn on the radio. *sigh* For the record, I like the peace and quiet of my morning swim. That's why I love it when it's just me in the pool with the lifeguard in his chair not really paying attention (unless you're splashing about with your arms flailing in the air gasping for breath, I'm assuming). It's a nice relationship and a great way to start the morning - quiet and calm. So the radio in the pool? PSAH! As if! Thankfully, my head is underwater the majority of the time so it didn't bug me too much.
And finally, as I was finishing up my last 2-3 laps, the joker showed up. I didn't get a good look at him. I didn't put my contacts in this morning so my vision wasn't 100%, but on the way back from a lap I see him standing above me on the side of the pool. So what do I do? I immediately start to move over to the center of my lane to give him room. I had been riding the line to test how straight I was swimming and to give Mr. #1 some room, but when someone else comes, I know to move over. I have no clue what Mr. Joker said to me (the radio was on and there was water in my ears), but I think the general gist was him telling me HOW to swim in one lane. *face/palm* REALLY?! You don't friggin' say?! OMG, and all this time I've been doing it wrong! NOT! *sigh* Anyhow, people annoy me...but I did get my laps in this morning.
900 yards + 40 yd warm up and 20 yd cool down
I did a bunch of stretching as well before and after. I'm trying to be a little better about this and not just hop right in the pool and get started. I know better...and the cramps in my legs now and again are reminding me from time to time. They're also reminding me I need to drink more water both before and after my swim.
Side note on swimming today: Dolphin kick isn't really making me go much farther under the water. I may not be doing it right, but I think I get better at it every time I try. The bonus? Right or wrong, my abs HATE me right now, so at least it's helping with that.
Second side note: I used my last 3 20 yard single laps this morning to PUSH a bit more and challenge my body. It's at the end of my swim so I figure if I have anything left, I might as well use it and see if my body can do the laps any quicker.
I am getting a bit faster. On Monday, I swam 900 yards in 35 minutes. Today it was 32 minutes, so I actually shaved 3 minutes off my total time. And this includes breathing breaks which, btw, aren't quite as short as they should be yet. I tried giving myself double the breathing time between laps this morning in order to keep away the headache and not have to do any recovery laps. It worked. I kicked all 900 yards today and didn't get a pounding headache either during my 200 yard stint (MUCH improved today!) or during the rest of my laps.
As for my eating yesterday? Slight improvement there. Yes, I still ate probably beyond what I needed for the day, but I was within my calorie range and I ate mostly healthy food. I nearly opted for dinner out, but I thought better of it and ended up eating some pork loin, green beans and potatoes.
Now to remember yesterday so I know that it CAN be done.
I did not, however, do my ST during my lunch break...even though I even cancelled plans with the bestie for lunch in order to do just that. By the time noon rolled around, I was exhausted, and opted for a quick nap in my car. (Note: Not quite sure why I'm SO tired lately, but it's getting a bit annoying.)
It's probably the best thing I could have done, however, because I have a scheduled supervised workout with Tanner tonight, and I know he's going to work my butt hard at the gym tonight...and I want him to do just that! It will be our last session together as he's leaving for med school and I'm going to have him focus on great ST exercises that can bolster my swimming/running without overtraining certain areas like the quads and the shoulders and calves that I really need in good shape for my cardio workouts.
And I'm going to have that lunch with the bestie today. We're going to a place I've never been to before but have heard great things - like that they use a lot of local ingredients and have a TON of healthy options on their menu. We shall see how that works out!
Happy HUMP day everyone! Just today and tomorrow and I get to bask in the 100+ degree glow of the weekend the weather forcasters around here are comparing to life on the sun. (Okay, I totally made that up, but they've got me so freaked out with their doom and gloom I'm almost scared of this weekend. Plan is to either hit the lake and sit in the shade or swim in the water OR find some place with a huge, well-built and well-maintained AC unit. :) Hell, Hubs better not be P.O.ed if I bring the kids and the laptop over and come hang out in the back room of his work with my two dogs and my cat. *lmao*
Where do you escape when the heat goes crazy and it's humid and nasty?
Anyone want to suggest some great dinner options for me? I'm sitting here fretting because I have not a clue what we'll eat for dinner tonight...
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
As a follow-up to my earlier blog (if you haven't read it yet, go back and read it...I'll wait.....got it?), I've been trying to refocus myself a bit. I realized I have to stop focusing on what could go wrong, what the negative outcomes might be, and start remembering all the things I wanted to do with my new thinner self. In all honesty, I kept asking myself, "What could I do clothed then that I really can't (or don't want to) do now?"
Why do I want to lose weight if it might cause all the problems I've already listed?
To go surfing, or at least learn how. I don't think that right now I could "pop up" on the board. I don't even know if I could stablize myself on the darn thing on my belly right now. Plus, you aren't going to catch me DEAD in a wet suit or other proper surfing attire right now. But even with baggy skin, I might look okay in a wetsuit...at least enough to forget about how I look and see if I actually like to surf. Of course, there's this little thing of the fear of the ocean that I have to get over, but I've been working on that. Last year was the first time I went out beyond where I could touch. First time EVER. I got over the fear (for the most part) and I really liked it!
Snorkeling. Actually, this is probably something I should be doing now as the fat will help me float better, but I just can't see spending the money when I'm terrified to be seen in a bathing suit. Sure, I swim 2-3 times a week. I go to the beach and the lake and the pool in a bathing suit. But with what some of those girls at the lake are wearing, I have nothing to worry about! (YIKES! Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD!) And the pool? I'm at the friggin' gym and swimming the whole time and I totally space out when I'm doing my laps so I never worried about that much. And the beach? I always tell myself, "I'm never going to see these people again, so what do I care?" But THE BEACH, as in some place wonderful and exotic and foreign and beautiful...I don't know, in my head you just have to feel more confident with yourself to go there.
And so I can kayak. Because right now I can't imagine squeezing my butt into one of those tiny things right now. Or doing fun things like rolls (*snort* nice pun!) without drowning.
And water skiing!
And whatever the hell that is. (Okay, so I just put that picture in because it's an awesome picture...I don't think I'll ever be able to do that...but the headstand? I could work my way up to that if I had less weight holding me down!)
And scuba diving!
And parasailing (another weight limit issue here that I MUST overcome!). Though I'll probably friggin' HATE parasailing because I'm just a TINY bit (okay A LOT) afraid of heights, I hate that I CAN'T do it. *pouts like a 5 year old*
And so I can do that...any distance I want (if I work my way up to it) and at a reasonable pace. (Right now I'm around a 11-12 m/m when I do run.)
And so I can wear polka dots or stripes without looking like a circus tent or some attraction at a fair.
And so I can actually own one of these.
Or wear this without it being compared to a Mumuu (and in a VERY negative way!).
Or go with this and look like a naughty teacher from some 80s or 90s music video (you know, when that's what they actually showed on MUSIC Television - aka MTV).
Or enroll in a beginner's ballet class and only get dirty looks because the kids think I was alive with the dinosaurs.
To read like this.
So I can cry into my knees when I'm sad.
Or get a piggy-back ride.
And run without getting sympathy looks.
And to never have to be told by a stanger how "great" I'm doing, because they never knew I was fat in the first place.
To never hear "keep up the good work!" again. Because I'm not 12 and because I know I have more to do, and YOU know I have more to do, but I don't want to know that YOU know, or at least I just don't want to be reminded of that.
So I can squat in the woods to pee. Yes, I just said that.
And squat down to say hello to a small child.
And to put my legs on the desk and lean back without feeling like I'm going to tip the chair over.
And so I can sit in any chair I want to on the PLANET without a second thought.
For these reasons and many others.
It's time to refocus my whys so I can get back on my way.
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Why are you doing this? What keeps you going when it gets tough?
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