Friday, June 29, 2012
Weight Last Week: 314.4
Weight This Week: 309.8
...and 307.6...and 304.2...and 304.8...
*lol* My scale is having multiple personality disorder or something. I'm taking the highest reading, and also the reading I got naked after my morning shower, which is the higher number. As for body fat %...I'm back up to 47.8 according to my reader.
It really took me half the week this week to get my rear in gear. With some high calorie days to start the week and some low calorie ones at the end of the week as I struggled to find the happy place, I probably averaged around 2400-2600 per day. (I'm too tired to do math right now.)
I also accomplished nearly every schedule exercise this week AND a couple unscheduled ones.
Friday - 1.15 mile walk/run with the big dog (unscheduled)
Saturday - nada
Sunday - nada
Monday - 900 yards in the pool
Tuesday - 1.5 mile walk/run (C25k W1D1)
Wednesday - 900 yards in the pool before work and 45 minute ST circuit with the trainer after work...
...and that's why I haven't done anything since Wednesday. *lol* I was supposed to run yesterday but I woke up with the biggest migraine of my life, and once that finally subsided, the DOMS set in and I haven't walked right since about noon yesterday. I'd say that was just a SMIDGE too much, but it was my last go with Tanner, so that's alright. He gave me some great exercises to keep up with so I can improve my running and swimming muscles. I know that because what hurts are: quads, shoulders, and abs.
I have to admit I was really down on myself during my session, but Tanner snapped at me and told me to stop, and I listened. I explained to him my 7-month plateau and he had no words for why things stopped working and thinks I'm making all the right adjustments (eating more, took a week or two off the stress of it all and just relaxed for a bit to give my mind and body a rest, and now getting back to it like I did day one).
Yesterday I spent much of the (HOT!!!) day on the computer planning out a Paleo meal plan for the next week or two. My shopping cart was something precious to behold. The only heavily processed crap I bought was: cereal, bread, bagels, 2 mini frozen pizzas and 2 pkgs of Hot Pockets - all for the boys. When I'm not here and they're left pretty much to themselves all day, I have to have some quick grabs for them. Proudest thing, though? When I got home, the first thing 2 of my 3 boys attacked was the fruit bowl! *pride*
So I'm following a pretty good start yesterday and a rather prideful shopping trip with a good day today.
Breakfast - 3 eggs with mushrooms, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, and a bit of oregano and 2 Morningstar "sausage" links (not exactly Paleo...) and some coffee with cream (def. not Paleo..I need to work on that)
After my eye doc appointment - a green paleo smoothie made with 1 cup spinach, about 3/4 cup of mixed frozen fruit and some coconut water
And now I'm eating a spinach salad with grilled chicken, homemade balsamic vinaigrette, a dash of walnut oil (the vinaigrette is just made, so I needed a dash of oil to cut up the vinegar bite until it sets up more), some walnut pieces, and mushrooms...and for dessert? A nice, yummy, juicy peach.
I already made a couple things for the week, including:
* Homemade taco seasoning
* Homemade balsamic vinaigrette
* Paleo Chocolate Custard
A word on desserts...
In my family, dessert is a big thing. You eat your meal to earn your dessert. Dessert is the star of the meal and you just simply don't have a great meal without a bite of something sweet after. My mom still carries around mini Reese cups and random other bites of goodness to round out her meals.
Now every time I've tried to be "good" and cut out sweets from my diet...it doesn't work. I break after a while...and I break in STYLE! Major sweet binges of the nastiest processed junk you can find on the planet. It's not a pretty picture. So, as I was assessing my diet again and trying to find the best way to succeed, I made a decision - let's try allowing sweets in, but healthy, good-for-me treats. So for dinner tonight, we'll likely have something like Fish and asparagus or grilled chicken and veggie kebabs, and then I will get to sit down and have a pretty glass dish of chocolate custard. I hope this makes the "deprived" feeling go away and I can stick with it more than 80% of the time. Also a good "treat"? FRUIT! NOM! *grabs her peach*
So, yeah...there's a start.
Goals for the week:
* Stick to the Paleo meal plan already set up.
Things included on my meal plan:
* Grilled Pollock
* Oven Roasted Asparagus
* Salmon Cakes
* Grilled Veggie Kebabs
* Beef & Vegetable Chili
* Chicken Salad with homemade Paleo mayo
* Grilled Chicken
* Oven Roasted Bacon Vegetables
* Mushroom and Onion Pork Loin
* Mashed Cauliflower
* Roasted Turnips
* Spaghetti Squash and Meatballs
Also have a bunch of fresh fruit and veggies and extra chicken breast ready for snacks and lunches and the like.
* Get in all scheduled workouts this week, no excuses!
Friday - Run or Swim
Saturday - Rest
Sunday - Rest
Monday - Swim
Tuesday - C25k & ST
Wednesday - Rest
Thursday - Swim
Friday - C25k & ST
* Consume daily average calories around 2400-2600
Weight Goal for Next Week: around 307
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
First things first, yesterday, I did this...
Okay, so you can't really see it well, but that's me...on a 4-Wheeler. Believe it or not, I have lived in West Virginia for about 7 years and have yet to ride one of these things for longer than 2 seconds. I kept telling Hubs I was too big to ride, and he kept telling me I was being stupid. But those of us who have topped 300 pounds or more know that it's hard to say 'eff it!' when you're talking about the possibility of breaking someone else's stuff. This 4-Wheeler belongs to my FIL. They own 2, which they typically use to get up to their cabin on the next hill over from their house.
Yesterday, my FIL offered to begin lessons with my boys. These boys are growing up West Virginia style, so our neighbors in the area would probably find it strange that they'd never attempted to drive one before now. So as G'pa was in the field teaching them how everything worked, I was on the other side of the road on my front porch just watching. Until it hit me...'THAT'S ON MY BUCKET LIST!' I told Hubs I wanted a lesson and he gave me his shoes and told me to go on over. (I was wearing flip-flops at the time...oops!) So, yea, mark that one off. Of course, I think I kinda suck at it. As soon as my FIL said the word "shift" I got nervous. I drive an automatic car for a reason and the thought of a car or other vehicle relying upon my timing and instinct to shift...it freaks me out. Still, I did it anyhow...and it was both scary and fun. I think I'll need a few more lessons before I get the shifting down, though. *lol*
Annoying Pool People
This morning I headed to the gym for more laps in the pool. Now, like I've mentioned before, the early wake up time (4-4:30am) is actually worth it for me because there's generally no one in the pool between 6-7am. Monday one dude showed up as I was finishing up, and he showed up again today when I was about halfway though. (Granted I was running a few minutes behind this morning as I had to stop for gas.) I don't have a single problem with this guy. He doesn't create an overly rocky wave environment in the pool, he simply picks the other middle lane (there are 4 lanes, I pick a middle lane and he takes whichever one I'm not using) and both of us tend to lean toward the outside of our lanes so as to not crowd the other person.
Well, then the little lady showed up. Whatever, there are 2 more lanes and I was almost done with my laps. And then, in my eyes, she committed a cardinal sin - she asked the lifeguard to turn on the radio. *sigh* For the record, I like the peace and quiet of my morning swim. That's why I love it when it's just me in the pool with the lifeguard in his chair not really paying attention (unless you're splashing about with your arms flailing in the air gasping for breath, I'm assuming). It's a nice relationship and a great way to start the morning - quiet and calm. So the radio in the pool? PSAH! As if! Thankfully, my head is underwater the majority of the time so it didn't bug me too much.
And finally, as I was finishing up my last 2-3 laps, the joker showed up. I didn't get a good look at him. I didn't put my contacts in this morning so my vision wasn't 100%, but on the way back from a lap I see him standing above me on the side of the pool. So what do I do? I immediately start to move over to the center of my lane to give him room. I had been riding the line to test how straight I was swimming and to give Mr. #1 some room, but when someone else comes, I know to move over. I have no clue what Mr. Joker said to me (the radio was on and there was water in my ears), but I think the general gist was him telling me HOW to swim in one lane. *face/palm* REALLY?! You don't friggin' say?! OMG, and all this time I've been doing it wrong! NOT! *sigh* Anyhow, people annoy me...but I did get my laps in this morning.
900 yards + 40 yd warm up and 20 yd cool down
I did a bunch of stretching as well before and after. I'm trying to be a little better about this and not just hop right in the pool and get started. I know better...and the cramps in my legs now and again are reminding me from time to time. They're also reminding me I need to drink more water both before and after my swim.
Side note on swimming today: Dolphin kick isn't really making me go much farther under the water. I may not be doing it right, but I think I get better at it every time I try. The bonus? Right or wrong, my abs HATE me right now, so at least it's helping with that.
Second side note: I used my last 3 20 yard single laps this morning to PUSH a bit more and challenge my body. It's at the end of my swim so I figure if I have anything left, I might as well use it and see if my body can do the laps any quicker.
I am getting a bit faster. On Monday, I swam 900 yards in 35 minutes. Today it was 32 minutes, so I actually shaved 3 minutes off my total time. And this includes breathing breaks which, btw, aren't quite as short as they should be yet. I tried giving myself double the breathing time between laps this morning in order to keep away the headache and not have to do any recovery laps. It worked. I kicked all 900 yards today and didn't get a pounding headache either during my 200 yard stint (MUCH improved today!) or during the rest of my laps.
As for my eating yesterday? Slight improvement there. Yes, I still ate probably beyond what I needed for the day, but I was within my calorie range and I ate mostly healthy food. I nearly opted for dinner out, but I thought better of it and ended up eating some pork loin, green beans and potatoes.
Now to remember yesterday so I know that it CAN be done.
I did not, however, do my ST during my lunch break...even though I even cancelled plans with the bestie for lunch in order to do just that. By the time noon rolled around, I was exhausted, and opted for a quick nap in my car. (Note: Not quite sure why I'm SO tired lately, but it's getting a bit annoying.)
It's probably the best thing I could have done, however, because I have a scheduled supervised workout with Tanner tonight, and I know he's going to work my butt hard at the gym tonight...and I want him to do just that! It will be our last session together as he's leaving for med school and I'm going to have him focus on great ST exercises that can bolster my swimming/running without overtraining certain areas like the quads and the shoulders and calves that I really need in good shape for my cardio workouts.
And I'm going to have that lunch with the bestie today. We're going to a place I've never been to before but have heard great things - like that they use a lot of local ingredients and have a TON of healthy options on their menu. We shall see how that works out!
Happy HUMP day everyone! Just today and tomorrow and I get to bask in the 100+ degree glow of the weekend the weather forcasters around here are comparing to life on the sun. (Okay, I totally made that up, but they've got me so freaked out with their doom and gloom I'm almost scared of this weekend. Plan is to either hit the lake and sit in the shade or swim in the water OR find some place with a huge, well-built and well-maintained AC unit. :) Hell, Hubs better not be P.O.ed if I bring the kids and the laptop over and come hang out in the back room of his work with my two dogs and my cat. *lmao*
Where do you escape when the heat goes crazy and it's humid and nasty?
Anyone want to suggest some great dinner options for me? I'm sitting here fretting because I have not a clue what we'll eat for dinner tonight...
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
As a follow-up to my earlier blog (if you haven't read it yet, go back and read it...I'll wait.....got it?), I've been trying to refocus myself a bit. I realized I have to stop focusing on what could go wrong, what the negative outcomes might be, and start remembering all the things I wanted to do with my new thinner self. In all honesty, I kept asking myself, "What could I do clothed then that I really can't (or don't want to) do now?"
Why do I want to lose weight if it might cause all the problems I've already listed?
To go surfing, or at least learn how. I don't think that right now I could "pop up" on the board. I don't even know if I could stablize myself on the darn thing on my belly right now. Plus, you aren't going to catch me DEAD in a wet suit or other proper surfing attire right now. But even with baggy skin, I might look okay in a wetsuit...at least enough to forget about how I look and see if I actually like to surf. Of course, there's this little thing of the fear of the ocean that I have to get over, but I've been working on that. Last year was the first time I went out beyond where I could touch. First time EVER. I got over the fear (for the most part) and I really liked it!
Snorkeling. Actually, this is probably something I should be doing now as the fat will help me float better, but I just can't see spending the money when I'm terrified to be seen in a bathing suit. Sure, I swim 2-3 times a week. I go to the beach and the lake and the pool in a bathing suit. But with what some of those girls at the lake are wearing, I have nothing to worry about! (YIKES! Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD!) And the pool? I'm at the friggin' gym and swimming the whole time and I totally space out when I'm doing my laps so I never worried about that much. And the beach? I always tell myself, "I'm never going to see these people again, so what do I care?" But THE BEACH, as in some place wonderful and exotic and foreign and beautiful...I don't know, in my head you just have to feel more confident with yourself to go there.
And so I can kayak. Because right now I can't imagine squeezing my butt into one of those tiny things right now. Or doing fun things like rolls (*snort* nice pun!) without drowning.
And water skiing!
And whatever the hell that is. (Okay, so I just put that picture in because it's an awesome picture...I don't think I'll ever be able to do that...but the headstand? I could work my way up to that if I had less weight holding me down!)
And scuba diving!
And parasailing (another weight limit issue here that I MUST overcome!). Though I'll probably friggin' HATE parasailing because I'm just a TINY bit (okay A LOT) afraid of heights, I hate that I CAN'T do it. *pouts like a 5 year old*
And so I can do that...any distance I want (if I work my way up to it) and at a reasonable pace. (Right now I'm around a 11-12 m/m when I do run.)
And so I can wear polka dots or stripes without looking like a circus tent or some attraction at a fair.
And so I can actually own one of these.
Or wear this without it being compared to a Mumuu (and in a VERY negative way!).
Or go with this and look like a naughty teacher from some 80s or 90s music video (you know, when that's what they actually showed on MUSIC Television - aka MTV).
Or enroll in a beginner's ballet class and only get dirty looks because the kids think I was alive with the dinosaurs.
To read like this.
So I can cry into my knees when I'm sad.
Or get a piggy-back ride.
And run without getting sympathy looks.
And to never have to be told by a stanger how "great" I'm doing, because they never knew I was fat in the first place.
To never hear "keep up the good work!" again. Because I'm not 12 and because I know I have more to do, and YOU know I have more to do, but I don't want to know that YOU know, or at least I just don't want to be reminded of that.
So I can squat in the woods to pee. Yes, I just said that.
And squat down to say hello to a small child.
And to put my legs on the desk and lean back without feeling like I'm going to tip the chair over.
And so I can sit in any chair I want to on the PLANET without a second thought.
For these reasons and many others.
It's time to refocus my whys so I can get back on my way.
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Why are you doing this? What keeps you going when it gets tough?
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Tuesday, June 26, 2012
No, seriously. That's how I felt yesterday. I did great all day. I did my workout. I ate healthy fruits and vegs. Other than one small slip of not thinking, I didn't consume dairy OR grains (the soup was the slip up, but it was OH, SO GOOD!). And then I got home and *CRASH*! Just like last week, and the week before. *bangs head on desk*
No, seriously, this is getting out of hand.
I do know what caused it yesterday. Pure exhaustion. I just couldn't even think about cooking. My oldest waited all day to do the dishes and was in my way and I just didn't want to do...well, anything. So I ended up with pizza and breadsticks AND soda. *bangs head on desk* Which I ate/drank TOO MUCH of because I was exhausted and hungry. *bangs head on desk* And then managed to literally pass out on the couch. I think I fell asleep around 9pm and didn't wake up until 4:30am this morning. Hubs even remarked on how tired I must have been.
I need to read more of my book. Is this exhaustion part of the 2-week adjustment period or am I just doing something ELSE wrong?!
The only upside is that I did wake up at 4:30 this morning and I managed to get outside just as dawn was breaking to get in W1D1 of C25k. But I had stomach problems again. *sigh* Is it any wonder? Dairy, grains AND grease! And pop as well! What the hell was I thinking? And this morning I couldn't be bothered and had stupid creamer in my coffee.
I'm GOING to get a handle on this! I HAVE TO!
I don't know why I fall apart every day.
Okay, that's not true. I think I know why now. Or, at least, part of the reason why.
I'm terrified that getting "fit" or whatever type of skinny my body can achieve is going to make me miserable.
Let's face it, not all aspects of losing weight are good and happy and wonderful. My own chiro said that losing the 150+ pounds I've lost so far might be the main cause for my whole pelvic region and back being out of whack. Yes, you heard me right, the doctor said that LOSING WEIGHT has likely caused the problem. *sigh* Remember when it was because I was fat and NEEDED to lose weight that was causing the problems? Ahhhh...those were the days. (NOT!) *rolls eyes*
Other not so wonderful things I've gained from this journey?
- I'm more aware of my body.
Yeah, that sounds like a good thing, but not always. I was in ignorant bliss for a long time, and now that I'm noticing myself more, I see the flaws so easily now and I can't simply ignore them. I feel the actual fat separating from the muscle, which, yes, is a good thing, because it means less fat IN my muscles and organs, but it means that I feel the jiggle SO MUCH MORE in just day to day activites...like walking to the bathroom. Feeling the fat on you is not the most pleasant experience in the world, I promise. I may have been bigger before, but it was so big that it was less jiggle and more slow roll from side to side. And I know how off-putting and ridiculous this all sounds, but it's affecting my mental state and if anyone else out there is planning on losing 200 or more pounds, just know that this might be something you feel about halfway through.
- Excess skin.
I'm already noticing it more and more...and it's just downright sad. It just simply makes me sad. Because I'm 31 years old, and this is taking SO long that ...well, let's just say it, there's no hope for me to have a rockin' body without surgical assistance. This makes me sad more often than I ever admit. People wonder why I've been in such a hurry, but what they don't understand is that, in my head, the more time I'm fat, the less time I have to be skinny. The more time I'm fat, the more stretched my skin becomes and the less elasticity (is that the word?) I have to make things "bounce back". I guess I'm realizing now that it's not just about wanting to waste my life as a fat girl and not wanting to waste my entire 30s being fat, but because all the information we receive is, "The sooner you lose the weight, the better chance you'll have to have a "normal" body." But I'm realizing that it's all false hope anyhow. The damage is done...and whatever I have when I'm done with all of this, might be the biggest disappointment of my life.
Yes, I'm terrified that my husband won't like me when I'm skinny. When I have old, wrinkly, sagging skin like a 80 year old at the age of 35, or 40 or even 50...whenever my body and head decides to finally lose the rest of this weight. *taps foot impatiently* So while this plateau was simply a obstacle before, I think I've been setting up the roadblocks myself lately. Because I'm scared of what's to come. And I think I know what it will look like. And I don't know if I'd just rather be fat than be wrinkly and old prematurely. (And, yes, I know how awful all that sounds, but it's 100% true.)
- I've reached a progress stop point.
Not just on the scale, but there are yoga moves I want to improve but can't because of the huge stomach apron getting in between me and my legs (which are looking much nicer, btw...my calves are the only thing I have hope for in the future). I can't progress any further with my flexibility until I get rid of the actual physical obstacle in my way. And that pisses me off!
- I can see my thinner self.
This is another thing that's been taunting me for a while now...and I may have mentioned it before...but I can actually SEE my thinner self. I can see the form and shape of my would-be-normal body, but, again, that stupid stomach apron and the bubble butt are keeping me from a shape I would be more proud of...maybe.
- Calcium deposits.
When I was younger, I went to the doc to ask about a bump on the top of my foot. It's this soft little bump right on the top of my foot and it bugs the crap out of me because it makes my foot look weird. My doc at the time told me that it was nothing to worry about, it was just a little calcium deposit. Between that bump and the calcified ligament in my neck, I'd say my body has had issues processing calcium correctly in the past. No clue what causes that, but I sure wish it would stop. Since losing weight I've discovered two more calcium deposits on my body that were not noticable before because of the extra fat. One is on my inner thigh. Not too worried about that one as no one is likely to see it but me. It's just a slight annoyance to me that it's there, nothing more. (I know already that my thighs are a lost cause. I can see the hanging skin already and I'm already having nightmares of what the upper part of my legs are going to look like when all this is said and done.) But the other one? It's on MY FACE! My friggin' face, y'all. The one thing about me that, even when I weighed nearly 500 pounds, I was still okay with. The one part of me that no one ever had a problem with. But now, next to my lips in the spot where a cute dimple could be is a friggin' calcium deposit that makes me want to cry (and also makes me want to not smile or otherwise draw attention to it). It's like a big "HAHAHAHA!" with pointing from your middle school bully every time I look in the mirror now. I cannot even begin to describe how much this damn bump is messing with my head. I keep thinking, "Oh, so I'm losing weight so I can get UGLY?! Great!" *sarcasm*
These are the thoughts that are keeping me from losing the weight.
I know that. I really do.
I know I'm actually CHOSING not to lose weight.
I'm wasting my own time spending hours working out, only to stuff my mouth in order to not lose any more weight and have to face the consequences of a lifetime of being obese.
It sounds completely stupid, but I know it's 100% true.
When this plateau started, it was completely out of my control.
But in the past few weeks, at least through all of June, it's been my doing 100%.
I've adjusted my calories to restart my metabolism again and give it a break. And then when it was time to lower them back down just a smidge from maintenance? I couldn't do it. I didn't know if I wanted it any more. I mean, YES, I want to be skinnier. I want to fit into nice clothes and look and feel great about myself and my accomplishments. But what if losing this weight only makes me hate my body more?! And what if the people who love me exactly how I am now, don't like me any longer when I'm a slab of loose, baggy skin?! Because I won't likely have the money for any surgery to follow, and I don't have the best of luck with insurance companies.
I have a weigh-in tomorrow at the gym and I want to cry. Because I know I'm going to disappoint Tanner. I had been at least holding pretty steady with my weight, and my body fat % was going down so he knew I was still working, but my body wasn't cooperating scale-wise. But now? I'm going to have to face the failure *I* created this past month. We're going to see a huge spike on the scale and probably a spike in my body fat % as well. And he's going to ask me why and I'm going to have to say, "Because I'm scared to be skinny!"
Starting over again today. Going to try to make it right. Going to try to get through one night without falling apart completely. But I know that I need to change my mindset...I just don't know how. And I keep asking myself, "What worked before?" and, truth is, I don't really know. I've gone from vision collages to refusing to think about the future to just living in the moment to just getting through one workout to setting streaks to setting goals to a million other things. I've always been in constant motion but it's always been from side to side, never back and forth like it is right now.
I guess it's possible to be two people at once.
The scared fat girl and the determined athletic chick.
Who will win is yet to be seen.
I hope it's the athlete...
Why do I wake up each day and keep trying??
Monday, June 25, 2012
I'm exhuasted today! Good thing I already got my workout in for the day!
Today's schedule called for laps in the pool, and I got started bright and early at 6:30am. I love swimming in the morning because there's usually not anyone else there to churn the water and make it difficult for me to swim. Halfway through my laps today another girl showed up, but she was a smooth and silent swimmer, so that worked out well. It wasn't until late in the game that another guy showed up with all the same vigor I had for freestyle.
I've moved on to week 2 of the 0 to 1650 program.
For those that don't know, it's a 6-week program designed to have you swimming a mile if you swim 3 times a week. Now I usually only get in 2 swims a week (though that might be changing soon), so it's going to take me a bit longer than 6 weeks, but that's okay by me. I did start to get another one of my pounding monster headaches in the beginning, but I realized it was just lack of oxygen from the push from week 1 to week 2, so I adjusted accordingly (did a few of my laps without using my legs, which helps the body cool down as the quads aren't stealing all your oxygen for kicking).
200 yards straight
4 x 100 (=400)
2 x 60 (=120)
2 x 40 (=80)
1 x 40
3 x 20 (=60)
I have to adjust for my pool size. The plan calls for 4x50 (which = 200 yards) and 4x25 (which = 100 yards), so I have to adjust it slightly to get the right bang for my buck and still get the yardage I need for the day. Add everything up and you've got 900 yards for this AM, done in about 35 minutes. I did 2 warm up laps (40) and one cool down lap (20) and then some stretching before and after. Felt pretty good. I'm glad I was able to calm down the headache. It's the jump from 100 yards to 200 that just about kills me, but I'm hoping my body adjusts soon and it won't be a problem for long.
Also on course for today has been trying to eat more Paleo-like. I've been having stomach problems for, well, my whole life. I thought eating better (more clean and nutritious and healthy foods) would cause these problems to go away, but they haven't. Even Hubs remarks that he doesn't understand how someone so "healthy" can have so many stomach problems. The two most likely culprits are either grains or dairy. Dairy is the most likely thing I can imagine since both my mother and my son are lactose resistant. I've made no excuses for my love of cheese and other dairy products (I swear I'm like an addict!) so it's been hard to think about not eating dairy any longer, but if it helps my stomach feel better, I'm willing to give up a few things 98% of the time so I can enjoy a 98% stomach-pain-free life!
Note I didn't say 100%. Just the thought of giving dairy (and grains!) up 100% makes me want to eat every slice of bread and cheese in my house until I barf. Which only goes to show that I have a very unhealthy relationship with both. Let's just say yesterday didn't go well as I somehow adopted a "last meal" mentality and landed myself with the most awful stomach ache on record! UGH!
So this morning, I drank a few sips of coffee with soy milk before thinking, "Uhm, no..this isn't how I'm going to start this!" So I poured myself a cup of black coffee, pushed the bagels and cream cheese aside and opted for a 3-egg omelet with mushrooms, and then headed out the door. I just got back from my lunch break where I scoured the market for fresh fruits and veggies and finally located a wonderful salad w/o cheese. And then got back and realized the stuffed pepper soup I got (and adore) has rice in it. D'oh! Well, progress, not perfection, right?! Still going full-speed-ahead on the non-dairy front.
The result thus far? My stomach doesn't hurt right now. Of course, it comes and goes so we shall see, but it's a start. The downside? I basically passed out at my desk after my workout for a few minutes. I was so utterly exhausted it was impossible for me to keep my eyes open. This could mean a few things:
1) I kicked @$$ at my swim today and really worked hard.
2) I didn't properly refuel following my swim.
3) I'm in the 2-week adjustment period for this change, and it's just going to be like that for a bit.
4) I'm just friggin' TIRED because I DID stay up late last night and woke up super early this morning.
The good news is that I can adjust for all of that. Well, except for #1 because being kick@$$ in the gym isn't a bad thing...the other 3 are what need some work.
2) I need to have some form of fruit or something following my swim. I'll try to stick an apple in my gym bag for tomorrow and see if that helps.
3) In 2 weeks it will be over, I hope!
4) Get more stupid sleep! DUH!
* I didn't really miss my creamer in my coffee. Shock of shocks for me!
* I'm going ahead and eating the soup, even with the rice, but I'm putting the crackers AWAY!
* I have apples, peaches, a salad with almonds, and some sliced fruit (pineapples, apples, oranges, grapes, blackberries) in a fruit cup to get me through the day.
For dinner I know I have some grilled chicken at home. It has a tiny bit of BBQ sauce on it, but I'm just going to have to deal with that for now. Can't let it go to waste! As for veggies? I hate to say it but my fridge is bare of those. I MIGHT have some salad mix, but that's about it. I need to shop for peppers and zucchini and squash because I have got to find a way to fill out my diet if I'm not going to be eating many grains anymore (if at all). I'll likely have to stop off at the grocery store on my way home, but I'll deal with it.
I need to find:
* A LOT more ideas for veggies! I'm going to give roasted Brussells sprouts a try again. I've got the roasted asparagus (NOM!) down, and I do a mean roasted parm zucchini (will have to leave off the parm now and find some good spices to add in there). Other than that? I've been a white potato girl my whole life and it's harder than hell to accept that those things aren't good for me and need to be an exception, not a rule. This is where I have stalled in my clean eating ventures EVERY SINGLE TIME. I can only eat so much salad!
* I also need to get some more spinach and frozen fruit, as I plan on adding a smoothie into my morning routine. I got some coconut water earlier so I can sub that in for the milk I used to add to it. We'll see how that works out.
If you have ideas for me, leave 'em! Otherwise, I had best get back to work! Lots of website updating to do and some cases to work on either opening or closing! Have a good Monday!
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