CALLIKIA   23,798
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It's a Miracle!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Hey! Look at that! I'm logging in on a Saturday! Cool, right?! I made a comment on my girl Ang's blog that part of my focus problem might be my avoidance of Spark on the here I am. Not avoiding.

Yesterday? Not such a great day. Overate and not overly happy about it. BUT...and that's a big butt! *snort*...I can still make this work. If I can drop my cals for the next few days I can still make my weekly goal of a 2400 average. I just have to be proactive. I have to consider yesterday a high calorie day and move on and make the rest of the days work for me.

As for my workout? Last night was not good. Not sure what was up with me but my body just wasn't feeling it. Did 480 yards in about 16 minutes and then got a nasty headache and had to stop. Causes? I'm thinking it's either 1) I didn't properly fuel my workout and/or 2) I was a bit dehydrated and/or 3) my stamina has dropped a bit. Either way, I did go to the gym and got in the pool and gave it a go. And I did swim 200 yards without stopping, and then did 2 x 100 before the problems kicked in. Gotta just keep moving on.

It's Mommy & Me Day with Ethan (my 10-year-old). It's a day when I take one child out by himself and hang out with him - usually it involves a bit of shopping and some lunch somewhere. Now I know Ethan wants to go to Quaker Steak & Lube, but I have to figure out how to talk him out of it. 1) They don't put any of their nutritional information online on their website, which always makes me nervous. I mean, what do they have to hide? I stopped going to TGI Friday's because they were being jerks about putting their calorie counts online. 2) I don't think they have much of anything that could be considered healthy. I looked at some of their "healthy" fare and it seems we're looking at 500-600 calories easily for not much food and a CRAPTON of sodium (we're talking 1500mg per dish). to convince a 10-year-old that we should go somewhere Mommy can "afford"??

Problem #2 for the day? I want to go out and try a walk/run...but I'm nervous. Scared, actually. And I have no clue why. I guess I'm just afraid to get back out there. I remember I used to be nervous every Saturday before a run, so it's not necessarily a new thing, but it's been a while since I've forced myself to simply get dressed and get out there. I need to spend the next 10 minutes or so getting my head back in the game and convincing myself that it's not a negative thing even if I have to walk the whole time. I have to convince myself to just get out there and do 10 or 15 minutes if that's all I've got in me. Because I want my running legs back under me. I ordered new shoes yesterday (finally!) so I need to have a reason to use them. Honestly, I was avoiding getting them because it gave me the perfect excuse not to try...but I've eliminated that excuse and in about a week they're going to show up at my doorstep. Do I want to cry in shame when they get here or do I want to be excited for the miles they could bring me? Gotta get my head back into it.

Gotta stop thinking it's not worth it.
Gotta stop thinking I can't do it.
Gotta get my mojo back.
Gotta rebuild my hope and restart my goals.
Gotta remember what it was 2 years ago that made me finally decide to get off my butt and try, without any expectations and simply with the thought that I could try and it wouldn't hurt anything to make some positive strides.
Gotta stop putting so much pressure on myself.
And I have GOT to stop hating myself.

One step at a time.
I have to remember that.
I started this with baby steps.
I started this with praising myself for those little steps, not telling myself they were too little to count.
I need to make a fresh start and stop being so scared of failing that I don't even try.

I'm still scared...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGIRL06 6/27/2012 7:41PM

    You can do this!!! Run run! (Slowly at first) And my weekends totally suck too. I've been getting better at logging into MFP at least. And I don't bother blogging on the weekend because no one reads 'em anyway! LoL

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MUSOLF6 6/23/2012 1:33PM

    emoticon emoticon

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    Glad to see you here on a weekend! Those are my toughest days too. You are doing great, tell those voices hush and drown it out with some loud music as you run/walk. emoticon

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VICKYMARIEC 6/23/2012 11:08AM

    Awwww sweetie you've got this! You need to shut that evil voice out and remember all that you've already accomplished.

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MANLEYSANDY 6/23/2012 10:32AM

    One step at a time!!!

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Shake Your Grove Thing

Friday, June 22, 2012

So, I took a week off. Okay, let's be honest, it was more like 2 weeks off. I didn't care what I ate. I binged a few times just out of spite for this sh!tty process. I hated everything about everything. I hurt a lot, and healed a lot, and still felt like I was hurting. I got sidetracked and sideswiped and everything else that happens when you're standing on the side of the road pouting like a 5 year old child because life simply isn't "fair"...whatever that means.

Now I certainly hope I got that out of my system, because I have things to do here, and I've never been known to waste time.

And my 5-year-old tantrum certainly cost me. Weighed in this morning at 314.4 pounds. YIKES! I could chalk that up to traveling and blargity-blargh-blargh, but the truth of the matter is, I wasn't doing what I could to make the number go down and, in fact, was doing a lot of the things that cause it to go up. The only bright side of this whole thing? For the first time in about 6 months the scale moved in exactly the way I expected it to. Sad, right?! Let's not dwell on that.

Last night I ditched the gym, but did honestly have a good reason. About 10 minutes before I was set to leave work the clouds let out the most impressive downpour I think I've ever seen. The sewers and storm drains simply couldn't keep up and it started flooding the streets almost immediately. I got soaked on the way to my car, but still began my drive in the direction of my gym...until I realized that I could be one of those stupid people on TV that tries to drive through a puddle she should NOT be driving through and her car stalls out and she's stuck. Not me. Not my pretty car. The puddle won. I turned around and rushed home to escape the downpour and flooded streets. Rain happens.

And what did I do with my time? Well, after totally binging on cheese and crackers, I had a tiny spat with the Hubs and went back to my bedroom around 8pm and fell asleep. Thank goodness I woke up this morning at 6:10 am because I didn't set my alarm. I hadn't expected to sleep through the night but...10 hours later...

So, let's hope I slept my silliness off, because there's still work to do.
My honest to goodness hope is that the past few weeks of eating at or over my maintenance calorie levels has given my metabolism a much needed rest from the restrictions of the past 2 years. Maybe now I'll actually get somewhere when I try to move forward instead of pushing against a brick wall. A girl can hope, right?!

Weigh-In today: 314.4
Calorie goals for the week: 2400 a day average
Workouts this week:

Friday - Swimming laps
Saturday - Rest
Sunday - Rest
Monday - Laps
Tuesday - Run
Wednesday - Laps
Thursday - Run

Calorie burn should be around 2k, I think.

Weight Goal for next Friday: 312.7 (-1.7 pounds)

I've already planned my July and August challenges. July is going to be about getting myself back in my own grove. Running and swimming trying to get to the 1 mile straight goal in each. It's going to involve cardio at least 4 days a week and at least 2 days of ST. I'll need to get together a ST plan, but I don't think that will be a problem for me. August will be a challenge month. Ethan and I have already vowed to try to set aside some time for 30DS and I think August might be just the month to do it. Of course, I'm not sure how much he'll be able to do on top of his football schedule, but he can at least keep me on task.

Now all of my workouts I have planned revolve around my current 4 day work week. I have to keep in mind that this is probably going to change. Ethan is starting football soon and with Hubs working full-time now, I'm going to probably have to be the one to get him to his practices and such. That will mean trying to work out a new schedule with my boss which will have me here Monday through Friday from 8am to 4pm. It will mean more early morning workouts if I want to get things done on nights when he has practice OR it will mean runs through town while he's out on the field (I did this last's actually a great time for the parents to go get a workout in and several of us do it). So, yeah, there are probably going to have to be tweaks, but for the most part I think I can manage this schedule throughout.

Swimming 2-3 times per week.
Running 2-3 times per week.
ST at least 2 times per week.

It's totally doable.
Let's hope my scale agrees with my methods.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGIRL06 6/27/2012 7:38PM

    Sounds like you are worn out, I hope you are feeling better!!!

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GUITARWOMAN 6/22/2012 3:56PM

    When I was on WW, one of the members had this mantra that I so believe in...

"Own it, track it, and move on." It has helped me more than once for sure.

Sounds like you are in the right headspace and are moving in the right direction.

Good for you!


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BAYBELIEVER 6/22/2012 2:56PM

    Welcome back! And that 10 hours must have done you some good, you sound so much more like yourself in this blog!!

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MUSOLF6 6/22/2012 2:38PM


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KKINNEA 6/22/2012 11:39AM

    It's good to catch back up with you! I can't even imaging a mile of swimming - I'll be following along to see how it goes.

I love the plan of running while the football practices are going on - you can mix up your scenery.

Hope you're having a great day!

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DC Recap

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Finally back after a week and a half. I apologize for the absence but I felt the need to take some time away for me, so I let myself relax and recharge and I'm feeling a bit better now.

My trip to DC went alright. Minus one meltdown in my training class because the instructor wanted to talk circles around a very important issue and basically wanted to negate an entire CHUNK of my work from his implications...whatever. That and a rather testy woman at training soured the trip a bit for me.

Well, that and not feeling well.

I'm not sure what exactly it was, although friends and family have their own suggestions (stress, being overworked, etc.), but I often came back from training, collapsed on the bed and felt like I couldn't move from that spot all night. I worked out very little. I got in the pool once, on Monday morning, but my legs and arms felt like lead and I did a few pathetic laps before just giving in and going back to my room. I didn't even step foot in the gym. So much for my "Balls to the Wall General Esther Week".

Instead, I spent a lot of time reflecting, relaxing, and hurting and sick. Not really fun.

But I still got some activity in. For one, I walk about 1/2 a mile a day, from my hotel to training and back, when I'm there. I also took a long walk on Sunday (probably put in a good 2 miles at least), put in a bit of a walk Wednesday night to and from the restaurant to meet up with my girl, B, and then Thursday night when I stepped out to get a few more gifts for my boys and a cupcake. So, yes, I did some walking. Not near as much as I usually do, but each day I felt exhausted and sore and tired and my legs were hurting like crazy. It honestly felt like I was starting again at day one because I had little to no energy or stamina...which is odd considering I haven't taken a bunch of time off or anything. Basically, it just seemed like my body was trying to tell me it was done, it needed a break, and it protested time and time again. And I gave in. Finally.

Of course, now I have the difficult challenge of getting myself back in the game so I don't get lost, so...yeah...that's what I'll be working on for a bit.

As for food while I was there? I did reasonably well. I ate the breakfast provided, usually scrambled eggs, a piece of wheat toast with jelly, some sort of breakfast meat and a few potatoes. I drank coffee...more and more as the week went on. I had two more sinful drinks at Starbucks and the rest of the time stuck to black coffee with half and half and Splenda. (I'm actually quite proud of that one...I used to have 2-3 mocha latte whatevers a DAY when I was in DC. This time I had one Mocha Coconut Latte with Soy and one Iced Vanilla Soy Latte the entire week.) I did have 2 vegan cupcakes (okay, that wasn't the best time I will only buy one to make sure I only eat one). I usually packed my lunch each day - a wheat bagel, one side with cream cheese, the other with peanut butter, and some yogurt with blueberries and granola. Typically I'd have a "taco" then when I got back to my hotel after training - flour tortilla with the black bean puree, a bit of light sour cream, and the chicken/pepper/mushroom stuff I made up on Sunday when I got there -- with peppers and mushrooms FRESH from the Farmer's Market!). Dinner was usually whatever was provided. Sometimes I found myself going back for more, but because I was still hungry, not because I was mindlessly overeating. There was meatloaf and mashed potatoes one night, hamburgers (veggie and regular) and salad another night. I missed the Chicken Ceasar Salad night because I was out with B.

Out with B. Hrm. *remembers back*
Probably the BEST experience of my entire trip. It usually is. We have a great time and 2-3 hours passes like it's 10 minutes. This time she turned me on to Strongbow Cider at an Irish-Style Pub. Remember how I said I don't generally drink?! Yea, I totally did. I think I had 3...or 4. Either way, the metro was making me dizzy and I had to make a genuine effort to stay away from the red dots on the floor because I was deathly afraid I was going to fall right on to the tracks. For dinner I had a chicken philly type sandwich and some duck fat fries, which, yes, were amazing and wonderful and I don't feel guilty about that at all. *lol* And after I left the Pub to return to my hotel I got hit on by 2 HOT lobbyists before having a rather lengthy and interesting conversation with a 12 year old Girl Scout from California. Yeah, it was an interesting night...the very best kind.

Oh, and then there was the sushi on Thursday night. Which I also don't regret. I have 3 "must do"s when I go to DC.
1) Meet with B
2) Red Velvet Cupcake
3) Sushi

All in all, I think the week was a wash. Came back and weighed in the next day at 311 (about 4 pounds up), but my body fat % reading was down about 1/2 a percentage point. *shrug* I can't tell you why...I didn't even work out. No clue where I am now, but I don't have high hopes for tomorrow's weigh-in. Let's just say I haven't been much following any plan. And I haven't been feeling that great either. I'm having some pains in my lower abdomen that I'm just not sure how to correct or even what it is. I do have a BC shot due tomorrow, so maybe that's part of it, but I'm really not sure. I just know it hurts...and I'm exhausted like ALL THE TIME. Trying to break out of it though. I spent the last 3 days basically on the couch "resting" after coming back from a rather botched trip to my Mother's house to pick up my boys (we were supposed to stay several days and do a bunch of things, we ended up staying one night and doing nothing).

Anyhow, time to move on. Need to hit the gym tonight and tomorrow to get my 2 swipes for the week. Did have a great time swimming at the lake yesterday and certainly noticed improved stamina there, so that was nice. Weigh-in tomorrow that I'm not looking forward to, and then we continue on.

The plan, again (to remind myself).
2400 calories a day
Work out 3-5 times a week
Try to get 2 ST sessions in per week and 3 cardio sessions

Oh, side note. I quit my second job. Long story, but I'm not doing that any more. Doesn't mean I have completely free weekends now - going to have to bump up the couponing in order to save the money I'm losing from not working the second job, but at least that's on my own time.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGIRL06 6/27/2012 7:36PM

    I hope you at least got a little time to relax while in DC! And I am sorta glad you quite the second job. Sounded awful but you do what you have to to survive sometimes! Rob and I are trying to get better at pinching pennies too, it can be tough!
PS. Have you ever thought about a home business like selling Tupperwear? LOL. My friend sells Thirty One products and she seems to like it (besides, you get to have tons of cut bags!) Just a thought. You can disregard if you like.

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BAYBELIEVER 6/21/2012 6:41PM

    I've missed you but glad your trip to DC was good at least with B and one crazy night?!?! It sounds like you needed the break and I am glad you took it. I think we all over-stress about this whole getting healthier thing and working out and eating right and then still having to try to manage our "real" lives, one job, two jobs, kids, spouses, friends. Aaackk! It gets crazy. Remember (and I hope that is what you did while you were relaxing, among other things) to love yourself! We all need that...And I have trouble reminding myself of that too!

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MANLEYSANDY 6/21/2012 1:07PM

    I am glad you took some time for you to relax and reflect! I am glad you quit that second job, you give so much, you need to have some rest time even if it is just alittle!!


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VICKYMARIEC 6/21/2012 12:28PM

    I've missed your daily blogs! Glad you had a great time with your friend and ate some yummy foods!

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GUITARWOMAN 6/21/2012 11:58AM

    Welcome back!

I think I understand what you are saying.

It is hard enough for we who have taken the wellness journey after years of doing what-you-really-do-not-want-to-hear
-about to our bodies. Routine and accessibility to the right food and exercise equipment is paramount.

That is one of the reason why I hate conferences and even dislike aspects of travel. I could write a book called "Hotel Treadmills I Have Used" and some of them have been pretty wonky! It has been really hard to keep up the routine of morning treadmilling on the road.

When you are travelling for pleasure, at least you get to walk around. Conferences are deadly. You sit. And sit. And sit. And sit. And if you do not plan your food carefully, the food choices are typically deadly. Not to mention excessive coffee to keep oneself awake.

So much for my gripes, good to see you back, and looking forward to your blogs!


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ARUNNINGKAT 6/21/2012 11:34AM

    Glad you are back! Enjoy the rest of the week! emoticon

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MUSOLF6 6/21/2012 11:31AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BOB240 6/21/2012 10:14AM

    welcome back emoticon

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Made it to DC

Sunday, June 10, 2012

I think that was the smoothest flight, taxi ride, and check-in of my travel time here the past few years. It helped that I wasn't in a rush so I felt I could just take my time with each step. Also helped that my seat belt buckled without a problem. ;) Checked in at the hotel early and then took off to find the Eastern Market. They were supposed to have a farmer's market outside until 5pm today, so around 1pm I took off and walked the 1.5 miles using the GPS on my phone as a guide.

The market was great! I wish we had something like this at home. It was like a huge street fair with tons of vendors selling all kinds of things. And the samples...oh, the samples!! YUM! I hadn't eaten since 8am, so I ended up munching on a chunk of white peach, a slice of yellow peach, and a bit of garlic and chives hummus on a chip and a bit of medium fresh salsa on a chip. NOM! It was enough to hold me over...and the peaches were so friggin' amazing that I bought 2 to bring back to the hotel with me! (Yellow ones, not the white, which were kinda meh...) I then walked a little more and found the little flea market area. I'd already finished the water I had on the walk there and it's so hot out today that I needed something else, but I didn't feel like junk food or sugary lemonade or anything. I eventually passed by a stand and the words "Iced Green Tea" caught my eye. It was great. Just enough flavor to not be straight water, but not overly flavored. I added a bit of Splenda and it was perfect to cool me down and rehydrate me.

By then, I'd walked a mile and a half and it was HOT...and I still needed to go to the grocery store. Before I left the market I found a big mixed bag with two huge peppers (one red, one yellow) and a bunch of mushrooms for $4! It was exactly what I wanted! But I needed protein, and the walk back was LONG and I hopped on the subway and found my way back to the safeway near my hotel and got chicken breast, reduced fat sour cream, tortilla shells, low sodium taco seasoning, black beans puree (instead of refried beans), olive oil cooking spray - and my two "dirty" picks = a slice of triple chocolate mousse cake and some tomato basil bisque (SO good!). I walked (1/2 a mile maybe?) back and collapsed on the bed.

And now I'm bored.


Ate a peach. YUM!
Ate my slice of cake. Yeah,. that was pretty good too.
And now I'm just sitting here wishing I had the energy to swim but knowing my legs feel like jello right now...maybe later? to a good start. A two hour hike for healthy groceries.

Now what?! *lol*

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGIRL06 6/27/2012 7:31PM

    I wish I was into this healthy lifestyle thing when I lived in Brooklyn. The Farmers Market in Union Square is amazing.

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JEREMY723 6/12/2012 5:06PM

    Did some comments get deleted? I'm just getting to your blog now and there's only one comment? What's up with that! I hope that you're having as good time in DC as you can!

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MUSOLF6 6/10/2012 6:24PM

    Glad you made it safely to DC. It sounds like you had a good time shopping. emoticon

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8-Week Challenge - Week 1 Recap/Week 2 Goals

Friday, June 08, 2012

emoticon The Beginning
Week ONE

June 1st - Weigh-in and take all measurements with tape measure and body fat % tool (should be arriving at my doorstep today). Probably headed out of town this night to head up to M'town for the wedding and to meet with my mom. -- (Food) 3279 (Workout) None

(Food) 2608
(Workout) 0
Net = 2608

2nd - Will be either traveling there and back or just traveling back after being at Mom's resort. There is pool access and MIGHT be access to a gym. If not, there are always roads to walk/run, although my foot hurts today and I won't want to stress it with a run if it doesn't feel good this weekend. (Food) 3279 (Workout) Swim or Run or Something

(Food) 3003
(Workout) 574 calorie lap swim at resort's fitness center lap pool
Net = 2429

3rd - No clue if I have to work at Kroger. Need to cook, clean, do groceries and coupon. (Food) 2821 (Workout) None

(Food) 2098
(Workout) 0
Net = 2098

4th - Back to work! And the gym (if needed). (Food) 1789 (Workout) ST (30m)

(Food) 2671
(Workout) 0
Net = 2671

* A little bummed I didn't do my ST routine, but I did use my lunch break to go grocery shopping for my lunches for the week which turned out to be a GREAT idea as my work food consumption was pretty good.

5th - (Food) 1789 (Workout) 6am Lap Swim (2 laps, rest for 12 breaths x 10 = 400 yards)

(Food) 2967
(Workout) 492 calorie lap swim at the pool (I've progressed more than I expected)
Net = 2475

6th - (Food) 1789 (Workout) ST (30m)

(Food) 2540
(Workout) 170 calories from 24 minutes of ST on lunch break
Net = 2370

7th - (Food) 1789 (Workout) 6am Lap Swim (2 laps, rest for 12 x 10 = 400)

(Food) 2847
(Workout) 410 calorie lap swim (again, progressed more than expected)
Net = 2437

Weight on June 1st: 309.8
Weight on June 8th: 307.2
Body Fat % on June 1st: 47.1%
Body Fat % on June 8th: 47.3%

Average net calories for the week = 2441

Okay, so I guess I didn't do quite as bad as I had thought all week. Of course many of these are best guess estimates, but TDEE is supposed to be around 3300, my BMR around 2140, so I ate in between that on average every week, which is what I'm supposed to be doing.

So I'm going to try to stick to that number through the week. 2440 is a good number...let's see if it's MY number for weight loss right now.

I know my body fat % went up .2%, but I measured at a different time last week, so I'm not too awful worried about that.

A note on my weekly workouts -
I LOVE swimming and I'm so glad I finally have a place to do laps. Hoping I get some alone time in the hotel pool next week so I can keep it up. Only one ST session and three swims this week, but my body is SORE SORE SORE - especially in the legs, abs, and shoulders/chest area, which is probably a credit both to the ST AND the swimming I'm doing.

The plan for next week -
Keep it up! Try to average 2440 for each day in the week. Try not to be so hard on myself. Really enjoy my time and if I eat a little more, I know I have time to workout a little more as I will have a LOT of time to myself this week.


emoticon General Mode B2W
Week TWO

8th - Weigh-in and body fat measurements to be taken. LAUNDRY AND PACK!!! 5h15m at second job (6p - 11:15p). - (Food) 1789 (Workout) None

9th - PACK!!!!!! 5.5h at 2nd job (6:30p - 12a) - (Food) 1789 (Workout) Run

10th - Leave on the plane for DC around 10am. Hope to shop for healthy groceries for the week and get tons of fresh local veggies and fruits at the local farmer's market. Will be in the hotel most of the day after shopping for supplies. - (Food) 2821 (Workout) Swim (Week 2 - Day One of 0 to 1650 program)

11th - In DC, first day of training - (Food) 3279 (Workout) ST (30m)

12th - In DC, second day of training - (Food) 1789 (Workout) Swim (Week 2 - Day 2 of 0 to 1650)

13th - In DC, third day of training. May meet a friend for dinner or grab some sushi out in Chinatown by myself if she's unavailable. - (Food) 3279 (Workout) ST (30m)

14th - In DC, fourth day of training - (Food) 1789 (Workout) Swim (Week 2 - Day 3 of 0 to 1650)

15th - In DC, last day of training. Will be taking a flight back home and won't be home until around 7pm. There will be travel food this day as it is unavoidable unless I simply do not eat. Thankfully, DC airports have many choices, and some of them reasonably healthy. - (Food) 1789 (Workout) None

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEREMY723 6/9/2012 6:56AM

    Sounds like you have it all planned out! I'm glad that you can keep track of it, I'd be totally confused:) I hope that you have a great week!

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SPUNKYDUCKY 6/8/2012 8:24PM

    Complicated plan but I know you got it! Keep to the plan!

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