CALLIKIA   23,828
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CALLIKIA's Recent Blog Entries

End of Day 1

Monday, April 19, 2010

So today was the end of the first full day here. I had fully intended to simply check out the site and set some goals, not really get anything started...but when I saw how easily I could use the tools, I bought into the hype and starting logging everything. Of course, when I log, I find myself eating better, making better choices. I guess my head is just in the right place to start this journey.

So how did the day go? Good, for the most part. Didn't eat all my calories or carbs (I'm completely full...even pulled out some leftover mashed taters to make up some more calories, but couldn't eat enough to make up the 900 calorie deficit), but I at least had a healthy amount of calories (not too little...those tatoes came out because I had only eaten about 1,000 and I know my body well enough to know that it won't lose on that much, it's more likely to gain).

The workouts just about killed me though. I couldn't reach my calories burned goal, but I still worked out for 30 minutes and did my strength training workout too. My arms and legs are REALLY sore, though...didn't expect that to hit until tomorrow. Plus, my feet hurt from walking....I think I need a better pair of shoes.

Until tomorrow!

On a side note - I talked to my Mom today and told her about this place. She thinks she joined once before but never did anything with it and she's looking into coming back. I told her "I got a salad from McDonald's because I'm trying to be a good girl." and her response made me think, and smile, and love her even more, "You're always a good girl, even when you don't eat the right things."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CALLIKIA 4/20/2010 8:18PM

    Thanks everyone!

I'm not sure I know how to share those yet, MIGHTYFINE. I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm not one to hide anything...if I can be honest with myself I can certainly be honest with all of you (I'm my toughest critic).

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AGAINALWAYS 4/20/2010 1:09PM

    Another welcome to SP! When I started back in early March, I had trouble making my minimum calories. With some realistic planning (and also expecting a little more of myself than I thought I could do), I got my calorie range down into something more manageable for me. I'm waiting 'til the 28th day of my Spark Book plan to weigh/measure myself - but I can already see and feel the difference in my body. Who knew?

Best of everything to you on your journey!

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MIGHTYFINEWINE 4/20/2010 7:56AM

    Welcome to SP! This place is definitely addictive. I think "Oh, I'm not going to Spark much today" and then I find myself on here all day. It's SO helpful!

One thing that has helped me a lot is sharing my food an fitness trackers so everyone can look at them. It can be a little scary at first, but it really helps to get great advice from people on your food intake. I've learned some of my best food tips from comments from people who looked at my trackers.

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DLEE27 4/19/2010 10:56PM

    emoticonWay to go! And thanks for the encouraging note on my page. Glad you had such a great day! emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/19/2010 10:57:21 PM

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Trying to find my place

Monday, April 19, 2010

First full day here on SparkPeople, and I'm searching for my place (yet again).

College Students - hey, yeah! I'm a college senior (graduating May 16th, 2pm! *lol*). But...I never seem to fit right here. I'm 29, older than most college students. I'm also a wife, a mother, and a full-time secretary. My life is a little more settled than most college students, and I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in, even when I'm sitting at my desk in class. *shrug*

Plus, I have a whole ton of a lot more weight to lose than most college students struggling with their freshman 15, or even 20, or even 50! I've got a lot more to lose than a lot of people and this tends to get me down when I visit sites like this.

But what I have to remember is where I've come from. A few years ago I weighed in at 466.6 (the last 3 digits weren't lost on me). I was struggling to get gastric bypass surgery, severely depressed, and just not in a good point in my life. It was difficult to walk up stairs. I had no job and spent most days at home in front of the television. Those numbers scared me...terrified me, and I made a change. I worked every day, day by day, with help from online friends, and I ended up dropping 100 pounds all on my own! For the most part, I've kept that weight off for the past 3 years...and then...well, and then things changed a bit. (Gastric bypass never happened - by the time I went through all the stupid testing required by my insurance company, the insurance company dropped coverage of the surgery and I was left with all the tests to prove it would be good for me and none of the results.)

Slowly I have accepted more in my life. We moved from Columbus (where I had a lot of family support and accountability) to West Virginia. Then I got a job working full-time, my first "regular" job ever. A year later, I started school again, something I had abandoned years before, but promised myself I would go back to. Then a year ago I was offered a position in my chosen field part-time and I just couldn't find a good reason to turn an opportunity like that down (they don't come around that often, I've learned). All of these things are great things in my life, and I feel so proud to have done them. (Especially knowing where I came from just a year or two before.) But suddenly I was working full-time, going to school full-time, working part-time twice a month, getting very little sleep, and having even less time to devote to exercise/eating right.

No lunch breaks at work meant I couldn't use my lunches to walk anymore. Constantly driving in the car meant I had to stop and grab food where I could, or eat something on the go (it's really difficult to eat an egg white omelet while driving 60 down the road...ya know?). But I didn't complain to anyone...how could I? People kept telling me "You're still living a sedentary life" but I couldn't figure out how to change it. I made small corrections, whatever I could fit in, but I had to somehow survive the challenges I was facing and there wasn't much room in my head to "work on me."

Now, thankfully, school is coming to a close. I'm looking for a better job and, most of all, looking forward to a chance to spend some time on me again. I'm ready to pull out the same skills I used once and put them to work for me again, and this time I won't stop until I reach the mile marker that makes me feel the most comfortable. (I decided that day on the scale that I would never let my weight keep me locked inside again, and I don't let it stop me from doing very much. My big butt will wear a bathing suit and go swimming in the lake, because I love swimming and it's great exercise and because I need to worry about myself and what I think/feel/enjoy and not what others think. My big butt boarded a plane to NYC because I had always wanted to go (and I'm telling you this place is a wonderful weight loss tool - I lost 8 lbs or so in 5 days from walking, and more walking, and even MORE walking!)

I'm in mostly planning stages right now (4 weeks of school left), but I tend to make changes when I'm paying more attention, because I DO know what's right and wrong, and consciously chosing to do wrong all the time can kill my feelings of self-worth. The plan for the day is finding a place where I feel like I fit. Where I don't feel like an outsider trying to make something work that doesn't. Where I can hold myself accountable by being myself, completely honest.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DLEE27 4/19/2010 10:31PM

    I loved this blog! Good for you for being so honest. It's really touching and I can identify with a lot of what you've said here. We know you can do, and you know you can do it!
emoticon

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TIGGER2908 4/19/2010 11:58AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

You, my dear, are AWESOME! You have taken on so much in the past year and have succeeded in everything. And you will succeed in this, too.

You say that you have so much more to lose than most. I say you haven't explored SP enough yet. There are people who started at higher weight than you and have succeeded. And there are people who are still on the journey.

So take the next 4 weeks to do your planning and finish your degree. I know that last weeks can sometimes be the hardest but you can do it. Don't add too much stress on yourself about your weight. Once school is over, you can concentrate on SP. In the meantime, go home and hug your beautiful children and your loving husband. We'll be here when you're ready.

Karen

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GHOSTMD 4/19/2010 9:15AM

    emoticon emoticonDon't stop ever I see you have so busy life but you have , you must , you will wear a bathing suit and go swimming in the lake

By the way try high intensty workouts littel time with great impact

& good luck

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AMOHAME2 4/19/2010 9:11AM

    Hi and welcome! You will find a balance in your life if you keep up the right attitude, which it looks like you're doing so far! Good luck with your goals!

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NEWLISACOMING 4/19/2010 9:09AM

    I think your wrong where you think you don't fit... everyone fit's here on Sparkpeople. You have worked very hard to better yourself with education and work but now it's time to be a little selfish and work on you.

You need to use the tools that are on SP, there are so many options and support on here to use if you need them. Blogging is a GREAT way to get praise when deserved and support when needed.

You are already taken the first steps in becoming a different person. There are exercises you that you can do at your desk or on a 15min break. Document everything, good or bad track your food and fitness because it's a good tool to use once you see the weight coming off.

Good luck, I know you can do it remember this isn't a diet... this is a life journey. It's not going to be easy, there will be good days and bad but if you persevere you can be that person inside just takes time.

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BUBBLEBEE21 4/19/2010 9:09AM

    you'll find your place here,everyone is so nice and supportive. emoticon emoticon

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DAISY_GURL_4 4/19/2010 9:05AM

    emoticon

Congrats on your college graduation! My husband is also a "non-traditional" student - he is 27 and will be graduating with his bachelor's degree on May 8th. He has struggled with the fact that he feels he is so behind many others (like myself who went straight from high school as a "traditional" student and was awarded my bachelors at age 22) but I always tell him the important part is that you're doing it and accomplishing this fantastic goal and that he had to work harder for it but appreciates it all the more because of his struggles.

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SLOOPY7036 4/19/2010 9:01AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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