Friday, December 06, 2013
Everybody talks about that turning point, right? The moment they KNEW things were going to change, they were going to make an effort. When I first started Spark I didn't have a huge "AH-HA!" moment like most people talk about. I didn't really know what to think about that, but it worked for me...until it didn't. But last night, I had a moment - less of an "AH-HA!" and more of a "OMFG! NOOOOOO!" moment and I knew I was moving toward the right headspace to get myself back in the game. Last night, my son took a picture of me asleep on the couch with the dog. He thought it was cute because our little dog lays ON TOP of whomever, but especially me, and we were both asleep in the same basic position and my son thought it was hilarious. I thought it was horrifying and I've looked at the picture several times since. It makes me want to cry, and scream, and break things...but most of all, it makes me want to redevote myself to my life, my health, and regaining the joy I once felt when I woke up in the morning ready to start a new day.
Sometimes the steps aren't what we think they are and we just have to keep moving to find them in the dark...until someone turns on the light.
I have a ton of reasons for why right now isn't the best time to start this whole thing. Most of them deal with a lack of finances on my part. We're seriously strapped right now with Christmas and the new house, so being creative about eating "right" is going to be interesting...to say the least.
The pros? As far as working out is concerned I'm totally set. My neighborhood is GREAT for walks. People walk and run up and down my street all day every day. I have a huge basement now with a ST machine that will work to get me started and a 70 lb heavy bag, handwraps and gloves. I also have the full WATP DVD set and can watch several workout vids on Amazon Prime whenever I want for FREE. I just bought myself a new roll of KT Tape Pro. As long as I remember to take it slow and steady, I should be fine here. EATING is going to be the challenge.
For now, it's all about serving sizes and shrinking my stomach back to normal again. It won't necessarily be the things I want to fit around my healthy lifestyle, but it will be a start. It will also include drinking a crapton of water to flush out my system (water is FREE!). The only pro here? We have no money to eat out! *lol* You gotta find the YAY where you can, people!
Working toward a new year challenge to get me started in 2014. I have to get back to regular goal setting because it keeps me focused and engaged. It's not about the 100 pounds I need to lose (actually, there's more than that...but let's not even go there), it's about the next 10 and what I'm going to do right now to get them gone for good.
Tuesday, December 03, 2013
You guys know that this is a very real thing, right?! I doubt that this is my problem, but it can happen to people. Stress really can be a harmful to your health!
Today is December 3rd and I still feel like I'm on day one.
Yesterday I went home from a slow, boring day at work (a little burned out here too) and went straight to the computer to start editing Sunday's family session. Of course, with being worn out and burned out on everything I feel like half the pictures I thought were good are now crap, but the boys keep telling me they look good so I'm just going to go with it. I had planned on taking a break in between jobs, but I wasn't able to do that as Hubs and I are sharing a computer and he needed to be one with friends for a game of his later that evening. So after 2 hours of speed editing when I wasn't really feeling it, I had to hand the computer over and go sit by myself in the living room. What else was I to do? Of course, sitting by myself watching TV and being so stressed only invites my stress and binge eating. My youngest was asleep. My oldest was off doing a school activity. I tried taking the dogs for a drive, but that just landed me in a drive-thru because there really isn't much to do where I live after dark. It wasn't my best night. Of course, it also wasn't the worst.
Tonight I have more editing to do after another long day at work. I have to sit down and finish the session and get all three of the last 4 sessions on disks and mailed out to clients. (One is a birth day session of a newborn, who I am supposed to do a studio-style newborn session for this weekend so I'm just going to wait and put those pictures with the birth day session on the same disk. I do Mom's for free anyhow, so she can't complain too much.
If I can get all of that done tonight I can take a breath and reorganize myself for a minute to try to get my head back in the game. I've been trying to get up earlier so I can get a workout in before work, but that hasn't been so easy to do with late night editing sessions. This morning I was up at 5:30am, but, of course, I talked myself into another 40 minutes of sleep instead of a workout. I could have used the workout more. I also need to get to the grocery store. Having serious cravings for fruit, meat and veggies instead of quick fast crap we have on hand right now that I've been trying to run us through to save money and get it out of the house. Why do I remember this being easier? Small budgets and little time is making it SUPER DUPER hard this time! *sigh* Either that or the stress of all the other things has my brain too full and I don't have room for another worry/concern. *shrug*
Plugging along...trying to make SOMETHING happen.
Monday, December 02, 2013
Things have been absolutely INSANE for me lately. You see, on top of wanting/needing to lose weight and this salary job that sometimes requires me to work over, travel, spend long nights making sure everything is in place for a client...on top of all that I went and started myself a portrait photography business.
Smart, right? ;)
Honestly, it's one of those steps to pursuing my dreams and not letting my weight be a reason I don't do something. But, it means I have been crazy busy this past month setting up weekend sessions, editing pictures, posting, getting the word out about my services. I haven't even set prices yet - I'm still in the "building business and portfolio" stage, so I've been working solely by donation. That being said, I now have several family sessions, a baby session (3-4 month), a birth day newborn hospital session, a mock Senior session for a current high school Junior, and after this Saturday I'll have a newborn studio session all under my belt. Of course it's meant working nearly every single day in November - weekends included - and working many late nights (midnight) and still getting up early for work (6 am).
Thankfully, after Sunday I should be done until the new year (that gives me like 2 weekends, right?). Of course, I'll still be working - marketing, branding, setting prices, trying to put a website together, finding a professional print vendor, etc., but at least I won't be trying to do all of that in addition to shooting and editing.
So...holding my breath until Sunday. :)
I have been trying to "be good" but, of course, I haven't been paying attention nearly as much as I should. Still haven't given up hope, though. I keep looking at pictures from when I was miserable on my plateau and I would give just about anything to be back there again -- including sugar!
So I guess my update is...I'm still hanging in there. Still trying to find some balance. I did add another reason to my list -- my body is having a heck of a time regulating my body temperature right now. I'll be out in the field shooting for an hour in 30-50 degree weather and won't notice I'm cold (in fact, sometimes I sweat because I'm nervous). And then I get home in my warm home and SHIVER the rest of the night. Quite annoying!
Now...who has a banana?
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
* "Finish what you started!"
* You are not a wimp...or a quitter.
* Because jeans feel better when they hug you, not squeeze the every loving life out of you.
* Because hitting a heavy bag is fun.
* To boost your maneuverability during photo shoots and get the best shots ever.
* To be known as a superhero mom again.
* Because grocery stores invented Thanksgiving and Christmas to guilt you into indulging so that by New Year's Day they could guilt you into losing the fat behind you accrued over the holidays.
* Because today is not "two weeks before Thanksgiving" but November 13th. (see above reason)
* To regain your wardrobe, which was pretty and bright and sunshiny and not BLACK, GREY and BORING.
* Because we all miss your cheekbones.
* Because you were THIS close to having everything you ever wanted...until you get that and pick a new goal.
* Why friggin' not?
* The PF will never go away by sitting on your rump eating chocolate and talking about how much it hurts.
* Because the PF may NEVER go away. Time to learn how to deal.
* You aren't getting any younger.
* Building a business is easier when you feel confident in yourself, the image you are presenting and your work.
* Because photo shoots require tromping around for hours on end in order to find the best secluded spot for the most spot on "it's just us here in this big, beautiful world" type picture.
* Because my work suffers when I don't want to get out bed in the morning because I don't want to face what I look like in the mirror.
* Because I'm still quite pretty, I'm just hiding it...again.
* Because that last 5k was NOT my last 5k.
* Driving and traveling would be much easier, cheaper and more focused.
* Life is more fulfilling when you can actually enjoy it.
* Because being a foodie is about the quality of food, not the quantity. You can have it both ways, if you're smart.
* Two words: beach vacation.
* You did it before, you can do it again.
* Because you'd given anything to have the body you hated 90 pounds ago back.
* Because you want people to look at your face, not your stomach.
* Buying clothes is more fun in a smaller size.
* It's not rocket science.
* You never know how far you could go until you try.
* Because even though those stupid cliche messages annoy the crap out of you, you never know when you'll find a pearl of wisdom in the white noise.
* It's easier to feel kick@$$ when you know you can actually kick @$$.
* If you can't, it's better to know you seriously tried.
* To keep up with your heavily active teenagers. You rubbed off on them, it's time to return the favor.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
So, let's just pretend I wasn't here before. Let's not talk about the "f" word I'm feeling so much like and let's move on to goals and all that fancy nonsense. (The truth is, I can't afford to wait around until I have a positive attitude about this whole thing again. I have to go back to my "I don't care if you hate it, you're going to do it anyhow" mentality.)
Yesterday I weighed in at work at 395. Throughout our biggest loser contest I have managed to maintain or gain every single week. It's almost like I feel it's my job to gain weight again. So, yeah, it's time to get this beast under control again.
Goals for November:
Log every calorie every day. No excuses
Try to stay around 2200 calories. Not too far under OR over.
Drink 64 oz of water every day. Seriously, this is losing weight for dummies!
Workout for at least 10 minutes every day.
That's it. It's not rocket science. This time I just have to remember that even if you're on a plateau, you can still move forward, down the cliffside until you find the bridge. (I'm still so annoyed at myself.)
Hoping these simple steps will net me about a 5 pound loss this month. Shouldn't be too hard as long as I don't forget my brain on Thanksgiving.
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